A Semester Away
by remusslupinn
Summary: Olivia has always dreamed of moving to NYC to attend NYU. During her last year before college, she spends a semester away at one of the most prestigious private schools in NYC. But while living with a young host family in Rye, NY, her life becomes a little more complicated, and she learns that there may be another reason aside from school, that her heart belongs in New York.
1. Welcome to New York

"You're sure you have everything?"

"I'm sure, ma," Olivia assured her.

"Okay. Now you just text me when you land, alright? And when they pick you up?" her mother asked.

"Of course. I'll keep you updated," Olivia nodded.

"Alright. Come here," she said, holding out her arms for her.

Olivia happily wrapped her arms around her mother, giving her the biggest hug she could. She wouldn't see her for a long time. Longer than she'd ever been away from her.

"I love you," Marie said.

"I love you too, mom," Olivia said, as Marie kissed her cheek.

Marie had a proud smile on her face when she pulled back from the hug. And she sniffled a bit. "My baby girl, all grown up. Off to the big city. I'm so proud of you, Livvie."

"Thanks, mom!" Olivia replied. "I'll call you tonight, too. Tell you all about my first day."

"I would love that. You better go now. Don't let your poor old mother keep you. Go on," Marie nodded, patting her arm.

Olivia smiled encouragingly. "Okay. Bye."

"Bye."

She kept turning back as she got into the line of people in the security line. Her mother never stopped waving, with that sad, but at the same time, _happy_ smile on her face.

And that was the face that Olivia last saw, before she passed through the body scanner. Her mother could go no further, as she didn't have a boarding pass.

Olivia clutched her boarding pass in her hand, heading to the conveyor belt where her carry-on suitcase and backpack were.

Between the extra-large travel duffel bag and the separate large suitcase that she and her mother had checked just prior to this, as well as her carry-ons, it was clear she was going somewhere for an extended amount of time.

And where she was going, had always been a dream of hers.

_New York City._

Her dream city. Her dream home, really.

She had known about her school's "CITYterm" opportunity since she was in middle school. The opportunity that was presented to "intellectually advanced and adventuresome" 18-year-olds in their last year before college.

Which, in more colloquial terms, meant you weren't a normal student. You were advanced in many more ways than one, and probably had stopped being a "child" many years ago. This program was not for the standard 18-year-old just trying to senior slide their way to graduation.

Which was good, because Olivia was not standard. She fit the ideal CITYterm student perfectly—her school obviously thought so too. And she was so ready for the opportunity.

The opportunity to spend at least one semester in New York City, at the United Nations International School—a private, college preparatory school that was ranked highly in almost every area, both statewide and nationwide.

Going to a private school wasn't new to her. But going to this prestigious of one, _was_. The tuition was expensive. Much more expensive than her private school back home in Grand Forks, North Dakota. Which is why it was good that she had a while to save up for it.

She had never been sure if she would be able to go, to begin with. She'd had a job since she was a freshman in high school, working at the restaurant her mother owned back home—Marie's Kitchen.

It wasn't anything fancy, but having a consistent base wage plus tip money, and _many_ side babysitting and tutoring jobs, had proved to be a pretty effective way to save up money.

It wasn't that they didn't have money. But they certainly weren't in any situation where they could spend it without thinking. Olivia was an only child, and it was just her and her mother. But after her spendy school tuition back home, and all the things that came with being successful in a preparatory school these days, there certainly wasn't any money to just throw away on things that weren't necessities. She still had four years of college in her future to think about as well, and the thought of how much _that _was going to add up made Olivia wince.

She was so thankful for _everything_ her mother had done for her. So she'd been saving up for years, herself, too. It was her dream, after all, and she was more than willing to help pay for it.

And the dream was only beginning now, going to spend her semester, maybe _year,_ in New York. She then hoped to attend New York University afterward, and major in English.

There were many reasons why, aside from the love of reading and writing that she'd had since she was about four years old. The fact that NYU was ranked number eight in top ten best schools for English majors. Its wide variety of courses. Its small class sizes. Its honors program. And another big part for Olivia, its location, of course.

And one of the steps to help get her there, was this prestigious, private school in Manhattan. Through this CITYterm program, she would be even more likely to be accepted into a school as great as NYU.

Universities loved students enrolled in IB, or International Baccalaureate, courses. And UNIS offered over 200 of them, throughout their two locations in Manhattan and Queens. She couldn't wait.

Although the time away was not the cheapest route, she was still saving money through room and board. She _could_ have decided to stay in New York City. It would have been extremely similar to college, with a dormitory and a meal plan. Very convenient and very close, but also a _lot_ more expensive.

She, however, was choosing the host family option. She hadn't necessarily wanted to. She had wanted to try it out, living in the city. That's what she wanted to do in the future, after all.

But her mother hadn't been a big fan of that. She'd been the one to encourage her to choose the host family option in the suburbs. More affordable, especially if the host family was _also_ in the CITYterm program. Which, this family was, as they had a daughter that may be interested in it in the future.

Her mother had said this would give her plenty of city experience anyway, going to school there every day. And that she also felt better, if Olivia still had a "family dynamic" as she called it, for her last year before college. It was hard enough for her mother, sending her only child away to New York, when she knew she was likely going to lose her to the big city for four more years afterward anyway.

So, the whole thing left Olivia a little conflicted. There were pros and cons to both sides of the living situations, and she had mixed opinions on it. But she figured it was her mother, and she did have a point. Plus, if she liked her semester away and opted to stay for her final semester as well, she could switch to the Manhattan campus living option for the second semester if the host family wasn't her thing.

She certainly wasn't dreading the host family by any means. Both parties had to fill out an information form in order to best match students and host families. She'd gotten her match, so she had decided all she could do was trust it at this point.

The host family she'd meet later that day, was a family of three. Well, four, including their dog.

The two parents, Fitzgerald and Melody. Their daughter, Karen, who was 10. And their dog, Hank.

The Grants.

They lived in Rye, New York. A very wealthy area of Westchester County.

She knew much more about the woman, Melody, or _Mellie,_ as she'd introduced herself over the phone. Mellie had been much more involved in the process than her husband seemed to be. Olivia and her mother had a nice conversation over the phone with Mellie about scheduling her pick-up time from LaGuardia Airport.

Mellie was a nurse there at the Rye Ambulatory Surgery Center, which Olivia thought was quite impressive. The husband, on the other hand, had some fancy company job in the city. This actually benefitted Olivia, because Mellie had suggested it would be nice for them to take the train into the city together every day.

That was fine with her. She was ready to become familiar with Grand Central Terminal, and how the train system worked. She had next to _zero_ experience with that, living in North Dakota. They just drove everywhere. So that at least, excited her a bit.

Karen seemed to be a nice young girl, and definitely smart. Mellie had explained that she hoped Karen would do what Olivia was doing someday, and venture off to another city, potentially international, before furthering her education even more. That was why they were in the CITYterm system already, preparing for their daughter's potential opportunities one day. Olivia thought ten years old was a bit young to be considering a program like this, but she didn't think the Grants would care much for her opinion on that matter. To each their own. Plus, if _she_ would have known about the program's existence at ten years old, she probably would have already been interested, too.

Karen was already enrolled in Rye's private school, participating in god knows how many activities and clubs, and sports, already. She supposed this family's determination and mindset was what helped match them all together.

And while they may have had that in common, there were some differences too. She'd looked up where they lived—Rye, New York. And this place was not like _anything_ she was used to back home.

This place was lined with eight miles of beach, full of country clubs, beach clubs, fancy boardwalks, and views of the Manhattan skyline from the marina full of million-dollar boats.

It was safe to say this semester away, would be extremely interesting in many ways.

And she was already in the midst of step one, at the airport. She had a short flight to MSP, Minneapolis—Saint Paul International Airport, and from there, she'd fly less than three hours to LaGuardia Airport in Queens.

Before she knew it, she'd be starting her semester away in New York.

* * *

"I just don't really understand why we are doing this now, is all."

"You know exactly why."

Fitz shrugged. "Have you even asked her? She's ten, Mell."

"Of course I have," Mellie replied, fixing up the comforter on their bed. "Age is just a number. Besides, she's already far more advanced than the students in her class."

Fitz rolled his eyes at his wife, but didn't let her see him do it. "And what has she said about this?" Fitz asked.

"Well, she doesn't know yet. But we'll keep on her, she'll figure it out. It certainly doesn't hurt to get involved early. This way, she can see what it's like for a young woman to go away and go to school. Stay with a family, if she wants. Meet new people. I don't know why you think that's so wrong."

"Honey, I don't think that's what's wrong. I just don't want her to feel pressured, and feel like...she _has_ to go to school somewhere else at some point. She doesn't. She goes to an amazing school right here at home, and she's _ten._ And I think she was still a bit blindsided by the whole thing. As was I."

Mellie scoffed. "We had the discussion."

Fitz shook his head. "No, we did not. We did _not_ have the discussion. You _told_ me this was happening, and you told me two weeks ago, Mellie."

"But what's so wrong with it? Olivia's an amazing young woman, you should see what she's accomplished. _And_ coming from a forgettable state, in a one-parent household. She's really _quite_ astounding."

Fitz put his hand up to his face and shook his head, starting to get frustrated. "It's not about her, Mell. I just wish we had had the conversation together. It's going to affect our everyday lives, and I'd think you'd want to discuss that with me. Especially when I'm the one taking her in every day with me—"

"All you have to do is show her the ropes. She's not some child that you have to entertain. She's an adult, she's 18 years old, and just like Karen, she's probably far more advanced than any other students her age. She just deserves some company, don't you think? Her mother certainly appreciated the offer. UNIS is _ten_ minutes from J.P. Morgan, I just don't understand what the big deal is, Fitz. It couldn't work out more perfectly than this."

He was frustrated and annoyed. But he didn't see any use in extending this conversation anymore, when she clearly was not going to listen.

"Alright, Mell. I don't want to argue with you about this anymore. I'm done. It's fine, it's over with, nothing can be done now. All I'm asking is that we _talk_ about things more. Especially when they pertain to our child."

Mellie sighed and turned toward him with a nod. "Well, we certainly can't act this way going forward. Olivia's going to be going through a big transition as it is. It would be nice if we could at least be _gracious_ in front of her."

He threw his arms up and shook his head at her. All he ever was, was gracious. All he ever did, was try and avoid the endless fights. All he ever did was try to forget about the way things were, and attempt to make them how he knew they were _supposed_ to be. But he wisely chose not to respond to her comment, something he had to force himself to do very often.

"We have to leave in five minutes. Are you going to come with Karen and me, or not?" Mellie asked, heading toward their bedroom door.

Fitz sighed and sat down on the bed. "I'll be down in a minute."

Mellie nodded satisfied, and left him to himself.

Thank god.

He ran his hands through his hair, enjoying his moment of peace and silence before he went downstairs.

He really hadn't given much thought into the new young woman who would be joining them for the foreseeable future, mostly because he hadn't known about it for very long, and he didn't know much about her. He didn't even know what she looked like, only that she was clearly very intelligent and that she was from somewhere in the Midwest. Mellie had taken care of everything herself.

Her staying with them really didn't matter to him. They had a house that was much too big for them anyway, with plenty of room. Mellie had practically set up their entire basement for her.

He just would have liked to feel prepared for this, considering it would be a bit of a lifestyle change. He didn't feel like that was too much to ask of his wife, but apparently, it was.

He got up and made his way downstairs to the kitchen. He saw Mellie talking with Karen in the kitchen. "Ready girls?" he asked, as happily as he could make himself appear. For Karen's sake.

They both nodded, following him to the hallway.

"Am I driving?" Fitz asked, looking over his shoulder.

"Sure, if you want to," Mellie nodded.

He grabbed the keys to her SUV off the hook by the door, and they all headed to LaGuardia Airport to go pick up their new guest.

"Are you excited for Olivia to come, Karen?" Mellie asked, looking into the back seat while they drove.

"Yes," Karen replied. "She's going to stay in the basement, right?"

"Yes. In the room downstairs. That way she can have her own space if she wants. Dad will maybe just have to start using his office upstairs instead of downstairs, and stop watching that vulgar show down there so much!" Mellie teased.

Fitz nodded, giving her a fake laugh as if he thought it was funny.

"But we should be very welcoming to her. We want her to love it here, just like we'd want you to love it elsewhere in the future, if you were to do this. Right, Karen?" Mellie asked.

"Mhm," Karen agreed lightly.

"Good."

Fitz heard the uncertainty in his daughter's voice. His sweet, wonderful daughter, who took so much after him. Doing things to please as many people as possible. Trying to avoid conflict if at all possible. Whether this was a good or bad thing, he didn't know. So far in his life, it had been both.

They finally reached the airport, and decided to park in one of the paid lots so that they could all go in and help carry things, as they knew she had a lot of stuff with her.

Fitz followed Mellie to the Baggage claim, as that's where they were supposed to meet, apparently. Not like he had any real idea, considering he'd known nothing about the plans Mellie made.

When they got there, they all looked around for her. Mellie was the only one who knew what she looked like, but Fitz knew instantly anyway, when he saw her.

He knew it was her from the number of bags she had with her, and because she was also looking around and waiting for someone.

"Oh, that's her. Olivia!" Mellie said, starting to head over to her.

Fitz and Karen followed after her.

"Wow. She's so pretty," Karen said.

Fitz looked at this young woman from afar as they approached her. If she didn't have all the bags with her, he would have never guessed that was her. She seemed _far_ older than 18.

She was quite petite, but looked mature, even at first glance. She wore a blouse and skinny jeans, with Birkenstock sandals, and her hair was half pulled back. He smiled at the Starbucks cup in her hand. That was him at her age, too. Well, _and_ at his age now.

She smiled as soon as she saw them, and gave them all a wave. Well, as best as she could with all her bags.

"Hi! Nice to meet you in person!" Olivia said, attempting to put her cup down so she could shake Mellie's hand.

"Nice to meet you as well," Mellie nodded excitedly, shaking her hand back.

"And…Karen," Olivia smiled, pointing to the girl who had just come up by her mom.

"Yes! Hi," Karen said with a smile.

"Hi. And...Fitzgerald?" she questioned, looking at him.

He smiled and nodded, reaching out his hand. "Uh, yeah, you can call me Fitz. Nice to meet you."

"Fitz, okay. Sorry. It just says everyone's full names on all the forms," she replied, shaking his hand.

"No worries, it's okay," he nodded politely.

"Here, let us help you with your bags," Mellie suggested, grabbing her carry-on that was on the ground.

"Oh, thank you," Olivia nodded, reaching to grab the handle of her biggest suitcase.

"Here, I'll take this one," Fitz said, taking the huge duffel bag that was resting by her feet.

"Thanks so much. Sorry, that one's really heavy," Olivia said.

He lifted it up and slung it over his shoulder effortlessly. "That's okay."

"Do you want me to take your backpack?" Karen offered.

"Oh, that's alright," Olivia said, adjusting the strap on her shoulder as they began to walk. "I've got it. Thanks though!"

Karen nodded and smiled at her, already seeming to like her a lot.

"So how was the flight? Where did you have to stop again?" Mellie asked curiously.

"It went by really fast, it was an easy flight! I had to fly about an hour from Grand Forks to Minneapolis, and then less than three more to get here," Olivia explained.

Ahh, Grand Forks was in North Dakota. _That's_ where she was from.

"Well I'm glad to hear it wasn't so bad. We're just so happy to have you here. We can't wait to show you around!" Mellie exclaimed.

Fitz nodded in agreement, giving her a smile.

"Well thank you so much," Olivia replied. "I'm so happy to be here too!"

Olivia looked around at this new family that she'd be living with. Karen, who was very happy and a little shy. She was a cutie. Dark brown hair like both of her parents and piercing blue eyes.

Mellie, who seemed very generous and talkative. Tall, with dark, wavy hair. She seemed very polished already, with all her jewelry and perfect nails. Olivia couldn't deny that she was very beautiful.

And Fitz, who seemed to be much more shy than his wife. He didn't talk as much. Very nice, she thought so far. But quieter.

He was a good looking guy. Also very tall, and pretty fit from the looks of it. His hair was also wavy, but he kept it decently short. She assumed it would be pretty curly if he let it grow, based on their daughter's curly hair that she didn't appear to get from Mellie. His eyes were a very bright blue, which she now understood had been passed right on to his daughter, too.

They all seemed pretty normal so far. That was a plus!

And then they walked up to the car they pulled up in. A bright red Alfa Romeo Stelvio.

She'd even kind of known what to expect with this family, and still, she was blown away.

Okay, maybe not the kind of "normal" _she_ was used to, but...still normal.

"This car is beautiful," Olivia noted.

"Oh well thank you!" Mellie exclaimed. "This is mine. Fitz doesn't like driving it, but he made an exception today, to come get you. It has more room than his."

"Well thank you," Olivia laughed.

"You're welcome," he said. "It's a nice car. It's just really touchy."

"Oh as if your jag isn't!" Mellie exclaimed.

Olivia's eyes widened at the mention of yet another luxury car, but she hid her reaction from everyone. So this family's cars were definitely a little different than her and her mom's shared car back home.

She saw Fitz shrug before he opened the trunk to the car.

He situated her duffel bag back there first as it was the biggest. Mellie put her carry-on next to it and she and Karen got in the car.

Olivia started to lift up her big suitcase by herself and he stopped her. "Oh, I've got it, don't worry about it."

She stopped, looking up at him. "Oh...okay, thanks!"

"Yeah, no problem," he nodded, giving her a smile. "Do you want to put your backpack back here too? I can try and get it to fit."

"Oh, that's okay. I'll just hold it with me," she said.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Mhm. Thanks," she said.

He nodded, turning back to the trunk.

All alone, loading up her things.

She felt bad.

She got into the backseat with Karen, who was sitting behind her dad. Olivia sat behind Mellie, and then they started pulling out of their parking spot.

She felt the butterflies in her stomach while they headed back to her new home for the next little while. She texted her mom that she had been safely picked up and was on her way to the house.

They all talked a little bit about Olivia's aspirations at the new school she'd be attending, and why she was so excited. She was never hesitant to explain in detail her desire to live in the city. From what she'd seen so far from the place, and their drive from LaGuardia, it wouldn't disappoint. She was already star struck.

She looked out the window in awe, and they weren't even in Manhattan. She had barely even scraped the surface yet and it was so cool to her.

Mellie assured her that next week after Labor Day when she started school, she'd love it in the city. Along with the fact that Fitz would show her the ropes.

Karen interjected every once in a while, to tell her about their town or their neighbors that were close to her in age. She liked Karen already. She definitely seemed older than she was.

Fitz sat quietly, listening to everyone else talk. Just driving peacefully, one hand on the wheel, aviator sunglasses on, and an arm on the center console.

Mellie leaned her arm by his, and she expected to see them hold hands. They didn't.

Once they got off the highway and closer to their house in a more suburban setting, he opened the sunroof a little bit.

Their hair all blew in the wind as they pulled into a town that Olivia immediately recognized as Rye, from the pictures online. Oh yeah, this was it, alright.

"Wow," she whispered, looking out the window at the beach that she could already see.

"You like it, Olivia?" Mellie asked.

"Very much so," she nodded, looking up through the front windshield. She could see the clubhouse on the beach, and people everywhere. Boats in the marina and a beautiful boardwalk like she remembered. It all brought excitement and a smile to her face. She'd been so excited about the city. But this suburb would be pretty fun too, she had to admit.

Fitz looked back at her slightly, seeing the smile on her face. She met his eyes briefly, and he smiled too, immediately looking ahead again.

"That's Rye Town Park and Beach," Karen explained, pointing out the window. "We're members there. You can go whenever you want, Olivia!"

Olivia smiled, looking over at Karen. "That's awesome. Maybe we can go together soon. You can show me around."

Karen smiled and nodded, and so did Mellie.

"That's a fantastic idea. Mind if we tag along, too? We usually all go on Labor Day to celebrate the last day of Karen's summer. And now, _yours_ too!" Mellie exclaimed.

"Yeah, sure, that sounds fantastic," Olivia nodded. "We don't have beaches like that at home. Only...little _lake_ beaches."

"Oh no, not here. That's the Long Island Sound! Do you know what that is?" Mellie asked. "I only ask because people who aren't familiar with the area usually have no idea."

"I do!" Karen exclaimed.

"Well you live here, silly," Fitz said, smiling in the mirror at her. Karen laughed and nodded, knowing she had been caught.

Olivia smiled, too, at their cute interaction.

"I do," Olivia said, acknowledging Mellie. "A tidal estuary. Saltwater from the ocean and fresh water from the rivers that mixes together."

"Wow, impressive!" Mellie said. "You're exactly right. Not as salty as the Atlantic. But just as beautiful, I think."

Fitz nodded in agreement before he spoke up. "And...on the clearest days, if you stand on the boardwalk at the furthest point, you can just about see—"

"The Manhattan skyline?" Olivia guessed with a smile. She was happy he had jumped into the conversation.

"The Manhattan skyline," Fitz nodded. "How did you know that?"

"I read about it," she said. "I read a lot."

He nodded, looking at her in the mirror.

"Well, that doesn't surprise me, considering your major. You and Fitz should get along great. He _loves_ to read," Mellie said. "Don't you?"

"I do," he agreed, nodding.

"You should see the library he has in his office at work. It's _really_ big," Karen noted.

"Oh yeah?" Olivia asked. "That's so cool. What genres are you into?"

"All of them."

She smiled. Well jeez. Maybe the shy, quiet dad was the one she'd get along best with.

"How about you?" he asked, turning onto a road called Bolton Avenue.

"All of them."

He smiled, nodding as he pulled into a gated, brick driveway. The gates opened for him.

She tried to keep her eyes from widening again, as they pulled up to their house.

It was massive. An actual mansion, that was for sure. There was a roundabout in the middle of their driveway, with a garden in the center. Everything about the place was breathtaking.

"You have a beautiful home," Olivia said, as they pulled up and around the side to the garage.

"Thank you!" Mellie said.

"Thank you," Fitz echoed.

"It's yours now, too, Olivia," Karen said.

Olivia smiled, looking over at her.

"She's right!" Mellie agreed.

"You wanna show her around, K?" Fitz asked.

"Yes!" Karen nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt as they parked.

Olivia grabbed her backpack and slung it around her back as she got out.

"You can go with Karen. I'll grab your things for you," Fitz said, as they met by the trunk.

"Oh, are you sure?" Olivia asked.

"Mhm. She'd love to show you," he said, smiling slightly. "It will make her day."

She nodded and thanked him, before following Karen and Mellie inside.

Seriously. Nobody was going to help this poor man?

She already wanted to go back out and help him. But she followed Karen as he'd said.

Karen showed her around the whole house, which was just as beautiful on the inside as it was on the outside. Mellie eventually met them by the stairs that led to the basement after she had seen the first and second level, and they all headed down together, as that was where she'd be staying. She even met their little dog, Hank, who was adorable, before they headed down.

The basement just about took her breath away at first sight.

It was huge, and extremely beautiful. There was a living room area. A small kitchen. An office near the back, as well as a storage room. A home gym. Two bedrooms. And two bathrooms.

Man, it was beautiful.

Fitz was already down there with all her belongings. They walked into one of the bedrooms where he was, as he was situating her bags on her bed.

He stopped as soon as they entered. "This room is bigger, so I figured you'd want this one. But...you can definitely have the other one too, if you want. I could move your things."

"No need, this will do perfectly," Olivia nodded, setting her backpack down on her bed next to the rest of her bags. "Thank you so much!"

"Yeah, no problem," he nodded.

"Do you like it, Olivia?" Karen asked.

"I love it. Thank you!" she nodded.

Karen smiled.

"Well, why don't we leave you to unpack some of your things and get situated. We don't want to be too overwhelming on your first day. We'll make some dinner and you can come up whenever you'd like. I remember you're not allergic to anything, but is there anything you don't like?" Mellie asked.

"Oh, nope. I'm not picky at all, I'll eat anything," Olivia replied.

"Wonderful. We'll leave you to it then," Mellie said.

"Thanks so much," Olivia replied.

Karen followed her mom and Fitz walked around her bed past her, turning back as he reached the door.

"There are, um...towels in the bathroom already, and extra sheets in your closet," he said.

"Perfect. Thanks so much again."

He nodded, and then hesitated a bit before he left. She gave him a little smile which he returned. And then he left her be.

She sighed, looking at all her belongings on her big bed. Much bigger than her twin at home, which was extremely nice.

But she had a lot to unpack. She'd rather get it done sooner than later, so that she could at least see her bed, and also so that she had a room that felt like her own here.

The faster she got settled, the faster it would feel like a home to her, she hoped.

She started unpacking, and hanging up clothes in the walk-in closet she now had. A _walk-in closet!_

And she put on some music while she did it, her large playlist she'd been listening to on the flight here. All her favorites—some rap, some R&B, some pop. Unpacking would be a _long_ process.

The excitement only continued to build in her, as she unpacked her room—her _life_—in this new place.

She was slightly terrified, she had to admit. But all the things she didn't know yet, all the things she had to _learn_, excited her. She was adventurous, and this was by far the most adventurous thing she'd ever done.

She'd call her mom later, probably when she went to bed, but now she wanted to call her best friend back home. She hadn't kept her updated as much, and felt like she needed to tell her all the details.

She put the phone on speaker and walked around as she heard it ringing.

"Liv?!"

"Hey!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Hey! Oh my god, are you finally there?!" Shawn asked.

"Yes! Shawn—this place is amazing. I mean, I haven't seen much of the city yet. Just from the plane. They live in more of a suburb, like at home. Except...you know, on a much grander scale," Olivia laughed.

"Right, right, I remember you saying it was really nice. Girl, tell me about the house _you're_ staying at though!"

Olivia just smiled. "It's...amazing. They practically gave me the whole basement to myself. And let me tell you, the basement is like half of _my_ house."

"Damn. Liv, you need to send ya girl some pics so I can live vicariously through you," Shawn said.

Olivia laughed. "I will, I will."

"How's the family? Are they really weird? Are they really _white?"_ Shawn asked, which made Olivia laugh again.

"They seem really nice so far. The woman's really talkative and she seems like she's excited about having me here, and same with their daughter. They have a super cute dog. And...the guy is kind of shy, I think. He's quiet. But he's super nice."

"Okay, what are their names so I can start memorizing," Shawn asked.

"Uh, Mellie is the woman. Karen is their daughter, who's 10, by the way. She's adorable. The guy is Fitz, and the dog is Hank."

"Hank?!" Shawn asked, laughing.

"Yep, Hank," Olivia giggled. "He's adorable, seriously. He's a cute little beagle."

"Aww. So are the parents decently young or are they, like, the two old ass parents with a spoiled young child typa family?" Shawn asked.

"No, actually...I wouldn't look at them and think they'd have a 10-year-old at all. I don't know how old they are. Let me see if that's on the forms, because I'm actually curious, I should have checked before now."

"Well, they gotta be at least like...38, 39, or something, then right? That seems like a logical age if they have a ten-year-old," Shawn said.

"No, there's no way they're that old," Olivia said, looking through the papers she had in her backpack. "Seriously, when I first saw Mellie on FaceTime, and then when I saw them both in person, I was honestly shocked."

"Damn," Shawn noted. "I like this. You're not stuck with some grandparents or something."

Olivia laughed, and finally spotted their basic information on the top of the form, which included their birthdays. Mellie was born in '88 and Fitz in '89. She quickly did the math.

"Yeah, Shawn, they're, like, 30," Olivia said.

"What?!"

"Yeah. Mellie will be 31 soon; in October. And Fitz just turned 30 in May."

"What? Ain't no way," Shawn said, shaking her head.

"I'm telling you, I have the info right in front of me!" Olivia laughed. "Mellie was born in '88 and Fitz was born in '89."

"See, now that don't even seem like a host 'family', that just seems like...host 'friends'!" Shawn exclaimed.

"Yeah," Olivia laughed. "That's cool. I'd prefer it that way."

"Okay, but wait a minute, they got a whole ten-year-old already? That's crazy. Maybe they adopted her when she was older?" Shawn questioned.

Olivia shook her head. "No way. She's like...a mini, female version of the guy and has features _identical_ to Mellie, too. Definitely...definitely _their_ kid," Olivia laughed.

"Wow...they had her when they were, like, 20 then!" Shawn exclaimed. "I guess my grandma had my mama at 22, so that's fair. I don't care about their backstory. I just care that they treat my girl right."

"They will, Shawn," Olivia said with a laugh. "I think they want their daughter to do the same thing I'm doing eventually, when she's old enough. Or at least Mellie seems enthusiastic about that. That seems a bit far off yet, but...I suppose, being hosts does look good in this kind of program, so I understand."

"Well good. Then I'm satisfied," Shawn said. "Except that I fucking miss you! How am I supposed to survive this semester without you? Or even worse—if you stay a whole goddamn year?"

"Well, Shawn, you're going to stop going out and hitting your _dab pen_ with the neighbors every night, and _FaceTime_ me!" Olivia exclaimed.

Shawn laughed. "Here, I have a compromise for you. How about I hit my dab pen and FaceTime you at the _same_ time."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Well—your mama catches you with that again, there's gonna be no more Shawn for me to FaceTime."

Shawn burst into laughter again. "You're right. I'd be a goner. You'd think with a smart nerd best friend, I'd learn to fall in line by now. But still, here I am. Breaking rules. Living life."

"I'm no nerd," Olivia protested.

"Mmmhm," Shawn replied, unconvinced. "How long are we gonna argue about this?"

"Well, we've been arguing about it since we were enemies on the playground in kindergarten, and it's been 13 years now, so I doubt it will stop any time soon," Olivia said with a laugh.

"You probably right," Shawn agreed. "I'm glad we've outgrown the enemies stage."

"Me too," Olivia nodded. "And...I'm really gonna miss you, you know. All jokes aside. This semester, this year...however long I'm here. It's not gonna be the same without you."

Shawn sighed. "You're gonna go and make me cry, now, huh? Is that it? Is that what you're gonna do?!"

"No!" Olivia exclaimed. "Don't cry because then I'll cry. We're not doing that today. These people will think I'm nuts if they see me come up the stairs crying on day one. They'll already want to return me."

Shawn burst into laughter. "You make me laugh."

"Thanks. I try."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Liv. But, hey, no matter how long you stay, it's okay. I'm coming to the city the day I can afford to get out of here. And I wouldn't want to share a tiny, gross, New York City apartment with anyone else," Shawn said.

Olivia laughed. "Alright, well, I'm holding you to that."

"Please do. And if you start fooling around with cute New York City boys...they better know if they hurt you, they have to deal with _me,"_ Shawn warned.

"I'll make sure to let all the cute New York City boys know, Shawn," Olivia laughed.

"Good. And...then send pics of them to me. We don't have any eye candy in this godforsaken state."

"True that," Olivia agreed. "Well...except for Marcus Walker. Rightttt, Shawn?"

"Oh you shut your mouth," Shawn replied.

"Hey. Just saying," Olivia shrugged.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on it. It's just...a slow process."

"Well I'm rooting for you!" Olivia said.

"Thank you! I'm rooting for you too. City boys for the win," Shawn replied.

"City boys for the win," Olivia nodded. "Hey, I think I'm going to head upstairs and see if they want me to eat dinner. I'm supposed to go up whenever...I don't want to keep them waiting."

"Oh yeah, you better do that. Snap me, okay. I'm tryna see that cute dog."

"Will do," Olivia laughed. "Bye, Shawn. Love you."

"Bye, Liv, love you too."

She hung up the phone and slid it in her back pocket before she headed upstairs.

The smell of Italian food started to hit her as she climbed the stairs to this beautiful home that she still couldn't quite wrap her head around.

The beautiful, sculpted railings that lined the wall as she walked up. The softest carpet she thought she'd ever felt beneath her feet. The top of the landing, where rich, dark, wooden floors began on the middle level. Wow.

She pushed the door open fully and tried to remember which way to go to get to the kitchen.

She went the wrong way.

"Oh. Shoot," she whispered under her breath, when she realized she'd reached the music room.

She started walking back down the hallway she'd come from and turned left. But as soon as she turned, she immediately ran into an extremely firm chest.

"Oh!"

"Oh—I'm sorry," he said, looking down at her.

"No, _I'm_ sorry. I got lost trying to get to the kitchen," she admitted with a laugh.

His face softened and he gave her a slight smile. "Oh, you're on the right track—that way, all the way down," he said, pointing left, where she'd been heading.

Well, at least she _had_ been on the right track.

"Okay, thank you," she laughed.

He nodded and slipped past her, heading toward the front entryway and toward the front door.

She looked back at him and watched him walk away curiously.

He opened the front door and looked briefly over his shoulder at her, before quickly looking away after realizing she'd been looking at him first. And then he shut the front door gently.

Something about him was interesting to her. She had no idea what. So far he'd barely spoken a word to her aside from general customary phrases, there wasn't all that much to go off of yet.

She knew she liked Karen a lot, but she was a kid, and she loved kids, so that was no surprise.

Mellie was also talkative and sweet to her, yet she wasn't at all curious about Mellie.

It was odd that she couldn't figure it out. That she didn't know herself well enough to know why she was so curious about this unfamiliar man.

But, she brushed it off and headed to the kitchen for dinner.

"Oh, Olivia! Fitz and I whipped up some spaghetti and garlic bread. There are also green beans, as well. I hope this is okay?" Mellie asked.

"Sounds wonderful to me, thank you," Olivia nodded with a smile.

"Oh good, you're welcome! I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook, really, but _this_, I can handle," she chuckled. "My sweet husband does most of the cooking around here."

As she said it, Fitz walked into the kitchen from the back hallway, holding the mail in his hands that he'd clearly just went outside to get.

"Hmm?" Fitz asked, hearing her reference him.

"I was just telling Olivia that you're the big cook in the family," Mellie said cheerfully.

"Oh," Fitz nodded, seeming to force a smile. "Yes, I like to."

"Me too," Olivia nodded, looking at Fitz.

He flashed her a smile, a _real_ smile.

"Do you? What's your favorite thing to cook?" Mellie asked.

"Anything, really," Olivia replied. "My mom runs a restaurant back home, so I know how to make a lot of our dishes there. But...I love to learn new dishes too, and follow recipes. I also love to bake."

"Oh, well that's wonderful. You and Karen have that in common, she's learning to be quite the baker herself. Also—courtesy of Fitz," Mellie said.

He nodded. "She's a natural."

"You're probably right. Now speaking of, Karen!" Mellie yelled out cheerfully. "Time for dinner, honey."

Karen came down, smiling brightly at Olivia the second she reached the kitchen.

And they sat down and had dinner together.

Karen sat by Olivia, and Fitz and Mellie sat at the heads of the table.

The dinner conversation helped them all get to know each other a little better. Olivia told them all about her decision to enroll in this program, and having wanted to do it for practically her whole high school career. She told them about her dream of becoming a book editor after college, too.

She told them about her mom, the lovely, amazing woman that had raised her, and more about what she did for a living. Which, eventually led to a conversation about her father, who had passed away when she was very young. But she was okay to talk about it. While it always made her sad to think about the fact that she never really got to know her dad, talking about him also brought a smile to her face. Her mother would tell her stories about how kind and gentle he was. About how romantic he was, and the things he would do for her. About how careful he was when he was driving them all home from the hospital after Olivia had been born, and how Marie was still unsure of how they hadn't gotten pulled over for going too _slow_.

But luckily, her uncle Frankie, her mom's brother, had been a very important father figure in her life. He, obviously, could never replace the father she had lost and never known. But he lived close, and had been there for every basketball tournament. Every spelling bee. Every choir concert. And she already knew that one day, he would walk her down the aisle at her wedding, too. So she made sure to mention her angel uncle Frankie as well. He was an English teacher at the local public high school back home, and one of the main reasons she was actually majoring in English. She wasn't shy in disclosing information about her mom and her uncle, and all they did for her.

They were very kind, wanting to hear every bit. And Olivia got to know them a little better, too.

A little more about their jobs, which clearly, they were very successful in. More about how she and Fitz would be going in together every morning, if that's what she wanted. Karen and all her activities, which was a _lot_.

After dinner, she helped them clean up the kitchen, which they thanked her for. But she already wanted to make sure they knew how grateful she was to be able to stay with them. And cleaning up after dinner was certainly no bother.

Karen turned in earlier than everyone else, and then everyone else followed suit in time.

Olivia was grabbing a glass of water before bed, when Fitz came down with that very same idea. The house was dark, and everyone else had retired to their rooms for the evening.

So Olivia was in pajamas and so was Fitz. Olivia's entailed a pair of shorts and a tank top, and Fitz's entailed a T-shirt and gym shorts.

She found her eyes wandering without even realizing, but she quickly pushed the thought aside as he spoke up.

"Oh. Hi," he greeted, coming to meet her by the kitchen island. "I wasn't sure if...you were still up."

"Hi," she greeted back. "Yeah, I just came to grab some water. Is it alright if I take this glass with me downstairs? Some of my things are still packed away in different bags. I don't know where I put everything so I haven't been able to find my water bottle!"

"Oh, yeah, no worries at all, go ahead," he nodded. "Is there anything else you need?"

"Oh, no. I'm good, thank you so much," she answered.

"Mhm," he nodded, going to fill up his glass.

He moved to touch the button on the fridge's water dispenser, and she watched his upper back and his arms intently.

But she had to sip her water in order to feel less awkward about it when he turned around.

"Well, I think I'm going to head down to bed. I'm going to give my mom a call," she said. "Thanks so much to you and Mellie and Karen for the great first day! I had so much fun."

"Yes, of course. We're glad to have you here with us," he said, shooting her a smile.

There were times she could have sworn he'd faked a smile throughout the day. The kind of smile where she could just tell, it was forced, and not quite genuine.

And every fake one she noticed seemed to be directed at Mellie.

But the smiles he gave to his daughter always felt real.

And so did the ones he gave to her.

The voice inside her head was telling her she was nuts. She was convinced she was getting ahead of herself because she didn't know this family yet, and she didn't know their dynamic. So, like she'd done multiple times so far that day, she brushed yet another thing aside.

She did, however, flash him a very real smile back. She didn't even have to think about it. She was smiling as soon as he was.

"I'm very glad to be here, too," she said warmly. "Goodnight," she added, giving him a little wave.

"Goodnight," he nodded back. "Sleep well."

"You too."

She had almost turned the corner to the hallway that held the basement door, where she would retreat to her room. But a soft, deep voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Olivia."

She turned around immediately, looking at him.

"Yeah?"

He flashed her another small, crooked smile.

"Welcome to New York."

* * *

Well, there's your first chapter!

You'll find out more about them in the next few chapters.

**Just a disclaimer, I know there will be people who don't like this storyline. And that's okay! I just ask that if so, you kindly ****_stop reading._**** This definitely won't be for some people, I'm sure, but that doesn't mean there needs to be rude reviews.**

Thanks for tuning in for the first chapter, regardless!

Read on!

~T


	2. First Day

**I wanted to thank you for the amount of support I got after the first chapter. It heavily outweighed the hate I got for it, although I was not surprised about the hate. I know this story is different, and I know it's not ideal, and that was why I wanted to tell it. I'm not going to spend time defending the reasons I'm writing it the way I am, because those reasons will be displayed throughout the story. However, if you do not care to learn the reasons, please _do not_ read it. I will say that real life is messy, and real life is complicated. And canon Olitz was one of the messiest, complicated couples I've ever witnessed. Sh*t happens, and that's that. So without further ado, here's chapter two.**

* * *

"Karen! Are you ready?" Mellie yelled upstairs.

"Yes, I'm coming!" Karen yelled back excitedly.

"Baby, did you grab the beach bag?" Mellie asked.

"Yes," Fitz nodded.

"Wonderful. How about you, Olivia, do you have everything you want to bring?" Mellie asked.

"I'm set," Olivia smiled, holding up the book she was currently reading. It had been assigned as summer reading, and she'd read it once already. She'd finished all of those assignments back in July. So she was reading it again. Nothing wrong with being extra prepared, she thought.

"Mom. Can I bring my phone?" Karen asked.

"Sure, K. As long as you keep it in the bag when you go in the water," Mellie nodded.

Karen nodded back and met them all by the entryway, wearing her swimsuit coverup.

They were about to go spend the afternoon at the famous Rye Town Park and Beach that Olivia had heard so much about, and that she'd seen pictures of online. It was a beautiful beach club that required its visitors to be members. There were other beaches that you didn't have to be members to go swim at, but apparently this one was the best.

Karen had told Olivia as much, and they'd been waiting a couple days to go.

And now, Labor Day was finally here. The last day of summer, and the day before she officially started the school year at UNIS. She'd been waiting for this for a long time, too.

And she was pretty excited to spend her last day of summer at the beach. There was nothing better than laying out in the sun with a good book.

Fitz gave Hank a treat before they left, and then they all piled into Mellie's SUV to head there. It was a brief five-minute drive. Olivia still found herself admiring the town out the car window as they drove. She'd been here a couple days already, and she was still enamored with the place.

She could only imagine how enamored she'd be with the actual city once she got to see it in person.

When they got there, they immediately had to check in, and get Olivia her guest pass. Fitz and Mellie had made sure to call ahead of time and get her one so that she could go whenever she wanted without needing any of the Grants there with her, if she so desired.

This kind of thing was entirely new to her. The beach club. The fancy memberships. The marina of boats. She couldn't deny that it was pretty cool, though.

They found a nice spot near the middle of the beach where they laid out their towels. It was about 1:00, they'd eaten prior to coming, but had brought some snacks along just in case they got hungry later in the afternoon. It was the perfect time to be out, but it was also pretty busy.

Karen immediately wanted to go in the water, so Olivia volunteered to go with her, which made her even happier.

"Oh, perfect! Thank you, Olivia," Mellie said.

"Of course!" Olivia nodded, laying out her towel.

She pulled the T-shirt over her head and slid her denim shorts off, revealing a blue bikini underneath that was one of her favorites.

"That's a pretty swimsuit, Olivia," Karen said, smiling at her.

"Thank you!" Olivia replied. "I love yours, too."

Karen blushed, smiling down at her floral one-piece. "Thanks."

The talk of swimsuits had both Mellie and Fitz looking her way. The second she met Fitz's eyes, he immediately looked out at the water, scratching his head.

In the couple days she'd been here, she still hadn't really been able to figure him out. He was kind. But so quiet, and so shy. He didn't talk much to her, but she was pretty sure he just needed to become more comfortable with her. He certainly wasn't this shy with his wife and daughter, she didn't think, so she figured it would just take time.

She and Karen went out to the water, which was filled with people. She had her hair up in a tight bun so that it didn't get wet, but Karen was eager to jump right in.

She was pretty cute. Olivia could tell that Karen had already really taken a shine to her, and it had been the same for Olivia. She was a good kid.

While they were out in the water, she would often sneak a glance back at the shore, where Mellie and Fitz were laying.

Mellie was in her bright red, flashy bikini, tanning on her towel. Olivia wondered how the two had gotten together, because she was sure they were the exact opposite.

Mellie was not at all afraid to flaunt their wealth and their beauty. Which, wasn't necessarily unfair, she guessed. They were two very clearly successful, good-looking people, there was no denying it, so they'd earned the right to show it off, she supposed. And she didn't know for sure, but she wouldn't be surprised if one, or both, had come from well-off families, based on the lavish lifestyle they lived. But, she could be wrong. It truly wasn't her place to even make a judgment call on the matter. Either way, Mellie liked to make sure people knew about it.

But Fitz was not at all that way. Not flashy, at least in his personality. He sure as hell wore nice things, and if you saw him on the street without knowing him, you'd probably know he was loaded. But it wasn't his instinct to flaunt it. He very quietly went about his business, and looked good while doing it.

That was Olivia's assessment so far.

Fitz was still wearing his shirt, reading a book a comfortable distance away from her. The entire time Olivia and Karen had been out in the water, she hadn't seen them speak to each other once.

Granted, he was reading and she was tanning, she understood that. But not a _single_ time? It seemed a bit odd.

Since she'd been here with this family, she'd noticed that most of the interactions she witnessed were either between Fitz and Karen, or Mellie and Karen, and of course, they'd all speak to Olivia. When the couple did interact, it always felt a little forced, as if it was for show.

Olivia definitely found it strange. She didn't know what went on behind closed doors between the two, and she didn't have a right to know. It wasn't her place and she shouldn't even concern herself with the thoughts. She still didn't know these people that well. But she couldn't help that she'd taken note of that right from the beginning.

Eventually, Karen wanted to get a snack, so they decided to go back to their towels for a little bit.

"How was the water?" Mellie asked.

"Really good!" Karen exclaimed.

"Yeah. Refreshing," Olivia nodded, wiping her face with her towel.

"Wonderful. What do you say when you're done with your snack, you come swim with your old mom?" Mellie exclaimed. "I need to cool off."

"Really?" Karen asked, as if it was crazy her mother was offering.

"Of course!" Mellie nodded.

"Okay!" Karen said, finishing up the snap peas she was eating.

Olivia laughed when Karen and Mellie eventually ran out to the water. Karen was such a sweet, happy girl.

Olivia took the opportunity to look over at Fitz, whose towel was next to hers.

He was reading "All the Light We Cannot See," which she'd heard of.

At the risk of annoying him while he was trying to read, she started a conversation. She couldn't help it.

"I've heard that book's really good. Would you recommend it?" she asked.

He looked over at her, his short, wavy hair starting to get _very_ curly in the summer heat. She knew she had been right about those hidden curls.

"Yeah, I really like it so far," he nodded. "I'd recommend it."

She nodded back with a smile. "Cool. Another one to add to my never-ending list."

He gave her a smile. "When I finish it…you can read it if you'd like."

"Really? Oh, thank you!" she replied gratefully. "I will take you up on that."

"Of course," he nodded. "I saw before that you're reading "Death of a Salesman.'"

"I am!" she nodded, pulling it out of her bag. "Have you read it?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Twice, actually."

"Really? Me too," she laughed. "Well, I'm on the second read-through right now. It's for this semester."

"And you've already read it once?" he asked.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I finished my assigned reading over a month ago, and…I guess I just want to be prepared, so I'm reading it again."

He looked impressed. "Good for you."

"Thanks," she smiled.

He smiled back and then put his book down next to him, looking out at the water. Karen and Mellie were out there talking to what looked like another girl Karen's age and her mother.

Olivia followed Fitz's gaze out to the water, until she was distracted by rustling next to her.

She looked over at him, and he was lifting his shirt over his head. She actually wondered how he'd gone this long, because it was_ hot _out.

But her eyes began to widen, and she began to _officially_ stare.

Ho..ly…shit.

He put his shirt down next to him and adjusted the waistband of his swim trunks, before leaning back on his palms.

She was sure she watched the entire goddamn thing. She'd known he was a fit guy, she'd been able to see it through his clothing. But there was only so much you could imagine in your head until you actually saw what was beneath the clothing.

His sculpted abdomen and pecs were now out in the open for her to see, and so were his biceps, for that matter. She _had_ heard him work out this morning in the home gym downstairs, so that was all becoming very clear to her now.

She had to quickly look away before he saw her staring. She instantly felt so wrong for even _noticing_ the way he looked. Not her place, _not_ cool.

She did, however, quickly look out at Mellie just to make sure she hadn't seen her do a full stare-down of her husband.

Mellie was still very much engaged with the other woman, chatting with her. So Olivia felt instant relief.

_Now. Please stop being an idiot_, she thought.

She was currently fiddling with a loose thread on her towel, trying to think of something to divert her attention from what she'd seen and carry on the conversation. She looked up at him and was about to ask how often they went to the beach, but found that he was already looking her way.

Not noticeably. His head wasn't fully turned. But he was very clearly looking at her.

His eyes flickered up to meet hers, and she could have sworn she saw sheer _panic_ in them. As if he was so afraid she'd just seen him looking.

Now she was completely flustered, temporarily forgetting what the hell she was just about to say to him.

So this "getting comfortable with each other" thing wasn't going so great.

They both tried to start another conversation after that awkward interaction.

"So how—"

"Um, so—"

They both cut themselves off as the other had started to talk too, and awkwardly laughed.

"Sorry. You go," he said.

"Right, sorry, I was just going to ask how often you all came to the beach," she said.

"We come pretty often. Maybe every other weekend or so. It depends on what we've got going on and what Karen's got going on. But…between this and the pool, we've got no shortage of swimming, so we're very lucky."

"Yes, your guys' pool is amazing," Olivia agreed. It was, indeed, very pretty.

"Thanks. You're welcome to go for a swim any time you'd like, by the way. Please feel free. I'll have to show you how the pool cover works," he said.

"Oh, thank you! Really, thank you," she said appreciatively. She wasn't going to turn down access to a beautiful backyard pool. She was honestly itching to go lay out back there, but felt a little awkward doing it randomly. Now that he'd given permission, she at least felt a little better about it.

"Mhm," he nodded.

"What were you going to say before?" she asked curiously.

"Oh," he remembered. "Uh…I was just going to say thanks for, um…for going out there with Karen. She really likes you, it's very easy to see. So thank you."

"Oh that's no problem at all, I really like her, too! She's so sweet, and _so _smart, my goodness," Olivia said.

He smiled, looking down at his towel and nodding. "Yeah. She is," he agreed.

Her heart warmed at how happy he became at the description of his daughter. Of course, he knew those things far better than she knew. It was a very sweet moment.

"Olivia!"

Olivia and Fitz instantly turned to see Mellie walking back with Karen, who was more like galloping toward Olivia excitedly. Alongside Mellie was the woman she'd been talking to, and her daughter, too, it appeared.

"Hey!" Olivia greeted.

"This is my friend, Casey."

Casey caught up and gave a shy wave to Olivia.

"Well hello there, Casey!" Olivia said.

"Hi," she replied shyly.

"Hey, Casey!" Fitz greeted, giving the little girl a smile.

Casey giggled and waved back. It was very clear Casey must have been pretty familiar with the Grant family because she was much less shy toward Fitz than she was toward Olivia.

"Have you two been having fun in the water?" Olivia asked.

They both gave excited nods.

"We sure have been," Mellie said, coming to meet them with Casey's mom right beside her. "Olivia, this is Susan, she's Casey's mom."

"Oh, hi there, nice to meet you!" Olivia said, kneeling forward and extending a hand.

"Nice to meet you, as well, Olivia," Susan said politely back. "I hear you're staying with Fitz and Mellie for a while!"

"Yeah, I am!" Olivia nodded. "They're showing me the ropes of Rye."

"Good! You'll fit right in here, I just know it!"

Olivia smiled back. "I hope so!"

"Hey, Susan, would you mind taking our picture together? We need to have one of our first outing together!" Mellie exclaimed.

"Oh, of course!" Susan nodded.

Mellie pulled out her phone and handed it to Susan while everyone got settled for the picture. Casey instantly went by her mom to examine her picture-taking skills.

Fitz and Olivia stood up next to Mellie and Karen, wiping the dry sand from their bodies.

Karen instantly went right in front of Olivia, so Olivia smiled and put her hand on her little shoulder.

She was directly next to Fitz, and Mellie was directly next to him on the other side. As they got ready for the picture, she could feel Fitz questioning if it was alright to touch her for the picture.

So she gave him a brief smile and leaned into his body a little bit, trying to tell him without words that he was fine.

He seemed to get the memo, because he rested his hand on her bare upper back lightly.

Olivia made sure to give her brightest smile for the camera.

That picture turned out to be a really great one. All four of them smiling brightly at the camera, with the chaos that was Rye Town Park and Beach around them.

It was definitely something she wouldn't ever forget. She had a lot of fun hanging out with them, and chatting more with each member of the Grant family. And reading in the wonderful sun.

But eventually, they did have to head back home. Not only to let little Hank out to the bathroom, but apparently Mellie was going to take Karen on a little last-minute school shopping spree.

They had to go pretty quickly after they got home, because the shopping center had shortened hours for Labor Day. So, they showered and got ready, and assured Fitz and Olivia they'd be home for dinner.

Olivia took some of that time to make sure everything was ready for her first day of school tomorrow. She had her outfit picked out, she had all her books packed. She sent a reply to her mom's "how are you?" text. And then she FaceTimed her best friend back home, as she hadn't spoken to her since the first day she'd arrived in New York—she'd only been keeping in touch with her over text and Snapchat.

Shawn wanted to hear all about the past couple days, and about the beach today, as Olivia had sent her a few Snapchats of the beach's view.

So Olivia made sure to tell her everything had been great. She even sent the picture that they'd all taken at the beach over to Shawn, as Mellie had sent it to her before she'd left for the mall.

The two friends were FaceTiming on their phones, but Shawn was simultaneously working on a last-minute summer assignment on her computer, so Olivia saw Shawn's reaction to the picture when it came up on her Mac.

Shawn leaned in close to the computer screen.

"Now wait a goddamn second."

Olivia nodded. "I know, I know—you like the cute one-piece, but I wasn't feeling it today. I decided on the blue bikini last minute."

"Nuh-uh, not that," Shawn said, looking at her computer screen with wide eyes. "Who in the hell...is that guy."

Olivia studied the chaotic picture on her own Mac. There were lots of people in the background. The beach had been pretty busy, after all, but she assumed Shawn meant the only guy that was clearly smiling for the camera.

"Um...brown hair, gray swim trunks, next to me?" Olivia asked.

"Ohhh yes, Jesus," Shawn nodded, lowering her glasses and leaning in closer to the screen.

Olivia felt her cheeks get warm, knowing exactly where this was going. Only because she wasn't an idiot, and because she'd had a similar, but more _contained_ reaction at the beach, herself.

"That's Fitz, Shawn..." Olivia said with a laugh.

"Come again?" Shawn asked, bewildered.

_"__Fitzgerald Grant,"_ Olivia repeated.

_"__That's _him? The shy, quiet dad. _That_ is him," Shawn stated, in disbelief.

"That is him," Olivia nodded.

Shawn let out a deep breath, still examining Fitz on the screen closely with her glasses on the bridge of her nose.

"Sweet lord, that man is fine as hell," Shawn said, looking back to Olivia and pushing her glasses up.

Olivia laughed and looked around, making sure she was still alone in her beloved basement room.

She knew she was blushing as she turned back to her friend, not really sure what to say.

"Um hello?" Shawn asked.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"Have you been ignoring how fine that man is or are have you just not looked at him the entire three days you've been there? God_damn!_ I mean—I'm normally not into white dudes but that white dude is—"

"Okay—shhhh!" Olivia exclaimed, looking around for her headphones. She should have put those in the second Shawn went all googly-eyed.

"Don't you dare say _anything_ else," Olivia said, grabbing her headphones.

Shawn put her hands up in defense, waiting patiently for Olivia to have them in her ears.

"There. Am I free to speak?" Shawn asked, shooting her a look.

"Yes, you are free to speak," Olivia laughed.

"Okay, good. Now explain yourself."

"Explain what?!" Olivia asked. "I didn't ask God to make him that fine."

"Ouuu!" Shawn exclaimed, slapping her desk dramatically. "So…he's not racist, or sexist. He's nice. He's rich as hell, but not snobby. _And _he looks like_ that?_ I've decided the shy, hot dad must be protected at all costs."

"You've decided this, huh?" Olivia laughed.

"I have, ma'am. Protect him for both of us, okay?"

"Well, I think I can do that. It sounds like I'll be spending more time with him than anyone else in the family, so."

_"__Perfect._ That's what I like to hear."

"Yeah. He's...I don't know. I don't know how to describe him. Something about him just...interests me," Olivia said. "I feel so weird about it, but he's just…I don't know. He's interesting."

"Mmmhm, homie interests me too," Shawn smirked.

"Stop that. No. Definitely no," Olivia laughed.

"Ohhh, is someone jealous?" Shawn asked, giving Olivia an even bigger smirk.

_"__What?" _Olivia asked nervously. "The man is...literally married, Shawn. And…like, 30. And...I live in his house. Yeah, _god_ no."

"All of that has absolutely no relevance in this conversation."

"Uh…yes they do. I can't be jealous of someone that's _so_ unavailable it's not even funny," Olivia said.

"Sure you can. You don't control jealousy. The heart wants what the heart wants," Shawn said dramatically.

"Well, the heart does not want Fitz Grant," Olivia laughed.

"Then what does the heart want?" Shawn asked.

"His _food," _Olivia said, pointing at Shawn. "He's lowkey a damn good cook and I smell his food already, so I should go."

"Shit," Shawn said. _"And_ he can cook?! You sure the heart don't want all that?" she teased.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "I'm sure. _Bye_ Shawn."

"Bye, Liv."

She put her phone down and let out a big breath, thinking about their conversation.

Weird.

All she could think to do lately was brush these things off. Mostly because she felt wrong for even thinking about the man in the slightest. So she shook it off, and headed upstairs toward the wonderful scent of Fitz's cooking.

As soon as she entered the kitchen she could see that he was alone, and that Mellie and Karen hadn't come back yet. He stood at the stove, multitasking with different pots and pans.

"Hi," Olivia greeted.

He jumped, almost knocking over the pot in front of him. The problem with that, was that he touched it out of instinct to steady it, and that pot _clearly_ did not feel good on his skin.

"Oh, f—sh—son of a—" he grimaced, shaking his hand out and turning toward the sink.

She put her hands up to her mouth, wincing at him. "Oh my god, are you okay?"

He ran his hand under cold water and looked up at her, his face red with embarrassment. "Hi. Sorry. I'm fine, you just…you scared me."

"No, _I'm_ sorry, oh my god. Seriously—I'm so sorry, that was my bad," she said, coming to look at his red hand under the running water.

"No, it's okay," he replied, turning off the water.

"This doesn't look okay," she said, grabbing his hand gently and examining it.

One side of his entire palm was already red, and she knew it must have hurt like a bitch.

She held his hand, realizing how large it was on top of hers. His fingers were long, and his palm was big. The veins were extremely prominent too, which wasn't surprising, considering they were prominent all over his body. Or so she assumed, based on what she'd seen at the beach.

She quickly realized she was doing it again. Staring.

"I heard a lot of potential curse words come out of your mouth and I don't think you followed through on any of them," she said, looking up at him.

He laughed. "I couldn't pick one."

"The funny thing is I can't _imagine_ you picking one. Do you ever curse?" she asked.

He looked at her funny and then nodded.

She smiled. "No way."

"You don't believe me?" he asked.

"It's just...you're kind of quiet. I couldn't imagine you cursing."

He swallowed and nodded. "Yeah."

She leaned her elbow on the counter, looking up at him curiously. "Can I...ask why that is?"

"Why...I'm quiet?" he asked.

She nodded.

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'm not quiet around...the right people."

"So...I'm not…am I not the right people?" she asked.

His eyes widened like he'd done something wrong. "What? No, I'm sorry—I didn't mean—"

"I'm kidding," she laughed.

He nodded, smiling slightly at her. "I just meant...we don't know each other very well yet."

"Ah. So by the end of this semester, we're gonna be chatting up a storm, you and I?" she asked.

He stood in thought, and then nodded. "Yeah."

"Okay. I'm holding you to that," she said.

"Please do," he nodded, looking down at his hand.

She followed his gaze and realized she was still holding onto his hand. His poor, red, burned hand.

"I'm sorry—I'm...wow. I'll go get you a bandage for this," she said, finally letting go.

"You don't have to," he replied.

"Yes I do, my fault. I've got a first aid kit, I'll be right back," she said.

"Okay," he chuckled.

She brought up her first aid kit, the one her mother insisted she pack. Thanks, mom.

"Okay, let's see," she began, looking through her kit.

He sat on the chair next to her, holding his burned hand out for her because she was hell-bent on fixing this. Well, as best she could, despite the fact that the damage had already been done.

The Neosporin she knew would help, so she grabbed that.

Meanwhile, she was pretty sure his palm only continued to get more red.

She paused, looking at its puffiness. "I am seriously so sorry, Fitz."

"It's really okay, Olivia," he assured her.

"Hmm," she said, grabbing his hand and showing him the bright red color—as if he couldn't see it himself. "This just doesn't look okay to me."

He leaned in closer to her. "I think it looks fucking badass."

Her eyes widened, and she saw him start to smile, looking innocently at her. She began to laugh.

"You actually had me there, oh my god!" she said.

"Were you expecting that?" he asked,

"Not at all. That was so powerful."

"It was powerful?" he laughed.

"Yes."

"Thank you. I didn't know I held this power."

She laughed, looking up at his smile. He had a really nice smile, she had to admit.

"You're welcome."

She fixed up his bandage, occasionally meeting his eyes. She almost felt shy every time she looked up at him.

"Uh...uh—okay. Is this better?" she asked, looking at his now bandaged hand.

"Yeah. Thank you very much," he nodded, flexing his fingers.

"Of course. Again...I'm just really so—"

"Olivia."

"...Yes."

He smiled at her and chuckled a little bit. "It's _okay."_

"Okay. Alright," she replied, putting her palm to her face in embarrassment.

"I uh...I've got some food ready, if you want to eat," he said, scratching his head. "Mellie texted me and said they'd be here soon but that we should start without them. She didn't want us having to wait on them."

"Oh, okay," Olivia nodded. Thank you so much."

"Mhm."

"So what's on the menu today?" she asked, getting up to go look.

"Just...garlic chicken and rice and...some salad," he said casually.

"Fitz, this looks amazing," she noted, looking down at the creamy chicken dish simmering in the pan.

"Thanks," he said, coming next to her. He grabbed her a plate, and reached for the big serving spoon to serve her some rice and chicken.

He tried not to show it, but the burn on his hand really did hurt, especially when the spoon handle was digging into the bandage.

"Oh. Oh no," she noted, looking at the spoon in his hand.

"…What?" he asked.

"You're left-handed."

He looked down at the spoon he held in his bandaged left hand.

"Uh…yeah."

"I didn't realize until now. Let me help. I'm so sorry," she said, reaching for the spoon.

He chuckled, but agreed and handed it to her. He actually was kind of thankful.

"Thanks."

They sat down to have dinner, and it was nice. So far between them, it had been little to no conversation, awkward staring, _and_ she'd now successfully aided in injuring him in the first three days. So, to have a nice, normal dinner with him for about twenty minutes was promising. Maybe it would make up for the lack of normalcy before.

But they only had those twenty minutes, because then Mellie and Karen came home. Karen was happy to show off all her new treasures, thanks to her mom. Mellie also later applauded Olivia's "bandaging" skills on Fitz's hand, which Olivia thanked her for, being a nurse and all.

It was a nice evening.

They all eventually retired to different ends of the house for the rest of the night, though. Olivia, to the basement, to get a good night's sleep for her first day.

Karen upstairs to her bedroom, to do the same.

Fitz upstairs to shower and then crawl into bed, too. He wanted to be well-rested for the week after the long holiday weekend. A lot had changed in just a weekend, and a lot would change going forward.

And he wasn't upset about it. In fact, in the three days their new guest had been there...he'd felt a little happier.

He felt happier seeing Karen so happy. She definitely liked Olivia, and looked up to her already. It was so easy to see.

He felt happier knowing Hank got a little more attention and affection.

And he felt happier that he had met her, now, after the brief two weeks he'd had to prepare for it. He didn't know why he felt happier about it. He didn't even know her well. But he just knew he liked her.

So he settled down in bed, feeling more content than he normally would on the evening before the week started.

Mellie, on the other hand, always liked to lay low and relax on Sunday nights. Or in this case, it was Labor Day Monday. She'd go lay in the sunroom and watch one of her recorded shows, read a magazine, or scroll through Pinterest. Anything to relax before the busy week started. And anything to be away from him, he assumed.

He certainly never saw her "relax" in their bedroom with him in it. In fact, their bedroom was never a relaxing spot in the house. Usually, it was tense, and cold.

He eventually heard Mellie come in that night, and silently groaned. Just as he was about to fall asleep, too. But he told himself to stop being an internal ass, and tried to will himself back to sleep.

She got ready for bed, doing her nightly routine and making a racket.

She finally crawled into bed next to him and scooted closer, wrapping her arms around him which instantly had him confused. Not that they were ever on super normal, _great_ terms, but they particularly hadn't been the last few days. They'd barely uttered a word to each other in private.

So he certainly wasn't expecting her to cuddle with him right now. They didn't cuddle. He seriously couldn't remember the last time they had.

But then he understood her intentions.

She started to kiss his neck, and her hand wandered down to his crotch. He was just wearing boxers, so she got a nice big handful.

He started to shift in bed, and winced at her mouth on his neck. He finally opened his eyes and turned to her, and put his hand on top of hers, which was still cupping his junk.

"Hey."

"Hey," she said, nipping his ear playfully.

"I'm tired, Mell."

"You won't be in about 30 seconds," she smirked, continuing to try and massage him down there. But it was clear neither he nor his dick were having it. He was tired, and it was flaccid central down there.

"Mellie, _stop,"_ he whispered._ "What_ are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? It's been ages, come on," she whispered.

"Can we just...hey—rain check, okay?" he asked, keeping a firm grip on her hand.

Her hand paused, and then reluctantly slipped out from under his.

He heard a big sigh, followed by her fluffing the covers.

"Rain check," she said to herself. Not as if she was agreeing with him. More like as if he was crazy.

He wanted to roll his eyes. But then he felt guilty, so he turned over and looked at her as she got settled into bed. She was much further away from him now that he'd denied her a chance to fool around.

He leaned in and kissed her cheek, which she looked like she could have cared less about. He went for her mouth to see if he got a better reaction. He didn't.

"I'd appreciate if you kissed me back, at least," he said dully.

"Aren't you too tired?" she asked him annoyedly.

He shot her a look. _Seriously?_

She sighed, but then waved him closer again with her fingers. So he planted another brief kiss on her lips and this time was reluctantly kissed in return. What a concept.

"Goodnight," she said, turning away immediately.

"Goodnight," he replied, doing the same.

It was no light-hearted interaction by any means.

And yet still, that little interaction was probably the most "affectionate" they'd been in ages.

* * *

Olivia walked around her room, double-checking that she had absolutely everything she needed. She definitely wouldn't have time for coffee this morning, because Fitz had told her last night what time they needed to leave, and it was nearing that time.

Oh well. She could skip coffee on the first day.

Maybe.

She slung her backpack over her shoulder, did one last check of her appearance in the mirror, and shut her door.

She'd slept pretty good last night. She awoke briefly when someone had come down to work out, which she assumed had been Fitz. But she had been able to go back to sleep.

That man woke up_ early_. Props to him. She wanted to be that motivated, herself. But she figured she needed to at least get a couple days of this entirely new life under her belt before she started drastically shaking up her schedule with a before-school workout. She already woke up early as hell just to make sure her makeup was on point every day. Which, it always was. She was a bit of a makeup guru and perfectionist.

When she walked upstairs, with a couple minutes to spare, she was greeted with just him in the kitchen, finishing a cup of coffee. Jealous.

"Hey, morning," he greeted, putting his cup in the sink.

She briefly looked over his apparel, and instantly wanted to know what exactly this man did for a living, because _wow._ He was in a three-piece suit on a Tuesday.

She knew he worked at J.P. Morgan and that was about the extent he had shared. Clearly, he was important.

"Morning," she greeted with a wave.

Hank came running up to her from behind, instantly rubbing up against her leg and vying for attention.

"Hey, Hank!" Olivia whispered, crouching down to pet him. He was very appreciative. His tail wagging gave it away.

"Are we the only two up?" Olivia asked, looking up at Fitz as she scratched Hank's back.

"Mellie's up, but she's getting ready for work. She won't leave for a while. And Karen's still asleep, her bus doesn't come until 8:30."

"Oh, okay," Olivia nodded. "Well, I'm ready when you are!"

"Alright. Bye, buddy," Fitz said to Hank.

Hank wagged his tail at Fitz, as if to say bye back.

Olivia smiled and gave him one last pat before standing up to head out.

"Did you…you ate breakfast right?" he asked, as he opened the garage door.

"Yep, usually that's the first thing I do when I wake up. So…it was a while ago," she replied.

"Oh okay," he nodded, just wanting to make sure.

She climbed into the passenger seat of his jaguar, which, was absolutely stunning. She actually hadn't been in it yet, because everywhere they'd gone so far, they'd taken Mellie's bigger SUV.

He put his briefcase in the backseat and then joined her in the front. She was welcomed with the smell of cologne as he got in. She wasn't complaining, he smelled fantastic. Men always did.

He adjusted his jacket and pushed the start button, looking over at her as she admired the car.

"I really like your car," she noted.

"Thank you," he nodded, turning the dial to reverse.

He backed out of the garage, and then put it in drive, making his way around the beautiful roundabout driveway and down toward the gate.

She still couldn't fathom that she actually now lived at a place like this. But here she was.

The car had recognized his phone instantly through bluetooth, and had begun to play his music quietly. He turned it up and looked over at her.

"You, um…you want to play some music?" he asked her.

She listened to the song he had on, and instantly decided the answer to his question was _no. _

The song that was playing was some alternative rock-sounding band, and based on that, she wasn't about to corrupt this poor man with the stuff _she_ listened to.

"Uh, no that's alright," she assured him.

"Sure?" he asked. "I don't know…what kind of music you like."

"This is perfect," she nodded.

"Okay."

It was comfortably silent for a few minutes, until he turned on his signal and slowed down. She was confused, because she knew they couldn't already be at the train station. They'd driven by it a couple days ago to show her, and it was about ten minutes from the house. And she knew this wasn't the area it was in.

She still wasn't familiar with the whole town yet, so it wasn't until they pulled up to the actual building that she realized where they were going to go.

She turned to look at him. "Starbucks?"

_"__Always_ Starbucks," he nodded, lifting himself off the seat a bit and grabbing his wallet from his suit pants.

"Agreed," she laughed. Yeah, he had that absolutely right. And it worked out perfectly for her, because she hadn't had time for coffee before they left.

"What do you like here?" he asked.

She thought quickly, seeing as though she liked a lot of different things. But it was still hot outside, so her go-to was an iced drink of some sort.

"I'll do a grande iced flat white, please," she said, pulling out her wallet from her backpack.

"Mkay," he nodded, pulling up to the window when it was his turn.

He rolled down his window and answered when the employee asked what he wanted.

"Hi, can I get a grande iced flat white, and a venti americano, please," he said.

Her eyed widened. Coffee at home, _and_ a venti drink at Starbucks? This man did life right.

She calculated her total from the digital screen, and dug through her wallet to pay him back.

"Yep, thank you," Fitz said to the employee, before pulling forward. He looked over at her fiddling with her wallet.

"Oh, hey. No worries," he shook his head.

She looked up at him like he was nuts. "What? Oh, no, Fitz. Please, you don't have to."

He shrugged, pulling up to the window. "It's really okay."

She just sat there, holding a five-dollar bill. Wishing he would just take it but knowing that buying her a coffee probably didn't make even the _slightest_ bit of difference in his bank account.

"Olivia. You can...you can put Abe Lincoln away."

She still felt bad, and she sighed as she put it back in her wallet. "Thank you, Fitz. You really didn't have to. My Abe Lincoln was...totally ready."

He started to laugh, and the sound made her happy. She hadn't heard him laugh all that much, but she liked when he did.

"It's not a big deal."

"Well, I take my coffee very seriously so it means a lot to me," she replied.

"I, too, take mine very seriously," he agreed. "It's a necessity of human life."

"It really is," she laughed. "I knew you took it seriously when I saw you'd already had a cup before this, and then ordered a venti, anyway."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It only becomes a problem when I don't eat anything. Then I feel...shaky. But otherwise...it doesn't affect me much. I sometimes even have a third or fourth cup of the day later at night."

_"__Really?"_ she asked, in awe.

"Yeah," he nodded.

"I'm impressed," she said. "Powerful."

And then he laughed again. The "powerful" thing seemed to make him laugh.

"You're funny."

The smile grew bigger on her face and she knew she probably was blushing.

"Thanks," she laughed.

They got their coffees and resumed their comfortable silence on the way to Rye's Metro-North station. They would be taking the New Haven Line at 6:55 a.m., and arriving at Grand Central at 7:40. This gave her the perfect amount of time to get to school for her 8:15 start time, which she had to admit, was nice.

Her school back home started at 7:30, so this was a plus. Although, it did end later, at 3:00, rather than 2:25 back home. But she didn't mind it much.

When they got to the station, she had to pick up her monthly unlimited card, which Fitz already had, of course. Aside from the money that went through the program to the Grants, to pay for her food and for her "housing," money also went toward her transportation.

And she was now about to get her first taste of the train, which she was kind of excited about.

Fitz had a parking pass for the station parking lot, and from there, it was pretty easy. They went to pick up her pass, and then waited outside the station for their train to come. They had made it about five minutes early, so she used those five minutes to start another conversation.

"This may be a dumb question, I just don't speak New Yorker," she began.

He was already laughing again. "I'm sure it isn't a dumb question, ask away."

"So…how come you don't drive in to work? I mean, do people in Rye do that, since they're not all that far from the city?" she asked.

"Oh, yeah some do," he nodded. "I do on occasion. But with the traffic, it usually takes just as long, if not longer to drive in than it does to take the train. And…on the train, I can read or get ahead on my emails, and make the most of my commute time. Whereas if I'm driving…I just waste two hours of my day every day."

"Very understandable," she nodded. "And I bet parking is a disaster in the city."

"A_ sizable_ disaster," he agreed, which had her laughing.

"Well, thank you for helping me with this. I truly hope it isn't too much of a bother for you," she said.

"Oh, no, not at all. You're welcome," he nodded.

"Is this the train you normally take?" she asked.

"Uh…no, I…usually take the 7:45 one," he admitted.

Her eyed widened. Mellie had made it seem as though this was going to be no big deal for him. But here she was, screwing with the man's schedule, and she didn't even know it. "Oh...my god. I'm so sorry, I wasn't aware this was going to affect you this much."

"What? No, it's okay," he chuckled. "This way I get in earlier and can leave earlier. No big deal at all. I won't have to rush to pick up Karen from all of her after school activities, either."

She shook her head. "I just…I really appreciate this. I can never say thank you enough."

"You're welcome," he nodded, looking down at her. Like he was trying to tell her that it was _okay_.

The train finally came, and they got on. Olivia was pleased to see that there were still even some open seats. Not many, but a few. Others were standing, too.

They took the last two seats near an end railing, and she put her backpack up on her lap. He immediately scrolled through his phone, looking at emails, she presumed.

There were butterflies in her stomach at the idea of this dream of hers becoming a reality. In just over an hour, she would be at the amazing school she'd dreamed of going to for years. With students from all over the world going there with her.

Just a girl from North Dakota, living out her dream in the big city.

She didn't bother taking out any of her books that she'd already read multiple times, although Fitz took out his. He asked if she minded if he read for a little bit, and she said _of course not. _

It kind of made her smile, actually. There were all these people on the train, looking at their phones or just looking utterly annoyed that their week was starting again after the long holiday weekend. Some were chatting quietly with each other, and some were just embracing their solitude.

And here was Fitz, very clearly a businessman, from his attire, reading a book.

It just wasn't something she'd seen very often. She admired it.

That train ride went surprisingly fast, given how excited she was for her day.

The butterflies in her stomach only heightened when they got off at Grand Central.

She slung her bag over her shoulder, making sure to stick close to Fitz's side so she didn't lose him in the swarm of people at the station.

And holy shit, _the swarm of people. _So many people everywhere.

He kept looking back to make sure she was still following close behind, and then nodded forward, as if telling her to walk by him.

"Sorry," she laughed, looking up at the _grand_ Grand Central, and catching up to him.

"No worries," he replied. "How do you like it?"

"It is…_really_ large," she admitted, looking around. "And amazing."

"Yeah," he agreed, adjusting his briefcase and looking around with a smile. "It is."

The beautiful teal-colored ceiling was even more amazing in person. She'd seen her fair share of pictures. But the real deal was much better.

She refrained from taking her own pictures because she didn't want to look touristy.

And once they exited the terminal and went outside, she _really_ had to refrain from taking pictures. She was now standing in New York City. The greatest city in the world, she thought.

"Holy…sh..f…_wow," _she whispered, looking all around her.

"Couldn't pick one?" he asked, looking over at her.

"Couldn't pick one," she agreed with a laugh, remembering their burn incident yesterday.

He smiled, watching her admire the city. He understood. He loved it the way she loved it, too.

She knew his office was a mere three minutes away, because she'd looked it up. But he offered to walk her to school, as she'd literally never walked anywhere in this city in her life. She gratefully thanked him and took him up on that offer.

"Just…just for today. Tomorrow, I swear, you can leave me to figure it out on my own," she assured him.

"I wouldn't do that to you," he said, shaking his head. "It's a big city. It will take some getting used to."

Well, she definitely believed that.

"Thank you," she said, for about the millionth time since she'd known this family.

He nodded, and they made their way past his building, toward where UNIS was. It wasn't a bad walk at all, which she was grateful for, for his sake. She didn't want him to waste any of his time on her. They'd already done so much for her and it was only her first day of class.

The second she saw the blue UNIS logo on the building, she wanted to cry. But again, she refrained.

It was hard to believe this was all really happening, until she actually saw the school in front of her.

"You nervous?" he asked, taking note of her wide eyes.

"A little," she admitted. "But mostly just…excited. Grateful."

He smiled. "I'm glad. Think you can take it from here?" he asked, as they approached the building. Students were already entering it, some alone, some with other students or adults.

"Definitely," she nodded, adjusting her backpack. "Thanks so much again."

"Of course. You get done at…?"

"Oh, 3:00. But please, don't worry about it. I can wait. I really don't want to interfere with your work, you don't have to—"

He shook his head at her, interrupting her plea. "I'll be here at three."

She smiled, starting to head up the stairs. "Thanks," she mouthed.

He nodded back, giving her a wave. "Good luck."

"Thanks!"

And with that, he turned and headed back to his office. Briefcase slung off his shoulder. Starbucks cup in his hand. Dressed to the nines.

She let out a deep breath and turned toward the school doors. Ready to face her new school. Her new reality. Her new_ life._

And her first day.

* * *

**I wanted to at least get this chapter up, because I had it mostly written already and I know people want to learn more about the characters right away when the story is new.**

**It won't always be this timely, but I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Again, you will continue to learn about them with each new chapter, and there will be a little more from Fitz's point of view, too.**

**Read on.**

**~T**


	3. Smiley

Olivia watched Fitz roll down his window as they pulled up to Starbucks on this fine Friday morning.

She _really_ didn't want him to buy her yet another coffee because it made her feel bad when he did. She'd tried and tried so far this first week and he wouldn't take her money. He made it seem like it literally made no difference at all whether he bought one coffee or two. And she knew that probably was the case. But she still felt bad.

So she tried a different tactic today.

"Alright, what are you feeling today?" he asked, looking over at her.

"You know, I think I'm good today, actually. I really don't need anything," she replied.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Absolutely you do."

"No, I really don't, I promise," she laughed.

"Are you sick?" he asked her, which only made her crack up more.

"No, I feel great!" she giggled. "I just don't need coffee today."

The employee asked him what he wanted and he immediately turned to the screen.

"Yeah, hi. Can I do a venti iced latte and a venti hot latte?" he asked.

Her eyes widened and she did the biggest facepalm she could do. _This man!_

"Okay thanks," he said casually, pulling forward.

"You did not," she said, shaking her head at him.

"I did not," he agreed, even shaking his head no.

She was laughing, and just completely in disbelief that he'd just done that. "Fitz, you're killin' me here."

"I'm sorry. I bet the coffee will help with that," he assured her.

She was laughing, shaking her head at him.

"Thank you. I truly didn't need a venti latte, but thank you so much," she said.

"It's Friday. Fridays are always venti days."

"Oh, they are?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Good to know," she laughed.

And after they _got_ their coffees, she asked a very important question.

"Now, will you please let me buy coffees next week?"

"Maybe," he shrugged.

"It just makes me feel bad."

"Olivia."

"Yes."

"It's coffee."

"I know. But coffee adds up! We do this every day, I just feel awful that I'm not paying for it," she said.

"It's really not a big deal, Olivia. I promise you."

She sighed, sipping on her venti latte, and looking over at him.

"And how is it?" he asked.

"Fantastic," she nodded.

He smiled, like he wanted to tell her he told her so, but he would never.

She smiled to herself, looking down at her lap.

This week had been one of the best weeks of her life. She was doing so well in school already. She felt like she fit in great, and had already met a couple of new friends. One, in particular, Huck, who she really clicked with.

She felt like all her teachers liked her a lot already, too.

And she'd been having a great time with the Grant family. To start this semester, she hadn't been fully sure if she was going to like living with a host family. And it only took her a couple days to know she'd done the right thing.

They were kind to her, and she liked all of them in their own way. Fitz and Mellie were...a bit dysfunctional. But that wasn't her concern. And none of that really affected her. All she knew was they treated her well, and their daughter loved and looked up to her already. And Karen always made Olivia smile. On top of all of that, she got constant snuggles from a cute little beagle named Hank all the time. A huge plus.

She texted her mom almost every day, and had called her a few times, too. She was curious, wanting to make sure Olivia was doing well on the East coast. But she still let her have her independence too, not wanting to go _full_ "mom" on her.

It had really been a great week. And now it was Friday, the end of her first week of school in New York City.

She'd already grown to love her commutes with Fitz. They talked more and more each day, and he appeared to be more comfortable with her already.

There was still a ton she didn't know about him, and a ton he didn't know about her.

Some things had come up naturally in conversation throughout the week, but there were some things she wanted to know. She knew she was probably just going to have to ask him, considering he wasn't exactly the most extroverted.

So as she sipped her coffee, feeling happy, she decided there was no better time than the present, and she knew exactly what she was going to ask him first, if he let her.

"Hey Fitz," she said, looking over at him.

"Yeah," he answered.

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"What do you do at J.P. Morgan?" she asked.

He looked back at her briefly.

"I'm the Vice President of Operational Risk."

Her eyes widened. "Oh, wow."

"Why were you curious?" he asked.

"Well...I've been wanting to know why you looked this nice every day. You're in a full suit all the time, sometimes even...a three-piece—" she realized she was beginning to ramble about his clothing, so she stopped herself.

"Anyway, I knew you were important, I just wanted to know what you did to _be_ important," she finished.

Her heart warmed when she saw his reaction to what she'd said. The pink was flushing his cheeks and he was avoiding her eyes.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"Your...thoughts, I guess. You are very kind."

She smiled. "You're welcome. And...thank you," she laughed. "So...what does being the Vice President of Operational Risk at J.P. Morgan entail?"

He turned to look at her with a slight smirk. "So many questions this morning."

Now _she_ began to blush. Not just because she was embarrassed that she'd probably been being too curious so early in the morning, but because the smirk made her skin tingle.

"Oh—I'm sorry. I just thought...we spend a good portion of every day together, so...we could get to know each other better."

"I was just teasing you," he replied with a laugh.

_Oh, thank goodness._

"So," he began. "Every company has potential risks, and every company needs to know how to prepare and manage those risks. Especially a company as big as JPM. And...I'm in charge of the framework that identifies, monitors, and ultimately governs those risks. Not only for the micro-business but the macro business. Meaning...all of the components of this business. The company, the market, the customers, everything. Strategizing, analyzing, predicting. That's a really broad description. I do...a lot of things, but...that's the overall idea."

She raised her eyebrows at all of that. Damn.

"You really _do_ sound like an important man," she said.

The blushing returned, but he didn't say anything.

"Nothing to say to that?" she laughed.

He just shrugged. "I try to be."

She nodded. She liked the modesty. "So did you...work your way up to where you are now at J.P. Morgan or have you worked elsewhere?" she asked.

"I've been at JPM for my whole career, yes. I was hired as an investment banking analyst there right out of college," he nodded. "But...investment banking is not a long term career. It's...it's painful. But it's a good stepping stone to a lot of potential opportunities. Starting in IB is very beneficial, and fortunately, I've been able to build from there."

"Wow. You certainly proved yourself quickly then," she said. About eight years at the company and he was a big boss man now? Impressive.

"I think so, yeah," he nodded.

"Cool. Well, thanks for telling me a little more about it, Fitz. You're very impressive to me."

"Thank you," he smiled. "You're very impressive to me, too."

"Thanks," she blushed shyly. She wasn't sure how she could be impressive to someone as successful as he was, already proving himself in the big corporate world. But she didn't think he was the type to give a false compliment, and she certainly wasn't going to _complain_ about receiving it.

He peered over at her again. "Is that...all you got for me?"

She looked back at him, and her lips began to tug upward in a smile. Now that he had given her permission, she went with the next question she had on her mind.

"Where did you go to college?" she asked, turning toward him fully. As fully as she could in a car.

"Columbia," he answered.

Her eyes widened. "Wow. That's amazing."

"Oh, good," he chuckled. "I worried you'd hold it against me, it being rivals with NYU and everything."

"No way," she shook her head. "Columbia is..._very_ respectable."

"As is NYU," he nodded.

She nodded in agreement. Yeah, that was her dream school alright.

He looked over at her again, as if to say "what else?"

So, although she was hesitant, she got a little bit more personal.

"So, Rye is amazing. But have you ever lived in the city aside from college?"

He nodded. "Mellie and I lived there when we were younger, after college. When we got pregnant we knew we wanted to get out of the city at some point. We didn't want to raise Karen in the city her whole childhood. Not that the city is bad, I absolutely _love_ the city, and I'd really like to move back someday. But Mellie and I both grew up in suburban areas, too. So...I think, we just knew what we knew, and...we thought it was best. We made a plan and a place like Rye was part of that plan. So when she was offered a position at the hospital here, we made the move. It's been a really fantastic place for Karen to grow up."

Olivia nodded. Seemed fair enough, and he had a point about Rye. It was a great, family-friendly town.

"Well, I think you have the best of both worlds. You get to experience the city every day, and work there. But you also get the quiet of your suburban neighborhood, too. And...all the perks of Rye. It really is a gorgeous town."

"It is," he agreed.

After his brief mention of it, she wanted to clarify.

"So where are you from?"

"Here. New York," he answered.

"Where? Would I know it?" she asked.

He scratched his head and then adjusted his hand on the steering wheel.

"Um...yeah, I...I think so," he said, almost shyly. Like he was hesitant to say.

"Okay. Hit me," she said.

"Um...Westhampton Beach."

Now her eyes _really_ widened. "As in...The Hamptons?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"Oh my," she said. "So...where is that in The Hamptons?"

"It's a village in Southampton. My mother still lives there," he replied.

She decided not to ask about his father, afraid that that was _way_ too personal.

"That's amazing!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Yes. It's very beautiful there. I always love going home," he nodded.

"I bet. Wow," she replied.

"Anything else you'd like to know?" he asked with a smile.

_Yeah. She was dying to know this one_.

"How did you meet Mellie?"

"Uh...in college. We lived in the same dorm our freshman year."

"Aww," Olivia noted. "I didn't know she went to Columbia too, that's cool."

He laughed. "Yeah."

"So...how long have you been married?"

"Nine years."

"Wow," she noted. "That's amazing that you've been married nine years already. You're so...young."

_Should she have said that? Probably not_.

"Yeah...we had Karen very young, and got married very young."

She already knew how young, she'd done the math. But she wanted to confirm, so she hesitantly asked.

"And...how old were you?"

"We had Karen at 20, and then...got married at 21."

She'd already kind of suspected this before, but now she thought it was more likely. She had wondered if getting pregnant wasn't exactly...their _plan_. And then when it happened, they did what a lot of couples thought they needed to do. Get married.

She, of course, would _never_ say that to him. But based on what she'd seen between the two, their marriage didn't exactly seem to be...fantastic. It just felt dull. It wasn't her place to judge, she knew that. But she still noticed what she noticed.

Maybe their relationship never _was_ fantastic. But before they knew it, they were pregnant, and felt like there was only one option.

_She should probably stop internally profiling the man's relationship with his wife and respond to him._

"You don't look 30, you know."

He chuckled. "Well, thank you."

"Of course...anything else you'd like to add this morning?" she asked. "This has been an extremely informational car ride."

"Hmm," he thought. _"Anything?"_

"Absolutely anything," she nodded.

"Okay. Um...I really love football."

That was the most _typical_ guy shit she'd ever heard, and yet she was still intrigued.

"Oh yeah? So what New York sports teams do you cheer for, and how on _earth_ do you decide?"

He laughed. "That's a fair question. Sometimes it's based on location. Or what teams your family cheers for. Or honestly...just whatever teams you want. I cheer for the Giants, Yankees, Knicks, and Rangers, which I think is a pretty normal group. Usually, you cheer for that group, or you cheer for the Jets, Mets, Nets, and Islanders. But...it's not set in stone. I've heard many combinations."

"Okay, thanks. That was very valuable info, actually, I always wondered that. Now that I live here, I suppose I should actually choose. I'll choose your side."

"Cool. Great to have you," he chuckled.

"Mhm. So...did you play football?" she asked.

"Yeah. Through high school. I wasn't super great. But I loved it, and I love to watch."

"What position did you play?"

"Quarterback."

"For real?" she asked.

"Mhm," he nodded.

"And...were you the starting quarterback?"

"Yes."

She shot him a look. "So let me get this straight. You weren't very good, yet you were the starting quarterback."

He shrugged. "I was just average, trust me. I was...better at school."

"I see. So what was your favorite subject?"

"Math."

"Oh, nice. So given that and your job, I'm going to guess you majored in...finance?" she guessed.

"Double-majored in finance and accounting, yeah," he said.

_"__Wow_. But...you loved English, too, right?" she asked, smiling at him.

"I did," he nodded back with a smile. "I've always loved to read. My mom...she used to get so mad at me because I'd stay up _way_ past my bedtime to read as a kid. She'd keep coming in to make sure I was sleeping. Sometimes I'd hear her and then fake that I was asleep, and just go back to reading when she closed the door. I always got busted though. The dark circles under my eyes were...a bit telling."

She was laughing now. Because _wow_, she could relate to that.

"We sound like we were very similar children. Well...I suppose I _still_ do that, actually," she laughed. "If you ever notice dark circles...you'll know why."

He smiled. "I like that. I think more people should be that way."

She smiled back. "Me too. Okay, so...what's your favorite book then?"

He winced at her. "I can't pick. I can _never_ pick. You?"

"Me neither," she laughed. "No matter how hard I try, I can't. There are just too many geniuses out there and too many good pieces of work. There's no way people can pick a favorite, I don't understand."

"Yeah. There's too many. I'm pretty confident I've read over 400 books in my life, so I don't know how I could possibly choose one a favorite."

"Four-hundred?! That's impressive, you definitely have me beat. And how many have you _not_ finished?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Absolutely none. I finish every one."

"No way."

"Way," he nodded.

"Even if you realize you don't like it much while you're reading it?" she asked.

"Even then," he nodded. "My mother always told me it's important to finish every book you start. Because...when you stop short of something, you could miss something incredible."

She looked up at him admirably.

"Well, that is going to stick with me forever. Thank you...Fitz's mom."

He chuckled. "Are you...thinking of all the books you want to finish now?"

"Yes! Gosh, there are so many. 'Jane Eyre' is one I've always wanted to finish but something always seems to come up. Either my workload at school picks up or I start something new and push it to the back burner. Always something. But I do like that one."

"You _have_ to finish that one. It's_ 'Jane Eyre'," _he said, like she was crazy.

"I know, I know. I'm so awful, it's a classic. But there are others I want to start, too! That's my problem, I get so intrigued by all these different books and authors. I've really been wanting to read 'The Alchemist.' And 'The Other Boleyn Girl.' And 'The Kite Runner.' And 'Reached'—"

He was chuckling now.

"What?!" she laughed.

"I see why there are books you've never finished."

"Yes. See. It's a real problem," she admitted.

"No. It isn't. But even if it were, it's a good problem to have. Nothing wrong with that. I have a couple of those, I believe. You can borrow anything of mine."

She looked at him like a kid in a candy store. "Really?"

"Of course," he nodded. "Some may be in my office library, some may be somewhere at home. I have so many, I lose track of where I put them all," he admitted with a laugh. "I'll remember those titles and find them for you. But...I'm only gonna give them to you one at a time."

Now she was laughing _and_ blushing. She loved this.

"You know, that is a _great_ idea. Thank you!" she giggled.

"Of course. But...on one condition."

"Okay. And what might that be?"

"You, um...you have to promise me that at some point...you'll finish 'Jane Eyre', too."

"Oh, I can definitely promise that."

"Okay. Good," he nodded.

She smiled, looking ahead and enjoying the first comfortable silence since they'd gotten in the car. The conversation had _really_ begun to flow easier now. It made her happy.

And just as she was trying to think of another question to ask him to keep the conversation going, he brought something up himself.

"Oh, um...this is my favorite band. Or, one of my favorite bands. I have a few favorite artists."

She looked at the screen as he turned up the song, which read "Daughtry." She'd heard of the band, and remembered reading about the lead singer Chris Daughtry online somewhere. But otherwise, wasn't familiar with their music.

"Oh yeah? So...what genre is it?"

"I think it falls under a few different categories. Alternative rock, I think, describes them best."

"Nice," she smiled. "He does have a very nice voice."

"Yeah."

Although, the song was pretty close to over. And the next song that came on, she actually knew the artist.

"Best I Ever Had," by Gavin DeGraw.

"Oh! I know Gavin DeGraw. He has a nice voice, too," she noted.

"Yeah," he agreed.

"Is he also one of your favorites?"

"Yes. He has a lot of great ones, this one included."

The sound of Fitz's music had started to make her smile every time she got in the car. It was always the same kind of vibe, and her brain was now starting to associate it with him, and their drives every day.

"So, alright. You can't pick a favorite book, but I now know you're favorite music genre. So what about...TV shows? Can you pick a fav—".

"'Game of Thrones.'"

Her eyes widened. "Well you wasted no time with that one!"

"Nope. It's...the best show ever made."

"The best show ever made?" she challenged.

"Yes. Absolutely. There is no question."

"I'm questioning," she said, giving him a smile.

"Have you never seen it before?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I think I am one of, like, ten people in the world who has not seen a _single_ episode."

He clutched his chest, which made her laugh.

"You need to see it."

"I don't have HBO, though," she said sadly.

"We have HBO. Or...I should say _I_ have HBO, because I don't think Mellie has used it once in her life. She thinks 'Game of Thrones' is vulgar."

"Well, is it vulgar?" she asked. She was pretty sure she already knew it was.

And he wasted no time in confirming.

"Well, yes."

"But...still good, obviously?" she laughed.

"Yes. I've actually been thinking of starting it over recently. I'd like to watch it from the beginning again. Maybe, um...maybe you'd want to watch it with me."

She smiled. "Seriously?"

"Um...yeah. But I mean, it's really...it's really not for the faint of heart. So if you can't stand gory things...then you shouldn't watch it. It will most definitely give you nightmares."

"No, that doesn't bother me much. You know one thing that bothers me, though...snakes. Any snakes in 'Game of Thrones'?"

"Not that I can remember," he chuckled. "Mostly, it's just...blood and war and...well. And just...you'll have to see."

"And...sex. Am I right?" she asked him.

This man's cheeks went red as all hell.

"Uh...yes. Yeah. A lot of sex," he replied. "Really, just...a ridiculous amount of sex."

They were both laughing pretty hard now, and probably both a little embarrassed.

"Okay. I'm ready to see if it really is the _greatest show ever made._ We should do it, I'm down."

"Okay," he chuckled. "It's a deal."

"What else you got for me?" she asked.

"I'm...I'm trying to think. I'm boring."

"You're not boring, Fitz," she said with a laugh. "I've learned lots of fun, not boring things already."

"Umm...okay. My...favorite movie is 'Glory'."

She gasped. "With Denzel Washington?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Great movie."

"Agreed," she nodded.

"My favorite holiday is Thanksgiving."

"Oh, good choice. Lots of great food," she replied.

"Yes. Lots of great food. My _mom's_ food. And football."

"Oh—and pumpkin pie," she added.

"Pumpkin pie," he nodded in agreement. "Overall, a great holiday. I probably need to work out an extra two hours to make up for it. But it's always worth it," he chuckled.

"Oh yeah—do you stick pretty regularly to a routine?" she asked. "I've heard you work out in the mornings this past week."

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. I've really tried to be as quiet as possible," he said.

"Oh, no, it's okay! You're very quiet, I'm just a light sleeper. I only hear you open and shut the basement and gym door. I never hear anything beyond that."

He nodded, seeming slightly relieved. "Yeah, I take weekends off. But...every morning before work I'm down there for at least an hour."

"So what time do you wake up?" she asked.

"Five."

"Oh...yikes," she said, shaking her head. "I really would like to get into the habit of working out too, now that I'm not playing sports anymore."

"Well, please feel free to use the gym whenever you want. We've got a lot of equipment in there."

"Thank you! I might start doing it later in the day, or at night. Then I won't interfere with your routine in the morning."

He shrugged. "You don't...you don't have to worry about that. I wouldn't mind."

She looked over at him. "You wouldn't?"

"No," he shook his head. "You, um…or...nevermind."

"No, what?" she asked.

He seemed hesitant, but he said it anyway.

"I was just going to say...you don't have to worry so much about bothering me or interfering with anything. I've noticed you assume that you are. And I promise you aren't."

She nodded. "I just—I know_ your_ lifestyle, especially, has changed because I'm here now, and I don't want to…overstay my welcome, so to speak."

"You could never."

"Thank you," she said, giving him a smile. "I've really enjoyed being here."

He peered over at her and smiled, before looking back at the road.

"I've enjoyed having you here," he said. "Or, we...have. All of...all of us," he added, clearing his throat.

She was smiling bigger now, as he pulled into the train station.

"Well, thanks for answering my questions," she said, as he shut off the car.

"Of course," he nodded. "So...I think it's only fair that...it's my turn now."

"Your turn to ask me questions?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Oh, absolutely, go ahead," she laughed. "I certainly bugged you enough. By all means, ask away."

He hesitated, and looked at her nervously.

"What?" she asked with a laugh.

"It's just...I think...I think it may be too personal."

Her eyes widened, and she got nervous. But she'd promised. "I asked you some personal questions too, it's okay."

He winced, and then sighed, giving her a nod.

"What's your favorite color?"

She shot him a look as if to say "seriously?" and then burst into laughter.

_Okay, now things were getting out of hand. He just made a joke._

He smiled, and started to laugh at the sight of her laughing.

"Are you for real?" she laughed.

"Yeah," he chuckled.

"Light blue."

"Very specific," he nodded.

"What's yours?" she asked.

"Um..well, it's my turn at the moment, so I don't believe I can answer," he said.

"What?!" she exclaimed. "Come onnnn."

_"__Royal_ blue," he whispered.

She was laughing again, and her laughing made him laugh.

And him laughing, made her cheeks flush. She could feel it.

She took the opportunity to admire his smile. A smile she'd seen so much more as she'd gotten to know him. A smile that he seemed pretty selective about who he gave a genuine one to.

"You may downplay it mister shy guy, but you're pretty smiley, you know."

Now _he_ was blushing, scratching his head. And the mention of him smiling only made him smile more.

And it was at that moment that she thought he was just absolutely _fucking_ adorable. Not that she hadn't necessarily thought it before. But she'd been trying not to admit to herself any of the things she wanted to admit deep down.

He was flat out sexy as hell, and she knew it.

Not just because he was toned and muscular, or because he wore full suits on the regular. Although, those things certainly did not hurt.

But his personality was just cute. Shy and quiet, yes. But also able to warm up to someone and come out of his shell—she was already proving that.

And that smile. Man, that smile.

It was always warm, and a little bit crooked.

And it was now making her heart beat faster than normal, no matter how hard she tried to tell herself it wasn't.

To tell herself that _he_ wasn't.

"We should uh...we should go. You know, our train."

"Oh, right yes," she nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt with a laugh. "Our train is kind of important."

"Just a little," he agreed, grabbing his coffee from the cup holder. "But...I'm not done asking questions, I don't think."

"Good. I've got a whole train ride to answer deep, personal questions like what's my favorite color," she nodded.

He chuckled lightly in response, and they made their way from the parking lot to go wait.

The entire train ride, unlike any of the prior ones, was spent entirely conversing with each other. Mostly about Olivia, but a few new things about Fitz, too, that hadn't been answered on the car ride there.

Her favorite things to eat, her favorite movie, her favorite show—she answered pretty much all of the basic questions.

She even told him about her best friend back home, Shawn, who was, to say the least, a character. And a little bit of a troublemaker. But she loved her dearly, and couldn't imagine life without her.

She then learned about his best friend, too, who was actually a woman. She was a tad surprised, but from what he disclosed about her, they'd been pretty close since college, and he was great friends with her husband, too. Abby and David. Good to know.

Overall, it was the best train ride they'd had yet, and probably the best commute in general.

She found that she was even a little bit sad, when they got to his building, where they stopped briefly outside.

"Alright. Just let me know when you get there, okay," he said, turning toward her.

"Yep, I will," she nodded.

Yesterday was the first day she'd walked to school herself, which, honestly wasn't that bad. He had an early meeting yesterday which prevented him from being able to walk her there, but he was insistent that she let him know she got there okay.

It was a big city and it was still her first week. And she found it nice that he cared like that. But she certainly didn't expect him to walk her to school every day, especially considering it was way out of the way for him.

"Will you be ready to go at 3:00 today or should I wait a bit?" she asked, referring to after school.

"I should be good, Fridays are usually quieter at the office. Plus, Mellie and I have that gala tonight, so...I'll need to get home early. I'll text you if something comes up, though."

"Okay, sounds good," she nodded, starting to back away. "Have a good day."

"Yeah, you too," he nodded, giving her a wave.

And off she went, on her brief walk to school.

She loved it. She absolutely loved it. The walk to school on the streets of New York City had also become a favorite of hers. It was pretty great.

When she got to school, she sent Fitz a quick text.

**Olivia: Made it here.**

He answered immediately.

**Fitz: Good. Text you later. **

**Olivia: Okay. See you later—smiley.**

Fitz found himself smiling at his phone at that text. He figured she'd probably like the fact that that nickname _made_ him smile. He'd certainly never been called anything of the sort before. His mom had always told him he had a very contagious smile, but that was about the extent of it.

He thought it was kind of cute, and decided to hopefully make her smile back.

**Fitz: :)**

He slipped his phone in his pocket contently now that she was there safe.

He couldn't believe how much different things had been this week. The fact that Olivia stayed in their home wasn't really what had changed a lot. They had another person eating dinner with them. They had one more person sleeping in the house. Those things weren't really much of an adjustment.

But what had changed a lot for him was his commute to and from work. And he already knew it had changed for the better. He enjoyed it.

Before, he would often go the first three to four hours of his day without talking to a single soul, aside from ordering his morning coffee. Sometimes if Mellie had a later shift at the hospital, she wouldn't even be awake when he was getting ready. And even when she was awake, they didn't talk much. If so, it was dull and brief.

He'd talk to his little girl if he could, but she was always sleeping when he left for work. He certainly didn't chat with anyone on the train. So sometimes he would barely utter a word until he got settled in at the office.

But now, he was starting to talk more in the mornings, because he was talking to Olivia. It was really nice.

The longer she was here, the more he realized he was happy that she was. And to think, he'd been annoyed at Mellie about this whole deal. Not because of Olivia, herself, but because Mellie just decided it was happening without so much as actually discussing it with him.

Already, after a week, he didn't want to go back to how it had been before, without Olivia. Even the thought of when she eventually left to go do the amazing things he knew she was going to do, made him a little sad.

He'd begun to notice that he would think about her after they parted ways. Whether it was parting ways before work, or before bed, or wherever it may be. Those times when they weren't together, his mind would wander to her.

How she was doing. If she was happy here. Hoping she didn't hate it, and didn't desperately want to return home. Although, he was pretty sure that was the exact opposite of how she felt. Not just because she'd told him she enjoyed being here. But because he could truly see it. Her eyes lit up every time they exited Grand Central and they started to walk the streets of New York City. Her eyes lit up whenever she was in the presence of Karen. And if he wasn't mistaken, when she was with him.

The only problem was, he knew his mind _shouldn't_ wander to her.

Because he didn't just think about how she was doing, or her being happy here—although those things _were_ at the forefront of his mind.

He also thought about other things. Other things he felt wrong about.

Like the fact that he thought she was pretty.

And that he really liked the sound of her laugh. Especially when it was a product of something he'd said.

Or that he loved the smell of her perfume, or lotion—whatever the hell she used that smelled so good, and surrounded him when she was in his presence.

All these thoughts made him feel uneasy, because he knew he should in _no way,_ be thinking about her like that.

There were so many ways in which it was wrong. So many he couldn't even count them all.

He wanted to hang out with her more often, but feared getting too close or making her uncomfortable.

His eyes wandered, but he panicked if he thought she had caught him looking.

He could feel himself becoming comfortable with her, yet she still made him feel more nervous and anxious and shy than he already was in general.

The entire situation was weird and complicated and confusing, and generally wasn't the best one to be in. And yet, here he was. Very much in it.

It was also a good source of distraction.

"Fitz..."

He instantly tuned back in at the sound of his name, hoping it had only been said once.

"Huh?" he asked, looking, looking up at his glass office door.

"You...alright?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, Ethan, I'm good. Uh...what's up?" Fitz asked.

"I just have the impact assessment you asked for yesterday," he said, coming in the office.

"Oh, right. Thanks," Fitz nodded, reaching for it.

"Of course. If you need anything else just let me know," Ethan said.

"Thanks, Ethan," Fitz nodded, taking a sip of his coffee and putting the papers down on his desk.

And as his eyes went from his office door, to his desk computer, he couldn't help but look over at his bookshelves and smile.

Before he dove into work for the day, he made a mental note to check his office for those books that Olivia wanted to read, just to see if he had any of them here.

The thought of knowing she'd be happy to read one of them made him smile.

* * *

Olivia's classes went by pretty quickly that day. Which, she was thankful for. She had a good week, but lots of homework to get started on over the weekend. And she was just happy to be going back to the house. _And_ getting to sleep in tomorrow.

After saying goodbye to Huck, she made her way over to J.P. Morgan, as Fitz has texted her that they could leave right when she got done.

And another conversation-filled train ride later, they were home for the weekend. She wished they could talk more once they got home, but from the time they got home, he didn't have much time to do anything else except go upstairs and start getting ready.

He and Mellie were going to some gala for his work, and they needed to leave around 5, so he didn't have that much time.

Olivia was going to stay with Karen that night, and she was looking forward to it. Karen was sweet and always fun to be around.

Fitz, on the other hand, was _not_ looking forward to his night. He desperately wished he could stay home. Make dinner. Relax. Have a drink. But instead, he had to rush to get ready so he could drive the two of them into the city, because god forbid Mellie ever took the train. And then talk to endless people for hours, and get home late. All after a long work week.

It wasn't ideal. But he didn't really have a choice, and he didn't have that many events and galas he needed to attend out of the year, so he figured he should just suck it up and deal with it.

As he was tying his bow tie, glancing over his appearance in the mirror, Mellie started their first conversation of the evening. Despite the fact that they'd been in the same room together for over half an hour.

"Did you leave Olivia and Karen some money for dinner?"

"Uh...no. Olivia told me she was going to make something for the two of them, herself."

"Oh, well isn't that sweet. So how has it been with Olivia? You haven't talked much about it. Not that I expected you to, I suppose, since talking isn't really your strong suit."

He glared at her in the mirror. "I don't know why you say things like that to me. It's been fine."

Hmm. That was kind of an understatement.

"That's it? It's been fine?" Mellie asked.

"Yes."

She sighed annoyedly at him, as she tried to clip her necklace. "Again, I don't know why I expected more than that."

"I really don't know what else you want me to say, Mell. It's been fine."

"Alright, Fitz," she sighed. "Are you almost ready?"

"Yes," he nodded, fixing a few flyaways hairs. "Are you?"

"Yes. Would you mind?" she asked, struggling with her necklace.

He walked over to her and clasped the necklace together as she held her hair up.

"Thanks. You're wearing the black Louboutins tonight, right?" she asked, heading to their closet.

"Yes."

She grabbed both of their shoes and handed him his. He went to go tie them without uttering another word to her, while she put hers on.

And when they headed downstairs, both of their demeanors shifted. From annoyed, to as happy as they could be. Doing what they always did.

Pretend.

Fitz reached the kitchen first, while Mellie grabbed the keys.

He saw the two of them at the table before they saw him. Olivia was next to Karen, explaining how to do something on Karen's homework, it looked like.

He smiled, watching their interaction.

"So...the answer would be...one-fourth," Karen said, looking up to Olivia for confirmation.

"Yes! Great job!" Olivia nodded.

"Awesome. Thank you, Liv," Karen said.

"You are very welcome. You're so smart," Olivia smiled.

He could see Karen looking as happy and proud as ever from where he was standing.

He started to head over there so he could say goodbye.

"There's my K," Fitz said, coming up behind her and kissing her cheek.

"Hi dad," Karen said. "Olivia's helping me with my math."

"I see that!" he nodded, looking up at Olivia. "Hey."

"Hey," she replied. "You look nice."

"Thanks," he said, smiling at her. Enjoying the smile he received back. He looked back at Karen. "Where's your pup?"

"He's taking a nap in the sunroom," Karen said contently. "I checked on him before."

"He's such a sleepy boy," Fitz chuckled. "I think we're gonna go, okay? We'll be back later. As soon as we can."

"Okay. Will I be sleeping?" Karen asked.

"Probably, honey," Fitz nodded. "But we'll see you in the morning okay? I'll make pancakes for breakfast."

Mellie gasped, entering the room with the loud clacking of her heels. "His pancakes are the best."

"They really are the best, Olivia! You _have_ to try them," Karen said.

"Oh, well I'm _so_ ready for the morning, then!" Olivia exclaimed, looking at Fitz.

He smiled at her.

"Alright. Have fun, you two," Fitz said.

"We'll have our phones if you need anything!" Mellie said, coming to kiss Karen's cheek.

"Sounds good!" Olivia nodded. "You both look wonderful!"

"Oh, you're too sweet!" Mellie smiled.

"Bye," Karen said, accepting a kiss from her mom.

"Bye, K. Remember to feed Hank."

"I will," Karen nodded.

"Have fun!" Olivia said.

"Oh, of course, of course," Mellie nodded happily.

And then they were out the door. Fitz in a tux and Mellie in a beautiful evening gown. And both with red-bottomed shoes.

Ha. Olivia was totally used to that...

But the image of Fitz in that tux did stay prominently in her mind, whether she wanted it to or not.

She helped Karen finish more of her math homework, and was already pretty impressed with her. It was Friday night, and here she was, at ten years old, wanting to do her homework.

But they did take a break for the night to have some dinner. Fitz had basically given her free reign over the entire kitchen, so she was faced with an overwhelmingly large number of options for dinner. She decided on making one of her favorite dishes from her mom's restaurant—a chicken Parmesan pasta. She paired it with some salad, and Karen loved it.

She considered that a win.

And while they were eating, they were chatting. And it got a little bit interesting.

"I wonder where the fancy dinner is at tonight," Karen said, chewing her pasta thoughtfully.

"I think your dad mentioned it being at The Plaza," Olivia said.

"Ohh," Karen nodded. "Yeah. I think they've been gone there before."

"I bet so. Do they go to these fancy work events a lot?" Olivia asked.

"Not that much," Karen replied. "Only...couple times. They're for my dad's work."

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "It seems pretty fun! They certainly get very dressed up."

"Yeah," Karen said uncertainly. "I don't...think they would have that much fun, though."

Olivia tilted her head. "How come?"

Karen seemed unsure of whether or not she should continue. Looking like she'd wished she hadn't said what she said.

"Well...it's just the two of them going together," Karen said.

"Yeah..." Olivia began. "Why wouldn't that be fun?"

"They don't...they don't have that much fun together, I don't think," Karen said.

_Woah._

Now Olivia was wondering where this conversation was going, and if she should try and _stop_ it from going. She was torn between being a person Karen could trust and talk to, and not wanting to be way too nosy, knowing things she shouldn't know.

But the look on Karen's face made her sad, and she couldn't help it.

"Oh, sweetheart, of course, they do. Why would you think they don't?" Olivia asked.

"I _know_ they don't," Karen said.

Olivia paused, putting her fork down. _Oh boy._

Karen looked up at Olivia, not sadly. More just matter-of-factly.

"They think I don't notice things because I'm little," Karen said.

Now it was way too late to turn back, and Karen clearly trusted Olivia enough to tell her these things, so she continued the conversation.

"Like what?" Olivia asked.

"Like...they only talk when we are all together. When they are alone, they don't talk. If they do, it's not happy talking," Karen said. "My room is by theirs. I hear it, but they think I don't."

"Have you ever...told them this?" Olivia asked.

"No. I don't...I don't want them to be mad at me," Karen said.

Olivia was starting to put everything together. The fake smiles. What she'd thought about them having Karen so young, and maybe feeling trapped. Now, their own daughter's thoughts on it, bless her heart. Way beyond her years and thinking about things no ten-year-old should ever have to think about.

It was all beginning to make sense.

"You will see it, too. You will see what I mean," Karen said.

Olivia put a hand on Karen's assuringly. She wasn't going to tell Karen she was wrong. She didn't think she had a right to do that, she knew them way better than Olivia did, they were _her_ parents. And honestly, Olivia was pretty sure that telling Karen she was wrong would be a lie. But she wasn't going to just downright say "hey, yep, your parents probably suck at being married. Sorry!"

So she settled on telling her what she knew was true, and would hopefully make her feel better.

"Well, you know what? They both love you _lots_, and just want to do what's best for you," Olivia said with a smile. "You are their number one concern, and I'm sure they just like to focus on _you."_

"Yeah," Karen nodded, looking down at her plate.

Olivia wanted so badly to make sure she had a good night. So she knew she needed to turn that frown upside down.

"And...I bet _we_ could have _tons_ of fun tonight. What do you say?" Olivia asked.

A smile began to form on Karen's face. "Okay. What will we do?"

"Oh, you'll see. But you gotta finish your dinner first, okay?"

"Mkay," Karen nodded, taking another bite of her pasta. "You cook like my dad."

Olivia couldn't help the big smile that crossed her face even if she tried. "I do?"

"Yeah," Karen nodded. "You both make good things."

"Thanks, honey," Olivia laughed. "I'm glad you like it. I'll remember that, and maybe I'll make it for you more often."

"Okay," Karen smiled. "You should make it for my dad. He would like it, I bet."

"Maybe I'll have to make it for all of you, then," Olivia said with a smile.

"Yeah," Karen nodded happily.

They finished their dinner, and Karen helped Olivia clean up the kitchen, which Olivia thought was very sweet. She was such a responsible child. Doing her homework on a Friday night, cleaning up the kitchen. Making sure Hank was fed.

Fitz and Mellie may fail at marriage but they sure as hell raised a sweet little girl.

After dinner, Olivia and Karen took Hank outside with them so he could run around while they went for an evening swim. It was still early September, and it had been a pretty hot, sunny week , so it was still perfect evening swim weather.

The backyard pool was beautiful, and very private. They didn't have neighbors in the back, and there was a fence anyway, so it felt very secluded.

Hank was very content to wander around in the grass or lay by the pool so he could see them in the water.

Olivia successfully made sure Karen had a great night. They played pool games of Karen's choice, as best they could with two people. Olivia watched her do all the tricks she could do off the diving board. And they swam for almost two hours, until Karen got pretty tired.

Olivia made sure she showered and brushed her teeth before she laid contently down in bed for the evening, Hank on her bedroom floor beside her. The sweet little beagle never failed to make Olivia smile.

Olivia sat on her bed, pulling the covers up over her. "Alright. I'll see you in the morning okay? Thanks for the fun night!"

"Yeah," Karen giggled. "See you in the morning. For pancakes."

"For pancakes," Olivia nodded. "Goodnight, K!"

"Wait—"

Olivia stopped, looking at her curiously. "What's up?"

"I just wondered..." Karen began. "I just wondered if maybe you sang."

"If I sang?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Karen nodded. "...Do you?"

"I do," Olivia nodded. "I was in choir for nine years back home."

Karen's eyes lit up. "Oh my goodness."

Olivia smiled. "Do you sing?"

"Sometimes," Karen nodded. "My mom and dad say my voice is pretty. But I'm too shy to sing to in front of more people."

"That's understandable," Olivia nodded. "It can be scary."

"Yeah," Karen agreed. "It's better if...if I sing with someone. I sing with my mom and dad sometimes. They are both really good."

"Are they?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Karen nodded. "My mom used to do solos in school a lot. She is really good. My dad is too. But...he only sings in front of me. Before bed. He's like me. He...he is shy."

Olivia smiled sweetly at Karen.

"He is a little shy," she agreed with a laugh. "Well, that is amazing, I didn't know that about you, or them. That is so cool that you all can sing!"

"Yeah," Karen nodded. "Maybe...you could sing? Only if you want."

"Sure I can," Olivia nodded, adjusting her covers. "There's a song my mom used to sing to me a lot when I was little before bed. She's a great singer, too."

Karen's eyes lit up. "Oh! What song?"

"I'll sing it, and see if you know it," Olivia said.

"Okay," she nodded, looking up at her happily.

And so Olivia began to sing "Hallelujah" for her.

She could tell Karen knew it, because she flashed her an adorable crooked smile after the first verse.

Olivia felt herself smiling as she sang the song softly, seeing Fitz's little mini-me looking up at her. A literal _smiley jr._

Karen was a big fan of the song, and Olivia knew she was going to have to sing it for her more often. But for tonight, she was pretty tired, so she let her sleep.

She went downstairs and rinsed off in the shower, herself, got ready for bed, and then crawled into bed fairly early, at least for a Friday evening.

She read "A Raisin in the Sun" for a while, taking notes as she read because it was for school. But she eventually fell asleep, not waking until she heard the basement door open.

She immediately could tell whoever it was, was trying to be so quiet, opening it slowly. But she was a light sleeper, and she still heard it.

She raised her eyebrows, wondering what the hell Fitz or Mellie was doing down here at this time of night. But then decided she probably didn't have the right to even wonder, considering it _was_ their house, and their basement.

And then she heard something by her door. She sat up, looking down at her door, where she was pretty sure she saw something slide slowly underneath. It was pitch black in her room, but her eyes were slowly adjusting, and she was pretty sure about it.

And then she heard the basement door slowly close again.

Confused, she pulled back the covers and went to the door, kneeling down and seeing that she had been right.

Because there on the floor, was a book, that had been slid underneath the opening of the door.

"The Alchemist."

A smile instantly crossed her tired face, and she picked it up. There were two post-it notes stuck to the front of the book, with sloppy handwriting on them.

It read;

**Hey, I really hope this doesn't wake you up. I just thought it would make you happy, so I knew I had to get it to you asap. I didn't find any of the books you mentioned in my office, and didn't have time to look around the house before the gala. So I made sure to look as soon as I got home because I know how seriously you take your reading. As promised, here's one of them that you've been dying to read. But just ****one.**

**Don't stay up too late reading. Or do—I won't tell.**

**Enjoy, it's a good one.**

**-"Smiley"**

She was laughing at his emphasis on the fact he would only give her _one_ at a time. Smart man.

And she smiled at how he'd signed it.

She was beginning to realize, the longer she stayed here, that not only did she really love school, the location, and _all_ the people she'd met so far.

But she was also realizing that the best parts of her days, usually involved him.

* * *

**And there's your chapter 3!**

**What did you think?**

**Of course, you'll only continue to learn more about them.**

**Hope you enjoyed!**

**Read on!**

**~T**


	4. Personal

Olivia dragged herself out of bed at an early hour of the morning. It had been three weeks of school, and she'd finally decided late last night that she needed to get her ass in that home gym.

She was still very fit; she was blessed with a naturally quick metabolism and her mom's athletic body. But she knew if she were to go for a run on the treadmill right now, it'd be painful. But that's exactly what she was planning for. She wanted to get back to the shape she was in before, and that required her to put some work in again.

And so, here she was, at just past five in the morning, struggling to get up.

She had other options. She could work out at night. She could work out after school. But of course, her _dumb_ _ass_ chose to wake up at five in the morning to do it.

But not because she thoroughly enjoyed waking up that early.

It was because that was when Fitz worked out.

There were multiple reasons she wanted to work out with him. First, he'd assured her a couple weeks ago that she wouldn't interfere with his workout, so she felt like it was okay. Second, she liked working out with someone—not alone.

And third, not only had he become a really great friend to her, she had developed the most major of crushes on him, and _crumbled _when faced with the chance to spend more time with him. She hated herself for it, because she knew it was wrong. She lived in his house with his wife and daughter, both of whom she liked a lot, and both who seemed to like _her_ a lot.

And here she was in their home, thinking and feeling these things she was. She knew she couldn't help it. That wasn't how feelings worked.

But she also knew she could try to put up a better front with him. She didn't have to talk to him as much as she did. She didn't have to spend extra time with him. She didn't have to smile at him the way she knew she did, or call him a nickname that only she called him. Even though, smiling at him and calling him her own nickname weren't even things that she actively tried to do anymore—they just slipped out, like a terrible, _terrible_ habit.

And all of that flew _right_ out of her head whenever she thought about him, or was with him. This wasn't something she was used to. It wasn't something she could sit down and think through and make an educated guess about, or figure out her best plan for, like she did with everything else. This was something different, that she didn't understand how to combat and work through.

This didn't feel logical, and that was annoying as hell._ None_ of this was logical. None of it made sense in her head. It just happened, and she was left trying to figure out how to deal with it.

She hadn't talked to anyone about it, not even Shawn. Although, she_ was_ considering telling her. She'd literally been holding everything inside for almost the entire time she'd been here, and Shawn was the only person she knew she could trust with it.

She had developed a pretty good friendship with Huck at school, who was hilarious and very kind to her. But she certainly didn't trust him with something like this because she didn't know him like that.

It all left her feeling wrong and dumb, knowing it could _never _go anywhere even if for some stupid_,_ _crazy_ reason he was interested too.

It was something she'd gone back and forth on in her head. Sometimes she really thought she felt something there that he was feeling too. Despite the fact that he was _so, so_ unavailable. He was kind of a hard person to read. But she knew he liked her company, for sure. There was a reason he was "smiley" and it was because when they were together, he smiled. _She_ made him smile.

And for a more introverted guy who didn't show much, that was saying something.

He started conversations with her all the time now, which hadn't always been the case. Wanting to get to know her better, it seemed. He genuinely appeared to care about her, and wanted to know how everything was going for her. And he, too, seemed to want to spend more time with her.

They now watched "Game of Thrones" together as often as both of their schedules allowed. And a lot of times, they went to go pick up Karen together from whatever she had going on after school that day, even though he technically would have time to drop her off at home before they went from the train station to her school. It would be kind of pointless and out of the way, but it would still be possible. They just spent a lot of time together, and it was something the two of them very clearly _chose_ to do.

It was confusing. And weird. And she didn't know what to do about any of it.

And here she was, going to spend more time with him that she probably _shouldn't_ be. She crumbled.

She got ready, going upstairs to grab a banana and fill up her water bottle first. Then brushed her teeth, and went to put on a pair of leggings and a tank top, and redid the braids she'd worn to bed under her headwrap the night before.

While she was changing, she heard Fitz enter the basement, and then the gym, and she smiled to herself. She'd shut her door to change, so unless he'd heard her briefly in the kitchen, he probably didn't have a single clue she was already up.

After putting on deodorant and tying her shoes, she felt good to go.

She grabbed her water bottle and made her way down the short hallway to the end, where the home gym was. She knocked quickly before opening the door.

"Morning, smiley."

"Oh—hey, morning," Fitz stumbled, fiddling with his shirt.

She could see that she'd just walked in on him taking it off after his warm-up, it appeared.

"Sorry—sorry," he said, pulling it back over his head.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have...sorry. I just thought I'd join you this morning, if that was okay."

"Oh, yeah, yeah, of course," he nodded, waving her in.

"You can...take that off again, if you were hot or something. I didn't mean to ruin your vibe. Sorry. I…sorry," she laughed. She'd barely seen a thing before he'd instinctively put it back on, as if she hadn't already been in his shirtless presence before.

The beach the first weekend she was here—what a nice experience.

He shrugged and gestured that it was fine. "I'm glad you wanted to join me. You're brave for waking up so early."

"Yeah, tell me about it," she laughed. "This is...this is early, Fitz."

"It is," he agreed. "If you stick with it, though, you'll get used to it."

"I'm going to stick with it," she nodded. "I want to. I just have to figure out what routine I want to start with. I figured I'd just see what you did and...go from there, so I can stay out of your way."

"Well, I do something different every day," he said. "Today I'm going to do a short HIIT workout, and then focus on arms."

"Oh, gotcha," she nodded. "I'll probably just run on the treadmill."

"Okay," he replied. "You're not in my way, though. You can do whatever you want to do. You can...you can do what I'm doing, too, if you feel like you want some guidance."

"We'll see how long I can run for before I get tired," she laughed. "I may join you yet."

"Okay," he chuckled.

She went to stretch, and he went over to where he had a mat rolled down on the floor.

She watched him while she ran. She'd done many HIIT workouts in her day, and knew of their effectiveness. But man, he made everything he did look so easy. And he made it look good.

HIIT, or high-intensity interval training workouts, weren't just a typical guy workout, involving a lot of heavy machines and lifting weights for an hour. They required stamina. Balance. Physical and mental strength. And consistency. Clearly, it was an effective part of his overall workout routine.

His was shorter, about half an hour. And he had it all memorized, clearly, because he didn't look at any workout video. All he used was his phone as a timer.

He faced her throughout the entire thing, so was sure he'd caught her looking every single time. Which, wasn't that hard, because she practically watched him the entire time she was running. It kept her mind off of how tough it started to get. A win-win in her mind.

By the end of his HIIT workout, she was ready to be done running, too. She was drenched in sweat, and he was pretty sweaty as well. She slowed down and got off the treadmill, bending down and putting her hands on her knees. She was panting heavily, wiping the sweat from her forehead.

"Holy shit," she breathed.

"Yeah," he nodded, looking at her from his mat on the floor. He was laying on his back, arms bent above his head and legs flat, taking a rest after his intense workout.

"Whew, that felt good and so awful at the same time," she said, coming over to where he was and collapsing on the floor next to him. There was another mat beside him, so thankfully, it was decently comfortable.

He looked over at her panting, and smiled. "Well, what did you run? About three miles?"

"Yeah. A little over three."

"That's pretty good, Liv," he said, getting up slowly. "Especially if you're as rusty as you were making yourself out to be."

Her heart leaped at "Liv." The nickname that he'd recently begun to realize she went by, and liked.

"I'm _rusty," _she nodded, trying to slow her breathing. "I used to run a seven-minute mile."

"Impressive," he smiled, looking down at her.

She smiled back at him, letting out a deep breath.

"Come on," he said, reaching his hand down. "You can do arms with me."

"Oh god," she laughed. "Okay."

"You can spot me first," he said, wiping his face with his shoulder.

She nodded and reached up, grabbing ahold of his hand. Both of their hands were extremely sweaty, but he had a strong grip, and pulled her up with ease.

"Alright," she breathed, looking at the bench. "So you're gonna bench?"

"Yeah," he nodded, heading over there and sitting back.

"Do you normally do this without a spotter?!" she asked.

"Yes..." he replied, seeing her scolding look. "I don't have a workout partner. You're...you've been my only one."

She could feel her cheeks start to get warm. _Goddamn, _that was annoying.

"That scares me!" she said. "Should you do this without a spotter?"

"No," he answered honestly. "But I do a very lightweight bench press solely because I don't have a spotter. That way I don't have to worry about it because it's light for me. I just do more reps."

"Hmm. Okay," she nodded, seeming satisfied enough. "Can you do that same lightweight then? Because...I can tell you with the utmost confidence that you are way stronger than I am and I don't want to let you down as your spotter."

"You won't," he assured her with a laugh, laying back on the bench. "See, just 175. That's very light for my bodyweight."

"Okay," she nodded, going to stand behind him.

She put her hands underneath the bar, following it closely as he lifted it up, and then down. His biceps in action made her heart pick up its pace.

When he was done, he let out a deep sigh, letting his arms hang down for a second to rest.

"Nice job!" she said, stepping out from behind the bench.

"Thanks," he panted, still laying there.

And as he laid there, something caught her eye. His shirt was pulled up a little bit from the top of his shorts, so she was able to see his skin. And on the lower right side of his abdomen, she noticed a scar.

It was diagonal, and a pretty good size. She just saw part of it, because from what it looked like, it disappeared under the waistband of his shorts as well.

She realized she was only seeing it now because she was standing so close to him and looking right at it.

She'd seen him shirtless before, but only in a picture much further away than where she was standing now. And aside from that, she'd been sitting on his left side the entire time at the beach.

"Oh, Fitz," she noted, before she could stop herself.

"Huh?" he asked, meeting her eyes. He followed her gaze and realized what she was looking at. "Oh."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to look. I just..." she stumbled.

"No, it's...it's fine. It's not a big deal, or anything. It's um...I just had appendicitis as a kid," he replied, sitting, and then standing next to her.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't know that," she said apologetically. "I didn't mean to be weird about it, I just hadn't seen it before."

"No worries, you weren't. It looks way worse than it is," he replied. "It's just...well...here."

He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and lifted, pulling it over his head.

From that moment, she slowly eyed his torso, from top to bottom. She didn't even do it intentionally. It just happened. But she tried to focus on his scar, because that was what this was about.

_Focus, dumbass._

It wasn't that much darker than his skin, so she knew why she hadn't seen it in the picture.

It was raised, though, and she knew it was longer than what she could currently see. And as if he read her mind, he pulled back his shorts, and compressions, to reveal the entire diagonal marking.

She wasn't sure what on earth possessed her to do it. But before she could even process that she was, she slowly reached out and ran her finger over it gently.

He let out a sudden, quiet breath at her touch, but she didn't even notice.

Fitz's heart went into overdrive, watching her.

His cheeks started to feel hot, because he could see his chest rising and falling faster than it should be. He hoped if she noticed, she'd think he was still just catching his breath from his workout. But her fingers that were touching him very low on his abdomen, were what was _really_ causing it.

He was much taller than her, so he could see the entirety of her body easily as he stood next to her, looking down.

Her hair was in the same braids that he'd noticed was how she also usually wore it on the weekend mornings.

Her arms were defined, and so were her legs, he'd already been able to see that before. It was clear she had been an athlete, no matter how rusty she claimed she was.

She was sweaty, and not wearing any of the makeup that she normally wore. And he thought she looked even prettier that way.

It was just her natural appearance, right there for him to see. And he knew he shouldn't notice her that way. But he did.

Olivia's eyes wandered slowly up his body again, still touching him, and their eyes finally locked. He lightly tossed his shirt on the floor, studying her big, brown eyes.

And then she snapped out of it, realizing she was still touching this poor man.

"Oh...god, I'm so sorry. Sorry. I should not have done that," she said, pulling her hand away.

"Oh—no, no—it's fine, it's okay," he replied, shaking his head. He searched for anything, _anything_ at all to say to divert their attention from whatever the hell had just happened.

She was embarrassed because she'd just touched him without_ any_ sort of permission and without _any_ sort of warning. And he was trying to calm his heart rate down in hopes that she didn't realize his body was reacting to her.

An entire mess.

"I'm just happy you don't...you don't seem to be...grossed out by it, or anything," he said.

"Oh, no," she shook her head. "Not at all. It's just a scar, we all have them."

_Yeah, so probably don't go touching anyone else's scar, okay? One is enough for the day._

"I know, it's just kind of ugly," he shrugged, fixing his shorts.

"No it isn't. You know what I was thinking?" she asked.

"Hm?"

"It looks...fucking badass," she said. She watched him smile, knowing that he was remembering a few weeks ago, when he'd said that very thing about his burned, bandaged hand to catch her off guard.

Now she'd done the same to him, and he was chuckling. But he knew exactly how to respond.

"That was so powerful."

She giggled at him, knowing he'd used her own line on her now. And just like that, the awkwardness had left, and they were back to normal. Well, whatever their normal was.

"Thank you! So…you've had a surgery in your lifetime," she said, gesturing to his scar. Another thing she now knew about him.

"Yeah. It ruptured when I was twelve," Fitz nodded. "My mom didn't connect the symptoms quickly enough, and I certainly didn't know what was going on. For me, it felt like the flu, except it hurt right here, pretty bad," he said, pointing to his scar. "She just thought my stomach hurt."

"Oh my goodness, that's awful," Olivia said. "But...everything went okay?"

"Yeah, everything went okay," he said. By the time I was _shrieking_ in my bedroom she knew something was very wrong, so she took me in. And...a successful surgery later, I was just left with this," he said, looking down at his abdomen.

She gave him a reassuring smile. "Well, this isn't as badass as yours. I don't have any very _noticeable_ scars, just a small one on my knee from when I fell off my scooter as a child," she laughed.

"Oh _no," _he said worriedly, which made her laugh.

_"__But_, I do have a birthmark in kind of an odd place," she said. She felt she'd already stepped over the line of being inappropriate today, so she sure as hell wasn't going to show him.

"It's on my side, a little higher up," she said, gesturing to where it was over her tank top. It really _was_ kind of a weird place, on her side right under where her bra strap went.

"Ahhh," he nodded. "See, you've got me beat there. I don't have a birthmark."

"Nothing?" she asked.

"Nothing," he shook his head. "I'm boring."

She rolled her eyes at him, knowing he'd said it on purpose. "You are _not."_

He chuckled, giving her a smile. "Okay. So...your turn. We took a really long break."

"My turn to bench?" she asked. "You can't judge me though. No judgy eyes."

"I would never," he assured her, pulling some of the weights off. "You can start light, and build from there."

She nodded, sitting and laying back as he'd done. He got behind the bench, putting his hands underneath the bar. "Whenever you're ready."

She nervously reached up and unhooked the bar from its resting spot, and began to bench as best as she could. He had made sure it was very light for her, so she was appreciative. It wasn't so bad, but she knew she still wouldn't be able to do as many reps as he could.

When it started to get tough, he could tell.

"You got it. Three more, you can do it," he nodded, following the bar's every move, just in case.

His encouragement really did work for her. After three more, she was spent, and he helped her put the bar back.

"Nice," he nodded.

"Thanks," she replied, laying back on the bench for a second.

They filled up an hour of time, as she suspected they would, working on upper arms and abs.

Afterward, he told her about his workouts and how seriously he took them, upon her request.

"I like to, um...I like to stay fit, and feel good about myself. I like to eat healthy. But I'm not the guy that forces himself to eat the same chicken breast, rice and vegetable every day for lunch and dinner."

"Oh, god no," she replied in agreement.

"I can't...I can't do that. It's not worth it for me to take all the enjoyment out of food," he laughed. "I like to cook, and I like to cook more than just...those things. I just...work out five days a week and I work out pretty hard."

"Right," she nodded along.

"And...Saturdays and Sundays I take off. You won't get anywhere if you don't take time for your muscles to recuperate. So...that's me. I like to maintain, and feel good. But I'm not the...crazy gym rat type either."

"I think you've got exactly the right idea," she said. "And...I don't mean to be weird, so I hope this isn't. But...you look really good. It's very easy to see you take good care of yourself."

She hoped that sounded genuine, because she really did mean it that way.

"It's not weird, thank you," he smiled. "I can...um. I can tell the same for you. In a...not weird way," he said nervously.

"Thank you, Fitz," she laughed.

He nodded back.

"But, I've got some work to do, too. So...if it's okay, you've got yourself a workout partner."

"It's more than okay," he nodded. "Thank you."

"No, _thank you,"_ she said, wiping her face, as they'd just finished. "I'm probably gonna feel dead later today, and tonight. But...thank you."

"You're welcome," he chuckled, following her out the gym door. "Okay. I'll...see you in a bit. Oh, wait—do you have protein? Recovery?"

"No," she shook her head.

"K. Come on," he said, nodding his head toward the stairs.

"Oh, are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah. You need some. Replenish your muscles," he nodded quietly, as they entered the stairwell.

So, they both had a protein shake, and after that and the banana she'd had, she was feeling pretty full, and she knew it would last until lunch.

On _top_ of the coffee they would obviously be consuming in the coming hours.

They each respectively got ready and met back upstairs at their normal time that they left.

Hank got his breakfast, and a treat, and then they were off.

First, to Starbucks, and then the train station.

She smiled at the sound of his music, which wasn't unusual. It had kind of been growing on her, which surprised her. But she was learning she had room for his stuff in her heart too.

"You know, your music is really nice."

He turned to her surprisedly. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she nodded. "I've just been thinking about it."

"Well...you should really play some of yours," he said. "We play mine every day."

"Oh, no," she shook her head. "Yours is better."

"Come on," he laughed. "What do you listen to?"

"Nothing important," she replied, which had him chuckling, and in turn, her, too.

"I'm serious. Play some. We've got...seven minutes, until we're there."

"Fitz, there's a reason I have yet to tell you or play any of my music for you," she pointed out with a laugh.

He shrugged, not seeming to care a single bit what she had to say about the matter.

"I'm, uh...I'm waiting," he said, turning back to the road causally. She sighed, looking over him as he drove. In a full suit. So cute. So fine. Oh dear, she was going to scar him.

But he had insisted, so she hesitantly grabbed her phone from her pocket to connect it to the Bluetooth in his car.

And because he really wanted a taste of it, and she was feeling adventurous, she hit shuffle. Having absolutely no idea what she was getting herself into. Getting _them_ into.

She instantly heard the high-pitched whistles of the song, and cringed.

"Oh god," she said aloud.

"What?" he chuckled, reading the song title from the screen "Head...Headband. Featuring...2 Chainz."

She was cracking up at him reading that, and already putting her face in her palm as she awaited what was to come.

"What?" he chuckled.

She just shook her head, as if to say "just listen."

**"****Already got one, rolled up in my left hand,**

**pussy on my mind, tighter than a headband—"**

His eyes widened, and he looked at over at Olivia slowly.

"Okay, oh god—abort!" she exclaimed, switching the song immediately when she realized she was _not_ gonna be able to finish listening to that song with him.

His cheeks went about as red as his hand went the day she, unfortunately, made him burn it.

"Yeah. See. Do you regret this?" she laughed.

He just sat there wide-eyed, scratching his head. Wanting to laugh or say something, but having no idea which to do.

And the next song that came on her shuffle: "Rack City"

"Nope," she said, hitting next.

"Candy Shop" came on next.

"Oh, for the love of God," she noted, disconnecting her Bluetooth. "Okay, well, we tried that. It was a fun time. Let's...let's go back to your music now."

It was only then, that they made eye contact again and finally burst into laughter.

"What the _hell,_ Olivia!" he exclaimed through his laugh.

"Don't even!" she exclaimed back. _"Youuu!_ You asked me to!"

"I...yes. I did. I am taking responsibility. I...okay. I just wasn't expecting that," he chuckled, looking over at her shyly.

"Neither was I. I hit shuffle, and put it in God's hands."

"God. Sir. Come on," Fitz sighed, shaking his head and looking up. Olivia was in another fit of laughter.

"Please don't...please don't play that in front of Karen, okay?" Fitz chuckled.

"Oh my god, I would _never,"_ Olivia assured him with a laugh. "Never ever ever."

"Thank you. I mean...we can...we can listen to it, though, if you want to," he offered.

"Nope, nope. I think I'll pass on that one," she replied quickly.

"Okay," he chuckled, looking over at her.

She looked back and rolled her eyes, shaking her head at herself. "We can try that again another time, in which I will carefully pick the songs I play for you."

"Okay," he nodded. "Who are your favorite artists? Would I know them?"

"I like...The Weeknd. Tyga. DaBaby. A$AP Rocky. Khalid. Post Malone. I have a lot of favorites. Do you know any of them?"

"I know Post Malone, and Khalid. And...I think I know A$AP Rocky."

She nodded. "Yeah, they're pretty popular."

"Well, maybe we can try again with your music when we head home today," he chuckled.

_"__Maybe,"_ she laughed.

Like normal, it was another really nice commute into the city. But it was always nice.

They knew each other pretty well by now, although there was always more to learn, so they still were.

Olivia had learned a _lot_ over the past few weeks, and not just things about Fitz, and _not_ just during their commutes.

She'd learned a few things while they were at the house too. Like, one, the Grants were members at the Rye Golf club, which was a pretty fancy country club. She'd learned this because it was the tail end of the golf season, and Fitz had gone to play one last round of the fall with his friend David one Saturday. They'd also had dinner there all together, just Olivia and the family, last weekend.

It was incredibly nice.

Another thing she learned—Fitz looked fantastic in golf clothes.

Aside from that, she learned all of the things that kept little miss Karen Grant busy. One of those things—she took piano lessons, and Fitz and Mellie traded off helping her out with her practicing. Both of them could play, although Mellie was a little more advanced, and truly sounded wonderful when she played and sang at the same time.

Fitz wouldn't ever sing while he played, at least that Olivia had heard yet. But she'd heard and watched him help Karen, and it was pretty cute. Olivia definitely couldn't play the piano if her life depended on it, but all three of the Grants certainly made use of that beautiful baby grand piano they had. They were all very impressive, Olivia was never going to get over that.

Another thing she'd learned, while she went to grab the cleaning supplies upstairs so she could clean her bathroom, was that that wasn't even _necessary_. Mellie had immediately stopped her, and Olivia had become nervous, instantly thinking she should have asked to use the cleaning supplies.

But Mellie just chuckled and had assured her she was free to absolutely anything in the home, but that she didn't have to clean her bathroom. She didn't have to, because the housekeepers would do it for her.

Olivia had almost dropped the bucket of cleaning supplies.

So, every two weeks, a housekeeper cleaned the entire house while everyone was away at work and school. She shouldn't have been surprised. But she still was in the moment Mellie had told her that, with a playful smile and laugh, as if to say "duh!"

That was still new, but...she'd learned it alright.

She'd also learned that Mellie didn't have a very consistent schedule at the hospital, and sometimes her shifts were late at night, or early in the morning, along with her normal day shifts. Mellie also was close with her sister and her mom, who she'd gone to see once in the past three weeks. She'd brought Karen with, as apparently, they often did "girls" days like that.

During her commutes, though, Olivia was able to learn a little more personal things, because she and Fitz had become such good friends.

For example, she'd learned a little more about Mellie's background. She was from Scarsdale, New York, which was an extremely wealthy town—Olivia had looked it up. And it wasn't very far at all from Rye, which was another reason Mellie had enjoyed ending up in Rye, along with her position at the hospital.

She now also knew why Mellie worked, despite the fact that she clearly didn't need to. Fitz had told it to her straight, "she thinks it's a waste of potential if she doesn't work." And Olivia had to give it to her, she admired that. Clearly she was a smart woman, and she at least had her _career_ shit together. And to be able to work, and be a nurse, and help people...they could always use more of that in this world. So for that, she applauded her.

Additionally, she now knew how Karen had gotten her name—from Mellie's late grandmother, who had meant a lot to Mellie growing up. Karen's middle name was Jean, after Fitz's mother. Olivia admired that, and truly had been wondering how Karen had gotten her name, because it wasn't super common anymore.

Karen had been the one to name their dog Hank when she was five. That had _really_ made Olivia laugh, knowing that, because it was such a cute and funny name for a dog. And a five-year-old had been the one to come up with it? Adorable.

To this day, Fitz said he and Mellie still had no idea why she had picked the name. She just did, and so, granting their baby girl's wish, their cute little beagle was Hank.

She now knew a lot about _all_ of their names in general. Melody Margaret, after her mom Margaret, who went by Maggie. Fitzgerald Thomas, who was actually the third of his name.

His father, Fitzgerald Grant Jr., had passed away when Fitz was a kid. He talked sweetly of him, and it made Olivia sad that he'd had a similar experience that she'd had. He at least got to know his dad, who apparently was known by big Gerry, better than she ever got to know hers. However, she'd still grown up with a very prominent father figure her entire life, thanks to her uncle Frankie.

Fitz on the other hand, after age seven, had not. He'd gotten the nice seven years that he had gotten, but ever since, it had just been him and his mother.

And Olivia could tell that was why he was so protective and fond of his mom. It sounded like he was still very much her baby boy, and was always looking out for him.

Olivia hoped she'd get to meet her someday. The woman who raised this wonderful man she now had the privilege of knowing? She was probably just as wonderful herself.

There was so much to learn, when completely relocating your life, and she'd been sure to learn as much as she could. And of course, _Fitz_ especially, had been getting to learn everything there was to learn about Olivia too.

When they reached J.P. Morgan, Fitz held out his closed fist for her and she bumped it with a smile.

"I'll text you," she said as they parted ways.

"Yes please," he said, adjusting his briefcase and heading the other way. "Good luck on your physics exam."

"Thanks!" she said, turning to look over her shoulder. "I hope your meeting with Cyrus goes well."

"Thanks, Liv," he replied.

He gave her a quick smile, before he disappeared into the revolving door of the building.

Sigh. So cute.

Her physics exam did indeed go well, she thought. By the end of the day, she was also starting to feel the strain in her muscles, and it actually made her smile. Yep, that's what she'd been waiting for. But it was a good thing.

Fitz had to work a little later that day, so she did her homework after school until he told her he was ready, and then she went to meet him.

He seemed like he'd had a long day, from the minute she saw him in the J.P. Morgan lobby.

He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. And the instant he saw her, his face softened, and he smiled. "Hi."

"Hi. How was your day?"

"Long," he said, confirming what she'd thought. "Meeting with Cyrus went well, though."

"Oh good! I'm sorry your day was long, though," she replied, as they headed out.

"It's okay. How was yours? Physics?" he asked.

"Nailed it, I think," she nodded.

"Nice," he smiled. "I knew you would."

She smiled back, as they made their way the short distance to Grand Central.

After another nice train ride back, they made it to his car in the parking lot, safe from the chilly wind. It was the very end of September, and it was starting to get cooler, especially in the mornings and evenings.

He'd told Mellie he could pick up Karen that day from volleyball, because she was home already from the hospital, and he would make just about perfect timing.

But they had about half an hour until she was done with volleyball by the time they got to the car, so it was one of those times it was awkward to go home, but still a bit to wait. It didn't take long at all to get to her school from the station, so they took their time before heading there.

They warmed up for a few minutes in the car, and he broke the comfortable silence with something that made her laugh.

"Okay. What do you say. 'Headband' round two?" he teased.

She burst into laughter, leaning her head down on her lap._ "No."_

"Okay," he chuckled. "I'm kind of thankful you said no, I just wanted to see your reaction."

She was still laughing, shaking her head. "Yeah, let's give my music, like...another couple of days and we'll try again."

"Sounds good," he laughed.

"Or..._you_ could sing, instead," she offered.

His eyes widened and his cheeks turned pink. "Or..._you_ could."

"See, I have no problem singing in front of people. I just kind of want to hear your voice," she smiled.

He laughed quietly. "It makes me nervous."

"I know it does," she nodded. "You don't have to, I was sort of kidding. But your sweet daughter brags about how nice your voice is, so you can't blame me for being intrigued."

He smiled, looking down at his lap. "She's told me how nice yours is, too. And...by the way, how did you know 'Hallelujah' was my favorite?" he teased.

She gasped. "Oh, I didn't! Karen didn't tell me that!"

"Well, I've never _sung_ it for Karen," he replied. "Although I probably should, because it's a beautiful song. My mom used to love when I would play it for her on the piano when I was little, and uh...and sing for her."

Olivia's heart _melted._

"Awww. Such a nice son," she smiled. He blushed and chuckled in return, like it was no big deal.

"See, my mom used to be the one to sing it to _me_ when I was little," she said. "That's...how I grew to love it."

_"Awww," _he mimicked, which made her smile.

"Now, the important question is...what's your favorite _version?" _she asked. "There are so many covers, and different verses people replace."

"Well, other than the original by Leonard Cohen…I like Jeff Buckley's version a lot," he replied.

"Oh, yes, his is good," Olivia nodded. "Have you ever heard the Pentatonix before?"

"Oh, yeah, they're the…um, the a cappella group," he replied.

"Yes!" Olivia nodded. "Their version is so pretty. I think…that one is actually my favorite, no offense to Leonard Cohen," she laughed.

"I've never heard their version," he admitted.

She gave him a look. "Alright. We're connecting my Bluetooth again," she said, grabbing her phone.

"Uh oh…I'm…I'm having flashbacks."

She was giggling, searching up the Pentatonix in her music library. "Don't worry. I have a feeling this will go better than this morning. Alright. Ready?"

"Yeah," he nodded, resting his head back against the headrest.

It began with a single voice, singing the first verse. It was Scott Hoying's voice, she knew.

During the first two lines, she looked over at him, to see that he was already looking at her. He didn't look away. He kept looking, and mouthed "sing" to her.

A smile began to form on her face at his silent plea for her to sing. So she started to, very softly, just so he could still hear the song.

"Well it goes like this, the fourth the fifth,

the minor fall, the major lift."

During those two lines, his lips parted almost in surprise. And then it turned into a soft smile, watching and listening, to her sing.

She watched him mouth the final line to the verse along with her.

"The baffled King composing Hallelujah."

She watched his lips move the entire time. Studying them. Smiling as she sang.

And in between "Hallelujah"s, she urged him to sing the next verse with her.

_"Hallelujah_…come on, sing with me. _Hallelujah_…don't make me do it alone—"

He was chuckling at her intermittent rushed talking between the lines of such a beautiful, powerful song.

During those seconds before the next verse started, she was nodding at him encouragingly, seeing if she thought he was going to actually do it. He was blushing like crazy, looking at her very uncertainly. But the smile stayed on his face the whole time, as it looked like he was internally debating whether or not he should.

And to her surprise, he _did_. He sang really softly, intentionally letting her voice overpower his.

"Well, your faith was strong, but you needed proof,

you saw her bathing on the roof,

her beauty in the moonlight overthrew ya,"

They watched each other sing intently. Focusing on saying the words, themselves, but…focusing on each other more.

Karen had _not_ been lying. His voice was beautiful. But she desperately wanted to hear it without hearing her own. So for the last few lines, she did what _he'd_ done before, and she just mouthed the words along with him, hoping he'd continue to sing by himself.

And he did.

He never faltered, not showing any sign that he even realized he was singing alone at this point. He just looked at her. And sang.

"She tied you to the kitchen chair,

she broke your throne, and she cut your hair,

and from your lips, she drew the Hallelujah."

She had goosebumps. Goosebumps everywhere, because of his voice, singing this song. She smiled at him, mouthing the words as he actually sang them.

She eventually joined him in singing "Hallelujah" four more times to close out the verse. And then, the entire rest of the song.

And so, she'd introduced him to the Pentatonix, sang for him, and heard him sing in a matter of about four _wonderful _minutes. And somehow, she felt even closer to him now, knowing he'd done something in front of her that made him extremely nervous.

After the song played out, they just sat there, looking at each other in silence.

"Your voice..." he whispered. "It's beautiful."

"So is yours," she whispered back. "Thanks for...letting me hear it. I know it makes you nervous."

He nodded. "It wasn't so bad. You made it easier."

That made her smile.

"That song…it's going to forever make me think of you now, I think," she replied quietly.

_Oh dear, she should not have said that._

But his face showed a soft smile, growing larger at her words.

"Me too."

They just sat there, and stared at each other. Something, apparently, they'd become really good at.

"Um…and the Pentatonix, they're…they're really good," he added.

"Right?" she nodded. "They're not my normal type, as we…found out this morning," she said, which made him crack up.

"But…they're really talented," she finished.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I think you'll have to play that for K. I can see her loving a group like that."

"I will," Olivia nodded with a smile.

"Speaking of…we should probably head to her school," he said.

"Alright, let's do it," Olivia nodded, reaching for her seatbelt.

He did the same, and they made small talk on the way there, and while they waited for Karen to come outside.

When she did, she was ecstatic to see both her dad, and Olivia. Olivia could always bring out a pretty big smile from Karen, and vice versa.

They got the summary of Karen's day on the way home. She'd had a pretty good day, it seemed, and now she was really hungry, after having volleyball practice.

So when they got home, Fitz immediately got started on dinner.

Olivia did some homework in her room, until it was time for them to eat. She kept humming "Hallelujah," thinking for sure it was going to be stuck in her head _all night_ now. Oh well.

For dinner, Fitz made spicy lemon garlic tilapia, and _man,_ it was amazing.

That man and his skills in the kitchen. It still amazed her.

After dinner, Fitz went up to his bedroom to take a shower and rinse off after a long day.

When he got out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into the bedroom, going to his dresser to find some clothes. Mellie had just walked in, coming to grab her iPad, it appeared.

He nodded briefly at her, adjusting his towel. She nodded back, grabbing her iPad from her nightstand.

And after their two, dull nods to each other, she exited the room again. Probably down to the sunroom, if he had to guess. Anywhere away from him.

"Always a pleasure," he whispered to himself sarcastically.

They'd been having a pretty rough go of it lately. Rougher than usual, probably.

But after years and years of this, he wasn't the least bit surprised. The really bad periods went in waves, with no particular reason as to why they were bad.

They just weren't good companions, they both knew it.

They didn't talk much. The conversations were never long, and they never had any real substance to them unless it was a fight, which did happen.

Sometimes if a fight ended extremely badly and one of them said something that had crossed the line into _too rude, _they'd feel bad and try to _sort of_ make up. Which usually involved a single forced kiss, or maybe, a forced hug. To be normal.

Aside from that, they kissed in front of Karen sometimes. But there was never any other affection that was actually desired.

They had sex on occasion. There was no passion behind it, and at this point, it was far beyond "meaning" anything. At this point, it was just to get off, because everyone needed to.

Although, it had been a long time since the last time that they had. Fitz thought it had been since early this summer, but he didn't care to keep track. They'd both been "rain checked" a couple times since then.

A lot of times if he needed to take care of something, he took care of it himself in the shower. It was easier. He could be alone. And he wouldn't have to try and think about ways to keep himself interested. He knew she did the same.

The shower was a godsend.

There was just no attraction anymore. They both knew the other was attractive. But they just weren't attracted _to_ each other.

It was just what they'd gotten used to. It sucked. But they got through it. They got through it for Karen. Because Karen was one of the only good things that had come from the two of them ever getting together. She was the only positive. She was _everything_.

Until about a month ago, Fitz had been used to feeling the same things. He was used to feeling happy when he spent time with his little girl. He felt pride at work, because he knew he did his job well. Pretty dull when he was alone with Mellie. And the anxiety that he had to keep in check made sure he always felt somewhat anxious.

But lately, he'd been feeling a way bigger range of emotions, aside from his normal ones.

He felt _so_ much happier in general. He felt..._things._ Things that were a product of a certain young woman that he now could honestly consider one of his good friends.

She made him...smiley.

She made him feel better, and he knew why she did.

He liked her. He liked her more than he should. At first, it had begun pretty innocently. He thought she was amazing, and kind, and so smart. So had _everything_ figured out, and he applauded her for that. And he thought she was beautiful.

But it had already developed so much further. He thought about her constantly. He thought about things that scared the living hell out of him. Things revolving around her, that he should not think about.

And because of all of that, he felt a _deep_ sense of guilt. One that made him question how good of a man he really was, if he could think these things about someone he wasn't married to. Someone that wasn't his daughter's mom.

And so, the guilt sometimes led to him feeling sad, or mad at himself, for letting the feelings develop. Even though he knew he couldn't stop them from developing even if he had tried. If he could, he would have done it already. But nothing in life was that simple.

This sure as hell wasn't simple. Nothing about this was simple. And nothing about it was right.

But life didn't really seem to care what was right and what was wrong, because here it was, putting him in an abnormal situation that apparently he couldn't figure out how to get out of.

The only thing that ever seemed to get him _sort of_ out of his head, was Olivia, crazy enough—considering she was what caused all of these feelings in the first place.

But when he was with her, everything felt so much better. Everything else could stop for a little bit, and he could just..._be_ with her.

So, he decided to head downstairs to see if she wanted to watch that "vulgar" show, as Mellie referred to it. But before he did, he remembered something he should grab first, from his nightstand drawer.

Olivia was in the middle of FaceTiming Shawn, while simultaneously doing her homework, as the two of them often did. If she were back home right now, the two would probably be doing homework together at one of their houses,_ if _Olivia wasn't working.

So they'd been doing it quite often while she was here in New York. She wasn't there with Shawn, but she wasn't going to give up their routine of doing homework together.

Shawn was currently telling Olivia, or just herself, why her pre-calculus homework made no sense. "See, now why would God invent something like this. I love you, man, but, like…really? You just out here tryna confuse ya girl constantly."

"Do you need help?" Olivia asked with a laugh, not looking away from the essay she was currently re-typing. "I need a break anyway. This isn't even due for two weeks and I've got nothing else to do right now."

"Nuh-uh. You go back to writing your essay for like, the third time or whatever. Because the second I read you the problem you'll go all 'Liv' on me and without even trying, be like 'mhm, the answer is the square root of 135.9 over 13.2 to the 14th power," Shawn said, in her best nerdy voice. "And I need to be able to figure this out on my own!"

Olivia rolled her eyes and laughed. "Math isn't even my strong suit."

"And yet…I said what I said," Shawn replied.

They were both laughing, and Olivia shook her head at her. "Shawna."

"Ohhhh, bitch, don't you Shawna me."

"Shawn…_a,"_ Olivia said, putting the emphasis on the 'a' that really ended her name. She just hated it.

"Nope. Now you _really_ ain't helpin' me. Now, how come you don't have any more homework of your own, you weirdo? Aren't you supposed to be going to like, the fanciest school in existence?" Shawn asked.

"Yes, I suppose," Olivia laughed. "But…I do my homework after school for a decent amount of time a lot of days while I'm waiting for Fitz. Then I do it before and after dinner. And…I get shit _done_. It's crazy not working at ma's restaurant. I mean, I have _so_ much more time to actually, you know, be a _student."_

"That's _so_ nice," Shawn said. "Ever since I quit dance team I've had more time, too. But…I still gotta drive my little brother's ass around all the damn time."

Olivia smiled. "Tell little Isaiah I miss him."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. How about me, do you miss the superior Turner child?" Shawn asked.

"You know I do," Olivia nodded. "It's lame not seeing your crazy ass every day."

Shawn put her hand to her heart and smiled. "Bitch, you're so sweet."

Olivia smiled, putting her hand on her heart too. "Love you."

"Love you," Shawn said, giving her a smile. "A crazy annoying amount, actually."

"Now…how about…you let me see that pre-calc homework of yours," Olivia suggested innocently.

Shawn shot Olivia a look. "Don't make me hang up on you. A bitch isn't afraid to do it."

"Come onnn," Olivia laughed.

"No—"

A knock on her door disrupted their conversation, along with a deep voice softly saying "Olivia?"

"One sec," Olivia said to Shawn. She took out one of her headphones, telling Fitz he could come in. She was laying on her bed, facing the door, so he couldn't see Shawn on Olivia's computer screen.

"Hi," she greeted with a smile.

"Hi," he greeted back.

He'd just gotten out of the shower, that was clear. His hair was damp, and cutely curling up on the ends because it was already getting longer. He wore a T-shirt and joggers that fit him really nicely, but she tried not to stare. And while her best friend couldn't stare at him because she couldn't _see_ him, she still made it known that she was _very_ intrigued.

"Oh my god, wait, is that him? Is that mister shy man? Ohhhh, Jesus, he's so fine, he's so fine, he's so fine."

Olivia could hear it through the one headphone she had in, and tried her hardest not to giggle because Fitz had literally no idea he was currently being_ fangirled _over, and she now wished to keep it that way.

"What's up?" Olivia asked.

"I, uh…I just wanted to see if you wanted to watch GOT with me? If…if you're busy though, no worries at all. I won't watch without you."

Shawn practically _screeched_ in Olivia's ear.

"Oh my GOD! Olivia Carolyn Pope, if you don't go watch GOT with that man right this second, I am calling the motherfucking police."

Olivia once again had to hold back a laugh, before responding to him. She most definitely should have hung up on her before he walked in.

"Sure!" Olivia nodded with a smile. "I'll be right out, okay?"

"Okay," he smiled, starting to close the door. "Oh, and um…"

He pulled out a book from behind his back. She could read the title from her bed. "The Other Boleyn Girl."

She couldn't help but gasp.

Shawn, of course, had no idea what had happened, and was instantly confused.

"What? What did he do? Did he take off his shirt? Did he show you _that dick? _I need answers, woman."

Now Olivia was _blushing_, along with the fact that she was just super excited about the book she could now read during her free time.

"Oh, Fitz, thank you _so_ much," she said. "I can't wait to read it!"

Shawn now understood.

"Ohhh, it's just two weirdos speaking in nerd to each other," Shawn noted.

"You read 'The Alchemist' so fast, I knew...I couldn't waste much time before giving you another."

"I appreciate it. Although I have to say, I do enjoy your other form of book delivering," she laughed.

His face went red, as they both remembered how he'd given her the last book. Under her door at about 12:30 in the morning.

He laughed quietly and scratched his head nervously.

"Oh my god, make him laugh again. That was_ so cute—_who allowed this man to exist?" Shawn exclaimed in her ear.

She was right, his laugh _was_ cute.

"I'll remember that," Fitz smiled.

"Okay," Olivia laughed, looking back at him with a smile. A smile that she couldn't help anymore. He just made her smile.

"Oh…damn. Now wait a minute," Shawn said.

"Um…okay. I'll, uh…I'll just…I'll wait for you out here. Take your time. And I'll just put this..." he said, reaching quickly into her room to place the book on her dresser, while not moving his feet at all. Like he was deeply afraid of invading her personal space, and entering her room. And then he gently shut the door.

She watched him do all of it with the stupid smile still probably on her face.

"Okay. Hold up," Shawn said.

Olivia looked down at her computer, seeing her best friend giving her a "hmmm" look.

"What?" Olivia whispered.

"So he digs you? He's really out here diggin' you _that _hard and you didn't think to tell me?!" Shawn asked.

_"__What?!"_ Olivia exclaimed quietly, knowing he was just outside in the living room. But she heard the TV turn on out there, and she felt better, knowing her talking would now be masked by its sound.

"Oh don't even! And you dig him back! You _so_ do! I mean, by the way, I am_ not_ blaming you. He is precious. He is…_wow,_ he is so precious. I don't even speak nerd and that was adorable," Shawn said.

"Oh, stop," Olivia laughed.

"No. I absolutely will not. You been gettin' cuddly with that fine ass man on your way to the city every day, haven't you," Shawn noted with a smirk.

_"__No,"_ Olivia said, with wide eyes. "No, no, no."

She wasn't denying she had the biggest crush on him in the world, but she didn't think she'd been getting _"cuddly"...right?_

"Well, look, I'm sorry. This may be wrong to ask, but I'm team Liv for life, so...why the hell _not?!"_ Shawn exclaimed.

"Because he's a _30-year-old married man_ with a _daughter_ and I live in his _house," _Olivia exclaimed in a hushed whisper.

"All that may be true. But what I just heard doesn't lie. That was flirting, girl. On both sides. Therefore, I do not need to be a freaky genius to say….mister shy man digs you and you dig him right back."

Olivia didn't even know what to say to all of that. Her heart was beating fast at the mention of how Shawn thought he felt about her. But she didn't let herself get too caught up in anything right now, because it made her nervous.

And thankfully, she had to go anyway, because he was waiting, so she just pathetically changed the subject.

"Uh…look, I'm gonna go, okay? Is that cool?" Olivia asked.

"Are you kidding? Of course, it's cool. Now you can stop bugging me about my damn pre-calc homework," Shawn said, which made Olivia laugh again.

"Alright, I'll text you, okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, ma'am," Shawn nodded. "And hey."

"Yeah?" Olivia asked.

"Your secret's safe with me. I can see now that it scares you, and you don't get scared that much. So I won't talk about it unless you want to. But just know…I got your back, and…I'm with you. For everything, Liv," Shawn said.

Olivia smiled, and sighed at her best friend. "Thanks, Shawn. Thank you."

"Mhm. Now go watch some Kings and Queens and...sex," Shawn said.

"Okay," she laughed. Bye, Shawn."

"Bye, Liv."

She plugged her computer in to charge, and took a deep breath, before heading out to the living area of the basement.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey," she greeted back, going to sit by him.

The couch was a giant "U" shape, and therefore, was pretty big. She didn't sit directly next to him, but she still sat close.

"Alright. I'm ready, let's do this," she nodded, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch onto her lap. She looked over at him, seeing that he was just wearing shorts. "You want some of this?"

_And just as she had been assuring herself before that she wasn't getting "cuddly" with him, she goes and does this dumb shit. Good lord._

"Uh…yeah. Yeah, sure," he nodded, accepting the other half of it.

The blanket was big, at least, so it easily covered both of them, despite the fact that they were a comfortable distance away from each other.

And so they settled in to watch another episode of "Game of Thrones."

She really did like it already. It was definitely gory, and she probably wouldn't have watched it had she not been introduced to it by him. But she had to admit, it was really well done. _Everything_ about it was well done.

She had a couple of favorite characters already. One, who'd already died, which made her sad. He had also been one of Fitz's favorites. She liked little Arya Stark because she was feisty and didn't much care what others thought about her. And she had a feeling she was going to grow up to be a badass. And she loved her brother Robb, too.

He was _cute_. Seemed like an honorable man, just like his dad. And that was saying something, because there were a_ lot _of assholes in the show. _A lot._

"God, when is he going to die?" Olivia groaned, seeing Joffrey Baratheon's annoying face on the TV. He was the devil, she was sure of it.

Fitz chuckled. "What makes you so sure he's going to?"

"Nothing. I'm just really hoping he does. If lots of people die in this show, I _have_ to believe this asshat will. But...maybe that's just wishful thinking."

"Asshat," he chuckled to himself.

"Mhm, he's very much an asshat," Olivia nodded.

"Well, you're just going to have to wait and find out if asshat dies or not," Fitz shrugged.

_"Another _thing I have to wait on," she groaned, turning to him.

He chuckled, looking back at her.

"You _still_ won't tell me your other favorite character besides Ned and Jon, huh?" she asked.

"I would, but there's a reason I haven't."

"Oh, what's the reason?" she asked.

"We haven't met her yet," he replied.

She tilted her head at him. "Ohhh, it's a 'her', huh?"

"Yes," he chuckled.

"Is she…really pretty?" she asked.

"Um…I don't…I don't know," he shrugged.

"She is, isn't she?" Olivia laughed.

"You will just have to wait and see. It's probably not what you think," Fitz said.

"Okay, well, I'm intrigued," Olivia said, turning back to the TV.

Robb was currently on the screen, and Olivia smiled.

Fitz saw.

"So, since _you _want to tease me about it. Wanna…tell me why he's your favorite?" Fitz asked.

Olivia blushed, turning to him with a laugh.

"Yeahhh," Fitz chuckled at her. "See, two can play at this game."

"You got me," Olivia giggled. "He's…he's, um. Well."

"Sorry…what is he?" Fitz asked, cupping his hand behind his ear as if he couldn't hear her.

"He's _cute as hell," _Olivia replied. "There."

Fitz was laughing at her, and she laughed back, shaking her head.

Never once had they talked of _anything_ of that sort. But it was both kind of embarrassing, and funny at the same time.

But it led to something more.

"So, um…" he began, scratching his head. "Ah, never mind."

"No, what?" she laughed. "Every time you say 'never mind', you know it makes me want to know what you were gonna say even more."

He smiled, his cheeks already pink.

This should be good.

"I was just going to ask...what is it about...Robb? What...do you like about him?"

She looked over at him with questioning eyes. _Did she hear that question right?_

He immediately reverted back to his shy, nervous self, after it appeared he realized what exactly he had just asked.

"God, I'm sorry," he said apologetically, shaking his head. "I don't know...why I asked that, that was really personal. You don't have to...answer. I should not have...God, I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, it's okay, Fitz," she laughed. "You're totally fine. And if it makes you feel better, let's sit back and remember the time that I just…up and touched your scar this morning, like a crazy person."

He burst into laughter, and all the tension evaporated away again. Thank goodness.

"You're not a crazy person."

"Well, smiley, that there, is probably a lie. But thank you," she laughed. "But…about Robb, do you mean...physically speaking?"

He bit his lip in thought and nodded slowly.

She actually grew a little nervous, because this _was_ personal, and she knew it would expose herself to him. But she still told him. "Well...I like his hair. It's, um...dark, and curly. His jawline...it's really strong. And I think his blue eyes are bright and...pretty."

He nodded, clearing his throat to fill the silence after she described such specific physical traits that she was attracted to. The same physical traits of a man who sat in that very room—both of them electing not to acknowledge that.

"And...other than his physical appearance?" he asked quietly.

She nodded. That was more important!

"He's...so kind, and sweet. He's funny. And I think…he's faced with impossible situations, and yet…you can tell he's a man of honor. Even when…he does things people may question. He does them for a reason. To me, I think he's just…amazing."

He eyed her and nodded, before looking back at the TV screen. Both trying to focus on watching the show.

Olivia had felt as though she'd opened up a whole new side of herself to him. It felt scary, but...it felt good. They were both fiddling nervously with the blanket, and stealing glances at each other when they thought the other wasn't looking.

And based on those things, she was pretty sure they _both_ knew that she had been describing more than just Robb Stark.

* * *

**There was your chapter 4.**

**I know you're all patiently waiting, and it's getting there! I _promise._**

**Things are getting a littttle more..."personal."**

**Hope you enjoyed,**

**~T**


	5. Hurt

"Brienne of Tarth?"

"Brienne of Tarth."

"Seriously?! I mean, don't get me wrong, she's _awesome._ But I would have never foreseen that she was your other favorite character."

"I know, I told you—it's probably not what you would think!" he chuckled.

"So...aside from the fact that she's a literal badass...how come?"

He shrugged.

"The world is against her, and yet...she doesn't take any shit. She does what she wants to do—she makes it happen, end of story. She doesn't care what people will think, and...I envy that. I envy her ability to sometimes just...do what's best for her, and...not _give_ a shit what others think. I wish I could have that mindset sometimes. I think we_ all _wish we could have that mindset sometimes," he answered.

_Oh, damn. A whole speech!_

Olivia nodded. "Okay, wow. You got me. I have even more respect for her now, that's all very true."

"Mhm," he nodded. "She's...a very strong woman. Both physically and mentally. She was meant to be...a _leader_, and she's trying to do all of this, and…and make her own way in a field dominated by men."

_"__Yes! _Women's _rights!" _Olivia exclaimed, slamming her hand down on the couch cushion.

_"__Absolutely!" _he exclaimed, slamming his hand down right next to hers, which had her giggling. _Respect, Fitz._

"Okay, okay, so...now I have another very important question," Olivia replied.

"And what's that?"

"Who's your 'Game of Thrones' crush then?"

He chuckled. "That's very important, huh?"

"It is indeed. Mostly because you know mine, and I think it's only fair that I know yours," she shrugged with a smile. "Unless it is Brienne?"

Brienne was very tall, and looked _very_ strong. She could hold her own in a fight with _anyone_, Olivia was positive—she'd already seen her do it. She had pale skin and very short blonde hair that looked to be slightly wavy. Her facial features were very strongly defined, giving an overall hardness to her appearance.

"Um...well, I think Brienne could kick my ass," he chuckled, which made them both crack up.

"I admire Brienne a lot, but no, I wouldn't say...I have a 'crush' on her in _that_ way," he finished.

"Alright, then you must tell me who. I didn't make this rule."

"Oh, you didn't? 'Cause...'cause I'm pretty sure you_ did_ just make this rule—"

"Nope—Nope, I didn't," Olivia shrugged with a laugh. He was chuckling, shaking his head at her.

"How do you even know I have one?" he asked.

"Because you've _got_ to. At least one. Maybe even two? Three? This show is filled with beautiful people, both men and women, that makes it so easy. Come on, smiley—give it up. Humor me."

He was chuckling and blushing, scratching the side of his face.

"Alright, okay," he nodded. "I think that, um...Melisandre is pretty," he began. "Even though...well, we kind of learn something about her...much later. But anyway, her appearance right _now_. She's pretty."

Olivia nodded. Yeah, she could see it. Melisandre had very fair skin and dark hair, with hints of a darker red as well, but her eyes were lighter. She had _wonderful_ cheekbones, too. She did have a rather striking appearance, she had to give Fitz that.

"So...does Melisandre's appearance...change or something?"

"Uhhh..." he chuckled. "No comment."

"What?!"

"I can't tell you what happens. You don't like spoilers, anyway."

"Okay, you're right, you're right. So…Melisandre…_right now."_

"Yes," he nodded. "I wouldn't say...I necessarily love her character. She's manipulative. But as far as physical appearance goes, I do think she is pretty."

"Fair enough," Olivia nodded. "Robb does some..._stupid_ things too, so I have no room to judge anyone on this show."

"Yeah. Well…a lot of people do stupid things on this show, it's not just Robb and it's not just Melisandre. I mean…people do some…_stupid, stupid_ shit," he nodded, which had her laughing and nodding in agreement.

_She really enjoyed when he swore._

"And...there's one more. She's...she's very pretty, and very smart," he added.

"Ah yes, do go on," Olivia laughed.

"But...we haven't met her yet."

"Oh, not this again!" Olivia exclaimed.

"I'm serious! We haven't!" he laughed.

"Well, what's her name? That's not a spoiler."

"Um...Missandei."

"Ouu, okay. Let's get a good look at Missandei," she said, pulling out her phone.

"Oh, you're gonna—" he noted, looking at her phone. "Okay," he laughed nervously.

"Hmmm. Missandei. Missandei…of Naath," Olivia read.

"Yes," he nodded, peering over at her.

Olivia raised her eyebrows at the woman's picture.

She had beautiful light brown skin, with tight, dark curls that fell just above her shoulder.

She had dark, piercing eyes and pouty lips, and a very defined jawline.

There was no doubt in her mind that Missandei was beautiful.

"Damn! She's got it goin' on!" Olivia nodded. "I whole-heartedly approve, Fitz."

"Oh, well thank you," he chuckled. "I think you will like her. I don't know…what's not to like."

She raised her eyebrows at him, and he started to blush. "What?"

"Nothing, nothing. I just…I see you. I see you," she nodded.

The smile would not leave his face as he looked down at his lap shyly.

"Thank you very much for sharing this important information with me," Olivia nodded.

"Of course," he replied. "This episode's almost over. Do you…wanna call it a night, or watch one more after?"

She looked up at the clock on the wall, seeing that it was just past nine. "What do you want to do?"

"Whatever you want to do."

"That's not an answer, Fitzgerald."

"But…you asked a question and I responded, therefore...it was, indeed, my answer," he shrugged.

She put her palm up to her face, which made him chuckle quietly to himself because he _knew_ he was testing her. Being playful, like they had grown to be with each other.

"Alright. Another won't hurt," she said.

He seemed to enjoy that answer.

"Mkay," he nodded. "Another it is."

* * *

"Hey, should I pick up K tonight?" Fitz asked, as he styled his hair the next morning.

"Yes."

"Okay," he nodded. "You have a late day today?"

"Well, obviously."

He sighed quietly. "Sorry. Just a question."

She gave him a glare and nodded. "I just have a long day today in general. I'm already dreading it. So, yes, it would be helpful if you could grab her."

"Alright," he answered simply. "I'm sure your day will go okay. It'll go fast."

She chuckled, as if that was far-fetched. "Hope so."

He hoped this conversation was over now.

He now had the information he needed from it—that he needed to pick up Karen, so he didn't need it to play out any longer.

Thankfully, it didn't. Not that he expected it to anyway.

He was just happy to get out of the bedroom, which he unfortunately shared with his wife, and go downstairs.

The thought immediately raised his spirits, because he'd get to be with Olivia again. He'd already worked out with her this morning, which had become another favorite part of his days.

Every part that involved Olivia was usually a favorite part of his day.

It was...a problem.

But it was also kind of nice. Before, the only parts of his day he really looked forward to were being with Karen. But now, he was happier much more of the time.

And he was pretty sure Olivia knew that was the case. He wasn't completely positive, but as time had gone on, he knew he'd become weaker in front of her. Weaker in the sense that he was having a harder time keeping what he was feeling under wraps.

When he was with her in front of Mellie and Karen, he never faltered, simply because he was so afraid of_ anyone_ knowing what he truly felt. It was wrong, and complicated, so that fear helped make sure he hid in front of others.

But when he and Olivia were alone with each other, he always slipped. He flirted with her, and he knew it. And he had absolutely no excuse for it.

It just _happened_ when he was alone with her, simply because a lot of times when he was with her, he'd forget a little bit. Forget that she was noticeably younger than him. Forget why what he felt was wrong. Forget that what he wanted could never actually happen. And all of that led to him slipping up.

Although, he never _truly_ forgot. It was in his head constantly—that he wasn't a good man for his thoughts, and that he needed to try his best to stop thinking them. But at least, when he was with her, everything was a little bit better.

She was perfect.

There was just something about her. Actually, a _lot_ of somethings about her. How she carried herself. How kind she was. How happy she was, _all_ the time. How caring she was—especially when it came to Karen. And that was a big thing to him, of course. How she was with Karen.

Karen loved her, and Olivia loved her back. It was so easy to see. And while Olivia was young, she didn't act like it. Or look like, it for that matter.

Collected. Intelligent. Responsible. Driven—_so_ driven. And strong. Her emotional age in no way matched her chronological age.

Her laugh made him crave more. Her smile made him weak. Her body made him think things.

And her heart made him want her.

And he was pretty sure she knew it, and he was pretty sure she felt the same way. She was just very friendly and caring in general, so he had a hard time deciphering if it was just Olivia being Olivia, or if she was..._interested_. This was an area in which he didn't feel super confident.

Women.

Before now, he hadn't flirted with a woman since...well, since his attempt at flirting with Mellie, probably, and he certainly wouldn't say he was good at it. That had been much much different, though. It had been particularly odd—how he and Mellie had begun. It involved jealousy, and his now best friend, Abby.

And at that point in his life, he had not been very experienced in dating whatsoever, but Mellie had made it exceedingly clear she was interested. So that situation had been made easier for him to read and understand, despite how...odd it was.

This situation, though, was still harder for him to read.

However.

While he wasn't super confident regarding women, he certainly didn't brush off the things he thought he was feeling. He had a hard time reading things sometimes, but he also wasn't an idiot.

When they were together, he knew he felt something. He knew it. He couldn't be wrong.

It was so exceedingly there that there's no way she _couldn't_ feel it.

The thought always made him anxious, in both a good and a bad way. Good, because he envisioned how it could be with her. Aside from everyone that would hate it. Aside from what everyone would think about it. He envisioned their relationship as something he could barely comprehend at this point. One in which an intelligent, kind, beautiful woman, actually...loved him. Loved him for who he was in his entirety. One who wanted to talk to him, and spend time with him, and be a _true_ partner.

And the thing that made him happiest about his stupid little visions, was that that woman was Olivia. _Olivia_ was what he envisioned. Not just any random woman who _could_ love him. But Olivia.

She was what he wanted.

On the other hand though, the _bad_ hand, he thought about all its consequences. He didn't want to be unfaithful, despite how god awful his marriage was. Not just because of Mellie, but because of Karen. Karen was the only reason he was married at this point. It made him feel so guilty just _thinking_ about it. If he'd felt okay going and getting involved with any random woman, God knows he would have done it by now.

But he hadn't done that because he didn't _want_ that. He didn't think he was that guy. He didn't want to cheat. He didn't want to break the vow he made nine years ago, because it had been a _vow_. And it hadn't ever been an issue before, because in those nine years, nobody had ever made him feel what he felt now.

Nobody in his entire _30_ years had ever made him feel what he felt now.

He liked to think he was a good man. He really liked to think that. He liked to think he took after his dad, the greatest man he ever knew. The man who made his sweet mother the happiest woman alive, as she always said. To this day, although he was gone, she still always said that she "is" the happiest woman, because he had been her husband. He was her partner, even if he was gone now. She was still blessed to this day to have been married to him.

But lately, Fitz didn't feel like the greatest man.

And aside from hurting his family, there was Olivia to think about.

She had her whole life ahead of her, at least a little more so than he did. It felt selfish to believe, even if this was an entirely okay, _normal_ situation, that she would want to be with someone who was significantly older than her with a daughter and a screwed up marriage under his belt. To him, that kind of felt like a waste for her. He came with...baggage.

Not to mention the fact that he was supposed to be a part of a supportive host family. Not...what he was. Not a man wanting to be _with_ her.

He also didn't know if she really...dated. She was so focused on school, and her future career. She had it _right,_ she really did. But he hadn't heard her speak of any sort of past boyfriend before. Not that she should have, maybe she felt uncomfortable bringing it up, and that wasn't his business, regardless. Either way, though, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable in any way.

The bad definitely seemed to outweigh the good in all of this. Mostly, it was a debate on if he wanted to explore his own feelings, or put them aside for the good of others.

And he always chose others. Always.

So he'd pretty much settled on he was wrong, and he was going to miserably have to deal with his feelings for as long as she was here and just suck it up. Nothing could happen. Nothing could come of it. He had a family. She had a life. That was that.

At least he was happy as hell when he was with her. _That_ was a positive.

And so, he was getting ready for another one of their morning commutes, after feeding Hank some breakfast. One of the times of day he was most happy—the mornings with Olivia.

When he warmed up the car, he searched for Post Malone's most recent album that he'd released in September. He knew Olivia liked that album, he'd seen it come up on her phone when she was searching for songs to play. She picked those songs very _carefully_ now, whenever she played her music in the car, after the whole "Headband" experience.

He looked at his watch, seeing that he was a couple minutes ahead of schedule. So he pulled the car out of the garage and drove right up next to the front door.

After grabbing his phone from his coat pocket, he sent her a quick text.

**Fitz: Car's out front. All warmed up for you.**

He knew she was probably a little more nervous this morning and wanted to make it go as smoothly as possible for her. She had a big presentation today that apparently was worth a huge portion of her grade. She'd been practicing for a week, even giving her presentation a few times to him in the car just so she could rehearse.

She'd also given it to Karen at home, and although Karen had no idea what Olivia's analysis of 'Lord of the Flies' meant, she was a very happy and willing audience member.

It had been pretty cute to witness.

She responded to his text.

**Olivia: Okay! Thanks, I'm coming!**

He waited to see her exit the front door, and then rolled down his window to talk to her.

The bass from Post Malone's "On the Road" took over his car, as he looked at her casually.

"Your ride's here, miss."

She was instantly laughing, getting in the car with the biggest smile on her face.

She had to admit, seeing a sexy man in a suit, waiting for her in a _jag_ on the beautiful roundabout of a driveway, listening to rap._ That_ was hot.

"Why thank you, sir," she replied gratefully. "Very kind of you."

He smiled, looking over her appearance. She was wearing a white coat, but he could tell by the dark jeans and the fancy boots she had on that she looked nice.

Her hair was half up half down, kind of a signature look of hers. She looked beautiful.

"You look nice."

"Thank you," she said nervously, putting on her seatbelt. "I applaud your music choice this morning."

"Thank you," he chuckled. "All for you. I thought it would make you happy on the way in. Get you...get you in the zone for today."

"Very thoughtful," she laughed, letting out a big sigh. "I'm...a little nervous."

"I know," he nodded. "But you'll be great. You're well-spoken, I've heard your presentation dozens of times."

"Thanks, Fitz," she blushed, as they headed to Starbucks. "Coffee on me today, right?"

"Absolutely not," he responded.

"What?!" she exclaimed. "It's Thursday, Thursdays are my day!"

"Not this Thursday. This Thursday, you are going to allow me to buy your extremely caffeinated beverage in celebration."

"Celebration of what?" she laughed.

"That you will, indeed, be great today," he said, as if it were obvious.

She was laughing again, and that made him smile. "Alright. Well, thank you, Fitz. Coffee on me tomorrow then."

"Deal," he nodded.

After a brief drive to Starbucks and then the train station, they were on their train ride into the city.

Olivia had her presentation notes synced on her phone, so she was going over those religiously on the way.

Fitz was leaving her be, knowing she was nervous. So he was reading. Right now, he was reading a book that had just recently come out, called "The Topeka School."

And Olivia, running high on caffeine and nerves, could barely keep her legs still. She didn't even realize, but she started bouncing one knee quickly as she hunched over her phone, reading her notes.

Caffeine and nerves—not always the best combination.

As Fitz was reading, he reached over and put his hand on her knee, steadying it from its very quick and chaotic bouncing.

She instantly realized why he'd done it, and looked over at him.

"Relax," he said gently, not looking away from his book.

"Sorry," she replied with a wince.

"It's okay. Trust me. I understand. Take a break, take a breath," he added.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, shutting off her phone. Taking a break and taking a breath.

She knew what she was doing. She had everything down, she knew she did.

She was just making herself unnecessarily nervous because it was her first big project and presentation at this school, and she wanted to do it right.

As she focused on getting out of her own head, she realized he was still touching her. And not only that, but his thumb was moving gently back and forth across her knee.

It felt not only supportive, but..affectionate. And he didn't even seem to realize he was doing it.

He was still reading his book, like everything was normal. Stroking her damn knee with his thumb as if that wasn't making her internally freak the fuck out.

"Thank you," she whispered to him.

"You're welcome," he nodded, looking over at her with a smile. She flashed him a smile back.

And then he seemed to finally realize what his hand was still doing. He looked down at her knee, and hesitantly pulled his hand away. Like he knew that he shouldn't have been touching her, but also, that he kind of wanted to.

"Sorry," he said quietly.

"You have absolutely no reason to be sorry," she said back.

He nodded thankfully and gave her a smile, before returning to his book.

And so, after another one of those moments, they both shrugged it off. As if it didn't happen and as if it didn't mean at least something.

He continued to read and she pulled out a book as well, knowing she didn't need to make herself nuts with her presentation notes.

After reaching Grand Central and making their way to J.P. Morgan, they said a quick goodbye before they headed their separate ways.

She bumped his fist in the chilly October air, returning the smile that he was giving to her.

"Text me."

"Always," she replied, started to walk the other way. "Have a good day, smiley."

"You too," he said, with a big smile on his face—no surprise.

She made her way to school and he entered his building, both happy to get out of the chilly wind.

Although, they knew it would only get worse as time went on. Olivia, in particular, who was used to _freezing_ North Dakota winters. It wasn't uncommon back home to get multiple days off throughout the winter months simply because it was too dangerous to be outside even for a few minutes due to the risk of frostbite.

It would at least be a _little_ better in New York.

When it came time for her presentation, she remembered Fitz's advice: take a break, take a breath. She cleared her mind and tried to relax, not thinking about anything but calming down. Putting the whole thing out of her mind for even just a few moments.

She wasn't normally one to be so nervous about things, she really wasn't. But this school had been her dream for years, and every grade mattered so much. Not only that, but it was getting to be time to apply early action to schools, and the _entirety_ of this year would matter.

She couldn't slide through it or slack off—that certainly wasn't going to work. She took everything seriously, and she did things right.

And that day she knocked that project presentation out of the _park._ She even got an "exemplary job, Olivia," from her teacher. Who, was a bit of a hardass. But she appreciated it, knowing she was being pushed to do the best she could.

She made sure to text her mother about it, as she'd called her the previous night and they'd chatted about this presentation.

And she smiled when she got a text from Fitz around the same time.

**Fitz: Well? Presentation?**

**Olivia: Went amazing. Thanks for all your help!**

**Fitz: Good work. I knew it. I had nothing to do with it—all you, Liv.**

That left her smiling for the rest of the afternoon.

After a very successful day, in her opinion, she did homework with Huck just outside the gym, where she always did it. There were little sitting areas, and vending machines if you wanted something to eat or drink, so it was an optimal place to do it.

But when Fitz said she could leave whenever she was ready, she had to get ready and go.

"Alright, Huck, I gotta go," Olivia said, starting to pack up her things.

"Ugh. Okay. Wait—is there a Starbucks by J.P. Morgan?" Huck asked.

"Uh-huh. Off Madison," Olivia answered, zipping up her coat.

"Okay. Can I just walk with you? My ass needs coffee. I'm gonna have to pull an all-nighter tonight, I think, if I wanna actually do well on my biology exam tomorrow."

"Huckkkk," she groaned. "Don't pull an all-nighter, it's so bad for you!"

"Ehhhh," he shrugged, grabbing his backpack. "I haven't studied yet, I don't have a choice. I'm certainly not letting my grade drop to an A-."

"Well, perhaps if you didn't stay out with Elliot every night, you wouldn't be in this situation, now would you," she said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Liv. There is no telling how long this thing with him's gonna last and I'm taking advantage of every second of it," Huck said, giving her a smirk.

"Well, you know, this is just a thought," she began. "I love Elliot, however...you and him _could_ go on..._homework_ dates or _study_ dates instead of...hooking up in the back of his truck every chance you get."

Huck scoffed. "Well what on earth is the fun in that?"

Olivia was laughing at him. "Oh, Huck."

"Don't 'oh Huck' me," he said. "And how come you're always the voice of reason _Why? _Why are you so...reasonable?"

She shrugged and laughed. "I'm not sure. I'll work on that, how's that."

_"__Thank you,"_ Huck laughed. "Okay. I'm ready when you are."

"Okay. Actually..." she said, eyeing the vending machine. "Wait, one sec."

"There's no way you're about to have some candy or something. Not after you've become extremely healthy and active on me," Huck replied. "By the way, again, stop being so reasonable. You're literally glowing."

"Thank you," she laughed, giving him a little pose. "I have to admit, I do already feel way better than I did in September. I feel...good."

The working out all the time was already making a difference, she could see it and feel it in her body.

_"__Yeah_ you do. You _look _good, too. If there weren't so many weirdos and gays at this school you'd have your pick, honey," Huck said.

"You're too kind—truly," Olivia laughed, pressing the numbers for what she was getting after inserting her money.

"Okay, seriously though, what are you getting?" Huck asked.

"These...Tropical Skittles. The light blue kind. They're Karen's favorite and they don't sell them everywhere," she said, pulling them out. "They never used to sell them here either. She'll be so happy."

"_And_ you're_ so_ nice," Huck added, sighing. "Woman, you never cease to remind me—where are the _flaws?!"_

"Oh trust me, there are plenty," Olivia said with a laugh.

One being that she really liked this one married man, and for the love of God, couldn't stop it.

"Mmmhm," Huck said doubtfully.

They talked and laughed_ all_ the way to J.P. Morgan. Olivia texted Fitz when they got close, as she always did.

When they started approaching the building, Huck started commenting on Fitz.

"I'm kinda nervous to meet this King of a man. Buys you coffee all the time, lives in a rich ass town, watches 'Game of Thrones'."

Olivia laughed, trying not to be weird about it. She didn't talk all that much about Fitz to Huck, simply because she was afraid if she got to talking too much, Huck would realize she liked him a little more than she should. In fact, she didn't really talk much about him or the Grants to anyone at school, just because she felt better that way. She didn't even talk much about them to her own mother, aside from how nice they were and that they treated her very well. She just didn't want any questions raised ever, so she steered clear.

"Yeah, he's...he's cool," Olivia nodded. She inhaled sharply when she saw him turn the corner of the building, walking a little bit and spotting her. He smiled, continuing to walk to her, with one hand in his pocket and one on the strap of his briefcase.

He seemed to notice she was with someone, and that it was someone he'd never met before, so he looked a little surprised, or confused. One of the two, she couldn't tell.

"Wait," Huck whispered, as they got closer.

"What?" she whispered back.

"Is that him? The brunette dude in the navy suit?" Huck asked

"Yes," Olivia nodded.

"What in the entire fuck!" Huck exclaimed under his breath. "You're telling me I chose the dormitory option when I could have had _that_ as an option?!"

"Oh my god, stop," she laughed.

"Wha-are you kidding me? That's Fitz? That's—oh my god, why have you never shown me a picture?!" he whispered.

_This_ was why. She'd learned the hard way with Shawn that his appearance drew attention, and her goal was_ no_ attention revolving around the Grants. But she didn't say that, of course.

"I don't know, why would I?!" Olivia laughed back.

"Because he looks like _that?!_ I was visualizing some fucking hip 50-year-old or something!"

"Nope," Olivia laughed. "He's...a lot younger than that."

"Oh my god. He makes me want to let straight white men have rights," Huck whispered.

"Shhhh," Olivia giggled. "For the record, though, same."

"Seriously. Oh my god. Okay. I'm cool. I'm cool," he whispered. They had almost reached him, so now Huck remained silent, not wanting Fitz to hear any of his...comments.

"Hey," Olivia finally greeted, when they got close enough for him to hear.

"Hey," he greeted back.

"This is my friend Huck," Olivia said gesturing to Huck. "He just walked with me, and then is...on the hunt for a Starbucks!"

"Oh, awesome, hey Huck. Nice to meet you," Fitz said, reaching his hand out to him. "I've heard a lot about you."

"Nice to meet you...sir," Huck replied—very stumbly. "I've heard a lot about you too!"

"There's um...there's a Starbucks just around the corner, off Madison," Fitz informed him.

"Right, yes, thanks, Olivia told me the same thing," Huck nodded. "Well, I'll let you two head home, and get out of the cold. It was nice to meet you!"

"Yeah, great to meet you," Fitz nodded.

"See you tomorrow, Liv!" Huck exclaimed.

"Yeah, see you Huck," Olivia smiled, giving him a wave.

As she and Fitz turned to walk the opposite way, she turned around and saw Huck looking back at her. He mouthed "oh my god, oh my god, oh my god."

She had to fight back a laugh so Fitz didn't notice.

Even though she didn't want to draw a lot of attention about it, she _was_ kind of thankful that it wasn't just her, seeing what she was seeing. That she wasn't crazy for being into someone older than her. Because so far the friends that had seen Fitz had freaked out over him just as much as she did internally on a regular basis.

"How was your day?" Olivia asked.

"It was good," he nodded. "How was yours? I'm glad your presentation went well."

"Yeah! My day was good. Really good," she nodded happily.

"Good," he smiled. "Oh...hey, those are K's favorite," he said, pointing to the skittles she was still holding.

"I know!" Olivia exclaimed. "I got them for her. They miraculously had them in the vending machine today so I grabbed some for her before Huck and I left."

"You're so sweet," he said. "She will love them."

"Thanks," Olivia blushed. "I knew she would."

He cleared his throat, looking around as they crossed the busy street. "So um...your friend. Huck. Are...you and him? Are you two..."

Oh my God, the man could _barely_ get it out, so she saved him.

"Oh! Oh, no, no," Olivia laughed, shaking her head. "Definitely not. Huck's actually gay, so...I'm not quite his type."

Fitz's cheeks went pink as he stumbled yet again with his words. "Oh! Oh—oh, okay. Right, sorry, I didn't know that."

She felt as though there was almost a sense of..._relief_ in his voice, at the fact that Huck was gay and they weren't a thing.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "I haven't...really had anything with anyone since last year. With...my ex."

She felt a little self-conscious talking about it, but at this point, they knew each other very well, and it was easier.

He turned to her and nodded. And here it was. The mention of a past boyfriend.

"Was it...serious?"

She nodded. "I don't know if serious is the right word, but...I did really like him. We were together for almost a year, till about the middle of last year."

He nodded, as they continued their walk, just about entering Grand Central.

"What happened?" he asked.

"He...moved away," Olivia nodded. "California, actually. He's got a girlfriend there now, and everything. I'm happy for him."

Fitz gave her a reassuring look. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no, it's fine. Believe me, I'm over it now. We ended on totally fine terms. We just...didn't want to do long distance. And he was a nice guy, so...I really do hope he's happy."

"That's very sweet of you, Olivia," Fitz said.

Olivia shrugged and smiled.

"Well, thank you for telling me. I'm sure it's not easy to talk about," he nodded.

"It's okay," she replied. "You're easy to talk to."

That made him smile. "Thanks."

"Mhm."

He cleared his throat and changed the subject. "So um, we've gotta grab Karen on our way back, if that's okay."

"Of course!" Olivia nodded. "I am _always_ okay with that."

"I think she likes it better when you're with to pick her up," he chuckled.

"That's so sweet. _She's_ so sweet," Olivia smiled.

"She is," he nodded happily.

So just a train ride later, they had some time to kill before heading to Karen's school. Not too much, but some.

So they waited a little bit in the parking lot of the train station, and then had to wait about fifteen minutes more by the time they got to Karen's school.

It was dark outside, and the parking lot was almost empty, save for a few cars here and there. People hadn't yet arrived to pick up their children, so it felt like they were kind of a lone car at that point.

They had Fitz's music on now, rather than Olivia's that they'd had on this morning.

Talking to him, with his music on in the background, had become one of Olivia's happy places. A time when she didn't think about much else except him.

Just being with him.

And then a song came on, one that she may have heard before, but she just didn't know. His music library was huge, and it played a variety every day.

It was another by Gavin DeGraw. And the lyrics kind of made her think about Fitz.

It was about feeling a connection with someone right from the beginning, and acting on it.

**I don't care where we sleep tonight,**

**I don't care if it's in or outside,**

**You know what to do,**

**Make a move**

Her eyes widened, not looking over at him. But still knowing that they'd been sitting in a comfortable silence for a while, and that he was listening to the same lyrics she was right now.

**You could throw away your phone,**

**Make believe that we're all alone,**

**I'm talking to you,**

**Make a move, 'cause I'm ready**

Okay—Gavin DeGraw, could you _not?_

It was making her _really_ think. She looked over at him, which caused him to look over at her, too. Like he'd been waiting for her to look first.

Sometimes she wished the song lyrics were true for them. Sometimes she really wished they could just be alone. Really alone.

Not in the basement just below where his wife and daughter were. Not just during their busy commutes. Not just in a car, waiting to pick up Karen.

_Truly_ alone, with no obligations and no interruptions.

She wondered what would happen if that were truly the case. She wondered if he wanted it too.

She knew she shouldn't think about it. But she was, very_ much _so.

It didn't help that the freaking song continued to play, and they continued to stare at each other.

She wanted to make a move, she truly did. Despite everything in her being that was telling her not to do it, she wanted to kiss him in that moment.

Their arms were touching on the center console, and so were the sides of their hands. They weren't that far apart.

She looked from his eyes to his lips, and saw a conflicted look on his face. She didn't know whether or not he was thinking what she was thinking too, but she desperately hoped that he was.

She was going to do it.

He reached for his seatbelt to unbuckle it, and it made her heart about leap out of her chest. She had already taken hers off, so when she watched him take off his, she wondered _why_ he was doing it.

And it became clear, because he started to lean closer.

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she started to lean toward him. It was slow, and she swore she thought about chickening out at least eight times in the span of two seconds.

Not because she truly wanted to back out, but because there would be_ no_ turning back.

But she didn't have to worry about that, because the loud sound of a car pulling in right next to his car scared the living hell out of them.

"Holy shit," he whispered, grabbing her hand on the center console.

"Oh my god," she said, squeezing his hand back, but looking next to her at the other car.

It was some random ass soccer mom, or in this case—volleyball mom, paying absolutely no attention to them. She was now parked, and both eating what looked like a wrap in one hand, and scrolling on her phone with the other.

She'd done one of those really unnecessary wide turns, and parked directly next to them for absolutely no reason. Her bright headlights were shining obnoxiously ahead, too, which had been a bit unexpected. And she clearly didn't have a care in the world about it, but in their previously silent, empty parking lot, it had_ scared_ them.

She could hear his breathing. It was fast, like he was nervous. And she understood, because her heart was still racing as she clutched onto his hand.

She knew now, that the moment had passed. And it both made her terribly sad, but slightly relieved in a way, too.

"That scared me," she whispered with a laugh.

"Me too," he chuckled. "I wish she wouldn't...you know, do three things at once while pulling in super close to my car."

"Yeah, seriously," Olivia nodded, looking over at her.

This woman literally looked as if she could care less about anything right now. And Olivia was kind of pissed at her for it. Thanks, woman.

Olivia would have thought twice about sitting there very clearly gripping this man's hand, but Fitz's windows were heavily tinted so she didn't care to pull away. After all of that, she wanted to feel his hand around hers as long as she possibly could before she knew it would have to stop.

At this point, they were both leaning toward the center console, seatbelts undone, holding on to each other's hand.

But then kids started filing out of the school, a little earlier than scheduled.

All of their parents weren't here yet, so many stayed in little clusters to talk to each other. But Karen saw the jag immediately and started heading their way.

And then a couple other cars started pulling in the parking lot too, and slowly, kids started to file out.

And so now, it was time to stop.

She eyed him and sighed quietly, forcing herself to let go of his hand. He watched her face the whole time as she slid her hand out of his. He looked down at his lap, clearing his throat as he brought his hand back to his leg.

Not long after, Karen opened the back door, greeting them happily.

"Hi dad! Hi Liv!"

"Hey, sweetheart!" Fitz said, smiling back at her.

"Hey, K!" Olivia added.

"How was volleyball?" he asked.

"Fun," she nodded.

"Good. And how about the rest of your day?" Fitz asked.

She shoved her bags forward, then got in and shut the door. "It was good. I forgot my lunch this morning so I had spaghetti from the cafeteria. It wasn't like your spaghetti."

Olivia was smiling and so was Fitz. She was so cute.

"Oh, it wasn't huh?" Fitz asked.

"No," she shook her head.

"Well, we'll have to make up for that next time you're feeling like spaghetti. How's that," he said.

"Mkay," she nodded happily.

"Alright. Seatbelt on?" he asked, buckling his.

"Seatbelt on," she nodded, clicking it in place.

"Liv? Seatbelt on?" Karen asked.

Olivia grabbed hers and buckled it. "Yes, ma'am!"

Fitz smiled over at Olivia and put the car in drive.

And so, their moments in the car had _officially_ ended. But they had certainly been a first.

They went back home and Fitz got started on dinner. Karen went to practice her piano, so Olivia went with her, listening to her and encouraging her. She couldn't play, herself, but she still supported her as best she could. Mellie or Fitz would probably have to truly help her out later. Hank lay at their feet, too, intrigued with the sounds of the piano.

He was such a funny dog.

Mellie got home just before dinner was ready. When they all gathered in the dining room, it was clear Mellie was stressed from work. But of course, Olivia could tell she was trying to appear normal.

"Baby, could you pass those, please," Mellie asked, referring to the homemade mashed potatoes Fitz had whipped up.

Fitz nodded mindlessly, passing her the bowl, while Olivia internally cringed at Mellie calling him "baby." She internally cringed every time she said it now, but didn't show a thing outwardly, of course.

She never did. She was great at hiding her jealousy in front of the family. Jealousy was exactly what it was.

And that evening was no different than any other time she had to hide it. But they all had a good chat over dinner, as they usually did.

After cleaning up the kitchen, Olivia did some of her own homework, while Mellie helped Karen with her piano again. And later, Olivia went upstairs to help Karen with some of her homework, too, upon her request.

As the night went on, she knew she and Fitz weren't going to have the chance to watch "Game of Thrones" that night because they were both pretty busy with work and homework.

Olivia smiled, seeing Karen happily eat her Tropical Skittles as she periodically checked in with Olivia to make sure she was doing her problems right. Every once in a while, she helped her with her math, but for the most part, Fitz tended to help her with that, if she needed it.

Tonight, Olivia was helping her with her science homework. And she had to admit, the level of earth science that Karen was taking was very impressive for a ten-year-old. She wasn't necessarily surprised, based on the amazing private school that she went to. But it was still impressive.

It got to be pretty late. And once Karen had gotten ready for bed, and Olivia had happily agreed to sing a few songs for her, she eventually fell asleep, next to Olivia in her bed.

And Olivia didn't even realize that she, _herself,_ was so tired. But very soon after Karen, she drifted off into sleep, too.

* * *

Fitz trudged upstairs after letting Hank out to the bathroom one more time. He reached the top, seeing that Karen's door was shut. He figured Olivia had gone downstairs for the night and his daughter was asleep.

He felt guilty, and wished he had come upstairs earlier to say goodnight to her while he was immersed in his work. But he also knew she'd been with Olivia for a good portion of the evening, and that made her immensely happy. And it made him immensely happy too. It made him smile, knowing she looked up to Olivia a great deal, and that Olivia cared for her so much.

He entered his bedroom tiredly, knowing that Mellie had come upstairs a little bit ago.

He shut the door, excited to just take a shower and go to sleep.

But that's not what Mellie had in mind.

She came out from the bathroom in her robe, letting her hair out of her bun.

"Hey," she greeted.

"Hey," he greeted back, going to plug in his phone.

_A genuine greeting? Wow._

She came up being him, running her hands down his chest.

He instantly froze. Ah. That was the reason for the genuine greeting.

"Mell," he said, looking down.

"Yes?" she asked.

"I'm tired."

"You've said that the last times, too."

"I'm just not in the mood," he replied.

"Oh come on," she said, reaching down to run her hand over him through his shorts.

"Last time, it was 'raincheck'. This time it's you're 'not in the mood'?" she asked. "I'll do all the work, okay? Please. I just...it's been a really long day, and it's been forever."

He started to turn around to face her so he could gently grab her arm. But that didn't work _at all_, because she nudged him back on the bed as soon as he turned.

"I don't—oof!"

The back of his knees had hit the edge of the bed, and he was now laying there, looking up at her as she started to undo her robe.

He sighed, putting his palm to his face and rubbing his temples. He could still feel himself soft before her, and the thought made him panic, hoping that she wouldn't wonder why after she'd been touching him this long already.

It was the first time in his entire life that he felt _conflicted_. About having sex with his own _wife_.

He couldn't explain what was going through his head, only that it felt wrong, in a way. Before, it hadn't felt wrong because there was only one reason—to get off, and there was nothing else stopping him.

But now, there was someone else. There was someone else he was thinking about, and this didn't feel worth it just to get off. It was all just..._complicated_.

But the problem was Mellie didn't _know_ any of that, and it was _his_ problem. This was his problem that _he_ had to figure out, only he didn't know how. And he didn't know what to do. He truly didn't. But the panic was rising in him.

He _had_ turned her down the last couple times she'd asked, and he could _barely_ get it up right now, thinking of having sex with her, especially when there was actually a true reason that he didn't want to. And he was afraid she'd start to question these things. Question _why _he was being this way. Because in the past, they would have just had sex by now. Even though it happened pretty infrequently, him making up excuses _multiple_ different times still wasn't the norm. He didn't know if she would possibly think to connect these things to any new changes these past months—aka _Olivia,_ but Mellie wasn't an idiot.

This was all becoming so real—his feelings for Olivia, the fact that she had this much of an effect on him that he was having _such_ trouble in this situation right now. It scared him. This all scared him. He felt confused, and nervous, and guilty for various reasons, and he had no idea what to do about any of it.

So he took the easy route. One he knew he would regret. But one that gave him some more time to figure out what he wanted to do, and didn't subject himself to any questioning.

He sat up, and let her pull his shirt over his head.

Now that she truly could see he was willing, she stopped with the lollygagging and pulled down his shorts and boxers.

He had to fight hard not to let his guard down. Not to show his disinterest anymore than he had already shown it. It took insane concentration for him to be able to...make it work.

He couldn't remember when she had taken off her robe. Or when she had sunk down on top of him. Or when either of them had finished. He couldn't even remember. He wasn't paying attention to any of that.

There was only one thing he knew when it was all over.

He'd only had one person on his mind, and it sure as hell was not his wife.

* * *

Olivia woke up next to Karen, and took a minute to realize that she'd fallen asleep upstairs in her room.

Looking down at the sweet little girl, all she could see was Fitz in her. She was truly his mini-me, and it made Olivia smile. She looked so peaceful sleeping there. So gentle. Just like her dad.

Olivia leaned over and pressed a kiss to her curly head, and slipped out of her bedroom, closing the door again quietly behind her.

It was late—she could already tell, just by the lighting in the house. The hallway light was dimmed, and she could tell that the lights downstairs were off, which meant Fitz was in bed.

But as she walked past their room, she noticed that his and Mellie's lights appeared to be somewhat dimmed as well. A lamp was on, maybe. Clearly, they weren't asleep.

Curiosity got the best of her, wondering what they talked about behind closed doors—if anything. Based on what Karen had told her and what she'd noticed herself, she would guess it wasn't much. But she slowed down as she reached their door anyway, being way too nosy for her own good. She knew it.

And she paid the price for slowing down and actively listening. She immediately wished she hadn't.

It was quiet, it wasn't obnoxious or loud. But it was audible enough, passing by the bedroom, that she heard, and knew what it was.

Panting.

A woman's breathing, more audible than a man's. But no matter what, she knew what was going on in that bedroom.

And she wanted to throw up, or cry, or scream. Maybe a combination of all of them, she didn't even know.

She quickly but quietly made her way down the hallway and down the stairs. As _fast_ as she could, but not wanting to alert them that someone was up.

As she made her way down to the basement, she felt a lump in her throat, and the hot tears threatening to spill out.

She knew she didn't have a right to even feel the way she felt. She didn't have a right to be jealous, or upset, or sad. They were husband and wife. They were married, and this was_ their_ home she was staying in. This was_ their_ life she'd intruded on. Of course, they were going to have sex. In theory, it shouldn't have surprised her.

But she had to admit, it did. She hadn't been expecting that at all, and she wished so desperately that she hadn't fallen asleep upstairs, or listened as she passed their bedroom door.

She felt stupid. _So_ stupid. For being naive. For thinking there was anything at all between her and this married man that she shouldn't be into in the first place. For believing that there were hints she was picking up on. For completely reading the signs _wrong._

But most of all, whether she had a right to or not, she felt hurt.

* * *

**Alrightttt. YIKES. I did warn you all, this would be messy. This situation is the _definition_ of messy. Soooo many things going on and so many feelings making them do things.**

**However, no need to worry. It will all be okay, I assure you. They will learn and find their way through the mess. Promise. Just trust me. _Stay tuned for the next chapter._**

**Read on!**

**~T**


	6. Mutual

It was weird.

It was weird working out with him and it was weird on the way to the station.

She tried not to _let_ it be weird. She tried to act as normal as possible. She really tried, because she felt stupid about it all. And at this point, she was just aiming to put it all behind her and start fresh.

It was for the best. This was all so complicated and weird, to begin with. It didn't need to get any worse.

But despite her best efforts to conceal it, which she knew were actually very solid, she was pretty sure he still knew something was off.

She also knew he'd have no idea what it was, given that she was pretty sure he had zero clue she was even upstairs late last night and would have no reason to connect those dots.

And in her mind now, even if he somehow knew she has been upstairs—he'd have no reason to think that would bother her. If there was nothing between them, hearing what she heard wouldn't have an effect on her anyway, besides just being awkward as hell. But it wouldn't be something that would make her upset.

That was her mindset now. Whether she truly believed it, or she was putting up a front to prevent getting hurt even more, she was proceeding as though everything she'd _thought_, hadn't actually been true. There was nothing between them. There never had been. He'd been coming out of his shell with her because that's just what happened when people got more comfortable with each other. There was nothing more there than a friendship.

And that mindset sucked. It really did. But it kind of felt better than thinking he liked her and still had sex with Mellie anyway, _'cause why not_. _Might as well get his fair share of women_, or something.

That _so_ did _not_ seem like the sweet guy she thought she knew. But at this point, she had no idea what to think. Only that her mindset now, was probably for the best, and she knew it would help her get over things more quickly. She didn't need to linger on anything that made her sad.

She had come to New York City for one thing only, and her mind had been beginning to think about more than just school, and her future career. And she didn't need that. She needed to remain focused on what she always had been.

New York City was about one thing and one thing only.

He kind of tried to get her to talk a little more on the train, it seemed like. She chatted and laughed with him back, as best she could.

But eventually, the two just started reading, and that was the end of it.

He asked for her to text her when she got to school as soon as they reached his building, and as always, she assured him that she would.

And aside from that text, she didn't expect to interact with him anymore over the phone until the end of the day came near. But he texted her after lunch, and it caught her off guard.

**Fitz: Hey.**

But she responded.

**Olivia: Hey.**

**Fitz: Is everything okay today?**

**Olivia: Yes, of course.**

She even included a thumbs-up emoji, in hopes that that would do the trick. She _hated_ to lie to him, but she certainly wasn't going to send him a _text_ detailing the truth. What a fiasco that would be—having that in their text messages. _Definitely not an option._

**Fitz: You can tell me if it's not. I am always here.**

And that made her want to cry. But she didn't. She hated crying, actually.

**Olivia: Thanks, Fitz. Everything is okay though!**

The exclamation point made her feel like a fraud.

**Fitz: Okay. I will see you later. Have a good rest of your day, Liv.**

**Olivia: You too.**

She sighed and put her phone away, not even wanting to touch it again until she was forced to text him later after school.

She played it cool enough to where none of her friends noticed that anything was getting to her either. Not Stephen, not Quinn, not Nia, and not even Huck.

And she had told her mom yesterday that she'd give her a call later tonight, so she would also have to be her most cheery self with her, as well.

It would all be fine. She was genuinely a very cheery person, so this wasn't anything new.

It was all her fault to begin with, anyway. It wasn't her fault that she had developed feelings for him. She knew that. But it was her fault for flirting with him, despite the fact that she was so sure he flirted back. It was her fault for entertaining thoughts about him that she could have tried to shut out. And it was very clearly her fault for hearing what she heard yesterday.

Which had been—_disgusting._

So by the time she left school that day, right at 3:00 since it was quieter for Fitz at the office on Fridays, she was feeling like she had more of a handle on her feelings.

She certainly didn't feel happy about any of it. But she didn't really know what option she had at this point, other than to just work on forgetting about it all—if possible.

Fitz, though, definitely wasn't making that easy on her. The passing of a whole day seemed to only make him question more whether or not she was okay.

She really did appreciate his concern, it was sweet, and she knew he literally had no idea what was truly the cause.

But she also wasn't going to just outright say "yeah, dude, heard you and your wife fucking last night. Unacceptable. Can you not do that? Thanks."

She kind of wished she had the guts to say that.

But she didn't want to feel the embarrassment that would come with telling him what was wrong. Because that meant admitting _everything,_ when she wasn't sure it was mutual. And right now, she just didn't want to talk about it, anyway. So she continued to lie.

"Has your day...gotten any better?" he asked, putting his hands comfortably in his suit pants pockets.

"My day's been good yeah," she replied. "How was your day?"

"Um...it was okay. Look, Liv. You just...you don't seem like...Olivia today. And I'm worried. I just want...I want to make sure you know I'm always here for you if you want to talk about anything."

Her heart _could_ have melted.

"Fitz, truly, everything is fine," she nodded. "I really appreciate your concern, and that you're there for me. You're...a really great friend to me. But you don't need to worry."

He scratched his head, looking over at her uncertainly.

"Okay. I just...I can't help but think that...I did something. Please tell me...you know, if I did. Please, I just want to make it right if that's the case," he replied.

It got harder and harder by the second to stay strong. But him "making it right" in this scenario didn't exist. There was nothing right in this situation, or about why she felt hurt. So again, she just tried to stay strong. She'd be fine.

"Fitz," she said, giving him a smile. "Really. Everything is okay. What do I have to say for you to believe me?"

He sighed, adjusting his briefcase strap. "Okay. Okay. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry," she replied. "So how was your day, really?"

"It was okay. I was productive. Just happy it's the weekend now," he answered.

"Yeah," she nodded with a sigh. Now she could just have a nice little break from her commutes with him. She didn't have to see him as much during the weekends if she didn't want to—she practically had a whole basement to herself and could elect to only come upstairs for meals if she really wanted. Or to see Karen, or Hank.

Maybe that was what she needed. A nice, relaxing weekend just to get her mind right.

"Happy it's the weekend too."

* * *

After a quieter-than-usual commute, on the train _and_ in the car, they were finally home.

They didn't have to pick up Karen today, because she didn't have any after-school activities on Fridays. She'd take the bus home, and be home about fifteen minutes after they got home.

Mellie was already home as well, having a nice schedule this Friday.

Olivia greeted Mellie kindly when she walked in the door, despite how much she kind of wanted to...well, send Brienne of Tarth to beat her up or something.

_Okay, stop being mean._

"How was your day?" Mellie asked pleasantly.

"It was good," Olivia nodded. "How was the hospital today?"

"Oh, good. Busy. But...always nice to help people," she nodded.

"We need more people like you in this world, Mellie," Olivia said, heading downstairs.

Internally she was cursing her, but feeling guilty about it.

"You are too sweet, Liv," Mellie giggled. She turned to Fitz and gave him a subtle nod.

He nodded briefly back, and then passed by her without a damn word.

He didn't plan to come back out until Karen got home, and then hopefully he could steer clear of Mellie until he had to make dinner.

The only thing on his mind was Olivia. Something was weird. Something wasn't right.

Today had been off.

She seemed to be…_fine_, it wasn't like she looked or sounded outright _unhappy_. But she wasn't as chatty. Wasn't as cheery. Wasn't...Olivia. Everyone had bad days, he knew that. But it all just felt _off,_ especially when it had been just the two of them together earlier. She seemed fine toward Mellie, he thought.

And once Karen got home, she seemed thrilled to see her. Which, was no surprise. He found himself smiling, seeing Karen run with her little backpack toward Olivia, who'd come upstairs to greet her.

Olivia had gasped, reaching her arms out for her, and Karen had jumped into them. She was little. Little enough to be easily lifted by Olivia in a very happy hug.

Fitz had been smiling by the kitchen, waiting for _his_ hug. He'd made eye contact with Olivia, and she'd been smiling. But pretty quickly after, she'd looked away from him.

That hurt.

After he got his very happy hug from his little girl, and got the low down on her day, he returned to his office.

It was Friday. He sure as hell wasn't going to do any work. But Mellie was chatting on the phone with her mother in the living room, and Olivia was singing while Karen played the piano. He could hear it. Man, K was getting so good at her piano.

And Olivia's voice was as beautiful as ever.

Seeing as though Olivia seemed a little more cheery with everyone else, particularly Karen, it reinforced his thought that _he'd_ done something.

And the only thing he could think of was their moment in the car yesterday.

If that woman in her car hadn't scared the literal hell out of both of them, he would have kissed her.

He knew he would have, because he'd been thinking about it for a day now, wondering what exactly would have happened if he had been given even a few more minutes with her alone in that parking lot.

But they didn't talk much after it had almost happened. They'd had dinner, he'd done some work in his office and she'd helped Karen with her piano and her homework, as well as her _own_ homework. Like the amazing person she was. And then they didn't interact for the rest of the evening, unfortunately. The rest of his evening, in general, had been..._not great_.

But they hadn't talked about it, and he wondered if it had scared her. So now he was just worried. Worried he'd made her uncomfortable, which was exactly what he _didn't_ want to do.

He was just so confused overall, because he could have sworn she was leaning too. He could have _sworn_ she was going to kiss him back. He thought she liked him. He really thought so. He thought there were so many different signs and things she was doing that gave that away. Which then made him think that what almost happened in the car had nothing to do with her less-cheery mood today.

He didn't know at this point. This was all so fucked up—it hurt his head. So he tried not to continue to think about it. But that proved to be hard when all he could hear was her voice singing in the music room for the next hour.

He sat at his desk for a while, putting his head in his hands, leaning his elbows on the wood. Feeling the onset of a headache, which he knew was stress-related. Feeling so anxious. Knowing it had already been one of his bad days, and would likely continue through the night.

He was bouncing his knees under his desk, just like Olivia had been doing yesterday on the train. It was probably one of those times he would have benefitted from his meds, even though he hated taking them with a passion.

His period of deep thinking and _stressing_ was eventually interrupted by a sweet voice outside his office.

"Daddy?"

His head whipped up and he cleared his throat, letting out a deep breath.

"Come on in, honey," he said.

She opened the door and smiled in at him.

"Hey, sweetheart," he smiled.

"Hey, dad."

"What's up?" he asked.

"I wondered...could I go play with Casey later?" she asked hopefully.

"Uh...sure, honey. What time?" he asked.

"After dinner," she said. "And then Susan will drop me back off at home later. Casey told me."

"Okay. Did you talk to mom?" he asked.

"She's on the phone with grandma Maggie," Karen said.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll talk to her when she's done. I'm sure she or I can drop you off."

"Okay!" Karen exclaimed. "Thanks, dad."

"You bet," he smiled. "I'll get started on dinner then."

She jumped up and down excitedly. "Yay! What are you making?"

He got up, coming around and lifting her up in his arms, groaning at her weight as if she was heavy. She was _tiny_. But it made her giggle.

"I don't know. What do you want?" he asked, kissing her cheek and setting her down.

"Mmm. How about the...the chicken pasta Liv is good at making," she said, looking up at him.

He sighed internally. Oh dear.

"Uhh...well, I'm not sure I know how to make that, K. And I don't want Olivia to have to come and make dinner," he replied.

"What about me?" Olivia asked, hearing her name. She had just gotten out of the bathroom, and was heading toward the basement.

"Liv, I wondered if you could make the chicken pasta that you make? From your mom's restaurant?" Karen asked hopefully. "But if you don't want to, that is okay."

She instantly smiled. "Oh, the chicken parmesan pasta?"

"Yes!" Karen exclaimed.

"You don't have to," Fitz mouthed to her, standing behind Karen.

Olivia looked at Karen's sweet face and of course, couldn't say no. Plus, she didn't mind. She enjoyed cooking.

"Anything for you, sweetie. But we've gotta make sure we have everything we need here at the house to make it, okay?"

"Okay! I will help you look!" Karen said. "Dad. You can help too?"

"Sure, sweetheart. I will help too," he chuckled, as they all headed toward the kitchen.

They did, indeed, have all of the ingredients, so they got a start on it. All three of them.

Fitz tried to catch Olivia's eye while they were cooking, but it was to no avail. Either she was so invested in cooking or she didn't care to look at him back.

Mellie was made aware of the details involving Karen and Casey's play date when she was done talking to her mom, and she said she'd take her after dinner. Luckily, Casey's house wasn't very far away.

When dinner was ready, they were all happy because they'd gotten pretty hungry. And that chicken parmesan pasta was _damn_ good.

Fitz hadn't ever had it before, but he was glad his daughter had suggested it because it was delicious. They'd helped her a little bit, but for the most part, it was all Olivia. She'd cooked a little bit for them before, but mostly just quick lunches or breakfasts here and there. Which, had all been good. But this was the first real larger meal she'd made, and he was impressed.

During dinner, he felt like everyone was specifically trying _not_ to talk to him.

He knew that wasn't Karen's intention, at least. She was just caught up in Mellie and Olivia's conversation about "Game of Thrones", and how Mellie was surprised that Olivia liked it so much.

"You know, I do have to say, I didn't think it was going to be this good. I thought it was overrated and didn't deserve the hype," Olivia said. "But I was _so_ very wrong."

Mellie shook her head. "See, I just could not get past the first episode. I tried, I really did. But...it's too vulgar for me," she said.

_Yes, Mellie. We all know that._

"It _is_ very..._graphic,"_ Olivia nodded with a wince.

"Yes. The blood and gore doesn't bother me much. I've seen my fair share at work. But...the storylines! My goodness, everyone is just so...evil!" Mellie exclaimed.

Olivia was kind of laughing in response, and Fitz just kept sitting there eating his dinner in silence.

"When will I be grown up enough to watch, mom?" Karen asked.

"Oh, dear, you would _never_ like it. I assure you," Mellie said distastefully.

"Awww," Karen groaned.

"When you're old enough you can see for _yourself_ if you like it," Fitz said, smiling at his daughter. Mellie eyed him, giving him a fake smile. Inside he knew she wanted to glare at him, but he didn't care.

"Yay!" Karen said, continuing to eat her dinner happily.

He moved his fork around in his pasta, peering over at Olivia with discretion. She was smiling at Karen. And her smile made his heart pound.

He wished she'd just tell him exactly what was wrong. He knew something was, no matter what she said. It was agonizing, not being on normal terms with her.

After dinner and cleaning up the kitchen, Mellie took Karen over to Casey's. Fitz was about to strike up a conversation with Olivia, but she was pretty much instantly dialing a number on her phone, and putting it up to her ear. And then she slipped through the basement door, and headed downstairs.

He had been walking toward her, but immediately stopped, seeing her go downstairs.

He sighed, looking down at the floor. Well, so much for that.

_Bark._

His head turned to Hank, who was patiently sitting by one of the deck doors.

"Oh. Hey buddy. You need to go outside?" he asked. Karen had just fed him after dinner, so he could probably stand to go outside.

His tail wagged excitedly as Fitz approached the door, and opened it for him. And then he sprinted outside and down the deck stairs.

At least Hank made him chuckle. He was a funny, cute little guy.

But seeing as he didn't know what else to do, he went and poured himself a drink, and sat down in the living room to read his book.

Scotch and reading, _that_ was something he enjoyed.

Meanwhile, Olivia was downstairs, chatting with her mom on the phone.

"Well, baby, I'm so happy the presentation went so well yesterday, I knew I had to hear all about it. I miss having our late Friday nights at the restaurant. Re-hashing our weeks."

"I miss those too, ma. I really do," Olivia nodded sadly. "And I miss you!"

"I miss you too! I have to admit, I'm _still_ adjusting to having the house all to myself. Frankie comes by a lot, too. He says it's to make me feel better, but I think _he_ misses you and needs the company too!"

Olivia was laughing and smiling at the mention of her sweet uncle Frankie.

"Aww! Well tell uncle Frankie I miss him back, I really really do. I texted him a few days ago about one of my English papers but he's still not a very good texter," she laughed.

"No, he is _not," _Marie replied, laughing. "Trust me, I get on him for that. He prefers written communication or...phone calls."

"I know he does," Olivia laughed. "Well, I can't wait for Thanksgiving break so I can see you all again. I can...I can work as many shifts as possible when I come home, too, and pay for my flights there and back."

"Oh, _nonsense,"_ Marie said immediately. "You just...you don't worry about it. You don't worry about a thing, I will take care of it."

Olivia sighed. "Are you sure, mom?"

"Yes, I am sure. I'm your mother. It's my responsibility. You don't need to pay for none of that, you already have paid for so much that I wish you hadn't needed to."

"Oh, mom," Olivia replied. "This was my dream. And...it certainly hasn't been cheap. I am more than happy to contribute in any way possible."

"I know that, baby, I know," Marie nodded. "And I love you for it. But don't worry about it. Any time you wanna come home, you just say so and I'll book your flight right then and there. I miss my baby."

"I miss you too, mom," Olivia smiled. She'd learned that her mother certainly never seemed to tire of hearing that she missed her. She didn't think parents would _ever_ tire from hearing that.

"Of _course_ you miss your old mom!" Marie exclaimed, which had Olivia laughing. "So...everything's still been going okay there? You're still liking it?"

_Well. Been a little shaky recently._

"Yes," Olivia nodded. "I love it here."

But that was still 100% true. New York was still the best.

"Good. I'm really so happy you do. That family still being kind? Still treating you how they should?" Marie asked.

"Oh yes. They're a wonderful family," Olivia nodded.

"Good. That's all I care about. I knew that would be a good option for you. Makes me feel a little better knowing you've got nice people there to come home to and help you out," her mom said.

_Oh_ lord, if she only knew the full extent of this family. But she didn't want to worry her mother, ever. She had so much to deal with at home, and Olivia didn't _ever_ want to add to that.

"Yeah. Well, I'll let you get back to work, mom. I'm gonna...get ready for bed. Take a bath. Have an early Friday night, I think. It's been a long week!" Olivia said.

"Oh, honey, I feel you there. That sounds like a _wonderful_ evening," Marie said. "You have a good night okay, baby?"

"Alright, you too mom. Bye, I love you."

"I love you, Livvie."

Olivia hung up the phone, thinking she did pretty damn well with that conversation.

In all reality, though, she still felt pretty down. She'd been faking it in front of people all day, and it felt good knowing she was going to relax and take a break from all that and just be alone now.

She plugged in her laptop so it was charged for the weekend, and hung up her backpack on her coat hook. She was about to start getting ready to go take a bath, but then she heard the basement door open, and the TV turn on.

And she knew instantly who was downstairs. Karen was at Casey's, and she'd heard Mellie come home from dropping her off a little bit ago, but never once had Mellie come down to watch TV.

There was only one person who did. And he just knocked on her door.

Her eyes wandered to her door, wondering if she could _not_ answer it.

She sighed._ You have nowhere else to go, Olivia._

She walked slowly over to her door and opened it a little bit.

"Hi," he greeted, looking in at her.

"Hi," she greeted back.

"I was just seeing if you were off the phone," he said.

"I am. What's up?"

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Um...how come?" she asked.

"Because. I'd really like to talk."

"About what?" she asked.

She knew. But she tried to conceal. Continued to put up a front that she was beginning to think wasn't _ever_ going to work.

"Please. Just...please," he said.

And that face. That look. Those eyes.

Those pleading, beautiful blue eyes._ Goddammit._

She hesitantly let him pass her into her room, feeling as though she might regret it.

Despite how long she'd been staying here, he had never really come into her room like this. Not since the first day she was here, when he'd brought her things down here for her.

He tended to steer clear, seeming as though he didn't want to intrude on her space. But clearly, his reason for doing so tonight had him feeling a little more brave.

"Something's not okay. Something...is wrong. And don't tell me that _I'm_ wrong, because I'm not, and I know it," he said quietly, looking down at her.

She realized now, too, why he had turned on the TV. Not to watch it, but so that it would provide some additional sound so that they could have a more private conversation. Mellie was on a completely different level, anyway. But he clearly wanted to be able to talk more _freely _without having to worry_. _Only she_ didn't want to._

She sighed. "Fitz, I just don't want to talk about this, okay? Can you please just respect that?"

He looked at her so confusedly. And she really did feel bad, because he didn't have the slightest damn clue and genuinely wanted to know—she could see it. But she didn't know what to say, and even if she did, there would be no turning back. There would be no rewinding after she said it.

"Please," he begged. "Why won't you just tell me? I just...I just want you back."

Her heart about stopped. God, if he wasn't so precious this would be a _lot_ easier.

She sighed, looking down at the floor. Debating. Thinking.

"All I'm asking is to know what I did so I can make it right. I feel like...that isn't too much to ask. Right?" he added.

"Fitz, you can't...make any of this right. Trust me, _none_ of this is _right,"_ she sighed.

"Try me," he replied.

"This just isn't something I want to talk about. And I'd really appreciate it if you just...left me be for a while, okay?" she asked, heading to the door and opening it further for him.

It hurt _so bad_ to be this way with him. But she didn't know what else to do.

He, however, still didn't back down, anyway.

He came closer to her, so she figured he was listening to her, and going to leave.

But instead, he reached out right beside her and pushed the door closed again.

"No."

She looked at him in _awe_. He was standing so close to her, looking down at her with such a hurt look on his face.

But she felt hurt too. And she was beginning to want to let it out, because he _wasn't_ listening to her. He was being more stubborn than she ever thought he could be.

"Fitz," she began shakily.

He stood there, waiting. Waiting for an answer that she didn't want to give to him.

"I do not...want to talk about this," she said again firmly. As firmly as she could. But although she absolutely hated crying with every fiber of her being, she could feel the tears threatening to spill out again.

"Why?" he asked firmly back. "There has to be...some sort of reason?"

"Because I feel...so fucking stupid about it. I feel embarrassed. And naive. And God forbid I want to...I don't know, keep my _dignity_ in-tact with you, Fitz."

"Keep your dignity in-tact about _what?" _he asked. "Olivia, I'm sorry, I'm just...I'm _so_ confused! I've been confused about this all day!"

"Yes, _I'm_ confused too, Fitz. Trust me. The confusion is _very_ prominent on my end!" she nodded.

_"__Why?!"_

And just as she often did when faced with the opportunity to spend more time with him, she _crumbled_. Only this time, it was that she succumbed to his begging and pleading, and finally let out the emotion that had been building inside her since last night.

"Because I thought I was _feeling_ things, Fitz!" she exclaimed quietly, feeling a tear roll down her cheek. "That's why!"

She quickly wiped the tear away, and composed herself, letting out a big sigh.

And just like she'd known and feared, she had now hit a point of no return. She couldn't take that back. And whether or not she was ready for it, she felt the need to prepare for a whole lot of embarrassment in the coming minutes.

The look on his face softened, and he looked at her curiously.

His heart was _pounding_. "What?"

"I thought," she began, taking a breath. "I thought I was feeling things. With you. And...I thought you felt them too. But I was so incredibly wrong, and now...now I just feel _so_ stupid—"

His lips parted in surprise and he studied her face, shaking his head as she was beginning to ramble. She rambled quietly though, just to be safe.

"_Wait_. Liv. No, just—"

But she wasn't hearing him now. She was rambling, her sadness hardening into a more annoyed anger. All of the emotion she _didn't_ want to let out, was now coming out in chaotic waves.

"—We've had so many moments. I thought...I thought they were _signs_. I thought I was _reading_ the signs. I thought it was mutual. And I thought we were going to kiss in the car, yesterday—and...and then I fell asleep upstairs. I fell asleep upstairs last night. In Karen's room—"

Now his eyes widened at what she was telling him, because he very unfortunately remembered last night, and the thought that she had been upstairs at the same time had never crossed his mind.

"—I...I passed by your door and I heard. I heard something I _didn't_ want to hear and it just made me realize that I'm so stupid—"

"No," he said, shaking his head at her. Understanding now, what was so wrong. Panicked, because she didn't know the full story. That wasn't what she thought it was. He shook his head sadly at her, wanting to spill everything in his heart to her right then and there. "No, wait—Liv. _No_. I can explain. Please listen to me—"

"—Because of course, you could never be feeling what I'm feeling. I'm an idiot. You're married, and you have a family, and I'm just—I'm so stupid for thinking this was _ever_ mutual—"

She was cut completely off by his lips, and his body. He pushed her against the door so hard that she actually felt a stab of pain in her back. But the pain wasn't number one on her mind.

Because he was now pressed so tightly against her body, pinning her against the door, and his lips were on hers.

That single kiss had only been to shut her up, because she'd been rambling and wasn't stopping.

But then his mouth was opening against hers. Deepening the kiss in a matter of seconds.

And she couldn't stop herself from kissing him back, no matter how hard she tried.

She was still so hurt, and _confused_. But the second his lips were on hers, she couldn't pull away. There was no way she was going to be able to do it. She'd wanted it for _months_. And now it was finally happening.

She opened her mouth against his too, both of them breathing each other's air. His hand slid along the surface of the door, feeling for the handle. When he found it, his fingers fiddled with the lock and he turned it until it clicked.

Hearing it gave her goosebumps. Just the two of them, alone, making out behind a locked door. Something she could have never actually foreseen.

"It's mutual," he murmured, pulling her upper lip into his mouth gently. "It's so mutual."

She crumbled even more after that—even more confused about everything. But that's not what her brain was focusing on. All she could focus on right now were his lips. How soft they were, and how good they felt. How fucking good at this he was despite the fact that she never would have expected him to do something like this.

She just stopped thinking about it all, and let her body take over.

For better or for worse.

His hands found their way to her face, cupping her cheeks as they made out _hard._

But he couldn't keep his hands still. He found her hands and slid them up against the door on either side of her head. Pressing his fingers into the crevices of her own, and allowing them to intertwine with his. His hands were so big, completely taking over her much smaller ones.

It was clear now, that they'd both wanted this. Because it was happening and it was _not_ stopping.

It only got more desperate. They were both panting—desperate for air but neither wanting to pull away from each other.

Her heart was beating out of fucking control, and she almost wondered if he could feel it beating against his chest.

His fingers unhooked themselves from hers and he let his hands slowly wander, from just under her arms, all the way down to her hips.

It made a moan escape her lips, feeling him touch her like that. And the second she moaned into his mouth, he just about shuddered, and moaned back.

Never in her life had she experienced a kiss like this. And it just kept going, despite how excessively the two were breathing now.

But he finally, _finally_ pulled away, going right to her neck. Her fingers were in his hair, stroking his scalp as he trailed kisses down her soft skin. She knew she was messing up the curls that were getting so long these days, and the product that was in his soft hair. She'd always wondered how his hair would feel, and now she knew.

Her eyes were closed, as she lifted her head up as much as she could to let him do whatever he wanted to do to her neck. She had surrendered all control to him, and she hadn't even really meant to. But her whole body was _responding_ to him.

He found her lips again, kissing them a few more times. And finally, they began to truly slow down.

Both were still breathing heavily, needing very much to catch their breath. So they did, while he leaned his forehead down against hers, steadying himself with his hands on her waist.

They both opened their eyes slowly, studying each other. Seeing how the other was responding after that. She knew she probably had a look of complete awe on her face, because in no scenario would she have ever seen that coming. He kind of looked surprised, himself.

"Was that...okay? Was it okay that...I just did that?" he whispered, chest moving up and down quickly.

She panted and nodded slowly at him. "I've wanted to do that for a long time."

He let out a big breath, resting his head down into her shoulder and bracing himself against the door. Keeping his body as pressed to hers as he could.

"God, me too," he whispered.

"You can understand, though, why I am...even more confused now," she whispered.

"Sorry," he immediately replied, shaking his head. "I should have...led with that. I'm sorry. I don't—this was not my plan, at all. That kind of came out of nowhere, and I'm sorry," he said. "I mean, not that...not that I _didn't_ want that to happen. I would very much like that to happen again. I just—"

She was letting out a little laugh now at his stumbling.

"Sorry," he said again, scratching his head and giving her a shy smile. "You make me so nervous, Olivia."

"Yeah, I think I can see that now," she whispered.

He nodded and took a deep breath, making eye contact with her. "I'm sorry I didn't catch on as to...what was up today. I had no idea this was the reason, and I'm so sorry about that."

She nodded. "There's...no way you could have known, I understand that. I'm sorry that I didn't want to tell you, but I think you can understand why I didn't want to."

_"__Yes." _he replied. "_Please_ don't...apologize for anything. You don't need to, I am the one that's sorry. I am so truly sorry for that, I completely understand why you're upset, and the _last_ thing I ever want to do is upset you. You mean..._so_ much to me. I need you to know that."

She nodded slowly, waiting for him to continue, because now she _really_ did need an explanation.

"Last night wasn't what you think. I promise you that. I...explaining this to you will probably make you a little uncomfortable, and I'm sorry about that. But...you deserve to be explained to."

She nodded. "I can handle it."

He licked his lips and let out a deep breath. Here went nothing. "Mellie and I...we don't have the greatest marriage. It's...not good. I don't know if you've been able to tell, or not, but it's not and never has been."

She nodded. _Yes. She had, indeed, noticed that._

"We don't...do that much. It's very rare. This feels like...just the worse possible timing I've ever experienced in my life," he said, looking at her nervously. "I'm sorry. This is...I know you don't want to hear this."

"No, it's okay," Olivia nodded. "Tell me. I want to understand. I need to."

He sighed, and continued. This was _so_ weird. But he knew at that point he was just going to have to go for it, because there was literally no other way he could explain, and he wanted her to know the truth.

"It's..._very_ infrequent, and it's never _ever_...meant anything. It's just happened every so often, because...we're married," he said.

"Okay..." she nodded.

"But...ever since you've been here, I've been...feeling things. I feel things that I've never felt with her—never felt with...with _anyone_. So I've turned her down...because of _you, _Liv," he whispered. "I didn't want it to happen yesterday either, believe me. I...I wish I could prove that to you, and I know that I can't," he sighed. "But I was afraid, Olivia. I was afraid of her wondering why I was saying no _again_. I was afraid that...there's only so many times I can turn her down before she starts to question. I was afraid. I _am_ afraid. Because there's only one thing that's changed in the past few months, and...that's you. And I didn't want her to have any chance of making that connection."

She listened intently, hearing everything he had to say. Nodding slowly, and trying to understand what went through his head.

"So I didn't turn her down. I hoped that it would keep her at bay and I could...have more time to try and figure this out—what I feel for you. I...I know it probably sounds like some stupid, typical excuse a guy makes up or—or something, and I wish there was a way I could prove to you that that isn't the case. I'm sorry about that. I wish I had a better answer for you, I really wish I did. But that's...that's the whole truth. I wish...so badly that I hadn't upset you. And I understand if you don't believe a word I just said because...you have every right not to."

She stood there in thought. Thinking. Processing. Studying him.

"I believe you."

And she really did. This entire situation was crazy. But he was looking her in the eye, telling her very personal things that he knew would be uncomfortable to tell, _and_ to hear.

And he was very _visibly_ worried. Shaken. Anxious.

Afraid.

And she understood that.

"And I'm afraid, too," she whispered.

He sighed, leaning his forehead down against hers. "I wish you didn't have to be. I'm so sorry that...I've put you in this situation. This is my fault."

She shook her head. "This isn't anyone's fault. It just...is what it is. But I think I'm the one that should be sorry about the position _you're_ in._ I _am sorry. You have a family. You have...a _wife. No matter_ what, this will never be right, and we both know that."

He nodded, biting his lip. "I'm terrified, Olivia. I don't...I don't know what to do. I'm consistently met with the fact that I don't know what to do."

"I know," she whispered, cupping his cheek. "I get it."

"I've never done this before," he whispered, studying her pretty, brown eyes. "This is new territory to me. I don't...I don't do this, Olivia. I want you to know...I'm not that guy. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't...I don't have a _plan_ here."

She nodded, hearing the full, nervous truth come out. And she could relate. It felt so good to talk about it with him, truly. Even though they'd probably just gotten themselves into a way bigger mess, and they very clearly had no idea how to proceed. It felt good to talk about all of it. _Finally_.

"Neither do I. This keeps me up at night, Fitz. It makes me..._question_ myself. I never would have thought I'd be in a position like this, I _really_ never would have thought this. But I can't...help it, I've tried. I just fucking...like you, and I don't know how to _stop_ that. If I could...I would have stopped long before now."

He chuckled quietly, smiling down at her and seeing her beautiful smile in return.

"Unfortunately, I don't think any of this is that easy," he said.

"No, I don't think so either," she whispered, laughing.

"I like you too," he whispered. "So much. I can't even...describe. You just...you are all I think about. And I'm sorry this is what happened...in order for me to tell you."

She smiled slightly and shook her head. "Yes. _I_ am sorry about that too. I would prefer to...erase that from my brain, but...it was my fault that I heard it. So...I blame myself, there."

He winced, and leaned his head against her shoulder. "God, I'm sorry."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and kissed his temple. Pausing, and feeling him relax at the small bit of affection she had shown him.

"It's okay."

He sighed into the fabric of her shirt. Feeling _so_ comfortable with her right then and there. Wrapping his arms around her petite body, breathing in her wonderful scent.

"This whole time, I thought maybe...I had scared you. Because of...what almost happened in the car yesterday," he whispered.

She pulled back, and so did he.

"Uh, that crazy lady _ruining_ our moment?" she asked.

_"__Yes,"_ he chuckled.

"Oh, no, that did the opposite of scare me," she shook her head. "Well...okay, the _lady_ scared the hell out of me, but you didn't. I was most definitely going to kiss you. I don't know about you, but—"

"I _was_. I was getting _ready,"_ he nodded. "I took my seatbelt off and everything."

"I _know_ you did," she giggled.

"I think that would have been...a little bit of a less aggressive first kiss. I'm sorry that chance was...taken away," he said, laughing.

"Yeah, you know, you were a little aggressive, Fitz," she teased, watching him chuckle and blush. "I really felt it in my back."

"I'm _so_ sorry," he said, chuckling at her and rubbing her back. "I was...I was just as surprised as you were, I think."

"Well, I am happy you...surprised us," she whispered, meeting his eyes.

"Me too," he nodded.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers again, giving her a few more good, long kisses. And then he wrapped his arms around her in a hug.

So there they stood, in each other's arms in her bedroom. Having absolutely no idea where they were going to go from there.

They had no plan, and _no_ idea what they were doing.

All they knew now, after being completely uncertain these last months, was that all of this, was mutual.

* * *

**Whewww. Well, the messiness continues.**

**Where y'all expecting that?**

**You'll have to see how this plays out and how they deal with it. I can tell you all right now, that it's not going to be easy. This situation makes that impossible. But they will learn!**

**I hope you're enjoying the ride so far.**

**Also, you will get the backstory on Fitz and Mellie very soon. It's coming!**

**Read on!**

**~T**


	7. A New Direction

"I'm going for a quick run. And then Harmony wanted to go shopping today. Look for new dishes or something," Mellie sighed, coming out of the bathroom. She was now dressed for her run in the chilly weather.

Fitz was getting dressed for the day, too. It was Sunday, so he was just putting on something casual. Jeans, and a red flannel shirt that seemed warm.

He stripped the T-shirt he was wearing over his head, as his mind raced. Thinking of someone else, who was currently downstairs at the moment.

Feeling guilty in the presence of Mellie, as he'd learned was now a daily thing, ever since he and Olivia had admitted what they'd admitted. Ever since they'd kissed.

And also, genuinely wishing he was _not_ in the presence of Mellie. Which, he had learned was a daily thing over nine years ago.

But all of what he was thinking about while he stood there, half-naked and attempting to find an undershirt, did _not _include whatever Mellie was saying right now.

"Fitzgerald."

His full name caught his attention, though. It always did.

"Huh?" he asked, turning around to look at her.

"Did you hear a word I just said to you?" she asked.

"No," he answered honestly, pulling an undershirt over his head.

She sighed dramatically. "I told you I'm going out shopping with Harmony after my run."

"Oh. Yeah. Alright," he nodded. As if he cared. "I'm gonna...do a grocery run today."

"Okay," Mellie nodded. "Can you remember to grab oatmeal please?"

"Yes."

"Thanks," she muttered, adjusting her winter headband over her ears.

And then she was gone. Which was relieving.

He finished getting dressed and went to continue getting ready—shaved, styled his hair—everything.

He ran his product-covered fingers through his thick hair, remembering how it felt for Olivia to do what he was doing right now. Remembering how buried her fingers had been in his hair. It took him back to two nights ago, when they'd been in her bedroom. He'd recently been finding every reason he could to think about it, despite the fact that it made him feel guilty, too.

It was so conflicting for him. It had been bombarding his brain for the past two days, and he wondered if that would truly ever get better.

Who knew. _Could being a cheater ever really sit right with you?_

He sighed. Probably not if you had a conscience.

But...she felt so good. Everything about her felt so good.

Talking to her. Being with her. Hugging her. Kissing her. Touching her. It was like this little bubble of his life where he felt _good_. The thoughts about himself and the fear about what kind of man he was, sucked. And rightfully so, he deserved to feel guilty for eternity, probably.

But Olivia.

There wasn't even really anything to say. Just...Olivia.

She'd already had quite an effect on him before Friday night had happened. But in these past two days, it was like everything had kicked into fucking _overdrive _or something.

It was as if his body knew that she felt the same thing he felt, and was now making sure he thought about it every single time he was in her presence.

He didn't think he'd gone even half an hour without feeling goosebumps, his heart racing, butterflies, or a mix of all of them. Both when he was with her, _and_ even when he wasn't.

It was weird, and different. But it was also kind of...nice. It was nice to know he could feel these things. After all this time, he really wasn't sure he could. He'd certainly never felt them before—not about a person.

But Olivia. She made him feel.

Just the thought of going downstairs right now and seeing her, made him start to smile to himself, as he smoothed aftershave onto his now freshly shaved skin.

He checked in on Karen to see what she was up to first, peeking his head through her slightly open door. She was laying on her stomach on her bed, kicking her little legs back and forth as she read a book. She was slightly mouthing the words to herself, and it made him smile.

Hank was laying next to her on her bed, taking a little nap. Just her and her pup—it was a pretty cute sight.

She was so invested in her book that she didn't even notice him peek his head in, so he decided not to disturb her reading and quietly headed downstairs.

The main level seemed empty, so he ventured to the basement, heading to see Olivia again. He'd seen her for breakfast earlier, but then everyone had gone to get ready for their days, it seemed. Or apparently, to read a book, like his little girl.

His heart started pounding as he went down the stairs. He literally hadn't had a moment alone with her since Friday evening, because they'd all practically spent the entire day together yesterday, which left no room for moments alone. And frankly, he was okay with that, because he was very content to take things slow.

He didn't even know what he was doing. He_ still _had no idea. And actively trying to sneak around his own home with his wife and daughter under the same roof, first of all, would make him feel even worse about himself. And second of all, wasn't easy, either. So he didn't actively try to do that, and clearly, neither did Olivia.

This was just the first time where Mellie was now gone, and Karen was invested in a book upstairs.

He opened the basement door, turning right to the hallway that held her bedroom. Her door was closed, so he reached out and knocked.

"Liv?" he asked.

Moments later, she opened the door, wearing nothing but a robe around her body. Her hair was all taken out of the braids that he was pretty sure she wore to bed every night. It was so curly. It was so _beautiful_.

Her face was completely bare, with no makeup on yet, and he loved it.

It distracted him from the state of her body, which was covered only with a soft layer of fabric that was a little more open near the very top.

Her pretty face broke into an instant smile when she saw him outside her door.

"Hi," she said, smiling at him.

"Hi," he greeted, flashing her a smile back.

"Aren't you extra smiley today," she laughed.

He looked down at the floor, feeling himself blush. "Uh…yeah," he chuckled. "Yeah. Um…sorry. I can…I can let you get dressed if you want, I didn't mean to interrupt you getting ready or anything."

"Oh, no, don't worry about it," she replied with a shake of her head. "You're not interrupting anything. What's up?"

"I'm uh…I'm heading to Whole Foods here pretty quick. Mellie's on a run and then is going shopping with her sister after so, I was just wondering if you would be alright to stay with K for a little bit?"

She smiled. "Oh, of course! It's actually wash day for my hair, so I'll be staying put. It usually takes up a decent portion of my Sundays."

And that rang a bell with him. Now that she mentioned it, he definitely had noticed that much of her Sundays were spent downstairs. He had no idea this was why, but that made a lot of sense.

He nodded. "Ohh, right, yeah. I...noticed that," he said, which made her smile at him. "So, um, before I go...do you have anything you want me to add to the list?"

"You know, I think I'm good. K's out of veggie straws, though, I do know that," she said, trying to rack her brain.

"Yep, got those," he nodded, scrolling through the list on his phone.

"Okay. Otherwise…nothing for me," she nodded. "Thanks for checking!"

"Yeah," he smiled. "Okay. I'm...gonna go. I'll let you be. Let you…have a nice, relaxing _wash_ day."

"Thank you very much," she laughed. "You'll be back right after, though, right?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"Good," she smiled.

He bit his lip, looking at her pretty smile.

Fuck. He didn't _want_ to go.

"Um," he began, eyes wandering back up to meet hers. "I, um…you know, can I actually come in for just a second?"

She wasted no time opening the door wider for him. Like she'd been waiting for him to ask.

As soon as she shut the door, the two just looked at each other, waiting for the other to fucking do it already.

He was the one that ultimately went for it.

He tossed his phone carelessly on the bed, and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers.

He could feel her beginning to smile against his lips, and it made him smile back. He gave her a few long kisses, letting his lips linger for as long as he wanted. He kept his arms firmly around her waist, never letting them wander, especially because she was in only a robe.

He wanted to do everything in his power to make sure she felt comfortable with him. And right now, it seemed like she couldn't be _more_ comfortable. She was in his arms, pressing her lips to his. With a big smile on her face, as soon as they pulled away.

"Hi, for _real_," she whispered, looking up at him.

"Hi," he whispered back with a smile.

He touched his lips lightly to hers again, watching her eyes light up as he did it. His heart could barely take it. So he did it again, and again. Feeling the way both of their bodies responded. And the way his_ heart_ responded.

"I missed you," he whispered.

"I missed you too," she said. "I've seen you all weekend, and yet…I know exactly what you mean."

He nodded, looking over her face. "You make me…_hate_ the weekends. I've just been waiting and waiting for it to be Monday. So I can…spend actual time with you again."

Her smile grew impossibly bigger. "I think that is…the _highest_ level of compliment I've ever received in my life. _'You make me hate the weekends.'"_

They both started to laugh.

"It's true," he chuckled.

"Likewise," she smiled. "Although I have to say, I'm really digging this weekend attire, almost as much as your suits during the week. I'm a fan of the red," she said, running her hand down his red, flannel shirt.

"Thanks," he blushed. "I like...your robe. It's very soft," he said, feeling the fabric.

"Why _thank you,"_ she said.

"You're welcome," he smiled.

He leaned in and kissed her again, without warning. And then he kissed both of her cheeks, feeling content when she let out a little laugh.

"Okay. I'll actually let you be now. Sorry. I just wanted to...I just wanted to do that," he said.

_"__I _wanted you to do that," she nodded, looking up at him. "Hurry back from the store."

He chuckled. "Okay. It'll just be us three for lunch. Are you...hungry for anything?"

"You are amazing, do you know that? You make a fantastic breakfast, and now you're already asking about lunch. You know what that is?"

"What?" he asked.

_"__Powerful,"_ she whispered.

"You make me laugh," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"That is one of my goals, honestly," she nodded. "I'm pretty sure every time you laugh, a baby is born."

Now he was really laughing, leaning his head down on her shoulder.

Her whole body warmed, feeling him that close, and listening to him laugh. She couldn't stop smiling, running her fingers through the hair on the back of his head.

"God. I...," he began, before letting out a big sigh. "I really like you."

"_I_ really like _you," _she replied, curling her fingers in his hair. "So much, Fitz. I can't even explain."

He sighed, looking longingly at her. "Okay. Okay...I'm going to go now _for real_. But I'll...hurry back."

"Okay," she laughed, standing on her tiptoes to peck his lips.

He pressed his lips to hers back, closing his eyes and squeezing her tightly in a hug before he had to grab his phone and go.

After _many_ additional kisses, he finally left her bedroom and the basement. He honestly was debating not even going to the store, but he knew he had to, and that she had her Sunday routine, anyway.

So he checked in with his little girl first, and made sure she didn't have anything else she needed or wanted, and then went to the store. He checked off items on his list as fast as he could, but made sure he didn't forget anything.

Even Mellie's friggin oatmeal.

Meanwhile, Olivia was having a relaxing Sunday, taking a nice, long shower. Afterward, her hair was freshly washed and conditioned, completely detangled, and looking as curly and bouncy as ever.

She completed her whole post-shower routine; including her eye cream, face lotion, and body lotion, all of which left her feeling very refreshed and moisturized. She put on a touch of makeup, but otherwise didn't like to go heavy on the weekends, unless she was actually going out somewhere.

When her hair was just damp, she applied coconut oil to her curls, and then officially got dressed for the day. Her Sunday attire entailed a pair of leggings and a cozy white sweater.

Sweaters, especially in the fall, were her _favorite_.

That took up the majority of her fall and winter wardrobe, in all reality. She had a little more space in her walk-in closet to hang them up here in New York. But back home, she used to have a massive pile of sweaters on the top shelf of her closet.

Many times, picking a single one out of the pile had caused it to topple over onto her. She was a sweater hoarder, that was for sure.

And now, all showered and moisturized, and ready for a nice day in, she was feeling extra cozy.

Mellie and Fitz had both come home long before she was truly done with everything, but Mellie had left right away again to go shopping, and Fitz had been preparing lunch upstairs. She could hear him.

But he'd come down once to check in with her that what he was making was okay with her.

He was so cute. Truly.

And _brilliant_ in the kitchen. Who casually made shrimp tacos on a Sunday for lunch? Apparently, Fitz did.

And she made sure to tell him that it was _more_ than okay with her, because shrimp was her favorite. He already knew—it had come up a while ago while they were getting to know each other during one of their commutes. Shrimp _anything_, was a favorite of hers.

So he called her up for an early afternoon lunch, and she came upstairs all ready for the day.

She walked past Karen, who was currently talking to Fitz by the kitchen island, and Karen stopped as soon as Olivia passed her.

"Liv," she said.

"What's up, sweetie?" Olivia asked, grabbing a glass from the cupboard.

"Do you know that you always smell so good?" Karen asked.

Olivia giggled and eyed Fitz, who was subtly eyeing her up and down in her current outfit. Looking at everything from her hair, to her leggings. And blushing when he realized he'd been caught.

She turned back to Karen with a laugh. "Well thank you, K! That's very sweet of you!"

"You're welcome. You must have the best perfume in the whole world," Karen noted.

Fitz was standing somewhat behind Karen at the moment, so she couldn't see her dad do it. But his eyes widened and he nodded seriously in agreement.

Olivia had to refrain from smiling too hard at him so that she didn't look like a complete wacko.

"Well, you know, it's probably a mix of a couple different things, if I had to guess, because...I'm not wearing any perfume right now!" Olivia replied.

"You're not?" Karen asked.

"Nope," Olivia said. "Just...lotion. And maybe a mix of...my conditioner and coconut oil?" she guessed, filling up a glass of water.

"Oh," Karen nodded. "Well, it is a good combination."

"Thanks, K," she smiled.

Karen nodded happily and continued telling her dad about a project she was doing at school.

She watched him from afar, and listened to Karen talk to him.

He was leaning against the counter, making eye contact with her and nodding at what she was saying. She was very clearly excited about what she was talking about, and he was giving her _all_ his attention.

It made Olivia smile. He was such a sweet, attentive dad. And that was so attractive.

Olivia got to learn about this project over lunch as well—a little English project apparently. Taking a book, any book of their choosing, and creating a board game inspired by it. To help them with their analyzation skills, as well as to bring out their creativity.

Karen was currently reading her chosen book, "The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane", for the second time. Just to make sure she had a firm grasp of the book.

It made Olivia smile. Sounded familiar.

And honestly, it just felt really natural. Sitting and having lunch with him and Karen. Talking to her about a school project, and giving her advice. It felt good.

Spending the whole _day_ with just the two of them felt good. Mellie was always kind to Olivia; she had absolutely no reason to hate on Mellie other than the fact that she was really jealous of her.

And maybe because she didn't treat Fitz how he deserved to be treated. But she didn't truly know much about their relationship other than what she speculated. All she truly knew was the little bit that Fitz had told her, which was that that they were extremely dysfunctional, pretty much.

But in the past couple days, since she'd actually been..._involved_ with him, she had been wondering if she could ask him to tell her a little bit more about their marriage.

She was afraid of being too nosy, and asking things that were too personal. But also, she thought she kind of had a right to ask. She had absolutely no idea what was going to come of...whatever this was with Fitz. She didn't even _know_ what it was. She didn't know what they were doing and she knew he didn't either. There were no plans, and that made it a little difficult. There was no set of rules that she could attempt to follow in this situation. Although, the only nonspoken rules that were at all related to this situation, she'd probably _long_ broken by now.

This was completely new territory for both of them. So, despite how nervous she was about it, she decided just to go for it while they were downstairs together. Karen was upstairs practicing piano, so they had come downstairs to watch "Game of Thrones." Truly, they hadn't even started an episode yet and probably weren't going to. So far all they'd done was cuddle and look at each other like a pair of idiots.

Hopefully what she asked wouldn't ruin their moment.

"Hey," she whispered, slowly intertwining their fingers together.

"Hey," he whispered back.

"I have a question. And I don't know if it's alright for me to ask it. But I also think…it's something I should know. So based on those things—do you think I should ask it?" she laughed.

He smiled, and gave her a nod. "You can ask me anything. Always."

She let out a breath, and nodded. "Alright," she said, scooting closer to him.

They were both laying on one of the chaise lounge ends of the "U" shaped couch. It was probably only ideal for one person to lay on that outstretched lounge part, but they were making it work.

And she made it work even more. She moved her legs over one of his legs, tangling them underneath their blanket. Feeling his muscular thigh beneath both of hers. And with their hands also currently interlocked, they were pretty much as cuddled up as they could be. Something they had never done, but something she now wished they could do all the time.

After snuggling up as close as possible to him, she went for it.

"I wondered if you could tell me about you and Mellie. I guess I just want to understand...you know? I want to understand...what this is, and where you're...at with her. I don't know. I'm going to be honest, I've obviously never been in a situation like this so I don't really know how to go about this."

She feared how he would respond. But he simply nodded at her.

"I completely understand. You...you have absolutely every right to question things. I will answer anything you want to know. I don't...really know how to go about this either. I'm still trying to...navigate this in my head if I'm being completely honest."

"Me too," she nodded. "I've been thinking about it nonstop for two days."

And she really had. She'd been _dying_ to talk to someone about the new things that were happening in her life. She desperately wanted to tell Shawn, because she knew of all people that she would be supportive and would never say a word to anyone. But she had refrained from doing so thus far, because she still wasn't sure it was even _okay_ to tell her. But man, it was hard to keep all the emotions she felt to herself inside.

All she had right now was him.

"So have I," he agreed, leaning his head against hers. "Do you...wish I hadn't kissed you?"

"Absolutely not," she answered. "…Do you?"

"No," he said. "I still don't know what the hell I'm doing. What _we're_ doing. but...I know for certain that I don't regret telling you how I feel and hearing that it's mutual. Or…kissing you."

She nodded, adjusting her head on his shoulder. "I don't think there's really a way to know what the hell we're doing right now. I don't think anyone in this situation is ever going to know. And I think the only thing we can do is...be in this together, and take it one step at a time."

He sighed, looking down at her intently. She seemed so much older than she was. He forgot that she was 18, and he forgot that there were a decent number of years between them, simply because it didn't feel that way. She admitted along with him that they had no plan. But also, she was calm and collected about it. Not that he was surprised, that was just Olivia. But all he could do was nod in amazement. Because she was right.

"We're in this together," he said quietly.

"We're in this together," she repeated.

"And you're right, too, about taking it one step at a time. And I think the first step is...having these conversations. So...with Mellie. Do you want me to...start from the beginning?"

She nodded. "If that's okay, yeah."

He nodded. "Okay. It's...it's a long story, though. And it's probably not...a good one."

She nodded, giving his hand a reassuring squeeze.

He squeezed back, giving her a shy smile. And then he began.

"So, college was...a crazy period of my life. It was so much change for me in a fairly small amount of time. First, heading into college, itself, was a little intimidating for me. I've always been pretty close with my mom, especially because it was just her and I for the majority of my childhood. So...even though I stayed close to home for college, it was a big change for me. I was even quieter back then than I am now, if you can believe that."

"Awww," she smiled, squeezing his hand. He chuckled.

"So...overall, at the time, it just felt like a lot. But I tried to make the most of it—I really did. I tried to come out of my shell a little bit. I purposefully didn't go home all that much, and I met new people. One of whom, was Mellie, but...I didn't know her well during my freshman year. She was more of an acquaintance at that point. We lived in the same dorm, and saw each other frequently, but weren't close."

"Okay, I got you," Olivia nodded.

"What I didn't know, though, was that that whole year, she...kind of liked me. But I literally had no idea, because...I hadn't had so much as a fling in high school and had no idea how to tell."

"Wait…_nothing_ in high school?" Olivia asked.

He shook his head. "No. Nothing. I was _so_ shy, Liv."

"Oh my gosh," she whispered, smiling at him. "Mister shy guy."

He smiled back. "Yeah. So…anyway, at the very end of the school year, there was this, um...this big party that I went to. I wasn't much of a partier, much to your surprise, I'm sure," he teased.

"Really? I would have thought you were a _huge_ partier. Throwing ragers every weekend and such," she laughed.

"Yeah, _right,"_ he chuckled. "It wasn't my thing. But I tried to step out of my comfort zone, you know, so...I went. And...I made some poor decisions at that party."

"Oh no...what did you do?" Olivia said nervously.

"Well. It was the first time I ever got drunk. I barely remember it anymore, it was that bad. This group of people I was with at the time, some of them I knew, some of them I didn't—we were drinking, playing these dumb games. Truths were coming out. _Embarrassing_ truths," he replied.

"Oh no. Parties tend to do that," she winced.

He sighed, and continued. "Yes, they do. So...some truths came out. One was that...out of the people in that group, only two of us had never kissed anyone before."

"Oh, gosh. So...you and Mellie," she guessed.

"No, actually," he answered. "Me and...Abby Whelan. Mellie, actually, _was_ at this party, but not hanging out with the group I was with."

She was confused. "Wait. Abby as in your now-best friend, Abby?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "Abby and I didn't really know each other at that point, either. We just knew _of_ each other. But...I think we were drunk, and embarrassed that we had actually admitted the truth, and thought—it's not that big of a deal, it's stupid. Let's just get it over with, we might as well. Everyone was egging us on to do it. So we did."

"Oh my gosh," Olivia laughed. "Right there in front of everyone, huh?"

"Yep," he nodded. "In all our drunk...glory. It was awkward. I truly don't...remember much except that she was...she was on my lap at one point—"

She opened her mouth in surprise and her eyes widened, not expecting to picture a much younger Fitz doing things like _that_.

"—Yeah, I know. What can I say, I was obviously just...just a real _player," _he teased. "Had never so much as kissed a girl at age 19 and was all of a sudden...doing it. Very drunk, I might add."

"Wow, you know, that is _quite_ the first kiss," she nodded with a laugh. Thinking of him as a "player" was also particularly funny, because he truly seemed like the opposite.

"Yeah. It was..._so_ weird and _so_ awkward, and honestly, we both don't remember much of it. But...it was after that awkward experience that we became actual friends," he said. "And now...she's my best friend. So I guess I'm happy that came of it."

"So...I don't have to be...jealous of your best friend now, do I?" Olivia teased.

"No," Fitz chuckled, shaking his head. "No. She is _very_ happily married, and I'm good buddies with her husband, David, too."

"Right, your golf partner," Olivia said.

"Yes," he nodded. "I love her and she's wonderful. But...no, I promise you there is no need to be jealous of her. She's like a sister to me. We were each other's awkward, stumbly, first kiss and that's all."

"Okay, okay. So I take it...this is where Mellie comes in," Olivia guessed.

"Yes," he nodded. "Turns out she actually caught the tail-end of it happening at the party and then left all upset. So when word got around to me that she was mad and she hated that 'red-headed bitch'—"

Olivia put her hands up to her mouth. "Oh, dear."

"Yeah. Still hates her, by the way, which makes my life a living hell," Fitz nodded. "So, anyway, at that point I finally started to...comprehend that she was interested. I didn't know her well—but nobody had ever been interested in me before, to my knowledge, and that was a new experience for me. So I thought...okay. I'll go for it. She was smart. She was way more extroverted than me and I was amazed that she liked me. She was pretty, I knew a lot of guys that liked her. And...we both lived in New York outside of college. So that summer after our freshman year...was when we started dating."

"Okay," Olivia nodded along.

"And if you can do the math, based on that sweet little girl upstairs playing the piano right now...it wasn't too long after that that my world changed even more."

Olivia nodded with wide eyes. "Right...so when did that happen?"

"We got pregnant right at the beginning of our sophomore year—September. And Karen was born the next June. So...I went from...nervous about college, to trying to come out of my shell, to having my first girlfriend, to then...learning I was going to be a dad, all in about the span of a year."

_"__Wow,"_ Olivia whispered.

"Yeah. Mellie and I weren't...ready for that. At that point, we'd only been dating since the beginning of that summer. In no way were we ready for _any_ of that. But we didn't have a choice, it happened, and we...handled it the best way we thought we could. We handled it how...we thought we were supposed to, at age 19."

Olivia nodded, giving him an understanding look.

"We decided...that eventually, we would get married, because...that's what we thought was right. We did it during summer break—a year after Karen was born. Mellie was a little more gung-ho about the idea than I was. But...ultimately, I was never going to leave her by herself with the baby. We were so young and...I would have never done that. Not being a part of his or her life wasn't an option for me, that I was _sure_ about. So...I agreed. There were multiple things that went behind our decision. I didn't really ask her to marry me. I mean—I did, it was a whole fancy deal in front of our families and everything. But it was kind of more of...an agreement. An agreement with an expensive ring, I should add."

_Yeah, that sounded like Mellie_.

"And to give you some more context...Mellie grew up with divorced parents, and hardly ever speaks to her dad anymore. Things got so bad, she and Harmony were always caught in the middle. It kind of scarred her, rightfully so. She's close with her mom now, but it wasn't always that way. And luckily she and her sister stuck together through it all. But ultimately...that experience was the center of her childhood. And the idea of separated parents for her own child...scares her. No matter how much we don't get along...I know that experience will always haunt her," he admitted.

"And you know, as a 19-year-old, I felt the same way she did. I didn't experience the same exact thing. But I grew up, for the most part, without a dad too, and it was hard just my mom and I. We had everything we needed and more, I was very blessed and I'll forever be grateful for that. But that never changed the fact that we missed dad, and having a two-parent household had made me a lot happier in the seven years that I had it. It was important to me, too. So...I agreed with Mellie on that, I really did."

"I can understand that," Olivia nodded. She didn't have the privilege of remembering what it was like to have her dad in the house. But she did know she'd trade anything to have him back. Not just for her, but for her mother.

"Yeah. This wasn't meant to work between Mellie and I. We aren't 'soulmates'. We aren't _meant to be together._ I think, honestly, we truly started because Mellie felt the need to "beat" Abby and win me over, and because I was happy that a smart, pretty girl liked me first. I think if I'm being blunt, that was what it all boiled down to. And I think we were beginning to figure that out. I think we started to realize at 19, going on 20, that it wasn't going to work. But all of a sudden...we had more to think about than just us two. We had...a whole other _life_ to think about. So we decided we were just going to _make_ it work, for Karen. So that she could have what neither of us really had."

_Oh...wow._

"So...how long has it been..._bad?"_ Olivia asked.

He sighed, thinking back. "Well, it hasn't been a _good_ marriage right from the start. It was built on obligation, not...not love. But it's probably steadily gotten worse. When it's just the two of us, we don't really talk unless we need to. If one of us is going somewhere or has plans, or...which one of us needs to pick up K on a certain day. Most of the time, it's about Karen, because she's what's important to us. And aside from that, we usually go about our days like the other just isn't there."

"How do you...I mean how do you deal with this?" Olivia asked. "I respect the decision that you and her made all those years ago. I understand how tough of a position that must have been. But how do you do it?"

He sighed. "We work, that at least keeps us busy. All of Karen's activities keep us busy. I talk to the people I trust about it—Abby. David. My mother. And I remember that...from all of this mess, came Karen. She's the center of it all, and...she's everything to me."

Olivia nodded, after receiving all of that information. That was a _lot_ to process. She felt better that she understood it now. But man, that was just...a lot.

"Neither of you have ever...you know. Gone...outside your marriage," she inquired.

"No," he shook his head. "Mellie's too stubborn to do that. She's all about making it work and keeping up the image that everything's fine. And...I think to her, cheating would be the ultimate admission that she doesn't believe it can. And if you haven't noticed...Mellie isn't the type of person that likes to be wrong."

"No," Olivia shook her head.

"And...I hadn't...ever. I thought I _would_ never. Just...um, just with you," he said quietly.

"And...where are you at with that?" she whispered. "I mean...how are you feeling about this since...we talked on Friday?"

"You want me to...be _completely_ honest?" he asked. "About everything?"

"Yes," she nodded. _"Always."_

He nodded back. "I feel...scared, because...I've never felt things like this before. You make me..._feel,"_ he said. "And the fact that you do, makes me scared. Because that's a change for me, and…I still don't know what we're going to do. I feel...confused, because even though this all scares me, it makes me feel...good, too. So then I feel guilty _because_ it feels good. And because...no matter what dead marriage I'm in, it feels like I'm still...betraying her, and my daughter, in our own house. I feel...excited, whenever I think about you, or when I know I'm going to see you. Happy, whenever...I'm with you. My heart races when...when I kiss you—I could keep going. I've been feeling quite a range lately."

She sighed, and nodded in agreement. Almost everything he'd described, she felt too. The good and the bad.

She'd spent her whole life being told she was smart, and that she always had everything figured out. And right now, neither of those things felt at all true to her. This was in no way a smart move, and it was in _no way_ figured out.

But Fitz was like something she'd never experienced in her life. It made no sense, that was for sure. It was something she didn't even know how to think logically about. But he felt like this high, that she didn't want to ever come down from. The only way she could think to describe him was that he felt…right. But that certainly didn't match their overall situation, because this sure as hell wasn't right.

Truly, the good and the bad, were_ very _prominent in her brain, and clearly in his, too.

"How about you?" he asked.

"All of the above," she whispered, eyeing him. "This is a very...conflicting position to be in if you have a conscience and a heart at the same time."

"That's a really good way to put it," he nodded, tightening his grip on her.

She looked down sadly, just wanting to snuggle up to him for the rest of the day, and pretend this _wasn't_ the situation they were in.

But they would never get to do that, because the situation was very real.

"How are you doing?" he asked, squeezing her hand. "Did I freak you out? With...with everything about Mellie?"

"No," she answered. "I'm glad I know now—the full story. I know maybe it sounds weird, but...I just needed to know. It was kind of what I had thought was the case, anyway."

"Yeah. I...just want to apologize, again, for this, Olivia. For you being in this position right now. Living here, and...and everything that comes with that. I can't imagine, and I'm so sorry," he sighed, looking at her.

She nodded. "Well. I don't know that I'm in a worse position than you are. I think this is equally...shit...for both parties."

"That is probably a good assessment, yes," he agreed with a laugh.

She nodded, and looked down at their hands interlocked on her lap. And she couldn't help but think about the differences before her.

Not just the difference in size, or the difference in the color of their skin. _Everything_ between them.

"We are in...such different places in our lives, Fitz," she whispered, lifting up their hands and watching their fingers slowly intertwine again before her eyes. He watched too, letting his fingers slowly fit into hers.

"I know," he whispered, rubbing his thumb on the top of her hand.

"Does that bother you?" she whispered, looking over at him. "Does it bother you that I'm...younger than you?"

He took a moment to think, but he shook his head fairly quickly. "It doesn't bother me. It makes things a little more difficult than they already are. But honestly...I forget. I forget that you're as young as you are. You seem so much older to me, and I'm sure everyone else thinks the same. It's not something that I actively think about, even though...I know if other people knew, they wouldn't like this. For _many_ reasons. I don't think anything is in our favor in this situation, Liv. To me, it feels like...the whole world is against us, and yet...here we are."

She sighed, leaning her head back on his shoulder again.

"Yes," she nodded. "Can I ask...what makes you want to defy the world with me?" she whispered with a smile.

"You," he answered right away. "You make me want to."

She smiled at him, hoping he would continue. Because she'd really been wondering what would make him want to put himself in such an awful position.

And he did continue.

"I'm going to be very honest with you again," he began.

"Please," she nodded.

"I didn't know you were coming to stay with us until two weeks before you came. Mellie kind of sprung it on me, and...I wasn't happy about it. Not because of you, I didn't know anything about you. Just...because she's a little pushy with Karen on the school subject, and that was the whole reason behind this, so Karen could be introduced to this CITYterm program. I'm very vocal with Mellie about not being so pushy, because K is still so young."

"Right, I completely agree," Olivia nodded. "Wait...she seriously didn't tell you until two weeks before I came?"

"No," he chuckled.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Now I feel even worse about...fucking up your schedule more than anyone else's!"

"No," he shook his head immediately. "Don't feel bad about anything. I was going to tell you that...I'm so _glad_ you came. I'm _so_ glad you're here. It didn't take me long at all to see how special you are. How amazing you are. So driven. So bright. You know what you want to do in this world and I admire that so much. Karen looks up to you, and...she loves you. And that's...I mean, that's everything to me. Every little thing that you do just...makes me smile. You're just...I don't know if you realize how amazing you are to me, Olivia."

Her heart fluttered, hearing all of that. And hearing all of that come from _him_.

"And..." he added, looking shyly down at his lap. "You are so beautiful," he whispered. "Just...absolutely stunning. I've thought so since day one."

And just when she thought her cheeks couldn't feel any warmer than they already did...

"Oh, Fitz," she smiled, looking up at him. "You make me blush more than anyone I know."

"Same here," he smiled.

"Yeah, it's..._cute as hell_," she nodded.

And just that made him start to blush.

"See," she giggled, kissing his cheek. "You want to hear it from my side, smiley?"

He bit his lip, nodding slowly at her with a smile. "Yeah."

She got settled in, ready to tell him why he was so amazing to _her_. She had a lot to say.

"You are...such a good dad. And you're so established in your career already, which has always been impressive to me. The way you carry yourself, how kind you are, how sweet you are. All of those things are so attractive to me. _You_ are...so attractive to me. I admire you more than you know," she said.

He was smiling, looking down at his lap. He was sure he'd never been that heavily complimented in his entire life from anyone other than...his mom?

But she wasn't done yet, she kept going.

"I love that you love your books like me. I love your love for music, and coffee, and good food. And your singing voice is beautiful. It makes me want to cry—and I do want to let you know that I hate crying with a passion—"

He was chuckling at her, which made her laugh too. But she continued.

"You're shy, and I find it very sweet. But you're also pretty smiley and chatty when you want to be," she whispered, poking his arm. That really made him blush.

"I'm not quiet with...the right people," he said. Something he'd said to her right when they met.

"Right, right," she smiled, catching on. "You and I are...chatting up a storm these days, aren't we.

"Yeah. Among...other things."

That made her burst into laughter all over again, and it made him laugh too. His little jokes were always not expected at all, and that made them even funnier to her.

"Among other things," she nodded in agreement. "And...there's something else, by the way."

"What?" he asked.

"You are...the most _handsome_ man I've ever known," she said. "You are...I mean—damn. You are...so hot, Fitz, I'm just going to be blunt, because at this point, why not."

"Oh..._wow,"_ he blushed nervously, scratching his head. "Thank you."

"You're so welcome. I am...just telling the God's honest truth right now."

He was blushing and smiling, like nobody had told him these things very often, and she wondered how that could possibly be the case.

He deserved so much more than what he'd gotten.

"So...the fact that I'm older...it doesn't bother you, either?" he asked.

"No," she replied. "Not a single bit. Like you said, it makes things more difficult. But it doesn't bother me at all. Everything about you is...everything that I want."

He sighed, pulling her even closer to him.

"You mean so much to me," he whispered. "I can't even begin to describe how much."

"Same here," she whispered back, looking adoringly up at him.

He rested his other hand on her thigh under the blanket. "I'm really glad we talked today."

"Me too," she nodded, squeezing his hand.

"And by the way, I think I should just point out that my daughter is 100 percent right. You smell amazing—_all_ of the time. Every second of every day, my _God."_

Now she was blushing, and giggling into his shoulder. "Thank you! I'm very glad you think so. You always smell amazing too. Every time you get into the car, or walk past me, all I'm met with is this amazing scent _all_ around."

"Thank you," he chuckled.

"Mhm," she nodded, into his shoulder. "You smell fantastic right now, too."

"As do you," he whispered. He leaned in and kissed her lips, but moved to her cheek, and then to her neck. He could instantly feel her open herself to him so that he could. She lifted up her chin, closing her eyes as he realized again, that this was something she really liked. So he didn't stop.

He moved his lips along her neck slowly, making his way up to her jaw. Never staying in one spot for too long so he didn't leave any marks.

"This is your favorite, isn't it," he whispered, against her soft skin.

_"__Yes,"_ she whispered, curling her fingers in his hair. Finally having to let go of his hands because his hair felt like a natural place to go.

"Good to know," he said quietly, gripping her body tightly and keeping at it. She debated shifting her body and moving into his lap. She desperately wanted to. But she refrained, not wanting to go too fast and feeling guilty that Karen was just upstairs. She'd already felt guilty on Friday, with Mellie having been just upstairs, too.

The kisses still escalated a little bit into a makeout session. But hands didn't wander, and bodies didn't shift. They were both content to take it slow.

One step at a time, and _together_. That was their plan. Their…only plan.

But eventually, Karen stopped with her piano, so they composed themselves and returned upstairs after they "watched Game of Thrones". Or as Karen cutely referred to watching it as—"Game of Throning."

And eventually Mellie came home, too. She brought home a new fancy crystal dish set that she, alone, seemed excited about.

And after Mellie returned, the day seemed to go by quicker. Olivia wasn't in her own little world with Fitz in the basement anymore. It was back to reality.

By the end of the day, she was completely in agreement with Fitz. Weekends sucked, and she couldn't wait for the week to begin. More time with him was a win to her.

Before she headed downstairs for the night, she eyed Fitz as she was filling up her water bottle. He was helping Karen with her math homework at the dinner table, while simultaneously watching Sunday Night Football on the TV in the living room from the kitchen. Mellie had recently retired to the sunroom after talking with Karen about her English project.

Karen had her back to Olivia, so she couldn't see her. She and Fitz were eyeing each other back and forth for a solid five minutes, just smiling at each other and mouthing things back and forth. But she did want to head to bed, so she ended their "conversation."

"Miss you," she mouthed.

"Miss you," he mouthed back.

She cleared her throat, grabbing her now full water bottle and saying goodnight to everyone, even little Hank, laying at the foot of the kitchen table.

And after getting ready for bed, and French braiding her hair to wear under her wrap, she fell asleep happy.

Thinking about the man upstairs.

* * *

It had grown easier and easier to wake up as early as she did. But that Monday morning felt even easier.

She was quick to get out of bed, go grab a banana, and start getting dressed for her workout.

She was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when the basement door opened again, and she heard footsteps near the bathroom door, which was slightly open.

And then she saw a cute face peeking in, just after he knocked quietly.

"Hey you," he greeted.

"Hey," she greeted back, laughing because she still had a toothbrush in her mouth and hadn't even taken off her head wrap yet.

He leaned in and pecked her cheek, giving her a cute smile before he left her to finish brushing her teeth.

She kind of laughed, having to lean down immediately and rinse her mouth with water.

He was so cute.

When she entered the gym, she was met with the sight of him warming up on the treadmill, and shaking out his arms.

Monday was always arm day, and a little bit of abs, so she was blessed as usual with what she got to see.

He didn't usually take his shirt off with her, and she knew that if she didn't work out with him; he probably would. But despite how damn good he looked under that shirt—he _was_ more shy, so she understood.

But seeing him do pull-ups and push-ups galore—she could watch that shit all day if someone let her. Whew.

She was getting a little stronger too, she could tell. Her arms felt a little more cut. And things were getting a little bit easier to do. It was a process, but she could tell that it was definitely working.

Supporting and encouraging each other became a little bit more fun now, too. When kisses were involved...that made it better.

Near the end of the hour, he sat at the end of her mat, holding her feet as she did two full minutes of crunches like he'd just done. He was panting, resting his elbow on top of her knees, still coming down from his entire workout. Encouraging her as she did her last remaining seconds.

"Almost done. Finish strong," he breathed, rubbing her knee affectionately.

She breathed out as she powered through her last couple crunches.

"Time," he said, watching her lay back tiredly on the mat, keeping her knees bent because he was leaning on them.

"Those never get easier," she panted, wiping the sweat away after another long workout. Mondays always felt the longest, that was for sure.

"No," he shook his head. "Neither do planks. No matter how strong you are or how long you've been doing them. Never easy."

"God, planks can...planks can step on legos," she whispered, putting her palm over her face.

He was chuckling, leaning his head against her legs. "Step on legos."

"Yes," she laughed, looking up at him, and slowly lowering her knees down to the mat.

She did it for a reason.

Now he didn't have anywhere to lean, and he was sitting near her hips, looking down at her. He put his hands on both sides of her hips, slowly extending his body over her. But keeping his wait on his palms, so that he was a few feet from her face.

She waited, looking up at him. Waiting for him to make a move.

He dipped his head, and captured her lips in his gently. And he lowered himself onto his forearms, to be closer to her. Hovering above her.

She wanted him to lower himself all the way down, but she didn't push it.

Although, for the first time ever, she felt a brush of his tongue. And it immediately made her open her mouth wider.

She had been cautious about that, just as she was about everything with him. She _really_ never wanted to move too fast or push anything, and this was one thing that hadn't happened. Now it was.

She slowly brushed her tongue against his inside his mouth, and it made him moan quietly. God that sound turned her on.

They were sweaty and gross and that didn't even matter. It certainly didn't stop them from getting their fair share in at just before six in the morning.

Quite a time of day to be making out on a yoga mat.

It didn't go any further than that. Each time they kissed, their hands stayed in certain spots, not moving beyond what each was comfortable with. It was very clear that both still weren't quite sure about going further yet, and that both were okay with that.

Olivia had only been sexually involved with one guy in her life, and now that she knew his backstory, she knew it was the same on his end—with only one woman. Aside from...an awkward drunk kiss about 11 years ago.

But even still, he was _way_ more experienced than she was and she knew it. It had been a long time since she'd been in bed with her ex—and on top of that, she wouldn't truly consider herself overly experienced.

But she knew already that she wanted more with Fitz. She didn't care how quickly anything happened, because this whole thing with him still kind of freaked her out. The conflicting feelings she felt made her nuts.

But despite everything, she knew she wanted him, and she wanted him _bad_. Her body had never quite responded to a guy before, how it responded to him.

For now, she kept things very basic, and so did he. Aside from the fact that his tongue was now plunging deep into her mouth right now.

His tongue in her mouth felt amazing, like something she hadn't experienced before. Even though…she _had_. But everything about Fitz just felt different, and _better._ And she couldn't help but imagine how his tongue would feel in other places, too.

_Fuck._

When he pulled away, panting, she was quick to smooth out the curls that she had messed up with her fingers.

His hair was truly getting so long; it grew _so_ fast. She remembered when she had met him and it had been short. She'd had to guess that it was curly, without truly knowing. But now the curls were very visible, and very soft. She felt the need to inquire more about them.

"Are you going to keep growing out your hair?" she whispered, running her fingers through the damp curls.

He panted, and laid there in thought above her. "Yeah, probably. Until it gets...unbearably long. It's getting colder, and that's when I usually let it grow. Why?"

"Because I love your hair," she whispered. "And I was just curious."

"Thank you," he smiled. "Do you...like it long?"

"Yes," she nodded immediately. "I think you should keep growing it out. It's so...curly. When it's short the world doesn't get to see this, and this deserves to be seen."

"Okay. I'll...grow it out for you, then," he nodded.

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Yeah," he nodded. "If you like it."

She gasped, kissing one cheek and then the other. "I feel so special," she laughed.

"You are to me," he whispered, kissing the tip of her nose.

"You are so sweet," she whispered,

He smiled back. "I, um...I love your hair too. I notice that you wear it in braids a lot. I like them," he said. "I mean—I like however you wear it. Not just...not just the braids. I just think...it always looks nice."

"You like these?" she asked, holding one of her French braids.

"Yeah," he nodded.

She couldn't help but laugh, because he was so cute.

"What?" he asked nervously.

"Oh, nothing, nothing," she said immediately. "I'm glad you like them, they're certainly nothing special. It's just how I wear my hair to bed. And...I keep them in to work out just because it's convenient. But, you know, I _was_ thinking about getting my hair braided. I did a little research, and there's a nice salon I found in White Plains. So...if you like these, you'd maybe like those too."

"Get it braided?" he asked.

"Yeah—box braids. They're much thinner than these braids, and usually pretty long, but you can get different lengths and styles. I do it every once in a while; it's a nice change. And it's nice not to have to style it every day. If it's a reasonable price, I'll probably do it."

"Ohh, okay, yeah," he nodded. "You should do it. I bet you look beautiful when you do."

Now she was most _definitely_ blushing. "Well thank you. I do think...it's a very pretty style. It can be very elegant."

"Yeah. I can drive you there if you need, or you could just...you could take my car. When are you going to do it?" he asked.

She giggled, pulling him down for a hug. "You're so sweet. Let me look into it a little more and I'll let you know, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded with a smile.

She sighed, looking up at the clock on the wall. "We should probably go, huh?"

He looked up at it too, and nodded. "Yeah."

"Alright. I need to...steal a few more of these before we go, though," she said, pressing her lips to his a few times.

He smiled against her mouth, pressing his lips back in return. "Just...a couple more."

"Mmmm...mkay," she giggled, letting her lips linger.

"Okay," he sighed, getting up on his knees. He helped her to her feet and they both just about _chugged_ the rest of their water on the way up to mix some protein shakes.

But then they, unfortunately, had to part ways to get ready for the day. Both taking a shower to rinse off. Styling their hair and getting dressed.

Olivia put on her makeup and Fitz took that time to make himself breakfast. Olivia never felt hungry enough to eat anything other than a banana and a protein shake, so she was set.

And after feeding Hank, they were off on yet another Monday morning commute.

"How's your week this week?" Olivia asked, as they headed to Starbucks.

"It should be okay. Lots of meetings, though. I think I'm going to get drinks with Abby later this week, so that will be nice. I haven't seen her in a while."

"That will be fun. Where will you go?" Olivia asked.

"I'm not sure yet. Somewhere in the city, we have a few favorite places," he said. "How about you? How's your week?"

"Pretty good, I think," she nodded. "An exam on Thursday, but otherwise, it should be kind of a slow week for me, which is nice. I'm going to take advantage of it and finish up my early action application."

"NYU?" he asked immediately, turning to her.

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Oh, wow, that's awesome! How's that been going?" he asked.

"Good. My essay's been done for a while. But...I'm just being me. You know. Contemplating it and editing it over and over again."

"Hey, there's no problem with that," he shrugged. "When's the deadline?"

"November 15th. And then I should find out...in December."

"Wow. That's coming up so fast," he said.

"I know," she nodded. "I can't believe it."

"Keep me updated on the process, okay? So I can...cheer you on," he smiled.

"Will do, Fitz," she laughed, as they neared the turn to Starbucks.

That commute began no differently; they listened to music. _Her_ music this morning. Made a little conversation. They went to Starbucks; Fitz got an Americano and she got just a hot coffee with cream.

But then something different did occur.

As she was taking a slow sip of her coffee, she watched him do something.

He reached over the center console, and put his hand on her thigh.

She smiled because of it and peered over at him. He had one hand coolly on the wheel—he knew she was looking at him now. He briefly met her eyes and gave her a smile, before looking back at the road.

She was happy to put her much smaller hand on top of his, fitting her fingers perfectly in the spaces of his. He rubbed his thumb slowly over her thigh, and she was bombarded with memories of the day on the train, when he'd done that same thing, trying to ease her nerves a little bit.

It felt even better this time around, knowing it was purely affectionate.

And so, she sipped her coffee contently, with Fitz's hand on her thigh. To her, that was a pretty happy Monday.

She couldn't believe how much things had changed over the course of a couple days. Last week, things had been entirely different than they were this week.

There was absolutely no doubt in either of their minds that things were headed in a _very_ new direction.

* * *

Well, there was your chapter seven.

What did you think? They're taking it slow. But things are certainly different, and that will only continue from here on out. _New direction._

You'll have to see how this all plays out. I'm so glad you're all along for the messy ride with me.

Hope you enjoyed.

Read on!

~T


	8. Affection & Approval

"Like this?" Karen asked.

"Here, let me show you again," Olivia said gently.

Karen nodded and handed her the makeup brush. Olivia held it for her again, showing her the correct way to hold the type of eyeshadow brush she had.

"Ohh! Okay. Yes, I see now," Karen nodded. "Sorry. I...I don't know very much about makeup."

"That's okay!" Olivia nodded. "You don't need to know much because you don't need to wear any! You're so cute just the way you are."

She blushed and giggled. "Thanks, Liv. But...you are pretty without it, too. You don't need to wear it either."

"Oh, K. You're so sweet. I just like makeup a lot; I love to wear it. Once you're a little older you can decide if you want to or not! It's all up to you."

"I want to when I'm older," Karen smiled. "Sometimes I like to watch my mom do hers, when she goes out for something other than her work. Because then it is...more fancier. When she has work, she doesn't wear a lot."

Yeah, Olivia knew that. She wondered how badly Mellie wished she could wear fancy makeup and designer clothes every day to work. Unfortunately, that probably wouldn't fly while simultaneously wearing _scrubs_ at the hospital.

"Yeah, that makes sense," Olivia nodded. "Okay...what do you think? Should we go for it?"

"Yes!" she nodded.

"Do you want to sit in front of the mirror so you can see what I'm doing?"

"Yes!" she said happily.

"Okay," Olivia laughed.

She was currently about to do a practice run of Karen's Halloween costume makeup, because Olivia had mentioned she'd done some Halloween makeup in her day, so Karen had asked if she'd help her out.

Olivia used to be a hit with Halloween makeup even when _she_ was young enough to go trick or treating. She'd always been pretty skilled with makeup. Both subtle, natural makeup,_ and _all-out fun makeup.

So, Karen was taking her up on her offer, and Olivia was honored to do it.

Karen was being a panda for Halloween, so Fitz had taken the three of them to get some face makeup and brushes for her after they picked her up from her piano lesson that day.

It had been pretty comical. The three of them had gotten a little distracted looking at all of the different Halloween costumes the store had to offer.

And seeing Fitz put on a _cat-eye_ mask? That was funny as hell.

He had been very attentive, listening to what Karen wanted. He had _no_ idea what makeup to get her, though, which is where Olivia had come in and helped. So, they'd gotten a variety of things that they were now experimenting with.

Olivia had had an exam earlier that day, and that was the only important thing she really had going on that week, so she was content to take a small break from her homework and do some makeup. It was fun.

She put a little primer on Karen's face, as they sat at Karen's bedroom desk, which was currently being used as a vanity. They'd put her little mirror on top of it so she could see.

They also had some of Olivia's music going right now, which she'd very _carefully_ selected. It had some Pentatonix on there, because Karen now loved them since Olivia had introduced them to her. It also included some of her old pop that she used to listen to when she was younger—just because that old pop was way more appropriate than the music she listened to now. And because Karen loved it.

It made Karen giggle when Olivia danced behind her in the mirror. Right now she was currently dancing to the clean version of "It Girl" by Jason Derulo, a throwback to 2011.

Most of the songs that played, Karen didn't even know, because she had been too little at the time of their release. So it was pretty funny when she really liked one of the songs. "Fire Burning" by Shawn Kingston was a _huge_ hit with her. They had to play it twice!

Olivia was moving her hips back and forth to the song, although keeping still as she applied the final touches on Karen's panda makeup.

She looked so adorable. She had white powder spread evenly across her face. Olivia had used some of the black makeup crayon that they'd gotten, and skillfully applied it in large ovals around Karen's eyes—as pandas had. She made sure that the edges of the ovals weren't just perfectly round; she used a technique to make it appear as though there was "fur" there, too. She'd applied some dark sparkly eyeshadow to her eyelids as well, which made it pop out a bit. That was Karen's favorite part.

And of course, some of the black makeup crayon was used to create a little black nose at the tip of her own, and to lead it down to her lips, where she wore black lipstick to complete the look.

Olivia was pretty proud. She looked good!

"Look at you!" Olivia exclaimed.

"I'm really a panda, Olivia!" Karen exclaimed happily, looking herself over in the mirror.

"I know! It's gonna look so cute when you have your ears and your full costume on too! Do you like it?"

"Yes!" Karen nodded. "Thank you, thank you, thank you," she said, leaning in and giving her a little side hug as best she could, without smudging her face makeup.

"You're so welcome, sweetie," Olivia laughed, hugging her back. "Here, let's take some pictures okay? So I can make sure to copy it next week."

"Okay," Karen nodded. She smiled brightly for Olivia as she took some pictures with her phone.

But their little photoshoot was interrupted by their _favorite_ guy.

Karen's door had been slightly open, so he probably had been hearing their music and their laughter for a while now. At least, Olivia assumed that was the case, because when he poked his head in, he was already smiling.

And then he gasped, seeing Karen's completed face makeup.

"Oh my goodness!" he exclaimed.

"Daddy, look! I'm really a panda! Olivia did this!" she said, pointing to her face.

"Wow! Olivia did a fantastic job. Come here, let me see you," he said, stepping into her bedroom.

She instantly ran to him and proudly showed off her makeup.

"My little panda bear," he chuckled, lifting her up in his arms.

Olivia was a smiling mess over by Karen's desk, watching the whole thing. Those two were so sweet together.

It was particularly cute seeing him lift her up. She wasn't short by any means, both of her parents were pretty tall, so Karen was on the taller side for her age. But she was still ultra little, too. Very skinny and very _light_. Olivia, who was pretty petite herself, actually had no problem lifting her up, so it was even easier for Fitz.

It always made Karen laugh when he did, only not this time. This time she was a little more cautious.

"Dad! Be _careful!_ My makeup!" she exclaimed.

"Okay, okay, okay," he chuckled, putting her down and kissing the top of her head. "Dad doesn't want to ruin your makeup."

"Olivia took a picture so she can copy it on Halloween again," Karen smiled.

"Well isn't Olivia just..." he began, looking over at her. She was standing by Karen's desk, wearing a sweater and skinny jeans. Her jeans had rips in them. And no matter how hard he'd tried not to let them, they'd made his eyes wander today. _And_ his mind.

He could see her smooth skin. Her thighs. It made him picture her legs without the jeans on, and it was a real, _distracting_ problem.

So now he checked her out all over again, but focused mostly on her pretty face. Her gorgeous smile and her happy eyes.

_What was he saying again?_

Isn't Olivia just...

Beautiful? Perfect? Sweet? Sexy?

He snapped out of it.

"—the best?" he finished, giving her a smile.

"Yes!" Karen exclaimed, making her way back to Olivia.

"You two are too sweet. I'll send you the pictures, Fitz," Olivia said pulling out her phone again.

"Yes, please," he nodded. "I'll send them to grandma Jean, too, K."

Karen gasped. "Yay—grandma Jean!"

She did a little dance now, still listening to her beloved Sean Kingston song. Fitz took notice of it.

"What are you girls listening to?" he chuckled, pausing to listen to the song.

**She's fire burning, fire burning on the dance floor,**

**that little shawty's fire burning on the dance floor.**

Olivia was giggling, pointing to Karen.

"It's K's new favorite song now," Olivia said with a laugh.

"'Fire Burning' dad! Don't you know it?" she asked, as if she hadn't literally just learned of the song six minutes ago.

Fitz started laughing. "Not super well, I don't think."

"Olivia has good music," Karen nodded.

Olivia turned to Fitz and almost burst into laughter at the memory of the "Headband" incident that they both joked about now.

She could tell Fitz was trying equally hard not to burst into laughter. "Yes. Yes...she does."

Olivia could barely take it tonight—take _him_. God, she liked him so much. And it only grew every freaking day.

Luckily, she didn't have to worry about sitting there staring at him adoringly like an idiot, because he reminded Karen about her piano practice.

"Alright, remember, though, K. You need to practice your piano a little bit before you go to Casey's to work on your science project," he said.

"Yeah, okay," Karen nodded. "Can I keep my makeup on a little longer, though?"

"Sure you can," he chuckled. "Come on. I'll come listen to piano for a while."

She nodded and gave Olivia a little wave goodbye, which Olivia returned with a smile.

And then she skipped out the door, heading down to get her books set up so she could practice.

Olivia made sure all the Halloween makeup was put back and organized in the tub they'd put it in, and back on Karen's desk. Fitz waited outside Karen's door, smiling at her when she came to greet him.

_"__That little shawty's fire burning on the dance floor, huh?"_ he asked, smiling over at her.

She started to laugh. "Absolutely, she is. Now—wait, can you say 'shawty' again, because I think I'm gonna need to hear that from your mouth one more time."

"Absolutely not," he chuckled, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Come onnn, smiley," Olivia smirked.

_"__No,"_ he laughed. "Now I'm embarrassed."

"I thought it was really cute, so," she whispered, looking back at him with a smile as they reached the stairs.

He let out an audible breath, looking over her body as she smiled back at him, starting to walk down the stairs.

_Oh, man._

It had become so easy to just be their true selves when they were only in the presence of each other. When they were in the presence of both Mellie and Karen, the two barely looked at each other. They played it off well.

But now, with Mellie working a later shift tonight, and Karen on the other end of the house in the music room, it was so easy. It was so easy to just be there on the staircase, just the two of them.

And the fact that that was easy, made life _harder_.

The more comfortable they got, the closer they got—the happier they were when they were together.

But it made for a rough time when they were apart.

The sadness heightened. The guilt heightened. And for Olivia, so did the jealousy.

Knowing he went upstairs to his bedroom with Mellie every night. Hearing Mellie call him endearments in front of Karen that she wished _she_ could call him. She'd known what she was getting herself into. Well..._kind of_. But God, it was hard.

But being with him, wasn't.

He reached out for her hand, and she reached out for his back.

He smirked at her, following her slowly down the stairs. Looking her up and down agonizingly, with every step he took. Beginning to hear Karen play the piano in the background. And now that it was just the two of them together, even if it was only briefly, she was the sole focus of his attention.

But their little moment couldn't last very long, if they wanted to be careful.

He leaned in and pressed a quiet kiss to her cheek when they reached the bottom of the steps. And then he was walking backward slowly on his way to the music room, watching her the whole time. Checking her out.

She felt a lot of satisfaction watching him do that, because the two hadn't gone any further than making out.

Not...yet.

But his eyes didn't lie. They gave him away, actually. She could see when he looked at her, and she could see _where_ he looked. She knew he wanted to do more—not because he said so verbally, but because his body language and the way he responded to her told her everything she needed to know. And she was pretty sure he knew she was in the same boat. Both were just...hesitant. As if going further would make this even more real than it already was.

Plus, they hadn't exactly gotten many opportunities to _do_ more. Not unless they actively sought out times to sneak around, which they absolutely did not do. Tonight would be kind of a first in which they'd be truly alone for a little while.

It was a weird situation. And it only got weirder with each passing day. Each passing day that feelings got stronger.

So sometimes, getting lost in those little brief moments with each other meant the world.

She watched Fitz with a smirk until he disappeared out of sight. She stood there smiling like an idiot, almost running into the corner of the wall when she finally started to head to the basement door.

Truly, a smiling idiot.

She took a deep breath, heading downstairs to start her own homework, now that she'd successfully helped Karen with her Halloween makeup run through.

Fitz was starting to infiltrate her brain more and more. But she tried to push him aside so she could focus on her homework.

She called her best friend while she did it, simply because if they were both free and it worked out, then they always tried to FaceTime.

That way they could catch up and be productive at the same time.

She wanted to tell Shawn so badly what was happening.

But she didn't. She knew Shawn would be supportive if she did. She trusted all of her friends here in New York, too. Huck, the most by far. But even though there were many people she trusted, this just wasn't something she felt like she should share, as the person who was interfering with someone's marriage.

It certainly wasn't something to be proud of. At all. And she wasn't.

That was part of the reason she kept quiet—no matter what she was feeling for him and how quickly those feelings were now developing, she was ashamed.

She hadn't ever been ashamed of anything in her life. Her life was an open book and she did things that made her proud. This, however, was the first time in her life that she didn't feel like a good person. And it made it extremely tough when she knew it was wrong, but her _heart_ was telling her it was right.

And then there was the fear of it somehow getting out to others, and that's something that would not be acceptable. Not right now, that was for sure. She didn't even know what Fitz was to her. She didn't know how far this was going to go. But they were _definitely_ at a point where having it come out would be a nightmare, because right now, their only plan was to be a team, and to take it one step at a time.

She dreamed about being with him in public. She dreamed about him divorcing Mellie and being with her, instead. But right now, that was all it was. A dream. She couldn't come here and obliterate his entire world after a couple months and then rationally expect him to leave everything he'd clearly tried very hard to stick it out for, and run away with her, or something. And she definitely didn't expect that. Right now, she wasn't sure _what_ to expect, or if she _could _expect anything. All she knew was keeping all of these thoughts inside and solely to herself was hard, but it felt necessary for her.

She figured if she was in this—doing things she shouldn't be doing and feeling things she shouldn't be feeling with a married man, she deserved to feel every bit of pain it brought to her. She deserved all of it. She probably deserved _worse_.

This wasn't her. She wasn't this person—that's the thing, she _knew_ she wasn't. But how could she even justify thinking that when...here she was, doing it.

So, she didn't even tell her closest friend in the entire world—who was like a sister to her.

Instead, she played it off, something she was actually pretty good at doing, and acted as if everything was completely normal here in New York. Fitz didn't come up in anything but normal conversation—perhaps about their commutes or about their workouts. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Ever since Shawn had realized that the potential feelings developing between the two had scared Olivia, she had vowed to drop the subject unless Olivia brought it up herself. So Olivia did appreciate that. She appreciated her best friend being able to see that something scared her, which didn't happen often, and let her talk about it if and when she was comfortable.

Olivia did all her homework for the next day, and even chipped away at some of her weekend homework before she decided to be done for the night. She eventually heard Karen stop playing the piano upstairs, and then heard the garage door shut, knowing Fitz had probably left to take her to Casey's. And around the same time, Shawn had to go pick up her little brother from his basketball practice and then grab dinner on the way back, so she had to say goodbye.

But after Olivia had plugged in her computer to charge, and laid back down to read a little before dinner, she heard Fitz return home. The first place he went was down the stairs. She heard.

When he knocked on her door, it brought a smile to her face. It always did.

"Housekeeping."

She giggled, shaking her head at him. "Come on in, housekeeper."

He peeked his head in, smiling at her on the bed.

"Hi, you."

"Hi, you," she replied, waving him inside. "Get Karen all dropped off?"

He shut the door gently and made his way over to her. "Yeah. We made sure to take off your beautiful panda bear makeup before we left, though."

Olivia laughed. "Probably smart. It smudges pretty easily I think."

"Yeah. You know, I have to admit, I didn't expect to hear _'dad, be careful, my makeup!'_ for at least a few more years," he laughed, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"She's growing up," Olivia smiled.

"I know she is," he nodded. "And yet I still remember the day she was born like it was yesterday. She was...such a good baby."

"Awww, was she?" Olivia smiled.

"Yeah," he smiled back. "Rarely cried. Always smiling, and...pretty laid back."

"Well, I think I know where that smile comes from," Olivia giggled, nudging his thigh with her foot.

His smile grew larger and he began to blush. "She's like your...smiley jr."

"Yes, she is!" Olivia agreed with a laugh. "Doesn't hurt that she looks like you, too. It's no wonder she's so cute."

He looked down at his lap shyly, and then gave her a smile back.

"So did you see Karen's project at all?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah. She and Casey showed me their little poster board. It's about weather," he chuckled.

"That's so cute," Olivia laughed. "Her English project that's coming along is pretty cute too."

"I know," he smiled. "She and Mellie attached the uh...the googly eyes last night. To the...rabbit's face."

"Oh...right right, at the top of the board game," Olivia laughed. "She better get an A on that project or I'm rioting."

He was chuckling, smiling back at her. "I appreciate your willingness to riot for my daughter's grade."

"Of course!" Olivia replied. "She's a sweetheart."

Fitz's smile brightened. "Yes, she is. So...how are you?" he asked, putting his hand on her fuzzy socks. Beginning to rub her feet affectionately.

"I'm good," Olivia nodded. "Did some things I needed to do. Talked to Shawn for a bit. Now just...was reading a little bit before dinner."

He nodded. "Sorry for interrupting your reading. I do like the book of your choosing tonight, though."

She looked down at the book next to her, "To the Last Man." Another book that Fitz had loaned to her not long ago.

She smiled. "It's such a good book so far. And...you never have to apologize. You don't interrupt, ever. I always love talking to you."

"Me too," he said, rubbing her calf gently. "So...it'll just be us two for dinner; Mellie's shift is till eight today and she's picking Karen up from Casey's on her way home. You hungry for anything specific?"

"I'm good with anything! I can help you make it, though, if you want," she offered.

"Mkay," he nodded. "I'll take you up on that."

She eyed him up and down as he sat there at the foot of her bed. And then he cleared his throat, looking around like he wasn't sure if this would be okay. But he scooted upward on her bed and got on his knees, slowly extending his body over hers.

Her hands instinctively moved to cup his face, looking up at him with a soft smile.

He licked his lips and looked over her face, biting his bottom lip as he did so.

"The jeans you're wearing right now have made my life extremely hard today," he whispered.

She started to laugh and raise her eyebrows at him. She truly wanted to hear him expand on that because he'd never really given her _that_ kind of compliment before. It wasn't really dirty at all—but certainly the "dirtiest" he'd given her, depending on what he was implying.

"Please enlighten me," she whispered, rubbing her thumbs gently across his cheeks. Which, were beginning to turn pink as he smiled.

"Ummm," he laughed nervously.

"Come onnn," she smiled. "You said it—now I'm curious."

"Ahhh," he laughed, leaning his head down into her shoulder. "They uh...they're nice."

"They're _nice?"_ she giggled, kissing the side of his forehead. It was so easy, his face was right there next to hers.

He smiled, accepting her kiss gratefully. "Yeah," he chuckled, almost in a _giggle_, which had her idiotic smiling returning.

"You are so cute," she laughed, wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

Her hugging him made him relax a little bit more, and settle down into her. _Really_ settle down. He allowed himself to lay down, instead of propping himself up with his forearms and knees.

He was now fully on top of her, pressed into her. And she could have stayed like that all night—if the world let them.

It wouldn't. But she cherished it while it was happening, and brought her fingers up to his curly hair as he laid there, breathing softly into her shoulder.

But then he spoke up again.

"The jeans make me think things," he whispered.

He didn't look up at her, he stayed where he was—which was pretty comfortably nestled into her shoulder at the moment. But he didn't have to look at her for her heart to start beating faster, and for her cheeks to start feeling warm.

"Oh yeah?" she whispered.

"Yeah."

"What kinds of things?" she inquired.

"Things I...shouldn't think," he responded.

"Well. Unfortunately, I think we're far past that already," she admitted.

"Yeah. That's true," he agreed. "I guess sometimes I feel hesitant to say what I'm thinking. Because I don't...I just really want you to be comfortable. With me. I just...want you to feel comfortable with me."

"Oh, Fitz. I've never felt more comfortable with anyone in my life," she said, stroking his curls. "But I truly appreciate that so much. So thank you. That's all I want, too. I want you to feel comfortable with _me_, too."

He turned his head against her shoulder and laid on the right side of his face, so he could look up at her.

He looked at her with something she could only describe as adoration. He let out a quiet sigh, studying her face as she ran her fingers through his hair, and smiled at him.

And she couldn't help but notice something every time she showed him affection—like she was doing now. Close, _personal_ affection. She noticed that the way he reacted was as if he'd never experienced it in his life. He looked _relaxed_, whenever she did it. He looked like he was in his happy place, and that made her feel good. And so did what he said next.

"I feel very comfortable with you," he said. "More than anyone else. I know...I get nervous about things sometimes. But...I really am _so_ comfortable with you."

She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose gently.

"If you want...I can still...enlighten you," he whispered, peering up at her.

She smirked.

_"__Yes,"_ she whispered back.

He lifted his head up, and then got on his knees again, revealing her ripped jeans to them both. He hovered above her slightly, and brought one hand down to the top of her thigh.

The second he touched her, she let out an audible breath. His hand was so big on top of her thigh, and so close to an area where her skin was uncovered because of a rip in the denim.

He looked up at her, running his hand downward and feeling her smooth skin in spots that were uncovered. He knew by the look on her face that she liked it. And he certainly knew that _he_ liked it.

"They make me want to touch you. And they make me picture you...with them off."

She closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the headboard.

"You can touch me," she whispered. "You can...keep touching me—please."

He allowed his other hand to do the same on her other thigh, and with each trip up and down, his hands lingered on her upper thighs. Higher than he'd ever touched her before.

She couldn't help it. She felt her legs widening before him. She tried to stop, but his hands made it _so_ hard. She ended up bending one leg at the knee beneath him because she couldn't take it, and that was better than just continuing to open her goddamn legs for him.

Which she desperately _did_ want to do—and had been beginning to do without even thinking about it.

He took it as a sign that she couldn't handle that anymore, and was trying to keep it together. And he was more than okay with that, because he had long since felt himself hardening. And if he was hard just from his hands wandering up her legs, and _she_ could barely keep it together, he feared their ability to stop.

He wanted the jeans off. He wanted them off so badly, but he definitely wasn't going to follow through with it. Not today. Although he wanted it, he still didn't think he felt ready to take another step. And more importantly, based on Olivia's attempt to keep herself in check, he didn't think she felt quite ready either.

So he distracted himself with her lips for a while. Because _that_, they both felt extremely comfortable with. And he knew what she liked. He knew how she liked to be kissed. He knew what it took to make her moan, which—also made his dick throb. He just hid it well.

He extended his body again so that he could meet her face-to-face, but she was already ahead of him, pulling his head down for a kiss immediately.

Her tongue found his as soon as he opened his mouth. And he opened it _wide_, not hesitating to let his tongue meet hers too.

He was, however, hesitant to lay back down on top of her as he'd been doing before, now that he was hard as fuck. So he didn't. Their legs were tangled together now on top of the covers, but he made sure not to press his hips into hers.

One step at a time.

Despite the fact that they were breathless, they made it last pretty long. Stretching it out to the point where it started to get sloppy, and there wasn't a moment in time that their tongues _weren't_ in contact.

He had to pull away eventually, allowing them both to catch their breath while he focused on her neck. He hadn't given it enough attention, and it was something she thoroughly enjoyed.

She let out a quiet moan right in his ear—and his dick was made well aware of it.

"Oh...Liv," he whispered, running his hands down her sides. He simultaneously moved his mouth down her neck toward her chest. Letting his tongue brush against her skin, too.

Her chest was heaving, and he could feel her heart racing, which only made his race more in return.

His mouth ventured low on her chest. Probably too low. But she was holding his head against her now, like she couldn't bear for him to stop.

The sweater she had on was a round neck, and could easily be moved aside.

He gently pulled the neck of her sweater down a bit and did what he wanted to do—he kept kissing her.

Her skin was so soft. He looked up at her as his lips and tongue touched her skin over and over. Her eyes were closed, and she was panting. Encouraging him. She looked..._good_.

But he didn't let himself go too far. He started to slow down, adjusting her sweater back in place. He kissed his way back up slowly, placing a final few light kisses on her lips.

Her eyes opened slowly, looking breathlessly up at him. "Oh...my god."

"Yeah. You're right," he panted, rolling over on his back next to her. That had her giggling.

He _desperately_ didn't want to get off of her. But he needed time for his dick to calm down now and that wasn't going to happen if he was continuously laying on her and watching her literally _pant_ because of him.

He reached down and tried to subtly adjust himself through his jeans, and pulled the end of his shirt down as far as he could so it wasn't so _damn_ obvious.

She reached over and held her hand out for him, and he clasped his fingers in hers immediately, bringing her hand up to kiss it.

"Fitz," she said.

"Yeah."

"I could kiss you all day."

He looked back at her, biting his lip as he studied her. "We might need, like...some chapstick or something."

That had her laughing again, and she rolled over, snuggling into his side.

"I could kiss you all day, too," he whispered. He leaned in and waited for her to touch her lips against his again.

"Mm," she murmured, pressing another to his lips.

He laid there, smiling at her. Touching his nose to hers while she tightened her grip on his hand.

He turned to look up at the ceiling briefly, and they laid in comfortable silence for a little bit. The only sound was the sound of their fast breathing. But then Olivia just about laughed so hard that she _cried_ when he broke the silence with another line from "Fire Burning."

"She get it pop it, lock it, drop it, that birthday cake," he whispered in a sing-song voice.

_"__What?!"_ she laughed, leaning her head into his shoulder. "You did not just do that!"

"No. I did not," he shook his head casually.

"Oh my god," she giggled, wrapping her other arm around him. He was smiling, looking up at the ceiling. Happy that he'd made her laugh, because that was what he had aimed for. "So you _do_ know that song."

"There's a possibility that I do know that song, yes," he nodded seriously.

"Karen's gonna be upset you didn't sing it to her, you know. She told me it's her favorite now, I think she'd want to hear her dad sing it."

"Mmm...I don't think she wants to hear her dad sing about dropping...'that birthday cake.' Regardless of if she understands that or not," he laughed.

"Okay, that's fair," she agreed with a laugh. "However, _I_ want to. So will you sing it again?"

"Hmm...I don't—yeah, I don't think so," he chuckled. "I've definitely reached my daily limit of embarrassment now after that."

"Ugh. You're such a teaser," she groaned, smiling at him.

He raised his eyebrows and looked over at her with a smirk. "So...you don't like to be teased?"

She bit her lip. "Oh...I do."

"Hmmm," he smirked, squeezing her hand. "I'm going to...remember that."

Oh _god_, she could feel the effect his voice and his smirk had between her legs. _Yes, for the love of God, please remember that._

She smirked back, pressing her lips to his again. He was quick to kiss her in return, allowing his tongue to brush hers all over again. He had calmed down a little bit now, thank god.

"Okay. We should probably do something productive now or else...we won't leave this room," she murmured against his lips.

"You know, that is a _very_ good idea," he chuckled, squeezing her hand. "How about we go make some dinner."

"Yes. I think that sounds like a great idea," she nodded.

"Mkay," he replied, slowly getting up. "Your bed's pretty comfortable, by the way."

"It is, isn't it?" she asked. "Courtesy of...well, you."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "I honestly don't think I've ever slept in it before so I guess...I wouldn't know."

"Oh, you should, it's really comfortable," she said. And then she paused.

"Wait. I didn't mean...uh. I didn't mean, like, with me or anything. I just meant the bed was comfortable. Sorry, I just made that...really weird," she laughed.

He was blushing, but he pulled her out of bed, looking her up and down. "I don't think you made it weird. I'd take you up on that offer."

Her heart fluttered.

"You would?"

"Yeah," he nodded with a smile. She was standing by him now at the edge of the bed. Having to look up, because he was that much taller than her.

She winked at him in response. And all of a sudden, he was bending down, and she was being lifted up in his arms.

"Ah!" she laughed, clinging to his shoulders. "Fitz!"

He chuckled, adjusting her in his grip and smiling up at her.

She sighed, looking down at his sweet face. And she couldn't help but press another kiss to his lips.

He kissed her all the way out her room and to the bottom of the staircase, carrying her in his arms. Keeping his hands on the bottoms of her upper thighs.

Her legs were wrapped tightly around him, like she didn't want to let go of him.

She _didn't_ want to. But she did, and he set her down reluctantly.

She did hold his hand all the way up the stairs though.

It felt like one of their moments got to last through the making and eating of their dinner. Only it didn't have to be as brief that time.

It got to be a couple hours, instead.

She didn't think she could have felt happier during those couple hours with him. Sitting on the counter next to him, watching him show her what he was doing.

Her preparing the quinoa salad they were having as a side dish, while he was preparing their steak to be seared.

Skillet seared steak and asparagus? _Yes, please._

Making sure Hank was fed, and watching Fitz cut off a little piece of steak for him.

Such a happy, spoiled pup.

Hugging Fitz from behind while he stood at the stove. Wrapping her arms around his firm, muscular abdomen. Stealing kisses whenever she felt like it, and him doing the same.

It all kind of felt like...a date. An amazing, wonderful date, with the sweetest man she had ever known.

Except his wife and daughter would be home around 8:30, and then it would all have to end. It would have to go back to how it was _supposed_ to be.

And reality came far too quickly.

Fitz went upstairs to shower, and Olivia went downstairs to start winding down for the evening, before Mellie and Karen returned home.

Mellie came home, still talking on the phone to what sounded like another nurse, based on the conversation Olivia heard.

Olivia had come upstairs shortly after they got home, especially because she knew Karen would likely be going to bed pretty soon.

Mellie gave her a happy wave while she was still on the phone, and preparing Karen's lunch for the next day. Olivia waved happily back as she passed through the kitchen.

Oh, the _guilt_.

"Olivia!" Karen exclaimed from upstairs. "Are you down there?"

"Shhh, your mom's on the phone, sweetie," Olivia called back, as quietly as she could as not to disturb Mellie.

She jogged up the stairs quickly to go meet Karen. She was standing at the top of the stairs, already in her pajamas.

"Oops," Karen said. "I just wanted to say goodnight to you before I go to bed. Mom already gave me my goodnight hug and kiss, and dad said he would be in in a minute. And I already said goodnight to my Hank. So...I am just missing you now!"

Olivia instantly smiled, putting her hand on her shoulder. "Well, you know what? I was just coming up here to say goodnight to you, too!"

"Oh!" Karen smiled.

"Here, come on. I'll tuck you in," Olivia offered.

Karen nodded happily and led her to her bedroom.

She crawled under the covers, allowing Olivia to pull them snugly over her.

"Goodnight Karen," Olivia said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

"Goodnight, Olivia," she whispered. "When Casey and my weather poster board is done, I will show you a picture."

"That sounds perfect," Olivia nodded. "Because I would _love_ to see it."

"Okay," Karen smiled. "See you tomorrow."

Olivia was about to reply when she heard Karen's bedroom door creak open a little further, and Fitz's head peek in.

Her heart. It always leaped at the sight of him.

He was in gym shorts and a gray T-shirt now after his shower, and his curls were damp and perfect. Sigh.

Olivia didn't let herself stare, though, and turned back to Karen. "Yes, I'll see you tomorrow!"

"Love you, Liv," Karen said softly.

Olivia's heart melted, and she smiled down at her. Seriously—she could have cried.

"I love you too, K," she whispered, smoothing the curls back from her sweet face. The face that so resembled the guy who was standing in the doorway with a big smile.

Because he had heard, and it meant the world to him, too.

Olivia got up, heading to the door so that Fitz could now come say goodnight too.

He gave her a smile as she passed him, and she returned it.

"Goodnight, Fitz."

"Goodnight, Olivia," he said back, watching her head down the stairs.

And then she was gone.

He went to go sit on Karen's bed, making sure she was cuddled up like she liked to be.

"Alright. Where's mister sunshine?"

She smiled, reaching under her covers and showing him the yellow fuzzy bear she'd had since she was a baby. The color of his fur—the color of sunshine.

"There he is," Fitz chuckled, tickling her little sides. She clutched the bear and laughed, squirming under the covers.

"Daddy!" she exclaimed.

"What?!" he asked.

"No tickles!" she exclaimed.

"Okay, okay," he chuckled. "No more tickles."

"I'm too old for your tickles, dad."

He gasped, looking down at her seriously. "What! That _cannot_ be possible."

"Mmhm!" she giggled.

"See, I just don't think that's true. Nope, I don't think so," he said, reaching down to tickle her again. She was in a fit of laughter, and it was always contagious.

"You will _never_ be too old for dad's tickles," he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

She was smiling, still trying to calm down from all the tickling. He riled her up sometimes before bed, he was guilty of it. But it made her laugh, and that made him happy.

"Never," she nodded in agreement, holding her arms open for him.

He smiled and leaned down, giving her the biggest hug he could as she laid in bed.

"I love you lots," he whispered, giving her another goodnight kiss.

"I love you lots, dad," she whispered back.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight."

* * *

The next day was Friday. He truly preferred the weekdays to the weekends now, just because he got to spend more time with Olivia _somewhat_ alone.

However, he was meeting Abby for drinks later that afternoon, and he was looking forward to it. So he had a more positive outlook about this weekend, at least.

He'd probably pay for it later, simply because whenever he went out with Abby, it made Mellie act even more difficult than she already was.

At this point, it wasn't jealousy anymore. He knew it had _begun_ that way with her. But now it was just more of a childish dislike, and it annoyed the hell out of him.

He'd taken a lot of Mellie's shit, simply because he'd reached a point where most of the time, he didn't care enough to argue with her. Especially if it was about something dumb. But with Abby, he had _never_ taken her shit. She was his best friend, and that wasn't ever going to change, despite how annoying it was to receive more glares from Mellie than usual, or to hear the comments she attempted to make about Abby whenever he went out with her.

Plus, Abby was one of the few people in the world that he had always trusted with everything in his life. His shit marriage. His job. Genuine advice. She was his go-to, along with her husband and his mother.

It made him wonder about possibly discussing Olivia with her. As of right now, that wasn't his plan. Because he genuinely feared anyone's reaction to the situation he had put himself in. Because he knew it was so wrong. And last time he'd seen Abby, Olivia had barely just gotten to New York and he hadn't really talked much about her. So he knew Abby would be completely blindsided by it, not only because he had been fooling around with someone else, but because Olivia was who he had been fooling around with.

But on the other hand, Olivia was_ important_ to him. So it weighed on his mind all day that day, whether or not this was something he needed to talk about with someone. He was an anxious enough person as is, and holding everything inside always made everything worse for him. So he went back and forth on it in his head, not being able to land on a solid decision.

Olivia, luckily, wanted to spend some more time editing her NYU application essay, so she had been content to stay and work on it after school while Fitz met up with Abby.

And on Fridays, Karen rode the bus home, and Mellie would be home around the same time as her, so he didn't need to worry about that.

He wouldn't stay long anyway, simply because he still had to drive later and would likely only have one drink. Plus, he didn't want to make Olivia wait long, either.

He took an Uber and met up with Abby around 3:30 at Bemelman's, one of their favorites on the Upper East Side.

She'd left a bit earlier than him as he'd been tied up in a meeting, and her office was a bit closer anyway, so she'd gotten a booth for them before he got there.

He stepped out of the car, buttoning his dress jacket and looking around the busy streets of New York City's Upper East Side.

He headed inside, locating Abby immediately.

She was in a pantsuit, her long red hair nicely curled today. She was studying the menu, which made him chuckle because he knew her order at Bemelman's was always the same.

He cleared his throat as he approached the table. "Abbs."

She looked up at him and immediately her face broke out into a smile.

"There you are!" she exclaimed standing up and wrapping her arms around him.

"Hey," he smiled, returning her hug and pecking her cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?" she asked, pulling back and looking him over.

"Good," he nodded with a smile.

"Your hair's, like, five inches longer than the last time I saw you. That tells me it's been _far_ too long," she said, shaking her head.

He chuckled. "It _has_ been far too long. How have you been?"

"Pretty good!" she nodded, sitting back down as he hung up his jacket on the hook near their booth. "David's been adjusting to his new job, so...that means _I've_ been adjusting to his new job," she laughed.

"Right, he told me a little bit about it last time I saw him," Fitz nodded. "He liking it so far?"

"He _loves_ it. I think it will be a good change for him, get back into what he really likes to do," Abby nodded. "He's happier, I can tell. So that's really good."

"Oh, that's so great," Fitz replied. "I'm glad he made the switch back into a more traditional legal role again. Back in your ballpark."

"Mmhm that's right," she nodded. "How about you? How's work been? How's my sweet Karen?"

"Work's been good lately. Been adjusting to Cyrus' move over to my division, which has been good. I can tell he likes me, so...that'll be helpful to me going forward."

"Oh, good, good. I was worried he was going to be..._difficult_ to work with, based on what you've told me about him," Abby said.

"No, he's just the type of guy you've got to get to know well. Get to know how he works and how he likes things done. I think I've done a good job, so he's easier to understand now. And uh...Karen's great. She's got lots of projects going right now. Busy with her volleyball, which is almost over, and piano. And GT and science club, as always."

"_As always_, the perfect child," Abby smiled.

"I like to think so," Fitz agreed.

"Alright, and how's...bridezilla? I hate asking, but, you know. It's polite."

He chuckled and rolled his eyes. "The usual."

"Ah, _wonderful_," Abby nodded. "How much did she hate me _this_ time around when you told her?"

"On a scale from one to normal, actually...I'd say a reasonable seven this time," Fitz nodded, looking down at his menu.

"Oh, would you look at that! Bridezilla's coming around!" Abby laughed sarcastically.

"Let's not get _too_ ahead of ourselves, Abby," Fitz laughed.

"Mm, you're right, you're right," she agreed. "It'll be a ten next time."

"Very possible," Fitz nodded. "My wife, ladies and gentlemen."

"And the crowd goes...'boo,'" Abby said.

"Now, now," he chuckled, scanning the cocktail list.

She just shrugged. Abby didn't care for Mellie at all either. How could she, when she truly hadn't done anything to her, and yet Mellie had always been set on the fact that she didn't like Abby.

"So, what else is new with you? _Oh_—how's having that UNIS student at home been going? David told me after the last time you golfed that she was seeming to like it here. Sorry—I'm drawing a blank on her name."

"Olivia," Fitz said. Her name rolling off his tongue effortlessly. He loved the sound of her name.

"Olivia, that's right, that's right," Abby nodded.

"She's been...really good," Fitz nodded with a smile. "She does love it here."

"Well, that's good. I mean, considering Mellie barely gave you a warning about her coming, and yet _you're_ the one taking her in every day. My god, I would be livid. So I'm glad she at least enjoys it here."

"No, yeah, it's...it's all good. She's...she's really good," he nodded. But he had been debating on telling her the whole truth, so the second the awkward response came out of his mouth, he knew he sounded questionable. He knew it sounded like there was something he wasn't saying. And she noticed.

Abby furrowed her eyebrows at him. "Why did you just get weird?"

And then he started having second thoughts again about telling her, so he tried to revert back.

"I...didn't get weird," Fitz shook his head.

"You did. You just got _really_ weird," she nodded.

"What?" he asked nervously. Shit. _Now_ he _definitely_ knew he was being weird.

"Fitz..."

"Yeah...?" he asked. But his response was weak. So weak.

He needed to tell someone. He needed to. This all had been such a big change for him and his best friend was right there in front of him, inquiring more. This was his chance, as good as any.

She tilted her head at him, and he could see the wheels turning in her head. Thinking about the subject they were on, and his awkward, weird reaction to it.

"Wait a minute," she said, looking at him confusedly. "Fitz."

He rested his head in his hand on the table, looking down nervously at the wooden surface. As he looked back up at her, he felt his heart pounding.

"Okay. Am I...way off base right now or is what I'm thinking...actually...happening?" she asked.

"Whatever you're thinking...you're probably not wrong."

She studied him. His body language. The nervous look on his face.

"There's...no. No way. Absolutely no way."

He winced at her.

"Fuck," he sighed, running his hand through his hair.

She was bewildered.

"Oh my god," she said, leaning back in the booth and looking him over. "Oh my _god!"_

"Okay...okay," Fitz said, putting his hands up to her to try to quiet her.

"Are you _serious?"_ she asked, looking at him in awe.

He sighed. "Yes."

She couldn't close her wide-open mouth. She just sat there and looked at him. And if he wasn't mistaken, he saw a hint of a _smile_.

"In your own _house?"_ she exclaimed quietly.

He rubbed his eyes, feeling stressed. And thank _God,_ their waiter came up to them just then, asking to take their order. He needed a drink.

He was grateful not only for the chance to order a drink, but also, for a second to regroup his thoughts. He could tell Abby was extremely flustered, and so was he—after actually just spilling that.

The second the waiter walked away, she turned right back to him.

"Okay. I'm sorry—forgive me for needing to make sure I've got this right, but..._you_. Fitzgerald Grant. The most...rule-following, non-rebellious man I know. Have been...screwing _someone else_ in your own _house,"_ she said again, as if she wasn't understanding it right.

"Shhh—Abby, Jesus..._Christ_," he said quietly, looking around them nervously.

"I'm sorry. Sorry. I just...I'm having a hard time believing this right now," she said.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Me too."

"Okay—oh my lord...since _when?"_ she asked him.

"Since...well. Last week, officially. But I've wanted this since about two days after I met her, probably," he admitted.

"And you didn't fucking _tell_ me this?" she whispered. "You're fucking around on your wife of _nine_ years and you didn't _tell_ me?"

"No!" he exclaimed quietly. "I was...afraid enough as it is to tell you _now. _It's not...it's not something I really want to _tell_ people, Abby, believe it or not."

She shook her head, putting her hand up to her mouth. She still couldn't believe it.

"Please tell me she's 18."

"She's…18, yes. She's old for her year. She seems even older than that, but," he sighed.

Abby let out a sigh of relief. She sat back and crossed her legs, having her drink ready in her hand.

"Okay. You need to tell me everything from the very beginning. Right now, no exceptions."

He let out a slow breath, and nodded. It made him nervous, but now he truly had nothing to lose, and he wanted to talk about it with someone he trusted, and she was it.

So he told her everything.

Starting right from the beginning. Meeting her, and getting to know her. The whole timeline of things that had happened. The signs they both read. The debacle with Mellie that led to him kissing her in her room last week. And the whole week of events since then. Pausing whenever someone walked by, or when the waiter brought their drinks. But he spilled it all.

And it kind of felt good.

"So...you're not screwing her," Abby said, taking a sip of her drink.

"No," he answered. "I'm not...screwing her."

"But man, oh man, you want to, don't you," Abby said.

He opened his mouth to respond, but then stopped, feeling himself blush. He didn't really talk about _these_ things with Abby. _She_ did, because she could care less, and she actually had a healthy sex life with her husband. But he certainly didn't have that, and he wasn't as..._care free_ as she was about it.

He sighed, biting his lip. And he went for it anyway, because at this point, he'd already told her everything else, so why not.

"God...yes," he whispered, not meeting her eyes. "But it's so much more than that. This isn't just about that."

Abby smiled. "Keep going."

He let out a shaky breath, and tried to keep his glass of whiskey steady in his hand.

"She...makes me feel things. She makes me...feel, like I haven't ever before," he said. "And that makes it really hard when I'm also trying to be...a good man."

She nodded along, listening intently to him. Letting him continue to talk.

"When I'm with her..." he began, pausing briefly. "When I'm with her, I want more. I want more time, I want more of her, I want more _everything_. But I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid of what wanting more..._means_. And feeling what I feel for her doesn't change the fact that it's wrong. It doesn't change that...I still feel _so_ guilty about it."

He took a sip of his drink and set it down, clenching his jaw.

"I haven't...I haven't physically let myself go any further with her. And she hasn't either. She feels just as conflicted as I do—she's said as much, and I can see it and feel it in her. She's...she's so kind, all the time. She never falters, not even with Mellie, and I _know_ how hard that must be for her. She wouldn't hurt a fly. She's not...the type of person to do what we're doing, and...neither am I. We just feel...stuck. She said something to me last weekend. About...this being the worst situation to be in if you have a conscience and a heart at the same time. She's right. That's...that's what it feels like."

Abby sighed, giving him a sad look.

"You don't deserve this, Fitz."

"Maybe I do," he said. "I don't...I don't feel like a good man, Abby. I feel like a shitty man."

Abby shook her head immediately. "You are the opposite of shitty, and you _know _that."

"I _don't_ know that," he shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Fitz," she began. "You and Mellie have stuck it out for _ten_ years, for Karen. You sacrifice your own happiness, every _single_ day, so that she can have what you didn't. What Mellie didn't. You would move mountains for that girl, and everyone knows it. And for ten years—you've never strayed. You've never so much as looked at anyone else. And you know what? Plenty of people in your guys' situation _would_," she said. "Everything you've done in your life, has been for others. So just because someone has come into your life now, that's making _you_ feel these things—doesn't mean you're not a good man. It means...maybe it's about time you did something for _you_, now."

He sighed, looking down at the table. Yeah, he _was_ doing this for him right now and it felt _so_ selfish.

"You are a _fantastic_ man," Abby assured him, reaching across the table and putting her hand on his forearm. "I mean for God's sake—it's been two months of secretly…I don't know,_ eye fucking_; you spend _every day_ together and you still can't even bring yourselves to get to...second base."

He couldn't help the smile that formed on his face, and the laugh that escaped his mouth, watching his best friend try to lighten his mood a little bit.

She laughed back, giving his arm a reassuring squeeze. "Seriously, dude. You've somehow managed to remain extremely innocent in your adultery, and I didn't think that was even possible."

"I don't think 'innocent' and 'adultery' can be used in the same sentence, Abby."

"Well—too late, I just made it happen," Abby shrugged.

He chuckled, running his hand through his hair. "My uh...my lips are still really fucking chapped from first base, so...I need a minute before I hit second," he said.

She was laughing again. "Seriously?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I've never made out with someone this much in my life. I mean, my God...it's constant."

"Alright—I take it back. You are...the most _rebellious_ man I know," Abby joked.

"Oh…quiet," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"What I want to know is...how does Mr. rebellious hide all this from his wife in their own home?" Abby inquired.

Fitz just laughed. "Pfft. Abby. Since when does she pay attention to anything I do? Besides when she wants to discuss something about Karen, or..."

"Or when she has a super stressful day and needs to make a very rare dick appointment with you. Yeah. Good point," Abby nodded.

"I wouldn't have phrased it that way but…yes," he chuckled.

"Well, hey, at least she won't ask for a while now. You've got some time until you have to reject her next request."

"Oh…God. I just…don't even want to think about that yet. My mind's been…working in overdrive already," he cringed. "But, yeah, Liv and I also…just don't talk that much in front of her.

"Ah, yes, right, you save the talking for your car and the many rooms of the basement," Abby smirked. "Or should I say...the _not_ talking."

He smirked back and took the last big swig of his drink. "No comment."

She rolled her eyes, finishing up her drink, too.

"So...we can't go this long without getting drinks again. Because I missed a lot this time around," she said.

"Yeah," he replied, shaking his head. "It's been...a lot."

She sighed, looking intently at him. Putting the jokes aside now, and returning back to the serious conversation that they both knew this was.

"You're still off your meds I assume?" she asked quietly.

He bit his lip, circling his finger around the rim of his glass. "Yes."

"Do you think you should be on them? Especially...given everything that you're dealing with right now?"

"No," he shook his head. "I hate them—every kind I've tried. And I do perfectly fine without them, I always have. I have other ways of dealing that don't make me feel tired, dizzy, or...cloudy."

"Yes, I know you hate them, Fitz, but this is just...a lot for _anyone_ to deal with, let alone someone who has anxiety. I just wonder if they would help you more than hurt you right now."

"Nah. I'm okay," he replied. "I've always been okay."

She sighed at him.

"Alright, I won't push. You just make me nervous sometimes, that's all," she said, eyeing him.

He smiled at her. "I appreciate it, but you don't have to worry about me, Abbs. You sound like my mother."

"Well good—your mother is a very wonderful woman!" Abby exclaimed.

"Yes, she is," he chuckled.

"Have you been home recently?" Abby asked.

"No," he answered. "I need to plan a day trip one of these weekends to go see her, though. At least once before Thanksgiving, anyway, because I told her I would."

"Well, when you do, give her my best," Abby said.

"Of course," he nodded.

"Well," she sighed, looking around. "Should we head out?"

"Yeah, sure," he nodded. "You're meeting David for dinner after this, right?"

"Mhm. Paola's," she nodded. "What are your plans tonight?"

The thought of getting back to Olivia made him smile.

"Not much, I don't think. Gonna go meet her...by my office, and head home. Maybe we'll watch 'Game of Thrones' tonight," he shrugged.

"Mmm, so...HBO and chill?"

He blushed and shook his head. "More like...HBO and subtly cuddle."

She started to laugh again. "Oh my god. You know what, Fitz?"

"Hm?"

"I'm fucking rooting for you, dude. I don't care about anything else. I'm probably supposed to be telling you the opposite of what I'm telling you, but I honestly don't care, because this is different. I've known you a long time, and I've seen you struggle for too long. And I sure as hell know you wouldn't do something this..._unlike you,_ unless it was real. So...I don't give a damn. You're a grown man and you can do whatever you damn well please—you don't need my support, I know that. But…if it does mean anything, I'm rooting for you."

His lips parted slightly and he smiled at her.

"Thanks, Abbs," he whispered. "I...appreciate that. I really do. It means a lot."

"Absolutely," she nodded and gave him a smile.

They paid for their drinks and headed out, planning to take separate Ubers. Until Fitz gave Olivia a brief call, just to have her start heading back toward J.P. Morgan so he could meet her there. He didn't think anything of it, but Abby, however, noticed everything.

"Hi, you," he smiled, looking down at the sidewalk.

Abby just stood there watching and listening, but he was only focused on Olivia.

"Yeah, I'm headed back now. I'll just meet you outside JPM like normal, if you want to start heading there," he nodded.

"Yeah. How've you been? You been getting things done?"

"Oh really?" he laughed, fiddling with the buttons on his coat.

"Yeah, it was good," he smiled. "I'll see you soon, okay."

"Okay," he chuckled. "Bye."

"Oh my god," Abby said, staring at him.

He pulled up his Uber app after hanging up, looking over at her confused. "What?"

"Alright—I have to meet her. I'm coming with you."

"What?" Fitz asked. "Aren't you going to Paola's? That's...that's the opposite way."

"Yeah, but I'll just take a cab or Uber back this way, I don't care," she said. "I have just..._never_ seen you act the way you have tonight, and I need to meet the reason why."

"Uh...yeah. Okay," he chuckled.

"Hey, if I'm rooting for you, I need to meet her at some point," Abby pointed out. "This is so exciting."

"Oh God," he chuckled nervously. "Just...don't be weird, okay."

"Don't be weird? You're telling _me_ not to be weird? _You_ don't be weird," she said, shivering in the cold and looking down at his Uber app.

"Okay. Um...yeah, that's...that's fair," he agreed, scratching his head.

"Wait—she doesn't hate me already like Mellie, does she?" Abby asked.

"No," he chuckled. "She did say she would love to meet you sometime, actually."

"Aww. Look at _her!_ Not being petty and hating me over a drunk kiss _11 years ago_. How extremely rational of her," Abby said sweetly with a smile.

He shook his head and laughed. _"Abby."_

"Hey. Just...pointing things out," she shrugged. "I already liked her before but she just keeps earning more Abby points."

He smiled, looking down shyly. He was actually kind of excited for Abby to meet her now. The excited feeling that always developed when he knew was going to see her was even _more_ prominent now, knowing his best friend in the world was going to see her too.

And he tried not to show it the entire ride there, but he couldn't help it. He was fidgeting with his hands, looking out the window anxiously as they neared his building. The driver let them out on the other side of the street as close as he could get them, but they still had a tiny bit of a walk.

He saw her right away; she was already standing near his building. The walk she had didn't take as long as their drive had taken, especially because of the traffic.

She stood near the edge of the building, hands in the pockets of her white coat that she loved. It fit her perfectly, with a belt tied around her petite waist.

She was wearing heeled boots, and her curly hair was completely down today.

_Oh, she looked so good._

She was looking around, watching people as they passed, keeping an eye out for them. But they were on the other end of the street still, so she didn't see them yet.

"That's her," Fitz whispered, nodding toward JPM.

"Fitz, it is _Friday night_ and we are in _New York City_, can you be a little more specific?" Abby asked, scanning the area by J.P. Morgan.

"Sorry, sorry," he stumbled with a laugh. "White coat. Dark jeans. Brown boots. Or maybe they're...gray? Fuck, I don't know what color they are, whatever."

Abby located her immediately based on his description. "Oh...good_ lord."_

"What? What?" he asked under his breath.

"_That's_ her?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Alright. Now I'm _definitely_ rooting for you. She's…a Goddess."

A smile instantly covered his face and he could feel the blushing again.

"And, Jesus, Fitzgerald, those boots are _taupe," _Abby whispered. "They're really cute, actually, you should ask her where she got those for me. Yeah. I like those."

"What the hell is taupe?" he asked, as they began to cross the street.

"A mix of brown _and_ gray," Abby answered.

"Oh, well good, then I was right," he said proudly.

"No. You said they were brown—or gray. You were wrong twice; they're taupe."

"Oh my god, okay, sorry, they're _taupe,"_ he replied.

"Are you sure she's 18?" Abby asked.

"Uh...yes?" Fitz asked. "Why...?"

"She looks like she could be out of college," Abby answered. "I mean not that...not that she looks _old_, but…she's just very…womanly."

"Okay, you're being weird. You said _I_ shouldn't be weird but now _you're_ being weird."

"Sorry—that was the best word I could think of. _Put-together. Elegant._ Those are better. And I'm _not_ being weird I'm being...observant," Abby said, looking her over again. "She's...wow. She's..."

"Perfect?" Fitz whispered.

"I was going to say gorgeous. But I like your word better," Abby smiled, nudging his arm.

He smiled back at her, looking ahead at Olivia. And it was just then, that she finally saw them amidst the crowded sidewalk of people.

He could tell she was surprised to see him with someone, because that hadn't been the plan when he called her. But her face broke out into an instant smile, because she knew it had to be Abby.

_Her smile. Oh, he was weak._

"Oh my _heart,"_ Abby whispered. "She's so cute."

"I know, I know—shhh," he said under his breath, giving her a wave.

She happily waved back to them, and Abby waved to her too, as they all finally got close enough to one another.

"Hi!" Olivia said. "You must be Abby?" Olivia asked, reaching out her hand.

"Hi! Yes, that's me. It's so nice to meet you! I thought I'd come say hello," Abby said, shaking her hand.

"Oh, I'm so glad you did, Fitz has told me so much about you. It's great to finally meet you!" Olivia smiled.

Fitz smiled, looking back and forth between her and Abby. Two of the most important women in his life.

"He's told me so much about you, too!" Abby exclaimed, looking over at Fitz. He was standing there, smiling. Not doing anything else but smiling at her.

"Hey," Olivia laughed, reaching out her fist.

"Hey," he smiled, bumping it with his. Something they'd always done as both a greeting or a goodbye during their days. It had started pretty innocently, but now he was pretty sure it had become their equivalent to a kiss in public.

Abby watched them intently with a smile.

"So how were drinks?" Olivia asked them.

"Good," Fitz nodded, looking at Abby.

"Oh yes. Bemelman's, always a favorite," Abby nodded. "You know, Olivia, you should come along with us sometime."

Fitz's eyes widened, and he looked over at her as if to say "I thought I told you to stop being weird?"

But Abby just smiled innocently.

And Olivia seemed excited.

"Oh, that'd be really nice!" Olivia exclaimed. "Unfortunately, I wouldn't be able to uh...partake in the drinking aspect, but I'd love to come along if you'd like me there!

"I would _love_ that. We'll have to set that up sometime, Fitz," Abby said, eyeing him.

"Yeah. Yeah, for sure," he nodded, smiling.

"Alright. Well—I do have reservations for dinner with my husband, so I should get going. I just wanted to take the chance to come and meet you," Abby smiled, reaching out her hand again.

Olivia smiled back and shook it once again. "Well, thank you so much for coming all this way. It was a pleasure."

Abby smiled back and turned to Fitz, and he leaned in for a hug. "Alright. Good to see you, Abbs."

"Good to see you," she nodded, patting his back. "Have a good night you two," she said, pointing at the two of them.

"You too!" Olivia said, waving at her.

"Will do," Fitz nodded.

And because Abby was Abby, she gave them both a wink as she turned and walked away.

He rolled his eyes, and couldn't help but chuckle quietly, before turning back to Olivia.

She was looking at him with raised eyebrows. It was clear she'd probably seen the smirk, and after being asked to come with them to get drinks sometime, she knew. She wasn't dumb.

He looked back at her and sighed, giving her a nod. Because he could see the question on Olivia's face, she didn't even have to ask it.

"Yeah," he nodded. "It just...it just happened. I didn't mean to—it wasn't necessarily my plan, but...she just knows me so well and—I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. She's one of the people I trust most in the world. I would never have told her if I didn't—"

"Fitz, you don't have to apologize," Olivia interrupted with a laugh. "I know she's your best friend. I feel honored that you told her."

He sighed, giving her a smile. "She uh…she likes you a lot already. You have Abby points. Abby doesn't give out Abby points lightly."

"Aww. Well, I like her too," Olivia smiled back. "Was she serious about...me coming with to get drinks sometime?"

"Oh yes," Fitz nodded. "She wouldn't have suggested it if she wasn't."

"Wow," Olivia nodded. "So is it safe to say...I have best friend's approval?" she teased.

_"__Yes,"_ he chuckled. "You had it before...she even met you. Oh—and she wants to know where your boots are from, by the way."

She looked down as they began to walk and laughed. "Oh! Tell her DSW."

He pulled out his phone immediately, and texted Abby as they walked.

**Fitz: TAUPE boots—DSW**.

She responded immediately.

**Abby: Lol, thanks. Tell her she has great taste.**

Fitz smiled, and Olivia noticed.

"What?"

"Abby says you have great taste," Fitz said, looking over at her.

"Aww!" Olivia replied. "Tell her she does too. She looked...fantastic. What does she do?"

Fitz texted her Abby "She says right back at you." and then put his phone away.

"She's an Associate General Counsel for Estée Lauder."

And Olivia's eyes could not have grown any wider.

"Estée Lauder? Like...like _Estée Lauder_, Estée Lauder?" Olivia asked.

"Uh-huh," he chuckled. "I think there's only...one Estée Lauder, Liv."

"Yeah. You're right. I'm just blown away," she laughed. "That's so amazing. If I didn't want to be a book editor, that's the kind of company I'd want to work for," she nodded.

"Yeah, she loves it," he nodded.

"Gosh. Everyone here is so...successful, everywhere I turn. This place is magic, I'm convinced," Olivia said.

"New York City?" he chuckled.

"Yes! It's full of...so many opportunities. It's beautiful. And it's got...you in it," she said. "That's...all I want."

He smiled brightly at her, wishing so desperately to reach out and hold her hand as they neared Grand Central. He knew he could have.

It was New York City, and there were so many people that nobody knew each other, or frankly, gave a damn. But he didn't.

He did however, respond back with the truth.

"That's all I want, too."

* * *

Well, things are slowly developing. They're getting there.

I hope you enjoyed meeting miss Abby Whelan. You will also get to meet Fitz's mother soon, as well!

They've got quite a road ahead of them. Glad you're all with me for the ride!

Read on!

~T


	9. Why Not Today?

"I'll just text you when I'm close to done, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good," he nodded.

"Sorry. I've just never been to this salon before so I'm not sure how long it will take, it'll depend. I'm just guessing based on the style I'm getting and reviews I've read on this salon. I would say roughly around six hours, give or take."

"Liv, it's really okay," he chuckled. "No need to be sorry. You already told me how this goes. No worries at all."

"Okay, cool," she laughed back. "Maybe...I'll text you during. I brought my book, too, but I'll need to take some breaks from reading."

"Yes. Do that," he nodded. "Definitely do that."

"Okay," she smiled, squeezing his hand.

He leaned in and she leaned back, giving him a goodbye kiss as they sat in the car, in the back of the parking lot alone.

She pulled back to look at him. "I'll miss you, mister."

"I'll miss you, too," he said, looking at her longingly. "Text me."

"I'll text you," she smiled. She looked at his cute face, and couldn't help but lean back in.

"You are so cute," she whispered, kissing his lips again and again, because she truly didn't want to leave him.

_"__You_ are so cute," he whispered back. "Do you _have_ to go?"

"Yes," she laughed. "Unfortunately I _do_ have an appointment."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry, go ahead," he chuckled. "I can't wait to see you later by the way. I know you'll look beautiful. You always do."

She sighed, looking at him with admiration. She couldn't help it.

"You're so sweet. Okay—God, kiss me one more time," she said, cupping his cheeks.

"Is that...is that kind of like 'hit me, baby, one more time', but different?" he asked.

"Yes," she giggled, pulling him toward her again. "Kiss me, baby, one more time. Exactly right."

"Just...one more time?" he questioned.

"Hmm...okay, maybe a couple more times."

"Okay," he whispered, capturing her lips in a kiss. _"...Baby."_

He said it hesitantly and after the fact. It felt like such a safe, _Fitz_ way for him to introduce it; as part of a joke.

But he waited to see how she would react; was that weird? Were they not there yet? Would they _ever_ get there?

He had kind of hoped so, so he'd gone for it.

She smiled _so_ big against his lips, feeling a rush of butterflies in her stomach.

"Did you just say that?" she murmured, pulling him closer by his jacket collar.

"I did," he murmured back, pulling on her jacket back gently. "How is it...being received?"

She smiled against his mouth. "Well—I don't wanna go now, _that's _for sure."

He opened his eyes, pressing a soft kiss to her lips again. "So...it was received well," he whispered.

"Extremely well," she whispered back, letting her hands travel to the back of his neck.

The man had only recently begun to turn "Liv" into "Livvie" on his own, having no idea beforehand that her mother called her that, too. He had developed that _all_ by himself, and just _that_ was enough for her to go crazy inside.

But this? _Baby?_ Man, she wished she could stay with him.

"I think this has been more than a couple kisses," he chuckled. And yet, he pulled her closer; his grip was impossibly tight on her at the moment.

"Are you complaining?" she teased.

"No," he said, letting his tongue brush her lips. His hands wandered down to her sides, and one of hers moved down to rest on his thigh.

He let out a breath against her lips, opening his eyes to look at her.

She inched her hand up a little higher, maintaining eye contact as she did it. Watching him study her face, and open his mouth a little in surprise.

And then he was leaning back in again, desperate to kiss her again.

She really did have to go. But being alone in a car with him in a completely different town than where they lived wasn't common, so it was clear they both didn't want it to end.

She didn't want to drive him too crazy, though, so she didn't move her hand any higher, either. Instead, she slowly pulled it away, and gave him a few last pecks.

"Okay, I'm _actually_ going now," she whispered, kissing his cheek.

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll see you later."

"I'll see you later," she nodded.

"Bye, you," he whispered, leaning in for one more kiss.

She happily obliged, and then gave him a nose kiss because it always made him smile instantly.

"Bye, you."

And then she did truly have to get out of that car and go. Or else she'd never leave. Kissing each other was a very tempting activity, and one they'd learned it was hard to stop.

He watched her through his rearview mirror, walking into the beauty salon.

When she was safely inside, he let out a deep sigh, leaning his head forward against the steering wheel.

"God," he whispered to himself, clutching the leather of the wheel. He began to smile, thinking about her. Her wonderful scent still filling his car. She affected him _so _much.

He already missed her.

Not just because he missed her presence. But when he was with her, he could shut things out for a little while, and he didn't think about everything else as much.

But of course, when they were _separated_, everything else picked up in her absence. The guilt, the sadness—the anger, because of everything.

It was beginning to get hard. It was beginning to get _really_ hard. Starting to feel very serious about someone, but having it also come with serious _negative_ thoughts as well—was so difficult.

And to make matters worse, they both felt the same way. Two people who were extremely attracted to each other, yet both knowing the not-so-good side to things, too. Both not wanting to fuck things up for each other, but also wanting to push the guilt aside and let things happen. Let things go where they both desperately wanted it to go at some point.

The entire thing was _agonizing_. And yet on the other hand, so so _good_. But both already knew this. This was how life had been for them for a while now. It was just a big mess of conflicting feelings.

And sexual tension, when they were alone. _All the time._

Today, however, they wouldn't have much time to truly be alone, so they'd get a break from _that_ constant feeling. Today was a super busy day, and for the most part, they'd _all_ be together.

Fitz had dropped her off at the salon, and then planned to go run some errands. Later that afternoon, Karen had a piano recital that they were all going to, and then they were going out to dinner afterward with some of Mellie's family members.

So after her appointment, Olivia was headed with Fitz, Mellie, and Mellie's sister and mom, to both of those things, because she hated to miss an opportunity to be there for Karen. Depending on when she was done with her appointment, Karen may come with Fitz to pick her up from the salon, so that they could go right to the event center for her recital.

It just didn't make sense for Olivia to take the car for six hours, when multiple people were running errands and going different places. Mellie still had to go pick up her mom and sister later that afternoon, when they were free. It was an extremely busy day for all parties.

But Olivia just knew that she wanted to support Karen as best she could. And plus, she had heard Karen practicing for that piano recital for months now. She'd feel so proud today, seeing her perform.

But before that, she was _finally_ getting her hair done.

After some searching and looking at styles, she's decided on a style of thinner Senegalese twists that she'd seen.

They were beautiful, and she hadn't done that particular style before, so she was pretty excited. She was _always_ excited whenever she had the chance to get her hair done.

Her plan was to have dark auburn-colored extensions, twisted in with her natural hair. Ultimately, the twists would be pretty long—about down to her hips or so.

And because of the mixture of the two colors, it would come together as a smooth, two-colored look that was both fun, yet elegant.

She'd already shown and told the Grants as much as she possibly could before today, so they had an idea of the specific style she was going to have done. They were completely new to this, so they were a little curious about it all. They had questions, but they were very respectful with their questions, so she was happy to answer.

Karen was particularly cute about it. She was enamored with the look already, and had been just as excited for Olivia to get her hair done as _she_ was.

Fitz, also, had been waiting for her to do it. He had been the one initially to offer to take her to the salon, or help her in any way she needed.

So for all of that, Olivia was grateful. Plus, she'd been saving up for this experience in New York for forever. And being able to spend some of her hard-earned money on things like this—made her happy. Although her studies were more important, it was still fun to see it go toward at least a few things for fun, not just the costs of books and classes and everything else school-related. She'd saved up for these things too. She'd wanted to be able to have a little freedom, and this was a part of that.

And changing up her look and not always having to style it every day was an added plus. Not only would it save effort, but it would save time, too. A _lot_ of time.

Overall, she was pretty stoked for the busy day she had ahead of her.

Luckily she was able to start right at the time of her appointment, which was right at 9:30.

She went through everything with the braider; how she wanted it parted, and the fact that she wanted to be able to still put it up in a ponytail or a bun so she could work out comfortably.

And then they got started, not wanting to waste any time. It was also helpful that Olivia had come with her hair washed and blow-dried beforehand, which saved about an hour or so of the total process.

She chatted with Ava, the braider, for a little bit, talking about where she was from and what she was doing in New York. What she planned to study. All the good stuff.

But she eventually pulled out her phone and sent a text to her favorite guy.

**Olivia: Hi.**

While she waited for him to reply, she started to read her book. She could have brought the most recent book Fitz had given to her, but she had decided to read for school since she'd be at the salon a while, and she could then get a big portion of her weekend homework done. So she read 'The Heart of Darkness', waiting for Fitz to respond.

She looked up every once in awhile, of course, seeing her hair being twisted with another beautiful color.

She was so excited to see the finished look.

And then he texted her back.

**Fitz: Hi. How is it going?**

**Olivia: Good! I'm SO excited.**

**Fitz: Good! I can't wait to see you, Liv.**

**Olivia: Can't wait to see you too. How are your errands? You grocery shopping?**

**Fitz: Yeah. It's going okay. You sure you don't need anything?**

**Olivia: I'm sure!**

**Fitz: How about shrimp?**

She started to giggle.

**Olivia: Well...I do love shrimp...**

**Fitz: I know you do. Looks like I should probably get some.**

**Olivia: Look, I wouldn't be opposed to that idea.**

**Fitz: You are too cute. Shrimp is safely in the cart, miss.**

**Olivia: Thank you!**

**Fitz: Of course. Okay, I should probably stop texting and shopping, I may injure someone. I will text you when I get home. Promise.**

She was _definitely _giggling now.

**Olivia: Sounds good, mister. I wouldn't want you to injure someone. Or yourself. You're very important to me, you know.**

She kind of took advantage of the conversation and snuck it in there, just as Fitz had done earlier in the car with the endearment.

**Fitz: I can't even tell you how important you are to me. I can barely grasp it myself. I don't know what I would do without you. I really don't.**

**Olivia: You're making me blush! I feel the same. I feel a lot of things.**

That scared the hell out of her because it was true. She _did_ feel a lot of things. Things she hadn't felt before, but things she was beginning to understand. She knew what she was feeling. She hadn't needed to feel it before to know what this was.

It was scary as fuck, that's what it was.

**Fitz: I feel a lot of things too. You're powerful.**

He had her consistently giggling quietly to herself, which had Ava giving her little smirks here and there.

**Olivia: You're...very powerful. In many ways.**

**Fitz: I think I'd like to hear all those ways sometime. **

_Oh boy, her cheeks could not feel any hotter at the moment._

**Olivia: :)**

**Fitz: And I would like to continue to make you blush, because I love it when you do. However, I really should go now because I've been parked in front of the seafood section for a while and I think this woman is kind of mad at me.**

She smiled, typing quickly in response.

**Olivia: Right, right! Text me later, don't make the woman too mad! Miss you.**

**Fitz: Miss you. Text you later.**

She put her phone down and sighed happily, looking up at herself in the mirror. Ava had made more progress since she'd last looked up. _She_ was also smirking.

"What is it? Boyfriend? Girlfriend? I know it's gotta be one of 'em—seein' you smile and laugh like that!" she exclaimed with a laugh.

She couldn't see Olivia's phone screen, her brightness was too low. But she could sure as hell see Olivia smiling and laughing the whole time, despite her attempts to be discreet.

However, she didn't know how to answer that. Fitz wasn't really her boyfriend. Or...maybe he was? They didn't exactly have titles.

Olivia laughed. "Something like that."

"Mmhm," Ava nodded. "Always good when they affect you like that. Hold on to them, honey."

_Oh, if it were only that easy._

"I will," she smiled.

And she truly felt like despite the difficult situation they were in, that what she had just said was true. She knew it would be hard, and she didn't quite know what their road ahead would look like. But she knew she wanted him. Whether or not that would happen, she couldn't know. Not right now. But she knew she wanted to hold onto this. Hold onto the things she felt. _Him._

And it made her think about something they'd both said earlier.

_That they didn't know what they'd do without each other._

She had a decision to make in the coming weeks. The program gave students a lot of flexibility when it came to what they wanted to do. Uprooting your life and school wasn't exactly an easy thing to do, so they allowed flexibility and gave plenty of time to decide, which was nice. But she did eventually have to come to a decision about if she was going to stay in New York for her final semester, and if she did, _where_ she was going to stay.

She was about 90 percent sure she was going to stay in New York City to finish out her final year. She'd have to go back home for graduation in June. And depending on her plans for the summer, she'd probably be headed back anyway if she was going to work at home.

She missed her mom and her uncle, she missed her friends back home, and she missed her house.

But here, New York. It felt like _home_ now. It really did. And part of her truly couldn't imagine going back to her school in North Dakota. After everything she'd experienced here—how much she'd already grown, and got a taste of the life she truly wanted to live in this city, she didn't think she could ever go back to her home state permanently.

What she wasn't sure about yet, was where she was going to live. Part of her _desperately_ wanted to stay where she was. She loved Rye, she appreciated the little taste of home it provided with its more suburban setting. She got the best of both worlds living there, but still going to school in the city.

It was a nice town, and it was absolutely beautiful. She had a great place to stay with lots of space, and she had grown to love the Grants. She loved Karen _so_ much. And she felt things for Fitz that were extremely new and overwhelming. Part of her never wanted to give any of that up. Thinking of not seeing them every day flat out sucked.

But on the other hand, the situation with Fitz made it tough. If there was nothing between the two, her decision would be easy. She would stay with the Grants.

But given the situation she was in, she knew the right thing to do would be to leave. To go stay in the city, with the other UNIS students who'd chosen to do the same. It was wrong enough that she was coming between a marriage. But it made it even worse that she lived in their home. It wasn't right, and she knew it.

And then there was the fact that she_ did_ truly want to live in the city. That had been her plan all along; the host family option had been more of her mother's idea. And no matter how much she had grown to love it, the city had still been her original plan. It would save her time in the morning, not having a longer commute. She could see her friends _way_ more often, because most of them didn't live with a host family, and the ones that did, lived in the city still, or at least much closer to it than she did.

Much like her position with Fitz, it was all very conflicting.

So for now, she was taking advantage of the program's flexibility, and weighing her options. She, of course, had to let the Grants know before anyone else, since this was their life too. But as of right now, they hadn't talked much about it.

Regardless of where she chose to live, she already had her heart set on continuing school at UNIS. She'd saved up for it, she had the aid and the loans to do it. This was her dream. The only thing was, her dream had been beginning to shift a little bit. Her dream now included parts that she hadn't anticipated when she came here.

So with these decisions to make, applying for college, the Holidays, and just the crazy busy schedule she had with school in general, the next months would surely be busy.

As time went on, her hair grew closer and closer to being done. She read, she texted Fitz, and she watched the progress being made on her hair. She did stop and have a bigger snack when her braider had lunch, simply because their appointment went over the lunch hour.

She'd had a big breakfast, so she wasn't all that hungry. But she also wouldn't get to eat until after Karen's recital tonight, so she still had a snack to tide her over. When they all went out to eat after that, she knew she'd be ready to eat for sure.

She read way past the amount she was assigned for homework, which she was totally fine with. She thought she may as well make use of her time as best she could. Plus, the book was a good one.

But even though it was a good book, she was excited to be done at the salon. She could tell she was going to be done around the time she thought—about six hours, maybe a tad under that. She knew she was getting there when another available braider came to help finish twisting all the way down to the bottom.

And later, she grew even more excited when Ava began to heat up some water to finish her hairstyle off. The ends of her twists were dipped into the boiling water in order to seal them.

After which, they were cut in order to give an overall polished look, and to eliminate any frays.

She watched her lightly apply mousse from top to bottom, and glanced over her almost-finished look. It looked _so_ good, she was so pleased.

She texted Fitz while Ava applied gel to her edges, and cream to her scalp, knowing she would be done pretty soon after that.

And then she was able to admire her long twists in the mirror. They reached down past her hips, and they were _gorgeous_. The mix of black and dark auburn was _perfectly_ balanced.

All she could do was thank Ava—who had done a fantastic job, and give her a nice tip. If she stayed in New York, she was going to remember this beauty salon in the future.

She knew based on the time she got done, that Karen would be with Fitz too when he picked her up so that they could go right to her recital. Which was fine with Olivia, she was completely prepared for a recital. Her outfit looked cute and her hair was freshly done. Her scalp may be a little sore for the rest of the weekend, but it would be well worth it.

When he texted her that they were there, she happily said goodbye to the ladies at the salon, thanking them again, and headed outside in the chilly fall air.

Fitz was looking down at his phone, after just sending a text to Mellie that they were just about on their way. They'd had to coordinate pretty consistently today, with all the shuttling around they were doing, and with their busy day in general. She was probably in Scarsdale right now as well with her sister, picking up their mother. Her sister had already been at the house for a couple hours, unfortunately for Fitz.

She and Mellie were _way_ too similar for his liking. She and their mother were nice women, he hated to be too internally mean. But it had just grown to be a weird situation over the years. He truly didn't even know how much they knew of his and Mellie's marriage. If they knew how bad it was, or if Mellie downplayed that even to her family in order to keep up the image. He didn't know, but frankly, he didn't care anymore.

When they had been younger, he had tried to do his best to impress her family because he thought he didn't really have a choice. They were young, and they put themselves in a tough situation as young adults, so he'd wanted to show them he'd be a good dad for Karen.

But now, he was obviously way past that point. He and Mellie weren't in college anymore, and he wasn't trying to impress her family anymore. All he did was do his part whenever they were all together, and Mellie did the same whenever his mother was present, too.

So he was used to days like today. And Karen loved her aunt Harmony and her grandma Maggie, so as long as she was happy, _he_ was happy.

He put his phone away after texting Mellie, and looked up briefly at the salon.

And then he took a quick breath.

"Holy...crap," he whispered to himself, seeing her walk out of the salon.

He was pretty sure if Abby had referred to her as a Goddess before, she would have _definitely_ thought so now.

Her long hair in thin twists, all the way down to her hips, and even a bit past them.

He literally had no words to describe how beautiful she looked. And it was probably a good thing he didn't—because he wasn't the only one in the car.

"What, daddy?" Karen asked.

His eyes widened, having briefly forgotten his daughter was _literally_ in the backseat.

At least he'd kept it to "crap."

"Uh...uh—I just thought...I knew that guy over there," he said, pointing to a man on the other end of the sidewalk. "But I realized it wasn't who I thought it was."

"Oh," Karen nodded. "You know, dad, you shouldn't say that word."

He chuckled. "You're right, I'm sorry about that, K."

"That's okay. I still know you are a grown-up. And grown-ups say bad words sometimes."

"Yes. Yes...they do," he nodded, secretly eyeing Olivia as she approached the car. Holy shit, he couldn't stop staring.

When she got a little bit closer, Karen finally realized that Olivia was up ahead, and grew excited.

"Oh, dad! Look at Liv! She looks so pretty!" Karen exclaimed.

_Yeah, sweetheart. I know_.

He had been eyeing her without turning his head so that Karen couldn't see him physically checking her out. But now that she'd brought it up, he turned his head more dramatically and pretended to look at Olivia for the first time.

"Wow. Her hair does look nice, doesn't it," he nodded.

"Yeah," Karen nodded in agreement. "We should definitely tell her she looks pretty, dad."

He smiled. "You're right. Why don't you tell her first. You are her _favorite."_

Karen giggled and smiled. "Okay. I will tell her first."

As soon as Olivia got in the car with a smile on her face, Karen let her know.

"Liv! Liv! You look beautiful!" Karen exclaimed.

"Aww, thank you, K!" Olivia said happily. "You look beautiful too!"

Olivia could tell even as she sat in the backseat that she was dressed up nicely, and she had a cute headband in her curly hair.

"Thanks! Okay, dad. You tell her now," Karen smiled.

He chuckled and looked over her.

"You do look very nice," Fitz nodded casually, giving Olivia a brief smile. Being the way they were in front of everyone else.

But she could see it on his face. She could see the flushed cheeks and the wandering eyes.

He liked what he saw.

"Thanks, Fitz," Olivia smiled. "I'm so happy I got done just in time for your recital, K!"

"Yeah," Karen said nervously, looking down in her lap. "I am really happy you're coming. But I'm nervous."

"Sweetheart, you're going to be great, just like always!" Fitz said.

"Yes. I've heard your practicing for months now, I know how good you are and I can't wait to hear you today, Karen. I know you'll play beautifully! Don't be nervous. You've got this," Olivia said.

She nodded and gave them both a small smile. But Olivia could tell she was still a little scared. And she understood.

"Yes, you do," Fitz agreed. "Mom will meet us there too. She's picking up grandma Maggie, and then she'll meet us there."

"Okay," Karen nodded.

"Grandma Jean is so sorry she can't make it, she had a wake she had to go to this afternoon, she's a little bit sad. But she wants to FaceTime you this weekend so you can tell her all about it, okay? She may want a little recital of her own, too," Fitz smiled, looking in the mirror.

"Well, that will be way easier! I could play for grandma Jean over FaceTime and not even be nervous, dad," Karen said proudly.

"I know you could," he said. "You're going to be great today, too."

"Thanks, dad."

Olivia smiled over at him subtly, and then looked down at her lap. Thinking. Processing. Still so happy about her new hairdo.

It had been a great day.

They made it to Karen's recital with plenty of time before it began. It was in a smaller event center in Rye, but Olivia was still surprised to see how big of a recital it truly was. There were a lot of kids, all of which had been growing up with the best of lessons, she could only assume. Not all were piano players; some played the violin too, and there was even a cello up at the stage.

Mellie met them there, and they'd all saved a seat for her, her sister, and her mother. It was the first time Olivia had met any of them, but they all seemed nice enough. Her sister looked just like Mellie with a little bit lighter hair, and they _both_ looked like their mom. Other than that, Olivia didn't truly have an opinion on them from the brief introductory conversation they'd all had. But they were clearly very supportive of Karen, and that was all Olivia really cared about.

Kids went in order of their last names, so Karen had a bit before she was up to play.

But throughout the entire thing, Olivia could see she was nervous. She looked like her dad when he got nervous—something Olivia had noticed. She would fiddle with her hands in her lap. Just like Fitz.

She did it less, but the hint of her father in her was definitely visible. The shyness in her was also far less than it was in him, but it was one of those times that it was beginning to come out.

During the third to last performance before she was up, her nerves _really_ began to kick in. She started to pull on her mom's and dad's hands, looking up at them for support.

And while everyone clapped for the most recent performance, they took a minute to reassure their daughter.

"Hey, hey. Honey. It's gonna be okay. You've gotten so good at these. Remember? It always feels easier once you start playing," Fitz said, above the clapping.

"Exactly. Dad's right. You'll be _wonderful_. You're _always_ wonderful," Mellie smiled, cupping her cute little face.

"Always," Fitz agreed. "Remember. Take a break, take a breath. Right?"

"Right," Karen nodded.

"There you go, honey. You're going to do great!" Mellie whispered. "We are so proud of you."

_"So_ proud," Fitz whispered.

Karen was clearly breathing fast, looking between the two nervously and nodding at what they were saying to her. Trying to think about the last recital she had performed in, probably. Doing the best a little kid could do to calm themself down in a situation that made them nervous.

Olivia felt bad. And she tried not to feel jealous, seeing Fitz and Mellie do what they were supposed to be doing—_being parents together. _It wasn't fair of her, and she internally cursed at herself for even the hint of jealousy she began to feel. So she reminded herself that _she_ was the one that was out of line. She was the outsider at this recital right now, that was otherwise full of Karen's family members._ She_ was the one not doing what she was supposed to be doing.

She was the one feeling things for the man to her left. The father, and married man.

That was a big part of what killed her. Not only did she feel like she was betraying Mellie, the woman who she definitely had mixed feelings about, but also, the woman who had never been _anything_ but kind to her.

But there was also Karen. She loved her. She felt connected to her personally, more than she had with _any_ other child. And yet, she was betraying her, too. And Karen didn't even know. To her, she was just Olivia, someone she loved and looked up to. When in reality, she was interfering with her family.

The thought of Karen finding that out, wondering how it would make her feel, made her heart _sink._

And so, the pain and the guilt set in all over again, washing away the stupid, ridiculous jealousy.

_Ah yes, back to normal._

Both Karen's grandma and aunt Harmony wished her luck, and then Olivia jumped in just before she had to go up to behind the stage to get ready. She couldn't _not_ say anything to her before she went up there.

"You got this K. Good luck!" Olivia said, as Karen stood up amongst the clapping.

She turned to Olivia, clutching her sheet music in her hand, and smiled. "Thanks, Liv."

And then she was off, to the front of the stage where she would wait to the side before it was her turn to go out and play.

There was another pianist up before Karen, so when it was finally Karen's turn, she had to adjust the piano bench a little bit since she was taller.

Olivia could see her little hands shakily putting the sheet music up on the stand. She took a deep breath, and paused.

Taking her dad's sweet advice.

And then she calmly put her hands up to the keys, and began to play.

Olivia had heard her play the piece _hundreds_ of times.

But somehow, hearing it right then and there in front of everyone, was the best. Olivia was sure it was the most beautiful she'd ever played it.

She felt a sense of pride, watching her play up there. And Olivia couldn't even _play_ the piano. But she'd been there at home, listening to that song many nights during the week. She'd been through it all, hearing her learn and improve.

It was amazing to see the progress. And when Olivia looked over at Fitz, he was smiling. Watching her intently.

It warmed her heart.

She played it all perfectly. And when she finished, she received a room full of applause. She smiled and did a curtsy, as she had practiced.

She came back to their seats with a lot more confidence, and seemed very proud. Olivia sure knew _she_ was proud of her. Everyone around her told her just how amazing she did.

When the recital was over, everyone went in their separate cars to the restaurant of Karen's choosing, since it was her day.

Karen had chosen her favorite restaurant in Rye—a fancy steakhouse that they apparently went to almost every time she got to choose. It worked out well too, as they were all dressed very nicely, to begin with. They had reservations; Fitz had made them last night, so they knew they wouldn't have to wait.

Karen wanted to ride with her grandma Maggie and aunt though, and chat with them since she hadn't seen them in a while, so that just left Fitz and Olivia taking his car to the restaurant.

As soon as they got in the car, he turned to look at her in awe.

"You look...fucking amazing," he said.

And she blushed like crazy, because it was the first time they'd been alone since she'd gotten her hair done.

"Oh my god, thank you!" she exclaimed, looking at him with a smile.

"You're welcome. You're so beautiful."

"Thank you," she whispered, looking at him sweetly.

He smiled, starting the car. He reached over and put his hand on her thigh just about as _soon _as humanly possible after they left the event center.

Mellie called him on his Bluetooth, asking what name the reservations were under since they'd gotten there first, and were going to go save the table. Olivia could tell she was being her ultra peppy self in front of everyone else in her car.

It was weird, listening to him talk to his wife over the phone, while his big hand was currently intertwined with hers and resting on her lap.

She'd learned to deal with these kinds of things, but it never got easier. It only reminded her that they'd put themselves in such a weird, wrong situation. It only made her feel more guilt. And yet despite those things, she could never bring herself to stop doing them. Feelings were so...well, _powerful._

Like right now, she just wanted to hold his hand for as long as she could, before they'd have to stop. She squeezed his hand while he talked over the Bluetooth, and he squeezed immediately back, rubbing his thumb over the top of her hand.

She looked over at him, his curly hair only getting curlier and longer by the day. His nice jacket and his slim khaki pants. His perfectly sculpted jawline and defined facial features. She could look at him for hours.

She toned out Mellie's voice and just admired him, clutching his hand. Never wanting to let go.

But eventually, they got to the restaurant and they _had_ to let go. Very hesitantly.

Dinner was good. The food was good, and Olivia thought Mellie's family was at least kind, as she got to know them a little better. The three women were all very alike, so she could see how it could probably get to be a lot for Fitz to handle on his own when he had to.

The man had to deal with a lot of women in his life in general.

But she had nothing bad to say about them. They talked to her a little bit, asked her about school and what she wanted to do. It was pretty clear that Karen loved having Olivia with them, so Olivia was sure that helped her cause.

Little did these women know, she was screwing around with Mellie's husband. Yet another time in which she felt like the world's most awful person for acting like everything was perfectly normal.

But the way she felt never went away. She felt her heart lift each time Fitz's foot brushed hers underneath the table. Those feelings that she felt couldn't be denied. They were _very_ real and they only grew every day.

The other women mostly talked amongst themselves, discussing how next weekend they were probably going to do a girl's weekend again. They'd done one earlier this fall, Olivia had remembered. Maggie, Maggie's sister, Mellie, Harmony, and Karen would all spend the weekend together, usually at Maggie's or Maggie's sister's house. They'd shop, cook, go out to dinner, do wine tastings at home, which apparently Maggie was really into, those kinds of thing. A way for all the ladies to bond and spend time together, including Karen.

Apparently Maggie and her sister had always done it with their mother, and Maggie had always brought Mellie and Harmony along too when they were younger. Olivia thought it was a nice tradition, and very sweet.

She couldn't also help but think about what that would mean for next weekend. She and Fitz would be alone for…the _entire weekend. _

Last time this had happened earlier in the fall, they had not yet been_ involved_, and Fitz had spent a majority of that Saturday golfing with David, and _she _had spent a majority of Sunday downstairs.

She and Fitz briefly eyed each other at the mention of the girls weekend, and then she _really_ got butterflies. It would definitely be interesting, that was for sure. And she felt guilty as always, but…she was kind of looking forward to it.

However, she would _never_ show it. She just kept to herself, and so did Fitz. They had mastered the art of being nonchalant about _literally_ everything, so that, at least, wasn't a problem.

After their dinner, which was truly fantastic, they all headed home. Mellie's sister and mom didn't stay all night, just late enough to have some dessert that Karen had baked herself the night before, with the supervision of everyone.

Angel food cake, with whipped cream and strawberries to go with. It was very good, and she got a lot of praise for it.

When Maggie and Harmony left, the night really started to wind down. Karen had to go to bed, and Olivia was kind of tired, herself. So after saying goodnight to everyone, she headed downstairs.

Mellie let Hank outside one more time before she went to the sunroom to read a magazine. Fitz, however, went right upstairs to shower. Not surprising that the second they were alone, they both chose to be far apart.

And just like that, their busy Saturday had come to an end.

Sunday went just as quickly. Nobody had any plans, except to do homework and work. Fitz watched football all day while he worked on his laptop, and sipped coffee. Olivia sipped coffee too, read, did some more homework, and _tried_ to follow the football on TV.

Football wasn't her favorite sport, but it certainly didn't bore her. Lots of her guy friends were big into football too. If he wasn't watching on TV, he was always keeping tabs on his phone. He had NFL _and_ NCAA updates—she'd seen them pop up.

She found it super cute, although she didn't really know why. But he'd be doing work on his computer, sneaking glances at her as often as he could. Very discreetly—but he would.

And as soon as the referee blew the whistle, or the crowd or announcer got just a little bit louder than normal, his head would whip up and he'd look at the TV to see what had just happened.

The Giants didn't even play that day, but here he was, keeping up with every other game the day had to offer. Nobody else in the house had any interest in football, so they weren't on the main level. Mellie and Karen were upstairs, going through some of Karen's clothes that didn't fit anymore and could be donated.

At least they had Hank on the main level with them, laying comfortably by Fitz. Enjoying the pets he received every once in a while from his dad.

But Sunday evening came fast. Before Olivia knew it, she was saying goodnight to everyone, and then getting ready for bed. Wrapping her twists up into her satin wrap so they would be safe from rubbing against anything.

When she woke up the next morning, she immediately took off her wrap and gathered her twists into a high ponytail. She still put them in more of a bun, even though the bun was quite big. But she didn't want them getting caught anywhere or getting in the way if she were to keep them in a long ponytail.

She went through the rest of her normal 5:00 am routine; she grabbed a banana and filled her water, and finished getting dressed and ready.

By the time she finished brushing her teeth, Fitz had come downstairs and to the bathroom door to say good morning.

Another part of her morning routine: receiving Fitz's kiss on the cheek.

He smiled when he first saw her with her twists up in a high ponytail/bun, rather than how they'd been the last two days, which had just been down.

"I love it," he whispered, leaning in and pecking her cheek.

"Oh, thank you," she smiled, touching his chest. "You're always so sweet."

"Hey. I just tell you the truth," he replied, heading down the hall to the gym.

She smiled and quickly finished up and grabbed what she needed, catching up to him as they reached the gym.

Today they'd planned to start a more difficult HIIT routine, adding in a mix of exercises that worked out different muscles. It was good to do that every so often, just so you were always working as much of your body as you could.

And if Fitz knew it would be even a step up for _him_, she knew it would for _sure_ be more difficult for her. He was extremely strong— having worked out with him for months now, she knew better than anyone. So she was prepared to be a little sore tomorrow.

They did a little warm-up and stretched as always, before getting right into it. It was difficult for sure, focusing on upper body and abs. And doing a little bit of machinery after that too—_wow_, it would be a nice workout.

Both got extremely sweaty, even a little more than usual, probably. It was definitely one of those days she was using her sweat towel constantly.

Near the end of her workout, she was sitting on the lat pulldown machine, taking a brief break before doing a last set.

She saw Fitz panting near the pull-up bar, taking a quick break as well. He was standing there, shaking out his arms and panting.

And then his hands went to the bottom of his shirt, which was sweat-soaked on the back.

And he started pulling it up and over his head.

She had to hold in gasp, because she literally hadn't seen the man shirtless since the very first time they worked out together months ago, and before that—since her first weekend here.

Clearly he wasn't one to show his body off. And she understood he was shy, but _man_, he still had every damn right to show it off with a body like that.

She obviously stared. She wasn't sure how she _couldn't_ stare. And she thanked the heavens for making their workout hard enough to where they were sweating that much, and he needed to cool off. She could easily take hers off right now too—she knew it would feel a lot better if she did.

But she didn't. She just looked at him for now.

He was turned away from her, so all she could see was his back. And that was totally fine with her.

Olivia made herself do her last set of lat pulldowns, but luckily, could still face him while she did them, and while he did his last set of pull-ups.

She'd seen him do pull-ups with his shirt on numerous times. But seeing him do them with his shirt _off, _was a whole different ball game.

She could see every muscle working—whether they were muscles in his arms, or in his back. All she knew was his back looked _so_ good, and_ so_ muscular.

She also knew she was getting a lot better view of his ass without the shirt on. What a nice ass—good _God._

So she worked out—and watched him on the pull-up bar. Breathing out each time he pulled up, with his ankles crossed, and his muscles flexing with each rep.

He switched his grip on the bar and did as many chin-ups as he could do after that, too.

And then he hopped down, grabbing a sweat towel immediately and running it over his face and the back of his neck.

"Whew," he panted. "Tough one today."

"Yeah," she agreed, wiping her face as well. But she continued to watch him, as he finally turned toward her.

Every inhale and exhale—his abdomen flexed. His entire chest was so defined—his pecs, his abs, his obliques. That six-pack made her mouth water.

She'd seen it all before, it was nothing entirely new. But it had been way too long.

_Wow_, was all she was thinking.

"Really...tough," she added, checking him out. Not being at all shy about it.

"What are you...looking at?" he asked quietly, taking a long drink of his water.

"You. I'm definitely looking at you," she nodded in response.

He smiled back at her, watching her get up from the bench she was sitting on. She started walking over to him, and she watched his eyes wander slowly down her body. She was wearing tighter clothes—she always did to work out. And he made it very known that he was looking at her, too.

"_God_, you look good," she said, looking him over.

He reached out his hand for her to take, looking at her a little surprised after her compliment.

"Thank you," he said quietly, pulling her toward him. "So do you."

She let out a breath and brought her hand up to his abdomen, running it up his chest. Their eyes locked, as she touched his chest.

He was easily the most muscular guy she'd ever seen, let alone _touched_. And her body was letting her know. Her heart started beating extremely fast, and her skin _tingled._

She remembered the last time this had happened; she had touched the scar that she could now see perfectly up close again. Only now, she was touching _much_ more than just his scar.

She felt his firm muscles beneath her fingers, and the light layer of hair that covered his chest.

He was breathing heavier now, since she'd been touching him. Watching both her eyes, and her hand. His other hand rested at his side, clenching and unclenching his fingers.

"Olivia," he whispered, wetting his lips.

"Yeah," she whispered back.

"Kiss me."

He didn't have to tell her twice.

She stood on her tiptoes and leaned in, pressing her hand to his chest harder as their lips met. His arms wrapped right around her, pulling her body into his.

She was right up against him. And since she was wearing leggings—she could feel certain things. It wasn't extremely noticeable, because she had seen the waistband of his compressions sticking out above his shorts. Compressions were known to keep things..._contained._

But she could feel him. And that only made her want to keep kissing him.

His lips captured hers, and he stepped out from the wall a little bit, keeping his arms firmly wrapped around her. But he turned them both, so that he had the more dominant position, pressing her into the wall.

His hands slowly came out from behind her lower back, and moved to her hips. They were warm, and big, on the outside of her shirt. But they started to move again.

He inched them up, still focusing his sole attention on her lips. But his hands were moving.

His thumbs were on her abdomen, and his hands were wrapped around her sides, but they were inching upward.

She knew where they were going, and she wanted him to continue.

Her hands were now on his face, cupping it as she kissed him.

One of his hands had now gone up to the bottom of her breast, while one had stayed gripping her hip.

He took a breath, the very tips of their lips still touching. And he slowly covered her right breast with his hand, massaging it lightly.

"Is that too far?" he whispered against her lips, his hand pausing.

"No—no," she whispered quietly. "It's not too far. It's...please don't stop."

He responded with another open-mouthed kiss, and another light squeeze of her breast.

A moan escaped her mouth, and she only started to feel the bulge in his shorts more. She was so completely enamored with his respect for her, and for her body. But at the same time, she just wanted him to keep going.

His lips on hers and his hand on her breasts at the same time was something she definitely hadn't experienced with him, and something she _definitely_ loved. It made it hard to breathe, especially because she had kind of already been out of breath from working out.

But he pulled back eventually, leaning his forehead against hers as he touched her. It felt so good—she wanted more. And before she could even think about what she was saying, the words had come out of her mouth.

"Do you want it off?" she whispered, bringing her fingers to the bottom of her own shirt.

He studied her eyes, looking back and forth between them and the bottom of her shirt.

"Yes," he whispered back.

A little smirk played across her face, as he stepped back half a step and watched her strip her shirt over her head.

She dropped it to the ground, watching his eyes wander from her sports bra, to her toned abdomen.

Something _he_ hadn't seen since her first weekend here. But she knew she probably looked a little different. More toned. More muscular, even. He and his workout routine had definitely impacted her body in a good way.

"Touch me," she said.

He also wasted no time with her request.

His hand returned to its previous position, and his lips went back to hers.

Only with time, his fingers began to slide inside the top of her sports bra as they made out.

The second his fingers brushed her nipple, she felt completely done for.

She gasped into his mouth, and she knew he was basing his next actions off of her reaction.

So he brushed over her nipple again gently, and watched her open her mouth in pleasure, and close her eyes.

"Ohhhh. God," she whispered, leaning her head back against the wall. "I don't want you to stop."

"I don't...want to. I don't want to stop," he whispered back, leaning down to kiss her neck, and her chest. He pulled down her sports bra a little bit too, kissing the tops of her breasts.

All she could do was watch, and cup the sides of his face. His eyes were closed, but his lips were busy, as were his hands.

She wished they could keep going. But on one hand, she knew they didn't have the time to keep going. It was already 6:00, and they had to leave in less than 45 minutes. And also—Mellie and Karen were in the house. And somehow, going consistently further with them upstairs just _never_ seemed like an option. It felt even more wrong—if that was possible. Considering it was already very wrong.

This was the first time, though, that she knew—if they weren't limited on time, they probably wouldn't have stopped. Her sports bra would have come off, and potentially other articles of clothing, too.

The early hour of the morning had absolutely no effect on their desire. It was only a factor because they were running out of time, and they had to get to the station.

God, it was hard. But she knew as time went on, they weren't going to be able to stop themselves. No matter what, she knew things were going to progress. They wanted it, they felt it—they both just knew.

They weren't always going to be limited on time. They weren't always going to be in the house with Mellie and Karen.

But for right now, they _were_, so they had to stop eventually.

And that made it even harder to leave the home gym.

They did, though, after a few more kisses by the basement door. They put on their shirts and went upstairs to have protein shakes and recover from their workout.

The time they had was little, to begin with, but they had even less time then because they'd shaved off some of it after their workout.

_Whoops._

Thankfully, Olivia's hair took next to no time to do—it was already done. Other than making sure her edges looked good, she didn't have to do a thing.

She didn't need anything else for breakfast either, so she just had to rinse off quickly in the shower, get dressed, and do her makeup. Her makeup was what took the longest, really, and even that was something she'd learned to do _well _and _quickly._

But they both made it work, leaving the house at their normal time and heading to Starbucks, and then the station.

So other than their extended workout, their morning routine was the same. He couldn't drive anywhere just the two of them without his hand on her thigh, or his fingers intertwined with hers.

They sipped their coffee. They chatted. And they got on the train.

But then things headed in a different direction than normal.

He couldn't stop looking at her, and she was quick to notice. She turned to look up at him with a smile, curious as to why he was looking so intently at her.

"How's your day today?" he asked.

"It's...pretty light. Should be an easy Monday," she nodded.

He nodded, seeming happy at her response. "You know, I actually got a lot done yesterday. And...aside from the phone calls I know I'll get—because that's inevitable, my Monday is pretty light too," he replied.

"Oh, that's good!" she smiled.

"Yeah," he nodded, leaning forward in his seat and smiling at her beside him.

She nodded, continuing to smile back at him. But it kind of felt like there was something going on in that brain of his that she wasn't catching onto.

"What?" she giggled quietly.

"Nothing. I just have an idea."

She leaned forward too, nodding at him. "Hit me."

"Please feel free to shoot it down."

"_Tell_ me," she laughed, leaning closer to him.

"We could...play hookey," he whispered.

Her eyes widened. "Play...hookey?" she asked.

"Yeah. You know, it's when you...skip school or work," he replied.

_"Fitz,"_ she laughed. "I know what it means, I just...I've never _done_ it before."

"Me neither. Never in my 30 years of life," he chuckled back. "That's why I said feel free to...shoot it down. It's probably a really stupid idea, but it just...came over me."

She looked over at him with a smirk. She didn't think it was a stupid idea, she actually kind of liked it. But she wanted to know how the idea had come to him.

"What would we do instead?" she asked.

He shrugged. "I thought maybe…we could just have a day together in the city. We could do...really _New York_ things, if you want."

She started to laugh, looking back at him with a smile.

"You're...serious?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I don't...I don't tend to be a rule-breaker, so I wouldn't have suggested it if I wasn't serious."

She understood what he meant, but now she had to tease him for that comment.

"So you don't...break rules, huh?" she asked, giving him a "hmmm" look.

He paused, his face starting to get red. "Okay, you're right. I guess I don't really...have a right to say that," he chuckled. "I..._usually_ don't. Only if...something's really important to me."

"Hmmm, so what I'm getting from this is that me, and playing hookey, are _equally_ important in your life!"

He chuckled again, putting his head in his hands. "Damn. I really suck at flirting," he whispered.

"Oh, no, no, you do _not_," she said, laughing. "I _love_ your flirting."

He smiled, looking back up at her. Studying her face.

"I just thought...me and you are always stressed about this. I'm just going to be honest, we both know it's true. It doesn't feel like it...ever goes away. It hasn't been easy."

She nodded because, _yeah, he was right._

"So maybe we could just have a day together. We could have a day where...nobody knows who we are, or that we shouldn't be doing what we're doing. Maybe we could just...try to be normal, and not think about anything else except...me and you. Because we never get to just think about me and you. So why not...today?"

She looked at him, and couldn't help but smile. Realizing how perfect she thought he was, and how cute. And she agreed.

_Why not today?_

"Alright," she nodded. "I'm down. Let's do it."

"...Really?" he smiled.

"Mhm," she nodded. "Really."

So they did.

Instead of heading right to JPM like normal, they exited Grand Central, and she looked around before giving him a smirk.

"Alright, smiley. I'm ready. Where are we going?"

He smiled and reached for her hand. "Okay, follow me. But we have to ditch our coffee."

She looked at the cup in her hand, knowing she had a few swallows left in the cup, probably. So she shrugged and slammed it.

He chuckled as she intertwined her fingers with his. And then he shrugged and slammed his too, before they threw their cups away.

"Are we going someplace where we can't have drinks?" she asked.

"No. We're just going someplace to...get more coffee."

Her eyes lit up.

"You really are perfect, aren't you."

He started to laugh and blush, shaking his head. "Look who's talking."

She squeezed his hand, looking up at him with a smile. "So...where are we going to get coffee?"

"A place you will _love."_

She gasped. _"Where?_ You're killing me, I must know."

"You'll just have to wait and see," he laughed.

Luckily, it didn't take long to get there. A brief trip down W 40th Street and they were there. She, of course, didn't know where "there" was, until he pointed it out.

"There," he nodded.

She looked ahead at Birch Coffee, thinking it looked pretty cute on the outside.

"Oh, I love it already!" she said.

"Just wait," he said, leading her inside.

And when they got inside, it about took her breath away.

Along with it being an adorable coffee shop, it had bookshelves practically from floor to ceiling on an entire end of the shop.

The style was beautiful inside too—cherry wooden table, floors and shelves, but giving off kind of a rustic feel, too.

"Holy sh...cow," she whispered.

He was laughing, squeezing her hand. "I love it when you can't pick a word."

"There are too many words in the English language to pick sometimes," she replied. "I got that from you, by the way."

"Ah...right. When I burned my hand," he laughed.

"Yes. Your poor hand," she said, bringing it up to kiss it.

He smiled at her while she did it. "Come on. We'll sit by the bookshelves."

_Okay. Yes, please._

They ordered their coffee first, which Fitz paid for again. She protested, but of course, he didn't care at all. He still bought it.

And the nice thing about the place was that it really was a quiet little cafe, so it gave her the opportunity to call into her school. She was a legal adult, so there were no problems with her calling in. It would just count as an unexcused absence. She'd never had one this semester, so at least she was safe from going over any sort of limit. However, she _did _have to lie to the front office people on the phone, which felt way too rebellious for her.

However, she was also in a relationship with a married man—so maybe she was already past "way too rebellious."

Unfortunately, that also meant she had to lie to her mom. Having never missed a day yet, she didn't know if they would contact her mom, even though she called in ahead of time. So just to be safe, she did text her that she wasn't feeling well, and if the school let her know, that's why she wasn't there.

Playing hookey, but being safe about it. _Shawn would be so proud._

Her mom texted her back immediately, telling her to get some rest and feel better.

She felt guilty. But there was something about just pushing your thoughts aside for a day, or at least _attempting_ to. And that was what she and Fitz had planned; to just have a day to focus on them, and nothing else. Be in their own little world.

So that's what she tried to do.

But she did send a quick text in her group chat with her friends, too, just so they wouldn't worry.

Fitz also took that time she was using, to pull out his phone and send a few emails. He was in a high up position where he couldn't just disappear off the face of the earth for a day, but where he also had a lot more flexibility than many others. So he'd keep his phone on, but focus on her.

He still had his briefcase with him if he needed it. Olivia had her backpack too, which she kind of wished she didn't. Oh well. At least her backpack was a cute style, she always got compliments on it.

They finally got to settle down with their coffee in the back corner nook of the shop, at a table between two bookshelves. Truly—it was her dream coffee shop. She was definitely going to remember this place.

"This place...is amazing," she said, looking around at all the books.

"I know," he nodded. "You should have seen my face when I first discovered Birch Coffee shops."

"Are there more than just this location?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," he nodded. "There are quite a few. But this is my favorite one. I've wanted to take you here for a while, I just...didn't know when I would get to."

"Really?" she asked, smiling at him.

"Yeah," he replied. "I knew you'd love it here."

"I really do. Thank you for taking me here, Fitz," she said, reaching for his hand.

He reached back across the table, holding her hand comfortably in his. "Thanks for playing hookey with me. I hope...it won't cause too much of an issue with school. I do know how important it is to you."

"It is," she nodded. "But I wouldn't have agreed to this if I had too busy of a day. I never miss, so missing one day isn't going to be the end of the world. School is important to me. It's always been...the most important thing to me. But I have to admit, Fitz," she began.

He could feel his heart starting to beat faster, as he looked at her. Waiting for her to finish her sentence.

"You are...all I think about. Constantly. You are..._insanely_ important to me. And honestly...having this day with you, just us two. That means the _world_ to me."

He sighed, squeezing her hand. "It means the world to me too. _You_ mean...the world to me."

She rubbed her thumb across the top of his hand, looking at him and listening to him talk. She could have stayed at that coffee shop for hours just talking to him. Saying the things that maybe they hadn't gotten up the courage to say yet.

There were still things she definitely knew she didn't have the courage to say yet.

But, one step at a time.

They talked for a while at Birch, but Fitz had other plans too.

They ventured around the city _all morning._

There were some places she had already seen as part of a little touring day with her school back in September. You couldn't really go to school in New York City and _not_ see some of its most iconic attractions.

But Fitz took her again, and this time, she got to spend a little more time looking around both Times Square and One World Trade Center. Also, more of the Theatre District.

And holding his hand the whole time made the experiences way better.

Throughout their morning, Fitz did have to take a few calls, and make a few in return, which was totally fine by her. It was actually kind of interesting, hearing him talk to people at his work, or people in the business. There was a whole different professional side to him that she didn't really get to see that often. He was always sophisticated, there was no question. But when he was on a work call, you'd never be able to tell he was a quiet guy outside of work. Everyone acted differently at work, she knew that. It was just interesting to see that side of him a little more.

_Sexy,_ actually.

When it got to be time for lunch, he already had an idea of where they were going before she even asked.

"Will I know it?" she asked.

"Nope," he chuckled.

"Is it really..._New York-ish?"_ she asked.

"Mhm," he smiled, as they walked there.

And low and behold, he was right.

New York-style pizza at a place called Uncle Paul's Pizza.

It was only then that she realized she'd never once in her life had New York-style pizza in New York City. That was probably a crime of some sort.

"Oh...my gosh," she laughed as he opened the door for her. "Is it rational for me to be as excited as I am right now?"

"Absolutely," he chuckled. "This is very important."

It was a cute little sit-down Italian place. Pretty small, but also nice, too. There were lots of places to sit, and a counter where you went up and ordered what you wanted.

Before they ordered, he had to go through some of the options with her. They had a variety, so if she didn't want the New York style, there were other varieties she could get.

But she was obviously getting the New York style. How could she _not._

He ordered them a few different slices so that she had options.

They both got their drinks and then sat down. Her stomach growled, so she was definitely excited to eat. And thankfully, it didn't take long for their slices to be brought to them, so they quickly dug in.

She took a bite of her huge slice of pizza. Jesus—it truly was _huge_. And he started to chuckle at her, putting his napkin up to his mouth.

"What?" she blushed, starting to laugh too.

"Fold it. It will help," he said.

She looked at his perfectly folded slice and remembered their..._ettiquette._

North Dakotans definitely didn't fold their pizza.

But she nodded and folded it, taking another bite.

She finished chewing and couldn't help but laugh at his smiling face. "Now you look like a New Yorker."

"Oh, _good_," she giggled. "Now I just need to lose the Midwestern accent and learn to _talk_ like a New Yorker."

"Wait. No. I love your Midwestern accent," he chuckled.

"Seriously?" she giggled. "That was honestly kind of a joke, I feel like we don't really have an accent."

"It's not very noticeable, no. I mostly notice...certain words you say that people don't say here," he said.

"Like what?" she laughed.

"Like...um...what's a hot meal, usually eaten for dinner. It's...it's got meat and vegetables in it."

"Oh. A hotdish?" she asked.

He started to laugh and look at her with a smile.

"Yeah, I know. That's not an East coast thing," she laughed.

"No, we would say casserole. But...hey, I like hotdish," he shrugged.

"Thank you!" she laughed.

"And um...what's this?" he asked, pointing to his Diet Coke.

She immediately started to blush, because this one was more obvious, and she'd gotten teased about it before. "Ohhh I know this one. Ah! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's just...what a lot of people call it where I'm from!"

"No, don't apologize, I want you to _say_ it," he chuckled.

She sighed, putting her head in her hands. "Ugh..._pop."_

"There it is," he chuckled.

"Yeah, that ones bad, I know. It's just...habit. But truly, it could be so much worse. I could call a water fountain a 'bubbler' like people from Wisconsin. Or say 'you betcha' like Minnesotans. Or I could let the strong Norwegian area of the Midwest influence me enough to say 'uff da,'" she laughed.

_"Uff da?"_ he exclaimed.

"Uh-huh," she laughed. "It's like an...'oh dear' or...'wow', sort of. You can kind of use it in a lot of different ways."

"That's...really cute, actually. Can you say it again?" he asked.

_"No,"_ she laughed. "I know I say 'hotdish' and 'pop' but I definitely don't say that."

"Please? For...me?" he smiled.

She rolled her eyes and laughed. "Uff da."

He laughed. "I love it."

"Now enough of my weird accent, I want you to accentuate yours."

"I don't have one, do I?" he chuckled.

"Well, coming here, I wondered if you all would have a noticeable accent, but you really don't either. Maybe with certain words, like you said about me, but it was less than I expected," she replied.

"Yeah, I think...a lot of people expect New Yorkers to have this heavy accent, when...most people's aren't really that heavy. Don't get me wrong, there are many that have a recognizable accent. But...mostly, I'm sure it's kind of disappointing for people."

"Okay, so...if I asked you to speak with a stereotypical New York accent...you wouldn't be able to do it for me?" she laughed.

"Oh, I _absolutely_ would be able to do it," he chuckled.

She gasped. "Okay, then you must.

"Ah. Is this another one of those...you 'didn't make the rules', but you very clearly _did _make the rules situation?" he laughed.

"Yes. This is exactly one of those situations," she nodded. "Come on, _please._ You made me say 'uff da!" she giggled.

He laughed and put down his pizza slice, grabbing a napkin to wipe his fingers.

"You uh...you wanna grab anotha cuppa cawfee with me? Or maybe we could head down to Rockefella Centa? No, wait—I got somethin' betta. I can take you to the Brooklyn Bridge, so you can getta good view. You know—the bridge on the East Rivva."

She sat there with her mouth wide open, staring at him.

He took another bite of his pizza casually, giving her a shrug. "That was...maybe a little on the _Italian_ New Yorker side, too, but...you know. You get the point. I did what I had to do for you."

She still couldn't believe what she'd just witnessed and heard.

"That was...by far the hottest thing I've ever heard in my life."

He raised his eyebrows at her and laughed. "Really?"

"Really," she nodded. "And holding a piece of New York-style pizza in your hand at the same time too. That was perfect. Wow."

"Ah Ah, Livvie," he shook his head._ "Slice."_

She tilted her head at him.

"This is a _slice_ of pizza. And those over there," he said, referring to those whole pizzas being kept hot behind the counter. "Those are pies."

She started to laugh.

"There are so many rules about pizza here!"

"Well, we do take our pizza seriously," he nodded. "Despite the fact that...a lot of the good New York-style pizza options are little hole-in-the-wall places that'll serve you a slice on a paper plate."

She covered her mouth, as she was now chewing and laughing at the same time.

_"Really?"_

"Uh-huh," he chuckled.

"Man. I should have read more about _pizza_ before coming here, apparently," she laughed.

He chuckled. "Yeah. I could have brought you to one of the places like that. But this place has a variety, and it's a little bit nicer. _And_ it's really good."

"It _is_ really good," she agreed, looking down at the slice of pizza she'd almost finished. "And a good thing we had that tougher workout this morning to make up for it."

"Very true," he laughed. "There were...a lot of good things about this morning."

She eyed him slowly, a smirk beginning to form on her face.

"Yes. There were."

His eyes flickered back and forth between hers and the table, a small smile on his lips.

He cleared his throat, wiping his fingers with his napkin again.

"Alright, you want to try this one with me?" he said, pointing to a different slice.

"Absolutely," she smiled.

They shared a couple different other slices, but still didn't finish everything that they'd ordered. Fitz ate more than Olivia could, though.

After their lunch, they went to the Empire State Building, which she had never been inside. It was a little bit busy, because she assumed it always was. But since it was a random Monday in November, it was more manageable.

He paid for tickets so that they could go up there. She told him _absolutely not_—but she'd been learning that he was actually a pretty damn stubborn man.

He chuckled, sliding his card as he bought their tickets on the machine inside, while she was telling him _not _to continue to spend money on her. Especially for something he'd probably done a thousand times—another 'touristy' thing that she knew native New Yorkers probably hated to do.

He, however, gave no fucks.

So they went up to the 86th floor, and she had nothing to do but take advantage of the beautiful view, and take lots of pictures. Even a selfie with Fitz outside on the observation deck. She would never show anyone, but it felt good knowing they had a picture together.

"Send that to me," he said, smiling down at her phone as they waited for an Uber afterward. They were headed to Rockefeller Center to walk around for a little bit. Another thing she had never done.

"Really?" she asked. Almost like she was surprised.

He nodded at her like she was crazy. "Yeah. You look beautiful in it, and I want it."

She smiled, tapping her screen a few more times. "Okay. It's sent."

He pulled out his phone to go look at it, and smiled when he saw it.

_Oh god, he was so cute._

When they finally got in their Uber, he got another call, which he immediately apologized for again.

"Fitz, it's _okay_. You're an important man," she said, reaching for his hand.

He smiled back, intertwining their fingers in the back of the car.

He didn't let go as he cleared his throat and answered the phone.

"Hello, this is Fitz."

She smiled, listening to him talk to whoever the hell he was talking to, about some data they needed.

She didn't understand, but oh well. She was content to lean her head on his shoulder and hold his hand.

He immediately scooted closer to her when she leaned into him, and then pressed a quiet kiss to her forehead while still on the phone.

"I'm not in front of my computer right now, but Ethan's in the office, he should have it."

"Yeah. Alright. I'll touch base with you later this afternoon," Fitz said.

"Okay. Yep. Bye."

"Was it something important?" she asked, closing her eyes as she leaned on his shoulder.

"Nope, it was no big deal," he said, kissing the side of her head again. "People just forget how to look for things on their own sometimes."

She giggled quietly, squeezing his hand. "Ain't that the truth. People need a babysitter more often than not, I've found."

"That is..._extremely_ accurate. And I don't have time to babysit, ever. Especially not today. Today is for you and me."

Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, and she looked up at him with a smile. "Today has been...amazing. I've had so much fun."

"Me too," he smiled, leaning down closer to her. He waited for her to lean back, and touch her lips to his in a kiss.

"So...does today count as our first official date?" she whispered, pressing another kiss to his lips.

"Yeah," he smiled back.

"On a random Monday, during school and work hours. I would have _never_ expected this," she giggled.

To which he shrugged, the cute smile still on his face.

"Why not today, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. _Why not today."_

She knew the two of them would probably never truly stop thinking about the negative side of their relationship. The negative side was pretty big, and pretty _wrong_. To stop thinking about it in itself would be wrong.

But she had to admit. Despite everything, taking that day for the two of them felt…good. It felt _really_ good. They knew they weren't normal, nothing about their relationship was normal. But a day in New York City, where they could actually be together without anyone so much as looking at them twice—it meant a lot. And so they cherished it. After everything, all the internal self-bashing and the guilt. It was all they could do, was _try _to cherish it.

They finished their day off, walking around Rockefeller Center. She had already felt bad for everything he'd bought today, but she made the mistake of looking at the jewelry store Swarovski for about .6 seconds too long.

"Do you wanna go in there?" he asked her, adjusting his grip on her hand.

"Oh, no, God," she laughed. "That's alright. I was just looking from afar."

He stopped them both outside the store, glancing at her, and then in at the store. "You want to."

"What?!" she asked, as he led her to the store.

Of course she _wanted_ to, who _wouldn't_. But she hadn't even said anything!

They were greeted as soon as they walked in, and Fitz just told them they were looking around.

She _hoped_ that's all they were doing.

"We are just _looking_, right?" she whispered, laughing at him.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I see you wear your jewelry all the time. I just thought...you'd like it in here."

"Well, I definitely do," she said, admiring the cases of jewelry. She didn't have a single piece of jewelry from a nice store like this.

"So go ahead. Look around. Act like I'm not here," he said with a shrug.

And just then, his phone rang again, so that caused a huge smile on his part.

"See," he chuckled. "I have to babysit. Give me a second, okay? Go look around."

"Okay," she whispered, accepting the kiss he leaned in and planted on her lips.

She heard him say "Andrew, hey. Did you get those numbers?" before he exited the store. So she shrugged and decided to listen to his advice and look around.

Now she felt like she _could_ without worrying that he'd up and buy something for her or something. So she politely talked with the workers behind the cases, getting little descriptions of some of the things she looked at.

There were a lot of beautiful pieces of jewelry in that store. But there was one necklace that caught her eye the _second_ she saw it.

It was a rhodium-plated chain, with a crystal pavé circle pendant and a separate smaller medallion hanging next to it that had "NY" engraved into it. But inside the crystal circle pendant, was the outline of the state of New York.

It wasn't insanely expensive, but it also wasn't just something she'd just randomly decide to buy for herself. Especially after she'd spent a good amount of money already this weekend.

She internally decided that maybe as a Christmas present, or a graduation present to herself, she'd come back here and buy it. But that was before Fitz came back, ready to see what she was looking at.

She didn't even realize until he was up next to her, looking at her and then down at the glass casing.

"Oh, hey," she said, linking her arm in his. "Get everything taken care of?"

"Mhm," he nodded. "Which were you looking at?"

"Oh, it's nothing," she replied with a shake of her head. "You want to go?"

"No, wait. Which one?" he asked.

"Fitz," she laughed. "It's not important. Come on, let's go, you."

"Tell me," he smiled. "Please?"

_"No,"_ she laughed. "I don't want you getting ideas."

He looked down at the case and studied the options. Seeing if he could figure out which one. She knew it wouldn't be hard to figure out, if he really thought about it. There was nothing else like that necklace in the section, and he knew her well.

"Fitzgerald," she laughed, tightening her grip. She would try to pull him away, except he was far too strong.

And then he stopped looking. "Oh my God."

_Shit._

"Nooo—no," she shook her head with a laugh. "Come on. Let's just go."

"Wait," he said. "You would...you would like this, though. It has a lot of meaning for you."

"I know it does. But I'll come back and get it another time," she said. "I've spent too much money this weekend already."

He shook his head. "No. I want you to have it now."

"Fitz, really, no," she replied. "Please. You spend too much on me."

He started to laugh and shook his head. "Livvie. When are you going to understand that it isn't a big deal? I _want_ to. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to."

She sighed. "It just feels like a big deal to me, Fitz. Especially this. This is...a necklace. A _nice_ necklace."

"I know," he whispered. "So let me get it for you. If you want it, I think...you should have it."

She sighed, shaking her head at him. "I just..."

An employee behind the cases came up to them, asking if there was anything, in particular, they wanted to see.

Fitz was quick to answer.

"Yeah, I think we're gonna look at that one there," he said, pointing to it.

Within minutes, it was in Fitz's hands, and he was putting it on for her so she could try it out.

She smiled down at the pendant hanging around her neck, feeling as though she could actually cry.

It was beautiful. And it really did mean a lot to her.

After that, there was no way he _wasn't _buying it for her. She knew she was screwed, because she was pretty sure the second he saw it, he had his heart set on buying it.

The moment they turned the corner out of the store, she wrapped her arms around him, trying to stop the tears from coming out and being too goddamn ridiculous.

But it just meant a lot. She wasn't sure he even understood quite how much.

Luckily, she hated crying, so she forced herself to push the tears away. She couldn't have them ruining her makeup, which was perfect at the moment. And she was on a date. Hell no.

_Get it together._

"Thank you so much," she whispered, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes.

"You're welcome, baby," he whispered back, squeezing her tightly.

The endearment only made her feel happier.

"I love it. It's...it's _so_ beautiful," she said, pulling back to look at it.

He looked down at it too and nodded. "Beautiful necklace—beautiful girl."

Her smile only grew bigger. "I will wear it every day. Every single day."

He smirked at her.

"You betta."

And then she was giggling, leaning into his chest again. Wearing the necklace that he had bought her. The necklace that showed the state where her heart belonged.

And not just because it was where she wanted to continue to go to school, and eventually work and live permanently.

But because it was also home to the man she was falling in love with.

* * *

**And there was your chapter nine.**

**I hope you all enjoyed it!**

**Things will only progress, but as I've said, it will be difficult.**

**_Stay tuned._**

**Read on, and be safe, friends!**

**~T**

**P.S. If you want to see a visual of how Olivia's hair looks, it will be up on my Twitter and Tumblr! (It's a pretty style that Kerry has done before) :)**


	10. Weekend of November 15th

**Hello, friends. This is just a warning that this chapter does contain content related to anxiety and its severe symptoms. Read on, if you feel comfortable to.**

* * *

"Oh my god…I can't believe I just did that," Olivia said, looking in awe at her computer screen. "I really just did that."

"Did you submit it?" Fitz asked, from the kitchen area of the basement.

She turned toward him, closing her computer screen and nodding happily. "It's submitted."

He gasped, putting his things down on the bar top and making his way over to her with his arms open wide.

She smiled back and jumped into those big open arms of his, and he spun her around in a happy hug.

"I'm so proud of you, baby," he murmured into her shoulder.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed. "But…remember, I just submitted the application. I haven't...gotten in," she laughed.

_"__Yet," _he said. "You will. You got a 33 on your ACT, a 1470 on your SAT and you go to UNIS for Christ's sake."

She smiled. "That is…that is all true."

"Mhm. So...when you do get in, I'm going to be the first one to say, first of all, congratulations. And second of all...I told you," he replied.

"Well—I look forward to that moment," she smirked, pressing her lips to his.

"Me too," he whispered, his eyes flickering between her lips and her eyes. The light of that beautiful necklace around her neck caught his eye, too. She wore it every day, just as she'd said she would.

Her body was so tightly pressed to hers right now, as he held her in this arms. That may need to stop here pretty quickly, though.

"Do you, uh…do you want to go let your mom know?" he asked.

"Yeah," she smiled.

"Okay." He pecked her cheek and set her down, watching her grab her laptop and pull out her phone as she headed to her room.

He was a little bit thankful, simply because now he could adjust himself through his pants and go hide behind the bar for a minute—literally.

He had never quite reacted to a woman this way.

He wanted to believe he didn't know why. But he knew. It wasn't just the fact that she was beautiful, and had a nice body. He had barely so much as seen her in her underwear. For all he knew, she could be wearing a fucking parka, and he'd still be hard.

Because it was so much more than a physical thing. He hadn't felt it before—it was completely new to him. But he knew what it was. He knew why she affected him in _every_ way.

And it scared the hell out of him.

It was a big change. And things only continue to change every day—his feelings only heightened and it felt like things kept furthering.

And no matter what he felt for Olivia, big changes scared him. He would have liked to say he knew what he was getting into before they became involved, and in a way, he had known.

But there were also things he could not have known beforehand. He didn't quite know just how much his feelings were going to make him go crazy inside.

Those feelings were new, so he couldn't understand those before.

He couldn't understand how real it was going to feel, now that he was immersed in this with her.

It only got more real by the day, and that was scary. In the situation he was in—already married with a child, having a real relationship with someone _else,_ was frightening. And it made him even more nervous, because while he thought he would know what to do by now, he still didn't. And he felt like he was responsible. He was older, and he was the one who was _married_. _He_ was supposed to know what the hell he was doing, and he didn't know how to tell her that he still didn't.

As things had progressed, the only thing he knew was that it was only getting harder—_not _easier, to navigate.

He had poured himself a Diet Coke over ice tonight since he was with her, and didn't want to drink. It was the weekend and that's when he tended to want to, but he didn't think it would be appropriate to drink in front of her.

Not only because she couldn't drink, herself. But because he was kind of afraid of what he would say in front of her, if he was buzzed enough.

There were things he wasn't quite ready to say yet.

So Diet Coke it was. He liked Diet Coke. It was sort of one of his "cheat" beverages, because he knew soda was awful for his body. But Diet Coke was addicting.

She came out of her bedroom not too long after, smiling and setting her phone down on the couch.

And thankfully, since his dick had now calmed its annoying self down, he was happy she had returned to save him from his thoughts. Most of the time, his more negative thoughts occurred when she wasn't around.

"Hey you," he greeted. "Did you call her?"

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "She was at the restaurant, so I couldn't keep her too long. But she was pretty gushy. You know how moms are."

"I do," he smiled. "You deserve it. We should…we should celebrate."

"We should celebrate me applying early action to college?" she laughed.

"Absolutely," he nodded. "This is an important day. It will have to be a day—no—a _weekend_ that will go down in your personal history books. The weekend of November 15th."

"The weekend of November 15th," she laughed in agreement. "I guess…it certainly has started off with a bang!"

"Mhm," he nodded. "So? Should I…bake a cake? Brew a…celebratory pot of coffee? Sauté some shrimp? How should we celebrate?"

She was in a fit of laughter, walking over to him. "Well, thanks to your marvelous dinner about an hour ago, I think I'm all good on the food and beverage front. But I do appreciate your offer, smiley."

"Fair. So?" he asked. "What should we do? Your pick, Liv."

And there were _oh so many_ options to pick from, given that this wasn't just any normal weekend.

They were completely, and utterly alone.

Well, aside from little Hank upstairs right now.

But Mellie and Karen had ventured off this afternoon, right after Karen got done with school, to go to Mellie's aunt Helen's house in Garden City with the rest of the girls. Girls weekend number two so far of this fall.

Karen had been looking forward to it all week, and Olivia knew Mellie had to have been, too. So she really did hope they had a good time.

But given that they wouldn't be back until Sunday afternoon, it left her wondering how this weekend would go. She had a feeling it was going to test them. It had the potential to go a _lot_ of ways.

Tomorrow, Fitz did have a day trip to his mother's house planned, since he'd promised her. But aside from that, they'd be all alone here at the house.

So to continue to start the weekend off right, she thought she'd suggest something they both enjoyed thoroughly. "Game of Thrones."

Fitz was all for that idea. They were flying through the series pretty quickly. They were already in the fifth season, and she figured they would be done soon at the rate they'd been going at.

It was _such_ a good show.

So they turned out the lights and turned the volume up loud, watching their favorite show in their favorite spot. They watched for hours, cuddling on the couch.

Only this time, their cuddling didn't have to be as subtle.

Neither Karen nor Mellie ever really utilized the basement much, anyway. But they were still normally careful about how close they were when they watched TV shows downstairs, because whenever they watched something, it was during a time when both Karen and Mellie were upstairs and _awake._

Their workouts in the mornings were a little different, because those always occurred when both were dead asleep upstairs. Not that that made it any better or any less wrong—it didn't at all. But they never feared someone walking in on them.

Tonight, though, they didn't have to worry about any of that.

So she was laying directly next to him, with her arms wrapped around him and her head on his chest. His right arm was wrapped around her petite body, pulling her close to him, too.

They watched three full episodes before they decided to call it quits. If they didn't stop, they'd be up watching season six at three in the morning, or something. It was quite addicting.

So Fitz turned off the TV, which surrounded them in darkness. Aside from the bar light on over in the kitchen area, which didn't have an impact on where they were sitting, it was pitch dark, and silent.

"Whoops," he chuckled. "I didn't anticipate it being that dark."

"Yeah, that was aggressive," she laughed, looking around as best she could in the dark room. She couldn't see much, not while her eyes hadn't adjusted yet.

But she was right up next to him, so she could see his cute face, looking down at her.

"Hi," she whispered.

"Hi," he whispered back.

She leaned forward and kissed his nose, because it always made him smile big. And she loved that smile.

Then she couldn't help but move to kiss his lips, too. They were so fun to kiss.

And so, a nose kiss turned to a few pecks on the lips. Which then turned to a makeout session. All in the dark living room of the basement.

And without even thinking about it, she inched onto his lap. She was in such an easy position to do it, so it made it effortless.

His hands instinctively went to her hips, holding her while she sat on top of his thighs.

She felt his tongue slip into her mouth, which made her moan quietly in pleasure. His hands held tight to her body, his arms wrapped fully around her in the most protective, affectionate way.

Not wandering, not yet. Respecting her—but holding her close. Telling her without words that he wanted to be doing what they were doing.

They made out hard, hearing nothing but the sound of their lips connecting, and their breaths in between.

And no matter what her brain was telling her—she wanted it to keep going. She wanted it to escalate further. She could feel the heartbeat in her clit—the desperation in her body to keep going.

And she knew that she was not alone, as she felt him beneath her.

At first, she hadn't been able to feel, as she'd been sitting too far back on his thighs. But she'd moved up as they'd gotten closer and their makeout session had grown deeper, and now she could feel...everything.

_Wow, _he was hard.

She disconnected their lips, feeling hers wet from his mouth as she pulled back to look at him. She smirked, looking down at their laps

His face grew pink—she could see it even in the dark, that he was blushing. He smiled cutely at her, and looked away from her gaze shyly.

All she could do was smile back, watching his usual Fitz self get nervous.

She couldn't help it. She leaned in and kissed his cheek, and wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug for a moment. Not only was he kissable—he was huggable, too. Especially when there was a bulge in his shorts that she wanted to feel beneath her.

She could feel his heartbeat against her chest during their hug. She could hear his breaths, quick and deep, in her ear. And she swore, she could feel the same thing that she constantly felt, radiating off of him, too. She _knew_ she could.

She wasn't quite sure she could grasp it; it was new, and a bit overwhelming in general. So when their difficult situation was added on top of it, it made it even more overwhelming. But she knew what was happening between them. What had _already_ happened.

And she knew that it wasn't going away.

Much like what she felt beneath her right now.

His hands lingered on her lower back, playing with the idea of sliding down further but never fully committing. She gave him a little encouragement, in case he wondered whether or not he should actually let himself do it.

"It's okay," she whispered, moving her lips to his neck. "It's okay, Fitz. You can touch me."

His breathing picked up, feeling her mouth on his skin. His hands slowly moved, but not all the way. He eased his way into it.

There was always a little bit of hesitation, at least from one of them, and at least at first, which he was showing now.

And she understood that. Because almost nothing they did was "right." Based on what everyone else would think, they were always making the absolute wrong decisions—both of them. But somehow, those wrong decisions felt good, and they felt…_right._

Which was a confusing mixture of feelings to have. No matter what age, no matter what someone had going on in their life, she was sure it was the most confusing thing anyone could ever feel. So she definitely understood the hesitation.

But despite that, he inched his hands all the way down, and lightly squeezed her ass with both hands.

She let out a breath against his lips, opening her eyes to make eye contact with him.

She wondered if what she wanted to do would be okay, or if it would be too far. But she went for it anyway, because the opportunity was right in front of her. Or more accurately, right _beneath_ her.

Using his grip of her ass to guide her, she rolled her hips against him. It wasn't too bold—she'd done it subtly. But regardless, it made him twitch beneath her. So she did it again.

She hard an audible exhale, and got up the courage to actually look at his face again.

His eyes were closed, and he looked more relaxed than she'd ever seen him. That, in itself, was motivation to keep going. That, _and_ how hard he was beneath her.

It was wrong, but it made her feel so good. Not just because it was contact, and she could now feel his hardened length against her. But because she enjoyed watching him react to something she was doing to him.

He couldn't look at her; it was as if his body said yes, but his mind said no. Which, was a pretty accurate description of how she normally felt too.

So she slowed her pace, pausing to look at him.

He was breathing quickly, squeezing his eyes shut. Looking comfortable, yet uncertain at the same time.

"Should I stop?" she whispered.

He finally opened his eyes and leaned his head forward against her shoulder. And then he shook his head in response.

So she didn't stop.

She ran her hand down his chest, and his abdomen. Keeping it down there, but not moving it for a while. Frankly, she was nervous about it herself, but she was also not sure if he would want her to. He was clearly nervous.

She didn't think it was so much the nervousness to physically go further. She was pretty sure it was just the circumstances, because this would definitely be the furthest they'd ever gone. And perhaps, the fact that his family was away on a trip hit his conscience harder.

Perhaps them being alone this weekend was actually going to make it worse for them, she didn't know.

But she kept her hand there, and started to move it lower. His dick was begging her to, and truly, her body was too.

"Do you want me to?" she asked, slowly running her hand over him through his shorts.

Well, she'd never done _that_ before, and _holy shit._

He let out a shaky breath, opening his eyes to look at her. She slowly touched him, but didn't go any further than touching him over his shorts. Not unless he wanted her to. She wanted him to feel just as respected as she felt by him.

"You just have to let me know, okay? I only want to make you feel good, that's all I want. I know...we take things slow—and I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or go too far for either of us," she whispered, kissing his neck. "Just tell me what you want, okay?"

She could see that he liked it. But she hadn't heard a word from him, and she wanted full consent if she was going to take this any further right now.

It had been ages since she'd touched a guy. And she was nervous, not just because it had been a while, but because it was Fitz. And everything about Fitz just felt...different.

But she wanted this. So if he did, she was going for it.

She paused, looking at him. Pulling her hand slightly away from him.

And that's when he spoke up desperately.

"Wait," he murmured, looking at her longingly. "No—wait. Please. Please...touch me, Olivia. Touch me."

She nodded and slowly moved her fingers to the waistband of his shorts, sliding under that and his underwear. She knew she'd probably sit and think about how awful of a person she was later. As always.

But right now, in this moment, this was all she wanted to do. To be intimate with him, and feel close to him. And this was by far the closest they'd ever been, because her hand was now wrapped around his dick.

The breath hitched in his throat the second she touched him. He looked down at her slowly feeling her way around.

"Oh—my God," he murmured, keeping his hands on her ass.

Feeling him bare for the first time was nothing short of amazing. As she began to stroke his length, she could feel how long and thick he was. She'd always wondered—how could she not.

It made her eyes widen as her hand moved up and down his shaft.

_Oh wow._

She felt the liquid coming from his tip slowly, and she was on that _right _away. She leaned her forehead against his, watching him react to her spreading it around his tip gently. He licked his lips and let out a pleasured moan.

She was pretty sure his _extreme_ New York accent was the sexiest thing she'd ever heard, but the moan he just let out, looking her dead in the eyes, was making her think twice now.

That definitely made the light throbbing in her clit intensify, feeling his dick in her hand, and hearing him moan.

"Feels...so good," he murmured, his voice deep and breathless.

She smiled, and she knew right away that he wasn't going to last very long, especially given the teasing that had been occurring before this. And although she didn't necessarily want to think about it, she couldn't help but wonder if he'd been truly touched like this in…ages. The way he reacted told her it had been forever.

His panting grew stronger, and his arms were wrapped around her as tightly as they could be while still giving her room to do what she was doing. Olivia's other hand was holding back the waistband of his shorts, preparing for him to finish.

He moaned, looking down at her hand in his shorts, her wrist moving up and down more quickly now. When he removed his hands from around her and grabbed the neck of his shirt to pull it quickly over his head, she knew he was definitely close.

But he tried to warn her, too.

"Olivia," he panted, putting his hands immediately back around her.

"Hmm?" she whispered, looking at him intently.

"I'm—" he began, clutching at her jeans. Squeezing her ass hard. "I'm close—I'm close."

"Good," she murmured, rubbing her thumb lightly over his tip.

The want and the desperation in his eyes. It made her even more determined to see him finish. She wanted him to feel good. She wanted to see him unravel.

His breathing started to become irregular, and in turn, she moved her wrist faster. He could barely take it, as he locked eyes with her. She focused mostly on his tip to get him there, which proved to make him pant and moan harder.

"Oh—fuck. Olivia—Liv," he pleaded.

She felt the sudden burst of warm liquid on her hand, as she stroked him through it. Not stopping until he was fully done.

She started to slow her pace, and he literally collapsed his head into her chest. Looking so relaxed now, and so exhausted.

She kept her hand where it was, kissing the side of his head affectionately.

"That just...happened," he whispered, tightening his grip around her.

"Yes. It did," she nodded. Her hand right now was more than enough proof of that.

She pulled back and looked at him, making eye contact before she leaned in for a kiss.

He kissed her back, leaning his forehead against hers after their slow kiss. She felt his breath lightly on her lips as he gradually slowed his breathing.

"Your hand," he whispered against her lips.

"Yeah, I know," she whispered back. "I'll be right back. I'll bring something."

"Okay," he whispered, leaning back against the couch.

He took over for her, holding the waistband of his shorts forward just to make sure those at least stayed cum-free. Otherwise, it was just on both of their skin, and that was manageable at least.

She figured a washcloth would be best, so she headed to the bathroom to wash her hands, and then wet a washcloth for him. When she came back, he gratefully accepted it from her.

"Thank you," he whispered, cleaning himself up.

"Of course," she nodded, sitting down next to him and snuggling in again.

It was dark, so she hadn't really been able to see down there, and she wasn't just going to downright stare at him while he did it, anyway. But she wished she could see, given that what she felt had been _fantastic._ Still, she forced herself to look away.

And now after his fast breathing had subsided, the basement returned to its previous silence, and the two of them just sat there, cuddling close for a few minutes.

"Don't get quiet on me now, smiley," she whispered into the dark.

"Sorry," he whispered. "I don't mean to be."

She could feel herself beginning to get nervous because of the silence, after doing something like that.

But then he broke the silence with something that made her laugh, like he always tended to do. Not even really trying to be funny, but he just was.

"And…and I'm holding a cum rag right now, which is making me feel a little awkward," he added.

She burst into laughter against his shoulder.

"You know, there are a lot of things that are hard for me to imagine you saying out loud, and 'cum rag' is definitely one of those things," she giggled.

"I don't know…what else to call it," he chuckled. "That's literally what it is, I…okay, yeah, I'm done now. It just needs to go, end of story."

She laughed, watching him get up from the couch.

"I'm gonna…um. I'm gonna go upstairs and rinse off, I think. Let Hank out, get ready for bed."

Yeah, the rinsing off was especially understandable.

"Okay," she nodded. "I think I'll do the same."

"If you wanted…I could come back down after?" he questioned. "Only if…you want."

Her face softened, looking up at him. "Come back down to stay?"

He nodded. "I did..say I'd take you up on that offer about…sleeping in your comfy bed with you."

"You did," she smiled. "Yes, please. Absolutely."

"Okay," he nodded. "I'll be back down in a bit."

She nodded back, watching him leave the basement.

She walked over and shut off the bar light, and then went to rinse off in the shower quickly, too, to start.

After Fitz let Hank out for the last time that night, he went upstairs and showered, changed his clothes, and brushed his teeth.

By the time he went back downstairs, he gently closed the basement door and pushed open Olivia's already slightly-open door.

She was currently in a robe, her twists all wrapped up, with her foot on her bed as she lathered her legs in lotion.

He had to focus on something else, other than the fact that she was completely naked under that robe. He made sure to stand by her dresser, and not go sit on the bed, because he knew if he were to sit there, he'd get an entire beautiful view of under her robe. Oh, how beautiful it would be. But he refrained.

"Hey," she greeted with a smile.

"Hey," he greeted back.

She grabbed what he assumed was a pair of pajamas on her bed, and smiled at him as she passed.

"Oh, I know. This is definitely the sexiest thing you've ever seen, right?" she asked, pointing to her head wrap. She knew it wasn't the cutest look—her long twists all wrapped up on the top of her head under a wrap. But she had to do what she had to do at night, to keep them looking good during the day!

"Um, _yes,_ actually," he nodded as she passed him.

"Ohhh," she laughed, shaking her head. "You know what? Good answer, actually."

"It's the truth," he smiled, as she left the room.

She went to go change into a pair of shorts and a tank top. She never wore a bra underneath to bed, because obviously, she wanted to be comfortable. On the weekend mornings, she always put something more appropriate on before she went upstairs. So this would definitely be the most scandalous she'd ever dressed in front of him. But, she figured her hand had been covered in his cum earlier, so she thought she was _just _fine.

When she came back, he was stripping his shirt over his head, standing next to her bed in her now dark bedroom. The covers were all pulled back for her, and it made her smile.

"Aww, thank you," she said.

"Mhm," he nodded, watching her get into bed with a smile. She was so cute.

He got in after her, swinging his leg over her so he could hover above her.

"I like your pjs," he whispered.

She laughed. "I know, they're not anything fancy. But they're comfortable."

"They look…comfortable," he whispered, running his finger up her abdomen. He was gentle and he did it slow, but he allowed his thumbs to brush over her breasts. He could already tell she didn't have anything on underneath the tank top, he could feel her nipples beneath his thumbs.

And when he began to see them through the fabric, he had to hope and pray his dick didn't give him away. As usual.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, watching him touch her. He wasn't going to do anything other than what he was doing now, but touching her over her tank top was very enjoyable for both of them.

He leaned down and gave her a kiss, smiling against her lips.

"You tired?" he whispered.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You?"

He nodded back, and gave her another kiss, before settling down next to her. He pulled her close from behind, wrapping his arms around her and resting his hand on her abdomen.

"Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight, Fitz," she whispered.

But before they were able to fall asleep, they both drifted off into their own little worlds. Thinking about tonight. Thinking about everything.

Times like this, when they were left alone to their thoughts, was when things really got to them.

In the moment, things were always different. Like tonight, on the couch. In the moment, feelings were always heightened. It was harder to say no to those feelings when faced with an opportunity to be intimate.

Touching him like that—taking that kind of step. It made her feel close to him. And that's all she wanted.

She was in love with him. Plain and simple. And ultimately, that had become her weakness in those moments.

But after the fact was always when it hit harder. When how wrong it was began to hang over both of their heads. The afterthoughts were hard.

But nothing about it all ever got easier.

But this was another moment now. Falling asleep together was its own moment, and would produce its own set of feelings. Right now, that's all they could at least try to do, was enjoy it.

* * *

Olivia was the first one to wake up. She immediately noticed his strong arm wasn't around her anymore, but she could feel him directly next to her. So she slowly turned in bed, being careful not to disturb his slumber.

He was facing her, on his side, and still completely out. His hand was resting on the sheets next to her. He looked so peaceful, and so handsome.

He was so muscular. His pecs. His abs. All of it, so perfect and right there for her to admire. She was thankful he'd slept with his shirt off.

She put her hand on top of his much larger one, and rubbed it gently, watching him intently.

She was kind of tempted to express her feelings for him out loud, because he was asleep, and she'd never said it aloud before.

But she didn't. She wasn't even brave enough to do_ that._

So she just laid there and waited for him to wake up, which didn't take all that long.

He still slept in, though, at least compared to when they both normally woke up.

His body started to shift, and he opened his eyes slowly. A small smile began to spread across his face.

"Hi, baby," he whispered.

"Hi," she whispered back.

"How'd you sleep?" he asked.

"Good," she nodded with a smile. "You?"

"Really good, actually. What…time is it?"

"7:30," she answered, rubbing his arm.

"Mmm," he groaned, scooting closer to her. "I should…go let Hank out."

"I can go do it if you want," she offered.

"That's alright," he shook his head. "I gotta…go get ready to head to my mom's anyway."

"That's right," she nodded. "How long will you be gone?"

"Well," he sighed. "At least through lunch, because…she said she was making something. Maybe mid-afternoon or so."

"Okay," Olivia nodded. "She probably feels so lucky, getting to see you today and in two weeks again for Thanksgiving!"

"Mhm," he chuckled. "Yeah, it'll be great to see her today. I don't get to her house enough, we're both always pretty busy."

"Well, I know you'll have a great time," she smiled, leaning in for a kiss. "She sounds amazing, by the way."

He smiled and kissed her back, studying her pretty face.

"Maybe…" he began. But then he really thought about what he was going to suggest. "Ah, never mind. I don't…nevermind."

"Fitzgerald, you _know_ I'm not gonna let that slide," she laughed. "What?"

He sighed, shaking his head. "I just had…an idea. But it's…I don't know. I don't know why I thought about it."

"Last time you had an idea, we ended up on a fantastic all-day date in the city. So hit me again!" she laughed.

He chuckled at himself. "Um. Well, I was just thinking…maybe you could come with? But then I realized that was…probably weird, and it would freak you out, maybe, and…and now I'm freaking _myself _out—"

"Wait…are you serious?" she interrupted.

"Uh…well, I mean, yeah. I _was_…serious. But I'm sorry. You do _not_ have to come with, we may be there a while and…and I don't know, maybe it's too much. Maybe it's…weird."

"I don't think so! I've wanted to meet your mom for forever!" she exclaimed.

"Really?" he asked.

"Really," she nodded. "If you want me to, I will absolutely come with you. And if not, that's okay too. I'm honored you asked me to."

He nodded. He couldn't really back out now, that would be…rude. But he also kind of thought it would be fun. Maybe?

Who knows what he'd just gotten himself into.

"Okay," he nodded. "Yeah. You should…yeah. You should come with me."

"Okay," she smiled. "Count me in."

But they didn't have that much time until they had to go, so they pretty much had to get up right away so they could get ready.

Fitz went upstairs to get ready, and Olivia stayed downstairs. She spent almost all her available time doing her makeup even fancier than she normally did it.

There was something so exciting about the thought of meeting Fitz's mom, the woman who had raised him. But as she got ready, she began to feel the nerves kick in, too. This was a bigger deal than both had admitted, and she understood why Fitz had had second thoughts about it.

But she was still happy about it. So she put on a pretty blouse, and dark jeans, grabbing a fancy pair of boots to go with. She, of course, put on her Swarovski necklace, too, as she did every day.

She did her edges, and made sure her twists were how she wanted them. And as she looked herself over in the mirror before she left her room, she had to admit. She looked _damn _good. Her outfit, her hair, her makeup.

Yep. She was satisfied.

So she grabbed her purse and headed upstairs, only to meet Fitz right there in the kitchen.

He was currently giving Hank a treat, all dressed up in khakis and a dress shirt, too.

He looked sexy, but he was much more focused on her.

"You look fantastic," he said, looking her over.

"Thank you!" she exclaimed. "So do you."

"Thanks," he smiled. "You…ready to go?"

"Ready."

So they got in the car, preparing for the decent drive they had ahead of them. Fitz told her that it was about an hour and a half away.

They chatted on the way there, and she could tell Fitz was a little nervous about it too. She hoped he hadn't regretted asking her to come. But he still held her hand and rested it on her thigh the whole way there.

She knew when they got close. The Hamptons weren't exactly…subtle.

Toward the beginning, there had been more "normal" sized houses, at least normal to her. But as they continued on in what she assumed was his neighborhood in Westhampton Beach, the houses grew gradually bigger.

And not only that, but the space between each house grew bigger, too. The yards were more vast, and the houses were more spread out. She had to hold in a gasp when he pulled into the driveway of the mansion before her.

There was a gate, just like his house in Rye, which was already open. The driveway was brick, and extremely long.

And the house was probably even a tad bigger than his Rye house, she guessed. It was absolutely beautiful.

And poor Jean lived in this mansion all alone? No wonder she loved "day trips" from her son so much!

"Wow. This is beautiful, Fitz," she whispered. She couldn't believe he had grown up in a place like this. Good God.

"Thank you," he smiled, pulling up right next to the house at the top of the brick driveway.

"You told her I was coming, right?" she asked.

"I did. But you may have to explain…you know, UNIS and everything. I don't think she quite understands…the program and everything that you're doing here," he chuckled.

"That's alright," she laughed. "I usually do have to, it's kind of a unique program. So I'm happy to explain!"

"But just beware…she's a _talker," _he chuckled.

"Perfect! So am I, so I think it'll work out well," she replied with a smile.

He smiled back. "Alright. Ready?"

"Yep," she nodded, as they got out of the car.

When he opened the front door for her, she stepped into the vast foyer, looking around the _beautiful _home. She kept it cool, though. Or tried to.

"Mom?" Fitz asked, closing the front door behind them.

Olivia heard an audible gasp. It sounded like it came from a ways away, but still on the same level they were on. Who knew, based on the size of this place.

"Is that my boy?" she asked.

He blushed, rolling his eyes at Olivia. She could tell he was embarrassed. "Yes. And someone else, too."

"Oh! Give me a minute, dear, I'm coming."

Olivia could already hear that she was an absolutely adorable woman. She just _had_ to be.

Fitz took her coat, which she thanked him for, and hung both of theirs up on the hook by the front door. They began to take off their shoes, as Olivia admired the beautiful archways in front of her. The grand staircase that was there, too. Goodness.

And a moment later, Jean Grant, herself, came walking through one of those pretty archways.

It took all but a second for Olivia to see the resemblance of her son in her. Those eyes—they were piercing blue like his. Her dark hair was curly, it actually strongly resembled how Karen's hair looked.

Olivia would have had to guess she was in her early sixties, but she looked fantastic. And Olivia had definitely been right in her assumption, she _was_ an adorable woman! She definitely looked a lot like Fitz, except she was tiny—even smaller than Olivia. Probably 5'2, if she had to guess.

Fitz must have gotten his height from his father.

Olivia could tell Jean was surprised, as she looked over Olivia. It wasn't a bad sort of surprised, but it almost seemed as though she was in awe.

"Well, my goodness. You must be _Olivia,"_ Jean said, giving her the biggest smile and reaching out her hand.

She had said "Olivia" like she was some sort of royalty or something.

"That's me!" Olivia nodded. "It's so great to meet you, Mrs. Grant!" Olivia exclaimed, shaking her hand.

"Oh, please, darling. Call me Jean," Jean assured her with a smile. "It is so fantastic to meet you, too."

"Jean," Olivia nodded respectfully. "You have a _beautiful _home."

First name basis already. This seemed like a good step.

Fitz, on the other hand, watched the interaction as he finished taking off his shoes.

His mother was a very extroverted person, and she got along well with most everyone. And so did Olivia. But it was easy to see right away that they kind of...clicked.

And it made his heart beat fast, seeing Olivia meet her. Another thing that was definitely new. It felt big, and scary, and already like he was bringing a woman home to "introduce her to his mom."

It hadn't exactly been the reason for his idea, he couldn't technically do that considering he was married. But it kind of felt that way now that it was actually happening. And it _was_ happening, whether he had prepared himself for it or not.

"Well, thank you, dear! Aren't you so sweet," Jean smiled. And then she looked to Fitz happily.

"My boy," she said, reaching out her arms.

"Hi, mom," he said, pulling her in for a big hug. He kissed her cheek and rubbed her back. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm wonderful, Fitzgerald. _So_ happy to see you. And my goodness, this hair!" she exclaimed cupping his cheeks. "How are you? How is everything?"

Olivia was a smiling mess, watching them. Fitz towered over her, so he had to lean down pretty far for her to even hug him, let alone touch his face. It was pretty cute.

"Everything's good, mom," he smiled.

"Oh good," she nodded, patting his cheek.

"Well come on in, you two! Olivia, darling, do you drink coffee?" Jean asked.

"I do!" she nodded.

"She loves coffee," Fitz agreed.

"Oh, wonderful! Well, come on then, my dears. I've just brewed a fresh pot," Jean said, gesturing for them to follow.

Olivia already loved her, and she barely even knew her.

She glanced over the house as they walked, hoping she would get the full tour at some point today because wow. Just _wow._

She looked around the fancy kitchen, admiring it. It was beautiful, and extremely large.

And her steaming cup of coffee from that nice coffee pot looked like it was going to be pretty damn good.

"Do you take cream, dear?" Jean asked, pouring her a cup.

"Yes, please, just a little bit," Olivia nodded.

"Fitzgerald? Cream or no cream today?" Jean asked.

"Here, I've got it, mom," he offered, coming to help her with some of the mugs. She had three different ones going on right now, including hers.

Her coffee with cream was, indeed, fantastic. And with that cup of coffee came a lot of conversation, mostly on Olivia's end. Just as Fitz said, she had to do a little explaining of her program to Jean, and what her plans were afterward.

From what Olivia gathered, she was pretty sure Jean had expected her to be younger, or something, and not an adult. Because she had been in awe of her since she walked in the door, and then was very clearly impressed with everything she was telling her.

They sat at the cute little breakfast nook table, discussing over coffee. Fitz sat there, listening intently to everything Olivia said. He already knew it all very well, but he enjoyed hearing her talk about what she hoped to accomplish. He enjoyed hearing her talk about her dreams.

The only thing that was different this time, was that she was telling all of these things to his mother. One of the single most important people in his life.

There was no denying now that this was all _very_ real. He began to wonder if it was such a good idea to bring her here. He began to wonder if that wasn't his finest idea—because now he was scaring himself.

Especially because they had connected _right_ off the bat, and that was not how his mother and Mellie were, at all. It was just a change.

Then again, his mother knew he wasn't exactly in a great spot with his marriage. She knew most everything. She understood, and she gave her opinions. But she also knew Fitz was a grown man who could make his own decisions, and that he was in the position he was in right now for a reason. It wasn't for nothing.

So she tended to give the best motherly advice she could, while not outright telling him to do what she wanted him to do. He knew what her preference would be, most likely. It wasn't that hard to figure out.

His mother liked most everyone, but she wasn't a fan of Mellie.

Olivia though. _Yes_, she definitely liked her.

Jean gave her the whole tour of the house, which Fitz accompanied them on, because they were all having a conversation as they walked.

Olivia was enamored with the house, he could see it in her eyes. And the best part, for her, was probably when she got to see Fitz's room. The room that hadn't changed much since he left the house as an 18-year-old.

"Oh my goodness," Olivia said, turning the corner into the bedroom.

"Yes, this is Fitzgerald's old room," Jean nodded with a smile. "It will remain unchanged, for as long as I'm alive."

"Unfortunately," Fitz chuckled.

"Oh, you be quiet now," Jean said, patting his arm. "You're my only boy! How am I supposed to have the heart to change it?!"

"Because I don't even stay in it anymore when I spend the night—I stay downstairs. It's a waste of a bedroom, mom," he laughed.

"Oh, like I've got a shortage of bedrooms in this house," Jean said sarcastically with a glare.

Olivia was in a fit of laughter next to them.

"That's...that's a fair point," he chuckled.

"Your mother got you there," Olivia laughed.

"Sometimes he thinks he's clever with me, Olivia, I tell you," Jean said, rolling her eyes at her son. He was just laughing quietly in return now.

"And my Karen likes it! Maybe she'll choose to stay in it eventually!" Jean exclaimed.

"Yeah, I agree with Jean," Olivia nodded. Both women looked at him, and he shook his head with a laugh.

"Okay. I lose," he nodded, accepting his defeat.

"Yes, my dear boy, you do," Jean nodded, leading Olivia into his bedroom.

It was a pretty standard bedroom for what _had_ been a teenage boy. Gray walls, a nice big bed, a dresser and two nightstands, and of course, a bookshelf in the corner. It still even had a good amount of books on it.

It was a nice-sized room, with a bathroom and a closet attached. There wasn't much on the walls except for a few framed posters above his dresser.

Aerosmith.

"Oh my gosh," Olivia laughed. "Aerosmith?!"

"I know. I could truly never figure that one out, Olivia," Jean nodded. "They were big long before he was even born. And you know, their music is quite…loud. And he's not a very loud person, as I'm sure you know."

"You know, I _am_ still here, mother," Fitz laughed.

"Oh, that's right. Why _did_ you like them so much, Fitzgerald?" Jean asked.

Olivia couldn't stop laughing.

"I don't know," he shrugged with a laugh. "I was a teenage guy—I liked rock. That's…that's all I got for you. You don't have to be...a loud person to like loud music?"

"Well, your taste in rock has subtled out a bit now to alternative rock," Olivia laughed.

"Yes," he nodded. "And expanded to other things as well. But see, I think we can all agree that the posters can...come down now. Right?"

"Absolutely not!" Jean said.

"Why would she do that?" Olivia asked.

He laughed and shook his head. "Well—I tried."

"You can always try. But your room will always remain your room. Just the way that it is," Jean nodded.

"Alright, mom. I'll accept it," he laughed, watching Olivia nod and giggle along with his mother.

"Well, it's about damn time!" Jean exclaimed. "It must be Olivia that's now made this acceptance possible. _Thank you,_ Olivia."

"You're welcome! I'm not sure I did anything, but always happy to help," she laughed.

"Here, come on. I'll give you the rest of the tour," Jean said, smiling at Olivia.

Olivia nodded and followed her out of Fitz's room.

Fitz watched them both walk out happily, and felt a knot in his stomach. And the reason for it, was hard to grasp. He liked seeing them together. He liked it _too_ much. This was how it was _supposed_ to be. This was what a real relationship looked like, and how his mother _should_ feel about a woman in his life.

It made him anxious. More anxious than normal.

He followed them throughout the house, listening to each little story his mother told about it. She brought up his dad, which made him smile, but feel sad at the same time.

She loved to talk about him—because she was still as in love with him as she was the day she married him. He'd been gone for over twenty years, but it didn't matter. She had moved on from his death, because she'd needed to do that in order to heal. But she would never move on from _him_. He had been her everything.

And when Olivia first saw a picture of him, she actually gasped.

She thought Fitz looked like his mother, which he _did_. But the family picture she saw of all of them made her do a double-take. It was one of the last ones they had taken before he got sick, according to Jean.

She said Fitz would have been about six years old in the picture, and he was absolutely adorable. His hair was short, just like it was when she'd first met him. Jean looked like a model, and so did his father. She understood, now, why Fitz looked how he looked.

But his father, who would have been about six years older than Fitz currently, looked _just_ like Fitz. He was very tall, and his wavy hair was even darker than Fitz's, probably. He was built the same way, too. The way he stood, his body language—his entire appearance was just _so_ Fitz.

It made her so sad to see them all, smiling in that picture, not knowing what would happen just a year down the road. That Jean's husband, and Fitz's father, would soon grow so sick. Leukemia.

He had been far too young.

But one thing that Olivia got to see, that made her _so_ happy, was something that was framed on the wall near the living room. A blown-up version of an article that had somewhat recently been written in _The Real Deal _magazine.

It was a look back on what Fitzgerald Grant Jr. had done for his real-estate group in New York City. It wasn't his business, but he had practically built it from the ground up, being hired and told to do what he thought was best with their New York City branch. And he'd done a fantastic job.

It didn't just highlight the work he had done, though. Because it was a look back on his life, and not just his accomplishments, it equally highlighted the entire Grant family.

Olivia was in awe. There was a section written on all three of them, with all of their pictures and a few quotes within. In Jean's section, it highlighted her nonprofit work that she still did. Her dedication to current civic issues, such as low-income communities and housing, the environment, education, and criminal justice reform.

Olivia's opinion on her only went up after reading all of that. For someone with as much money as they clearly had, it was refreshing to see someone dedicating their time and effort to things like that. If only every family with the means to do that in this world, actually did it.

In Fitz's section, it highlighted his work as well, with J.P. Morgan. Being an executive at an extremely large investment banking operations company. The largest bank in the United States, and the seventh-largest bank in the world by assets.

All at the age of 30.

And his picture. Holy shit, his _picture_.

She couldn't stop staring at it. Each one of their pictures was very sophisticated, yet more personal than just plain, standard headshots.

It all began with his father's picture. He was sitting on a chair, looking at the camera, which had to have been a ways away. He looked like Fitz, because that picture was a much younger picture of him. He wasn't smiling, though. He looked kind of badass, actually.

Jean's was the same, although hers was obviously more recent, so she was older. She was standing up in hers, though, with a suit on as well. Her arms were crossed over her chest, and she was looking at the camera like she was the baddest bitch in town, doing _all_ the things.

She had every right!

And then there was their son's picture. The one Olivia could not, for the love of God, take her eyes off of.

He was in what looked like a tux, sitting on a cream-colored couch, with a wooden frame. He had no tie on, though, and his jacket and top button on his collar were unbuttoned. He had one leg crossed over the other, and both arms resting on the back of the couch. Looking dead at the camera as if he was the most important man in New York City. No smile.

He, too, looked like a badass.

His hair in the picture was longer than it was when she had met him, but a little shorter than it was now. It was strictly styled with product in the picture, so his curls weren't visible. It appeared more wavy than curly.

He looked absolutely fantastic.

"Wow," Olivia noted, scanning the whole framed magazine spread again. "This piece was so well done."

"I know. They did a really good job with it, I think. I'm glad my dear husband's work is still appreciated, even though he's been gone so long. They just did this last year, you know," Jean nodded.

"That's amazing," Olivia nodded. "So I suppose you had to be interviewed for this then?"

"Oh yes. And we had to spend a good portion of a morning at a photoshoot for those featured pictures. They wanted to imitate the picture Gerry had done, all those years ago. They were very clear that they didn't want headshots—not for this type of intimate piece."

"That makes sense," Olivia nodded. "I love those pictures. They all look _fantastic."_

"Well, thank you, Olivia!" Jean said. "Fitz had to bear with me that day. Photoshoots aren't his favorite thing."

Olivia smiled, looking back at Fitz who was also smiling.

"Yeah. I just showed up, wore what I was told to wear and posed how I was told to pose. I'm not…I'm not really photogenic," he chuckled.

"I beg to differ," Olivia questioned, pointing to his picture. "It looks like it to me!"

"Yes, my dear, I'm afraid you're going to lose on this one, again, too. You look _so_ handsome. Just like your dad," Jean said, smiling at her husband's photo.

Olivia nodded in agreement, giving him a smile.

He wasn't going to win against Olivia and Jean—not today!

Olivia had a _great_ time visiting with him and his mother. She got to hear _all_ the stories about Fitz as a kid, look at more pictures that she had, and got to have a wonderful lunch, cooked by Jean. Clearly, she'd transferred her skills in the kitchen to Fitz.

And she just got to have everyday conversation with them, too. She enjoyed seeing and hearing him interact with his mom. They very clearly had an amazing relationship—teasing intermingled into it, which made Olivia laugh.

She could tell he was her whole world. She had nothing left aside from him and her work, so she understood. It was nice to see, and very cute.

But Olivia couldn't help but notice that something with Fitz seemed a little off. It was like he was happy, but his mind was elsewhere. They'd been fine this morning. He had been the one to invite her to meet his mother for God's sake.

She couldn't really put it together, not while they were there with his mother, at least. So when they started to say goodbye and grabbed their things, she knew she needed to ask him as soon as they got in the car.

Fitz pulled his mother in for a big hug in the entryway, telling her he'd see her soon and that he loved her.

"I love you too, honey, thank you for coming," she replied. And Olivia saw her whisper something else to him, although she couldn't hear what exactly it was. But she looked away, and began to put on her boots so that it didn't seem like she was trying to eavesdrop. And she really wasn't trying to, it wasn't her business. But she heard Fitz responding to her quietly, too, both with a shake of his head and with a few quiet whispers.

Jean pulled back then and headed toward Olivia next. And she opened her arms for a hug.

Olivia smiled and hugged her back, surprised that she was actually getting one. She felt honored.

"It was so good to meet you, dear," Jean said, squeezing her tight. "You come back anytime, okay? You are always welcome here."

"Thank you so much for allowing me to come," Olivia nodded. "It was so good to meet you, too!"

Jean rubbed her back and pulled back, giving her a smile.

"Your necklace is beautiful, by the way," Jean said, pointing to it. "I noticed it earlier and thought it was just _perfect_ for you. A reminder of where you want to be!"

Olivia smiled, touching her necklace and nodded. "Exactly right."

Jean Grant had it all right. Except...she didn't know that her son was the one who had given it to her. If Olivia ever said "uff da," this would definitely be the time to use the expression.

Fitz stood behind them awkwardly, looking almost nervously at them, and then at the ground. Olivia knew it wasn't just about the damn necklace. Something had seemed off for a while. And she was almost positive that his mother had noticed it too, hence the whispering. She wasn't totally sure that was what it was about, but she thought it was a fair guess.

So when they finally got settled in the car, she had to ask.

"Hey, is everything okay, Fitz?" Olivia asked.

"Huh?" he asked back, looking over at her. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Why…wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know. I just thought maybe you seemed a bit off," she shrugged. "Did I say or do something?"

"No, God no," he shook his head. "Everything is okay."

_Hmm. _

"Okay," Olivia said hesitantly. "You can always talk to me. If something's not okay, I would...like to know."

That conversation sounded familiar. Only it had been the other way around last time.

He nodded back, but didn't say anything in return. He just slowly moved his hand over to her thigh, giving it a light squeeze. He opened his palm, waiting for her to slip her hand in his, like she always did.

So she did, hoping to show him that she was right there for him. She didn't want him to shut himself off. But she also knew everyone needed some time to think, or process—she knew that from experience. Although, she didn't know if that's what he was doing right now, or if there was something on his mind that he _did_ need to think about or process. She just thought she'd let him be for a little while and revisit later when they were home.

But the drive was kind of quiet. So that left her with nothing to do but think.

She started to grow nervous. What if she _had_ done something? What if he was regretting today, or regretting _more_ than that? She couldn't say she would blame him. It wasn't a good position to be in at all for either of them, she thought about it every day. Had the trip to his mom's done it—had it gone too far? Was it ever going to go "too far"?

Her mind was a whirlwind of chaos in the car, thinking about everything that could be wrong. Which had the potential to be a lot of things, honestly.

When they got hot come, he immediately went to go let Hank out, and she stopped by the top of the basement stairs.

"I'm going to go change into some comfier clothes, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded. "Yeah, I'm gonna go…do the same."

"Okay," she replied. "Afterward…why don't you come downstairs, okay? Maybe we can talk?"

"Um…yeah. Yeah, okay," he nodded slowly. He went up to his room, knowing she was right and that he needed to go down and talk with her. He couldn't push it aside, especially when he had been so adamant that she tell him what was wrong over a month ago. He had been in her exact shoes, he knew that she was likely worried if she had asked to talk.

His mind raced as he picked out a random outfit. His mind wasn't busy just with the aspects of today and this weekend. Not just from having Olivia meet his mother—although that was certainly a large part of his thoughts.

He regretted that. He wished he hadn't invited her, as awful as it was to think. But it was freaking him out now, and that had been entirely his fault.

He changed extremely fast, just putting on a T-shirt and shorts. But he wasn't paying attention to his clothes at all.

He was thinking about seeing his mother hug her, like she was family, or something. Exactly like he wished that she was.

Thinking about the fact that his daughter and wife were still away, not even aware of what had been going on at home. Regardless of how he felt about Mellie, the thought still made him feel ashamed—something he was quite used to feeling by now. And the thought of Karen made it worse.

Thinking about what he now felt for Olivia, and what that meant for him in his personal situation. A situation that didn't feel easy to get out of. A situation where he had to put others before himself, because his feelings weren't the top priority.

But he had put _himself_ in this situation. He had done this _all_ to himself.

He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he walked back down to the main level, and then toward the basement. He felt a buzz in his pocket while he was halfway down the basement stairs, so he shakily pulled it out and looked at the text he had received.

It was a text message from Karen—a response to the message he had sent her earlier, asking how she was, and if she was having fun.

It read:

**We are having so much fun, dad! What are you and Liv doing for the weekend so far? Are you having fun too?**

He read it over and over, thinking about the answer to that question.

They'd fucked around in the basement. They'd slept together. She'd met his mother.

And it made his heart beat even faster. It wasn't just the text from his sweet daughter that had done it. It had all been building up for a while—a product of things that had solely been his fault. But with everything today, and that message he kept reading, it pushed him too far, over an edge he hadn't reached in a long time.

He reached out and put his palm to the wall of the stairwell, making his way slowly down the rest of the stairs. Trying to calm his heart rate and slow his breathing, as he began to feel dizzy.

He tried. He tried so hard, but it couldn't be controlled. It wasn't something he could always help.

His breathing began to pick up more as he reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Olivia. Olivia—" he said, trying to get her attention. He needed to sit down, he needed to so badly.

He made it to her door alright, because it was his closest option, anyway. It was already slightly open, and the second he pushed it open further, he felt bad, because she was in the process of putting on a pair of joggers. He saw her body in just underwear and a bra. But he didn't have the mental capacity to even think about it right now, he just apologized nonetheless.

"Sorry. Sorry—I…I'm sorry—" he got out.

"Fitz, it's fine. Your tongue is..._routinely_ in my mouth and my hand was down your pants yesterday, so I think you're alright to see me in my underwear," she laughed.

_Oh God, that comment didn't help at all_.

His breathing then really started to get out of control, and he had to reach out to the door frame for support because he was dizzy.

She turned to look at him now, and from the moment she saw him, she knew something was _so_ extremely wrong.

"Oh God. Fitz—Fitz, what's wrong?" she asked, her voice panicked.

He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to stop it. But he couldn't. He couldn't do it.

"Oh—fuck," he whispered, clutching the doorframe. Because he knew it was happening now—in front of her. He didn't even have the chance to feel embarrassed about it, because he had enough going on in his head right now.

Olivia finished putting on her clothes _so_ fast, immediately rushing over to him. "Fitz? Fitz. What's wrong, baby, please tell me. Please tell me."

"Bed. Bed—" he murmured, holding so tightly to her hand.

She was freaking out inside, because she had never seen him like this, or anyone for that matter. But she listened to what he said, leading him to her bed quickly, but carefully. Luckily, it wasn't all that far from the door.

By the time he sat down, he was breathing so hard and so fast that he was almost _wheezing_. He leaned his head down, squeezing her hands on his lap tightly.

His heart raced, and he started to feel extremely short of breath. The dizziness began to hit him harder despite sitting down, and the numbness in his fingers began to take over.

She was terrified, because she had absolutely no idea what to do. She had never experienced something like this in her life, but it didn't take long for her to realize he was having some sort of attack. She remembered something he had said to her on the train once. Something he had said to his daughter before she played at her piano recital:

"Take a break. Take a breath."

He did his deep breathing techniques, tried to unclench his muscles and relax his body, kept his eyes shut, and pictured his happy place.

All he could do was try to divert his attention, so he thought about his daughter. He thought about Olivia, who was currently trying to help. Her voice felt distant to him, but he still heard her beautiful voice. Telling him the very thing his father used to tell him when he was a kid, and needed to hear it.

"Hey, hey. Baby. Take a break. Take a breath. Right?" she whispered, rubbing her thumbs over his hands. "Breathe, Fitz. Breathe."

She did her best. She tried so hard to help, not knowing if it was effective or not, because she'd never witnessed something like this in her life. She was about ready to take out her phone and call 9-1-1, it was that scary.

But slowly, it began to die down. He was listening to her, trying to actively slow his breaths. Although he felt like he was going to faint, he knew he wouldn't. He never did, when this happened. His body made it feel as though he was going to, but he always had to remind himself he would be okay.

No matter what, it would end. Every anxiety attack always ended.

He realized he was gripping Olivia's hands so hard, so he eased up, and began to feel his fingers again as the numbness slowly disappeared.

He was still almost wheezing. But he got a hold of that within a few moments, too. Gaining his full control back.

He slowly opened his eyes, still feeling his heart rate coming back to its normal rate.

He sighed deeply, moving his hands to her comforter to brace himself on her bed.

He was alright. He was okay.

"Maybe everyone…is right. Should be on that…stupid medication," he muttered to himself quietly. Although, he knew it couldn't prevent attacks. It could help. But it had always pissed him off more than it helped him. It hindered his mind, and he didn't like that at all, especially not with his job—he needed a completely clear head for that. He preferred to deal with it on his own, because he'd learned how. Even when things got really bad, which no matter what, could still happen. Sometimes it still got the best of him.

Olivia looked at him with fear. "What medication? Fitz, what just happened?" she asked shakily, rubbing his thighs. He could see the worry so prominent in her eyes.

He sighed, looking down at his lap and closing his eyes again. "Anxiety. I have…anxiety."

Her heart absolutely sank.

"Oh, Fitz. I didn't…I didn't know that," she whispered.

"I know," he mumbled. "I'm—embarrassed of it. Didn't tell you—on purpose."

She wasn't sure her heart could sink any lower, but she was wrong.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," she whispered. "Fitz, I'm…I'm so sorry. I should have put that together. If I would...if I would have known that..." she trailed off, thinking about all the stress and anxiety this had probably caused him.

She'd known he got nervous about things. But she didn't know just how nervous he got on the inside. He seemed to handle it well on the outside, but of course, she would never truly understand how he dealt with it internally. Because it was something she didn't have to deal with herself.

"Not your fault. My fault. Just didn't…want to tell you," he whispered. "Should have...told you. My fault."

"Shh, it's okay. This isn't your fault," she assured him. "It's okay. I'm…I'm just so sorry. I…did I cause this, Fitz? Is this what was wrong today? Did we go...too far? Did this happen because of me?"

He looked at her pretty face, and didn't know what to say. It wasn't her. She wasn't the sole reason. But it was things that revolved so much around her. And telling her no outright would be a lie.

"I…" he began, struggling to find words. "I just…"

"Oh my God," she whispered, putting her hands up to her face. She could feel the tears forming, and she knew they were going to come out. "This was me. _Us._ Our relationship, is what...has led to this. This makes you _anxious_."

"Everything makes me anxious, Olivia. Everything," he said, shaking his head. "It's not…it's not just one thing."

"This—what we're doing—is a pretty big thing, Fitz," she said worriedly, looking up at him.

He sighed, looking stressfully down at his lap, and nodded. "I...I know."

"And it's been hurting you this badly the whole time?" she whispered. The hurt was prominent in her voice. Because it was painful knowing she had been a part of what had caused his pain. A _big_ part.

"It...it hurts you, too. It's not...it's not just me," he reasoned quietly.

She leaned her head on his lap, sighing and feeling the tears falling down her cheeks slowly. "The negatives really do outweigh the positives for us, don't they?"

He looked sadly down at her, trying to find words, and not being able to find the right ones. But she wasn't done.

"I mean, no matter what, we're going to hurt people, Fitz. It could be us, it could be us _and_ others. Someone's always going to get hurt, no matter...what we do," she whispered.

He shook his head, looking at her in pain. "I think we just…we just went into this too fast, without...a plan. It's been such a big change…just keeps changing every day. It's getting—so real. I don't know…what to do. My fault. This is _all _my fault—everything. Don't know…what to do."

He could see her beginning to cry, and it made _him_ want to cry. He felt the lump in his throat. Because it had all been too much. Everything—the conflict they both felt, the intense feelings, both positive and negative. The large changes. It had been too much.

They sat there for a few moments, holding onto each other. She knelt on the floor, with both hands in his lap. And he now held her hands again, leaning down toward her. Still not feeling 100 percent like himself, but he was fully in control again, and everything had subsided.

"We can't…we can't keep doing this can we?" she asked quietly, her voice strained.

The thought made him panic. But so did his feelings for her. In every scenario, he was going to feel panicked.

"I don't…" he began, feeling a tremble in his voice. "I don't know. I don't…I don't know what to do, Livvie. I thought…I would have a plan by now. I'm supposed to have one, and…and I don't. I've failed. Clearly I've failed as…as a husband, and a father. And I've failed you. Because I don't…I don't have an answer right now, and I'm _supposed_ to."

He was beginning to feel the tears now. He was ashamed, and sad. Feeling as though there was no good option in front of them.

She sniffled, looking up at him. "I think we both know what needs to happen, Fitz. I think we've known it this whole time. And I think we should have had this conversation before now."

He exhaled, and felt pain shoot through his chest. "I don't want it to happen. I don't…" he sighed, wiping his face. "Just…give me a second, okay. Let's just…one second."

"Baby. We both know," she said, tears streaming down her face.

He watched her crying in front of him, and the tears started to fill his eyes, too.

Because she was right. He did know.

"I put you in…the worst position. I…am so sorry…for doing that," he whispered. I was wrong. I should have never…kissed you that night. I should have never…involved you. Because this isn't fair to you. I should have had…a plan to begin with. I shouldn't have gone in…blind, and that's entirely my fault. This…I am so sorry, Olivia."

"No," she shook her head. "It isn't fair, Fitz. But you know what?" she cried. "You don't need to apologize, because I'm not sorry it happened. You're just…not mine to have, and we've known that all along. You belong—to someone else."

He shook his head, tears streaming down his face now. He found it so hard to look at her.

"I can't just come in, and…and steal you away from her—someone you've stuck it out with for ten years for a reason. It wasn't my goal—and it's not my place. It should never have happened. But it did. And now—we have to deal with the consequences of it. Just like we've been doing...already."

"No—I can't lose you," he said, wiping his cheeks. "I can't do it. I can't."

"And you won't," she cried. Her lip trembled as she looked at him. "You won't lose me. We'll figure out something…that works. Something that isn't...what we have now."

He shook his head, bringing his shirt up over his face to wipe the tears away. He was so embarrassed to be crying right now. He hadn't cried in years. "This is all…my fault. Everything. I cannot tell you—how sorry I am. I…you are my best friend. My best friend. You mean…the world to me, Olivia."

"You mean the world to me too, Fitz," she whispered, looking up at him through glossy eyes. "We'll be okay. We'll be just fine. I don't blame you for anything, it takes two to tango. I was in this...just as much as you, and I've known the position that you're in. I did this willingly too, none of this is...solely on you. We both made a mistake, and...that's that."

It was so hard for her to agree with what she was saying to him. But at this point, she didn't feel like she had any choice. She didn't ever want him feeling anxious because of their situation again, because what she'd witnessed earlier had been the scariest thing she'd ever seen. And because she knew the world was against them already. Maybe this was God intervening and letting them off "easy." So far, they hadn't hurt anyone but themselves. And with this weird of a situation, that was a blessing.

It was as if everything she'd felt this weekend, how far they'd gone and the things that had happened, didn't matter anymore.

In the end, how could this work? _That_ was the bottom line.

It was November. After ten years of this, she wasn't sure how she could rationally expect him to drop everything after a decade, for a woman he'd known for a few months. It wasn't just a matter of him deciding to leave. There were a lot of things that had to be considered, not just his own feelings. Even though his own feelings were quite strong.

It just wasn't plausible. Nothing about their relationship was plausible, easy, or right. And with everything that had happened, it was clear it was time to call it quits.

He sighed, squeezing her hands in his lap. Both of them, with tears running down their faces.

"How do we go back?" he whispered. "How do we go back and pretend this didn't happen? How are we supposed to...to do that?"

"I don't know," she sniffled. "I don't know, Fitz. Just like you, I don't know."

"I'm so sorry," he said, pulling her up toward him. "I'm so sorry."

_"__I'm_ so sorry," she whimpered back, allowing herself to be pulled onto his lap and in for a hug.

The second her head hit his shoulder, she began to cry harder. He wrapped his arms around her, and she let her legs wrap around his body as they sat there on the edge of the bed.

"I'm so sorry," he cried again, hugging her tighter than he thought he had ever hugged anyone.

"Stop...apologizing. Everything will be okay," she cried. "We'll be alright, baby."

That felt like a plain old lie.

And she probably didn't have the right to call him "baby" right now, or ever again. But she wanted to enjoy this moment with him. It might be the last time she ever hugged him—she had absolutely no idea. She had no idea what _anything_ was going to look like for them now.

They sat like that for a long time. With the apologies coming out, and the pain radiating off of both of them. But also knowing, that there would perhaps be a sense of relief, at least to their consciences. Whether or not that would make a damn difference in the grand scheme of things now, they didn't know. But regardless, the "right" thing to do, would be to do exactly what they were doing; being done.

But after all of that, they needed some space. Some time to think and process, just as Olivia had been thinking about earlier. Only earlier, when she'd been thinking about it, this isn't exactly what she had in mind.

This was much worse.

She hadn't anticipated this weekend would go this way. Not at all. When they'd joked that the weekend of November 15 would go down in her personal history books, she didn't know this was why.

When he finally went upstairs and left her alone, she closed her door, and sobbed quietly on her bed. She let the tears come out openly, and for as long as she needed. Because while she knew they were doing what was right, it hurt _so_ badly. And she knew it would hurt badly for a long time.

Fitz didn't handle it much differently. He had to go let in Hank, the poor dog who had taken to sniffing each individual item in their backyard because he'd been out there so damn long.

He seemed unbothered though, at least. More time outside wasn't exactly a bad thing, Fitz just hoped he hadn't been too cold.

But then he went upstairs immediately, feeling the tears still running down his face. Now he truly felt lost. He knew this was what needed to happen, he'd technically known that all along. But he'd never _wanted_ it to. Those things were very different.

But he couldn't have it both ways. He couldn't feel guilty, and like he needed to stop what he was doing, but also feel like he wanted to be with Olivia and _only_ Olivia. That wasn't going to work—clearly it hadn't worked. She had a life to live too. She deserved so much better than him. So much more than what he had to offer her.

He clutched onto the railing as he walked upstairs to his bedroom, feeling the tears cloud his vision.

He started to feel nauseous, too, as he thought about everything that had just happened. He didn't know why. It could have been from everything starting to sink in, or as part of his anxiety. It could have been from the fact that something he'd never felt before had just been stripped from him so quickly, and it was hitting him harder than he thought it would. He could have just been extremely overwhelmed, or it could have been a mix of everything. He didn't know, but he made it to his bedroom and to his bathroom, bracing himself against the doorframe first.

He made it just in time to the toilet before he got sick.

He threw up everything, probably. Breakfast, his mom's lunch—everything he had, and more. Until there was nothing left. All while the tears still came down.

He flushed the toilet and rinsed out his mouth, but that was all he had the energy to do before he sunk back down against the bathroom wall, putting his hands up to his face.

His eyes caught the prescription bottle near his sink. The medication that he didn't even take. His overprotective mother had asked him about it today—quietly in a whisper before he and Olivia left. She was curious about if he was handling it okay, or if he'd tried any new medication.

She and Olivia had both noticed he was off today, and his mother had been able to generally pinpoint what it was. She knew him better than anyone. She could see when he was feeling more anxious than normal.

She'd been right.

He sat there now, against his bathroom wall, feeling embarrassed as he wiped his steady tears away. After he'd just thrown up everything there was to throw up.

He felt so many different things aside from the embarrassment. He felt pain. Anger. Uncertainty. Anxiety. And a deep, deep passion, for someone that he couldn't have.

"I love you…I love you," he sobbed, leaning his head back against the wall. Talking to the woman who couldn't hear him. And saying the phrase that he feared he'd never get to say out loud to her.

"I love you."

* * *

**Well, I hope you are all still in one piece. **

**I did warn you that it would not be easy. But as I've said, they will learn. This is just a very difficult, but a very ****_real_**** situation, for two people that are truly good at heart to be in. Canon Fitz and Liv had their stuff to figure out, too. ASA Olitz will do the same!**

**And while anxiety does not define who you are and can be handled well, it is still no light subject. :(**

**I promise. It will all be okay! With a storyline like this, has to come some trust.**

**Lots will happen in the next chapters.**

**Read on, and please stay safe, friends.**

**~T**

**P.S. Fitz's featured magazine picture is up on my Twitter and Tumblr.**


	11. Broken

Fitz awoke to his alarm from another restless night of sleep. Probably worse than the night before.

And what made it worse, was that he was lying next to his wife.

At least the night before, he'd gotten to sleep alone, since Mellie had still been away at her aunt's house. And of course the night before that, he'd slept with Olivia in her bed.

Her bed was small, much smaller than the King-sized bed he was laying in now. He had been too tall for it. And he hadn't slept that close to someone in years. But he already missed it.

There was nothing better than sleeping next to the woman he loved, that much he knew. He hadn't gotten to experience it until now, at 30 years old, but from the one night it had happened—he knew all he needed to know.

At least with his large King-sized bed, he was able to stay far away from Mellie.

He turned his alarm off, listening to Mellie groan and shift in bed next to him.

He quickly got out of bed, and rubbed his eyes. They felt so tired.

_He_ felt so tired.

He wouldn't be surprised if when he looked in the mirror, there were bags underneath his eyes.

This entire week may be a venti Starbucks drink week—he was already thinking about it.

When he glanced over himself in his bathroom mirror, it was exactly what he thought he'd see. Bags under his eyes—they weren't awful. But they were there. His hair, only getting longer by the day, was starting to really curl up on its ends.

_So much for continuing to grow it out for her_.

It was particularly crazy this morning, so he wet his fingers and ran them through his curls, at least getting them under control before he went downstairs to work out.

He hoped it wouldn't be weird. He was awful in situations like these, he knew he was, so he figured it _would_ be weird.

He'd try his best. The thought of seeing her made his heart happy. But it was then followed by sadness. He just hoped she didn't hate him. He couldn't bear for her to hate him, even though he could understand if she did.

He felt responsible for everything. She'd handled it all so well, and so maturely. She'd helped him, even during a time when she was hurting—_because_ of him. And that said more about her than she probably even knew.

She was amazing. That would never change. It would probably only get harder for him, actually, as time went on. Because in the day and a half that had passed since they'd ended things, it had only gotten harder.

He found it increasingly harder to act normal in front of Karen, and Mellie, too, despite the fact that he knew Mellie didn't pay enough attention to him to notice anyway. She only paid attention when it suited her needs, or Karen's.

But mostly, it was hard because he loved Olivia, and she was right there. She was so close, but not available. Not for him, she couldn't be.

Who knew how today would go. It was Monday—back to their normal routine. The rest of Saturday night _hadn't_ been normal, it had been weird. They'd eaten dinner together, each with red, puffy eyes and fake, forced smiles on their faces. Because what else could they do?

And yesterday, she'd done her homework downstairs for most of the day. They'd still seen each other, and acted normal because Mellie and Karen were there from the early afternoon to the rest of the day. So they'd had no choice.

But today they'd be alone like normal, for their workout—and during their commutes.

He got ready quickly, mostly because he was anxious to see her.

He saw that a banana had already been taken from the previously full bunch in the kitchen, and he smiled because he knew it was her, of course. He grabbed one too, and ate it before he headed downstairs.

He almost had to remind himself not to nudge open the bathroom door where she always was, to say good morning and kiss her.

But as he passed the bathroom door, he realized she wasn't there anyway.

Her bedroom door was shut, and so was the gym door. Panic began to set in his chest as he walked to the gym, thinking she wasn't up yet. Thinking she didn't _want_ to be up, because she didn't want to work out with him anymore.

He opened the gym door, assuming he'd find it empty. But there she was, sitting on a yoga mat, already stretching. Ahead of schedule today.

She had her legs spread completely out wide, and she was reaching forward with her arms so that she could stretch. Her torso was just about flat on the floor, and it made him think things.

_So flexible, oh God._

"Hey," she greeted, not looking up at him.

He cleared his throat, forcing himself to look away because Lord knew what that woman did to his southern region.

"Hey," he greeted back, heading to set down his water bottle. "For a second I thought...you weren't going to be in here."

"Why?" she asked, now moving her torso to her right leg and stretching that side of her body specifically. She still hadn't looked at him.

Well, he thought the answer to her question was fairly obvious, but he didn't push it. Clearly she was going to go about this as if nothing had happened. And if that's what she wanted, that's what he'd do. He didn't know how else to cope, truly. So he went with it.

"I don't know," he shrugged, starting to stretch along with her. "Just glad you're here."

"Glad you're here too," she replied, switching to her other leg to stretch.

It was pretty quiet, and it was weird, which was no surprise. Not that they couldn't act normal, but with just the two of them, it was much different. When there was nobody to pretend in front of, it naturally grew weird.

But they tried their best.

Olivia could tell he was starting to revert back to how he had been when they first met. He'd always been shy, that would never change. But at least as time had gone on, he's grown far more comfortable with her.

And she could feel that slipping away now.

She wasn't sure if it was his own way of coping, if he just truly didn't know what to say, or if he was beginning to shut down.

No matter what, she couldn't blame him. It was hard. She had spent the past two nights crying herself to sleep, which was truly saying something because she hated to cry.

It was annoying, it always gave her a headache afterward, it made her eyes puffy, and it usually ruined her makeup, depending on the time of day.

It made it even worse that she was dealing with it all alone. She hadn't told a single soul, and was beginning to think she truly _needed_ to for her wellbeing. It was extremely hard on her to keep it in, especially given how much of a heartache it was.

It was so bad. It was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before. It hurt more than she could even imagine something hurting.

And it was hard in her position to act normal in front of the Grant family, when she was in love with one of them. So head over heels that he never left her mind. _Never._

But considering it was that hard for her, she knew it must absolutely kill him inside. To have to pretend in front of his own family, when she was there living with them. To have to hide it and act normal for his daughter, especially. She didn't know the extent of his feelings for her because they'd never shared that with each other. But she knew he was hurting. She could see it on his face every day. And she'd certainly seen the tears he'd cried a couple days ago, the tears that left his eyes puffy and red. And she knew she never wanted to see those again—it hurt so badly just to witness.

But this is what they'd decided was best. So here they were, living their life how they were supposed to live it. As friends, and nothing more.

After their workout, which ended abruptly on the hour mark, they both headed upstairs without a word to mix protein shakes. And after that, they headed their separate ways to get ready.

Olivia covered the remnants of her puffy, bagged eyes with makeup, making sure her overall appearance was how it usually was and wouldn't lead to any questioning. That was the last thing she needed.

By the time she was finished getting ready, she found the main level empty, which meant Fitz was already in the car warming it up for them. So she said goodbye to little Hank, and headed for the car.

She got in, looking briefly at him and settling down in the passenger seat.

The shine of her necklace caught his eye, and he couldn't help but feel his heart warm just at the sight. She had kept it on. She'd promised she'd wear it every day, and she still was.

It made him feel like she was his despite everything, even though he knew he probably shouldn't feel that way. But he kept quiet about it, anyway, thinking it just wasn't the best thing to bring up right now.

His music softly played in the car, which made their silence a little bit more comfortable as they made their way to Starbucks.

Except for when the song "It's Not Over" by one of his favorite bands, Daughtry, came on.

All Olivia needed to hear was some of the chorus to start feeling annoyed by it. She'd probably heard the song before, considering they were one of Fitz's favorites. But a sentimental song like that hit much worse now.

**Let's start over,**

**I'll try to do it right this time around,**

**it's not over,**

'**cause a part of me is dead and in the ground**

The last line of the chorus, "but you're the only one, it's not over." really took the cake.

_Yeah, so that definitely was not happening today. _

She reached forward immediately and pressed the "next song" button on his touch screen display.

He looked over at her briefly, probably surprised because she would normally never do that. His music was usually nice to listen to, but she didn't need any of _that_ business going on right now.

Of course, naturally, the next song that came on was James Morrison's "Nothing Ever Hurt Like You."

_Seriously?_

So then she reached forward and completely turned down the volume. Probably a bit dramatic, but she wasn't playing today.

He looked at the title of the song, and looked back at the road, his face growing a little sadder than it already was.

He was clenching and unclenching his fingers against the steering wheel—fidgeting like he did when he was nervous or uncomfortable.

"Please..." he began quietly, breaking the silence. "Please don't shut down on me."

She looked over at him. "I haven't shut down on you," she answered. "I was worried that's what you were doing."

"I'm not. I'm...I'm not trying to," he said. "I'm just...I'm not a great talker, and...you make me nervous. It feels like everything is different with us so I just...don't know exactly what to say."

"Yeah," she sighed, looking out the window. She could relate. "Me neither, Fitz."

"This is...all my fault," he said. "I'll never be able to tell you...just how sorry I am."

"Fitz, please stop blaming yourself for everything," she replied. "Okay?"

He looked at her, the pain so prominent on his face, and then looked back at the road sadly.

"Please tell me how I can help. Please tell me if I can," he said.

She shrugged, trying to give him a brave face despite the fact that they were both probably emotionally drained.

"I don't know, Fitz. The truth is, I don't know if anything is truly going to help. I don't know...how to move on from you when I see you every day and I feel what I feel."

"I know," he nodded. "I...I know. I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize," she replied. "I don't blame you for anything. We just have to...move on, somehow, and that's that."

"Yes. I know."

The car was silent for a bit longer, as they neared Starbucks. There felt like nothing left to say. It felt like there was so much left unsaid, but at the same time, at this point, what more _should_ they really say?

He cleared his throat as he rolled down his window. "You uh...you want a coffee or a latte?"

"I'll do a regular coffee," she answered.

He nodded, and ordered them both venti coffees with cream. He already knew she needed a venti too.

"Thanks," she said, after they drove away, heading toward the station.

"Of course," he nodded. "Nothing's going to...change our routine."

She mustered up a smile, and nodded at him. "Good. That was...what we wanted."

But there was so much missing from their routine. The kisses they shared every morning. The smiles, and the laughs, and the hand-holding. It was already so much different. The fact that his hand wasn't on her thigh right now made her sad.

She knew it would get a bit easier, because everything was still so fresh right now. Maybe they'd get back into it. Maybe they'd have the friendship they had before it all escalated that one evening in October.

That was what they'd aimed for together, when they were hopelessly wondering how they were going to proceed on Saturday. That's what they'd agreed on—not losing each other and making this work.

That was the only goal they could have.

They both read on the train, sitting next to each other. She remembered last Monday, when they'd decided they were going to play hookey.

It was only a week ago, and yet it felt like it had been an eternity since then. She remembered how happy they'd been. How normal it had felt, to walk around the city hand in hand with him.

She wished she could go back, just to cherish it all again. But instead, here they were today, questioning whether or not they should even fist bump each other as they said goodbye outside of his building.

It was just a stupid fist bump, and yet, it was still another thing she realized she had taken for granted before.

But in the end, he smiled at her, and went for it. Because he wasn't going to let _everything_ be taken from them. Especially not the little things like that, unimportant as they may have seemed.

Fitz watched her walk away for a bit, thinking she had looked so pretty today. So put together and prepared, despite everything she was dealing with. But that was life, and it was what he needed to do, too. Shit went on, and work didn't stop.

He did get a lot of work done, despite the many day-to-day interruptions he always got, and the fires he had to constantly put out.

_And_ despite the fact that his mind was partially on his work and partially on Olivia.

He was starting to bounce his knee under his desk, staring at a document for way too goddamn long—his mind on about 87 different things.

One of them being the fact that he desperately wanted to talk to someone before he exploded. Work didn't stop, that was for sure, but he also couldn't work efficiently if he was battling his thoughts internally—which is what he was beginning to do.

He briefly checked his watch, seeing that it was past noon already, and decided he might be able to catch his best friend on her lunch break.

He'd actually been debating calling her yesterday before Mellie and Karen came back, but he hadn't.

Now he was realizing he couldn't hold off any longer, because it was gnawing at him, and he needed air.

After leaving his office and taking the elevator to the lobby, he quickly buttoned his coat, heading for the glass revolving door that led outside.

The sounds of New York City surrounded him—the chaos outside reflected the chaos he felt inside. How fitting.

He pulled out his phone and dialed her number, deciding he'd just make a loop around his building because it wasn't all that cold today, and he needed to walk, or pace, or _something_.

Abby answered within two rings, and he could instantly tell she was eating something.

"Hey dude," she answered, mouth full of something.

"Hey. Is this a bad time?" he asked.

"For you? Never. I'll always answer the phone for you," she replied. "Well—unless I'm having sex. Then I'm sending you to voicemail."

He wanted to laugh. He normally would have—but in light of things, he could only muster a very weak, and very _brief_ chuckle, before he grew quiet again. So he figured he should probably at least thank the woman.

"Thanks, Abbs. I uh...I appreciate it."

"Of course," she answered. "Hey, have you eaten? I've been dealing with fucknuts all morning and decided I deserved an extra-long lunch break. You can come share my salad—it's amazing."

"No, that's...that's alright. Thank you, though, I do know how good your salads are," he replied. "I don't have...all that long, I've gotta go deal with...fucknuts again too. I just...I just really wanted to call you. I just...needed to, I think."

"Of course, what's up?" she asked.

He sighed, burying his hand in his coat pocket as he walked.

"It's...Olivia and I."

Abby grew excited.

"Oooo, I'm all ears," she said.

He cleared his throat and paused. "Um...she and I are...we're done, and I didn't know who else to call. You're the only one that knows, you and David. And...I just needed to talk to someone about it, I don't...I'm struggling. I really am."

He heard Abby gasp as soon as he spilled, followed by her worried voice.

"Oh no, Fitz. How come? What happened? I thought...I thought this weekend just you and her would be good?" Abby asked.

"This weekend...was awful," he replied.

"What? What happened?" Abby asked worriedly.

"A lot of things happened," he answered. "Things that hadn't happened before. She...met my mom. Other things. It was too much. It kept building...it's—so real. It's still so real. Everything keeps changing. It was...all my fault—it backfired on me and I fucking freaked out, which was the last thing I needed."

"What? Did you...have an attack?" Abby asked, the worry so prominent in her voice.

He sighed. "Yeah."

"Oh, Fitz," she replied sadly. "I wondered how...this would impact you."

"I know," he admitted, running his fingers through his hair.

"Well are you okay? How are you doing? Have you had one since then?" Abby asked.

"No," he shook his head. "I'm fine. I mean—I'm...I'm not, really, I'm not going to lie to you. But you don't have to worry. I don't want you to worry, Abbs, I just...wanted to talk, that's all."

"I'm already worrying."

"Please, don't, Abbs. I brought this all on myself."

She sighed. "Okay, wait a minute. Let me just...I'm processing. So, okay—she met your mom?"

"Yeah, and...she loved her. They both...loved each other. I shouldn't have...invited her—that was so stupid," he sighed.

"I think it's kind of sweet, actually," Abby replied. "Could Jean...tell?"

"I don't know," Fitz answered. "I hope not—I mean, she asked about...my anxiety, I guess, she could see I was off, I think. I just kept...seeing them together, and...it scared me. It felt like that's what it was supposed to feel like. It felt real—and that was new. It just scared me, which is...embarrassing. But I've never had this before, I don't...I don't know what I'm doing, Abbs."

"Oh dear," she sighed. "I was not expecting this at all. I really thought you two were..."

"No," he shook his head. "We're not. We...can't be."

Abby sighed again. "Fitz, can I ask you something?"

"Yeah," he nodded, deciding to stop walking for a minute while he talked to her.

"How come you're running from that? How come...you realizing it's getting real, and things are changing, means things between you and her have to end _permanently?" _Abby asked.

"Because I'm _married_, Abby. I'm married, and I have a child, and...she lives in my house. She's not...she's not even in college yet. It was never going to work anyway. We both knew that. I think...we _all_ knew that."

"That is _bullshit_, Fitzgerald," Abby replied. "I know you. You wouldn't have started something with her if you didn't think there was something there. It was real to begin with, Fitz. I sure as hell know you weren't just looking for a piece of ass—or you would have been screwing her months ago. That's not you."

"Yeah, well I was wrong, Abby. I was wrong to start something. It was...irresponsible, and shitty. There's no denying that."

"It was, Fitz. But guess what—you did it. Because your marriage is dead and there was something between you two. There _is_ something between you two. You can't just completely disregard that. How...do you feel about her?"

He sighed, shaking his head as he adjusted his grip on his phone. He'd prefer to disregard that right now, actually.

"That doesn't matter."

"'It doesn't matter'—_my ass._ Tell me," she said again.

It would be the first time he told someone. But he knew Abby would never rest. She wanted all the facts—it's how she was; a very typical lawyer. So he mustered up the courage, feeling his hand start to shake as he held his phone up to his ear, letting out a quiet sigh.

"I'm...in love with her."

She was silent for a moment while she took a deep breath.

"And does she...know?" Abby asked.

"No," he answered with a sigh.

She sighed back. "Fitzgerald."

"Hm."

"You've never loved a woman in your life, and now that you do—now that someone came in and made you feel. Truly feel. Now you're feeling like you have to run from it?"

"What am I supposed to do, Abby? I can't...Liv and I can't do this anymore. We couldn't take it. _Clearly_, we couldn't take it, and it ended up causing more harm than good. I don't know...what to do. I thought I would know, and I don't, that's exactly what I told her. I don't have the answer, and I have _no_ plan."

"No, Fitz, you're missing my point. I'm not saying you should keep screwing around on your wife behind her back. You're right, that probably was only going to lead you down a much worse path. What I'm saying is you need to figure out what you want. You're talking about having a plan like this is some sort of risk prevention strategy at work. Guess what Fitz, when you love someone, the world's not going to give a shit whether you have a plan or not. It doesn't work like that—you don't choose who you love. It's chaotic, and it hurts, and it has no regard for your life. So sure, you should have a general idea of what you're going to do. But having some written out, step-by-step plan on leaving your wife, getting her to cooperate, explaining everything to Karen, going through a divorce—that's not all going to go how you want it to go. That's not all going to go according to some well-rehearsed plan, Fitz. What you need—is to figure out what you want. That's half the battle. So what do you want?"

He was taking in everything she was saying—everything about explaining it to Karen and divorcing Mellie, and it was overwhelming. He was looking around at the busy streets of New York, listening to his best friend tell it to him straight, like he appreciated when she did. But it was still difficult to hear, because if he knew what he wanted, he wouldn't be in this position right now. Clearly.

"I don't—I don't know, Abbs," he replied. "I don't...this is all so new to me, I still feel like I have no idea what I'm doing. And I'm supposed to know. I'm _supposed_ to know, and I don't."

"You're telling me you don't know what you want for yourself?" Abby asked.

"It's not just about me Abby. I can't only think about me. If I only ever thought about me—I would have been out of that house a long fucking time ago."

"No, you can't only think about you, you're right. But how long can you keep doing this?" Abby asked. "Have you thought about that?"

"Of course I have," he said. "But...Karen. I can't..."

"You can," Abby said. "If you want to—you can. Don't tell yourself you can't. Regardless of your relationship with Olivia, you will never be truly happy in that house. And can you be the absolute best dad you can be for Karen when you're unhappy, Fitz?"

"I think I've done a pretty damn good job raising my child—if you're trying to say otherwise," he replied, his tone getting a little bit angry.

"Absolutely you have, I'm not saying you haven't," Abby replied. "What I'm saying is...is _this_ what you want? Knowing what you know now...is this the life you really want, and think is _best_ in the long run?"

"I don't...I don't know," he answered honestly. "I don't know."

"And I think...therein lies your problem, Fitz," she said.

He sighed as he leaned against the building, and then decided to continue to walk again as he verbalized all his thoughts to her.

"I don't know what to do," he said quietly, returning his free hand to his pocket again. He probably sounded like a broken record. But that didn't change the fact that he still didn't know. He didn't even know how to begin to go about making a decision like this.

"I know," she nodded gently. "And I'm sorry about that. I'm sorry you're in this situation."

"It's my fault I'm in the situation I'm in," he answered.

"Why do you keep saying that?" Abby asked. "This is nobody's fault. What happened happened, and that's that. I certainly doubt she thinks it's your fault, based on what I know of her."

"She...doesn't. She's...too kind," he answered. "She handled things...far better than I did on Saturday. I was...such a mess, and she was caught completely off guard. But she...helped me—when it happened. She's amazing. She's so amazing, Abby."

"And how has she been doing?" Abby asked.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Everything is still so fresh, we haven't talked about it much since Saturday. But I know she's hurting."

"God, I feel awful about all of this," Abby said. "I'm so sorry, Fitz. And I don't mean to be...harsh about it. But you're my best friend, so I wanted to be honest with you. Because I just want what's best for you, and because I love you. I just...I haven't ever seen you happy, Fitz, not with..._her_. But...when I met Olivia, I did see it. I saw you with her, and I heard you talk about her, and I just...I knew. Because I could see even then, that you loved her."

He sighed, switching his phone to his other ear.

"I'm glad you were honest, I always want you to be. And I love you too. You're right. You're...right, I just...it doesn't feel that easy to me right now," he said.

"I know," she replied understandingly. "I know. It isn't easy. But...do you want to know something?"

"Hm?" he asked.

"I'm still rooting for you," she said. "I know you can't do this—what you and her were doing. You can't be with her right now—it didn't work and it probably shouldn't have happened. But...that doesn't mean you and her are over, Fitz. I don't care what you did, I really don't. You're such a good man—this didn't change that. You _deserve_ to be happy. I don't know what's going to happen, only you can control that. But I just want you to understand that you don't have to be over, if both of you don't want to be. All it starts with, is a choice. But right now, it's one that only you can make. So just know...I'm still rooting for you."

He let out a deep breath and smiled slightly.

"Thanks for that, Abbs. Thank you."

"David and I are always here. If...you need someplace to go or people to talk to, you know we've always got you. _Always."_

"I do know that, and I appreciate it. Thank you," he replied quietly. "I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

"Go crazy, probably," Abby said.

"Yeah," he nodded, letting out a slight laugh. "Wouldn't...interrupt your salad eating, either."

She laughed back. "Shit, I forgot about my salad."

"I'll uh...I'll let you eat," he replied. "Thanks for talking with me. Thank you. I needed it. I needed to hear you."

"You're welcome, Fitz," she nodded.

"I'll talk to you later, Abbs."

"Yes. Please call me later this week. Text too. Any time you need."

"I'll stay connected," he assured her.

"Alright, thank you. Have a good day," she said. "Don't kill any fucknuts."

"I'll try," he chuckled. "You either."

"No promises! Bye, dude."

"Bye."

He hung up and sighed, looking around at the busy street. A part of him felt better, simply because she knew now, and because he knew he could always talk to her. She had good advice, and saw it from a different perspective than he did.

He knew it could be hard to see things that were often right in front of you, when you were in a situation, yourself.

The only problem was he already knew everything in front of him right now. But that didn't make him feel any more prepared to potentially decide anything.

Of course, the option of leaving his wife had occurred to him, it had occurred to him many times before now. But it never felt like a viable option. If it did, he would have done it by now.

But then what would this all be for? They had agreed, and that agreement had never faltered on either end, not for a decade. It had never even been a question, really. They were married, end of story—that was how both of them had always looked at it.

Leaving Mellie, leaving Karen, leaving the house he had built and the _life_ he had built in Rye—that was a _large_ change, one that didn't feel possible. It just didn't, it went against everything they had planned.

And it was all centered around Karen, and of course, some fear. Fear of how it would impact her. How she would adjust. What she would think and how she would feel. Potentially not seeing her every day. That was a completely different life right there.

He wasn't happy. He knew he wasn't—he hadn't ever been with Mellie. But his happiness wasn't his first priority, and never had been. Not since the day he sat with Mellie in her apartment bathroom at 19 years old, looking down at the positive pregnancy test she held in her trembling hand.

So the "choice" Abby had discussed never truly felt like an option to him. His thoughts of it were brief and passed quickly. To him, it was a sacrifice he made daily for Karen, and he hadn't known any differently for as long as she'd been alive.

But Abby was also right. He was in love with someone else, and he didn't get to choose to _stop_ that. It was going to be something he lived with for a long time—how long, he didn't know.

All he knew was that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be, not so far. It was strong, and different, and chaotic, and it made him more anxious than usual.

And most of all—it hurt.

* * *

Olivia's day was long, and painful. Her friends made it better, especially because she felt obligated to be her happiest self in front of them to avoid questioning. And she succeeded with that, at least.

But she knew she was in desperate need to talk to someone, or this wouldn't go well for her. The pain would deepen, and she would bottle things up, which she knew wasn't good.

So after a pretty quiet commute home with Fitz, she quickly went down to her room. Mellie was picking Karen up on her way home, so it was them alone in the house, which she did _not_ want to think about.

She shut the basement door and then her bedroom door, and texted to see if Shawn could FaceTime.

Shawn would have been long done with school, it was just a matter of if she was busy or not. And luckily, she texted back fairly quickly, saying she'd call in a second.

At first, Olivia answered with a smile and played it off. Because not only did she have to tell Shawn the most recent events with Fitz, she had to explain _how_ it got to be what it was. Shawn knew nothing as of now, and that was a lot to spill in one FaceTime session.

And it started to look like it was going to be downright impossible, when Shawn started to tell Olivia about her current fling with Marcus Walker, and their next plans for a date.

Olivia held strong and supported her best friend, because she knew how much she liked him, and how long she had liked him for.

But when Shawn segwayed into joking about bringing a "city boy" home on a double date, she couldn't hold it together any longer.

Olivia looked down at her desk, feeling the tears rushing out this time. Crying almost felt like second nature to her now, despite how much she hated it. It was certainly all she'd done the past couple days, that was for sure.

"Liv? You good?" Shawn asked.

Olivia shook her head, still refusing to look up at her laptop camera. "No. I'm not."

"Oh, Liv. I was...I was just playing about the double date thing!" Shawn exclaimed. "I can't get too ahead of myself, anyway, Marcus and I aren't even, like, _dating_ dating yet. And it's me—I'll probably fuck some shit up or somethin'. You don't have to find no city boy, anyway. You don't need no man if you don't want one—because let's be real, they still suck."

"I already...found one," Olivia whispered, wiping her face. "But I can't...have him."

She got up the courage to look at her best friend, whose face was extremely confused and surprised. But then a look of understanding began to cross her face. The look practically screamed "are you talking about who I think you're talking about?"

Olivia nodded solemnly and wiped her face, getting the stupid tears under control.

"God, I'm sorry. I can't...stop with this shit. It's annoying," she said, grabbing a makeup wipe from her desk. The makeup just needed to come right off at this point.

"Liv," Shawn said, watching her wipe all her makeup off. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Olivia nodded quietly.

"Him?" Shawn asked, in awe.

And without specifying a name, "him" was still so obvious. Olivia had never mentioned any other guy here in New York, aside from Huck, who was gay, and Stephen, who had a girlfriend he loved very much back in Scotland where he was from. The only other guy was one that Shawn had sworn she'd never bring up herself, because she had seen immediately that there was something there. She had heard it firsthand, actually.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded again, letting out a sniffle. "Him."

"You're...for real, right now?" Shawn asked.

"I'm for real," Olivia nodded.

"Oh my God, Liv...I didn't even..." Shawn trailed off.

"I know. I'm sorry...I didn't tell you. It's just...not something I'm proud of. But now...it's over, and I'm having a really tough time, even though I know it needed to stop. I just...needed to talk to you," she said quietly.

"Oh, Liv. Why didn't you shut me up about Marcus? My God—I am so sorry, Olivia. Now I feel like a complete asshole."

"Oh, Shawn, no—don't be sorry, it makes me happy hearing you talk about Marcus. I'm just—a fucking wreck right now because this happened this weekend. I _know_ how much you like Marcus—that has nothing to do with this. I always want to hear about you and him," Olivia said, giving Shawn a smile.

But Shawn didn't smile back. She looked sad, and that was a rarity for her best friend. Always happy, always sassy. Not now, though.

"Liv, girl, how did...what did he do? _What_ did he do to you?" Shawn asked, almost angrily, now.

"Oh—no, no," Olivia shook her head. "He didn't do anything. He's...he's an angel. He's just...unavailable."

But before Olivia could explain further—explain what happened this weekend, she had to explain how it all happened. All from the beginning.

Which was hard. It was hard to relive those happy moments—their flirting, their fun times, their "firsts." They didn't have all that many firsts, but there were a few to recount.

It was difficult, but some things at least brought a smile to Olivia's tear-soaked face. Because it was _him_.

But she grew more sad when she had to explain how it ended. That it was necessary, of course, because it should never have happened, to begin with. It was wrong, and awful.

But neither of those things made it any easier to end.

"Liv," Shawn said, wiping her eyes now too. "I am so sorry. You fooled me, you really did. I never suspected this. But I understand why you wanted to keep it quiet. Like I told you—it's safe with me. I'm just so sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry about this. This shit...it doesn't sit right with me."

Olivia gave her a brave smile and nodded, sniffling. "Thank you. And thank you for never...pushing the subject. You called it from the beginning, before I even accepted what was going on between us, myself. But you...allowing me to tell you when I was ready—I appreciate that a lot."

"Ain't no need to thank me for that," Shawn replied. "I didn't want to push you on something you didn't want to talk about. I'm just...sorry it came to this. I don't think I can be mad at anybody in this situation. But...his wife don't deserve him. I said it. I don't know a lot, but I know all I gotta know. And they don't have a marriage. They have...a contract. That's what that shit is."

"Who you're supposed to be mad at...is Fitz and me, Shawn. We were the ones who did wrong here, no matter what," Olivia said. "Now...we deal with it."

"Nah—I said what I said. This shit doesn't sit right with me. I never seen you like this in my life. I never seen...I mean, you and Russ last year...y'all weren't like this. This is so different, Liv, and I don't know if I can explain it. But I just know it is."

Olivia sniffed, wiping her face again.

"I love him," Olivia said. "You're right, this—with Fitz, was much different. Because I'm in love with him."

Shawn put her hands up to her mouth, looking with wide eyes at her camera.

"Oh—_shit."_

Olivia nodded. "Yeah."

"Fuck. You got me crying up in this bitch right now," Shawn sniffled, putting her hands over her eyes.

"Please don't cry, Shawn," Olivia said, letting out a little laugh. "I've done enough of it for the both of us the past few days. It's so stupid—I hate it."

"It is stupid," Shawn agreed. "I'm just fucking pissed off now. You sure I can't come up there and at least kick _someone's_ ass?"

"I'm sure," Olivia nodded, giving her a smile. "You can kick mine, though, and get me back in line, because apparently, I _need_ it."

Shawn sighed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry—now you're starting to sound like him," Olivia laughed.

"Well, it's true," Shawn said. "Look, girl—it sounded hard, and complicated. So maybe this is for the best right now. I'm not sayin' I don't think you two are going to end up together. 'Cause I'm telling you right now—y'all are. I don't care, I said it. But...still sounds like homeboy's got some shit to deal with on his end. That ain't your job, that's his."

"No," Olivia agreed. "It isn't. And I can't get in the way of it, either. So...you're right. We both know it's for the best, we knew that all along. Just...sucks when I still see him every day. I've been thinking about that a lot more this past weekend."

"Thinking about what?" Shawn asked.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"I'm staying in New York next semester. But I can't live here anymore," she said. "I love it here, Rye is so much better than I expected it to be. It's going to be so hard for me to go and...I don't want to leave Karen. Or him. But I can't stay here—that much is obvious. Even if...we weren't done, I would have needed to leave. And now...neither of us are going to be able to move on seeing each other every day. That's not going to work."

"Oh, Liv," Shawn sighed. "Yeah. I get you. That's...that's probably the right decision to make. But I know it must be hard."

"It is," she nodded. "I have some time to...put in my preferences for dormitories, but...once I do, and...I know what I'm doing, I'll have to let the Grants know, and...my mom too. She knows that was my first choice, to begin with. She...won't be surprised. But the Grants will be, I think."

Shawn grimaced. "If...it's what you need to do, then you do it. I think...that's the best choice."

"It's my _only_ choice," Olivia nodded sadly. No matter what, she knew that it was.

Like she'd told Fitz, she wasn't really sure what could help right now. It didn't feel like there was much that could ease the pain they'd brought on themselves.

But this was something that, in addition to it being the right thing to do, would also ease the pain in the long run.

It would be hard—because not seeing each other every day would also be difficult. But if they were really going to be able to move on, this would help.

Olivia was happy she told Shawn—it was a weight lifted off her shoulders, in a way, and she knew she had someone to talk to about it now if she needed to.

Her best friend. Someone she trusted.

She couldn't wait to see her in a little over a week for Thanksgiving break. Her flights were already booked.

But for now, on that Monday evening, she needed a little cheering up. She needed her favorite girl.

And luckily, her favorite girl wanted some guidance with her history homework, anyway.

So she went upstairs, passing happily by Fitz, who was making dinner, and Mellie, who was sorting through the mail on the kitchen island.

Her happiness was fake, of course.

But she tried her absolute best to make it real in front of Karen when she got upstairs to Karen's room.

They listened to music—the playlist Olivia always played when they were together. A compiled list of clean pop Olivia had liked when she was Karen's age, a mix of Karen's favorite songs now, and any other songs they decided to add along the way.

And one of those songs hurt. Apparently the world had it out for her today with song choices, ever since this morning.

As soon as it started to play she almost regretted introducing Karen to the Pentatonix, and wanted to turn it off. But she didn't, because the song was beautiful. It would forever remind her of Fitz now—no matter which of the multiple versions she heard.

"Hallelujah."

Karen hummed along while she was writing.

Olivia had homework of her own she could be focusing on, but right then and there, she was focusing on the lyrics of the song.

The lyrics that she could never fully interpret herself. Full of biblical references, but many references to sin, sex, and love, too.

There were both good and bad "hallelujahs" and each were important. That was always what Olivia had gotten from Leonard Cohen's meaning behind it.

The song just felt personal now—some of the lyrics hitting harder than they probably should.

She remembered the lines Fitz had sung to her in his car. The lines about a woman becoming a man's weakness—physically and emotionally—as he had fallen in love with her. Thus—tying him to the kitchen chair, breaking his throne and cutting his hair. She would think about that a lot.

And she would especially think about the lines in the third verse. _Love is not a victory march._

Yeah, it certainly didn't feel like one.

No, Leonard Cohen had been right when he wrote the many interchangeable verses to the song. _It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah_. That sounded more accurate. Cold and broken.

With everything so fresh, that was exactly how she would describe how she felt. She knew they had made the right decision. She didn't regret it. She even knew it would get better, because time did heal.

But that didn't mean she wasn't hurting now. She could hide it as much as she wanted in front of Karen and Mellie, and even Fitz to an extent. She could hide it in front of her friends in New York, and to her mother over the phone.

But no matter what was "right," or what needed to happen—inside, she was feeling like that verse.

Broken.

* * *

**Alright, friends. I hope you are all staying safe and healthy.**

**And just know, it's going to get worse before it gets better. Some patience may be required. But as I've assured you—there's no need to worry. The decisions they must make are just unfortunately not light ones.**

**Both definitely have some things to figure out. And at least, both have friends they can turn to about it. That is most definitely a step in the right direction—confessions, confessions...**

**Next chapters will be telling.**

**As always, stay safe.**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	12. Important Conversations I

"What's on your mind, Liv?" Shawn asked.

Olivia looked up from her homework finally, after being extremely deep in thought for a while now. Partially about the homework, but partially about other things.

Other things meaning Fitz.

"Mostly just...this calc problem. Math is just really not my strong suit."

"Oh yes, trust me, I remember. And yet...what'd you get on the math portion of your ACT? A 32?" Shawn asked.

"Yeah. My...lowest score," Olivia replied. "But my ACT wasn't as important as my SAT anyway."

"Good God," Shawn shook her head. "You are ridiculous, Liv. In...the best way."

"Thank you," Olivia nodded with a smile.

"You're welcome," Shawn laughed. "Hey. I'm not playin', though. How you doing?"

"I'm okay," Olivia nodded. "Kind of nervous, though."

"Yeah. I get it. But it's gonna be okay. I know it's gonna go well. Just like it went with your mama," Shawn said.

"Yeah," Olivia sighed. "I hope so. I _really_ hope so. I just...don't want to hurt their feelings. Any of them."

"But...mostly him," Shawn inquired.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "Him and Karen."

"You have to let me know afterwards, okay? I'm here. I always am. This is for the best. And he'll know that no matter what," Shawn said.

Olivia nodded, giving her friend a grateful smile. "Love you."

"Love you," Shawn said. "You gonna get through all of this. I know it. And it's gonna be...better than you ever thought. This is all gonna work out just fine. I don't know exactly how it will, but it _always_ does."

Olivia sighed and nodded. But her nod was a bit hesitant.

"I know I'll be fine. I've got...things I want to do here. Coming to New York...it's only ever been about my goals. And it still is, I can't wait to get out there and do what I want to do. But...part of me wonders what I'm going to do, if...I can't move on from him."

Shawn gave her a sad look, nodding understandably.

"I mean, what if...what if I never get over him, Shawn?" Olivia asked.

"Movin' away...that will help," Shawn replied. "It's not going to be easy. I'm not going to even pretend I know how you feel, or lie to your face to make you feel better. But I do know that what you're doing right now will help you, Liv."

"Yeah," Olivia sighed. "It will, I know. Thank you, Shawn. You've really helped me through this. I don't know...how I would be dealing with this without you right now."

"That's my job!" Shawn exclaimed. "This will all be alright. Trust me, you and mister shy man gonna find a way—I already said it, yes I did. But still, your life ain't dependent on some white man. Nuh-uh. No matter how fine that white man is. You still gonna go out there and do your business in that big ass city and be the badass bitch that you are. Because you're Olivia Pope. Said what I said, mmhm."

Olivia was laughing at all of it, giving her friend a smile. "Thanks, Shawn,"

"Oh, you're absolutely welcome," Shawn nodded.

"He is really fine though," Olivia said quietly. Of course, there was much more to him than that, but her friend had a point.

Shawn tilted her head and pointed at Olivia. "You ain't wrong. He's fine as hell—I still stand by that too. The jury will not forget this fact."

"_So_ fine," Olivia mouthed.

"The jury will also not forget that he is a complete nerd," Shawn said.

"Little bit."

"But—that's besides the point right now," Shawn said. "The point is, this will be okay. It will _all_ be okay."

Olivia wasn't fully sure about that right now. She agreed things would get better with time, and she definitely knew she was still going to follow the dreams she'd had since she was a kid. Nothing would ever stop her from that.

But the only thing was that she thought he had become a part of that dream. As silly as it may have sounded, she had thought he was it.

She knew it had only been a few months. She knew he was married and in a downright impossible situation. He had a ten year-old-child, and was 12 years older than her.

But there was something about the way he felt, how they were together, how they clicked. It felt easy to her. It felt like he was the one, despite everything.

Of course, now she was questioning that, thinking she was an idiot. She wanted to have hope that they could figure things out and find a way to be together. Or perhaps someday down the road, they'd run into each other again and reconsider everything. She wanted to believe that.

But at the same time, she was trying to be realistic, like she'd always tried to be when it came to him. She was trying to move on, and part of her knew there was a good chance she'd never get to tell him how she really felt. A chance she'd never get to kiss him again, or touch him. A good chance that even if he was the one for her, that _she_ wasn't the one for _him_. Or even if they both were, it still just wasn't going to work out like that.

Because life didn't always work out like that. Life wasn't a fairytale, and this situation was the exact opposite of it.

And so far, since things had ended, she wasn't sure it was getting easier. Easier to talk about with Shawn, at least—yes. But easier in general—no.

It still hadn't been very long, just over a week. However, being with Fitz alone had become a bit easier. They just stayed far away from the subject of them—it seemed like the most efficient way to do it. That way, they could chat about everyday things, and not be awkward or weird. Mostly.

It wasn't how it had been before everything had happened—not yet. She hoped it would get back to that, though, at least before she said goodbye for winter break.

After that, she didn't know what the hell would happen, because she wouldn't be coming back, not to Rye.

She didn't know how often she'd see him, or be able to see Karen. She didn't even know.

And that was exactly what she had to go tell them in a few minutes, when she went upstairs for dinner. She finally got her residence references in, so she wanted to tell them as soon as possible now that she had at least made the final decision. Plus, she was leaving tomorrow to fly home for Thanksgiving break, so she wanted to use this last and nearest chance to tell them in person. She'd told her mother already, who as she'd predicted, hadn't been surprised.

It had gone well. As long as Olivia was happy, Marie was happy. But this conversation with the Grants—she knew it would be more difficult.

So Shawn wished her luck one last time before she hung up and went upstairs to eat.

The smell of stir fry filled her nose as soon as she reached the top of the stairs, and she instantly smiled. She was going to miss his cooking desperately.

She walked into the kitchen, seeing only Fitz standing by the stove as he finished up the stir fry. Mellie was finishing up with Karen, practicing her piano.

He was in his own world in the kitchen. Somewhere he could escape. Focusing on three different things at once, and enjoying every bit of it.

She interrupted his previous silence as she began to fill a glass up with water from the fridge's dispenser.

He was clearly startled, looking behind him at the fridge.

His face softened and he gave her a smile. _After_ he briefly looked her over—she saw it, she knew she did.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi," she answered. "Stir fry looks good."

"Thanks," he nodded, as Mellie and Karen entered the kitchen.

"Daddy. What's for dinner again?" Karen asked.

"Stir fry, honey," he answered, beginning to grab the bowls next to the stove so he could serve them up.

"Oh," Karen smiled. "Your stir fry is the best, dad."

Olivia saw him smile to himself. "Thanks, sweetheart. How hungry are you, on a scale from one to ten?"

"Mmm...seven," Karen answered.

"Okay. Mell?" Fitz asked.

"Six," Mellie answered.

Fitz served them all their stir fry with rice, since he was right there at the stove.

"Liv?" he asked, eyeing her.

"Seven," Olivia said.

"Just like me!" Karen said.

"Just like you!" Olivia exclaimed, giving her a smile.

She only hoped Karen's happiness wouldn't be ruined by what she had to tell them tonight over dinner. She figured it was best. They were all together, and it was one of the only times they were. They all had their own things to be doing every night, but dinner was an exception. They always ate together.

The conversation progressed past the normal talk of how everyone's day was. How light or heavy everyone's week was. Talk about Karen's upcoming pacer test the next day in gym class.

But when the conversation hit a brief and natural pause, Olivia saw her opening. Her heart started to beat faster as she went for it.

"You know, I actually had something I wanted to talk to you all about," Olivia said, pausing her chopsticks in her bowl of stir fry.

Mellie and Karen looked up casually from their dinner, but she instantly saw the panic arise in Fitz's eyes.

His head immediately lifted and he looked at her, studying her face with worried eyes. Trying to gauge what this could be about.

"Of course, Olivia. What is it?" Mellie asked.

"Well," Olivia began. "I did need to come to some important decisions within the next couple weeks for school, and...I've made them. As you could have guessed, I am definitely going to finish out this year at UNIS."

She looked around at everyone who was nodding thoughtfully. Mellie and Karen were smiling, and Fitz almost had a look of relief on his face.

"That is wonderful, Olivia!" Mellie exclaimed. "I'm not surprised. I know you'll continue to do great things there, and afterward."

Oh, the guilt.

Mellie's kindness hurt so badly. Olivia almost thought it would be so much easier if she hated her guts or something.

"Well, thank you!" Olivia smiled. "Yeah, I'm really excited and so grateful to have the opportunity to finish there. It's an absolutely amazing school. And...with that comes my living situation, which...I also had to make a decision about. It was...an extremely tough decision for me to make. But next semester...I'm going to be staying in one of UNIS' residences in the city."

She was afraid to see the reactions. She was so afraid.

She hesitantly looked around the table, beginning with Mellie because she was directly across from her.

Mellie was nodding, although not with a smile, and looking pretty solemn. As if she understood, but was sad about it.

Karen looked deep in thought down at her bowl of stir fry. She couldn't even look up. She put her fork down in her bowl and sat back in her chair. The sad look on her face hit Olivia like a truck.

And so did looking over at Fitz.

He looked just like his daughter. He was looking down at his food, before he looked up at Olivia, meeting her eyes. His sad eyes made her want to cry all over again, if that was even possible for her tear ducts anymore.

And she locked eyes with him for too long, probably. Staring right back into those pretty baby blue eyes that looked hurt, and almost betrayed. But he must have realized that that couldn't happen forever, because he eyed his wife and began to nod along with her. Showing her he understood, but she knew he was still hurt.

"I just want to say...I have absolutely loved it here. I will be so sad to go, and I'm so grateful that I got to stay with...such a wonderful family like you. You all mean the world to me, and I will never forget everything that you did for me. So thank you _so_ much for that," Olivia said. "I am just...also very ready to start my journey in the city. I've always dreamed of living there, and...this will give me a little taste of it before college."

Mellie nodded, flashing her a genuine smile now. "That is totally understandable, Olivia. We've been so happy to have you here too!"

Fitz nodded in agreement, clearing his throat before he spoke up. "We know living in the city has always been your dream. Go live it."

"Absolutely," Mellie nodded. "Follow your dreams. That's important, isn't it K?" she asked Karen.

Karen nodded as she sat back in her chair, but her lip began to tremble and tears slowly filled her eyes.

"I will be happy for you to live your dream, Olivia," she whispered. "But I will miss having you here with us."

Olivia watched Karen begin to cry, and she had such a tough time keeping her own tears in all over again.

That was another heartbreak she was really going to have to get over.

"Oh, K," Olivia said, reaching for her hand. "Don't cry, sweetheart."

"Honey," Mellie said, giving her a smile. "Olivia can always come back and visit, or we can go visit her!"

"Exactly," Olivia agreed, rubbing Karen's hand. "It's not goodbye forever. I promise."

Karen nodded, wiping her face sadly. Her dad looked at her and seemed as though he had a hard time watching it, himself. That along with the fact that he still looked hurt.

"I know," Karen nodded with a sniffle. "I just wish you could stay...for the rest of the year."

Olivia nodded understandingly, squeezing her hand with a smile.

Part of her wished that too.

"I do too. But you know what?" Olivia asked.

"What?" Karen asked, her little fingers wiping her tears.

"We can FaceTime, and call, and text as _much_ as you want to," Olivia said. "And I won't be very far at all!"

"That sounds like a great idea," Fitz nodded quietly in agreement.

"Okay," Karen nodded. "That sounds good. I am sorry. I will just miss you."

"We will all miss her, K," Mellie nodded.

Fitz nodded as well, but he felt so distant. Olivia was sure it was only her, but because she had grown to know him intimately, she just felt it. He felt so far away.

"I will miss you all so much. Seriously, I...will never be able to thank you enough," Olivia said, giving them all a grateful smile.

"No need to thank us, Olivia. You have been such a joy to have here, and a great role model for Karen. Not only with the CITYterm program, but with everything," Mellie said. "So thank you."

Regardless of what Olivia knew about Mellie, she was being sweet, and she knew it was genuine. Although, she also had a feeling if Mellie knew everything, she wouldn't be afraid to bare her teeth.

But right now, she appreciated her kind words.

"We'll miss you, Liv," Fitz added.

And that was the icing on the cake. She wanted to tell him and only him behind closed doors how much she'd miss him. But she knew she couldn't.

And she didn't let it become any more sad than it already was at that dinner table. Karen's tears had been enough.

Nobody let it. It was clear that they all tried to lift each other's spirits, or at least, make the mood lighter after that.

They moved on to other subjects; Fitz asked about Karen's upcoming project in her GT club to try and lighten the mood. It worked. Karen was always happy to talk about school; something she truly enjoyed. She was so very smart, and that much was always obvious. One day Olivia knew that girl was going to do absolutely amazing things.

They talked about their plans for Thanksgiving, and Olivia and Fitz's plan to leave extremely early in the morning so she could be at the airport with plenty of time. She had school off now until next Monday, which was nice.

But they didn't stay and chat too long after they finished dinner, because everyone had their own thing they needed to do, too.

Karen wanted to go FaceFime her partner about their GT project, but Olivia went upstairs with her first. Just to be with her, and lift her spirits if she could. She sat with her for about an hour, doing Karen's favorite thing. Listening to music, chatting, and doing a little bit of homework before leaving her be so she could FaceTime her friend. Olivia had to go pack and let Shawn know how the conversation at dinner had gone anyway.

Mellie had settled down in the sunroom in the meantime with a magazine, and Fitz had been working in his main level office the whole time.

Part of him wanted to go to his downstairs office eventually, just because wanted to go talk to Olivia.

He was upset, but felt like he had absolutely no right to be. It just hurt so badly. Not just the fact that she was officially leaving them—earlier than she could have. But because she hadn't even told him. Not before tonight, when she'd told the rest of them.

He told himself he had no right. That it was better for her to leave anyway—which was 100 percent true and he knew it.

But he couldn't help it. He started pacing his office, and ultimately, took the opportunity of everybody else doing their own thing to head quietly downstairs.

Her bedroom door was closed, as it often was. But he knew the sound of him entering the basement would have been audible to her. So he wasted no time in knocking.

"You can come in," she said, almost hesitantly.

He turned the handle and looked in, seeing her packing up her open suitcase, which was resting against her closet door.

"I'm sorry. Is this...I can come back later," he said.

"It's alright," she said. "I'm almost done anyway. What's...up?" she asked.

He sighed, looking down at the floor, and then back toward her. He slipped inside and shut her door behind him, and then locked it.

"Fitz," she said. "I think that door should be open."

"Yeah, I know," he nodded. "Just give me one minute first."

She knew what was coming.

She closed her suitcase and stood up, before nodding at him.

"Okay."

He looked around her room, scratching his head. Appearing nervous, and hurt. But also looking serious before he spoke again.

"You didn't tell me."

She let out a quiet sigh, meeting his eyes.

"I know."

"You...didn't tell me," he said again.

"I only got everything set yesterday. And...I thought it would be best to tell everyone at the same time, so...I just waited."

He nodded, swallowing hard. "I wish you would have told me before."

"Would it have helped?" she asked. And she truly wondered, because she had debated telling him first.

"Probably...not. But I would have appreciated it."

"There wasn't an easy way for me to do it, regardless," she said. "Either way, it was going to be painful. I'm sorry, Fitz."

He nodded, biting his lip. He leaned against the door, slipping his hands in his pockets.

"It's me, isn't it."

She looked at him contently, seeing the pain in his eyes. The emotion.

"It's not just...we both know I can't stay here, Fitz," she whispered.

"I know," he agreed. "But...I still can't help but feel like...this is you leaving me."

"That's..." she began, shaking her head. "That's not fair, Fitz."

"It isn't," he nodded. "I know. I'm being unfair, and selfish."

"I just don't think...you quite understand how it is from my point of view, Fitz. I can't do this anymore, I just can't. It's not right for me to live under this roof anymore—not after the things we've done here. Not after...what's happened. And...I can't stay here and watch you be her husband. I can't watch you be hers, not anymore. I've done it long enough."

"I am _not_ hers," he said shakily, stepping away from the door.

She looked away from his gaze, calmly exhaling because she was afraid of saying something she would regret.

"You've said it before. That I belong to her. But I don't. I'm married to her, but I belong to you," he said strongly, but quietly. "And you know that."

"Do _not_ say that to me," she shook her head.

"It's true?" he questioned, moving closer to her now, as she stood in front of him.

"It _isn't?"_ she shook her head. "It _can't_ be. You can't say things like that to me, Fitz. It hurts. It hurts to hear those things, when they can't be true. We can't...say those things anymore."

"What _can_ I say to you then? Can you really pretend all of this hasn't happened? Really?" he asked.

"No, I can't! That's a part of why I'm leaving!" she exclaimed.

He was standing so close to her now, sighing as he looked down at the floor.

She instantly felt bad for raising her voice at him. But she looked up at him and saw him shake his head sadly.

"I'm...so sorry," he whispered.

"For what?" she asked.

"For everything, Liv. For everything," he answered.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop apologizing," she said, not meeting his eyes.

"I can't even do that anymore?" he asked.

It was hard to look at him just then. But she did, and they both saw and felt each other's pain.

It was silent for a few more moments, but he spoke up again.

"I know you need to go. Trust me, you...you're right. It just...hurts," he said quietly, giving her a shrug. "That's all."

"I know it does. It hurts me too," she nodded. "Damned if I do, damned if I don't. Right?"

He nodded slowly and sighed. "Yeah. That...seems to be how it goes for us."

She nodded in agreement. "Pretty much."

He looked around her bedroom, and then down at her suitcase. "Alright. Well. I'll let you, uh...I'll let you get back to your packing."

"You don't have to go, Fitz," she said.

He moved toward the door anyway, looking back at her. "Door should probably be open anyway, Liv."

But as he turned in the doorway, holding the handle, he let her know something else.

"I won't...say things you don't want me to. I don't want to hurt you. I've...done enough of that, and...I truly can never explain to you how sorry I am for all of this. But I meant what I said before. And I'm not taking it back."

And with that, he left the basement again.

She put her hand to her face, rubbing her eyes after that discussion. Actually, it had gone better than she thought it would. No tears on her end, and just real talk. She could handle that.

And in a sense, she knew what he meant. She couldn't speak to what he truly felt for her. But she knew he felt more for her than he had ever felt for Mellie. So she understood.

But at the same time, it didn't feel fair for him to say that. It didn't feel fair, when he very clearly wasn't in a position to mean it. He had shit to figure out, as her best friend Shawn had said. And a part of Olivia was always going to hope he would.

But also, she didn't know how realistic that really was in Fitz's mind. To leave his comfortable life for her. To mess up everything, not only for himself, but for Karen too, and for Mellie, for that matter. That didn't feel good to think about, either. Regardless of what would make Fitz happier, that was a big choice to make, and she knew that.

And along with that, how long could she really hope for something like that? She had a life to live, too. She certainly didn't feel even the slightest desire to get back in the dating game, not after him, and not right now.

But eventually, she may want to. Maybe she'd meet someone in college that she liked? It could be so much easier. Someone her age, who wasn't, hmm, _married._

That felt unlikely, though. Because she knew nobody would compare. He was what she wanted.

He just wasn't what she could have.

Fitz came upstairs after talking with Olivia, unsure of what to do next. He didn't think it had hit him yet; that she'd truly be gone in less than a month. That everything would return to how it had been before.

The thought scared him, and also made him feel a little bit sick.

He wanted to talk to someone, although he knew he couldn't at the moment. Not in the house.

So he worked a little more in his office, until he checked his watch and saw it was time for Karen to go to bed.

"K," he called out loudly, simultaneously looking at his computer.

"Yeah?"

"Time to get ready for bed, okay?"

"Okay," she yelled back.

He then decided to finish up and go shower, hoping it would relax him a little bit.

At least, that was his _plan_.

When he got upstairs to his bedroom, Mellie was walking to her dresser in her robe.

She nodded at him as he entered, and he gave a nod back.

"Did you already shower?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered.

"Mkay."

He was on his way. So close. But he didn't even reach the bathroom before she spoke up again.

"I was going to ask you about Olivia," she said, as she pulled on a shirt.

His heart about stopped. He paused by the bathroom door, looking back at her. "Okay...?"

Mellie looked at him in wonder. "Did you know she was going to decide to leave?"

He felt a little better at where the conversation was headed, because with the way she began it, he had grown anxious. That could have been about _anything._

"I had...no idea," he shook his head honestly. He unbuttoned his dress shirt and threw it in the hamper, before turning on the bathroom light.

"I just hope she had a good experience here," Mellie said. "I hope we aren't a reason that she wants to leave. Karen certainly could have benefitted from having her here a whole year."

Fitz wanted to roll his eyes as he entered the bathroom. "Olivia's wanted to live in the city her whole life, we've known that all along. And Karen's going to do what Karen wants to do. You can't force anything on her."

"I'm not?" Mellie questioned.

"Well, you were trying, actually. The whole reason Olivia is here is because you want Karen to do what she's doing. She's seen Olivia's experience now for a whole semester. She'll make her own decision on it eventually when it comes time. So there you go. You did all you can do," he said.

She scoffed. "What's your problem tonight?"

"Nothing is my problem," he answered, removing his dress pants and undershirt too.

He had a lot of problems, actually.

"I'm not forcing anything on Karen. I'm simply showing her the options she has. An intelligent girl like her, with no financial constraints to hold her back. She's a rare one."

"And yet—she should do whatever _she_ wants to do," he nodded.

"Yes, Fitzgerald, I am aware," Mellie spit back.

Now he really did roll his eyes, although she couldn't see him.

"All I'm saying, is I hope we didn't do anything that made Olivia want to leave. She grew very close to Karen, too, and I don't want K to be too affected by that. Liv had a whole half a year left that she could have stayed here," Mellie said. _"You _didn't have anything to do with her wanting to leave, did you?"

He grew panicked again. But also, he grew mad.

"What?" he asked, coming to look at her.

She had her hands on her hips, staring at him as he entered the bedroom again.

"Well, I'm just asking? You're the one who spends the most time with her aside from Karen. Have you...done anything to make her want to leave?" Mellie asked.

"Why on earth would you ask me something like that?" he asked.

"Well, Fitzgerald, you barely talk to the girl. I wonder how fun those commutes must be for her," Mellie said sarcastically.

Oh, how wrong she was. All he wanted to_ do_ was talk to her. And...other things. But of course, he acted as though Mellie was correct.

"Hm. You know, Mell, if you were worried about that, you should have consulted with me in the first place. Considering, you know, you planned all of this without me knowing, and I was always going to be the one bringing her into the city with me."

"Good lord, we're not still on about that are we?" Mellie asked.

He sighed and went back to the bathroom. "No. I'm done talking about it on both accounts, actually. I said what I wanted to say."

Mellie sighed annoyedly. "Whatever, Fitz."

He shut the door, happy to be done with that. Not that it was unusual. At all.

He just could have done without that tonight. She pissed him off, and he'd realized that in the past few months, he'd been more pissed off than normal by her.

The hot shower did relax him, though. It had become an escape. An escape where he could be alone for a little bit, away from everyone else.

The hot water could run down his body, relaxing his tense muscles. And he could think.

There was nothing to interrupt his thoughts. He thought about a lot of things. A wide variety of things, actually.

He thought about Olivia—about being with her. Leaving Mellie, actually divorcing her and making it all work. He thought about the best-case scenario, where it could all work out, and Karen would not only understand, but be happy. There would be no hiccups or obstacles.

He also thought about the worst-case scenario, where it all completely backfired. Where Mellie refused to agree, or where Karen couldn't take that big of a change, or he didn't get to see her enough.

He thought about living out the rest of his life just the way that it was. Comfortable, with no change. A two-parent household for Karen. What they'd always wanted for her. But being unhappy.

He thought about all of that. There were other things he thought about sometimes too.

He'd think about how great it felt for Olivia to be attracted to him. How it felt to hug her and kiss her. How it felt when she laughed because of something he said. Or when she kissed his nose. Or when she called him "smiley," something he hadn't heard her call him in too long.

Or he'd think about things he _really_ knew he shouldn't.

Like her body. Oh, how he knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it.

His mind had wandered there quite a few times while he was alone. And even while he wasn't alone too.

She was so sexy. That much was never going to go away.

Maybe it _was_ a good thing she was leaving.

When he got out of the shower, he found Mellie scrolling through some emails in bed, with just her lamp turned on.

"Karen's waiting for you," she said quietly.

He walked toward his dresser to grab some clothes, wearing just his towel.

"Alright."

He changed quickly into some comfier clothes, before heading into Karen's room.

When he walked in, she was all snuggled up in her bed. Hank was on the floor next to her, wagging his tail at the sight of Karen and now Fitz.

"Hey buddy," Fitz said, leaning down to pet him quick.

"Hank helped me do my homework tonight," Karen giggled. "Him and Liv."

"Oh, Hank helped too, huh?" Fitz chuckled, sitting down on the edge of her bed.

"Mmhm," she nodded.

"Did you finish it all?" he asked.

"Yes," she nodded.

"That's my girl," he smiled, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "I am always so proud of you. Mom and I. Do you know that?"

"Thanks, daddy," she said, snuggling under her covers with a smile. "I know it."

"Good," he said, rubbing her cheek. "I love you."

"I love you," she said back.

He smiled, looking down at her with a quiet sigh. At least he still had his favorite girl to cheer him up. Her little face could cure most things, he was sure.

"Olivia came to say goodbye to me and mom since you will leave so early in the morning. I'm sad she can't stay for Thanksgiving. I know she would love Thanksgiving at grandma Jean's house," Karen said.

"I bet she would. But she has to go spend it with her own family, K," he replied.

Karen nodded. "Yeah. I know."

He sighed, looking down at his sweet daughter. She didn't even know how much things had been affecting him lately.

Or maybe she did, based on what he said next.

"You're sad," Karen whispered, looking up at him.

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking down at her. "What, honey?"

"You are sad," Karen said. "You haven't been...daddy. You have been sadder lately."

If he thought panic was rising in his chest when he was talking to Mellie, he was mistaken. This was _much_ worse.

"What? No, honey, I'm just fine. Daddy's not sad," he shook his head.

A lie—right to his daughter's face.

Karen looked at him uncertainly. Like she saw right through him.

"Why do you think that, sweetheart?" he asked gently.

"Because. When I am sad, I don't want to talk as much. And...that's how you seem too," she answered.

"Well I don't mean for you to think that, honey," Fitz said, stroking her curly hair. "I'm not sad. Things have just been...busy at work."

At least that was only a partial lie.

She nodded, but she still didn't seem convinced.

"Daddy," she said shakily.

"Hm?"

"Are you sure it...isn't because of mommy?" she asked in a whisper.

"Because of mommy? K, why would I be sad because of mom?" Fitz asked.

She shrugged, and looked at him nervously. And he knew right then that there was something she wasn't saying.

"Baby, what is it? Why would you think that?" Fitz asked.

Her lip started to tremble again, just as it had at the dinner table earlier today. She didn't cry much at all, but now twice in one day?

Jesus—everything was going to shit lately.

"Hey, hey, hey," he said gently, wiping the tear that had just slipped down her cheek away.

"K. Don't cry, sweetheart. What's wrong?" he asked.

"I don't want you...and mom to get mad at me," she whimpered.

He was so confused now, but he couldn't take the sad look on her face.

"Karen," Fitz said, rubbing her arm. "We won't get mad. I just want to know what's wrong so I can help, okay?"

She sniffled, not meeting his eyes anymore.

"I just wondered...if you were sad because of mom. Because...you and mom...aren't very happy when you are together alone, and it's been...making you sad?" she said.

It was like someone had shot him in the chest. Right in the damn _heart_. But he had to refrain from showing how it had impacted him, so she didn't get even more worried.

"What? K, of course, we are," he said lightly. "Why would you think we aren't?"

She looked at him sadly. "I am little daddy. I don't...know some grown-up things. But I know...you and mom act happier in front of me than when you are alone. I hear that you have fights in your room. A lot."

Now he cursed himself for their fight earlier, and all the ones before that. They thought they'd always been quiet, but apparently not quiet enough. He felt like he had to fight off tears, hearing this from his daughter. The little girl he and Mellie were doing all of this for.

But he had to keep it together for her.

"Oh, honey," Fitz shook his head. "Every mom and dad has fights. That doesn't mean...they aren't happy, sweetheart. _Everyone_ has fights. Fights are...just a part of life."

She thought about what he said, and nodded. Still looking sad, but seeming like she was now taking that into account, and hadn't before.

"Everything is just fine, Karen," he said gently. "Okay?"

She looked at him and wiped her face, nodding. "You...are not sad?"

"I'm not," he shook his head. "I'm sorry you thought I was. But I want you to know that everything is fine, sweetie."

She nodded slowly, slipping her tiny hand into his large one. "Okay, dad."

"Okay," he nodded, leaning down to kiss her cheek again.

"And hey. I don't ever want you to think you can't tell me or mom something. Okay? We always want you to tell us if you're feeling sad about something. No matter what. We won't be mad. We just want to know so we can help you. Right?"

"Right," she sniffled. "Okay."

"That's my girl," he whispered, rubbing the soft skin on the top of her hand. "You okay, baby?"

"Mhm," she nodded. "I just hoped you weren't sad."

"Daddy's not sad. Get some sleep," he said, pulling the comforter up over her more. "I love you so much."

"I love you, dad," she whispered.

"Goodnight."

It hurt to leave that bedroom. He had tried his best to assure her that everything was fine. He hadn't known what else to do in the moment—it had come out of nowhere and she'd never said anything like that before.

Clearly she was picking up on the fact that he probably _had_ been off lately—because of him and Olivia ending things. he hadn't hidden that well enough, at least from Karen.

He went immediately back to his bedroom, feeling the absolute panic in his chest as his heart rate picked up. He had to work hard to suppress it, but he was able to for the most part. He steadied himself against the doorframe of his bedroom, nudging it open. He inhaled and exhaled calmly, looking in at Mellie, who looked up the second she heard him.

"Fitz. Hey, sit down. What's up with you?" she asked, immediately recognizing that he was very clearly off.

He shook his head at her and shut the door lightly, not wanting Karen to hear it slam. But he wanted to slam it. He was so mad, and that took him over.

Mat at Mellie, for earlier. Mad that Olivia was leaving. Mad that Karen had been upset, because he hated when she was upset. Mad that regardless of how much she actually understood, she picked up on things that he didn't want her to.

And he took it all out on his wife.

The anger distracted him; distraction was one of the most efficient ways to avoid what could potentially happen. So at least, that was a positive?

Mellie was preparing for it, though. She'd witnessed many of them in her day and knew how to handle them. But he shook his head and asked her something with a strong, but quiet voice. He didn't want Karen to hear, but there was no mistaking that he was pissed.

"Did Karen say anything to you earlier?"

Mellie raised an eyebrow at him. "Anything about what? Are you—Fitz, do you need to sit down?"

He shook his head. "No—I'm fine. But _we_ aren't. Our daughter is smarter than we think she is, Mell."

"Well—of course she is," Mellie said.

He rolled his eyes. "Mellie. She just laid there crying in front of me, asking if I was sad because you and I aren't happy. Because she knows we fight, and...and _pretend_ in front of her."

Mellie's eyes widened. "What?"

He nodded at her. "Yep."

"Well why would she say that?" Mellie asked.

"Because she's not dumb? And because she picks up on more than we think she does?" Fitz said, looking at her angrily.

"Well..." Mellie began, looking around flustered. "Well what did you say?"

"The only thing I could say," he replied. "I told her...everything was fine. I said—she shouldn't worry, because I actually want her to be able to sleep through the night for Christ's sake."

"Well good then. And did she believe you?" Mellie asked.

Fitz chuckled, shaking his head at her.

"You're unbelievable."

She put her hand to her chest and looked at him in awe. "Me?! What did I do? You're the one that made her think these things. What is she even talking about—that you're sad?"

He could have laughed again, because of much she truly didn't care for him, or about him. That she hadn't even noticed anything different with him lately. That's what he'd aimed for, but it was almost humorous that his daughter noticed it, and not her.

"Work's been crazy, I don't know. I'm fine—I don't give a shit about me," he replied.

Another half a lie right there.

"It wasn't just me that made her think these things. It was you and me. _We_ did this," he said quietly. "And you're sitting there worried about whether or not I convinced her that things are okay. Yes, Mell, she went to sleep happy. She believed the outright lie I told straight to her face. You happy?"

"I'm worried about that because that's what's most important!" Mellie exclaimed quietly, coming over to him. She grabbed his hand and led him to the closet, probably so that they didn't have to practically whisper yell at each other in fear that Karen would hear. Again.

He pulled his hand away from her, giving her a very sassy look, if he had to guess. But he followed her nonetheless, and slammed the door behind him.

"For now—maybe. I certainly wasn't going to make things worse right now, she's already dealing with Olivia leaving. But then what, huh? Then what Mell?"

"What do you mean, _then what?_ We'll do what we always do? We'll make it work. We know how," Mellie said.

"Clearly, we _don't,"_ Fitz shot back.

"Then we'll do better. We'll be better," Mellie reasoned.

Fitz just laughed, shaking his head at her. They stood in silence, staring at each other.

"You know, Mell, do you ever get sick of it?" he asked.

"Sick of what?" Mellie asked.

"This," he said, pointing to the two of them. "You and me. This...fucking joke of a marriage. You know, how come out of all the stupid, ridiculous fights we have, we never have this one? The one where we talk about how long we can really do this?"

Mellie's face got stern and she shook her head at him. "We don't have this fight because you know that's not an option. End of discussion."

"Oh, _absolutely not_, this is _not_ the end of the discussion," he shook his head. "I let you say what you want to me, I hold my tongue because frankly, I don't care enough anymore. But not tonight, not with this. This is far different and you damn well know it."

And it was true. He hadn't gotten _this_ involved in a fight in a long time. But he was letting it all out now. All the pent up anger, all of the things that had pissed him off tonight and upset him. It was all coming out. And it was probably time.

"Yeah, you're right. I haven't heard you say this many words in _years," _Mellie said sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes at her, crossing his arms over his chest as she continued to talk.

"This isn't an option, and you know it. I will not have her grow up the way I did," Mellie said sternly.

"Oh my God, you grew up in a fucking _palace! _Your parents didn't get along, my oh my, isn't that exactly what's going on here? With you and I? Jesus Christ, at least you had two living parents!" he exclaimed. "They got divorced, Mell. Well you know what, so do 50 percent of other married couples in America."

Her face grew so angry, angrier than he ever thought possible. When he saw tears welling up in her eyes, he instantly knew he'd gone too far. Talking about her parents and her childhood, especially like that. Minimizing her experience.

Off-limits.

"Don't...you..._dare_, talk down to me about growing up in a palace, you fucking trust fund baby. Just the same as me—don't be a hypocrite. You have no idea what I dealt with when I was a child. You don't even know the damn _half_ of it, Fitzgerald. You don't know how much it harmed me. And I will _not_ let it harm her," she said, pointing at him.

"Yeah, and our only plan in order for us not to harm her—is pretend. Well guess what, we thought it could work, only now, she's questioning. So how long do you realistically think it's gonna take for her to question us again? Huh? Another month or two? Maybe a year? Well then what?"

"She won't need to question again, because we can figure it out," Mellie said again, wiping her face of the angry tears quickly. "We'll be better."

He sighed, looking her over. "I can't be better with you."

"Well, you better fucking try," she whispered. "We've done it for ten years, I don't know how this could still be a problem now. There's no other option."

"Oh, there are _plenty_ of other options," he suggested. He'd never said that to her before.

But she'd had quite enough after that.

She shook her head and let out a sarcastic laugh. "I'm _done_ with this conversation."

She opened the door and left before he could even say another word. He was tired anyway. It had been one of the longest days he'd had in a while. But there was no way in hell he was sleeping next to her.

He knew he'd stepped over the line a little bit with the mention of her parents—that was so out of bounds and he knew it, but had done it anyway.

He already felt bad, but he was still so pissed off, and needed to leave that room. So he did. He was already ready for bed, and he should probably let Hank out one more time anyway.

He went and grabbed the pillows from his side of the bed and glared at her, walking toward their bedroom door.

"Where the fuck are you going?" Mellie asked.

"I'm not sleeping with you. I'll sleep in a guest room," he answered.

"What? Karen could see you," she said back in a hushed whisper.

And she was right. There was a reason they slept in the same room. Their King sized bed was big enough for them to stay far away from each other. But also, the guest rooms were down the hallway past Karen's room, so if anyone were to sleep there, there was a possibility she could see that. She slept with her door open for the most part.

"Then I'll sleep on the couch, or in the basement," he shrugged.

She scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous. You're not actually going to do that."

He raised his eyebrows at her as he opened their door and then shut it, all while she watched him. His actions didn't even need a response.

Considering he didn't want to worry Karen more right now, he headed downstairs. Not to the guest room in the basement, just the living room couch on the main level. He was quiet, and it was comfortable enough.

Anything was better than his own bedroom.

He felt even more conflicted now. He'd flat out lied to Karen tonight, he didn't really have another choice. He hadn't talked it through with Mellie at that point and it had been pretty sudden. Not to mention, he knew she was a worrier, and wouldn't be able to sleep if he said "yeah, actually your mom and I loathe each other! Good catch!"

If he was actually going to sit down with Karen and have a talk about this, he needed a little more time to think through what he'd say, and he definitely wouldn't do it right before she went to sleep. Good lord that had really caught him off guard.

But he hadn't been lying when he told Mellie it was only a matter of time before she questioned them again.

This was exactly what he didn't need tonight, on top of everything else. Or maybe...it _was_ what he needed.

He didn't know. Not right now. There was so much on his mind to begin with—tonight had made it all ten times worse.

Hank had come down from Karen's bedroom, so Fitz let him out to the bathroom. After he had come back inside, Fitz laid down on the couch, thankful that it was at least comfortable and he had a pillow and a blanket. Hank decided to curl up next to him on the floor, probably wondering why the hell his dad was sleeping there.

Fitz's thoughts consumed him.

First and foremost, about his little girl. Desperately hoping she was okay, and that she wouldn't overthink things. He knew tomorrow he'd have to do something for her. Something to make her smile. Make her favorite dinner, or maybe order from her favorite restaurant. Surprise her with something, maybe. He had until tomorrow after work and her school when he'd see her next, to think of something.

Then, he thought about his fight with Mellie.

He and Mellie had never had a conversation like that in their lives. He knew he'd need to apologize tomorrow about some of the things he had said, and he would.

But then, laying there in the dark living room, his thoughts turned to another woman. She was a _huge_ part of all of this, after all. Even if Mellie and Karen didn't know it.

He thought about what his best friend had told him regarding Olivia. What she'd said about having a choice in all of this. That was always on his mind too.

It was kind of what Olivia had said earlier tonight. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. That's how he felt about his "options."

On one hand, he had a family, and separating it would take time, effort. It was not a light decision, and would require a lot of thought.

And on the other hand, he loved someone else. Not only that, he'd also never be happy in the situation he was in. Even if Olivia hated his guts and would never even think about becoming involved with him again, that fact would remain the same. That he would never be happy here.

Things were beginning to change now, though.

The fact that he even thought about having a choice this often now, was new. Before, he just felt like he didn't have one. Like Mellie had said, it wasn't an option. And he had agreed.

But now he wasn't sure. Now, he was starting to weigh his options more. He'd been doing it before tonight even happened. And now he knew it would take even more of a mental toll on him.

He wished he could take his mind off of it all for even a second.

He also wished he and Olivia could talk like they used to. How they had even before they'd become involved.

He missed that so much. He missed her—how they used to be. Things had gotten a little better, but they'd never been the same between them since they'd ended things, and he always blamed himself for that. Which she hated.

And so, with his mind now on her, he grew restless. Not sleepy.

An idea formed in his head, one that was stupid, but that he had forgotten about since this night had gone to shit.

He hadn't been loaning her any books recently. But she'd mentioned today that she had finished the last one she'd given him a couple of weeks ago. Back when everything had been...good.

So now, having a mental list of the books she wanted to read in his head, he felt the need to supply her with one. She'd just finished one today—she'd need a new book for enjoyment. Right? She almost always had multiple books going at once, she couldn't bear not to.

Especially with her leaving for Thanksgiving break the next day. She'd have lots of time to read while at home, hopefully. And if not, she'd have the flights back and forth for sure.

So he went for it. Part of him wondered if she'd get mad at him for this, too. If she didn't want him to tell her what was on his mind, maybe he shouldn't be sneaking downstairs late at night to leave her a book.

He knew she liked it, though—his form of "book delivery." Screw it.

He thanked the heavens when he saw that the basement door wasn't fully shut. It would at least give him a better chance of not waking her.

Slipping quietly through the door, he headed to his downstairs office, knowing he had a few books down there that she wanted to read. He'd done a look over of all the different places he kept his books so he had somewhat of an idea where certain ones were.

His desk lamp provided him the perfect amount of soft light to scan his small shelf. One immediately caught his eye.

"Bleak House", by Charles Dickens. It was an extremely long one, and it was one on her ever-changing, super long list.

He figured a longer one would be better right now, because of her break, so he pulled that one off the shelf.

He flipped through the book, seeing only a few of his own personal notes that he had made in it. It was a good one, he remembered liking it. He wrote a little note for her on a post-it note to stick on top.

**Liv,**

**How about this book for Thanksgiving break? Knew it was on your list. Hope you like it.**

He always signed his little post-it notes the same way. He did wonder if he should sign it the same way again. But that was another thing he just went for. She was the one who had come up with the nickname. And that's all it was—an innocent nickname. So he put the pen back down on the bottom of the post-it note, and signed it:

**-Smiley**

This book was definitely one that wouldn't fit under her door, which was fine. Either way, she'd see it in the morning.

He left it right outside her door on the floor, and made his way quietly back upstairs.

And finally, laying on the living room couch, he was able to drift off to sleep.

* * *

The next morning he woke up to his phone alarm, which he'd made sure was simply on vibrate so that it wouldn't echo throughout the living room.

It was so damn early—way too early to work out before they left, so they were going to skip that today. Fitz would just head right to work from the airport today, and he could work out after work. But Olivia had a long day of travel ahead of her, so he got right up and went quietly upstairs to his room to get ready.

Mellie was passed out in just about the middle of their large bed, so she clearly had enjoyed those sleeping arrangements. Good.

He showered quickly and finished getting ready. He let Hank out and fed him, before starting the car so that it wouldn't be too cold for Olivia. It was late November, after all, and she was heading to a much colder place, to begin with.

But he knew she was still happy to go home, despite everything that had been happening lately. She'd talked about it yesterday, that she was happy to go and see her family and friends. And he could see that on her face when he first saw her that morning, as he reached for her suitcase to help her.

"Thanks," she nodded.

"Mhm," he nodded back. She got in the passenger door that he opened for her and he soon came around to get in the driver's side door.

He started a conversation with her while he drove. He needed it, especially after their more serious conversation last night in her bedroom. He thought maybe she needed it, too, so he figured it would make her happy to talk about home. So that's what he asked her about. Part of him wished he could talk to her about his conversations with Mellie and Karen the night before, but he didn't want to add to her plate right now, either, so he stayed away from that.

It was nice, though—their conversation. Despite everything lately, it was nice. There was absolutely no talk about the two of them, or _especially_ about anything last night. They kept it _light_. It was far too early to have it be a heavy conversation, anyway. But it was probably one of the best ones they'd had in weeks, overall.

So when they arrived at the drop-off at LaGuardia, he was sad. Not just because he didn't want to stop talking to her. But because she was leaving for almost a week now, not returning until Sunday.

It would give them both a little taste of what it was like to be away from each other. Otherwise, they were together every day—there wasn't really a way they couldn't be.

Maybe it would be good for them. That's what Olivia was hoping. She knew she'd miss him. But she also knew it could be a good getaway for her. She felt like she needed that.

They sat there, staring at each other, but not moving. Until Fitz spoke up.

"Alright, um...just text us about Sunday and we'll...figure out our plan to come pick you up," he nodded.

"Okay, yeah, thanks. Sounds good," Olivia nodded. "Have a great Thanksgiving. I know it's your favorite holiday."

He could feel himself blushing as he chuckled and nodded. He couldn't figure out how to stop blushing in front of her, even after everything—it was annoying. "Yeah. It is. Good food."

"Your _mom's_ good food. And football," Olivia nodded.

"You remember," he said, looking up at her.

"Of course I do," she nodded back.

"Well, thank you. I hope you have a good Thanksgiving too," he said. "Say hi to your mother and uncle for us."

"I will, do the same for me," she said to him. "And...give Karen another hug and kiss for me later."

"I will," he nodded.

She sighed, looking around at the fairly empty area they were parked in. "Okay. Well. I better get going."

"Okay. Here, I'll help you with your bag," he offered, unbuckling his seatbelt.

She couldn't have even refused his offer, he was up and out of that car in a heartbeat.

She got out and went to the back end of the car, where he lifted her suitcase out and put it on the ground in front of her.

"Thanks, Fitz," she nodded.

"You're welcome, Liv. Have...a great Thanksgiving break," he nodded, looking intently at her. She was wearing her necklace; that would always make him happy.

"Thanks," she said, looking back at him.

She could see the sadness in his eyes, though. She felt it too. It would be weird, going home. Good, but weird.

He reached out his closed fist to her, and it made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy. It always would. Only with him, could a fist bump make her feel like that.

She reached out and bumped it back, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder.

"See you on Sunday."

"Yeah. See you on Sunday."

Pulling her suitcase along behind her, she headed toward the nearest entrance, only to be stopped not long after by him.

"Oh—wait. Um...did you get Charles Dickens? Did you...take that?" he asked.

She instantly turned, smiling because the book was in her backpack. She'd forgotten about it.

"'Bleak House'?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"I did," she nodded, coming back toward him.

"Okay. Was that...I mean, was that okay? I can still...give you books?" he asked.

She looked at him, looking so beautiful. And she smiled, nodding.

"Always."

_Oh, his heart._

He nodded thankfully and gave her a grin and a wave. "Okay, cool...awesome. Um...bye, Liv."

She started walking back toward the entrance again, looking over her shoulder with a grateful smile.

"Bye, smiley."

* * *

**Another emotional chapter. But this one was _so so_ important. Many things that needed to happen, happened.**

**Small steps. I know, I know. A little more patience, friends. We will get there soon.**

**Things will only continue to become clear for them. Hope you're enjoying the messy, bumpy ride as always.**

**Stay safe, stay tuned, and read on,**

**~T**

**P.S. To all the Fitz haters out there—all the man is, is selfless. It's not a matter of "manning up" or "growing a pair" or any other phrases that people have used. It seems some think he is afraid of Mellie, or just afraid to leave Mellie, when there is only one reason he's afraid, and it's _not_ for himself. It's much more complicated than that. Time will show that of course, their marriage is not the best thing for everyone—that much he's figuring out now. But if that aspect of his personality truly bothers you, this will be a tough story for you to read. That's just how this Fitz is—puts others ahead of himself, very reserved, likes to plan. That's all!**


	13. Take a Risk

Her soft beautiful skin.

Her hair, whether in braids, in twists, or natural and down.

Her dark, stunning eyes.

Her sharp jawline, and her cute nose. Her perfect lips.

Her beautiful voice, and her contagious smile, and laugh.

_Her._

His thoughts were all of her right now. Alone in the shower. Letting the hot water wash away his long day—letting the steam fill the bathroom.

His palm was flat against the shower wall, and he was putting all his weight against it. Looking down, and letting the water run over his hair. His eyes were closed, as everything took over.

He wished he had a drink in his other hand right now, actually. That would probably make things even better. He had certainly increased his consumption lately.

But his other hand...

His other hand was busy, starting to slide down his wet skin. Down to an area that hadn't been touched in a while.

And certainly not like how she'd touched him, herself.

He'd never forget that night in the basement, no matter how shitty that weekend had turned out to be.

That night was something else. He had imagined a hundred times over what it would feel like for her to touch him, and that night had blown all of his imaginations clear out of the water. Imitating her hand wouldn't be possible.

But right now he needed it. He really did.

He was so hard; thinking about her usually did that to him.

He slowly began to stroke himself, letting out an unsteady breath. At least the sound of the shower could mask his own sound.

He wished it was Olivia's hand. He wished a lot of things.

He wished that he could kiss her again. That he could touch her again. He wished he had it _all_ back, and more.

He wanted to feel her hand on him. Her mouth on him. He wanted to feel how it felt to be inside of her.

He just wanted it all with her.

It felt like he was throbbing in his hand right now. His hand ran smoothly up and down, as he allowed everything to consume him.

His moan could barely be heard over the sound of the water splashing down, but he was definitely not able to keep himself entirely quiet. His wrist went faster, and he grew closer, which meant he had more to keep in.

His eyes were closed now, and he was leaning forward against the corner of the shower. Bracing himself against the tiled shower wall, but never ceasing the movement of his wrist, or his fingers.

So there he was, the only place he would ever allow himself to do what he was doing. Alone, in the shower. Closed off. Away from anyone else who may see. Just completely, utterly isolated, with nothing but his thoughts.

Olivia was all he thought about.

She was all he thought about for the most part in general, when his mind wasn't needing to be preoccupied with other things. But she was also what he was thinking about while he beat off in the shower.

When he moaned her name, and her name only, as he pushed himself over the edge.

When his cum ran down his hand and then his leg, as the hot water washed all remnants of it away.

After that, he leaned against the shower wall, panting, and trying to catch his breath. He allowed the shallow breaths to build gradually, as the hot air consumed him. But eventually, he needed to escape the hot steam and that place where he let that happen.

He wondered if he had only grown increasingly worse as a person as time had gone on. This had all began with a crush, if it could even be called that. Then it had escalated further to a full-on affair.

And now he was in completely in love with her, getting off to the thought of her in the shower.

All while his family didn't know a single thing about it.

Things were shifting though, in his head. He certainly didn't think he was the greatest man, not anymore. But he also knew he had dealt with what he'd dealt with for a long time. Not that it excused anything he'd done, it certainly did not. But his best friend did have a point when she'd said that lots of people in his and Mellie's situation would have gone looking elsewhere a long time ago.

The thing was—he hadn't gone looking elsewhere. Ever. He had thought he would be comfortable, living the life he had. Not exactly happy for himself, but he knew it well. There was a plan. Karen had everything he and Mellie never really had. And everything she could ever want.

He thought he could do that forever, and had never even thought of looking for something else.

Instead, that something else had made its own way into his life, with the help of Mellie, actually. Olivia.

He was so far gone, he wasn't sure how he'd ever reel himself back in—if that was even possible. It was the first time he'd ever fallen, and he'd fallen hard.

And having her gone was making him realize a lot of things. She, in general, was making him realize a lot of things.

So the thought of leaving for Olivia, hoping she'd want to be with him, and doing it all solely for his own happiness for once—even that started to make his heart leap, simply because he'd never experienced this feeling. He'd never experienced that happiness before. Of course, he would never do something like that solely for himself. Karen had to come before _anything_ else.

But the thing was, having Olivia gone coupled with the knowledge that she was leaving soon for good, had Karen in a much sadder mood.

Fitz knew how much she loved Olivia, and he could already see now how much she would miss her. How happy she was while Olivia was in her life.

This week, in general, Karen had been completely off. Ever since the night that they had talked before bed about him and Mellie.

He talked to her every night to see how she was feeling and she never brought anything else up. But he knew what was on her mind. He'd felt it ever since that night. Things hadn't been the same, and he felt like he had to tiptoe around her even more with Mellie.

He wondered long that could go on. How long he could continue to lie and pretend to her face, when he knew she wouldn't buy it forever. She was only ten years old and he wasn't sure she was even fully buying it now. Who knew how long she had questioned them for. It could have been happening inside her little head for years, and he wouldn't have known it. And that made his heart hurt.

That was the main reason he knew now. It was the main reason he knew what was going to need to happen, and preferably sooner rather than later. She was the reason this would all need to end, because what he and Mellie thought had been to help her, _wasn't_ helping her.

And the other reason—was Olivia.

There was a reason he'd gotten involved with her in the first place. Abby was right, he wouldn't have done it otherwise. What they had was real.

There was something there, and it was so strong. So strong that the only two things that existed in his mind anymore were Karen and her.

She had become his realization. A realization that it was _supposed_ to feel this way. He _should_ be with someone who did this to him.

The day he saw Olivia with his mother, acting like a much more normal mother and daughter in law duo than he was used to—he'd been crazy anxious about it because he was _right._ That was what it looked like. That's what it looked like when the woman he loved and his mother were together.

She was what this was supposed to be.

And in the week she'd been gone, things had only been made more clear. It hit him like a truck—her being gone every day. His life returning to how it had been before she had come here.

If he was barely getting through a week, he wondered how it would be when she was truly gone.

He didn't want her to _ever_ be gone, not from his life. There was no way.

And it wasn't just him. It was Karen too.

She missed Olivia so much, she talked about it every night before bed with him.

It made him wonder.

It made him wonder if she would take knowing the truth about him and Olivia worse, or better, because of the close relationship those two had.

He had to admit, he wasn't exactly sure how a ten-year-old, albeit far beyond her years, would take and understand everything. If it would be good, bad, or ugly.

All he knew was that he was thinking about it. He was thinking about it a lot. About what he wanted now.

Knowing what he wanted was half the battle, as Abby had told him.

He had no idea how exactly to get everything he wanted, or if that would be possible. He didn't know how long things would take. He didn't know if things would work out even remotely how he had begun to envision them, or at all.

But in his heart, he knew. He had an answer to that question Abby had asked him weeks ago.

What he believed now, would be best for all parties. What needed to happen.

And it wasn't staying in this marriage in this house for the rest of his life. After everything that had happened, after recent events, after all of it—he knew it wasn't going to work. How could it, really, at this point.

He didn't have everything figured out, that was for sure. But he did have that much figured out.

It had probably taken him far too long to switch his mindset, in the grand scheme of things. Ten years.

But because he'd done this for ten years, he also knew this wasn't going to be something that he could just make a decision on, and boom—he was moving out, papers were being signed. This would be a battle, and depending on how things went, it could be a long one.

He'd been making some progress though, along with his deep thoughts every night that kept him up until the early hours of the morning sometimes. He hadn't slept with Mellie in over a week—not since before their discussion in the closet.

He'd had another talk with her, but frankly, it was hard to speak to her when she refused to listen, or when Karen was just down the hall. Mellie certainly wouldn't cooperate enough to go elsewhere in the house to talk about something she didn't want to talk about in the first place. She made things difficult. _She_ was difficult. He just needed some time to get through to her.

And also, figure out what was best for Karen. The Holiday season was coming up, so he definitely wasn't planning on blowing that up for her. He would need more time than that anyway, but he was sure as hell going to be thinking about things through then.

Thinking was all he was doing these days, and it kind of drove him nuts. Especially when he only had about two people he could talk to about it; Abby and David. He hated to bother them with this shit anyway, he felt annoying and like he probably needed a therapist more than anything. But Abby knew he'd been thinking through some things, and she definitely liked to check up on him with this predicament, anyway.

It's exactly what she did, actually, as soon as he was out of the shower and sitting in the basement at the bar.

Anywhere to be far away from Mellie, yes please.

"Have you told her yet?" Abby asked.

Fitz sighed, taking a sip of his whiskey.

"No."

"When the hell are you going to let that Goddess know?" Abby asked.

"I don't know, Abbs. This is...probably just not the best time. I don't even...I don't know how things are going to shake out and she's...going home again soon, and...I don't know. I can barely tell her that she looks nice let alone that I love her. We have...rules."

"You overthink things, I think," Abby said.

"Oh there's no 'I think' about it, I definitely do," Fitz nodded. "It's one of the things I do best. Especially when it comes to...her."

"Why do women make you so damn nervous? You got the looks, you got the smarts, you got that...shy, quiet, cute thing going on, and hey, from what I remember—you're a good kisser. Put it to good use already would you? I'm getting impatient!"

"Oh," he chuckled, shaking his head._ "You're_ getting impatient, I see. How do you think I feel?"

"That's my point! You spend your whole damn professional life implementing risk prevention plans. Well, you know what I think you should do? I think you should _take_ a risk," Abby said.

"You make it sound so easy," he said, downing the rest of his whiskey.

Yeah, he definitely needed more. He was already buzzed and on his way to drunk.

Abby replied to him, as he got up to go pour himself some more.

"No, I'm not trying to say it's easy," Abby said. "I'm also...a little bit tipsy right now, so you know, there's that. Sorry. But...I meant every blunt word. I probably could have done a little better with the delivery of those words but, oh well. I spared you the unnecessary, flowery bullshit."

"Yes, I recall," he laughed. "And you know, women don't make me that nervous."

_"She_ does."

He nodded as he finished pouring his glass of whiskey. "Well...yeah."

"Okay—tell me what you want. Tell it _allll_ to me," Abby said. "I've got the best listening ears, especially when I'm drunk."

He walked around his bar, sitting down in a stool closest to the wall. He leaned his head back against the wall, adjusting his phone to his other ear.

"I want Karen to be happy. I want...I want her to be so happy," he said. "That's above everything else. She just...she doesn't deserve any of this. She deserves the best. Only the best. I just want her to be happy, Abbs."

"Of course," Abby nodded. "And everyone in the world knows it. You're a great dad."

He sighed. "Sometimes I don't know. I try. But with everything...I've done. And maybe even this whole marriage, to begin with. Maybe I've never been the best dad. Maybe what...I've done—what Mellie and I've done. Maybe she's going to end up hating us both for it, even though we've done it for her. I don't know. I try so hard. She's...my _everything._ I just want to do what's best for her. I thought what we've been doing was best for her—if it could work. We thought it could work. Obviously, there have been some hiccups now. So...I'm questioning that, and...I know now. I know now what's...going to end up being best. Things have changed and...even if they hadn't changed, there has always been a better option for everyone. I just didn't see it. I didn't...want to, I didn't know how. I should have...seen it."

Abby sighed, and he could almost feel her smile, or nod over the phone.

"Dude. I stand by it, and so does the rest of the world. You're a great dad. Always have been, always will be. All you ever do is prove that. Don't ever think that you're not. Your heart is so good. It's always in the right place, no matter what. And I think...a product of that is forgetting about yourself sometimes. Or..._all_ the time," she laughed. "You worry about others, and put them before you. Which is honorable, and so admirable. Not everyone has that quality, and you shouldn't ever lose it. But you have to think of yourself too, Fitz. You have a life, too. I know you know that. But I just would really love to see you happy. _Truly_ happy."

He smiled slightly, still leaning his head against the wall. Thinking. "I want to be happy, Abby. I've been thinking about it more and more, I do want to be."

"So what else then? Aside from for Karen, I know. She comes first. But what else do you want, for _you?"_ Abby asked.

He closed his eyes, exhaling as he thought of the amazing person that was the answer to that question. The answer that had taken him too long to have, probably.

"I want her," he said quietly. "I just want her."

Abby sighed happily. "Ahhhh. Yes. This is what I thoroughly enjoy hearing."

He smiled, taking a sip of his drink.

"Are you...sad she's leaving?" Abby asked.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I shouldn't be, because I know it's the right thing to do. it's just...hard. You know?"

"I bet," Abby replied. "She impresses me though, Fitz. Do you know how hard it probably was for her to make that decision? There was so much she had to take into account, I'm sure. In a way, it's pretty easy to stay somewhere you're familiar with and comfortable with, especially when you have a reason to stay. But...you're right, there are a lot of reasons it's not right for her to stay, and I'm sure that made it very conflicting for her. Either way, she knew it would be hard. But...I think she made a very mature decision. One that I'm not confident a lot of people her age would make."

"I know," he nodded. "She's...amazing. I never told her enough. I never..._tell_ her enough. I don't have much more time to tell her these things, I suppose. I don't know."

Abby sighed. "That's hard. I can't even imagine how hard that has to be on both of you. But...I think it's all the more reason to tell her how you feel before she's off...living her life. You don't know what your future's going to hold. But...you don't know what hers is going to hold either, Fitz. She's young, and she's got a lot of plans. She has a life she's going to live, too, just like you do. And if she's not interested in it, then she's not, and you can't change that. But if she's what you want, you need to at least give her that chance to see how you may fit into her life. Otherwise you could lose her for good."

That made him think. Really think. Because he didn't know how Olivia felt. They had rules, like he told Abby. They didn't talk about things like that, because it was best not to.

"I just...I mean, what am I supposed to tell her? 'Hey, by the way, I love you—I see a future with you, except...give me a minute while I try and divorce my wife? Also, just a heads up, she's stubborn and hates being wrong so it may take a while, who knows!' I don't...I just don't know."

"No, you don't know. You don't know how that's all going to go. Not everything can be meticulously written out and planned, even though we both know that would be wonderful. But what you do know is that you have feelings for her, and that you want her. I think this is one of those things you shouldn't overthink. Tell her the truth. Do what...your heart tells you to do. Do what you want to do. And remember that she's in this too. Remember how she's feeling. So if it helps you—don't think of it as a decision solely for you. This is for her too."

He bit his lip, and then downed the rest of his whiskey again.

"You're very insightful."

"Yes. I am," Abby replied happily. "I'm also drunk, please remember that. So...my romantic side is just _really_ coming out right now."

"I'm drunk too," he said. "I appreciate you getting phone drunk with me. And for talking with me. Sorry I'm such a damn...clusterfuck all the time."

"You are not!" she exclaimed. "You're wonderful, and I love you. We love you. Oh, David just walked in. David, baby, come here and tell Fitz you love him. You know. Your bromance stuff. He needs it, we're talking about Olivia."

Fitz was laughing now, smiling as he heard David's voice enter the conversation.

"Hey man!" David greeted.

"Hey buddy," Fitz chuckled.

"I am here to tell you that I do, indeed, have love for you," David said.

"I have love for you as well," Fitz nodded seriously.

"And I do not say this lightly to any man who has made out with my wife," David informed him. "This is serious shit."

Now Fitz was cracking up. He needed a good laugh, and David always knew how to get a good one out of him.

"I very much appreciate this serious shit," Fitz said. "Apologies, also, for making out with your wife."

Abby was laughing in the background.

"Yeah, I know, no worries. I'm somehow lucky enough to call her mine now, so you better go get yours. Do you hear me?" David asked.

"I do hear you, yes," Fitz replied.

"Good. Because I'd like to meet her. Abigail says she's a Goddess," David said.

"Yes," Fitz agreed.

"It's what you deserve, my brother. You deserve to be happy. You're one of the best," David said. "I mean it."

"Thanks, man," Fitz nodded. "Appreciate it."

"Of course," David said.

"Aww, good job, baby. See. We got you, Fitz," Abby said.

"Thank you both," Fitz nodded with a smile. "I'll uh...I'll let you guys be so you can enjoy your Saturday night. Thanks for talking. Seriously, it means a lot."

"Oh no problem!" Abby exclaimed. "Text me this week, okay? Keep us updated on this...'clusterfuck'?"

"Yes, do that," David added.

"Will do," Fitz nodded with a laugh. "Have a great night you two."

"You too, Fitz. Bye bud," David said.

"Bye!" Abby exclaimed.

"Bye."

His smile began to fade as he put his phone down, returning to his quiet basement. Alone.

The distraction and laughs had been fun. Necessary. But he couldn't help but return to his more somber mood. Thinking through everything once again. And now, with even more on his mind.

Maybe he should abandon the somber mood and return to his horny mood. That was way more fun.

But instead, he found himself walking upstairs, drink in hand, definitely drunk.

The main level was empty, so he knew where Mellie would be.

He also knew the alcohol was getting to him, because he didn't even think it through before he entered their bedroom.

Instead, he just opened the door and shut it again, watching her reaction as he looked at her.

She gave him a dirty look, and glanced over the whiskey glass in his hand.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yep," he nodded.

She glared. "You are _not_ finally going to come sleep in our bed again completely blasted."

He chuckled, shaking his head at her as he sat down against the wall opposite their bed.

"Oh, absolutely not, no."

She gave him a huff, and returned to her magazine.

"How long are you going to carry on with your little protest, anyway? How long are you going to risk Karen seeing you sleeping elsewhere?"

"Honestly Mell—that's the least of my worries right now."

She put her magazine down.

"How can you say that? How on earth can that not worry you? You know how she is. She's...gentle, and she worries about things—she's just like you. So how can something like that _not_ worry you?"

"That's...kind of my point, Mell," he said calmly, taking another drink. "You really think she hasn't been worrying at least...a little bit this entire week? And even if she hasn't been—you really think she's not going to worry...in the future? She's ten fucking years old, and she's already smart enough—to know things we didn't think she knew. She's only going to get _smarter._ Are you aware of that?"

"We've already had this conversation," she sighed, turning back to her magazine.

"Sort of," he said. "I just wonder how many times...it's going to take in order for us to be on the same page."

"We are on the same page," Mellie said, as if it were obvious. "We do what's best for our child."

"Yes," he nodded. "So—is this what's best?"

"My God," she said, rolling her eyes. "This is the alcohol talking."

"Oh, it is?" he questioned, looking at his glass of whiskey. "Hmm. I'm interested in how you just...made that decision for me right there."

"I'm interested in how you've turned into a complete asshole lately. What's up with you? I think I actually liked it better when you talked less," she shot back. "Jesus, we have problems, but they never involved you being like this."

"No—just _you_ being like this," he nodded. "I hold my tongue because it isn't worth it with you, and I don't care...what you have to say to me, or about me. I avoid—fighting with you, because it's the adult thing to do."

"Okay, Fitz," she laughed sarcastically.

He sighed and nodded. "Yep, see, this is usually my cue that this conversation is over now. They usually...end in yelling or sarcasm, so considering our daughter's sleeping down the hall—I'll leave before it progresses to yelling."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head at him.

"Whatever."

So he left again without another word.

Each conversation they had that was even remotely like that one, was progress. Slow, maybe. But still progress, considering they'd never had conversations like that in practically ten years. She wasn't having _any_ of it, so he was going to need some time to get there.

He wasn't going to drop any bombs right now, it just didn't feel like the best time to do it. But he knew he was going to tell Mellie the truth at some point. The closest to the truth that he could—about his feelings for someone else.

He knew she'd be blindsided by it, but also wasn't quite sure how she would react. Perhaps he could keep Olivia out of it initially, he didn't know that yet. If and when he told Mellie, he would definitely need to discuss that with Olivia as well—another thing that was just very poorly timed currently.

He was doing his best here, not to blow up anyone's finals time and holiday season, but man, he was starting to really want to get out of this house.

That wasn't an option right now though, so he went back into the basement instead, to sit in his office. The office he preferred over his main-level one.

And his thoughts turned to her.

The young woman who was currently on a break in North Dakota.

* * *

Swish.

That's all Olivia heard as she stood there behind the three-point line at her local community center gym.

It had been her place to escape to after work every night this past week. A place she could go when she wasn't with Shawn or her mom. A place where she could just think by herself.

_And_ shoot around for a bit in the gym. It was nice to get back on the court.

Those basketball shorts. The cut-off tank top she had on. The Nike socks and high top basketball shoes on her feet. The feeling of the ball rolling perfectly off of her fingertips. She'd missed all of that.

And man, she still had it. Once a shooting guard, always a shooting guard.

The ball bounced its way back, and she met it in the middle, picking it up and going in for a reverse layup like it was nothing.

She was sweating after about an hour of shooting and running around. And on top of that, a long shift at work.

She'd been working as often as possible while she'd been home. Her mom could always use the help, and she'd kind of missed the atmosphere and the people that came into the restaurant. Plus, that large paycheck would be _nice._

Unfortunately, though, her time was running low on open gym hours. It was getting late, and she knew her mom would be around to pick her up soon after she closed up at the restaurant.

So she decided to call it quits for the night. Her last night at home. She did however, always have to make her last shot before leaving the court. Always a rule—can't leave off on a missed shot.

After nailing a couple more threes, she headed toward the bench where her stuff was to change out of her shoes, and put on some sweats and a jacket over her gym attire.

When her mom came to pick her up shortly after, she realized she was sad to be leaving the little routine that she'd developed, even just in the past week.

But she missed New York desperately, too. She missed little K, and she missed her friends at school. And she missed him.

Probably more than she should ever admit to him.

Thankfully, she'd get to go back. But before that, she had one more night with her mom and her best friend, who was spending the night.

"Is Shawna still coming over, baby?" Marie asked.

"Mhm," Olivia nodded.

"You sad to be leaving her again?"

"Of course," Olivia replied. "I always am. But we talk a lot when I'm gone anyway over FaceTime, so that's good at least. I'll miss you too ma!"

"Damn right you will," Marie replied, eyeing her daughter.

Olivia laughed, smiling back at her.

"I'm gonna miss you too, Livvie. It's been so good to have you home."

"It's been so good to _be_ home!" Olivia said.

"Are you excited for your last weeks with the Grants?" her mom asked.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "It's been...really great with them. I'm definitely going to get them a thank you...slash Christmas gift before I leave."

"I think that's a wonderful idea. So thoughtful, baby," Marie nodded.

Olivia gave her mom a smile on the outside, but on the inside, she was feeling little more sad than "excited."

Excited to see people she missed in New York, yes. But otherwise, it felt like an end of an era.

No more commutes with him. No more listening to Karen's piano every night. No more of his amazing food every day. No more of his music. No more snuggles from the best little beagle named Hank. No more of any of it.

No matter what, that would be tough.

She couldn't show that in front of her mom, though. She had to hide it all, something she'd been forced to become extremely good at.

Fortunately for her, she didn't have to hide it in front of her best friend. Not anymore.

She could be completely open and true with Shawn, which she was especially thankful for that night—the night before she was leaving to go back. Naturally, it was taking over her mind, even though she and Shawn were currently trying to watch Scary Movie 1.

"Liv," Shawn said, snapping her fingers.

Olivia looked over at her, realizing now that she may not have heard her the first time.

"Huh?"

"Girl, don't let me be eating all your mama's popcorn by myself!" Shawn exclaimed, moving the bowl over to her.

"Sorry," Olivia laughed, reaching for some. "My mom does make some damn good popcorn, doesn't she."

"Hell yes, she does. Mmmhm," Shawn nodded. "Even after a long day at work, she's always ready to make you some of her stove-popped popcorn."

"I know. She's an angel," Olivia smiled.

"She is. Mama Pope. The only person alive aside from my own mama allowed to call me Shawna. You know, that's a big deal."

"Oh, I know it is, Shawna," Olivia nodded casually, putting a piece of popcorn in her mouth.

Shawn got quiet, studying Olivia. "That's it, now I really am keepin' all your mama's popcorn for myself."

She pulled the bowl away from Olivia and they both laughed as Olivia reached instantly for the bowl.

"Ah! No, okay. I'm sorry. My dearest Shawn, please forgive me for adding the most...awful 'a' to the end of your name."

"The most _hideous,"_ Shawn emphasized, pointing at her as she settled down next to Olivia again. "Alright, fine. I got a big heart I suppose. Yes I do."

"You're the best," Olivia said, giving her a brief side hug as they laid on Olivia's bed.

"I know," Shawn nodded. "You're the best too, though."

"I know," Olivia nodded with a smile.

Shawn rolled her eyes and laughed. "I'ma miss you here Liv."

"I'll miss you too. My girl!" Olivia said.

"My girl. Look—Mr. shy man may want to call you his girl but you always gonna be mine first!"

Olivia sighed, shaking her head. "Mr. shy man can't really...call me his girl anyway. He's got one already."

"Who? That lady who don't even pay no attention to him? Nah, she's just his baby mama, that's all."

_"Shawn,"_ Olivia laughed, laying her head on her pillow.

"What? I spoke the truth," Shawn said. "I always speak the truth when it comes to Mr. shy man. You know it!"

"That is true. The first day you saw a picture of him you were...quite truthful."

"Ohhh yes, Jesus. Pull that pic out again, please."

"No," Olivia laughed.

Shawn raised her eyebrows. "Oh girl, don't even be acting like you don't want to see it again. You do. I got it on my own phone in our messages anyway, let me pull it up."

Olivia could feel the warmth in her cheeks as she eyed her best friend. "Can your sassy self chill for a minute?"

"Nah," Shawn shook her head, scrolling through her phone. "Just a minute, I've gotta get past all these stupid ass memes we send each other. Oh! Here it is. Such a beauty."

Naturally, Olivia leaned over and looked at the photo, because how could she not.

Oh God, he was sexy.

"Ah yes. My eyes are cleansed. Don't tell Marcus."

"I _won't,"_ Olivia laughed.

"Good. But you know, I wish she wasn't in it," Shawn said, pointing to Mellie. "I think you and him should have one together, or you, him and little K. That's what I wanna see, mhm."

"Well, I don't have one of us three, but I've got another one of just him and me."

Shawn gasped. "What? And you've never shown me?! Let me see!"

Olivia pulled out her phone and scrolled up through her photos to find the selfie they took on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. She loved that picture, and had to admit, she looked at it a lot. It was the only thing she had left. She forced herself to delete all their messages, but couldn't bring herself to get rid of that picture. Their date in the city. It was too special to her, just like her necklace—the one she wore every day.

Shawn had loved that too.

Olivia turned her phone so Shawn could see it too, and Shawn put her hand up to her chest.

"Oh, Jesus. Y'all are so beautiful together Liv, this ain't fair."

Olivia sighed, looking over Fitz's smiling face. "Not really, no."

"Do you miss him?"

Olivia studied the photo and nodded silently.

Shawn sighed, leaning her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I'ma tell you again, though. It's gonna work itself out. It's gonna be alright."

Olivia nodded again, looking over at her.

"Yeah. It's gonna be alright."

* * *

Olivia: Got my bag. Headed to pick-up.

Fitz: Okay. K and I are outside of door 10. Look for my car.

Olivia: Okay. Be there in a few.

Olivia's heart rate picked up as she grew closer to seeing her favorite New Yorkers again. She was happy Karen had come along to pick her up.

And it didn't take her long to spot them. Not only because a jag wasn't hard to miss, but because she saw the back door open, and out came a cute little girl, all dressed up in her winter attire.

Olivia gasped, bending down and opening her arms for Karen.

"Liv!" Karen exclaimed, running into her arms happily.

"Well hello there!" Olivia exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her and lifting her up slightly. "I missed you so much K!"

"Missed you too!" she said, patting Olivia's back.

Olivia's smile couldn't be contained. Oh, how she loved that sweet girl.

"How are you?" Olivia asked, setting her down.

"I'm good. Hank misses you lots too. How was your house?" she asked.

"You know, it was really good. But I missed it here so much. Was your Thanksgiving good?"

"Yes! Thanksgiving at grandma Jean's is always the best. Right, dad?"

Fitz came around the other side of the car, smiling at her.

"Right."

Olivia smiled at him, giving him a nod.

"Hi."

"Hi," he said back, giving her a wave.

She immediately waved back with a smile.

"Here," he said, offering to take her suitcase for her.

"Oh, thank you," she nodded.

He took it for her to load into his trunk, but they didn't waste any time when they all got back in the car before they started chatting.

The commute back to Rye was full of talk of their Thanksgiving Holiday and their breaks. It was nice.

Olivia could tell in the time she'd been back with them, she'd already been happier.

It was probably never going to be quite the same between her and Fitz, but it was nice to know things were increasingly getting more pleasant between them again. Especially in front of Karen, because she didn't want Karen to think anything was wrong.

Olivia even had a nice conversation with Mellie when she returned, which was much more brief, but very kind, nonetheless.

She did have some unpacking and homework to do that Sunday, but she made sure to come _upstairs_ to finish her homework after she unpacked.

That way, she could be with Karen for a little while, and watch Fitz cook dinner that night, which was _wonderful._ Pork chops and this greek corn salad, which Olivia could have sworn was from heaven.

She'd had a pretty good week at home, eating wonderful restaurant meals and her mom's home-cooked food, but was still excited when she got to eat his food again.

The night began to wind down fairly quickly, quicker than she would have liked it to. But she found comfort in the fact that she had two more weeks in this house. She would still cherish those weeks, even though she knew she needed to go, and was excited to live in the city.

As she got settled in the basement again, she heard the basement door open from her bedroom. She was planning on heading to bed a little early, but as soon as she was done changing into some comfy clothes for bed, she opened her door to investigate first.

She could see him in his office in the basement, grabbing some things. His better office, in her opinion. Not that he needed two different offices in the first place, but there were a lot of things they didn't need in this mansion of a house.

As soon as she opened her bedroom door, he looked up at her from behind his desk.

"Oh hey."

"Hey."

He walked over to her, glancing over her as discreetly as he could. God, she was beautiful. Seeing her in front of him again, while it wouldn't be for much longer, was a sight for sore eyes.

"I just had to grab some of my things down here. I have a big week this week, so I think I need to work for a bit longer," he said with a sigh.

"Oh, I definitely can relate. Big weeks coming up for me, too."

"Yeah. December is usually one of those times," he agreed. "I'll get out of your hair though, I'm almost done, I think."

"Oh, Fitz, don't worry about it. It's your basement. Plus, I know you like your office down here better."

He shrugged, biting his lip as he looked around. It grew silent again as their eyes met. But he spoke up again before he could help it.

"You know, I uh...I guess I never got to properly greet you today," he said, reaching out his fist to her.

She smiled at him and laughed quietly, reaching out to bump his fist back.

"It's so good to see you here again," he said.

"You too," she smiled. "I...missed it here. Even after a just week, I really did."

He felt his heart do some weird jump in his chest. His body did weird things in her presence.

He was sure his cheeks were obnoxiously pink because they sure felt warm as soon as she said it.

And then it came out, without a second thought.

"We missed having you here. _I_ missed it. I missed...you," he said quietly, looking at her. "I missed you."

She exhaled, looking down at the carpet. "I missed you too."

He studied her body language, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say. Or do what he wanted to do.

Oh God, he just had missed her so much. Maybe he could have stopped himself from doing what he did next, but he didn't want to stop himself.

He stepped closer and went in for it right away, moving his arms around her body. And to his surprise, she immediately wrapped her arms around his neck.

He feared she'd actually begin to think about the hug more carefully and pull away, so he held on to her tighter. He buried his head in her shoulder and smiled at her wonderful scent. That perfume. That lotion. Whatever it was—to this day, he wasn't even sure. She just smelled wonderful.

_"Oh_—I missed you," he whispered.

She breathed comfortably into his chest, tightening her arms around his neck. Wanting to tell him that she thought about him every day. That the break had been good for her, but certainly hadn't made her miss him any less.

He squeezed her tight, and rested his chin on the top of her head. She was so small compared to him, she was the perfect height for it.

He pressed a light kiss to the top of her head, knowing he was overstepping the hell out of their boundaries.

She rubbed his back and cleared her throat, before they finally stepped away from each other's embrace.

He could tell she was trying to hold strong, and stick to their "normal" relationship. They had probably broken at least one of their "rules" just now. But he'd missed her, and clearly, she had missed him too. One hug was okay.

"I'll...let you get back to work. I think I'm going to head to bed. Want to be rested for the next couple weeks, you know."

"Right, right," he nodded, putting his hands in the pockets of his joggers. "Your last weeks here."

"Yeah," she sighed.

He nodded back solemnly. "Alright. Well, um...I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow," she said, giving him a smile.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Fitz."

As soon as she shut her door, he returned back to his office to grab some of his papers he'd come down to grab.

He did grab them, but then he thought about going upstairs and cringed because Mellie was currently upstairs in the sunroom.

He could just...stay down here closer to Olivia, and farther from Mellie...

So that's what he did.

He booted up his desktop and got some work done. Olivia was right, he did prefer that office. It was the office he always tended to work in before Olivia had come here. He just didn't use it as frequently so he could kind of give her her own domain in the basement. But she said she didn't mind, so he figured it didn't hurt anything.

He even poured himself a drink. The last night he'd let himself drink—only on the weekends, usually.

He got a lot done, which was good. Because after a while, he began to lose his focus. His thoughts kept turning to Olivia, who was finally back on the other end of the basement. Finally back in New York. Thank God.

So with his thoughts on her, it didn't take long for a particular book to catch his mind as he slowly scanned his bookshelf.

"Jane Eyre."

It immediately made him crack a smile.

And then he couldn't resist going to look through it. It was a classic, he remembered the book well.

And he remembered that it was one she still hadn't finished—which was a part of their deal. His books were all hers to read whenever she wanted, _if_ she finished "Jane Eyre" at some point.

How she hadn't finished it, he didn't know. But ever since he'd told her about what his mother says; "when you stop short of something, you could miss something incredible."

_When you stop short of something, you could miss something incredible._

He sighed, as he flipped through the pages. That sounded like something he was thinking about regarding Olivia right now.

Sounded along the lines of what his best friend had said about making himself happy.

He'd been happy even in the small frame of time that he'd been with Olivia. Despite his anxiety, which he experienced every day of his life, to begin with. Despite his guilt—he knew he had been happy.

It felt like he was back to the conflict he used to feel when he was involved with her.

He wanted to be happy. But he wanted Karen to be happy before anyone else.

He also wanted Olivia to be happy, though, and he hoped that could mean...with him?

But he didn't want to wait too long, because she had her own life too, and he didn't know how fast it would take her to move on. He just also didn't know how long this was all going to take. How long it would take for him to be successful in divorcing his wife of ten years.

A lot of buts, and a lot of uncertainties, that was for sure. Things felt so impossible right now. But there was one thing he _did_ know in that moment.

He just felt like he couldn't tell her what it was—what he'd wanted to tell her for a long time. Like he'd told Abby, it was kind of their rule, they didn't say things aloud. But at the same time, it was something he wanted her to know. It was something he needed her to know before she was officially gone from Rye, living her life in the city.

So as he flipped through that book, seeing all of the notes he'd written here and there as part of a past English class, he stopped on the last page of the book. The page she obviously hadn't read yet.

And he got creative, and wrote it down.

It was a simple phrase, but it was powerful, and the truth. He was thinking about the fact that he didn't quite know what would happen, only that he knew what he wanted. He knew a lot more than he'd known back in August, that was for sure. He was thinking of something Abby said, about telling her how he felt. And another thing:

_Take a risk._

He wasn't sure when she'd even read it. He wasn't sure she'd even read it soon—he knew finals were coming up, and she'd be busy. He just knew he wanted her to read it. It would definitely be the last book he would ever be able to slide under her door, because he wasn't sure she was even finished with "Bleak House" yet.

But this was "Jane Eyre." Even looking at the words he'd just written, with the pen shaking slightly in his hand—had him feeling anxious, as usual.

This was a decision only for him. This wasn't a decision for Karen. Maybe it would be in the long run—he couldn't know that. But right now, to write it out and give it to Olivia, was all for him.

It felt odd. But maybe Abby was right. Maybe this should have been a priority, too. Of course, it would come with consequences, he knew that. There was a lot he had yet to get through. But this felt like step one, at least for himself.

And it centered around the book "Jane Eyre."

He closed the book and wrote on a sticky note to place on top of the book.

As he made his way over to her bedroom, his heart pounded. But he actually grew...content.

It almost felt freeing, and she hadn't even read it yet.

Before he slid it underneath her door, he read over the note one more time. The note she'd read in the morning.

It read;

**Liv,**

**I thought this would be a fitting book to give you for these last weeks that you're here. Don't worry if you don't finish it for a while. You can keep it.**

**Whatever you do, just make sure you read till the end this time. It's important.**

**-Smiley**

* * *

**More steps!**

**Things are progressing, things are being realized. I told y'all, just a bit more patience. It's coming.**

**So soon...**

**Fitz just has a pretty difficult situation on his hands. He's dealing with the fact that he can't leave on a whim—this has been a ten-year marriage and it's been for a reason, clearly. A reason very dear to his heart. But as you all have read, their reasoning has begun to show its flaws now.**

**And in addition, he's realizing now what he's been missing, and it's strong. That realization was important for him to have, especially the fact that he wants to be happy too. Trying to balance those things is now proving how conflicting things are for him, yet again. The road's got some bumps ahead.**

**Some may like where I take this story, some may not. There is no situation where everyone is going to be pleased, so please take that into consideration. If you don't like it, don't read it, and everyone will be happier overall!**

**Think before you review.**

**Thanks for the support many have shown me. It means the world to me, I can't even explain.**

**Stay tuned, stay safe, and read on.**

**~T**


	14. Finishing Jane Eyre Pt 1

"Have lots of fun at your girl's weekend, okay?" Olivia asked.

"Okay," Karen nodded with a smile. "I wish you could have come this time. Our Christmas one is the best."

"I bet it is!" Olivia exclaimed. "I wish I could have too. Unfortunately, I just leave to go home right in the middle of the weekend!"

"Yeah," Karen nodded sadly. "At least you got your Christmas present early," she said, with the biggest smile.

Olivia gasped. "Yes, I did. And I love them! I will always think of all of you when I listen to music with them."

"Good," Karen giggled. "And...we got ours early too!"

"You sure did! I hope you love yours," Olivia smiled, rubbing her soft little hand.

"I do!" Karen nodded. "I'm already figuring out how to program my robot. And my mom and dad say I can open my microscope kit after girl's weekend when we have more time to go through all the pieces and put it together."

"Perfect! I'm so glad you love it. You'll have to send me pictures, okay? I want to know all the crazy weird stuff you're looking at through there," Olivia laughed.

"I will," Karen replied. "I can't wait!"

"Good," Olivia smiled. "I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you," Karen said sadly, sitting up immediately. She wrapped her arms tightly around Olivia as they sat in her bed. "I wish you didn't have to go forever."

"It's not goodbye forever, K," Olivia assured her. "I just _know _we'll see each other. And remember, text, phone call, and FaceTime. We've got lots of options!"

"I know," Karen nodded into her shoulder. "Maybe when you have your own house in New York...I could come over?"

"You've got yourself a deal," Olivia smiled. "And you know, maybe you can even come to my dorm at UNIS, or NYU if I'm accepted there."

Karen gasped. _"Deal!"_

"Alright," Olivia laughed, pulling back from their embrace. "I love you, K."

"I love you," Karen smiled back.

Those pretty blue eyes, the exact same eyes as her dad's. Olivia would miss them. But she'd see them again.

"Now it's not goodbye...it's just _goodnight,"_ Olivia said with a smile.

Karen nodded. "Goodnight, Liv."

"Goodnight."

Olivia got up from the bed and closed her door gently, feeling immediately sad as soon as she left.

She knew it wouldn't be goodbye forever, she hadn't been lying. She knew she'd find a way to see Karen again in the future. She couldn't bear not to, she'd grown so close to her—so protective of her.

But it was also sad to be leaving her.

It was Thursday evening, and she was leaving for Christmas break on Saturday. She had to say goodbye early, however, because Karen and Mellie were going on their annual girl's weekend trip before Christmas. The one where they did last-minute Christmas shopping together, decorated Christmas cookies, and watched Christmas movies, according to Karen.

Sounded like a fun time to Olivia! But unfortunately, as she'd told Karen, she had a flight to catch on Saturday, so she'd have to have her own girl's weekend with her mother and Shawn, or something.

She'd be able to say goodbye to Mellie tomorrow morning, before they all left for the day, since Mellie and Karen were leaving immediately after Karen's school ended tomorrow.

Olivia wouldn't have been able to say goodbye tomorrow afternoon anyway, because she was going to be at a Broadway show with her friends at school, celebrating the end of their semester and the end of their finals. And for some of her friends in her friend group who wouldn't be returning for their final semester, it was also a goodbye.

They were all going straight from school to get ready at her friend Nia's dormitory, going out to a nice dinner, and then seeing "Wicked." Olivia almost knew that entire soundtrack by heart, but hadn't seen it on Broadway. She had _never_ seen a broadway show, at least not a real one in New York City. She'd seen "off-Broadway" shows back home, but something told her those wouldn't compare to tomorrow night. She couldn't wait.

For now, she had one more evening before her last day of fall semester at UNIS, and two more evenings total before she left. She was kind of thankful Fitz was in his main level office currently, because she was able to sneak back downstairs to the basement without him seeing her almost cry about having to say goodbye to his daughter.

She only had one more final tomorrow, and it was one she couldn't exactly prepare for. A final essay, in which the prompt would be given to her in class, and she'd have 50 minutes to completely and thoroughly answer the question. They'd practiced multiple times throughout the semester, so she knew how it went. She at least got to use the book they'd just finished as a reference—"Much Ado About Nothing."

Throughout the week, she'd had four other finals so far, all of which had required a lot of studying and had caused a lot of nerves. However, she'd gotten the grade back on one of them so far, and she was extremely pleased with it. The rest she'd have to wait on yet, along with this final Literature essay.

And another important piece of news that should be coming any day now.

Over email, and through

Mail back home, too. The news of whether or not she'd been accepted to NYU.

It was December 19, and she was told it would be in December when she heard back—likely even before her winter break. So, she continued to wait patiently on that.

Tonight, though—she hadn't had many plans. She'd hung around with Karen because it was the last chance she was able to do so, and now she realized she could actually go and read for a while if she wanted. It was only 8:15, she had some of her evening left.

Fitz was working currently, so she didn't want to bother him.

Lately, she'd been _really_ invested in "Jane Eyre," wondering how on earth she hadn't finished it the first time she attempted to read it. Once she got to about the hundredth page this time—she was _hooked_.

And now she was just inclined to finish it, because she was getting so close, and then she wouldn't have to basically steal Fitz's book.

Any free time she'd had in the past weeks when she wasn't studying, she'd dedicated to reading it. It wasn't a super long book—she'd read way longer ones, and she was a fast reader, to begin with.

She was also just inclined to finish it so she could tell Fitz that she had. It had been their deal after all, and she was going to keep up her end of it. He'd certainly kept up his end—making sure she was well fed with books all semester long.

And she was pretty sure that so far, "Jane Eyre" was her favorite of all of them.

So she made use of the wonderful and amazing Christmas gift the Grants had gotten her—the new AirPods, to listen to a study playlist while she read. The Grants must have seen her use her standard Apple ones that came with every iPhone. She knew Fitz, for sure, had seen her using her old headphones all the time, whether she was FaceTiming Shawn or listening to music. They hadn't been the greatest—they were old. But she made do with them before.

She was so grateful and amazed that they'd gone all out for her Christmas and going away present. They were pretty great—she loved them already. Fitz had a pair and so did Karen, so she'd tried them out before. But _damn_, they were nice.

They'd all exchanged presents last night so that they could be all together when they did. Olivia had gotten Karen a microscope kit and the STEM robot kit, both of which she'd immediately loved.

She'd gotten Mellie a little box with two fancy bath bombs, both a bar and a liquid soap that smelled fantastic, a candle, and a gift card to her favorite spa in Rye. She was a big spa girl, so that gift had gone over amazingly.

As for Fitz, she'd gotten him the entire "A Song of Ice and Fire" series—the series which "Game of Thrones" was based off of. It was the all-leather set, and very pretty, actually. The set itself definitely could be displayed.

He'd loved it, and that made her happy.

They didn't act very..._friendly_...in front of Mellie. But she'd still been able to see his eyes light up and the adoring smile he'd given her when he saw which book series it was in that box.

He was so cute.

She found herself smiling at his little handwritten notes jotted down throughout the book. They were in almost every single book he'd lent her—she figured it had been required for his English classes, just like it was for hers.

Not only was it a great study tool, but Olivia loved the look of a marked-up book. Even if she wasn't required to—she would. She had an obsession with rearranging sentences how she thought they should go, or replacing words with other words she thought would fit better. Even with all of the classic books, she still found herself doing it.

Hence her strong desire to become a book editor.

His little notes weren't quite as obnoxious as hers were. But they were always meaningful, and usually she found herself nodding along with what he had written. If she could _read_ them, that is. His handwriting wasn't the greatest, but that only made her smile more.

As she neared the end, she was so excited to see how it ended up for the main character—Jane. It hadn't always been the happiest of books, there'd been some sad points, and ones that had downright pissed her off or annoyed her.

Jane had gone through so many different experiences, both good and bad, and toward the end of the book, it was finally working out for her.

Even after finding out earlier on that the man Jane loved so desperately was already married—she and him eventually found a way.

They'd built their relationship back up after all of the sadness, and the hardships they'd gone through. They'd found their way back from an impossible situation.

If Olivia was a crier, she definitely would have been crying by the time she neared the end, when she read that Jane and the man she loved got married, and had a child together.

Thank _goodness_.

Not everything that had happened in the book, not all of its themes and plot lines, had been Olivia's favorite. But that was an ending she'd been hoping for, at least.

If only every impossible, heartbreaking, sad story could turn around and end like that one.

As she scanned each word on the last page, proud of herself and very happy that she had finished, she realized she had more to read than just Charlotte Brontë's words.

There was more at the bottom of the last page, after the actual book had officially ended.

But it wasn't typed.

It was hand-written. In sloppy handwriting.

And judging from the looks of it—it was _not_ something written for a class. It was _not_ something written as a study tool, to remember certain thoughts about the book, or all of its themes' and analyses.

It was written for her.

She read it over and over again, wondering if she was reading it correctly.

And while the tears never came for even the happy ending of a classic novel, they began to fill her eyes now.

She understood now, why Fitz had written the note he'd written and attached to the book. Not only because he'd wanted her to actually finish the book, and fulfill her end of their little deal.

He'd wanted her to finish it for this very reason. To tell her through his own written word, what was inscribed on the bottom of that classic novel's last page.

**I'm in love with you.**

She exhaled shakily, running her finger over the phrase. The first half of the message was smudged slightly, from what she assumed had been his hand.

She envisioned his sweaty handwriting it, and she smiled through her now slightly blurred vision.

All she could do was stare at it. Stare, and wonder if this was some sort of dream, or what.

She'd quite _literally_ had dreams about Fitz feeling what she felt for him. About them being together again, even though it felt impossible. It was on her mind _all_ the time—practically the only thing she thought about aside from school.

Was this him telling her it _was_ possible?

What he'd written was exactly what she deeply wished to tell him. But he had _major_ things to figure out and they had agreed on their rules. This certainly skirted those rules. Very sneakily.

She would have never told him, because of all of their impossibilities.

But now he was giving her an opening.

She wiped her eyes, feeling her heart absolutely race in her chest**.**

"Oh...my God," she whispered, looking around her room. "Oh my God."

She put the book on her nightstand and left her room, before quickly making her way up the stairs.

The tears flowed down her face, although she wiped them away immediately.

Seriously? _Stop._

But she couldn't. Not after what she just read.

She knew Mellie was still gone. She hadn't heard the garage door open yet. And Karen was asleep.

So she wasn't waiting until morning—she absolutely could not.

She reached the top of the stairs and immediately saw him in the living room, watching TV.

He was alone, as she knew he would be. The lamps were dimmed low, but the light from the TV filled the room.

He turned at the sound of her coming up the stairs, meeting her eyes immediately.

She could tell based on the look on his face that he initially thought something was wrong. She had damp eyes, so she figured that's what he assumed immediately.

Her lip began to quiver as she looked at him, almost in awe.

He was fully turned toward her now, one arm on the back of the chair and one on his thigh, looking both concerned and confused. Until she spoke up.

"I finished Jane Eyre."

Fitz's eyes widened, and he felt his heart just about leap out of his chest.

_What did she just say?_

He sat there, completely astonished that she'd already finished it.

He supposed for someone who liked reading and read every single day, it wasn't that long of a book. But still—he'd kind of expected her to finish it after she left New York for winter break, especially because it was finals time.

Perhaps he's failed to take into account the fact that any time she had free time—she was probably reading or sleeping.

Truly, he hadn't really "prepared" for anything. All he'd done was write down the truth. His truth. He didn't know how she'd react. He'd thought about it immensely, but he'd told himself it didn't matter how she reacted, because that had nothing to do with whether or not he was leaving. If she didn't feel the same way, she didn't feel the same way. But no matter what, he was getting out of this house.

He'd just hoped...she'd react positively to it. He certainly knew what he _hoped_ she'd say.

And now she'd read it. She _knew_ now.

He sat there, looking at her in awe, and slowly began to stand up.

He was nervous, but he pushed it away. He pushed it all away, and made his way toward the basement door and to her.

Without a word, he grabbed her hand and she immediately followed him down the stairs.

She studied him as they made their way to the basement.

He was utterly silent, but held her hand with a strong grip.

She squeezed it back in return, and let him lead the way. Away from where his daughter could hear. Away from everything else, to be as alone as they could be in this damn house.

She closed the door gently behind him as they entered the basement living area together.

They didn't go anywhere else from there. They stayed by the door, and he turned around to look at her.

And they stared. They just stared, still holding onto each other's hand firmly.

"So...how did you like the book?" he whispered, breaking the silence.

She looked at him as if to say "are you kidding me?" but her lips slowly spread into a smile, and she let out a sigh.

Her smile made _him_ smile, as he looked over her pretty face.

"I didn't expect you to finish it this quickly," he admitted quietly.

"It was...a good book," she replied with a sniffle.

He nodded, swallowing nervously.

"Can I talk?" he asked. "I mean, can I say what I really _want_ to say?"

He was hoping to disregard their normal rules about what they said aloud to each other. Which, usually meant not telling the truth, at least not when it came to this.

She closed her eyes and nodded in response.

So he talked. He didn't have any sort of speech planned. But he did have an idea of what he wanted to say to her. And probably what he should have said way before now.

"My mother always told me...when you stop short of something...you could miss something incredible," he told her.

She nodded back. "I remember. It's why...I'll always finish every book I start now."

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah."

She looked down at their hands locked together, and he looked too, readjusting his grip.

"I um...I did that with you. I stopped short with you, because I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to think about...what being with you would mean. _Clearly_, I couldn't handle it. I just knew...there was something there. I knew we _had_ something," he said. "But I stopped short. _We_ stopped short, because it was too much. It was too much, and we were thinking of other people."

She nodded slowly in response.

"But...I want to think of me, too. And I want to think of _you_. I want...you. I..." he sighed, looking around nervously.

"I love you," he said. "What I wrote in that book feels like an understatement. I am so in love with you—more than I even thought was possible. I don't even know how else to put it into words, I just know that...I belong to you. I'm yours, even if...you don't want to be mine."

She could feel her eyes welling up all over again, as she met his eyes.

"I want what we had, Olivia. I don't want to miss our...'incredible.' I don't want to stop short this time. I...I've got some things to take care of, clearly. And I will. I'm…I'm done feeling guilty for being in love with someone else. I'm fucking done, because this is how...I'm _supposed_ to feel. I haven't been doing things right for…for ten years, even though I was _so_ sure that I was," he said, shaking his head. "And...if you don't feel the same, that's okay. I...understand. I have to get out of this house either way, I just...needed you to know before you were...long gone. Even if…you don't want me, I just needed you to know that…I'm _so_ sorry for everything I've put you through, and…I love you, Olivia. I love you."

The tears streamed down her cheeks now, as she looked up at him.

She was trying to process everything he said, which would _not_ be possible right now. She was trying, but there were so many different things going through her head. Wondering whether or not he was serious about all of this.

All she ever dreamed about was that he'd leave Mellie to be with her. She felt like the devil for wanting something like that. For wanting to break up a married couple. Regardless of how awful their marriage was, she knew that was horrid of her.

But she did want it. Despite everything, she had wanted him from day one. That had never once changed. She hadn't ever been able to shake it—her feelings, or what she wanted.

So in a bundle of overwhelmed shocked, happiness, she collapsed her head on his chest and started to cry, because she couldn't string sentences together right now. She just couldn't. It was too much. She was sure she had never felt this emotional in her life. And not only that, she was so completely baffled that he'd just said all of that. Nobody had ever said things like that to her before. It hadn't even hit her yet—everything he'd said, but it was amazing. Every bit of it.

He immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her tightly, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

He didn't say anything. He just comforted her, probably having no idea whether or not her tears were good, or bad, or if she was just completely overwhelmed. She was.

He didn't say anything until_ she_ said something. The only thing she could muster up at the moment, because she hadn't been sure she'd ever get to tell him, and she sure as hell wasn't going to keep it in after all of that.

"I love you too," she whispered through her tears. "I'm in love with you...too."

Fitz's breath hitched in his throat as he heard what she'd just said. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms tighter around her. _Holy shit_.

"Oh...my God," he whispered. "I love you. I love you, Olivia."

"I love you," she cried back.

He exhaled deeply, hoping to God that this was all real, and not some sort of amazing dream.

But he could _feel _her shaking slightly in his arms. He could _feel _her tears against his shirt. He could feel it in his _own _heart when she told him she loved him back.

This was real.

It was something _neither_ of them had ever experienced—being in love, or being loved back.

He pulled back, beginning to wipe the few tears from her beautiful face.

"I'm going to leave, Olivia," he whispered.

She looked up at him and sniffled, allowing him to wipe her tears away.

"I'm done. I'm done with this…joke of a marriage. I don't know…how difficult it's going to be. I don't know how long it's going to take me. We've been married…a long time, and I don't expect that to be undone in a matter of weeks, or anything. And…there's a lot I have to take into account. With Karen, especially. She's...she's all I care about with that. There's just a lot that will...go into it, I think. But…I've already been having conversations with Mellie. They haven't been much, but they've been progress."

She looked completely surprised at that, which he could have predicted. She didn't know a single thing about the conversation he had with Karen, or the ones he'd had with Mellie, or the fact that he slept on the couch every night. She didn't know, because they'd had their rules.

He had a lot to catch her up on. He looked at his watch, and knew Mellie would be home soon. He wasn't going to be able to get to everything, but he'd certainly try and get a start.

"I'm sorry, Olivia," he said again, tightening his grip around her. "It took me…far too long to realize things. You…were a big part of my realization, and…I'm sorry about that. You shouldn't have had to go through any of this for me to figure my own shit out. You shouldn't have had to...to get _hurt_ in the process. And I understand if you don't want to be a part of this. I come with…a lot of baggage. I know that's not exactly…something someone your age should have to deal with. You deserve so much better than this."

"Stop, Fitz," she sniffled.

"No. I haven't been able to tell you what's been on my mind in forever, I just want…I want you to hear everything."

"I do hear you," she nodded, looking up at him. "I hear you. And I appreciate your apology, and your concern for me. But like I've always told you, I have never blamed you for anything. I have _always _been in this just as much as you, regardless of anything else. I was in it when we were together, and I was in it when we decided it was best that we stopped. I've…_always_ been in this with you," she sniffled.

His face softened as he studied her damp eyes. But her face showed certainty.

He nodded back, giving her a very certain look of his own.

"I'm going to tell Mellie, Liv. When the time is right, I'm going to tell her. If you're…comfortable with it. If…you want to be with me," he said. "But either way...I know I have to leave."

She let out an unsteady breath and nodded, knowing that if she wanted this, he was right. Mellie was going to have to know—that couldn't be avoided forever if they were actually going to be together.

And Olivia could face that. She could face those consequences. She had to. She had known what she was getting herself into, to start with.

She nodded. "I want to be with you. I've always wanted to. But…I'm leaving, Fitz. I'm leaving in two days, and then…when I come back, I'll be in the city. How will….how are we going to…"

"I know," he nodded in response. "I know. I don't...I'm not sure what our future is going to look like. I just know...I want one. I _see_ one...with you."

She sighed, leaning her head back against his chest.

"I see one too. I have always seen one, it's never changed for me," she whispered.

He held her body tightly, cherishing the words she spoke to him. He was sure of it now, he didn't deserve her. But here she was, confirming everything he could have possibly hoped she'd say.

"I know I have a lot to go over. I...have so much more to explain to you, and tell you. I don't want to leave you hanging—"

The sound of the garage door opening and closing, and Hank's little paws scratching the floor as he ran to greet the person who had entered interrupted their moment.

_Of course. _

She immediately pulled away from him, backing away from the stairwell a little bit.

He looked down at his watch, and she saw that it read 9:30. Yeah, that was about right.

"Fuck," he whispered, looking back over at her. "Tomorrow, Liv. Okay? Tomorrow, after…after your show. We can talk. We can talk about everything. Alone, no interruptions, no…no limit on time, okay?"

She nodded understandingly. "Okay...okay."

"I…I love you," he whispered, kissing the top of her hand and heading through the doorway. "I love you."

"I love you," she whispered back, watching him head up the stairs.

She could tell he didn't want to leave. He let out a sad sigh, looking back at her once more before he turned around.

He cleared his throat and made his way upstairs, composing himself before he exited her line of vision. Going back upstairs to his wife, who didn't know a thing about any of this. Back to his life where he pretended for about 80 percent of it.

But now, according to him, that was going to change.

There was so much she still didn't know, and understand. So much he had yet to explain to her.

Although, part of her wondered whether or not he even knew all the details himself. She at least wanted to know what he'd meant by "progress." As far as she knew, he was still acting his ass off with Mellie in front of Karen every day, so she wanted to understand why he now felt the way he felt. How he was going to go about things in the near future if he was really going to leave.

Lots of questions. But also, an answer for her. An answer to a question she didn't think she'd ever get to know.

That he loved her back.

Even though his side of things was much more difficult than her side was—he loved her back.

That was all she thought about for the entire rest of the night. Reading those words. Hearing those words. And everything that came after that.

That was one of the best nights of sleep she'd had in a long time.

* * *

She woke up before her alarm even went off.

And immediately after she did, she wondered if last night had been real all over again.

"Jane Eyre" sat next to her on her nightstand, reminding her that it, indeed, had been real.

She flew out of bed to get ready to work out, and she was _excited_.

Their relationship had been gradually getting better as time had gone on recently. It hadn't been normal, like it used to be. But every day had been better. Every day they grew a little more comfortable, and a little less awkward. He'd grown less shy with her all over again, too.

So the past month hadn't been bad by any means. But now.

Now it was a whole new ballgame. Now she was _really_ excited to see him again.

She was excited about this whole day in general.

Only one final, one she knew she could do well on. The last day of the semester, before she'd get some time off. The broadway show she was seeing with all her friends tonight. And after that, she could be with Fitz. They could actually talk, with nothing to stop them. Mellie and Karen would be gone. They'd get to spend her last night just the two of them.

She was trying not to think about the fact that she _did_ have to leave tomorrow. It was even worse now, that last night had happened.

But she pushed that away. She tried to make today 100 percent _positive_.

She was in the gym before he even came downstairs, ready to go. She was stretching when he first made his appearance, dressed in gym shorts and a tighter workout shirt that always made her want to see him shirtless yet again.

When she could see his pecs and his abs through the fabric—that was something. Yes, please.

"Hi," he greeted, shutting the door behind him.

"Hi," she greeted back, giving him a soft smile from her yoga mat.

"How are you today?"

"I'm good. I'm...I'm really good," she admitted. "How are you?"

"I'm so good," he said back, coming to sit across from her. "Happy to see you again."

"Me too," she nodded.

"Are you excited for today?" he asked. "'Wicked' is...really good, by the way."

"I'm _so_ excited," she smiled. "Today is just...today will be a good day. And I'm not going to think about tomorrow yet."

He sighed. "No. Let's...not. I don't need to...cry, or something, let's just work out before that happens and I get embarrassed."

She started to giggle, smiling up at him.

"I prefer when you're smiley."

And just then, a smile formed on his cute face and he looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact with her.

"See. There it is," she laughed. "I love that."

He looked up, meeting her eyes now.

"I love _you."_

And thus, the blushing returned.

"I love you," she replied.

He smiled at her, before letting his eyes briefly wander over her body in the workout clothes she was wearing. Showing every toned muscle, every _perfect_ aspect of that body.

His eyes had never stopped wandering, regardless of what had happened between them. He had always deeply appreciated how beautiful she was.

But he didn't let it distract him—they had a workout to do, after all, and it was their last one together.

He cleared his throat and stood up to stretch for a second longer. "Well. Friday. You know what that means."

"Leg day," she nodded, standing up as well.

"Ready?" he asked, pulling his foot up behind him to stretch his other quad.

"Ready."

After their last workout together, came their last commute to the city together.

And in between, was Olivia and Mellie's goodbye. It was not at all emotional, like it had been with Karen or it _would_ be with Fitz. But Olivia had a lot to thank Mellie for, regardless. And a lot to be sorry about. Mellie didn't know that yet. But she would.

And Olivia was ready for any and all consequences that would present her. She deserved every bit of it, she knew that.

If there was a way to make any of it less wrong, or hurt anyone less—she absolutely would.

The only thing she couldn't do was fall out of love with Fitzgerald Grant. She'd learned that a _long_ time ago. And nor could he.

So although she had been feeling a range of emotions lately, particularly in the past day, she followed through with positivity, and positivity _only,_ that day.

Her final Literature exam was almost first thing in the morning—second hour, which she was pretty sure she _nailed_.

After that, her day was a breeze. And it went quickly, which she would have probably been more sad about if she wasn't spending the rest of the evening with her friends.

Later after the show, Fitz was going to take the train into the city to meet her afterward, so she didn't have to come home alone on the train at such a late hour.

She'd assured him it was absolutely _not_ necessary for him to come back into the city on a Friday night just to ride back with her, but he wouldn't hear of it.

So after her show, she'd at least have some company on the way back to Rye, thanks to that sweet guy.

But after school, she went directly to Nia's dormitory to get ready with the rest of her friend group. It was her, Nia, Huck, his boyfriend Elliot, Quinn, and Stephen.

Nia was one of their friends who wasn't staying past this semester, so it was a little sad to be getting ready all together in her little suite dorm. The last time they'd all be together.

But they made the most of it. They'd all had to bring their bags and extra clothes with them to school so that they could change and get ready before the show.

They had music going as they all took turns changing in Nia's tiny bathroom, chatting and laughing for a while before they went out to dinner.

Olivia had to admit, she looked _good_.

The dress she'd packed for the day was one of her favorites. She knew some people wouldn't be as dressed up as their group, but they'd decided to dress up nicely, especially because they went out to a nice restaurant beforehand.

Plus, they were celebrating.

All the girls wore dresses that were decently long, to keep somewhat warm, and heels.

Olivia's dress was a pretty maroon color, and she wore black heels with it. Her makeup was darker than she normally wore it, but very elegant. All her girl friends told her she looked fantastic. Plus Huck, who had great taste.

They _all_ looked fantastic in Olivia's opinion. The girls' dresses were beautiful, and Stephen, Huck, and Elliot, had cleaned up wonderfully too—all in khakis and dress shirts.

All throughout the evening, she grew happy whenever she thought of Fitz seeing her in her current attire. There weren't too many occasions he had seen her so dressed up.

This dress was one of her favorites for a reason. It felt quite flattering on her.

It was long-sleeved and fitted all the way down with a leg slit, and it had a belt that tied around her petite waist. It made her look far older than she was; it was just something she felt so beautiful in.

She always enjoyed a reason to get all dressed up. And that night's reason was a blast.

Dinner was great. The show was amazing—she was pretty sure she was going to have the entire "Wicked" soundtrack stuck in her head for weeks now, which she wasn't complaining about. _And_ she had a great time with all her friends.

It was sad when they all returned back to Nia's place to grab their backpacks and head their separate ways. They had to say goodbye to Nia for good, and to the rest of each other for winter break.

But at least they'd gotten to spend their day and evening together.

Some of her friends walked back to their dormitories, and Stephen took a cab back to the nice apartment he'd stayed at this semester, which was in the city.

He, also, was transitioning from host family to dormitory next semester, so he'd be in the same boat as Olivia would be.

Olivia texted Fitz as she walked to Grand Central, just to let him know she was getting close.

Thankfully it wasn't too chilly outside, and she didn't have all that far to walk anyway.

But she admired her surroundings on her brief walk. The city was so alive. Everyone out walking about, the bright lights, the beautiful Christmas decorations up everywhere. God, she couldn't wait to hopefully make this place home for good.

She didn't even reach Grand Central before she saw Fitz from afar. He was exiting the terminal, walking toward her with his hands in his pockets.

Staring. Oh was that man staring.

He couldn't even see her full outfit because she was wearing a dressy jacket, and he was _still_ staring.

She was smiling as she neared him, appreciating the casual look he had going on tonight.

He was wearing a pair of khakis, and a nice button-up coat on top, over what she assumed was a casual dress shirt, based on its collar. He looked great.

"Holy...shit," he said, as soon as she could hear.

"Hi," she laughed.

He extended his hand to her, giving her the complete look over.

_"Hi,"_ he said, as she took his hand.

He studied her as he grasped her hand, like she was some sort of royalty. The look in his eyes told her that she was—to him.

"You look _amazing,"_ he said.

"Thank you!" she smiled.

"Wow," he said, shaking his head. "Wow."

"Oh, stop," she laughed, feeling herself blushing.

He smiled back, nodding at her. "You must have stopped the entire show tonight."

She didn't think the blushing could get any worse, but she proved herself wrong.

"Oh my gosh," she laughed, putting her hand up to her face.

His light chuckle only made her smile more, as he finally met her eyes.

"Did you have a good time tonight?" he asked.

"I did!" she said. "It was a great night. The show was amazing."

"Good," he smiled. "I'm happy you had a good night. How about...today? How about your Lit final?

"It went really well, I think," she nodded. "I felt confident about it."

"That's great, Liv," he said encouragingly.

"Yeah. It was good to spend my last day with my friends," she replied. "And...now, the rest of it...with you."

Pink surfaced on his cheeks as he looked up at her with a smile.

"You know...what I think we should do, on...this, your last day?" he asked.

"What?" she asked.

"Go have some dessert."

"Dessert?" she laughed.

"Yes," he nodded. "We could...we could talk. And I um...I know a place."

"Oh, do you now?" she giggled.

"Uh-uh," he said. "It's not too far. Unless you're super tired, then we can head back, I know you have a long day of travel tomorrow."

"No, I absolutely would love to go talk and have dessert," she replied. "It's my last night here for a couple weeks, I want to make it count. Let's do it."

"Okay," he said, flashing her a smile, nodding his head so she'd follow him.

He called them a cab so she didn't have to walk all the way back in the direction she'd just come from. She was pretty grateful for that, she'd been in heels since early evening and she was beginning to feel the aftermath of that.

She'd never been to the place that they went to.

It was called Ai Fiore, which was actually attached to a really nice hotel she knew of called the Langham, off of Fifth Avenue.

Fifth Avenue was where it's at.

It was so beautiful inside, and she hadn't even seen the nicer part of the hotel. But still, Ai Fiore was stunning.

They sat down in a little corner booth, and immediately could not resist the temptation of ordering cappuccinos to go with their dessert.

She was already accepting the fact that she'd just have to sleep on her flights tomorrow because she wasn't even tired now, and she was having _espresso_ on top of it.

Oh well.

They didn't get to talking—beyond catching up on each other's days and evenings—until their dessert came.

They ordered a slice of cheesecake and tiramisu, with the plan that they'd split them.

So Olivia scooted to his side of the booth and sat next to him, trying not to show how extremely happy it made her to be close to him again. She kept it cool, even though the simple feeling of his thigh against hers made her body tingle.

And then he explained everything, as they began to eat their desserts. He explained everything she hadn't known the past few weeks. Everything that had happened, everything that had been going on in his head, everything that his friends had been giving him advice about—_everything._

And that was _also_ a lot to process.

"Wow," she said, looking down at the table.

"Yeah," he nodded. "I don't...want you to feel uncomfortable talking about it—because I can't imagine how it must make you feel to talk about this. I just

know...you also deserve to know everything."

She nodded in agreement. "I'm glad you told me. I just hope...you've been okay these past few weeks. I'm so sorry. I know I haven't exactly been there for you."

"Oh, God—Liv. No. Don't apologize about this," he shook his head. "You have...absolutely nothing to be sorry about. We had our rules, and...I didn't know where you stood because of those rules. I worried there was a chance you wanted...absolutely nothing to do with me anymore. Which, by the way—I would _not_ blame you for."

She gasped at him and shook her head sadly, which made him chuckle.

"Oh, Fitz. If only you knew...the things I've thought about. If only you knew...how much I've missed you. _Us_, I should say. No matter what, no matter what's happened, no matter how hard it was. I just...wanted you back. The only thing was...I just didn't think I'd _get_ you back. I really...didn't think so."

He looked at her sadly, and moved closer to her.

"I wanted this," she admitted, as she cut a bite of cheesecake with her fork. "I have always wanted it. Ever since the beginning. And I knew we went into it blind. We did. And after we were done, I had to remind myself how long you've been married to her. I told myself I was dumb for the things that I wanted, and _selfish_. Because I would never get to have you, and I _should_ never get to have you."

He sighed sadly, putting his fork down. "I'm so sorry, Olivia. I'm so sorry for everything."

"You don't have to be," she shook her head.

"But I do," he nodded back. "I do, and I am. And I just hope you know...how badly I want you. Us. And that things are going to change. Things _need_ to change."

She nodded and looked up at his handsome face, before continuing.

"K told me something similar to what she told you a couple weeks ago," Olivia said quietly. "She told me back when you and Mellie attended that gala in the fall."

"What? What did she say?" Fitz asked.

"It wasn't exactly the same as what she said to you. But...she said she just wasn't sure you and Mellie had fun together alone. And that...you didn't have many 'happy' talks," Olivia said, watching his face grow sad again. "I just...I wasn't sure how to...I didn't know how to tell you something like that, Fitz."

He nodded, putting his hand to his head. "I worry about how long she's thought that. I just...worry it's been far too long. I needed to hear _her_ say it, I think. She needed...to tell me. It...hurt like hell to hear it. But I know that I needed to. I just wish...I don't know. I have regrets, Liv. I was just trying to give her...the best. I wanted her to have things I didn't. I just wanted to give her the _best_ life. And it took me far too long to realize this isn't it. It could be better."

She put her hand on his and rubbed her thumb over his skin.

"You know Karen loves you so much. Right?" Olivia asked.

He turned to her with a smile and nodded.

"Yeah."

"Yeah," Olivia smiled. "You are...the best dad to her. The best. No matter what, that will never change."

Although she wanted to have this talk, which involved _very_ serious topics, she also wanted to try and keep things positive. It was her last night here for a bit, and she was sticking with the attitude that she'd had all day. _Positive_.

He sighed, nodding at her in response.

"You are amazing."

"Me?" she asked.

"Yes. Everything you do, everything you say. You're just amazing. It's no wonder my daughter and I...fucking love you."

"Aww," she smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder. "I love you both. A lot."

"She _really_ loves you, you know," he said, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as he leaned his head against hers. "You should have heard our bedtime talks the week you were gone on break. We'd talk about our days, and then somehow...we'd end up talking about you every night."

"Oh my goodness," Olivia smiled. "I missed you two so much when I was gone. I don't know...what the hell I'm going to do going forward. I'll miss you both so much."

"I know," he sighed. "We'll figure something out. I promise. It's not going to be easy, but we will."

"I know," she said, pulling her head back to look at him. "We'll figure something out while we're...defying the world. Again."

He started laughing, looking at her contently.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she laughed.

"Sorry. I'm saying it a lot," he nodded.

"You are," she nodded, cutting a bite of cheesecake and holding it up to his mouth. "And don't apologize for it, because I love it."

He took the bite she offered and smiled as he finished it, looking over her face. His eyes stopped on her lips, before meeting her eyes again.

She felt him leaning, and herself leaning back.

His lips. She'd missed them so much. A big part of her thought she'd never get to kiss them again, but there she was, sitting in the back booth of a beautiful restaurant, kissing him again.

It was a simple kiss, but one that lingered.

When they pulled away, he leaned his forehead against hers and gave her a smile.

"I missed all your smiles," she whispered, looking back and forth between his eyes and his lips.

_"You're_ what makes me smile," he whispered back, and his smile growing bigger because of it.

She pressed her lips against his briefly again, feeling his hand move to rest on her thigh.

She could sit there and talk, and kiss him all night. In fact, she desperately wished that she _could_.

"I don't want to go back," she whispered against his lips. "I don't want this night to end. It's been so good, I just...wish it didn't have to end, and I wish I didn't have to leave you."

He touched his lips to hers lightly in thought, rubbing her thigh.

"Maybe...we don't have to go back tonight," he whispered. "I wish you didn't have to leave, too. But maybe...until you do, we could...stay. We could stay here tonight. Our night doesn't have to end yet. Your _last_ night."

"Stay...where?" she asked.

He looked around, giving her a shrug. "Well. I guess we _are_...at the Langham. We could...stay. If...if you want?"

"Oh, Fitz. We don't have to do that—I just...I meant I've had such a fun evening in the city is all," she replied.

"I know," he nodded. "And it's your last night. So I just thought...it wouldn't have to end."

She looked at him curiously. "Are you serious?" she laughed.

"Yes," he nodded. "I'm not very good at jokes."

She started to laugh again and shook her head. "That's not true. You make me laugh all the time."

"_You_ make me laugh," he chuckled. "You're powerful."

It made her blush as he said it, and she leaned against his shoulder with a smile.

"I still can't tell if you're serious about staying here. That seems like an expensive night," she said quietly.

Judging from the restaurant they were currently in, _whew._

"I don't care," he said. "It would...make you happy."

"Would it...make _you_ happy?" she asked.

"Yeah," he nodded with a smile. "I would love to stay here with you. It's nice to be out with you, away from the house."

"Yeah," she agreed with a smile. "We...could do it."

"We could," he nodded, smiling down at her. "We don't have overnight clothes or anything with us. But...at least Hank went out right before I left, which is later than he normally goes out anyway. So as long as we get back early in the morning," he chuckled.

"Well that's great news. We aren't prepared in any way to spend the night, but at least Hank will sleep comfortably! Those are priorities right there," she laughed. Which, _was_ true!

"Yeah," he chuckled, smiling as she leaned into him. "Hank comes first."

"Always," she giggled.

He waved the waiter down so he could pay their tab and looked at her. "Well...you ready? Should we go check it out?"

"Yeah," she nodded, smiling.

She was kind of excited now, about their little city sleepover. All her bags were packed back at the house anyway, so all she'd need to do in the morning was shower and change clothes when she got back.

She certainly didn't expect her last night here before winter break to be spent with Fitz in a hotel, but she had to admit...she wasn't going to complain.

She was thinking about things, actually. She was thinking about a lot of things, as soon as they checked in to get a room.

He had even offered a two-bed room if she wasn't comfortable sleeping next to him.

But she'd already done it once, and at this point, she was pretty sure there was no turning back. They'd said things that couldn't be taken back—things she didn't _want_ to take back. He was in the middle of leaving his wife, partially because of her, for God's sake.

She was pretty sure sleeping in a separate bed wasn't going to mean much in the grand scheme of things. And she didn't want to.

Those things she was thinking about as they reached their room on the 40th floor. Their King suite, which Fitz had agreed to within a few seconds like it was nothing. Those things were making her heart race when they entered their room, but she tried to push them aside as she admired their beautiful suite.

* * *

**Go ahead and read part 2!**


	15. Finishing Jane Eyre Pt 2

"Oh wow," she whispered, looking around the spacious, and elegant room. A little living area and a bar, and a huge King sized bed, with a beautiful view of the city outside the window. "Fitz...this is amazing."

"It's beautiful," he nodded, taking off his coat to put it on the couch.

She set her bag down, looking out the window.

"Thank you so much for doing this. This is...so extravagant!" she said, smiling out at the view of the city. The city that never slept.

He looked at her with a smile, as she admired the view. He put his hands in his pockets, thinking of how happy it had made her. It was a five-star hotel, so it was extremely nice, he couldn't deny that. But it wasn't all that extravagant to him.

So just the fact that one night in it made her this happy, just to be in the city environment with him. It made him want to be with her, and see that smile _all_ the damn time.

"I'm glad you like it, Livvie," he said, smiling at her, and making his way to the couch.

She looked over at him, starting to take off her coat too.

_Livvie._

She was thinking again. She wondered if she was the only one thinking about it as she laid her coat over the desk chair and slipped off her heels.

His eyes wandered slowly down her body, in her fitted maroon dress and the necklace he bought her around her neck. He got a better look now that they weren't sitting down in a restaurant.

Based on how he just looked at her, she was pretty sure she wasn't the only one thinking things.

He had never been super great at concealing his wandering eyes when it was just the two of them. She saw every area of her body that his eyes lingered on, and she, in turn, felt her body respond.

He was still standing by the couch, looking over at her. So she walked back toward him, and he watched that too.

Her hips in that fitted dress. Her legs, oh God. The v-neck of that dress. He was trying to push the thought out of his head as she neared him. The thought that he wanted the dress gone.

And as she came up in front of him, flashing him that pretty smile, he couldn't even speak.

She felt her own eyes wander, too. Down his strong chest and abdomen, that she could see through his fitted casual dress shirt. His hands in the pants of his khakis, which accentuated his muscular thighs, and his ass, too.

He looked down at her, and she could almost feel that their thoughts were the same.

His audible breathing, and his chest moving up and down, signaled to her that he was nervous. And she understood, because her heart was beating so quickly in her own chest.

The second she stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, he immediately wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her back.

Her heart only continued to race as their kiss transitioned into a slow, passionate makeout.

It had been a while, but she hesitantly opened his mouth further with her tongue. He held her tighter, and brushed her tongue back with his.

His hands held firm to her waist, but they didn't stay there for long.

They slowly moved down to her hips, feeling the soft fabric of her dress beneath his fingertips. And their kiss was so deep. So passionate, after such a long time of forcing themselves to stay away.

They weren't staying away now.

He exhaled against her lips, shifting his hands down to her ass so he could pick her up.

She gasped quietly, holding on tighter around his neck as he walked with her in his arms. Her dress rode up, leaving her pressed up against him in nothing but her underwear, until he laid her down on the bed.

He sunk down slowly, pressing himself into her gently. She could feel him. She could feel him against her, which made her clit start to throb.

She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer and allowing their bodies to press closer together. He instantly hardened more above her—she felt it.

He pulled away from her lips, breathing hard, and moved to her neck.

She ran her fingers through his hair, as his lips covered her delicate skin.

She was breathing audibly—in fact, she was sure the room was filled with nothing but the sound of his lips on her neck, his intermittent breathing, and the sounds of her pleasure.

And then his hands were on her breasts.

Her legs started to widen simply because he was touching her. She kept them somewhat wrapped around his waist, but she felt her control withering away.

It felt like it had been so long since she'd even been remotely intimate with him. And even when she had, they hadn't gone very far. They'd always kept things pretty minimal, simply because they didn't have moments alone very often. When they were alone, their moments were rushed, or plagued by guilt that stemmed from uncertainty.

But there wasn't as much uncertainty now, not about what they felt. Things felt different.

It felt like they were each other's. They'd said the words. They'd meant them. And now they were showing it.

She pulled on his shirt as he massaged her breast with one hand, and ran his other up her thigh.

He did it slowly, but he slid his hand under her fitted dress and up toward her underwear.

The underwear she had on right now didn't leave much to the imagination. It was a pretty skimpy thong, and he was now feeling that first hand.

"Is this okay? I can...I can stop," he whispered, pausing his hand over the side of her thong, and her smooth hip.

"I don't want you to stop," she whispered, holding his head as he kissed her chest. "I want...oh God—"

Her pleading, alone, had him panting as he touched her through her underwear. She was wet—he could feel it through the fabric, and it made his dick even harder.

He looked up at her, desperate for her to feel so good. The moans and the breathing—he just wanted to hear more. He wanted her to be satisfied.

"What do you want?" he whispered, kissing her neck. "Tell me...tell me what you want."

She held his face in her hands, pulling him back so that their eyes met.

"You," she whispered, glancing over his face. "I want you, Fitz. Right...now."

He looked down at her, hearing just the two of their breathing. His heart started to race.

"You...you want...?" he whispered, trying to gauge what he could from the expression on her face.

She nodded breathlessly, a small smile forming on her face.

His heart pounded in his chest, but a small smile formed on his face too.

He leaned back down and captured her lips in a kiss. "Me too. God...I want you. I—want you too," he whispered.

She moaned against his lips, before he disconnected their lips and looked down at her.

"Do you have any...are you on...?" he whispered.

She shook her head, letting out a deep breath.

He nodded, looking around as he tried to calm his breathing. But his heart was absolutely _racing._

"Okay. Okay. Um..." he began, starting to get up.

He ran his hand through his hair quickly, looking around as his heart raced.

"I'll uh...I'll be back. Okay? I'll, um...I'll be right back."

"Okay...yeah," she panted, watching him get up. "Okay."

"Don't move," he whispered, leaning down and pecking her lips quickly.

She nodded, watching him put his jacket on and button it. Thankfully, it covered his raging boner, which she could see the imprint of in his pants.

He ran a hand through his hair, trying to tame it as he got ready to head out again with his wallet in hand.

"I'll be back," he said, fixing his collar. "Give me fifteen."

"Okay," she nodded breathlessly, as he left the room.

She let out a big, unsteady sigh as she looked up at the ceiling, trying to calm her insane heart rate.

This was really about to happen.

She wanted him so bad, but it also had been forever since she'd done this. And she certainly wasn't super experienced, let alone good at it, which made up a big portion of her nerves.

He was much older, and although she knew he'd only been with one woman, he was far more experienced than she was. She didn't even have to know anything about his decade-long sex life with Mellie to know that, because she could only count the number of times she'd had sex on one hand.

It definitely made her nervous.

And yet, she wanted him. She wanted to feel him inside of her. She wanted him to do things to her, and she wanted to do things to him too.

The thoughts she had about Fitz—she'd never had about the one guy she _had_ been intimate with. Not on this level.

This was something so entirely different.

She decided to get out of bed so she could unzip her very fitted dress. After it fell to the floor, she hung it up on the chair and walked back to the bed in only her bra and skimpy underwear, which truly was much more comfortable. She loved the dress, but taking it off felt nice.

She slid under the covers and propped her head up with her palm, awaiting his return. Awaiting his return with a quickly beating heart.

He made it back in ten minutes, quicker than he'd even said he'd be. He walked in with a small plastic bag from a convenience store that he about dropped the second he saw her in bed.

She smiled at him, but he couldn't see anything. All he saw was her laying on her side under the covers, with her now bare shoulders.

He knew what was under the covers—practically nothing.

He bit his lip as he watched her, removing his coat and his shoes again, and then grabbing a box quickly from the bag.

He set the box on the nightstand and mounted her, pulling back the covers slowly to reveal her almost naked body beneath him.

Her breasts perfectly filling that black lacy bra. The necklace that he'd given her still around her neck. Her flat, toned stomach. The black underwear, that had nothing but thin strings to connect the front and the back. Her smooth skin, so much of it bare for him to see. His eyes devoured every inch of her before he even could.

She reached up and started to undo his belt, and he instantly felt his dick respond, even more than it already had at the sight of her body.

He braced himself on the mattress, letting her remove his belt and unzip his pants. He leaned down and kissed her while she did, and she instantly started to push his pants down.

He helped her, inching them off and leaving him solely in his shirt and underwear. The shirt buttons were next, which he rapidly undid as he knelt above her. She was running her hands over him through his briefs, and he was watching her do it.

He tossed his shirt off the side of the bed and gripped the headboard for support as he knelt there above her, both in nothing but their underwear.

Not a word had been spoken since they'd started to undress.

Her almost naked body tended to have that effect on him—he was speechless. But he was nervous, too, and he could see a hint of it in her as well. In the past, they'd both been a bit hesitant sometimes to go any further. But he had to admit, he wasn't feeling hesitant now. He wanted every inch of her, despite the rapid beating of his heart. He wanted to show her now, that he loved her. He wanted her to _feel_ just how much he did.

He wanted to take that step now, and clearly, she did too.

She smiled and sat up briefly, unclasping her bra with slightly shaky hands. She unhooked it from her shoulders and dropped it off the side of the bed, watching his eyes move to her bare chest for the first time. She laid back slowly on the bed, giving him a smile.

All he could think, was _wow._

As he knelt there, he moved his hands to her perfect breasts, feeling them beneath his fingertips. And watching how it made her smile, and widen her legs.

And his heart pounded.

He licked his lips and leaned down, taking one of her nipples in his mouth. It made her gasp, and she immediately clutched at his curls.

His hands, on the other hand, moved to her underwear.

He didn't waste any more time. He just hooked his fingers underneath the thin band, and started to push them down while his tongue swirled around her nipple.

She bent her legs at the knee and let him swiftly remove her underwear, which left her completely and utterly naked beneath him.

He was throbbing in his briefs as he shifted to give her other breast some attention.

His eyes were closed, but he felt her naked body against him. Her legs were wide on either side of him, she was wet in between, and her skin was _so_ soft.

He opened his eyes and kissed his way down slowly, peering up at her while he did.

She was so gone. She watched his every move, with such a pleasured look on her face. Her body shook a little bit as he went lower.

And when he did, he had to take a minute to appreciate her whole body, laid out before him. So smooth, so sexy, and _all_ his.

He glanced up and down her bare body, licking his lips.

"You are...so beautiful," he whispered, dragging his finger along her stomach. The image he'd tried to imagine in his head a thousand times didn't compare at all.

She was smiling, but he could physically see her muscles tensed and trembling, so he extended his body back up to meet her eyes again, bringing the covers over them. That at least would keep her warm, because in addition to the duvet over them, their warm skin was now pressed together.

It was easier to see that she was nervous now, too.

"Livvie," he whispered, cupping her cheek. "Have you ever...done this before?"

She nodded in response, letting out a deep breath. "Yes. It's just been...kind of a long time for me."

"Okay," he nodded in a whisper. "Are you sure...you want to?"

"I've never been more sure about anything," she whispered with a smile, reaching down to slip her fingers under the waistband of his underwear.

He nodded and kissed her cheek softly. And he reached down, too, to help her take off his briefs.

His hardened, wet tip pressed up against her lower abdomen—she felt it immediately as he took off his briefs and reached for the box on the nightstand.

He was so warm between her legs, and the feeling only made her widen her legs more. She wanted it bad. Despite her nerves, she wanted it _now. _And he could tell.

He opened the box, and unwrapped a condom, which she watched intently, starting to move against him. His hand disappeared underneath the covers, and he rolled it on himself. She felt the latex pressed to her clit as he sunk down closer to her.

"We'll just go nice and slow, okay?" he whispered, leaning his forehead down against her.

"Okay," she whispered back with a nod, wrapping her arms around him. "Okay."

He adjusted some things and settled himself down between her legs.

He leaned down and kissed her while he prodded her entrance with his tip, holding himself in his hand. He kissed her the whole time that he slowly began to push in, hoping to somewhat take the pressure off for her.

She gasped, immediately tightening her grip around him and closing her eyes tightly.

He had to go slow to allow her some time. She was tight, that much he could tell right from the beginning. She felt so incredibly good, especially when he was able to slowly ease himself in all the way.

"Oh God," she gasped, clutching onto his shoulders tightly. He pulled out and rolled his hips again, filling her up slowly.

"That...okay?" he asked, pausing.

She nodded, but couldn't speak back. She was holding so tightly to him that he knew there was no way he was coming out of tonight without marks on his skin.

Marks from her. And the thought didn't even worry him. It made him happy.

She leaned her head back on the pillow, feeling him stretch her. He was thick, and long, and she could feel him reaching areas that she felt had never been reached before.

Her eyes were squeezed shut, but she opened her legs even wider for him to thrust again.

Her legs were just about next to his biceps, she was that wide. That _open_ for him.

He had to wet his dry lips—they were dry from beginning to pant already.

"Jesus," he whispered, running his hand along her right calf.

He watched his length slide in more effortlessly this time—coated in her wetness now. She had begun to relax, and adjust to his size.

It was a sight he was pretty sure he would never forget. Seeing himself all the way inside of her, her walls gripping his dick so perfectly.

"Oh, Liv," he moaned, lingering inside and glancing over her pleasured face. "Oh...baby. Look at me—look at me."

She finally realized her eyes were still squeezed shut, so she opened them and watched as he slowly rolled his hips. Filling her up again and again, and never ceasing his steady pace. Jesus, she'd never seen his hips move like that.

Their eyes met as he slid in and out of her slowly, bringing a slight smirk to both of their faces. And then his hand moved down between their bodies. She felt his finger start to move back and forth against her clit in the little room that he had between them.

She clutched the pillow next to her, and clutched him.

"Oh—" she moaned loudly, biting her lip and feeling the wonderful sensation of him inside of her, and his finger rubbing her clit.

To see her like this beneath him, morning and panting—starting to break a sweat simply because of what he was doing to her. It was better than anything he could have ever imagined. He was being gentle and going pretty slow, so if this was already how she looked now—his mind wandered to how she'd like it if he did other things to her and her beautiful body. How she'd like it if he took her in other ways.

Her perfect breasts moving up and down with each slow thrust of his hips, how hard she was holding onto him. Jesus, he could go all night at this rate.

He was moaning now, starting to pick up his pace.

And she understood his need to pick up the pace, because she was starting to feel things. She was feeling things she hadn't ever felt before during sex.

This pent up feeling inside, that only kept growing as he thrust deep inside her and rubbed her clit.

"Fitz," she whimpered, holding tightly to his shoulders. "Fitz—don't stop. Please, just...like that, don't stop."

"Like...that," he echoed in a whisper, leaning down to take her nipple in his mouth. That drove her even more insane.

He could tell she was getting _so_ close, because she was moving her hips against his, trying to connect them even more deeply than he already was. And her thighs, which were still spread so damn wide, were trembling. He paused all the way inside her, moving his fingers so fast against her clit and swirling his tongue across her nipple.

"Yes. Yes—yes," she whimpered desperately.

He rested his head down against hers so that he could see her eyes. He smiled at her, biting his lip as they connected over and over.

He was so close, too; he didn't have sex often, so it was a struggle for him to hold off. But he did everything in his power to, so he could see her come first. He wanted to see how she looked, how she sounded. How she felt. And he didn't want his own orgasm distracting him from it.

She was panting, looking utterly exhausted. But when she saw his smile, her lips immediately formed a smile back.

"I...love you," he whispered, rolling his hips.

"I love you," she breathed back, cupping his face. "I love you...so much, Fitz."

"I love you," he moaned, capturing her lips in a kiss as he thrust faster now.

She had long since started to shake, and now so was he.

"Oh...God. Yes—" she said, gripping his shoulders.

He could see, and _feel_ it coming.

"Oh, Fitz. _Fitz—"_

He felt her clenching around him and it pushed him _so_ quickly over the edge, he didn't even have a chance to stop it. He just couldn't hold off any longer—especially with her moaning his name in his ear, and her fingernails digging into his back. Not to mention, she was pulsating around him. That was the end of him right there, so thank God he'd watched her finish first.

"Olivia—" he moaned, burying his head in her shoulder again. He came hard, feeling his own body shake unsteadily on top of her after she'd already reached her own high.

He pumped in and out slowly a few more times, cherishing how tight, and perfect she felt around him. _And_ how beautiful she was beneath him. Her thighs still trembled, so he started to gently rub one of them as he kissed her neck. He slowly pulled out, resting himself against her, because it was the only place he wanted to be.

They were a complete mess, he could feel it all. Their bodies were damp with sweat, and her cum was on the both of them.

She laid there and tried to calm her breathing, with her arms still wrapped tightly around him. She looked utterly surprised, and somewhat amazed.

"You okay?" he whispered, kissing her cheek.

She nodded slowly without a word at first, looking as if she was trying to gather her thoughts. She let out a deep breath, and met his eyes.

"That's never...I've never had that happen before," she admitted in a whisper.

She almost felt a little embarrassed that it hadn't. Not that she had been having lots of sex for that to happen prior to tonight. But still, in the times that she had, never had she experienced _that_ type of orgasm.

What on earth had she been missing—good God.

"No?" he whispered.

"...No," she answered, wide-eyed.

His lips slowly formed into a soft smile and he started to blush. Which, made _her_ blush.

"And...do you feel good?" he asked, kissing her shoulder.

She nodded immediately, tightening her arms around him. "Yes. God...yes. _Wow."_

_"Wow," _he agreed with a nod. _He_ certainly had never experienced anything quite like that before either. _That_ was what making love felt like.

"I've been wanting to do that for months."

_"God_, me too," he nodded.

"I did not think...this was going to happen today, though," she admitted with a laugh.

"Neither did I," he chuckled. "I guess I wasn't thinking...we were going to completely lack self control the second we were...alone in a hotel room."

She burst into laughter, nudging his arm. "Yeah it didn't take us very long, did it."

"No," he laughed, shaking his head. "But...I'm happy it happened."

"Me too," she whispered, smiling up at him. "God, me too."

He smiled back and intertwined their fingers together. His hand—so much larger than hers.

His bicep flexed when she locked fingers with him, which was such a pretty sight to see.

She had a lot of muscular man on top of her right now and she wasn't complaining a single bit. But he did get up soon thereafter, which she assumed would be to take care of some things. His condom, for one.

"I'll be right back, okay," he whispered.

"Okay," she nodded, accepting the soft kiss he planted on her lips.

He turned and got out of bed right after, looking down at himself. Which, meant she didn't get a front view, but she finally got a view of his entire backside as he walked to the bathroom.

His back was so muscular. So broad at his shoulders, and she could just about see every individual muscle lining his back.

The backs of his legs, also quite defined. Hell, even his ass looked perfect. Her eyes lingered there the longest—it brought a smile to her face and probably some warmth to her cheeks.

He came back after having cleaned himself up, with what looked like a hand towel in his other hand.

She hoped to god that was for her, because good _Lord_, she felt messy down there.

And for the first time, she actually saw him in his entirety. She saw all of him.

She'd felt him, both with her hand and inside of her, and yet had never seen the entire beauty that was his body.

And what a beauty he was.

She had to almost refrain from saying "holy shit" or something because she had a hard time grasping that _that_ was the man she'd just had sex with.

The six-pack. The pecs. The arms. His dick.

Good _Lord._

He didn't even notice her staring at first, he was looking downward. But when he looked up at her, he saw it all. The mesmerized eyes, the subtle licking of her lips.

It brought a smile to his face.

"Here," he said, handing her the towel as he got in bed.

"Thank you," she said. Oh thank God.

He lifted up the covers and scooted closer to her again as she cleaned herself up. Luckily most of the mess was her—the sheets had been saved of...cum.

"Who's holding the cum rag now," she asked, rolling it up and setting it on the table beside their bed.

She wondered if they may need that again...

He burst into laughter, watching her get out of bed now, too, because she had to use the bathroom.

"You're funny," he chuckled, checking her out as she walked completely naked out of his line of vision.

"Yeah, you've said that before. I always wonder what you're smoking," she laughed, shutting the door.

"I'm serious," he replied with a laugh. "Nobody's...ever made me laugh like you. Nobody's ever really...done anything like you," he said quietly.

But she still heard.

"Fitz, you can't make me cry while I'm on the toilet."

He started to laugh again, and his laugh made her smile.

"I rest my case," he chuckled.

She finished up in the bathroom and did some additional cleaning up, coming back with a smile on her face. She could see he was taking his turn to check her out now.

She smirked, climbing into bed with him again.

She immediately scooted close to him, and he pulled her on top of him. Their bodies were pressed together; each could feel _everything_.

She leaned down and kissed his chest a few times, and he smiled because of it.

"I missed kissing you," she whispered, trailing down his abdomen.

"I can tell," he smiled, opening his hand to her. She interlocked their fingers and made her way back up. "I missed kissing you too. I missed...everything. I don't ever want what happened to happen again."

"What?" she asked, propping her other arm up on the bed next to him. She laid on top of him, looking intently up at him with their fingers intertwined.

"I don't want to be away from you. Physically...mentally. I don't know how we're going to do it, and I know it's going to be tough. All of it. But I don't want to be away from you anymore. I can't."

The thought made her happy. He was right, this would be tough. They'd been together before and that was certainly tough—who knows how this would all go in the midst of him leaving his wife. But they'd also gone without each other since then.

And she knew in her heart that despite everything, _that_ had been tougher—not being with him.

"I don't want to be away from you anymore either," she shook her head. "I don't ever want to again either, to be honest with you."

The corner of his mouth tugged up into a little grin, and he lifted his head up to press his lips to hers.

"I've never..." she began, tracing her fingers along his chest. "I've never been in love with anyone before."

"Neither...have I," he whispered back, rubbing his thumb across the top of her hand that he was holding. "So I can see where...this is a bit overwhelming. You know. Just...just a bit."

"Just a bit," she laughed. "For both of us."

"Yes," he agreed, laughing. "But...it's worth it to me, to be yours."

She moved her hand up to the side of his face and rubbed her thumb across his cheek with a smile. "And to be yours."

He sighed contently, looking between her eyes and lips.

_"Mine."_

"Mhm," she giggled, pecking his lips.

"Mine, mine, mine," he said, rolling her over and kissing her neck. She laughed the entire time, wrapping her arms and legs around him as she felt the slight tickle of his lips on her skin.

He enjoyed the feeling of her breasts pressed against his chest, and how she widened her legs when he pressed himself against her.

And he wanted to kiss her again. He wanted her lips on his, and her tongue in his mouth.

She was way ahead of him. The second he moved his lips to hers, she opened her mouth against his and plunged her tongue inside. They made out like that for a while, while he rested on top of her.

Just a makeout session in a dimly lit hotel suite, both completely naked and loving it.

His dick grew hard again against her stomach, which felt so nice. She wanted to keep feeling it.

And soon, hands started to wander again. She could tell he was being cautious about it, going slow and steady. But he pulled away from her lips and reached down, watching the look on her face as he made first contact with her clit again.

She gasped, widening her legs further.

He felt her clit against his index finger and started to rub it, adding a finger. But he wanted to make sure he did it how she wanted him to.

"Tell me how you like it," he whispered, rubbing two fingers against her clit and playing with the idea of sliding a finger inside her. He quickly pulled his fingers back and wet them, and resumed what he was doing.

He settled in on a circular motion, which instantly had her nodding. "Like that. Like...that, Fitz."

He smiled down at her, pecking her lips as she opened her legs wider for him. He slowly slid his ring finger inside her briefly, watching her clutch onto his arm in response. But he also tried to focus on her clit right now, as he felt he hadn't paid it enough attention yet.

He was eager to learn her body. To learn what she loved, aside from the one weak spot he already knew about.

But when she was shaking in his arms for a second time that night, as he brought her to an orgasm with his fingers, he had to admit he was feeling good. Better than he'd ever felt.

Not just because of the sex, or the fooling around. Because he'd never connected physically with anyone he truly loved before.

And he could see it in her eyes, too. The eyes that looked at him like he was all she wanted to see. He felt the same.

They had a _lot_ of playtime that night. They were completely and utterly alone. With no time limitations or responsibilities, and with espresso in their systems on top of that.

Olivia figured she'd be pretty tired the next day, but she had all her things packed anyway, and could just sleep on both of her flights.

They weren't exactly prepared for a sleepover in the city, they knew that. But Fitz had at least gotten toothbrushes and toothpaste from the convenience store, which she was thankful for.

All she had was a change of clothes from earlier that day at school, a toothbrush, and a box of condoms.

Apparently, that was all they needed...

And after all their playtime, they rinsed off in the shower together, before finally settling down in bed around 2 a.m.

Fitz's alarm was set for them to get up in the morning decently early so they could get back to Hank, who would need to go outside and eat breakfast. Plus, Olivia would need to _properly_ get ready for the day and then head out to the airport with Fitz.

But before they fell asleep that night, the room was full of both whispers, and deep thoughts.

Whispers of "I love you," and thoughts about where they would go from there.

Olivia couldn't help but wonder exactly how this was all going to go. She wondered if and when Fitz would leave his home in Rye. She wondered about Karen, and knew that she would be Fitz's top priority in his whole fight with Mellie. She wondered how Mellie would take everything.

She thought about people close to her too, aside from Karen. Her friends here at school. Shawn. Her mother. She thought about what they all would think of this.

But to end that wonderful, amazing night, she didn't _want_ to think about anything that felt uncertain, or that made her nervous. She didn't want to think about anything other than the man she loved, as she snuggled impossibly close to him.

What went on in Fitz's head was a lot more positive than many nights in the past. He had spent a lot of his time for a while, thinking about tough decisions and consequences, that was for sure. He never got out of his own head. But at least tonight, he felt this sense of happiness, and freedom. Because of her, and because of the decisions he'd recently made.

Tonight had been so much different than anything had ever been with Mellie, even when they were young and just starting out.

Everything with Olivia was just so much different, and so much better. Especially when he wasn't perpetually stuck in an uncertain mindset, which caused extreme guilt.

Of course there was guilt, his conscience still very much remained. He was married, and the fact that he'd been unfaithful would never go away. But he'd broken his vows long ago. What's done was done, and there was no going back, whether tonight had happened or not.

But he wasn't waiting anymore. He was done with that. He was doing something for him now, for once. He'd waited long enough for something he thought he'd never get to have.

And now, he had it.

* * *

Olivia woke up before it was even light outside. The curtains were closed, but she could tell it was dark out as she looked around the dark hotel suite.

The only thing she could see was Fitz's face next to her, as the sound of his quiet breathing filled her ears.

She smiled, admiring his handsome face. Neither of them had shifted much at all throughout the night, because they were as close as they'd been when they fell asleep. They had a king-sized bed and everything, and yet here they were.

She didn't even want to know what time it was. And surprisingly, she wasn't too tired, despite staying up extremely late. It would likely hit her later. Oh well.

She ran her fingers gently through his soft curls, which were growing longer every day. They were extra curly from their shower last night, which she assumed was because he hadn't done anything to it afterward, and this was what it looked like first thing in the morning. She'd seen it once before already, and it was pretty adorable.

And there she laid like that for a while, appreciating his defined features, and his strong chest. And of course, the rest of his body that she could feel against her own. Naked as could be.

She stopped running her fingers through his hair and just laid there with him so she didn't wake him up. She was content to just appreciate his sleepy self, anyway. But he began to stir on his own soon thereafter.

They _were_ both used to getting up quite early every day.

He exhaled deeply and began to shift next to her, before letting out a yawn and opening his eyes slowly.

They met hers and she instantly saw the smile in his eyes before he actually smiled at her.

"Hi baby," he whispered.

"Hi you," she whispered back, bringing her fingers back to his hair.

He smiled, closing his eyes again. She watched him relax the way she'd always noticed he did when she gave him any sort of affection.

She couldn't help it; she leaned forward and kissed him, which he wasn't expecting. So then she went further, and started to plant kisses all over his face. He smiled brightly through it all, wrapping his arms around her tightly.

That smile just got her.

"My smiley," she whispered, kissing his lips a few more times.

"Mhm," he chuckled, pulling her closer. "I love you."

"I love you," she replied, kissing her way down his neck. He turned onto his back and pulled her with him, which allowed her to keep kissing her way down his body more easily.

He was still tired, she could tell. But she didn't stop trailing her kisses. She didn't stop even when she neared his belly button.

He lifted his head up and looked at her as soon as she completely disappeared under the duvet, trying to figure out what her plans were this morning.

He quickly realized just what those plans were.

It started off with simple kisses around his lower abdomen. She kissed his scar, that ran diagonally along his lower right side. And then she moved lower, and didn't stop. She began to press kisses along his shaft, which instantly had him growing harder and his eyes widening.

But the second she fully began to take him in her mouth, he lifted up his head again and clutched the pillow beside him.

His eyes were wide as he inhaled sharply. He looked down at her as he pushed the covers back, and saw such a sexy sight.

She was taking him fully in her mouth, but sucking solely on his tip right now—all for him to see.

She pulled back and smirked up at him. "This okay?"

He nodded with wide eyes.

"...Yes...yes—" he nodded.

The tone of surprise in his voice had her smiling, and going back down to finish what she'd started.

She'd wondered what it would be like to have him in her mouth, and it was nothing short of fantastic.

She could admire up close, what she hadn't been able to before. She could feel every inch in her mouth. She could taste him.

And she could hear him, too. He was steadily panting now, and feeling around for things to grab.

He scooted back and adjusted himself against the headboard, opening his legs a little further for her. She started to use her hands too, to drive him even crazier.

His leg bent up at the knee, and he reached for her forearm to hold on to. He felt her soft skin beneath his fingers, and her tongue moving up and down his shaft inside her mouth.

She rubbed his abdomen, and used her other hand to stroke him beneath her mouth. She played around a little bit, which he thoroughly enjoyed. He actually gasped, which made her feel even better about what she was doing to him.

She wanted him to feel so good. She'd thought many times about the night she gave him a handjob in the basement—how relaxed he felt, and how much he moaned.

Only this was better, because he was struggling even more to keep still and quiet. It was another thing she was pretty sure he hadn't experienced in forever, and it felt good to almost claim him as hers. It felt good knowing he _was_ hers, at least in their minds. And his dick in her mouth right now—_all_ hers. She certainly showed him.

He didn't last all that long, but she made every second of it worthwhile.

By the time he was almost finished, he watched her bob up and down on him with such a content look on his face. He was leaned back against the headboard, cupping her cheek with his hand. Glancing down at her, looking so naked and beautiful, and doing something so sexy. Watching her suck on his tip, and her fingers wrap around him.

And when he came, he watched her swallow, as the cum ran down his shaft and out of her mouth.

"Christ," he whispered, leaning his head back again and closing his eyes. His neck was going to be sore from watching all of that—good Lord what a show that had been.

His heart was pounding—something he found was very common when he was intimate with her.

She wiped her mouth and planted kisses down his length. She made her way all the way back up, as he laid there with a heaving chest.

"Good morning," she whispered, as she moved all the way up to his eye level.

"It...sure is," he panted, grabbing a hold of her bare hips above him. "I was not expecting that...at all."

"And did you like it?" she whispered, kissing his neck.

"Yes..." he nodded, moving his hands to her ass. "Yes—God, you are...wow."

She pressed a kiss to his lips, giving him a smile in between pecks. And then she just went for it, even after all that—and he pulled her in for more. Their tongues collided and she still felt him panting into the kiss.

The fact that he let her kiss him like that after she'd just blown him—so hot.

She smoothed his curls back and smiled against his lips appreciatively.

She captured his lips in one more kiss and opened her eyes, studying the blue irises gazing back at her.

"What time...is it?" he whispered.

"I don't even know," she giggled quietly. "Early."

"Yeah," he chuckled, looking over at the dark window. "I don't...want my alarm to go off."

"Me neither," she sighed, starting to kiss a spot on his neck. He laid back and let her, closing his eyes in a state of relaxation.

"Just wanna stay here...with you," he whispered sleepily.

"Don't get sleepy on me, mister," she said quietly, moving to a different spot in order to avoid leaving a mark on his skin.

"Oh trust me...I'm not anymore. Not after that. Just...recovering," he murmured, laying there with his eyes still closed. She started to laugh, and snuggled closer to him.

"It's probably my turn to...use the cum rag again, huh," he whispered.

"Yeah, I think so," she laughed, looking down between their bodies.

He smiled and reached for the nightstand, and she scooted off of him so he could clean up.

"I just wanna stay here with you too, by the way," she added. She turned into him and laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arm around him. He circled his arm around her, too.

"I'll miss you when you're gone," he said quietly.

"I'll miss you too. But I'll be back before you know it," she replied, looking up at him.

"I know," he nodded.

Their comfortable silence resumed, as he tightened his grip around her. Their breathing was in sync—light, and slow.

There was something on her mind—something she wasn't sure whether or not it would ruin the mood of their little getaway. But she had to know, even if he wasn't sure himself yet. She was met with more conflicting feelings about this—shocker.

She felt she had every right to know what his plans were. If they loved each other and he was leaving his wife to be with her, she thought she had that right. But then again, he did have a wife. He had a _family_. Part of her couldn't help but feel like she didn't get the right to know that, because she had interfered with that family. It was definitely tough. Tough on her conscience, and on her emotions. She'd certainly dealt with that before.

So as the shine from his gold wedding ring caught her eye—the ring that marked him as someone else's, she couldn't help but ask.

"When are...you going to tell her?" she asked.

He sighed, looking down at her. "I'm just waiting for...the holidays to pass, so that...I don't completely blow them up for K. And then I'll tell her. It's not right to keep it from her anymore, regardless of how shitty our marriage is. That's not right of me to do. And...I'm not waiting to be with you anymore. I'm just not. You and I both have waited and suffered long enough, so I'm done."

She raised her eyebrows at his bluntness, and kind of smirked. "Well then."

"What?" he asked.

She smiled. "I just like your attitude."

"It's...long overdue, I think," he replied.

"How do you think...she'll take it?" Olivia asked.

She was kind of afraid of the answer, and she already felt _so_ bad. _So_ extremely bad. But she also didn't know what else she was supposed to do at this point. She clearly wasn't his sole reason behind all of this—Karen was as well. He was going to leave anyway, according to him, and like he said, it was long overdue. But she still felt bad.

"I'm not really sure," he replied. "She won't take it well, that much I'm assuming. I don't think...anybody really would. But...I know she won't do anything too drastic, either. She won't want to make it too overwhelming for Karen. We don't agree on much, but...that's one thing we can always agree on is that Karen comes first. It won't be good. And it won't be easy. But it's going to happen, regardless. It should have happened...a long time ago."

Olivia nodded along in response, tracing her fingers along his chest.

"What about Karen?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Fitz sighed. "I don't know. I really don't. It's hard for me to imagine what she will think about it. Clearly...she already knows that Mellie and I have issues. I don't know that...separation and divorce will necessarily surprise her, considering she's probably been thinking about our issues for quite some time now. She's smart. Smarter than...we thought she was at her age. But I do think it will be tough for her, and I have to admit I'm afraid of that. Because it's all she's ever known, and...I'm sure it's still somewhat confusing as a child. And...when it comes to..._you_, I have no idea how...she'll take that."

"Yeah," Olivia nodded sadly. "I love her so much. And yet...I've betrayed her. I think a part of me, a _selfish_ part, is scared she won't ever forgive me."

He sighed sadly, and nodded. "Me too, Liv. Me too."

She laid her head back down on his chest solemnly, and continued to trace her fingers over his muscular pecs.

"Defying the world is hard."

"It is," he agreed quietly. "But in my heart, I just feel...this will be better. For everyone. I just...think it will be. It has to be."

"I think so too," she nodded.

He looked down at her pretty face, laying on his chest. His head was propped up higher with a couple pillows.

"And...how are you taking it?" he whispered, brushing some of her twists out of her face. "I know this is...the absolute worst time for you to be going through this. In the midst of...college applications and all."

She shrugged. "I'm okay. I'm...I'm more worried about you. And K."

"Well, I'm equally worried about you," he said. "How are you, baby."

"I'm okay," she assured him in a whisper. "I'm...I'm still processing the fact that...this weekend has even happened. I'm still processing what I read in that book on Thursday night. I didn't think...I guess I was so scared something like this wouldn't happen."

He looked at her sadly and leaned forward to kiss the top of her head.

"I was so sad, Fitz. All this time. I was such a mess; it was one of the worst things I've ever experienced in my life—being done with you. And I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, because we _both_ went through it. You felt it all too. I'm just telling you because...I want you to know how happy I was to read what you wrote in that book."

He nodded at her and gave her a brief smile. "I didn't think you'd let me tell you in person."

She giggled, looking over his face. "You're probably right. You figured out a way to...get past our rules."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It was either that or blurting it out randomly so that...you'd let me talk. 'Hey, Liv, what kind of coffee do you want today—by the way I'm in love with you,'" he said, giving her an example.

She burst out laughing, snuggling into his chest. "Your form of communication was a little more romantic."

"It was, wasn't it?" he nodded. "Can I be proud?"

"You absolutely can," she giggled, rubbing his chest.

He exhaled deeply, rubbing her bare back contently.

"I'm just...still so sorry about everything. It hurts me to know you were so sad. I know you hate it when I apologize, but I'm just so sorry. I won't ever be able to say it enough."

"You don't need to be," she whispered. "You don't."

He put his finger under her chin and leaned in, touching his lips to hers.

"I love you," he murmured, kissing her again. "I love you so much. You are amazing."

"I love you too, Fitz," she whispered, kissing him once more before propping herself up on his chest._ "You_ are amazing. How have you been doing with all of this?"

"I've been okay," he replied with a nod. "I'm the least of my worries."

"Well, you aren't the least of mine," she said. "How have you been doing, Fitz. _Really_ been doing. You know what I'm asking."

He swallowed hard and ran his free hand through his messy curls.

"I'm alright. Mostly, I can never get out of my own head. Thinking about everything that could go wrong and who I'm going to hurt. Thinking about what I'm going to do. _Over_thinking," he said.

"Oh, Fitz," she sighed. "I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I'm used to it, Livvie. Trust me, I'm very used to this."

"I know. But...how is this comparing to last time? I don't want...you know, I just really don't want this to be a huge subject of anxiety for you," she said worriedly.

He shrugged. "The thing is...everything is a subject of anxiety for me, Liv. _Everything_. Even little things. This is too, of course. It's...a big deal, and a big change, and a lot going on. And I'm constantly thinking about it. But...it's what I want. I know that now. So...I just have to deal with it. Just like...I have to deal with the other consequences, too. The difference now is...I know this is what I want to do, so...that makes it a bit easier."

"I just...hate that you have to deal with it. Is there...anything else to help you too? You've mentioned medication before," she replied.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Everything I've tried has either not helped at all, or made it worse for me. Trust me, I've dealt with it since I was a kid. Since...even before my dad passed. I just...have learned to cope in other ways."

"Have you...tried them all? The different types of medication?" she asked.

"Well, no," he shook his head.

"Maybe you should keep trying," she whispered, running her fingers through his hair. "Maybe you just haven't found the right one."

He shrugged. "It's just...kind of difficult. Some can be addictive. Some have awful side effects for me. It's definitely a process to be on one for a period of time, then go off of it, and start a new one."

"I could imagine," she nodded. "I just feel awful about it."

"Don't feel bad, Liv," he replied. "Trust me. I've learned. I'm okay."

"Okay. Okay," she nodded quietly. "I won't push anything. It's not my call. I just...want you to be okay. _Truly_ okay. That's all I want."

"I'm okay," he smiled, holding her tight. "I've got you now. You're...you're an anxiety cure."

"Oh, I am?" she giggled, smiling at him.

"Uh-huh," he nodded confidently.

"I was pretty sure I was the _opposite_ of that, considering past events," she laughed, kissing his cheek.

"No, no. I've just got my shit partially figured out now," he assured her, leaning in for a kiss. "As much as...I, Fitz Grant, can _have_ it figured out."

"Ohhh, okay, I see," she giggled, holding his head in her hands.

He smiled, and then checked the nearest phone, which happened to be hers. It read just past 6 a.m.

"We've got some time. You wanna shower with me?" he asked.

_"Wait," _she said, reaching for her phone. She'd briefly seen a mail notification from her Gmail app. Her Gmail was the email she used for her resume, her college applications, and anything remotely professional.

"What's up?" he whispered, watching her pull her phone toward her.

She quickly opened up the app, before she even read the preview on the lock screen. She was hoping so desperately that she'd gotten an automated email—a very important automated email, from the NYU Office of Admissions.

And _holy shit._

She gasped, putting her hand over her mouth.

"Liv—can I be let in on this?" he chuckled.

She nodded and scooted off of him to lay on her back next to him.

"I've been waiting and waiting to hear back from NYU. I'll get a letter in the mail too, if I get in. But I get an email first that lets me know if I got in or not. And I got the email," she said, looking at it with wide eyes.

His eyes widened too, and he looked down at her screen. "What? What does it say?"

"I don't know! I haven't...I'm afraid to open the email!" she exclaimed, covering her eyes.

"Open it!" he exclaimed quietly with a laugh.

"Ahh! Okay. Okay. Oh my God," she said, feeling her heart start to race. This was the moment she'd been waiting for for years. And it felt crazy to know she'd have her answer in a mere matter of seconds.

He snuggled up to her shoulder, looking at the screen with her.

"You smell nice," she whispered.

"Don't stall," he chuckled. "Open the email. But thank you."

She sighed, laughing nervously. "Sorry. I'm giving us _both_ anxiety right now."

"Yes you _are," _he laughed.

"Okay, okay," she nodded. "Here we go."

She clicked the email to expand it further, and scanned the email quickly.

But all she had to see was the first line of the email to know what her answer was.

**Dear Olivia,**

**I am pleased to inform you that you have been accepted for admission to New York University this fall.**

They both reacted at the same time.

"Oh my God—"

"Yes! Liv!—"

She gasped, looking up at him with a wide smile and happy eyes, and he gave her the exact same happy look.

"You did it!" he exclaimed, wrapping her arms around her tighter.

"Oh my God," she said, snuggling closer to him and looking over her phone again. She read the entire email twice, which was sent from the office of admissions and signed by the director.

And for the second time in two days—for something she loved dearly—she began to cry.

And both times into Fitz's chest.

"Awww, Olivia," he smiled, hugging her tight.

"I've wanted this for so long," she sniffled. "Sorry...I'm crying. All I do is cry lately—Jesus, I hate this, what is with me."

"That's okay," he chuckled, rubbing her arm. "I know how much this means to you! And in your defense...you've been through...a _lot_ lately."

She nodded into his chest, wiping her dumb tears away.

"Can I say...I told you?" he whispered, using his thumb to wipe her damp eyes.

"Yes, you can," she cried, hugging him.

"I _told you_," he whispered, kissing her lips. "You are the most intelligent, driven, amazing person I know. You deserve this so much."

"Thank you," she whispered, letting out a quiet sigh. "Thank you, Fitz."

"You are welcome," he nodded. "I'm so happy for you. _So_ happy for you. And so happy you're gonna be in my home state for...the rest of your life? Can I say it?"

"You can say it," she nodded with a laugh. "I am...never leaving. Well—aside from a few breaks here and there, maybe," she laughed.

"That's alright," he laughed. "But...this is where you belong."

"I think so too," she smiled, kissing his nose.

He smiled at her, and pressed his lips to hers again.

"I'm so proud of you," he said.

"Thank you," she replied gratefully.

"You gonna wait to tell your mom in person tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think so," she nodded with a smile. "Wow. I was not expecting today to be the day."

"Neither was I, but...I feel so happy for you," he said, kissing her face all over.

"Thank you," she giggled. "I feel so happy too, Fitz. I _really_ do."

"Good, baby. Good," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Whew," she sighed, wiping her face. "What a weekend this has been."

"Got _that_ right," he nodded. "What do you say we start to get ready to go and...I'll make you some celebratory breakfast when we get back?"

"That sounds perfect," she smiled, looking up at him. "Thank you."

"Mhm," he nodded. "Now you want to take a shower with me? Now that...we've seen some good news?"

_"Yes,"_ she nodded, pecking his lips.

"And should I...grab one of these?" he whispered, reaching for the box of condoms.

"Mmm," she smirked, kissing her way down his neck. _"Please."_

"Mmkay," he said, sneakily grabbing one, which made her giggle.

He turned off his alarm and she grabbed the hair binder she'd used last night to keep her hair up and out of the water's way.

Thankfully she was going to take her twists out soon, because she hadn't been able to properly care for them during this little hotel getaway. Oh well. It had been worth it.

Their shower was worth it too. She'd never had sex in the shower before, which was yet another thing he'd introduced her to this weekend.

That was fun. And slippery. And the fourth time she'd made Fitz come in the past six hours. That much she was very proud of.

It was also kind of nice to watch the sun begin to rise outside their window after their shower—with such a beautiful view.

Olivia wore her soft, white, hotel robe—partially hanging off her shoulders as she sat in bed, watching the colors of the sky change. And Fitz sat behind her, arms wrapped around her and chin on her shoulder.

She was sad to have to go that day. And she would have a lot to face when she returned. But she also had a lot to look forward to.

Going to NYU, and living her life in the city permanently. And the chance to do it all with the man she loved by her side—was just a semester away.

* * *

**And there you go. That was a lot to process! **

**I told y'all it was coming, and I hope you liked it.**

**They've got a ways to go yet, but that was certainly something. They've come a long way too.**

**Pretty messy, in typical ASA fashion. But they're working on it!**

**Thanks for the support, and stay safe.**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	16. Counting the Days

"Alright, Karen. Your turn again. Which one are you going to pick?" Mellie asked with a smile.

"Hmmm," Karen said, scanning her remaining presents. "This one!"

"Ohhh, that's a good one," Mellie nodded. "Isn't it, baby?"

He cringed on the inside, but he smiled on the outside, and nodded.

"That's right," he agreed, looking at the wrapped box that Karen held in her hands. He knew it was the jewelry box. He'd mostly picked that one out, which he was proud of.

"I can open?" Karen asked excitedly.

"You sure can, sweetie," Fitz nodded.

She tore through the wrapping paper excitedly, immediately seeing the small cardboard box that she had to open first.

When she opened it, she saw a tiny turquoise box with a white bow on it.

She gasped. "Mom has lots of these boxes!"

"That's very true, you got me," Mellie chuckled, smiling at Fitz.

He smiled too, focusing on Karen's bright, happy face.

"Tiffany & Co.," she read, turning the turquoise box around in her hand.

"You better see what's in there," Mellie smiled.

Karen pulled on the bow, smiling big, as she opened the box.

She took out a small turquoise velvet bag, and pulled it open. Inside, was a silver necklace—with a musical note pendant.

Karen gasped, holding it up proudly. "Oh—it's for my piano and my singing!"

"You're absolutely right," Fitz nodded.

"Because you're so musical and so talented!" Mellie agreed.

"Oh wow!" she said, unclasping it. "It is so pretty. Thank you!"

"You're welcome, honey," Mellie nodded.

"You're welcome. Here, you want me to put it on for you?" Fitz asked.

"Yes!" she nodded handing him the necklace.

Fitz knelt down on the ground behind her, fastening the necklace around Karen's neck. He leaned forward and kissed her cheek from behind.

"There you go. Very beautiful," he said.

"Thank you, daddy," she whispered, looking down at the beautiful silver pendant around her neck.

She turned and gave him a hug, which made Fitz smile as he held on to her.

She went to give Mellie an equally loving hug, and Fitz watched from afar. Thinking about how much he loved his little girl, and one woman who wasn't here right now. He thought about how much he'd love to have a Christmas celebration with her, too, on Christmas Eve,

Mostly he just wished to be with her and Karen. His two girls.

Not that their little family Christmas every year was bad. It was probably one of the easiest times to pretend with Mellie, just because it was a cheerful time, and Karen loved Christmas.

But this time was still harder than normal. Harder because he couldn't spend the day with that other girl he loved.

God he missed her. It hadn't even been long since he'd last been with her, and yet he was waiting patiently for the day she returned. He didn't even quite have a plan yet of when he'd get to see her. But even just having her back in New York, knowing she was there, would make him feel better.

He took a sip of his red wine, enjoying watching Karen open her remaining presents. It had been a pretty good night. Their Christmas Eve was always pretty low key. They went to a church service, had a nice dinner, exchanged between each other, and then to end the night, they'd set out cookies and milk for Santa that night. A very important part of the night for little K.

Karen also couldn't forget the carrots for the reindeer. She was always a big supporter of that.

After Fitz had successfully made sure Karen was asleep that night after all their festivities, he and Mellie began quietly putting out Santa's gifts under the tree, and filling up stockings. Of course, they filled up one for each family member; even Hank had a little stocking.

Fitz took a couple big bites out of the cookies, drank the milk, and let Hank snack on some of the carrots.

They did it all silently, and as soon as they were done, Fitz went immediately upstairs, without a word, to Mellie. Although she wasn't far behind him.

As soon as he was almost completely undressed before his shower, he walked back out in his briefs to grab some clothes to change into afterward.

She interrupted him, though.

"You gonna shower?" Mellie asked.

He turned to look at her, standing half-naked, wondering what else he could _possibly_ be going to do right now with the bathroom fan running and him grabbing clothes for afterward. But of course, he pushed his sassy thoughts aside, and didn't say that. He just nodded instead.

"Yes."

"You wanna delay that a bit?" Mellie asked, looking up and down his body.

He raised his eyebrow. "Uhhh...as in?"

"As in do you want to relieve a little holiday stress?" Mellie asked.

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"No."

Mellie tilted her head. "Seriously? How long can you actually go?"

_Surprise, he had sex three days ago._

Even if he hadn't, his answer still would have been a big fat no. The thought of sex with Mellie made him feel sick to his stomach, actually. The fact that he felt that way about his own wife, and even the conversation about sex with her made him now feel guilty in regards to _Olivia,_ told him everything was _so_ fucked up.

_Wow, _did he need out of this.

"I'm just fine, thank you," he said, heading back to the bathroom.

"We haven't had a consistent sex life in a long time, I _know _that, but _wow_. Has something...changed? I mean…you can't really expect to do it yourself and be satisfied for the _rest _of your life, can you?" Mellie asked sassily.

He sighed, looking back at her. "I'm not fighting with you tonight. We're not doing this on Christmas Eve. We're not going to wake up our child, or ruin her favorite holiday. Just not today."

Mellie rolled her eyes. "I wasn't trying to pick a fight with you."

"You weren't?" he asked. "Because your tone and disrespect say otherwise."

"Oh, _Lord_, Fitz," she laughed, shaking her head as if she found his statement funny. "You're right. We better quit while we're already behind."

"Glad we agree," he said, before he shut the door.

Ahhh yes. Silence.

He could tell she got snippy with him much quicker these days. She couldn't stand the things he said back to her now. They'd had fights throughout their entire marriage, but lately it had undoubtedly been different. He actually told her what was on his mind, without much of a filter. He didn't tiptoe. And he was gradually preparing himself to tell her in much more detail what was on his mind.

She was used to his silence, or at least, _much less_ talking back. Now, he could tell she was having a harder time responding to him. She just got upset, and rolled her eyes, as if she couldn't believe he was continuing to talk back. Like she wasn't sure what to say in these scenarios anymore.

He had a feeling she'd have _plenty_ to say when he started to actively bring up divorce, as well as...other things. But as he'd planned, those conversations were not for tonight.

In due time.

He took a quick shower and went immediately downstairs to the basement, passing a probably very annoyed Mellie on his way out of the bedroom.

He wasn't all that tired though, and he'd promised he'd make a call at some point tonight. A call to someone who was generally pretty worried about him, especially right now, with everything he had going on in the midst of a holiday.

"So how's your Christmas Eve been?" Abby asked.

"It's been...alright, actually. You know. As much as it can be for someone who's faking everything with his wife so his child can have a good Christmas. How about yours?" he asked casually, leaning back against his office chair.

Despite being two levels down and on the other end of the house with his office doors closed, he still made sure to speak quietly, out of an abundance of caution.

Abby sighed. "Well that wasn't very cheerful."

"Sorry," Fitz replied immediately with a laugh. "I'm sorry. You're right. It's Christmas, and it's been...good. Better than normal, I guess. Let's talk about you."

"Nah, I'm so boring compared to you," Abby replied.

They both laughed, and he shook his head. "No way. Seriously. How are you? How're your folks? And David?"

"Ohhh you know. We're all good. My uncle Bob got sloshed on egg nog today, my cousins' kid needed stitches in his head for running into a tree while sledding, and...my aunt Sharon almost spilled the beans that Santa wasn't real to my 7-year-old niece. All in one day. So You know. The usual crazy, Whelan family Christmas."

"Oh my God," Fitz chuckled, putting his hand up to his face. "That's the _opposite_ of boring, Abbs. I hope everyone is alright after these incidents!"

"Oh, that's quite normal for my insane family, but yes, everyone is all good," Abby laughed. "David's family is crazy too, so tomorrow when we get to his aunt's, I'm sure it will be another whirlwind of a day. Okay, now, on to you. What crazy, amazing, expensive gifts did you spoil your daughter with this year? I didn't even get the rundown before Christmas, we were both so busy!"

"I know, I know. Drinks soon?" he asked.

"You fucking got it," she nodded.

"Cool. So uh...let's see. K got a lot of new books," he began. "Some of which she hasn't opened yet. From Santa."

"Oh, of course, of course," Abby nodded.

"She got...a few new science kits. Some new piano books with harder music—just for fun."

"Ahh, _just for fun," _Abby laughed. "She is seriously the most talented 10-year-old I know."

"Yes, likewise, I will brag," he chuckled. "Let's see, what else. Um...a necklace with a music note pendant, from...Tiffany. A couple new pairs of shoes...lots of clothes. And...an iPad. A few more things I'm probably forgetting from Santa. We usually go...pretty big."

"Yowza," Abby said. "Let me guess, the iPad is for something school-related? She wants to...learn how to design an app? Or...do all her homework on it?"

"Ha," he chuckled. "Actually no. She's had...one of those iPad minis for a while, you know, but it's gotten pretty slow. So we just got her the newest Pro. I think she mostly wants to use it for...Tik Tik, or...whatever."

"Tik Tik?!" Abby exclaimed, bursting into laughter.

"Oh I don't know," he laughed. "That one video site thing that she says 'everyone watches' now."

"Yes Fitz, it's called Tik Tok," Abby giggled.

"Oh," he blushed, laughing at her. "I don't do social media, I don't know these things. All I know is you must dance a lot on it or something. She's asked me to do some dance challenge with her before, because apparently kids do it with their parents."

"And? What did you say?!" Abby asked.

"I politely said hell no," he chuckled. "Me? Dancing? That would be no good."

"I would pay money to see that, actually," Abby said.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," he chuckled.

"Well, those are wonderful gifts. She's pretty lucky."

Fitz sighed, looking down at the counter. "Yeah. In...in some ways."

"I'm sorry," Abby said immediately. "That was insensitive of me. I know...you're going through some things."

"No, no, no. You're fine," he shook his head. "Trust me, it's...it's not you. At all."

Abby audibly sighed over the phone. "How are you _really_, Fitz? I mean...dealing with Christmas and all that right now, while you're thinking the things you're thinking. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine," he shrugged. "Mostly I just feel like an even worse person for...all the pretending I'm doing now, and...how things are going to change after this. But I made a decision, and that's that."

"I hate when you say things like that about yourself," Abby said. "You know, if you say one more bad thing like that, I'm gonna have to come over there and smack you."

He started to laugh, which made her laugh too.

"That's not very nice," Fitz chuckled.

"Then be nice to _yourself_, you asshole!" Abby said.

"Fine. I'll try," he agreed.

"Thank you," Abby said. "Now what else. What else am I missing? Catch me up on your 'clusterfuck' of a life since the last time we talked."

Oh God. _That was gonna be a lot. _They hadn't talked since before he and Olivia's little...city sleepover.

"Well," he said, scratching his head. "Hmm."

"Come on, dude, it's not that hard."

"It's kind of hard, actually."

"No way. Come on. I'm not asking you to tell me all your R-rated personal thoughts or...you know, however much you have to touch yourself in the shower to get by these days. I'm just asking what's been going on with you! It's a simple question!" she said with a laugh.

He grew bright red, and was so thankful she couldn't see his face right now.

"What the hell," he said embarrassedly, scratching his head.

"Oh did I make your face go all red? Like, as red as my hair?" she asked.

He sighed, chuckling a bit. "Yes."

"You're so funny. It really does not take much to embarrass you."

"Well—you're talking about my...R-rated thoughts and...and how I spend my time in the shower—how am I not supposed to be embarrassed?!" he asked.

"You wouldn't be embarrassed if it wasn't true..." Abby said.

He could tell she was feeling _sooo_ proud on the other end.

He was silent on his end, though, which made her burst into laughter.

"Tell me I'm wrong, dude," she laughed.

He sighed. "Some women have this...this power. They just...they know these things," he said, confused as hell. "I don't understand."

Abby couldn't stop laughing. "It's really not that hard to figure out. I certainly don't expect you're going to be screwing Mellie anymore, so that ship has sailed."

"Yeah I turned her down tonight, actually," Fitz said.

"See, there we go. You won't even tell your Goddess that you love her so I also don't expect you're getting any from her. You're _definitely_ not the type of man to go get it from any other woman, or you would have done that years ago. So where the hell else are you going to get it? Nowhere. _However_. You're a man. With a penis. And I'm pretty sure men cannot go longer than a week, if even that, without an orgasm. So what does that leave? R-rated thoughts, and self-service in the _shower_, because where else are you gonna do it in a house with your wife and daughter. See? How accurate was I?"

His eyes were wide. Extremely wide.

"Um...mostly...accurate."

"Mostly?" Abby asked.

"Yeah..." he answered.

"Hmm, okay maybe you can last a _little_ longer than a week—_maybe_. But I know it's no longer than that, otherwise I'm not sure your dick would still work."

His eyes remained wide, but his face slowly turned red again.

Because now he was thinking about the last time he had sex. He was thinking about Olivia, watching her eyes roll back in her head because he was hitting it just right. He could almost feel that feeling of her walls clenching around him in response again. Feel her fingernails digging into his skin. He could almost hear her moans, and her pleading for him to keep going.

The act of watching her orgasm, something she'd never felt until _he_ was able to give it to her, was all that was going on in his head. He had to stop though; he had to do his best to push it out of his head or he was pretty sure he was going to end up with a raging boner.

But he still responded to Abby with the truth.

"Oh, trust me. It works."

Abby grew silent for a few moments, but then spoke up curiously.

"Hmm. Am I...taking that the wrong way, or..." she began, before pausing again. "Wait."

"Nope — waiting. we, uh...we absolutely did not do any more waiting," Fitz said.

Might as well get it out.

Abby was awestruck. "You...you and...Olivia? Wait, what?!"

Fitz smiled contently. Thinking about the night he'd spent at The Langham with Olivia. Again.

"Are you over there smiling right now? I can _feel_ you smiling!" Abby exclaimed.

Fitz threw his hand up in the air. "How?! What on earth is — how do you do that?"

But Abby wasn't the least bit interested in her apparent female psychic powers.

"Oh my God, you _so_ totally did it. You _totally_ screwed her."

"I wouldn't say...I _screwed_ her," Fitz said to extra quietly, shaking his head. "Well...okay, the, um...the third time might have been a little bit more aggressive."

"The third — _what!_ Oh my God! What did you and that sweet, beautiful Goddess do?" Abby inquired.

He exhaled, feeling his cheeks begin to show the embarrassment he now felt.

"Oh — do _not_ get all shy on me now. We're just getting to the good stuff! You can't leave me hanging after that!"

"I'm not actually going to talk about this," he laughed.

"I must know."

"You mustn't."

"I shall."

"You shan't."

She let out a loud sigh. "Ughh. I was so close to hearing it all. At least tell me how it was."

He smirked, all while he blushed, and nodded.

"It was the most amazing night of my life," he whispered.

"Ohhh my God," Abby shook her head. "My best friend _finally_ boned another woman. And not only that — a woman he _loves_. Thank the Lord! Wow. I am so happy. This is a fantastic day. And I bet _that_ was a fantastic day."

He smiled and nodded. "Yes."

"Olay, you need to at least give me _some_ details here because this is...groundbreaking?! Why aren't we celebrating? Come on. it's Christmas Eve and I deserve a wonderful, beautiful gift of such knowledge."

"Didn't I give you a spa gift card and a bottle of Dom Perignon?"

"Yes, because you're a wonderful man. Now give me the deets on you and your wonderful woman! You didn't tell me this and I'm honestly kind of mad at you for it!"

He chuckled at her. "Don't be mad. I was getting to it as I caught you up on my clusterfuck of a life. It only happened...not even a week ago. At...The Langham."

"The Langham?" Abby asked. "Well that was my next question, thank God it wasn't at your house. Why The Langham though?"

"Well...first off, it all kind of started when I told her how I felt, so then...we went somewhere to talk after she saw a broadway show with her friends. This was on...Friday night. I took her to Ai Fiore, because it's, like, one of my —"

"Favorite restaurants, right, but you _what?!_ So you _did_ tell her?" Abby asked.

"Sorry," Fitz winced. "Okay, let me...let me start over."

So he told her. He had to go back to the beginning, explaining that she'd been right about telling Olivia, and he was glad that he had. He was glad about it all, because he knew now, where she stood and how she felt. Before, he hadn't known, and it ate at him. Plus, he hadn't been able to know what his future held, and now he at least knew that she could be part of it.

Abby was quite happy to hear that he'd followed her advice, and she thought it was cute, how it had all gone down.

Plus, the hotel getaway definitely made her happy, along with Olivia's admission of love back to him.

She hadn't seen him happy like this, and now he was confessing his love and showing it, too. It was easy for him to feel that she was a proud best friend. She even told him so.

"Finally. _Finally_. You are really getting there, Fitz. I still remember back at the bar when you first told me about her. And back when I met her. You've...you've come so far. Both of you."

"I know," he nodded with a smile. "Still got a ways to go. But we have come far. And it...makes me happy. It's all stressful, but I know one day it'll all pay off. That's what's getting me through. The...happy, healthy life that I want."

"With _her,"_ Abby smiled. "Thank God."

Fitz smiled back. "Yeah. With her."

* * *

Fitz awoke with a start, remembering right away that it was Christmas Day.

The first thing he did was check his phone for the time, and any messages.

It was around 7:00 am, and he _did_ have one message so far, sent pretty early in the morning. From someone he loved.

**Olivia: Merry Christmas, smiley. I love you!**

He exhaled contently and immediately responded back.

**Fitz: Merry Christmas, Livvie. I love you so much. Counting the days until you're back.**

And before he laid in bed any longer, he decided he better go upstairs so that he was up when Karen came down for presents.

Ever since Olivia left, he'd started to sleep in the guest room she'd used. Mostly because he was getting tired of the couch, and he sure as hell wasn't going back to sleeping with Mellie.

Plus, Olivia's old room was the bigger room with the bigger bed, and closer to the bathroom, too. And, it was better than sleeping in the upstairs guest bedroom and having Karen potentially see or hear him. He still wasn't quite ready for that yet.

But Santa had come last night, so she would be downstairs somewhat early, and he had to be up there and ready. She wasn't the earliest riser, but since it was Christmas, she may be up in an hour or so. She was always pretty excited.

He made the bed quickly and went upstairs, greeting Hank who ventured to the main level shortly after he did.

"Hey bud," Fitz said, kneeling down to pet him. "Should we go outside? Why don't we do that."

His tail wagged ferociously as Fitz opened a deck door for him and he trotted out in the snow.

Fitz got his breakfast ready for the little pup and started brewing his coffee, which would be a necessity today.

It would be a long day.

Open some more presents this morning, then heading over to Mellie's mom's house for the day, before finishing the evening off at his own mother's house. It was quite the Christmas. But Karen loved the opportunity to see both sides of her family, and both sides of the family appreciated seeing all of them, too. It was a win-win, for the most part. Just a long day, hence the coffee.

Mellie awoke not too long after, eager for coffee too, so he had to brew some more. There was only about a quarter pot left by the time she got downstairs.

Karen was the last one down, actually. But that didn't slow her excitement down.

"You better go look in the living room!" Fitz said, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, it's a pretty wonderful sight in there!" Mellie agreed.

"Okay!" she nodded, disappearing to go look at the festive scene that always was Christmas morning.

That excited face would never get old. Even as she grew older, and the "magic" of Santa and Christmas died down a little for her, he had a feeling it would always be her favorite.

She was exactly the kind of girl that loved Christmas music right after Thanksgiving ended, and wanted decorations up immediately. So naturally, he tended to enjoy the holiday simply because she did.

He also was an avid Thanksgiving lover, which would never change. It was an underrated holiday in his mind. But once it was over, he didn't mind getting right into the Christmas spirit.

They certainly showed lots of Christmas spirit that day. With gift opening in the morning—all three of them, plus Hank. Then, heading to grandma Maggie's to celebrate with Mellie's family.

That was the most dreaded part for Fitz, although he hid his feelings well. He had to sit through hours of pretending and feeling out of place. The pretending, he'd gotten quite used to, of course. The feeling out of place, not so much.

It wasn't necessarily that he didn't feel liked by Mellie's family; it was quite the opposite, actually. He was pretty sure they liked him a great deal. They also didn't know everything there was to know about his and Mellie's marriage. All they saw was the good stuff. But they seemed to like him.

To Fitz, though, he just didn't feel that they all clicked. He had known all this time that he didn't belong. That it wasn't the perfect marriage—that he and Mellie didn't truly live up to the image that Mellie wanted to live up to. Perhaps his own knowledge about it being fraudulent made him feel out of place. All he knew was he was just never comfortable there, and didn't feel like a part of the family.

But Karen loved going to grandma Maggie's. So Fitz couldn't really complain too much. Plus, there were some younger cousins for her to play with and hang out with on Mellie's side, whereas his side of the family—not so much. He was at least thankful for she had that.

The last part of the day, though. That was a great way to end Christmas, in his opinion. To head on over to his mom's for Christmas dinner. To open gifts with his side of the family. It was a much smaller gathering at his mother's house.

Aside from his mom, there was his aunt Jill and uncle Nick, his cousin Wyatt and his family, which included his wife and their newborn daughter, and then his cousin, Mallory.

But not everyone spent the night, so by the time the evening began to die down, some of his family members started to leave.

Even if briefly, he appreciated getting to see his cousins. His aunt and uncle were staying the night, so he would get another night and morning with them.

The person he was most happy to talk to that night, though, was none other than his wonderful mother.

After the kitchen had been mostly cleaned, and everyone else was off getting ready for bed, or in Karen's case, reading one of the books she got as a gift, Fitz was left with just his mother in the kitchen. Enjoying actually being able to catch up, now that it was just the two of them, and she wasn't entertaining and they weren't eating, or opening gifts.

He caught her up on the usual. Work. Karen. Mellie's work. Abby—whom she had always loved. And then Olivia got mentioned as well. He'd tried to steer clear of the topic, just not even sure what to say at that point yet. But she brought it up herself.

"So...that wonderful young woman staying with you. Olivia. How is she doing?" Jean asked.

"Uh, she's...she's good, yeah," Fitz nodded. "She won't actually be staying with us anymore, going forward. She'll still be at UNIS, just...living in one of the city residences. It was...kind of always her dream to live in the city, anyway."

Jean nodded curiously, but looked sad. "Well, I commend her for all she's doing here. She is clearly an adventurous, brave, incredibly smart young woman. And I'm so glad she is truly living out her dream! But...I suppose it will be sad, not hosting her anymore?"

"Um...yeah," he agreed. "Karen took it pretty hard. She's better about it now, she understands it was what Olivia...wanted to do. But she loves her a lot, and will miss her."

Jean eyed him slowly, nodding. "Uh-huh."

He almost felt as though her look was suspicious. Like she was trying to figure something out without asking.

_Okay, please no more female psychic powers...please, just not yet._

But just then, there was some ruffling and both Mellie and Karen headed down the stairs together, coming to say goodnight.

"We came to say goodnight! I think miss K's pretty tired," Mellie laughed, putting her hand on the top of Karen's head.

Karen shrugged. "Only 'cause I was reading. Dad, dad, guess how far I got in 'Gregor the Overlander'?"

"How far?" he asked with a smile.

"To page 49! It is very easy for me to read. But it is so good, dad. The best!" she nodded, coming in for a hug.

"I'm glad, sweetheart," he chuckled, leaning down for a hug too.

"Santa must have gotten your list, huh?" he smirked. "He must know all those books you want to read."

"Yeah," she giggled, accepting the kiss he planted on her cheek. "Goodnight, dad. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas K," he said with a smile. "I love you. Sleep tight."

"I love you too," she said, pulling away and heading over to her grandma to say goodnight.

Mellie said goodnight to Jean as well, graciously hugging her and thanking her for the great night as Karen pulled back.

Karen started heading toward the staircase, but waited slightly for her mom to come in that direction too.

So naturally, Mellie wrapped her arms around Fitz and pressed her lips to his. Which, he reciprocated fully. Because his mother and Karen were right there.

"Night, baby," Mellie said, pecking his lips again.

"Goodnight, Mell," he nodded. "I'll be down in a bit."

"Okay," she smiled, giving one last wave to Jean, before heading toward the stairs too. Wonderful acting.

Meanwhile, Fitz was internally cringing.

Any sort of show of affection with Mellie anymore was even more difficult for him because he loved someone else.

At least before Olivia had come into the picture, it had been bearable. He didn't have an excessive reason to hate it, he just knew he didn't love it.

_Now_ he hated it.

But he kept a pleasant look on his face as he turned back to his mother, so they could continue their conversation. At least, he hoped it looked pleasant.

Jean studied Fitz, before speaking up.

"How are you doing, son? How are you _really_ doing?"

"I'm...good, mom. I'm good. Why do you ask?" he asked.

"I can't ask how my boy's doing?" she asked back.

"Of course you can. It just seemed like...you think I'm doing worse than I'm letting on," he said.

"Are you?" she asked.

"No..." he answered, shaking his head.

She gave him an uncertain look. "Hmm. Fitzgerald, do you know I can read you like a map?"

"Uhh," he chuckled, shaking his head nervously.

"Mmmhm. See. Now you're anxious," she said, reading his face.

He rolled his eyes. "Mom. I'm always—"

"Always anxious, I know, darling. Just like your grammy Mae was. But there's not something else going on? Something you haven't told me?"

He sighed, looking at her intently. So much for avoiding that.

_Should he say something? No. Yes? Ugh._

"Well. What if...there was?" he asked.

She shrugged casually. "Then...you can tell me or not, that part doesn't matter to me as much. If you're comfortable enough, or want some motherly advice, then by all means. But you don't have to tell your good old mother everything — I certainly know I never told _my_ parents everything. My main concern is just that you are _okay_, Fitz. Just tell me if you are _okay_, because I've gotten the feeling that you are _not."_

He sighed. "I'm fine, mom. I am."

She raised an eyebrow at her son. "Did you not hear me when I said I could read you like a map?"

He started to laugh quietly, which made her laugh a little bit too.

"I'm not saying...there's isn't something else going on with me," he nodded. "But I'm saying I'm fine. I will be fine. People are so worried about _me_...trust me, I should be the _least_ of anyone's worries."

He felt like the problem, really.

She looked at him questioningly.

"You are my son. My only child. My boy. _Of course_ I am going to worry about you, Fitzgerald. And guess what, you are in absolutely no position to tell me not to. Because you are the most important thing to me in the world. You and my sweet little granddaughter. Always. You hear me?" she asked.

He smiled, nodding at her. "I hear you, mom."

"You will always be my number one. Always my main concern, and I will always be on your side. You're just going to have to deal with it, honey, I'm sorry."

"That's...very sweet of you, mom," he chuckled, leaning down to give her a hug. "I love you lots."

"I love you too," she said, patting his back. "My boy. My sweet boy. I don't care what it is. I'm always going to support you, because I know you. I know what a wonderful man you are, Fitzgerald."

He looked at her appreciatively, and nodded.

"Thanks, mom."

"Mmhm," she smiled. "Now who else has been worrying about you?"

"Oh. Just...Abby. You know how she can be," he shrugged.

He decided it was best to leave out Olivia on that one...

Jean nodded understandingly. "Well, there's a reason I love her so much. She's always cared so much about you, Fitzgerald. A true friend, really. How are she and her husband doing these days?"

"They're great," he smiled. "Yeah, hopefully, I can get something planned with both of them soon. Last I heard they were having a pretty fun, crazy Christmas."

"Well _good," _Jean laughed. "I'm glad to hear it. Give them my best, will you?"

"Of course I will," he nodded.

She nodded back contently.

He sighed, looking around the kitchen and into the vast living room. Full of Christmas decorations and leftover wrapping paper still.

"It was a good Christmas."

"Yes, it was," Jean nodded, patting Fitz's back. "I'm always sad when they come to an end."

"Me too," he nodded, wrapping his arm around his mother's shoulder. "You tired?"

"You know, I am," she nodded. "Hosting is kind of tiring!"

"I bet!" he chuckled. "Why don't you head to bed, mom. I'll clean up a bit."

"Well!" she scoffed. "I certainly can do it, Fitz, there's no need."

"Mom," he said. "You're tired, go to bed! You've had a long day. There isn't much to pick up anyway. Just let me take care of it."

"Oh, Fitzgerald, are you sure?" she asked uncertainly.

"Positive," he nodded. "I have to take Hank out to the bathroom anyway."

She sighed, looking around with a nod. "Well thank you, honey. I do appreciate it."

"No problem at all, mom. Thank you for a great Christmas. We always love to come see you and spend time here."

"Ohhh," she said, leaning in for another hug. "Me too."

He chuckled, hugging her tightly back. "Goodnight, mom."

"Goodnight, my boy. Hey — bright and early, I'll have our coffee ready."

"Sounds great," he nodded, as she pulled away.

"See you in the morning!"

"See you in the morning," he replied, as she headed upstairs to bed.

He sighed, looking around the kitchen. It was mostly clean, but the dishwasher could be loaded with a few more things and the counters could be wiped off.

So that's exactly what he did. And after that, he went out to the living room and picked up some of the extra wrapping paper lying around, and packed up some of the gifts Karen had gotten this evening.

As he cleaned and packed up, he had an idea.

He pulled out his phone to text Olivia.

They hadn't been texting since this morning after they wished each other a Merry Christmas, both knowing beforehand that they'd be busy. But he figured now, at almost 11:30 his time, she may be less busy. Either that, or she'd be asleep, which was fine. She could wake up to a text from him if that was the case.

**Fitz: Hey you. **

He turned on vibrate and slipped it in his pocket as he finished up the living room so that he'd feel it if she responded.

And he felt it vibrate after a few minutes, which brought a smile to his face.

**Olivia: Hey you!**

**Fitz: How are you? How's your Christmas been?**

He went to see if Hank wanted to go outside one last time, and right away at Fitz's words, he got up and wagged his tail as if to say "of course I do!"

He currently had his travel kennel all set up in the living room, so it was where he'd been lounging for a few hours.

Fitz bundled up and took him outside to pee quickly, and then brought him in and started shutting off lights on the main level. The only thing was now, he was texting Olivia.

Not only that, but he didn't want to go downstairs yet.

So he kept a hallway light on, and settled down on the couch with the drink he still had, and pulled out his phone to read her most recent response.

**Olivia: I'm good! It's been a great day. How about you?**

**Fitz: Good. Miss you though. **

**Olivia: I miss you too. **

He sighed, looking down at the screen longingly.

**Fitz: Wish I could kiss you goodnight and tell you I love you in person. **

**Olivia: Me too. I wish a lot of things. But you can tell me now, since you can't in person. :)**

He smiled, laughing internally.

**Fitz: I love you. So much.**

**Olivia: How much?**

**Fitz: More than our love for coffee combined.**

**Olivia: Oh my! I am one lucky girl, because by my calculations, that's a LOT!**

His smile couldn't be contained, as he looked down at the screen.

**Fitz: Told you. I meant what I said. **

**Olivia: I love you too, Fitz. I can't wait for that kiss, by the way. **

He ran his fingers through his hair and bit his lip.

**Fitz: Me too. Just think about our most recent night together. Tides you over.**

**Olivia: Hmm...which part should I be thinking about? **

He started to smirk and wondered how interesting this conversation could get on Christmas night, while his family currently slept in different parts of his mother's house. He decided it probably wasn't the best time to get dirty over text. Or, as dirty as he could, considering he'd never even done that before. However, he would still tell the truth.

**Fitz: Every part. All of it was amazing, both the morning and the night.**

**Olivia: You've got that right, baby.**

**Fitz: God I miss you. Maybe we can call soon?**

**Olivia: Absolutely. We'll have to find a time that works for us in the next couple days. Miss your voice.**

**Fitz: Yes, let's do that. Please. Miss your voice too.**

**Olivia: Sounds good. Unfortunately I'm fighting off sleep right now, I can barely keep my eyes open! Can I text you tomorrow?**

**Fitz: Of course, I don't want to keep you up. Sleep well.**

**Olivia: Thanks, you too. Goodnight, smiley.**

**Fitz: Goodnight, baby. I love you.**

**Olivia: I love you too.**

* * *

Olivia's holidays had gone pretty similarly to Fitz's. She'd spent her Christmas Eve and Christmas with her mom, her uncle Frankie, his girlfriend, Anne, and her grandfather, Sam. Then, they'd gone to see her dad's parents on Christmas Day. She and her mom still had a great relationship with his parents, all of them having come together because of the wonderful man that was her dad.

Olivia knew them more than she knew their son, her own father. It made her sad. But also, she was grateful his parents were still alive for her to have a relationship with. It felt like he was still with them that way. And from the pictures she'd seen of her dad, his dad, Joseph, was the spitting image of him, just older.

They really enjoyed seeing Olivia and Marie as often as possible as well. Olivia was their grandchild after all, and they still treated Marie like their daughter-in-law after all these years. Truly, she still was.

Olivia and Marie had also been working at Marie's restaurant a lot. Olivia had been balancing it enough to where it was still a nice break from school and she got some free time, but worked enough hours to where she'd have a nice paycheck in a couple weeks. Plus, her best friend always spent a good portion of her winter break up at her grandmother's house for an extended stay, so she couldn't exactly hang out with her. Although, she did go chill with a few of her other high school friends she hadn't seen since the summer.

But on the night of the 26th, Olivia was pretty pumped. Because Shawn was coming over to stay, after finally coming back from her grandma's.

"Girllll!" Shawn shouted, closing Olivia's front door behind her.

Olivia gasped from her bedroom. "Shawn?"

"Mmmhm. Ya girl's coming, don't even sweat it," Shawn said, making her way across the house to Olivia's bedroom. Olivia could hear it.

"Oh my God, _finally," _Olivia shouted. "I was about to call up your grandma Wanda and tell her to send your ass back home!"

_"My_ ass?" Shawn exclaimed, stopping in Olivia's doorway. _"Your_ ass been the one in New York City for half a damn year!"

"And I've been waiting for you back home in this freezing ass state for five days!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Ayyyeee!" Shawn exclaimed, coming to hug her. "Missed you these past weeks, Liv."

"Missed you too! How was your grandma's house?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, you know. It was alright. Good to see the fam, I always miss them throughout the year. Christmas is the best. But also gets kinda long when you up there for almost a week. Glad to be home again. How about you, how was your Christmas?"

"It was great," Olivia nodded. "Had a great day with my family too."

"Oh good, good. Your mama at the restaurant?"

"Mhm," Olivia nodded. "Thankfully I have the night off."

"Thankfully. I was gonna whoop your ass if you didn't, cause I missed you!"

Olivia laughed. "I'm honored. You came here before you went to see Marcus even!"

"Oh hell. I see that pretty boy all the time — thank you Jesus. But I don't see you all the time, so that boy's just gonna have to wait!"

"Now I'm even _more_ honored. I bet he missed you the past few days too."

"Yeahhh, he says so," Shawn smiled. "Were gonna have breakfast tomorrow."

"Aw, good!" Olivia said, sitting back down on her bed.

Shawn joined her, looking around Olivia's messy room. "By the way, I love you, but it looks like a tornado hit this room."

"I know," Olivia laughed, looking around. "I'm not on break for very long so I'm just trying to get ahead and...plan on what I'm bringing back to the city. My room now will be much smaller, so it'll be a struggle."

"Ughh, no more walk-in closet, or bathroom to yourself," Shawn said, giving her a sad look.

"Nope, no more," Olivia shook her head. "But, I _did_ just find out today what residence I got. It's pretty nice, actually, I was able to see pictures. I mean, it's tiny. But it's an en suite-style, so I only have to share a bathroom with one girl. Her name is Greta."

"Okay, now see, that is nice. Your own room, shared bathroom with one person, even if it's tiny, I mean oh well! It's just for you anyway! And if you got some visitors — that's okay. Nice and snuggly — ain't no problem."

"Mmhm..." Olivia smiled, feeling herself blush. "Visitors."

Shawn nodded, but began to give her an odd look.

"Girl..."

"...Girl..." Olivia laughed back.

"Okay, now I assume you ain't gettin' all weird and blushy about Greta comin' to visit you or somethin'."

Olivia burst into laughter, shrugging at her best friend.

"Hey, you never know, Greta could be amazing," Olivia said. "I sure hope she is."

"Uh-huh, yeah, whatever, so what on earth did I miss?" Shawn asked, snuggling up next to her.

Olivia smiled as she looked down at her comforter, trying to figure out the right words to explain to her friend the magic that was last weekend. She'd purposefully waited to tell her in person, not while she'd been away at her grandparents. Only now that she was in the moment, all she could do was sit there and blush like an idiot.

Luckily, she was saved from having to find the words to explain, from a message notification that popped up on her phone.

All Shawn needed to see was who it was from, to start piecing things together about who potential "visitors" could be.

The name on her screen was "Fitz".

Shawn's eyes instantly widened and she looked back and forth between the name and Olivia.

So then Olivia started looking back and forth too, and the blushing increased.

Turned out Shawn didn't have any words either. All she had was a scream.

"Ahhhh!" Shawn exclaimed, grabbing Olivia's arm.

Olivia immediately put her hand over her mouth, smiling against her palm with slight embarrassment.

"What have I missed, bitch?!" Shawn exclaimed.

"A decent amount, actually," Olivia said with a sigh. But she still smiled.

"And you haven't told me?!" Shawn asked.

"Hey, I was waiting to tell you in person!" Olivia shrugged.

"Okay, well tell away! Fill me in!" Shawn said.

"Okay," Olivia laughed. "Well...um. The last couple nights before I left New York...I was made aware of something. Or...well, a lot of things."

"Like?" Shawn asked excitedly.

Olivia smiled and looked around for something that would give Shawn a pretty good summary.

Her eyes landed on the wonderful book next to her on her nightstand — she couldn't seem to keep it far away these days. "Jane Eyre."

Olivia handed it to Shawn, feeling her cheeks just as warm as before. That had become pretty normal these days too.

Shawn stared at it curiously.

"Okay, Liv, you know I love you and all your nerdy traits but for the love of God, I don't read anything longer than the baking directions on a box of brownies."

"Flip to the last page. The one that's bookmarked," Olivia laughed, shaking her head.

"Ahh! See! Now this I'm good at. Directions," Shawn nodded, flipping to the bookmarked page.

Olivia cracked up as she watched her friend scan the page.

She could see the exact moment that she found the handwriting.

Her eyes got big again and she inched her glasses down to the bridge of her nose.

"Now wait a goddamn second —"

Olivia gave her an "I know!" look and nodded.

"He lent you this...?"

Olivia nodded.

"And he wrote...?"

Olivia nodded again.

"In his stupid ass precious male handwriting..."

Olivia nodded while also laughing again.

Shawn's mouth dropped. "Oh my God. Oh my God."

"That's exactly what I said when I read it," Olivia laughed quietly.

She had to give Shawn some context, too, just to remind her; about their little deal. That he would lend her any book she wanted to read, as long as she finished "Jane Eyre."

Because you shouldn't stop short of something, if you didn't want to miss out on something incredible.

And she showed him what he'd written when he'd given the book to her.

**Whatever you do, just make sure you read till the end this time. It's important.**

Shawn looked, shocked, back down at the handwriting on the last page again.

"Girl whatttt," Shawn said, beginning to wipe her eyes. "He even told you in such a nerdy fashion I'm literally gonna start crying up in this bitch!"

"Also — exactly what I did," Olivia giggled, smiling at Shawn.

"Oh my — I can't even believe this! I mean, not the fact that he loves your ass — join the club — but that he _told_ you and...and shit! Well then what? What happened? What did you tell him?!" Shawn asked.

"I...told him the truth," Olivia shrugged. "I told him I loved him too."

"Ahhhhh!" Shawn exclaimed. "And then?"

"And then," Olivia began with a laugh. "And then...he told me some other things. About...leaving her. And wanting to be with me. We talked about...our future, Shawn. We don't really know what it looks like. All we know is...we love each other and his marriage isn't a marriage. He's going to...make some steps toward leaving. For real."

Shawn sat there, wide-eyed, and with an open mouth. Again.

"Mister shy man figured out his shit!" Shawn exclaimed. "Holy mother fuck — mister shy man out here makin' decisions and confessin' in books. Someone come get him! Damn!"

"I was...not expecting it whatsoever," Olivia shook her head. "He made me sob. Everything he said...I mean, we couldn't stop saying the words that weekend. We still can't stop saying the words — neither of us have felt it, you know? It's just...it's so amazing, Shawn. He just makes me feel like I haven't ever felt before. And knowing I do the same to him...that's something. I can't even describe it."

"Damn right that's something! That's what he needs, that's what he's been missin'! You showed him, Liv. That's my girl! Shit!" Shawn exclaimed.

Olivia smiled, feeling slightly embarrassed as she proceeded on.

"Are you gonna ask...'and then' again?"

Shawn grew excited. "Ohhh bitch. You mean there's more?!"

Olivia nodded, a smile present on her face.

"There's more."

"Ohhh shit. Let me settle on in here," she said, grabbing a blanket and snuggling under it. "Alright, go on. I'm ready, I think. Depending on what it is."

Olivia nodded and briefly went over how she had gone to see "Wicked" with her friends, which Shawn had known about for a while. But what happened after the show, Shawn didn't know.

And she was intrigued the minute Olivia mentioned the dessert place they went to talk things through at, which was in The Langham hotel.

"Now wait a minute. Is this night going where I think it's going or do I just have a dirty ass mind? You said hotel — my thoughts instantly went somewhere."

Olivia tapped her fingers on her lips. "Hmmm."

Shawn started smacking the comforter. "You! You did not!"

"Ummm," Olivia laughed, feeling the warmth return to her cheeks.

"For real? Legit?" Shawn asked.

Olivia nodded silently, feeling the smile spread across her face.

"At a bougie ass hotel?"

"Uh-huh," Olivia nodded.

"Okay — whew. Let me...let me catch my breath here," Shawn said. "Damn!"

"Damn is right," Olivia nodded, biting her lip. "I mean...Jesus."

"Yeah?" Shawn asked, growing excited. "Are we talking..._good_ good?"

Olivia nodded, eyes wide._ "Good_ good."

"How good? A girl needs to know," Shawn inquired, leaning closer.

Olivia tried to find the right words to describe, but there were so many details swirling around in her mind. So many visuals, and images that would never leave. Thankfully.

And, that had only been one night. Their first night. She still had so much to explore with him—something she'd literally had dreams about. Quite dirty dreams.

She settled on something that had blown her mind, because he'd done it with such ease.

"Let's just say...I'd never quite experienced some things that he made me...experience," Olivia said suggestively.

Shawn got up from Olivia's bed, letting out an excited "ouuu!"

She stood there, with her palm against her mouth, looking questioningly at Olivia.

"You talkin'..." she began, before mouthing "big" and shaping her fingers into an "O."

Olivia nodded with a smirk. "More than once."

"Oouuuu!" Shawn exclaimed, starting to do a little dance by Olivia's bed.

Olivia laughed as she watched Shawn move her hips and dance in very clear excitement for her friend.

"Ohh, mister shy man out here with that stroke gameee!" Shawn exclaimed, putting her hand to her chest.

Now Olivia was really blushing, but she was more so just dying of laughter at her friend.

"Wow. Girl — congratulations. Seriously, congrats. That right there — is an anomaly. Your first night, too? And he was out here showing you what you were missin'? Providing you with that magic D? That's it. That right there, is _it."_

_"Yeah_ it was," Olivia nodded. "It was amazing. It was...seriously, I was a little nervous, just because...it had been a while for me. And he made me feel so calm. And then...just going that far with him. Especially after telling each other how we really felt...I'm never going to forget that night."

"Well hell no! Not after all that. Are you kidding? He's so...quiet? And...and shy, too — but he's out here with _big_ moves?! A gentleman about it all and _generous_, too. _Giving_. Mmmhm. That's it right there."

Olivia giggled. "He is quiet and shy. But as you said...big moves. And I mean...I'm only basing this off of one night, we certainly haven't done everything in the book or anything, so...I was very..."

"Satisfied?" Shawn smirked.

"...Yes," Olivia laughed. "And...I was generous, too, by the way, if I do say so myself."

Shawn gave her a look and smirked. "Oh were you now?"

"I was," Olivia nodded. "Look — he's a quiet man. But he certainly wasn't quiet that night. Or that morning."

Shawn's eyes opened completely and she put her hand up to her mouth.

"My fucking bitchhh," Shawn said, starting to clap her hands. "Delicious. Fantastic. Exquisite. I am enjoying myself so much right now."

"I figured you would be," Olivia laughed.

"I mean look at you! Out here giving that man handies in the dark, fucking him in bougie hotels, showing him what he's been missin' and shit. Ooooeee!" Shawn exclaimed.

Olivia shook her head with a laugh.

"Well girl, that sounds like the most perfect night ever, especially your last night stayin' with him and everything," Shawn nodded.

"It was," Olivia said, looking down at her bed with a smile. "He is so perfect to me."

"Well shit, he's perfect to me, too. Can we run down the list again? Woke, rich, nice, a good cook, super hot, and actually knows what to do with his cock? Does he have a brother?"

"Unfortunately, no," Olivia laughed. "He's an only child, like yours truly."

"Damn," Shawn shook her head. "Well—that's okay. I got a man, and _he_ clearly got all these perfect genes rolled into one person. And that person that is _yours."_

"Yeah," Olivia smiled. "I already miss him like crazy. I've literally slept in his shirt every single night," she said, fishing a T-shirt she had of his out from under the pillow next to her.

All it was, was a dark gray T-shirt. There was nothing special about it, other than the fact that it was his and it faintly smelled like him. She'd practically stolen it from him as he was changing back at his house the morning she'd left to come home. She had only been playing around, but he had told her to keep it for real, and she hadn't complained. So here it was, with her in North Dakota.

"Aww! That's so cute, Liv. It's so big, oh my Jesus," Shawn said. "Wow — that sounded dirty as fuck, sorry not sorry."

Olivia burst into laughter but pointed Shawn with a smirk. "I mean...that too."

"Girrrrl," Shawn laughed, raising her eyebrows.

Olivia shrugged and gave Shawn a smile. "Anyways. Yes. He is quite large. I mean, just...a lot of muscle really. That, and he towers over me."

"Damn. How tall is the man?" she asked.

"6'1", maybe 6' 2"," Olivia answered.

"Ohhh the Lord _really_ blessed him. Can he get any better? Seriously. Time to add height to this man's amazing list."

"He is amazing," Olivia nodded proudly.

Any chance she got to talk him up, she was doing it. It was crazy how much she loved him.

"Well, you got the shirt to keep him on your mind. And clearly, you must text a lot too, right?" Shawn asked, gesturing to Olivia's phone.

"Yeah," Olivia smiled, looking at her phone. They both looked at the screen as she unlocked her phone to see what he'd said.

**Fitz: Hi you. How was work?**

Shawn smiled. "Girl, he is so cute."

"He's extremely cute," Olivia nodded, texting him back.

**Olivia: Hi you! Work was good. How are you doing?**

He was texting back within an instant.

Shawn raised her eyebrows.

"Oh girl. He is _hooked. On. You,"_ Shawn said, putting her hand up to her mouth. "You've got that man textin' you back in .2 seconds."

Olivia was laughing, texting her response. "We both do that."

**Fitz: I'm glad work was good. I'm good. Started to read that book you recommended because I was missing you.**

Olivia blushed, shutting her phone off as Shawn went nuts.

"My Lord! This man! I can't handle your guy's nerdy cuteness. You know who he reminds me of?" Shawn asked.

"Who?" Olivia laughed.

"Them white boys singing those love songs that girls go crazy about," Shawn said.

"What?" Olivia asked, bursting into laughter.

"Oh you know what I'm talking about. I don't know. Lewis Capaldi. James Arthur. Ed...motherfucking Sheeran. You know. They're a very specific breed," Shawn said.

"I think that's a compliment?" Olivia laughed.

"It is. Hey, I won't lie...I've listened to my fair share of white boys singing love songs. I am not ashamed," Shawn said, which made Olivia laugh. "He just seems like the romantic type. I mean, for the love of sweet Jesus, he told you he loved you at the end of a damn classic novel."

"Yes," she nodded with a laugh. "He's pretty cute. Definitely has a romantic side."

"It shows," Shawn smiled, nodding down to Olivia's phone. "You better text that precious man back right this second."

"I will, you're making me nervous!" Olivia laughed, fiddling with her phone.

"Girl, fine, I won't look!" Shawn said, covering her eyes, which made Olivia giggle. "I'm just happy you two are texting back and forth when you're gone. Clearly, your asses are too hooked on each other not to."

"You can look," Olivia laughed, sending him a text back before putting her phone down. "And yes. We're both pretty busy but we do whenever we have the chance. We're even trying to find a time to call. I've gotta just...keep an eye out for my mom when I do, considering she knows who Fitz is and...obviously I'm not ready for her to know that I'm calling him. And texting him. And...in love with him. And...you know, he has a wife he has to basically hide from. So trust me, we've very clearly still got...our issues."

"Yeah. But who doesn't?" Shawn asked. "I mean, seriously, who doesn't have their issues. Everyone's got somethin' goin' on. And your guys' situation is difficult. Very difficult. But y'all are already proving my theory. Y'all are ending up together. Mhm."

Olivia smiled. "Thanks, Shawn."

"Oh, that ain't no problem. I'm here for all of this. So here for it. I want my best friend to be happy and mister shy man does that."

Olivia couldn't help but smile, but she also couldn't help but show some other things she felt too.

She felt nervous about it all. Scared. And above those things, she felt bad. She wondered if a part of her always would.

"I want to feel happy too, Shawn. I really do. And so does he, and that's really big for him, because seriously, I don't know if he's ever really done anything for himself. But this time...he is. And we both want it. I love him, and he loves me. But it's just...it's hard, too, you know? I'm still...playing a part in separating his family, and that's...really hard not to think about. I'm happy about our relationship and our steps forward. I can't say I regret it, because I love him, and I want him. But I still feel bad when I think of the bigger picture. Our story isn't some perfect love story and never will be. It involves...a lot of hardship and decisions that aren't...the most honorable. At all."

Shawn nodded, as if she understood and recognized her feelings. But she shook her head too.

"Liv, this decision ain't just good for you two. It's gonna be good in the end for _everybody_ involved. The bigger picture, like you said. I just know it. Maybe it'll take some time or whatever, that's fair. But also — if he figured out his shit, that means he knows it wasn't gonna work out, regardless of you. He loves you and wants to be with you, but it's not like you're the sole reason he thinks he's gotta leave. He knows he's gotta anyway. This ain't you comin' in and tearing up a family or somethin'. It was already broken, and even little K's been startin' to realize that, based on what you've told me. And Mellie will realize it too," Shawn said. "I ain't ever had shame in hoping you two would end up together, and neither should you, because _everybody_ involved is missin' out on a life that this current situation is holdin' 'em back from. Period."

Olivia tilted her head and smiled at her friend.

"Well...thank you, Shawn," she said. "Thank you. That was...really deep."

"Wasn't it?" Shawn asked. "I know, I was proud of that. Feel free to quote me on it. I meant every damn word."

"I will. Maybe I'll write a book about my crazy life in New York City so far and it'll be the one you actually read," Olivia said.

Shawn burst into laughter, smacking her thigh. "Now that's it right there! I _would_ read it! You are highly entertaining to me."

"Are you high right now?" Olivia laughed, raising an eyebrow.

"No!" Shawn exclaimed. "I'm serious! Although, I do _wish_ I was high. But my mama took my dab pen, so. I'm figuring out my other options currently."

"Oh my God," Olivia laughed, shaking her head. "Well, I appreciate it. You're extremely entertaining to me too. I want you to meet Fitz. He'd love you."

Shawn gasped, putting her hand to her chest. "Awww. Mister shy man would love me?"

"Uh-huh. If you start joking with him and laughing, he'll start to come out of his shell. You'll...you'll start to see his smile, which is so contagious," Olivia said, smiling big. "You'd make him laugh a lot."

"I bet _you_ make him laugh a lot," Shawn giggled.

"He tells me I'm funny a lot, actually, yes," Olivia laughed. "So it makes me want to make him laugh more because...what a wonderful sound. I told him once that every time he laughs, a baby is born."

Shawn started to giggle and shake her head. "That's cute. I would _love_ to meet your man. Your Fitz. Or...wait, I'm blanking, what's that nickname you've got for him again?"

* * *

"Smiley."

Fitz smiled back at her pretty face, hearing her call him that name of hers. All with a big smile on her face, too — that made it even better.

"Livvie."

He could feel her hand in his. He could see her beautiful, petite body right in front of him.

"Livvie...Livvie."

And just like that, the image of her sweet self faded from his vision, and he slowly awoke from his night's sleep.

His eyes fluttered open, as he looked around the room he was in.

Her old room.

His dream felt so cruel, because she wasn't actually there with him. He couldn't actually hear her call him her own nickname, and he couldn't actually talk back to her.

In due time. She'd be back soon.

The problem was, he just didn't know how he was going to see her when she did get back. He grew anxious just thinking about it. How they'd make it work. Where they would see each other. How often he'd get to see her, because he would prefer if it was _often_.

He didn't feel the need to sneak around, at least not in the city. But he did feel bad actually doing it behind Mellie's back, part of which was why he wanted to tell Mellie somewhat soon about Olivia. It didn't feel right to continuously keep it from her, and he sure as hell wasn't going to put Olivia on hold anymore. Whether that was selfish of him or not, he really didn't know. He just knew he didn't want Olivia to have to wait and be sad, and he didn't want that for himself either.

He could barely be without her now, and she hadn't even been on break very long. Her break was only two weeks, to begin with, and here he was, already sleeping in the bed she used to sleep in and having dreams about her. Very vivid dreams, actually.

He rubbed his eyes and sighed, wishing he could go back to his wonderful dream. Be with her, even though it wasn't real.

He reached over for his phone to glance at the time, which read 6:30. Once he unlocked his phone, he saw he had a new text message.

It was from her. And it instantly made him smile, after all his previous thoughts of her.

**Olivia: Maybe we can talk tomorrow? Miss you.**

She'd send it last night, and he'd missed it. He had it set up so that her text notifications didn't show up. Not that anyone ever looked through his phone, but he wanted to at least be careful. And for the number of times they texted back and forth now, he preferred nobody else see their messages.

He hoped maybe she'd be up early enough, because maybe, just maybe, he could quietly call her now, while everyone else in his house still slept.

**Fitz: Hey you. You up? Miss you too. Always.**

He laid there on his side, studying his screen. Hoping and praying he'd see the three little dots that meant she was responding back.

A few moments later. There they were.

He smiled, thinking about the fact that never once in his life had he been so excited to text someone before.

**Olivia: Hey you. I am up!**

Fitz immediately responded.

**Fitz: Can you talk now? **

**Olivia: Sure can. **

His heart beat a little faster and he pressed call right away, putting it up to his ear as he laid in bed.

She answered immediately, and he could hear the slight rasp in her voice.

"Hello?" she answered sweetly.

It brought the biggest smile to his face.

"Hi, Livvie," he whispered.

"Hi," she replied.

"How are you?"

"I'm good, how are you?" she asked.

"I'm okay. I miss you a lot," he said quietly.

"Oh, Fitz, I miss you too," she said back. "You just woke up, I can tell."

"Mhm," he nodded, smiling. "You too."

"Yeah," she said. "My mom left a bit ago for the restaurant, so I woke up. I have a shift today too, so I'll have to get ready soon."

"Working girl," he smiled.

"Oh don't you know it," she said. "Gotta make some more money so I can buy you coffee when I get back."

"Ohhh," he chuckled quietly. "That sounds great. You're just going to spoil me, huh?"

"Absolutely," she said. "You've spoiled _me_ enough, it should go both ways."

"Nonsense," he shook his head.

"The necklace I never take off says otherwise, smiley. I've gotten lots of questions about it, everyone always talks about how pretty it is," she said.

"It _is_ pretty. Like you," he nodded happily.

She laughed. "You're so cute. I miss you."

"I miss you too," he said. "You need to come back. I'm a bad texter."

"I don't think so!" she giggled. "I love texting you."

"Well I love texting you too," he nodded. "I just want to hug you. And kiss you."

"Mmmm," she smiled. "Yes, please. At least I've got your T-shirt to keep me company until I come back. Smells like you."

"I'm glad you've got that," he chuckled. "You know where I've been um...sleeping lately?"

"The couch?" she asked.

"No, I uh...I moved actually. I started sleeping in your old room," he said quietly.

"Aww, did you really?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded.

"You didn't tell me that!" she giggled.

"I kind of got embarrassed," he chuckled. "But I told you now."

"Maybe that can tide you over, along with your thoughts of...the night at The Langham," she said.

"It's gonna have to. I still got a few more days to go until I can see you," he said sadly.

"It'll go fast," she assured him. "I know it will."

"Mhm," he nodded, fiddling with the comforter. "What time will...you be back on the 4th?"

"I think I'm supposed to land in the afternoon. I'll let you know closer to the day," she answered.

"Mkay," he nodded. "Maybe I can uh...maybe I can meet you down there sometime that day. I wasn't sure if...you would need help with...carrying your things and everything."

"Well, actually my new roommate, or...suite mate, I guess, is going to be there already and she said she'd help me out! We've been texting back and forth a little bit, trying to get to know each other. Thank you, though! You're so sweet, Fitz."

"Oh, right, okay," he nodded.

"But I would love to see you that day. I just wasn't sure you'd be able to...make it work?" she questioned.

"I can," he said. "I will find a way, if you want me to."

"Am I in a position to steal you away?" she asked with a laugh.

"Yes," he said, rolling onto his back. "I'm in love with you, you're in a position to do whatever you want."

She started laughing on the other end, and he began to smile at the sound.

"That's how this works, huh?" she asked uncertainly.

"Uh-huh," he answered quietly with a smile.

He heard her sigh contently, and pause, before speaking up.

"Let me steal you away."

"Yeah?" he whispered with a smile.

"Yeah. Come to the city on the 4th. We can meet somewhere. We can...see each other. I can kiss you. And hug you."

"I will be there. I will," he nodded. "You tell me where and I will be there. Steal me away."

"Are you sure you—"

"Yes."

She was laughing on the other end quietly.

"I love you so much."

"I love you," he said. "I will do anything to see you. It scares me that I may not see you as often in the near future. So I'll just make it work."

"You are so sweet. I'll make anything work too. How about...Birch Coffee? On me?"

"Buying me coffee and everything?" he asked with a smile.

"Hey, I did say I was going to," she replied.

"Okay. That sounds great," he said. "It's a date."

"A date," she smiled. "I hope we can...have more of those in the future."

He sighed, adjusting his phone a bit. "We will. We will, Olivia."

"Well I look forward to all those dates, mister," she said, smiling. "I can't wait to see you soon."

"I can't wait either," he whispered. "I'll be counting the days."

She didn't think she could smile any bigger, but she proved herself wrong.

"Me too."

* * *

**Hopefully it goes quickly for them! Lots going on for them.**

**I hope everyone is well, and I hope the chapter could provide an opportunity to take a little rest, and give your mind a brief break. Even if brief, it is necessary these days.**

**Just a kind reminder, if you do not like the way I am writing the story, nobody is forcing you to read it. If you do not have trust that I write everything I write for a reason, then you will always have a problem with the story. And not everyone will be pleased, that is impossible.**

**But regardless, this story is one that ****_I_**** am writing, and one that ****_I_**** have planned. Coming at me as an author or at the things I do, won't change what happens in the story. **

**Anyway. Enough of that!**

**Stay safe, and much love to you all during these times.**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	17. Meet Me

"Sleep well okay? I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay," Karen said with a smile. "Thanks for singing to me."

"You're welcome. You know for you I always will," he said, smiling back.

"I know. That's 'cause you are the best daddy," she said matter-of-factly. "Like…the best one in the whole entire universe. And all the other universes too…because you know, there is more than just our universe out there, dad. Scientists know it."

His smile grew larger and he started to chuckle at his daughter, leaning his head down on her comforter.

She saw that she had made him laugh, and her adorable giggle came out in response.

"Thank you for your compliment and your science fact," he chuckled.

"You're welcome!" she nodded.

"And guess what?" he asked.

"What?" she asked curiously.

"You are the best daughter in the…multiverse," he nodded.

She gasped. "Multiverse?! Is that the word?"

"That is the word," he replied.

"Thank you for teaching me it! I'm going to teach Casey, too."

"You better," he nodded seriously.

"You are so smart, dad," she stated.

"Me? I think you mean _you,"_ he replied, poking her arm importantly.

"_Me?!"_ she asked with a smile. But he could tell she was _so _honored.

"Yes, you!" he nodded. "Smartest little girl I know."

She giggled and started to blush, putting her hands up to her chest. "Thanks, daddy."

"You're very welcome," he said. "So, what do you say to pancakes in the morning, my little scientist?"

"Yes!" Karen exclaimed, doing a little celebratory arm raise. "Your pancakes are the _best."_

"Thanks, sweetie," he chuckled quietly.

"You're welcome. I wish Liv could have them again. I know she thought they were the best, too," Karen nodded. "She told me so."

"Well that's...very sweet of her," he smiled.

"Yeah," Karen agreed. "Do you...miss her, dad?"

Fitz sighed, looking surprised at the question she asked.

But this was a chance not to lie, for once, and also — it wouldn't be too bad that he told the truth, anyway. He felt like it would be a bit rude to say he didn't miss her, truly.

"Yeah," he nodded seriously. "I do."

"Me too," Karen nodded. "I figured you had to miss her."

He looked intently down at her, wondering what she meant by that. Perhaps this was a perfect chance to dig into it, since she gave him the opportunity. To his knowledge, Karen didn't think anything out of the ordinary about him and Olivia.

Mellie certainly didn't either — in fact, Mellie was so blind when it came to Fitz that she didn't even think that he and Olivia talked much. She'd actually yelled at him for that.

That's what happened when she paid almost no attention to him.

Karen paid more attention though.

"How could you tell?" he asked with a smile, trying to play it off casually.

Karen shrugged innocently. "I just thought...you and Liv are good friends. Maybe she is your best friend? But...don't tell Abby I said that."

Fitz started to chuckle and shook his head. "I won't tell Abby. Why do you think...Liv and I are such good friends?"

"I don't know," Karen shrugged. "Whenever we were all together...I just thought we had so much fun. Like when we rode places in the car together and...and cooked, and played the piano, and sang. You seemed like good friends."

Fitz smiled and nodded at all of the things she was talking about. All of the things that involved just the _three_ of them. Their car rides, to pick Karen up from school. Their piano and cooking sessions. All the late nights Mellie had to work. Times that he would let go a little bit with Olivia, simply because Mellie wasn't there. When she _was_ there, he and Olivia often wouldn't even talk much to each other on purpose — hence Mellie's thought that they didn't talk.

But those weren't the times that Karen was talking about now.

So he used it as a stepping stone. Not to confess to his daughter that he was _more_ than good friends with Olivia. Not to confess anything of that sort yet. But only to take a stab at not _lying_.

To stop pretending. To tell the truth. If not the full truth, at least a part of it. Because it's what she deserved. If only he could have seen that long before now.

"We were good friends," Fitz nodded in agreement. "_Are_ good friends, still."

Karen's face perked up and she smiled brightly. "I knew. I'm glad about that dad. She is the best, right? I miss her."

"She is," he nodded. "I bet she misses you too. You better text her tomorrow. Maybe you can send her those pictures we took of you and your Christmas presents so she knows you love them."

"Oh!" Karen nodded. "I will do that. Good idea, dad."

He smiled, putting his hand on top of hers. "She will love it."

"When do you think we'll get to see Liv again?" Karen asked quietly.

_Tomorrow actually. He had a date with her._

Fitz sighed quietly, honestly wishing he could spill some things to his daughter right then and there, if only to please her. But would it truly please her, to know how her dad _really_ felt about Olivia? That it wasn't _just_ friendship?That Karen would likely see a lot of Olivia in the future, because he wanted a relationship with her? He didn't know. But at some point, she was going to have to know.

He settled on a much more certain and _for sure_ positive end to the conversation.

"I'm sure we'll see her soon, honey."

Karen nodded happily and pulled the covers up close to her face. "Love you, dad."

"I love you," he whispered, smiling down at her. "Want me to send mom in?"

"Yes," Karen nodded excitedly.

"Mkay," he said, leaning down to kiss her cheek. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He headed over to his bedroom and peeked his head in, speaking quietly to Mellie.

"Hey. Mell."

She looked up sleepily from her iPad, looking as though she was just waiting for the high sign to say goodnight to her daughter so she could go to bed, herself.

"K's ready for you."

She nodded at him without a word and he quickly and quietly started to sneak down a couple flights of stairs.

Down to his own space. The space Olivia used to use.

God, the entire basement had almost been haunting the past couple weeks, simply because it felt somewhat like her space, yet she wasn't there. She would never be there again, to his dismay.

All of her things were gone, the lingering of her wonderful scent was gone; all of it had downright disappeared. Yet being down there still made him feel good. Made him feel close to her, because it was all he had, he supposed.

At least tomorrow he'd finally get to see her again. Turns out a couple weeks feels like an eternity when you confess and show your love to someone who equally returns it — and then you're forced to separate. Especially in the midst of feeling all the things he was feeling in general.

He had never been so excited for a cup of coffee before, so he figured he better reiterate that before he went to bed.

He turned around at the edge of the bed — her old bed — and let himself collapse as he pulled his phone up to his face to text her.

It was crazy how much he was now _attached_ to his phone, simply because he couldn't be attached to her. He always wished people on the train into work every day would put down their phones — but now he was turning into one of those people.

He didn't let Karen or Mellie see him do it when he was in their presence. He'd just wait until he went to the bathroom or until one of them left the room. He'd become quite sneaky with it — which totally freaked him out, actually.

And yet here he was doing it, because he didn't have the luxury of seeing her every day anymore.

**Fitz: Can't wait to see you tomorrow. Just let me know when I should leave.**

He laid there on his back, watching for a response. Usually, they were both pretty in sync when they texted each other.

And there she was.

**Olivia: Don't worry, I will! I cannot wait to see you. I am so excited, Fitz.**

The number of butterflies that shot through his stomach when he read things like that was _also_ something that freaked him out. Jesus, could they calm down a little?

But he just smiled, starting to text back.

**Fitz: Me too. You heading to bed soon?**

**Olivia: Yes. I want to be well-rested for tomorrow, it will be a pretty long day of travel!**

**Fitz: Yes it will, you should get some sleep, Livvie.**

**Olivia: I will. See you tomorrow, smiley! I love you, in case you forgot.**

Those stupid butterflies — all over again.

**Fitz: See you tomorrow. I could never forget. I love you so much.**

**Olivia: Goodnight, baby.**

**Fitz: Goodnight.**

* * *

**Good morning! I miss you Olivia. I hope you like these pictures. I just wanted to say thank you again for my Christmas gifts. They are so awesome, just like you!**

Olivia couldn't stop smiling at the adorable text and pictures she received from the little girl she missed dearly. Her sweet little K.

And after she sent a message back, her smile must not have faded one bit, because her mother noticed it.

"What are you smiling about over there?" Marie asked with a laugh, as she scrambled eggs on the stove.

She was currently making great use of her morning off, but utilizing her amazing chef skills, of course, to cook Olivia a goodbye breakfast before she left.

"It's just little K," Olivia said, smiling at her phone. "The presents I got her for Christmas — she sent me some pictures of her using them."

"Aww, well let me see!" Marie said, coming over to look.

She leaned over Olivia's shoulder, looking down at the picture of Karen smiling next to her microscope, looking through the microscope, and a separate one of her using the new robot that she put together.

"She really is just so darling, isn't she," Marie said with a smile, as Olivia scrolled through the pictures.

"She's adorable," Olivia nodded.

"You've shown me pictures of her but I don't know that I've seen the parents before," Marie inquired. "Do you have any pictures of them?"

Olivia instantly went "oh shit" internally because there was always a reason she didn't show people.

From her experience so far, Fitz kind of drew attention.

And with her _mother_, especially, that was exactly what she _didn't_ need.

But she played it off casually, thinking that was her best bet.

"Oh, I really haven't shown you before?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

"I don't think so," Marie said, clearly trying to think back. "Well, I suppose I saw Melody briefly on FaceTime this summer, I just don't quite remember what she looks like."

Unfortunately, she had one photo on her phone. Well — two, but the other was a selfie of just Fitz and her in the city, which she also figured would _not_ be a smart decision to show her mother.

This is where the attention part came in. A shirtless Fitz was hard not to look at, and that resulted in awkward conversations that she frankly wasn't ready for. With her mother.

But she showed her regardless, just hoping to God she appeared casual and normal about it.

Marie leaned in closer and took a deep breath.

"Well Lord have mercy. I suppose I knew they were young, but...goodness," Marie said, taking a closer look at the phone. "I remember Melody now, that's right. The long, wavy hair."

Olivia felt her nerves increase with her mom holding her phone, hoping to God Fitz didn't text her right at this moment or some damn thing.

"Yeah, they're definitely younger than most in the program, I would say," Olivia nodded.

Her mother began to zoom in. On Fitz. _Seriously mom?_

"Well he's certainly a nice looking fellow, isn't he," Marie stated.

_Oh, God._

"_Ma,"_ Olivia laughed embarrassedly.

"What?!" Marie shrugged. "You've got eyes, baby, I know that's not new information. She's gorgeous too. I can't believe you haven't shown me a picture of them all together until now!"

"I honestly thought I did, I guess," Olivia shrugged casually. "I should have sent that one to you. That was a fun day. The first weekend, when we went to the beach."

Hopefully, that would divert the conversation a bit. Especially because she managed to dance around the Fitz being hot conversation, and she would prefer that did not come up again.

It made her blush, and it made her nervous. Not a good conversation in front of her mother, who knew her better than anybody.

"Aww, well that does sound fun, baby," Marie said. "You sure you're not gonna miss them too much now? You won't be too lonely?"

"I'll be just fine, ma," Olivia laughed. "I'm way closer to my friends this way, I definitely won't be lonely. But...I will miss the Grants, yes."

"You grew so close to them, living there for that long — I could only imagine. When it's time to move on, it's time to move on. But maybe you should keep in touch with them," Marie shrugged, heading back to the stove.

Olivia nodded, thinking about just how much she'd be keeping in touch with that one good looking fellow...

"Yeah," Olivia agreed. "I think I will."

* * *

Her flights went smoothly; she was much more used to them now after a full semester of going to school away from home. She did have one layover, in Minneapolis-St. Paul, like normal.

But having left North Dakota very early that morning, she reached New York City by the early afternoon.

The first time she saw Huck and Stephen again, she could have sworn she literally felt her heart _lift._

"Liv!" Huck exclaimed, wrapping her in a big hug.

"Oh my God, Huck!" Olivia exclaimed back, giving him a big hug. "Aww, I missed you!"

"Missed you too, girl," Huck said.

"Hey, Liv," Stephen smiled, giving her a side hug after Huck pulled away.

"Hey!" she said, returning his hug. "Thanks for helping me out you guys!"

"Oh, of course," Stephen nodded. "Huck, Elliot, and I just got all my shit loaded up there so we needed a break anyway."

"Oh great! Where is Ell?" Olivia asked.

"Ah, he had to head back to his parent's house in Brooklyn. His uncle Ray's birthday, or...something. But he did tell me to let you know he couldn't wait to see your new tiny place," Huck laughed.

They all started to laugh and nod in agreement. New York City residences...

"Yeah, how did your little suite compare to the pictures you saw online?" Olivia asked Stephen.

"It was pretty much what I had expected," Stephen nodded. "Definitely small. I don't even fit properly on my twin bed. But oh well. I can deal with it. My suitemate is super cool at least."

"Ha!" Huck chuckled. "Suddenly I'm feeling lucky to be a short man with that bed situation."

"And me — a short woman," Olivia agreed, giggling.

"Girl, you're not even short — you're just adorable," Huck said.

Olivia put her hand up to her chest, feeling very loved.

"Well thank you, Huck!" she exclaimed.

"You're very welcome. You ready to go?"

"I am," Olivia nodded, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder.

"Alright. Stevie boy — this is where your size is more beneficial than mine. That big ass duffel bag is all yours."

"Wow, I see how you play it, Huck," Stephen chuckled, reaching down to sling it over his shoulder.

"Thank you so much, Stephen, I'm so sorry," Olivia winced.

"No worries, Liv," he shook his head.

"Must help the adorably small woman," Huck said, muscling one of her other duffles onto his shoulder.

"Must, indeed," Stephen nodded.

"You guys," Olivia smiled. "I missed you so much."

"Yes…yes," Stephen nodded, giving her a chuckle.

"I missed you, even though...you come with more baggage than I do," Huck said, letting out a deep breath as he got her bag situated.

Olivia laughed, grabbing two of the bags that still sat at her own feet. Yeah, she couldn't really deny that one.

They got an Uber and headed to the residence that both she and Stephen were now staying at this semester. Huck had always lived in one of the student residences, so he was staying in the same one — nothing new to him. He loved to help organize and decorate though, so he wouldn't miss move-in day for anybody.

And since Stephen's suite was somewhat put together, at least more so than Olivia's, they got a start on unloading some of her things.

And that's when she met her new roomie, Greta.

"Oh — you must be Olivia!" Greta exclaimed from the kitchen, as they all piled in the door, full of bags.

"Oh, yeah, hey!" Olivia exclaimed back, giving her a wave. They'd followed each other on social media, so they already knew what they looked like.

Greta was about average height; slightly taller than Olivia. She had lightly tanned skin and straight black hair, which faded into an ombré. Her makeup, also, was a level of perfection that Olivia strived for in her life. She was definitely gorgeous, which Olivia had already gotten a glimpse of online.

"It's so great to see you in person finally!" she said, coming over and extending a hand to Olivia.

"Yeah, it's so great to see you as well! A pleasure to meet you. I wish I would have seen you around at school before!" Olivia said.

"I know, right?" Greta asked. "It's so crazy how you tend to have classes with the same people. I do, however, recognize you..." Greta said, shyly pointing to Stephen.

"Yeah, hello," Stephen chuckled, extending his hand as well. "Stephen Finch."

"Nice to meet you officially, Stephen. I'm Greta. I love your accent by the way. Scottish?"

"Yes. Thank you," Stephen laughed.

"That's so cool that you two have seen each other around," Olivia smiled. "And Greta, this is Huck, one of my other good friends."

"Nice to meet you!" Huck said, shaking her hand as well.

"Nice to meet you!" she exclaimed. "That's so sweet of you guys to help Olivia out too!"

"We've been told," Huck smiled, putting his hand innocently up to his chest, which had the girls laughing.

"And I live just one floor down, so it's no big deal for me," Stephen nodded. "Moved in this morning."

"Oh, really?" Greta asked. "That's awesome, I moved in this morning, too. Where do you live, Huck?"

"I live in Coopers Square," Huck answered. "I actually lived there last semester too."

"Jealous," Greta sighed. "I was in the same boat as you two," she said, pointing to Stephen and Olivia. "I lived with a family. They weren't my favorite so...I just knew it wasn't the best fit for me anymore."

"Oh, no, that's a tough one," Stephen said. "Mine wasn't too bad, but I just wanted a change of scenery, I think."

"Totally," Greta nodded.

They all kind of looked at Olivia now, the only one who hadn't really addressed their situation.

_Her situation? A bit fucked up._

"Yeah, I'm kinda...with Stephen. Just knew I wanted a change. I gave the family a try, but I've always wanted to live in the city, so...here I am!"

Huck scoffed. "I mean, at least your host family was young and fun and the guy was _hot. _That made it a bit easier."

Olivia swore her eyes went so wide, but she immediately forced herself to play it cool, even at the mention of the man she loved.

Huck wasn't wrong, though.

Greta started to laugh, but mostly just looked at Olivia in shock.

"Oh, for real? Like how young?"

"Around...30," Olivia shrugged nonchalantly.

Greta looked surprised. "Wow, really? That's honestly kind of amazing. I bet that was actually nice!"

"Yeah," Olivia nodded, giving her a smile. "It was."

_Please, next subject, next subject._

"And a hot guy? That's always a plus," Greta shrugged.

Olivia laughed and nodded, trying her hardest not to be awkward.

"It sure is. Well — it wouldn't be for Stevie over here," Huck said, slapping Stephen's back. "Sorry for all the hot guy talk."

"That's okay," Stephen shrugged, laughing. "Whoever…floats your boat, fine with me. That is the American phrase, yes? Floats your boat?"

"Yes, Stephen," Olivia giggled.

"Right, yes, I thought so," he laughed. "I've always wanted an occasion to use it, I have to admit."

"That's comforting to know, Stephen, because since we're getting to know each other — I am extremely open to discussing hot women as well," Greta said. "Thought I better just throw that out there to avoid potentially awkward situations later, you feel."

"Ohhh, girl, I feel you on that!" Huck exclaimed. "Much easier. Just _throw it out there!"_

"Exactly," she agreed, laughing.

Stephen raised his eyebrows and smiled. "That sounds fantastic to me, Greta. You want to see my girlfriend back home? My little dove — she's a beauty."

"Absolutely, I'd love to!" Greta giggled.

"We are gonna be such good friends. Welcome to our group — you're already in," Huck said.

"_Absolutely,"_ Olivia agreed.

"Aww, thank you!" Greta exclaimed.

And so, as Stephen showed Greta pictures of his girlfriend back in Scotland, who was indeed extremely beautiful, and they all exchanged phone numbers, it was clear they all hit it off right away.

As Greta had promised via text, she did help Olivia out with her things, as did the boys.

It was nice to get to know Greta even more while they unloaded and unpacked.

Her story was quite amazing. Her father, who was Japanese, and her mother, who was American, met while she was in Japan for work. And while Greta was born in the United States, she did grow up going to Japan every summer to spend time with her grandparents. She was fluent in Japanese and Korean, and was currently learning Spanish in school, planning to minor in it in college. Which, made her trilingual, going on _quadrilingual. _

Having taken two semesters of Spanish every year since middle school, herself, Olivia felt pretty damn proud; she felt like she could almost call herself bilingual.

But fluent in almost _four_ languages? _Damn._

Greta loved sports, she loved embroidery, and she loved dogs — her dog back home, Riku, was a golden retriever — which everyone stopped and took a 10-minute break just to ogle. Adorable.

She truly didn't live very far from school at all — she was from Newark, New Jersey. So, she often went home on weekends to see her parents, her little sister, Hana, and of course, her cute dog.

After spending an afternoon getting to know her, Olivia was so grateful that Greta was her suitemate. And based on the conversation she had with Huck as he was leaving her residence that day, she was pretty sure her friends could say the same.

"Seriously. She's a Japanese-American Queen who can speak, like, 18 languages, her makeup is absolutely on point, her ombré was fire, and she's bisexual on top of all that? Ahh! My queer heart is _fluttering. _Could she get any better? I don't think so. Queen. You're so lucky she's your suitemate, girl."

"I know!" Olivia nodded, as they stood just outside the entryway of her building. "She is a Queen, I feel so lucky."

"Seriously. You and her together? Damn. Double Queen energy. Can I come over, like...all the time?" Huck asked.

"Sure you can," Olivia laughed. "Thank you, by the way."

"Oh, of course. I'm so happy we're all back, Liv. Break was lame," Huck said.

"It was lame," Olivia agreed. "So happy to be back."

Huck sighed happily. "Well. I'll see you on Monday. Have a fun rest of your day — don't spend all of it unpacking. Do something fun, too!"

"Oh. I will," Olivia assured him with a smile.

_She did have something fun planned._

"Cool. See you, Liv!" Huck said.

"Bye, Huck! Thanks for all your help today!" she replied.

"Mmmhm," he smirked and gave her a little wave, which made Olivia laugh as she headed back up to her floor.

She immediately texted Fitz as she returned to her suite, telling him to get his ass into the city as fast as possible because she was _all _his now.

Huck had left, Stephen had gone down to his own suite to continue organizing his own stuff — or at least organize as best as a boy could. Olivia told him she'd help him out if he needed it tomorrow. He had told her he probably would.

Boys and their organizational skills.

Even Greta had plans later that afternoon with some friends, she'd already told Olivia. Although, Olivia hadn't told Greta of her own plans, simply because she wasn't quite sure what she was going to say yet. But Greta figured it out as soon as she walked past the bathroom briefly and caught Olivia touching up her makeup in the mirror.

"Got big plans?" Greta asked with a smile, grabbing her purse.

Olivia could feel herself blushing as she touched up her eyeliner, and she smiled.

"Yeah, I do!"

"Oooo," Greta smirked. "It seems as though those plans of yours involve...a guy?"

"Hmmm," Olivia laughed. She gave Greta a smirk, but didn't verbally confirm anything.

"I see you, I see you!" Greta nodded, putting on her coat. "You go, girl. You look fantastic, he's gonna go nuts."

"Well, thank you," Olivia said, flashing her a smile. "You look fantastic, too, by the way!"

"Thanks!" Greta said, as she grabbed her keys. "Well, I'm gonna head out. I'll be back later tonight. I'll probably see you later?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" Olivia nodded. "I probably won't be late at all. Maybe we can watch a movie tonight or something?"

"Oh my God, yes, please! That sounds great," she nodded. "And have fun with your guy!"

"Thanks. You have fun, too!" Olivia replied.

"Thanks! See ya, girl," she said, waving as she opened the door.

"See ya!"

Olivia looked over her appearance in the mirror, feeling pretty satisfied with it. Her makeup did look good; she'd done it extensively this morning, it just needed a touch-up. Her hair, no longer in twists, looked good too, she thought.

She'd taken her twists out over break, as it had definitely been time. She needed a good wash and wanted to go natural again for a while, so here they were — her luscious, natural, bouncy curls. Fitz hadn't seen her hair like that in forever, he would probably be surprised because she hadn't told him on purpose.

She couldn't wait. She literally couldn't wait to see him, to hug him, or to kiss him. Really, to just be with him.

It had been far too long, and they'd both been counting the days until today.

* * *

Fitz looked down at his phone, seeing the text from Olivia that she was ready any time he was. The truth was, he'd been ready for about two hours, just waiting for her say so. He had it all planned out.

He was going to "get drinks" with David and one of his buddies, Rob. That was virtually his only excuse because he'd gone to get lunch with Abby last week so he didn't want to use her as an excuse, and Mellie didn't hate David as much, so it was easier. Plus, he literally didn't have any other reason he'd be going into the city alone on a random Saturday in January. So "drinks" it was. At least the drinks part of it was truthful.

The Rob and David part — not so much.

He was going to get coffee with Olivia, and he couldn't wait. It had been too long — even though it really hadn't.

But after everything that happened last time they'd been together. All the things they said and where their night ended up — it had been almost unbearable being without her since.

So he kept it cool before he left, but he damn near smiled the whole way to the train station, and the whole train ride.

It wasn't so cold out that day. It was decent for January, so he had on only a lightweight coat and some normal dressy boots to compliment his casual dressy outfit.

He found himself slightly embarrassed when getting ready for the day today. He took forever to pick out his outfit, trying to figure out what would look best. What Olivia would like. Trying to look good for her. She was used to seeing him in suits every damn day, so he felt like he had to think a little harder about his regular day clothes.

Thank God Mellie hadn't been upstairs to watch that mess, or he'd be receiving some questions.

He'd settled on just dark jeans and a dress shirt, because he couldn't go too overboard or Mellie would wonder what the hell was up. But still, it was something he thought Olivia would like.

When he got to the city, he decided to walk to the Birch Coffee that they were meeting at, since it was less than a 10-minute walk to get there and it wasn't too cold outside.

He had sent her a text when he was close to the city, so that she could gauge when she should leave. But he knew he must have beat her there when he got there and she wasn't in that back corner booth. The booth surrounded by bookshelves on both sides, that they'd sat at the first time they'd come here. That was their booth.

So he sat down, thinking about what he was going to order and awaiting her arrival. Bouncing his knee under the table because he was anxious — big surprise. But it was a good anxious. As good an anxious as he could feel. Because there was excitement mixed in there. A lot of it.

He felt like he was in some sort of ridiculous romantic movie the second she walked through the door, because his heart rate went nuts and so did the butterflies in his stomach. He truly didn't know that a human being could have butterflies in their stomach this intense — it was a bit crazy.

He knew the smile on his face must have been pretty big, because she already had a smile on her face, but the second she looked at him, her smile grew bigger.

She walked over, waving cutely at him, and he stood up without even thinking about it.

All he was thinking about was how cute she was. Her hair was completely different than the last time he'd seen her; it was back to its curly, natural self. Her outfit was sexy. her pretty face was glowing. And her sweet voice…there it was.

"Hi you," she greeted, coming up to him immediately.

"Hi," he smiled, wrapping his arms around her. He lifted her up slightly, spinning her slowly a bit in his arms. "Oh God, I missed you."

"I missed you too!" she said quietly, tightening her arms around his neck.

"Mmm," he murmured, adjusting his grip on her body. "Your hair."

"I know," she giggled, pulling back to look at him.

"I love it," he whispered, eyes flickering between her eyes and her lips. "You are so beautiful."

"Oh, thank you," she blushed, smiling at him. "You gonna kiss me or what, smiley?"

His lips were on hers in an instant, pressing gently to hers.

She giggled against his lips, and then opened her mouth against his briefly.

A few kisses didn't seem to be enough for them. He was still holding her in his arms above the ground slightly, kissing her with closed eyes and a happy heart.

But he finally started to set her down slowly, letting his lips linger on hers while he did it. There were plenty of other people in the coffee shop, which all got a good show, no doubt. They didn't care though.

"How are you?" he whispered, pecking her lips again.

"I'm so good. Even better now," she said. "How are you?"

"I'm _so_ much better now," he smiled, pecking her lips. "I think...I think people are looking over here."

"I think so too," she giggled. "Are you embarrassed?"

"Uhhh," he began, chuckling because he knew his face was red. He could feel every inch of it.

"I'm sorry," she laughed, rubbing his cheek. "Should we stop with the PDA?"

"No," he said, giving her another kiss. "I can be embarrassed and kiss you at the same time. It will just have to work."

"You are so cute," she murmured against his lips. "Have I told you I loved you yet? I think that was on our list to do immediately when we saw each other in person again, too."

"No, you haven't. You should tell me," he whispered.

"I love you," she said, giving him lots of kisses. "I love you, love you, love you."

"I love you too," he said, smiling brightly back at her. "Okay. We can stop now. I don't want to get kicked out."

"Okay," she laughed, finally pulling away from his body. "I'm going to get us some coffee. Do you know what you want?"

"Umm. Yeah, I'll just take an americano," he said. "Thanks, Liv."

"Of course!" she said, adjusting her crossbody purse. "I'll be right back. Save our seats."

"Okay," he chuckled, watching her walk away as he sat down at their booth. He sat on the side he sat at last time, smiling at her by the counter as she was ordering their coffees.

She came back in no time — his americano and her latte didn't take very long.

"Here you are, my smiley," she said, setting his americano down.

"Thank you," he nodded. "So how were your flights today? Everything go okay?"

"Oh yep, everything was great. The day has flown by, honestly," she nodded.

"Good, I'm glad. So...tell me about your new place then. Do you like it?"

"I do!" she nodded. "It's _very_ small. But I knew that going into it. Everywhere is small, so a student residence is definitely going to be. But it's all Greta and I need. We both have our own room, we have sort of a general sitting space — very tiny — a little entryway, and the bathroom which we share. The kitchen area is right down the hall if you want to cook for yourself; a couple different suites share that space. But otherwise, we just have a dining hall place downstairs that we pay for ahead of time as apart of our room and board."

"That sounds pretty convenient," he nodded. "So where is it at?"

"It's off First Ave — First Ave and East 68th. So less than a 10-minute cab ride to school, _and_ to your work, actually," she smiled.

"Oh, that's a really nice location," he nodded, taking a sip of his coffee. "So...a nice drive along the East River each morning then."

"Mmmhm," she nodded with a smile. "Except, I prefer when you say it with an accent."

His cheeks turned pink and he started to laugh. "East Rivva."

"There we go," she laughed. "Very sexy."

"Thank you," he chuckled. "Um...and it's great that it's so close to JPM. I'm glad you...took that into account. You're very sweet."

"Of course. And...I know we haven't talked about it all that much. But I'd love it if...you came over. I just wanted you to know you're welcome to, if you wanted."

He smiled at her cutely. "Yeah?"

"Mhm," she nodded. "I only stayed at your place for half a damn year, so I think it's only fair that you're welcome to mine! I also just...want to be able to see you, like I know we've talked about. And I'm not sure how many options we really...have right now."

"Right," he agreed quietly. "It won't...it won't be like this forever. It won't. I'm just...sorry that it is right now."

"It's okay," she nodded. "I know."

"I plan on seeing you as much as humanly possible, so...that will include the many places I have on my list to take you out to. And...yeah. I'd love to come to your place if you're comfortable with that."

"Absolutely," she smiled. "Although, I am looking forward to experiencing those places on that list of yours!"

"You will enjoy them," he nodded proudly, reaching for her hand. "I've been mentally, um...compiling the list for a few months now."

"Aww!" she exclaimed, squeezing his hand. "You're so sweet, Fitz."

He shrugged and blushed, looking contently at her. "So how did it all go today, then, at your new place? Lots of unpacking?"

"It went really well. Lots of unpacking and organizing, which...isn't all done yet, but it's day one so that's alright. I saw Huck and Stephen today and also I met Greta, my new suitemate. She's amazing, seriously."

"Oh, yeah? That's great, Liv. I'm really glad about that. That makes me feel good," he nodded.

"I got lucky for sure," she replied. "But enough about me now! How about you, baby? How have things been here the past couple weeks?"

He shrugged, rubbing her small fingers gently. "Things have been...okay. The holidays were better, but otherwise, just...you know."

She nodded understandingly. She did know. "And how have _you_ been?"

He nodded again. "I've been alright."

She squeezed his hand, looking at him sympathetically. "Are you sure?"

"Mhm," he said. And then he let go of her hand, and stood up. It took her a few seconds to realize it was because he wanted to sit next to her on her side of the booth.

"Well hello, you," she laughed, patting his thigh.

"Hi," he said, leaning in unexpectedly for a kiss.

They had definitely made up for New Year's Eve already — when they would have loved to share a kiss at midnight, but couldn't.

She kissed him right back, feeling his large hand cover hers, and then his fingers intertwine with hers again. They hadn't been disconnected for long.

"You're not trying to distract me from asking how you're doing, right mister?" she asked, holding his face with her free hand.

"No," he chuckled. "You asked, I answered. Don't worry."

"Well, you are mine to worry about," she said, grabbing his chin.

He nodded. "That's true. I will admit that."

She smiled and leaned in again.

"How's your coffee been?" she asked, before pulling on his lip with her own.

"Mm, good," he nodded, kissing her again.

"From what I can tell it tastes very good," she murmured against his lips.

He chuckled, giving her one last kiss and moving their hands to her thigh. He rubbed his thumb over the denim that covered her skin as she scooted closer to him.

"K misses you, by the way. A lot," he said quietly.

Olivia gave him an "awww" look. "I miss her too! _So_ much."

"She um...she knows we're..._good friends,"_ he said, kind of laughing.

"Oh...good friends, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah. She just...she asked me last night if I missed you and I told her yes. And she said she figured I did because we were such good friends. Apparently, since we all have so much fun just the three of us — we are good friends. Maybe even..._best_ friends," Fitz nodded seriously.

Olivia was giggling and nodding. "That's a pretty cute explanation."

"I know," he agreed. "I told her she was right. She seemed to be pretty happy about it, I think. Like she already knew, but...happy I proved her right."

"Well, good," Olivia smiled. "She is right. We are like...best friends. I mean, that, and I'm literally in love with you. Which, I'm not sure...what to call in our situation."

He nodded and sat in thought for a moment.

"Well," he began. "I um...I know what I would _like_ to call you but...maybe you don't...maybe you wouldn't like it, or...it's weird in this...situation."

"Oh, no, please enlighten me," she said, leaning forward with a smile.

He smiled and bit his lip, thinking.

"Well, I'd like to call you...my girlfriend, honestly. I feel that...that's what you are. I know we're a little...abnormal. That's just what feels...right, I guess. To me."

The smile slowly crept across her face as she watched his cute face turn pink.

"Fitz."

"...Yes."

"I would love for you to call me that," she said, smiling.

He exhaled a little bit and the smile on his face grew large. "Okay."

"Why did you think I wouldn't like it?" she asked.

"I don't...I don't know — I got nervous," he shrugged, scratching his head. "I love you — this is what happens when...I love you, I guess."

"I love you so much, Fitz," she giggled, leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her cheek. "I just...wanna say it all the time. Do we...do we say it too much? Is that possible?"

"No way. We absolutely should say it all the time. People need to hear it more, in my opinion," she said, turning to smile up at him. "And I love hearing you say it to me."

"Well, you _are_ my girlfriend, so..." he shrugged, smiling at her.

"I enjoy that," she whispered, squeezing his hand. "Back in August, I could never have imagined that this is what we would be."

"Me neither," he shook his head. "I'm sorry that...this is what it is right now. I promise it will be better than this. I promise you we...we can have more than this."

"Fitz, honey, I know," she nodded. "I don't want you to feel like you need to reassure me. I know."

"Okay. I just...this is not the position I want to be in and I want you to know that. Because it's...it's so unfair to you and I know you don't want to be in it either. I just...don't want to be that asshole sitting here calling you his girlfriend...going home to his wife every day, promising you it's going to change and it never does. I just want you to know I hate this as much as you do, and...as fast as I can get them to, things are going to change."

"I understand," she nodded. "It's not a good position, we both know that. And you're right, I don't like it. But I know exactly what kind of man you are. I've always known. And I know what this is going to take; it's going to be hard, and no matter what, I signed up for it — the good and the bad. Because I love you, and because I can't wait for the day we _aren't _in this position."

Fitz nodded and looked at her intently. "I can't wait for that day, Olivia. I think...I think I've been waiting for it longer than I even knew."

"Oh is that right, smiley?" she laughed.

"Yes. I think since...the day you scared the hell out of me and I burned my hand. And then...tried desperately to fix it. I think that was the day."

She burst into laughter. "Oh no. I felt _so_ bad about that!"

"I know you did," he chuckled. "You held my hand for a long time. It took me a few hours to process why the hell I wished you hadn't let it go. I think I still...denied it, even though I knew why."

"Ohh, and how did you know why?" she asked with a smile.

"I think because...that was also the day at the beach. And...we were staring and pretending the whole time that we...weren't staring."

"Ohhh my God, the beach," she nodded. "That was a great day, I was just reminiscing over that this morning."

"It _was_ a great day. Burned hand and all. It's so funny how...you second guess what's happening in the moment. Push it aside or...wonder if you're crazy. But looking back, the signs couldn't have been...any more clear."

"Right?" she nodded immediately. "I think...it took us quite a while to follow the signs that were there from just about...that day. Day three, maybe."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It took me a while to do that, and to...figure out how to talk to you without being weird."

Now she was laughing again.

"Yes, you were very quiet with me. But I got you to open up. Slowly but surely," she smirked.

"You sure did," he nodded quietly. "Because you were the right person."

"Ahhh, right, right," she smiled, leaning into him again. "I feel so lucky that I am."

He exhaled slowly, gazing over into her eyes. "_I_ feel so lucky."

Her lips curled up into a soft smile, and she leaned forward. His kiss in return was so soft. So wonderful and warm, with a hint of coffee on his lips.

"Do you think people hate us yet?" she whispered, kissing his lips again.

"Probably," he murmured, going in for another kiss. "We turned our booth into...the kissing booth."

She giggled against his lips. "_Our_ booth."

"Yeah. I think so," he nodded.

"I think so too," she smiled. "I hope we can do this...often. So we can...further claim this as our booth."

"We absolutely can," he nodded, putting an arm behind her back. "I could always go for some more coffee. At...literally any time of day."

"Preach it," she laughed. "Me too. Although I have to admit...I'm going to miss our normal morning runs to Starbucks a lot. I mean..._a lot_, a lot."

"Me too," he said quietly. "Those were...one of my favorite parts of the day."

"Mine too," she agreed.

He sat there in thought, studying her face.

"Maybe..."

She looked at him, waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. "Maybe what?"

He bit his lip. "Well, I was just thinking. Maybe...we still could...have our Starbucks together in the mornings."

She raised an eyebrow. "Go on..."

He chuckled. "Well...we're going to be in the same city every single day. Less than ten minutes from each other, just like...like normal. The only difference now is...you're already here in the mornings, and I'm not."

"Yes," she agreed. "So..."

"So...there's a Starbucks in between UNIS and JPM. About halfway between each. I think it's...Second and —"

"—East 42nd," she finished with a smile.

He nodded. "Yeah. Second and East 42nd."

She smiled, pretty sure she knew exactly where he was going with it.

And he confirmed it.

"Meet me there. Meet me at that Starbucks, before our days start. Even if...only once or twice a week, and even if only for...20 minutes. It doesn't matter. But it's a time where...we could see each other, and...I would love that."

She was processing the idea in her head, liking the sound of it. She already would have so much more time in the mornings. And even if she met him somewhere before school, she would still have far less of a commute than she was used to. It would still allow her some extra time in the morning, even then, simply because she was already downtown to start her day.

"That sounds...perfect," she whispered, putting her hand on top of his. "So perfect, Fitz."

"Yeah?" he smiled.

"Mhmm," she nodded.

"Alright, it's a date," he smirked, giving her a soft kiss. "On Monday then. What do you say?"

She smiled, nodding at him.

"I'll meet you there."

* * *

**Reunited once again! So happy for them, even though they've got a tough road ahead.**

**Thank goodness for the little things like coffee dates that make them happy!**

**Hope you all are continuing to enjoy this Olitz's bumpy, but love-filled ride.**

**Stay safe everyone.**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	18. Baby Steps

Those icy blue eyes, looking down at his screen. Those long, thick fingers scrolling through an email he just received, that he had to look at quick. That focused look on his face as he read.

God. Was that handsome man really hers?

"Baby," she smiled.

"Hmm...baby," he murmured, still looking intently at his screen.

She started to laugh quietly, so he looked up at her, taking a break from his email.

"What?" he asked with a shy smile.

"Nothing. You're just so focused and you're so cute."

He started to blush heavily and smiled, shaking his head.

"You don't believe me?" she asked.

"Uhh," he chuckled, putting his phone down. "No."

"You are not serious," she said, looking at him in awe.

He looked questioningly back at her, and shook his head. "I don't...I don't know."

She looked at him lovingly. "Oh, honey. Oh, baby. You are literally the hottest guy most people have ever seen and _will _ever see."

If his face could get any more red, it did.

"You're just...biased. Because you're my girlfriend," he chuckled shyly.

"No. No, I am not," she shook her head. "You were the sexiest thing I had ever seen the moment I saw you and I certainly wasn't your girlfriend then. Neither was Huck, Shawn, or my mother."

His eyes widened instantly. "Your mother?"

"Yes, my mother thinks you're very good looking. _Everyone_ thinks so! Have you seen yourself?"

"...I have, yes," he nodded.

She started to feel sad and extremely confused, wondering if anybody had ever really told him the things she told him before.

"Fitz," she said surprisedly. "You are _gorgeous._ You are _so_ handsome."

He blushed and looked down at the table, running his hands through his hair. "Thank you, Liv."

She reached for his hand and he immediately reached back. "Do you believe me now?"

"I...I believe you," he chuckled.

"You _better._.." she smirked, squeezing his hand.

"You are…the _kindest_ to me," he said quietly, rubbing his thumb over her hand.

"I am _honest,"_ she corrected, smiling at him. "I mean damn. Do you not remember that photo in your mother's house from that photoshoot? Wow. I will never forget that photo. Literally…ever."

"You really loved that photoshoot, didn't you," he chuckled.

"Um, _yes," _she nodded.

"You know…there were a lot more photos to that photoshoot than just that one photo…" he said.

Her eyes widened. "And you have not shown them to me?!"

"No," he chuckled. "I suppose…I've got them somewhere on my desktop. My mom had them all put in one spot. If you want — "

She gasped, squeezing his hand in anticipation.

He was chuckling. " — I could find them for you."

"Yes, _please!"_ she nodded happily. "I would love that!"

"Okay," he laughed. "I will do that for you. As long as you don't…show them to everybody. Because…they're embarrassing."

"I won't," she laughed. "But they are definitely not embarrassing. _S__exy, _is what they are."

He smiled cutely back and glanced away from her gaze.

_So cute._

"Okay. Sorry. You focus on your email now, I just had to let you know how cute you were for a minute," she said.

He shook his head, looking at his phone again.

"No, no, it's nothing urgent at all. I'll handle it when I get into the office. Work can't cut in on the little time I have with you. It doesn't get to."

"Well, Fitz, if it has to cut in, that's okay," she laughed. "It's _work_, it's _important."_

"And this is _you_. You're _important,"_ he replied.

She instantly felt herself blushing and smiling at him in response.

She tilted her head at him, speaking her mind before she could even stop herself.

"Come over this afternoon."

He looked at her questionably. "What?"

"Greta's leaving right after school to go home for the weekend. So...we don't have to worry about...questions there. And it's been a couple weeks, I'm essentially all moved in, so I thought...you could come see it now that it's finished. If it works for you?"

He bit his lip, racking his brain for anything that might get in the way of that. Fridays were almost always his least busy day of the week. He rarely had afternoon meetings, or any meetings at all, and many people left the office a bit early if their workload allowed it. Many people at his level didn't even bother to come into the office on Fridays if it wasn't necessary. Today was no different from most of his Fridays. It could work. It probably couldn't be for very long, but it could work.

"Okay. Yeah," he smiled. "I'd love to."

"Really?" she asked.

"Mhm," he nodded. "That should work out for me today. For a little bit."

"Perfect!" she said. "I'm so glad you can come."

"I'm so glad too, Livvie."

She smiled happily, and he chuckled at how cute she was. How excited she was to show him around.

And he was excited too, he really was. To see her place, but also to get away from the outside world with her, and _only_ her, even if only for a bit. There were always some nerves that came with being out with her in the city, even despite New York City's large size.

There were so many people at all times, everywhere, which worked out well for them. It hid them in the crowd a bit. They didn't stand out — it was impossible to in a city like New York City.

But it was also still the place where he worked. He had friends in the city, and so did Mellie. Friends and colleagues who worked there, or lived there, or both. It certainly wasn't risk-free, that was for certain.

The only problem was he didn't know what else he was supposed to do if he really wanted to see Olivia as much as possible. Like he'd promised he would. Like he truly _wanted_ to do.

He didn't exactly want to get a hotel room every time he wanted to see her, even if for only 20 minutes just to ask her how she was doing or how her day was. Nor did that seem like the smartest decision financially. Not like Mellie had access to any of his personal accounts, but that would still be quite a grand expense. And who was to say there wouldn't be people he knew at any of those hotels, too?

Not to mention, he didn't particularly enjoy the idea of getting a hotel that often just to see the woman he loved. It made him feel even worse about things, and he certainly didn't think Olivia would like that either.

Essentially telling her she was nothing more than a mistress to him, and hotels were their safe place? No way.

That wouldn't work for him. And if all went according to what he wanted, this would hopefully end soon, anyway. Soon, he may not have to worry about any of this.

Part of him knew that was a long shot, though. Because he knew Mellie wouldn't cooperate that easily. No way in hell. He just liked to hold out hope to keep him somewhat sane.

In reality, nowhere would ever be risk-free for him and Olivia. Not for a while, most likely, and not unless they wanted to drive a couple hours away every once in a while to go to some town unfamiliar to the both of them. Neither of them had the time for that, though, and he knew he for _sure_ didn't have the patience.

He just wanted to see her as often as he could while he worked on getting out of his God awful marriage, and this was the easiest way. It certainly wasn't the most anxiety-free way. But then again, nothing ever was for him.

But her little place in the city, when her roommate was gone? That was probably one of their safest options at the moment. And it was a little bit sad that it was.

He wanted this all to be over already. He and Olivia hadn't even been dealing with this for very long yet, and he already hated it. It was so much better than her living in his own home, that was for sure. But it was hard, and he wanted it to be over.

He didn't want to have to feel anxious everywhere he went with her. He didn't want to have to think about "safe places." He was past caring what anyone would think at this point, when they could be together freely, he just wanted it to stop being some stupid secret.

_Who you love — that shouldn't be a secret. It shouldn't have to be a secret._

He knew he'd done wrong, there would never be any denying that. He knew they may not be supported by everyone. But it didn't change his thought that this shouldn't have to be a secret for either of them. It just shouldn't.

And he was the only person who could change that. It was all on him to get them there, to the point where it was no longer a secret. So he was going to do everything in his power to get them there.

"I'm going to have another conversation with Mellie tonight," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

He could physically see her grow nervous, yet perk up, at the same time.

"You are?" she asked.

"Yes," he nodded. "I've waited long enough. Things are back to normal, the holidays are over. I don't want to wait too long, because that's more time I'm lying and pretending to Karen, and more time I'm losing with the woman I love."

She couldn't help but look at him so admirably at that last statement.

"I've been...I've been trying to plan out what I'm going to say to her. I've been trying to...to think of the best way to approach it. And I'm going to be honest, I don't really know. Abby is right…this isn't something...I have a lot of control over. I have a general idea of what I want to say but ultimately...things are going to depend on Mellie and...how she reacts. Things aren't going to go how I want them to, I'm already prepared for that. She'll fight me. And it'll be fine, she can…she can fight all she wants. I just need to respond well it _how _she reacts. Take it one step at a time, but...stay strong and never back down on it."

Olivia let out a sigh and nodded. This was where she wasn't always sure what to say to him. She wasn't sure what she had the _right_ to say, honestly. So, she usually just tried her best to show him that she _understood,_ not wanting to display too much selfishness, or be too reserved on the matter, either.

"If you'd like me to, I'll let you know how things go. I'll text you, or something. And if you don't want to know, then that's okay too. I just...I want to make sure you know where everything's at and what's happening, if that's something you want as well. I don't want you to be in the dark about absolutely anything, unless that's your preference…in this situation," he said.

"Thank you, Fitz," she nodded. "I would like that."

"You don't need to...to thank me," he shook his head. He sighed, putting his hand up to his head. "I certainly don't need to be thanked for...for anything in this situation."

"Yes...you do," she said. "No arguments."

He chuckled lightly and shook his head. "Okay. No arguments. But is it something I can agree to disagree on?"

"No," she said. "I'm just _right_, I'm sorry to inform you."

"You're just automatically right, huh?" he chuckled, watching their fingers intertwine again.

"Mhm. Sorry," she shrugged, taking a sip of her coffee with a smirk.

"You always are," he nodded, rubbing her hand gently.

"Ohhh, now you're just sucking up to me," she laughed.

"Nope, nope," he shook his head. "It's true."

_"Damn_ right it's true," she said, smiling as she brought his hand up to her mouth for a kiss.

He chuckled, watching her. Watching her be her.

Watching her love him. Just the way she did.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her hand back. "I love you so much."

"I love you too," she laughed. "Thanks for the reminder. You know I love those."

"I do know," he nodded, smiling.

"We should probably get going. But...I look forward to you reminding me some more later," she said with a smile.

He blushed and smiled back.

"Me too."

* * *

Olivia was excited to be done with her day that day. She was excited once she finished up and said goodbye to Huck, and got in a cab with Stephen to head home.

That was another nice thing about living in the same building as Stephen, she got to ride home with him every day, and that way they could split cab money. It was cheap to begin with, considering it was less than 10 minutes each ride. And a lot cheaper in total than she was used to paying for her train commute. But still, every bit helped.

She wished she could ride to school with him as well, although considering her normal plans to see Fitz at least a couple mornings a week, that probably wouldn't work, anyway.

Olivia always worked out before school, taking advantage of her gym membership that was included with tuition at school. It was within walking distance of where she lived, so she usually walked to the gym and then showered and got ready for the day there, before she made her way either to school or to Starbucks to see Fitz.

She certainly wasn't going to stop her gym routine even though she'd lost the privilege of having the home gym. She'd worked so hard to get to where she was now. And plus, even with everything she did in the morning — working out, going to Starbucks — she was still able to sleep in a little later than she had been able to in Rye. She was doing the same things she used to do, she was just lucky enough to already be in the city every morning to start out with.

Stephen was the same as Olivia. Like her, he went to the gym, and was actually more fond of running than anything else.

But get him up out of bed earlier than he needed to? You'll probably regret that.

He wasn't a morning person to start with, much less someone who enjoyed _working out_ in the morning. He was always one to go later in the evening.

Which, both worked out well for, and sucked, for Olivia.

She would love to have a work out buddy who lived nearby. Greta was a yoga girl, she didn't need any more than a mat and a small space in their suite. Quinn lived much further away, and so did Huck, who wasn't a big gym person anyway. Elliot was older than all of her friends, and didn't go to their school, so he couldn't even get into their gym without a voucher each time. And Stephen would never be caught in a gym before school. So that part was unfortunate, because she really preferred to have a partner.

But also, with her occasional morning plans right _after_ the gym, with a man she wasn't ready for the entire world to know about quite yet — perhaps it was a blessing. And hopefully, at some point, she'd get her favorite workout partner back.

She wasn't sure when or how. But she held out hope, just like Fitz.

To keep her sane.

She had been texting him as soon as she was headed home. Both because she was excited for him to come over, and because she knew he really would need to come sooner rather than later, in order to get home at his normal time.

They were texting back and forth as she cleaned up a few last-minute things, and while he was on his way.

Her suite was only on the second floor at the very end of the hallway. However, they did have a back entrance as well, which is what their half of the hallway tended to use since it was closer. Plus, that's where their mail was. So all it took was a simple flight up the back steps of the building and she was right there. First door on the right.

They met near the back door in the little entryway, immediately reaching for each other's hands upon meeting.

"Hey," she smiled.

"Hey," he greeted, leaning in to kiss her cheek. "You're right, this isn't far at all," he said, looking around the entryway.

"No, nice and close to you," she nodded.

He smiled and his eyes landed on her mailbox number, which listed her name.

"There you are," he smiled, running his fingers over the last name "Pope."

"Mmhmm," she nodded. "There I am."

"And…Greta?" he asked, pointing to the last name "Odagiri."

"Yep, that's Greta," she nodded. "I'd love for you two to meet. Just…not sure that's a great idea right now."

"Yeah, probably…probably just not yet," he chuckled. "In time."

"In time," she agreed. "Alright, you wanna come see it?"

"Absolutely," he smiled, allowing her to lead the way. She led him up the brief flight of stairs, talking a bit about their days.

He did probably appear out of place there. It was clear he was older, despite his youthful looks.

But it wasn't like the people that lived there would really have a reason to know who he was. Even Stephen wouldn't recognize him if he were to see him. She'd tried to keep him on the down-low for a reason.

And again, it still felt like one of the least risky places they could be.

The second she opened her door and brought him inside, she saw a smile form on his face.

"Oh, Liv," he said, looking around their small entryway, and into the sitting area.

They had a little shelf for their keys and a coat rack for their winter things. There were a few pairs of shoes and boots by the door, neatly stacked against the wall so they were out of the way.

Their little sitting area, pre-furnished, had two chairs with some throw pillows. She and Greta had added a cute little rug, and a throw blanket too.

It wasn't big and there wasn't much to it. But it was home now. And Fitz seemed to like it.

"I love it. It's very nice," he smiled, looking around.

"Thanks. I'm glad you do," she said happily. "The bathroom is just right over there, and...my room is this one."

She pointed to the room nearest the door as they both removed their shoes and coats. He set down his briefcase over on one of their chairs.

She opened the bedroom door for him and he was able to see her tiny, cute room.

She had a twin bed, a little side table, and a dresser. She was even able to fit a little bean bag she'd found for cheap in the corner. Otherwise, everything else had come with the bedroom.

One of her bedroom walls was brick, which she absolutely loved, and the rest were white. She'd hung up a mirror by the door, and a few pieces of art she'd brought with from home this time around. It wasn't much, but it was all she needed. And while limited in her options, it was still very much her style. She'd made it so. And he agreed.

"It's very you," he smiled, looking around. "I _love_ it."

"Thank you," she said, lacing her fingers in his. "I'm so glad you could see it."

"Me too," he nodded, squeezing her hand.

They both looked at each other, alone for the first time in _weeks_. Alone and _not_ in public.

He shifted slowly, stepping closer to her. They let go of each other's hands — but only because they went other places.

His, to her hips, and hers, around his neck.

And their lips on each other's.

He kissed her right there near the door of her room, until he moved her slowly toward the wall opposite her bed, allowing his hands to move and brace himself against the wall.

"Hi there," she murmured, cupping his cheeks as she pulled his bottom lip into her mouth.

"Hi," he murmured back, slowly pressing himself into her body. One hand shifted to her ass, and both simultaneously moved closer to each other.

He squeezed her ass lightly, granting her tongue access to his mouth for the first time in a while.

They certainly didn't shy away from innocent kisses in public places, but this was the first time in almost a month that they had the opportunity for it to lead to more.

But it didn't. Not yet, at least. She had a hard time telling yet, when he wanted things to go further. To this day, she didn't really have enough experience with him to know. There was about a total of two nights where they'd been intimate, the big night having been before she left for winter break.

They were still learning each other. What they liked. How they liked it. When they liked it. They were still learning those things.

But the making out, like they were doing now — _that _they didn't need to learn. Both already knew how and what they liked.

And God, it never got old. It felt so good.

His mouth wide open against hers. His warm tongue deep inside her mouth, brushing hers.

She moaned lightly against his lips, pulling him closer. She could already feel both of their breathing starting to pick up.

He pulled away briefly to take a breath, looking down at her as he panted. She felt his quick breath on her lips, and she smiled up at him.

"Been a minute," she said quietly, running one hand down his chest.

"Yeah. It has," he nodded, sliding his other hand up to her jaw. He held her face, and they both leaned back in for more.

She cupped his cheek and rested a hand on his chest. He held tightly to her jaw with one hand and pushed her body into his gently with his other hand still on her ass.

The slow makeout; she'd missed that. She had to admit, she'd hoped she'd get some of that today. And a part of her hoped for more than that too, even though she knew he probably didn't have that much time.

But she was still trying to read him — his body language, to see if perhaps this _was_ going to lead elsewhere.

In their relationship so far, Olivia had initiated many of their "firsts." Fitz had initiated their first kiss, although Olivia was pretty sure part of his reasoning to do so was to silence her never-ending rambling. And even so, he had practically surprised himself at his sudden action.

And anything past second base, were things Olivia had initiated. She had touched him first. She had gone down on him first. She'd told him she wanted him first.

She was less experienced, no doubt. But the only reason for that was because she was younger. And it wasn't to say she didn't get nervous about these things. She was human — she did. But she was also much bolder than Fitz. Much more adventurous. She had a much easier time just going for things she wanted, if of course, he wanted them too.

The only reason he was more experienced was because he was older.

Because otherwise, he was reserved. Quiet. Hesitant. Shy.

And she was none of those things.

Those things would never change. It took him a little longer than her to open up. To be comfortable. To be intimate with her. She remembered months ago, how hesitant he was even to touch her ass, or her upper thighs. He'd gotten there, of course. But it had taken some time.

She could see it now, on his face. She could see his nerves. She could see his internal debate, on whether or not he should. But she could also see the want in his eyes. She could see...the _desire _and the_ hunger, _after the kisses and the wandering hands.

And she saw the moment he made a decision.

His eyes flickered down her body quickly, and right back up again.

And he began to kneel down, dragging his fingers along her body slowly.

She inhaled sharply, watching him lower himself to his knees. She was wearing a cute black shirt tucked into a pair of high-waisted jeans with one of her most favorite belts ever, and his fingers stopped sliding as soon as they hit that belt.

He started undoing it slowly and she raised her eyebrows in surprise.

_Oh, so this was happening?_

She couldn't help but smirk as he undid her pants and pushed them down slowly, kissing the top of her underwear.

She watched him like a hawk; eyeing his every move, his every instinct.

She watched him completely remove her jeans, leg by leg, while he looked up at her almost the entire time.

She watched him tease her with her underwear on.

She watched the nerves disappear from his face, and the desire heighten.

A soft smile spread across his face the second she moved her hands down to his cheeks, tilting his head up to look at her again. He smiled at her as he slid her underwear down slowly.

She silently thanked the heavens for choosing the underwear she'd chosen that day. A white silky pair, that were now sliding down her thighs with ease.

After she stepped slowly out of them, his eyes shifted back down. He let out a staggered breath, being so close to her now half-naked body again. She hadn't been entirely positive what he wanted to do — although she'd had an idea, which was just then confirmed.

He leaned in and kissed her just above her clit, but trailed his lips down immediately. And with that, she drew a sharp gasp, and her grip on him tightened. Her hands held firm to the sides of his face, but she slowly moved them up further to rake her fingers through his curly hair.

She had to admit, the view of him kissing her down there was a good one. Especially because of his current position.

In a full suit, on his knees.

And his hair, God, his soft, styled hair — his curls, long and thick.

It probably wouldn't be styled for long, though. Not based on what his mouth was doing to her right now and how hard she was gripping.

His eyes were now closed, and he was using his tongue. The way it moved; the way he used it so gently and perfectly.

_Wow._

She was steadily breathing now, watching him. But a large gasp and moan escaped from her lips when he lifted up her right leg to open her wider for him.

"My shoulder," he murmured, licking his way across this now open area he'd created for himself.

She was panting heavier now as she nodded, following his quiet directions. She let her leg, bent at the knee, rest on his shoulder. Meanwhile, his tongue was now slipping inside of her.

His tongue was warm, and leaving a wetness all over her that was now mixing with her own. This was everything she had dreamed about. Everything and _more. _

So good. It was _so _good. And the moan that left her mouth next let him know exactly that. It was loud, and mixed in with something that could have resembled his name, but she was too pleasured — too gone — to form any sort of recognizable word.

The moan made him open his eyes, and look up at her satisfied face. She was currently as far back against the wall as she could be, leaning the back of her head against it in pleasure. Her eyes were closed now, and her fingers were clutching his hair so hard, trying to pull his face impossibly closer to her.

It hurt, actually. She was pulling hard, and he knew she didn't even know it. She wasn't trying to.

But he wanted her to pull harder. He wanted her to moan louder.

He opened his mouth wider against her skin, letting his tongue roam further. Tasting her. Exploring her in so many ways he shouldn't be right now; but it felt so good to do it.

The moans coming from her mouth made his dick twitch in his pants. What a beautiful sound it was.

His hands had been doing a few different things. At first he hadn't focused on what they were doing, wanting to aim all his attention toward what his mouth was doing.

They had been wrapped around her, pulling her body to his mouth. Palming her ass, because she liked that. On her hips, gripping her tightly.

But now he brought them into the equation. He brought his fingers up to his mouth, wetting them with his tongue before allowing them to slide underneath her body. He used two to feel around, but not quite inside of her yet. He wanted to tease her a little more than he already had.

He rubbed around her entrance, watching the effect it had on her body. He saw the involuntary widening of her legs; she couldn't go much further because she was standing up against the wall. But oh man, he could only imagine how wide she could get for him if they were on a bed.

He kind of liked this though, so he didn't want to move her.

She was almost whimpering, rolling her hips slightly against his face. She was right where he wanted her to be. Desperately wanting his tongue to keep swirling around her clit, but also wanting to feel him inside of her. God, it was sexy. But she was becoming more and more restless, that was for sure.

"Thought you liked teasing," he murmured, before slowly licking her clit. He dragged his tongue from bottom to top, before just flicking his tongue across it back and forth.

Oh, did she like that.

She opened her eyes finally at his words, looking down at him with such a look of awe on her face.

"I…I…ohhh," she moaned, leaning her head back against the wall.

"I'm taking that as a yes," he whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her clit.

She started to laugh breathlessly against the wall, shaking her head. She remembered their discussion of teasing that they'd had once, while they were laying in her bed at his house.

Oh, how long ago that had been. Back when they'd barely done anything.

And now he was eating her out against her bedroom wall.

He chuckled against her skin too, at the sound of her laugh. He knew she liked it, her body had given that away entirely. But of course, there was only so much teasing one could endure.

So he quit teasing her and sucked her clit into his mouth, and slid a finger inside her. She was so wet at this point, his finger glided effortlessly in, and right back out.

The gasp when he did that was exactly what he wanted to hear.

One of her hands tightened in his curls, and the other one smacked against the wall abruptly as he thrust his finger in and out of her. He added another too.

She panted loudly, so he went faster. He went harder. He gave it his absolute all.

His fingers and his mouth at the same time — she loved that.

The second she started to shake against him, he developed a sense of pride. It was so sexy, and so breathtaking to watch.

Breathtaking for her too. Literally.

The combination of her panting, her moans, her tight grip on him, and her shaking, had him hard in his pants. But he wasn't concerned with himself.

He just focused on her as he continued to learn what she liked.

The final phrase that spilled out of her mouth while he was going down on her was at least somewhat understandable. She was shaking and panting, and looking like she could orgasm at any moment, but he could make out what she was saying.

"Fitz...yes — yes, please, Fitz. There. There — "

It came out in somewhat of a stuttered, rambled sentence that was followed by the loud moans of her reaching her orgasm. Finally.

And every time he made her orgasm, he couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Every time; didn't matter what kind of orgasm it was or how he got her there.

All he could think about was her confession to him after they'd first had sex; that he had given her what she'd never felt before. How cute and longingly she looked at him after he got her there. It was like he held something that only _he_ could give to her. Hearing what she'd said, it certainly felt that way. And that made him happy as hell. He wasn't ashamed to smile.

He slowly stood up and leaned down, watching her pant. He stroked the sides of her face with his thumbs, smiling at her as she finally opened her eyes to look at him.

"You're kidding me right now," she whispered with a laugh, breathing fast.

He started to smile and chuckle. "I hope that means…good things."

"Jesus Christ, so many good things," she nodded breathlessly. "I mean…I don't…I don't even know what to say, Fitz, besides holy…fuck."

He was blushing now, seeing her so flustered. Because he knew why she was so flustered, and he was taking that as the highest form of compliment.

"Your hair…you might have to fix it a little bit," she whispered, running her fingers through it with a quiet laugh.

His curls were completely unstyled and out of control at the moment.

"That's okay," he chuckled. "That means I did something right."

"You absolutely did," she panted with a nod.

She let out a deep breath and smiled at him. He was already so close to her, so near her face that he didn't have to lean far to kiss her.

He immediately slipped his tongue into her mouth the second she kissed him back. He wanted her to taste herself on his mouth, and clearly, she wasn't shy to kiss him back after what had just occurred.

"Mmm," he moaned, reaching down and gripping her hips. He pressed himself into her naked body, which was probably way more agonizing for _him,_ considering she'd already reached an orgasm and he was hard as a rock and hadn't.

"Do you have time?" she whispered, reaching between their bodies and starting to massage him.

He exhaled against her mouth, gently pulling on her bottom lip.

"I...I probably...don't. I...I shouldn't," he whispered regrettably. He internally groaned because her hand felt so good, even through all the clothes he had on. And he had time. Just not all that much. Not for a Friday, when he usually got home early.

"Okay," she whispered understandingly, slowing down her hand. Her eyes flickered to his, to see if she should stop.

It looked like he could use it. She wanted to, and knew he did too. Clearly.

But he didn't have that much time and she respected that. Especially considering he'd just dedicated most of his time to going down on her.

He steadily breathed, watching her slow down her massaging hand a little bit.

"Little longer?" she asked quietly, smiling up at him.

He nodded silently, leaning his head down on her shoulder.

She smiled, using her free hand to stroke his curls that were now so close by. Remembering another time he had been in this position; leaning on her shoulder while she touched him.

"Hmmmm," she giggled. "I'm having some déjà vu here."

He started to chuckle and nod in agreement.

"The basement couch?"

"The basement couch," she nodded. "Great night."

"One of the best," he agreed. "Doesn't beat, um...the night of the 19th, though."

"The 19th?" she asked questionably. "Don't you mean...the 20th?"

"No. I do not," he shook his head.

She raised an eyebrow. "The 19th..."

"...Was the night I told you I loved you. And you said you loved me back."

Her face softened and she looked up at him sweetly. "Oh my God. Are you kidding? You're going to be that soft and adorable when I'm standing here rubbing your dick through your pants?"

He started to smile, trying to keep in his laughter. So then she had to try and do the same — her smile growing bigger.

They both failed.

They were in a fit of laughter, looking at each other.

"You're so funny," he chuckled.

"Well, here I am thinking you were talking about the night we did the deed. My thoughts instantly turned sexual, I apologize about that," she laughed.

"Don't apologize. I'm not saying the 20th wasn't also one of the best nights ever. It was. I'd say they're very equal. Just wasn't what…came to my mind just now. Surprisingly."

"Surprisingly," she giggled, leaning her head against his chest.

"Yes," he chuckled. "I can't really stand here and pretend my thoughts of you and our time together…_don't _turn…sexual. That happens to me quite often. Many...many times, uh...daily."

She was laughing, looking up at his face which was slowly turning red now at his confession.

"You are so cute. I'm glad I'm not the only one," she said, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

He gratefully accepted her kiss on the cheek and smiled at her, as she pulled her hand reluctantly away from his pants.

"I better stop teasing you now," she laughed, wrapping her arms around him.

"Um...yeah," he chuckled, reaching down to adjust himself. _Heavily_ adjust himself.

She laughed quietly at the entire incident before he wrapped his arms around her too.

"Okay. I should...I should probably go. But just...kiss me for a few seconds, before I do."

"I can definitely do that," she said, pulling him toward her. "That's not gonna help with how hard you are right now, though, by the way."

"I'm fully aware of that and I accept it," he nodded, pulling her closer as she laughed.

He immediately captured her lips in a deep kiss, pressing her back into the wall again.

"Mm," he moaned, sliding his tongue inside her mouth.

She gratefully brushed his right back with her own.

But sadly, that was their last little moment before he really did go.

She put her remaining clothes back on and he washed his hands and made sure his dress clothes and hair looked...normal.

And then he was kissing her reluctantly by the door, both of them giving each other _reminders _before he had to leave.

"I love you," she murmured, pressing a long kiss to his lips.

"I love you so much," he whispered back.

"I'll miss you. And...I love you," she said again, laughing slightly.

"I love you, Liv," he chuckled, tightening his grip around her body. "And I'll miss you too. But...I'll text you tonight. Okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, standing on her tiptoes again, waiting for a kiss.

He smiled, leaning down and pecking her lips.

"I'll see you next week. Monday morning?"

"Monday morning," she agreed, running her hand down his chest. "I'll be counting the days. Like I always do."

"Me too," he nodded.

"Here, I'll walk you out."

She walked him the few feet to the back stairwell, and down the stairs, next to the back door on the first floor.

"Alright. Have a good weekend, okay?" he said.

"Thanks, smiley. You too," she replied. "I wish I could say...'say hi to Karen for me,' but..."

He nodded solemnly, but then smiled softly. "Text her. She is always _so_ happy when you do."

"Oh, I will absolutely do that," she smiled back.

He chuckled. "You're the sweetest."

"Back at you," she replied, squeezing his hand.

"Thanks. Bye you," he said, giving her one last kiss. Their goodbyes were always filled with endless kisses.

"Bye," she answered, smiling.

While reluctant, he really did have to leave. He had a long commute home, which did cut in on some of their time.

She went back up to her suite, already missing him and thinking she'd probably have to do something with her friends this weekend or else she'd be stuck alone and _bored_ in her suite for a couple days.

Fitz, on the other hand, headed home.

The crazy range of emotions he always felt about Olivia was so overpowering, especially getting back from a visit like..._that._

This feeling of complete and utter sexual attraction all the Goddamn time. He hadn't been lying when he told her his thoughts turned sexual when he thought about her.

He had never once experienced this type of chemistry. This type of sexual attraction.

Maybe it was the fact that they both had been interested in each other from essentially day one and he had never experienced that. Or perhaps it was the fact that they loved each other, and he didn't have experience with that either.

Or perhaps it was the fact that it was Olivia. And Olivia was just...different.

He didn't know. But the number of times he caught himself thinking about what they'd done. The things he _could_ do to her. The things maybe she'd want to do to _him_. Holy shit.

Today had been amazing, and it was certainly not a new situation for him. He'd been in that position before. He'd felt pleasured, desperate hands in his hair before.

To be quite honest, he knew he was good at it — what he'd done to Olivia today. He just knew, based on past experiences, that he could do it well.

But _nothing_ compared to how pleasured Olivia had been. How he made her moan. The way she tasted.

Nothing would ever compare to _anything_ revolving around Olivia.

He sometimes wished he wouldn't feel guilty about that. He'd gotten used to it. But he knew that it wouldn't totally go away. He couldn't change that, and it was part of the reason he kind of just wanted Mellie to know everything.

It scared him too, that was for sure. But it did nag at him that here he was, coming home on the train from "work," which wasn't the truth at all. When he was really coming from another woman's place. With the taste of her on his mouth, the scent of her on his body, and her on his mind.

It didn't matter that his and Mellie's relationship sucked, he physically could not _not_ feel like an asshole about that.

But this was what he wanted. As Olivia often mentioned, he signed up for all of this the second he kissed her that first night. He knew what he was getting himself into when he stopped denying things. And he sure as hell wasn't going to stop seeing Olivia. Because just like he physically couldn't not feel bad about it, he also physically couldn't be away from her anymore. He just didn't want to, and it made him _more_ anxious when he couldn't be with her now.

It hurt him to think of her having to wait for him. This situation was difficult for her, too. It wasn't just him. She deserved only the best. And yet, through all of this mess, she was only ever kind and understanding.

She was everything to him. Everything.

And tonight, he was making another step toward that.

When he got home, he immediately went upstairs to change. Not that that was that abnormal, sometimes he changed right away, and sometimes he didn't. It depended on how he was feeling that night, whether he wanted to cook dinner in his dress clothes or change and relax a bit first.

But tonight he didn't want to take any chances. Any chances that he smelled like her, or that his clothes were more wrinkled than they should have been.

It was something he still couldn't believe he was thinking about — that this was really something he was doing right now in his life. But hopefully soon, he could quit with the lies and the pretending, and have the life he wanted. The life he'd always wanted.

God, it felt so close, yet so far.

To his surprise, Mellie asked him what he wanted from a nearby restaurant she was ordering from to be delivered for dinner.

A night off from cooking — he wouldn't complain about that. Every once in a while that was nice, even though he loved cooking.

And after dinner, when Karen went to play on her iPad upstairs after Fitz and Mellie helped her out with some of her homework, he saw his opening.

Mellie was having a little red wine. It was Friday night, so he thought he'd indulge a little bit too. Why not.

So he poured himself a drink, and for the first time in a long while, he went to sit next to her in the sunroom. The sunroom that was just her space, really — an unspoken rule. Just as Fitz had his space in the basement and that was mostly where he spent time, both before and after Olivia — the sunroom was where she spent hers.

She looked up curiously when he entered the room, drink in one hand and the other hand stuffed in his pocket.

"What?" she asked.

He chuckled. "It's funny that…you knew I had to have come in here for a reason. I know it's your space. But…still."

She raised her eyebrows. "Well…you did come in here for a reason, I assume, right?"

"I did," he agreed. "You're not wrong. I just think it's funny how...ass backward this is — the fact that you know I'm in here for a reason. Because we never just sit and chat anywhere — that would be weird for us."

She started to laugh.

"Oh Lord, baby, what time did you start drinking today?"

"Don't call me that," he shook his head, sitting down next to her on the couch.

She looked at him and shook her head with a big eye roll.

"Alright. What's wrong with you today, _Fitz?"_ she asked, correcting herself with a very sarcastic emphasis.

He took a sip of his drink and looked at her. He said it with all the confidence in the world, even if he didn't quite feel it.

"I want to have a conversation."

"A conversation — a conversation about what?" she asked casually, sipping her red wine as she looked through her magazine.

"Us," he answered simply. "Our relationship. Our marriage. Which...well, I'm not sure if I should even really call it that. But sure, to start, let's say our marriage."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she quietly snapped back, not even looking his way.

They were both speaking quietly, for Karen's sake. But this was probably a much better place to chat than their bedroom upstairs, considering that was near Karen's. At least the sunroom was a whole floor away.

"Umm..." he began, giving her an odd look. "I don't know. What part of our relationship is actually a marriage, Mell? Can you even answer that?"

She gave him a dumb look.

"Fitz. If you have a point, make it. I don't have the patience for this, it's been a long week."

"That _is_ my point. I'm asking you a question and...for once in your life I'd like you to answer me. I'd really like to have an actual, productive conversation with you. Please. You're...an intelligent, and talkative person. I'm not sure why that's so hard for you to do with me."

_"Me? _Are you_ kidding?"_ she asked, boggled. "Fitzgerald, I have no problem talking. You're the one who prefers not to speak to a single soul all day."

He sighed, shaking his head. "See? See what you just did? We're not talking about me. We're not talking about…the endless flaws you think that I have. I asked you a question and you deflected — like you always do when we start having a conversation about...us. For once I would like you to _not_ deflect."

"I don't deflect. I just don't feel the need to engage in a pointless conversation we have no reason to engage in," she shrugged.

"You _absolutely_ deflect, that is a fact, and this conversation _clearly_ has a reason if you take into account how many times I try and make it happen."

She was sighing and huffing, but he didn't even give her a chance to comment something snide back, he just jumped on her again.

"Let me ask a different question," he began with a nod. "How long do you realistically think our...relationship...will last?"

Now she looked at him like he was insane. "There's no 'how long.' It's a relationship for a reason. Having it last was a very large part of said reason."

He sighed, shaking his head at her.

"Okay. Then answer me this. What kind of relationship is it?" he asked.

She chuckled, scanning the page she was reading.

"Well, one thing's for certain, it was much better a couple months ago before you started sleeping in the _damn_ basement. Do you know how _lucky_ we are that K hasn't seen you doing that?" she asked.

Now it was _his _turn to chuckle. "Do you know how lucky we are that she hasn't started getting weary about us before _now?_ Or actually, maybe we _are_ lucky she spoke up now. Maybe now, we have the chance to put a stop to this before she really gets hurt."

"Oh my Lord, you really still think she's thinking about that? Something she said one night out of the blue because she thought you were _sad?"_ she asked.

"Yes. I do. Because she's got a lot of me in her, and I know how my own mind works. She's thinking about it," he nodded.

"She's strong. Every child worries about things. Big things or small things. And just because we've had one little hiccup doesn't mean this is all going to go down in a big ball of flames, Fitz. And she's smart. She knows that, even if _you_ don't," Mellie snapped quietly.

"You're right on one thing — I _would_ prefer it didn't go down in a ball of flames. I'd prefer it ended peacefully."

"You're being ridiculous," she whispered. But her voice was slightly raised.

"No," he said, taking a sip of his drink. "I'm not. I'm telling you what's best for all of us right now. Every single one of us."

"We aren't having _this_ conversation. You know we don't have this conversation," she shook her head. He could tell she was trying to keep it together.

"We are. We're having it right now and we're not done."

"We sure as hell are. Karen is just upstairs."

"So don't fucking yell, and we'll be fine."

"Oh, it's that easy, is it? All we ever do is yell. Inevitably, no matter what, someone starts yelling," she said disgustedly.

_Hey, finally she said something that was true!_

"Also another part of my point," he agreed. "Come down to the basement then. Let's not act like our house isn't big enough to have a private conversation."

But that argument never worked. He could always try. But she wouldn't listen.

"You're seeming to forget that I don't have any _interest_ in this conversation," she replied.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead.

"You really don't get it?" he asked.

"Get _what?"_ she asked.

"You don't see it. You are so hooked on this idea of…of _perfection_ that you don't see the...the better option? The _healthier_ option?" Fitz asked. "You don't see what needs to happen. Or you do see it. You see it, and you're too proud to admit that you do, so you continue to put up this front. Which is it?"

She looked at him intently.

"So many questions for such a quiet man. What has gotten into you, baby?" she asked sarcastically.

_"Do not_ call me that."

"Good Lord, what is your problem? What's your fixation with that anyway? An entire decade and all of a sudden now's the time you're going to boycott sleeping in our bed and…stupid nicknames?" she sighed, rolling her eyes.

He _definitely_ wasn't going to comment on those things right now, in his best interest, but he _was_ going to take advantage of the fact that she was still somewhat having a conversation with him.

"Look, I didn't see it either. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I did. But I see it _now._ And you will too. You'll get there," he nodded confidently.

"Where will I get, exactly?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You'll get to where I am. You'll understand what needs to happen," he said.

"Nothing needs to happen. Nothing, except you need to quit sleeping in the damn basement and…going on about these 'options,' when we agreed years ago there was only _one_ option. And _this_ is that option."

"All those years ago when we were _19?"_ he whispered angrily.

"Yes, when we were 19, Fitz. And don't act like age means a _damn_ thing. We weren't stupid. Young, yes, but not stupid. What we chose was right. Karen has the best possible version of her life. This is what's best," she whispered back angrily.

"We weren't stupid. But smart people still make mistakes, Mellie. And we made one," he whispered back quickly. "Karen's life is good now. But imagine how fast it will go downhill when she _really_ starts to understand that her parents have been lying and pretending for her _entire_ life. Then how do you think she'll feel?"

"She won't —"

"She _will! _She already has!" he whispered, through clenched teeth. "Stop going in circles with me, _stop!"_

"Then stop bringing it up when you know how I feel about it? Of course, I'm going to go in circles — why do you think how I feel will change?!" she whispered.

"Because it changed for me!" he whispered. "It changed for me. What I want has _changed_, Mellie."

She looked at him angrily. "Well, unlike you, I still want to do what's best for my family. And that doesn't get to stop just because you don't want that anymore."

"That_ is _what I want!" he exclaimed quietly. "I have been in this with you for 10 years, Mell. Why would I want to propose something like this after all this time if I truly didn't think it was best?"

"You're proposing a _divorce," _she said, with such a pained look on her face. "In what world is that ever seen as a good thing? In what world does that seem like it would do anything but cause _heartache?!" _she whispered angrily. "I can't even — I don't...we don't talk about this. We do _not_ — no."

She got up, tossing her magazine back on the couch and leaving both her drink and him behind during her quiet fit of rage.

But he wasn't done.

"In our world, Mellie. In _our_ world, divorce would be the answer. In our world, it's what we need to do to prevent heartache. For all of us. But most importantly, heartache for her. The one who matters most to both of us."

She had stopped briefly by the door, listening to the last statement she let him make before she left the room.

"You don't want her to feel the way you felt as a child, I know," Fitz said. "But if we keep on with this, that's _exactly_ how she's going to feel down the road. It will be no different. We didn't see it before, and that's both of our faults. But I see it now. And it's time you do, too."

She saw the side of her face at his last statement, as she turned briefly to him.

And for the first time, he could see it on her face. Very brief. But it was there.

A look of worry. A look that reflected the fact that what he'd said, and how many times he'd said it, had maybe had an effect. It had gotten through.

Her face softened for a moment, but that didn't last long before it hardened again and she looked straight ahead again, heading out of the sunroom.

She was gone now, heading to their room, no doubt. And he wasn't going to try and push it all in one night. It wouldn't work. But he knew for sure he'd made progress today.

Another day of things he'd never said. Going further with it than he'd ever gone. Baby steps.

And for once, perhaps he was starting to get through. And he'd keep at it.

He'd get there. That much, he knew. Because he wasn't ever going to let it go, and she wasn't stupid. So, _so_ stubborn. But not stupid. At some point, she'd have to see it. She'd have to understand.

He only worried what it would take to snap her out of it.

God, it was so draining. Truly, he didn't know a conversation, even one that wasn't that long, could be so draining. Now, he just wanted to go downstairs and talk to Olivia.

But first, he wanted to check in on Karen upstairs. He heard Mellie up there right now. He couldn't hear them talking. But he'd heard the direction that she walked when she went upstairs, and figured she, like him, wanted to check in on her.

So when he heard her go back to their bedroom, he finished his drink and walked upstairs to see how Karen was doing. Or maybe, see if she wanted to read a little bit of the book she was currently reading to him, as they'd done a few times a week lately.

She _absolutely _wanted to do that.

While Karen was chippy, happily reading the third book in the Gregor The Overlander series to her dad, Mellie was in their bedroom probably upset, if he had to guess. And he was overwhelmed with thoughts, as usual. Although tonight had been a good step, It wasn't exactly pleasant, that was for sure.

_At least Karen was happy for now._

After three chapters of her book, Fitz told her it was probably about time to get ready for bed.

So, he decided to head downstairs. He didn't say a word to Mellie, although she probably wouldn't want to talk to him anyway. She was mad. She always was at him, it seemed. But this time, he hoped would perhaps lead him in the right direction.

He had a little hope in him after that conversation, he really did. So he relayed that to the woman he loved.

**Fitz: Hi you. **

**Olivia: Hi! How are you, baby?**

**Fitz: I'm okay. How's your night gone?**

**Olivia: Good. How about yours?**

**Fitz: We had a discussion, and I got through to her better than I normally do. They always end the same, so I'm letting her be now. But I didn't hold back much. Soon, I won't hold back anything. I'm just trying to ease into it as best I can. But I can't ease in forever, or she'll never listen. **

**Olivia: Yeah, I get that. That makes sense.**

**Fitz: We will get there, baby. I promise you that.**

**Olivia: I know we will, Fitz. I know.**

* * *

**There you go. Baby steps.**

**Just like canon Mellie, and _especially_ with the talk of divorce, this Mellie is _stubborn._ Whew!**

**Things will be happening in the near future. Stay tuned!**

**Hope you're enjoying the bumpy, messy ride. **

**Read on, **

**~T**


	19. I Have to Tell Her

**Hey, friends. Just a kind warning that this chapter does include content related to anxiety and its symptoms. Read on, if you feel comfortable to.**

* * *

"Ooooo, girl!" Olivia laughed, pointing at Greta. "You like him."

"What?!" Greta exclaimed. "Noooo."

"I'm no good at reading girls, it's very difficult. But I would have to say you do, indeed, like him," Stephen agreed.

"Stephen, keep your super fun accent out of this! Come on, I thought we were friends!" Greta exclaimed.

"Sorry," he cleared his throat. "Okay, I'll talk in my best American accent. How's this?"

_It was actually pretty good!_

"I'm impressed," Olivia laughed, along with Greta. "Okay, that was weird, though, go back to your normal self."

"Yeah, please do, you're not Stephen without it," Greta added.

"Okay, good, because that was really hard, actually," Stephen said, reverting to his normal, very _Scottish,_ accent.

"I bet. I couldn't even begin to _try_ and imitate your accent," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"Neither could I," Greta agreed.

"How about _Mikko's?"_ Stephen smirked. "His…how did you describe his accent?"

"Ahh, right, right, his _adorable, cute, little Finnish accent,"_ Olivia recalled, pointing at Greta.

"Agh! Okay, well it _is_ super cute, don't even tell me I'm wrong!" Greta exclaimed.

"I never said you were wrong, I think it's cute, but I think you like a little more than just his _accent," _Olivia smirked.

"I mean…he's a wizard at science and you know what science does to me," Greta said, raising an eyebrow.

"If a subject could give a woman an orgasm…science would do it for you," Stephen nodded.

"Mhm, now imagine a _man_ who also appreciates science. Not only that…he _believes_ in it," Greta said, amazed. "Now _that_…is a concept."

"God, you're so right on that," Olivia agreed.

"Uh…do American men not believe in science?" Stephen asked.

Greta and Olivia looked at each other and laughed.

"We're not going to generalize…but…no comment," Greta said.

"Agreed," Olivia laughed.

"Ugh, it's so hard to be attracted to men. Why can't I just be into women and women only? I would save myself so much trouble," Greta sighed.

"I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not attracted to men. What's even attractive about us? We give ourselves such a bad name," Stephen said.

"_Who even knows," _Greta said, throwing her arms up.

"Oh, yes you do. You love particular adorable, cute, little Finnish accents," Olivia nodded.

"I'm never going to live that one down, am I?" Greta giggled.

"Probably not," Olivia answered.

"Which apartment does he live in again?" Stephen asked, looking at their neighbors spreadsheet with names and contact information on it. The "friendly neighbors" list.

"On our floor, all the way down the hall," Great answered.

"Yeah. Last one on the left, right?" Olivia asked, twisting her curls as she lounged sideways on one of their chairs.

"Mhm," Greta nodded.

"Let's see...Mikko Hokkanen," Stephen read, scanning their friendly neighbors list. "And his suitemate, Joel Virtanen."

"It's actually pronounced 'Juul'," Olivia spoke up.

"Juul," Stephen pronounced carefully. "He must be Finnish too then? That doesn't sound American."

"Yes. Have you ever heard two more Finnish names?" Greta laughed. "They're friends. Both from the same high school in Helsinki, I believe."

"That's amazing," Olivia nodded. "Joel is really nice. I haven't officially met Mikko yet but I do know what he looks like."

"I don't think I do honestly. I'm sure I've seen him in our building, I just don't know which one he is," Stephen said.

"Really pale, super blonde, and pretty tall," Greta said.

"Oh wait, I know that guy!" Stephen exclaimed.

"He's fairly noticeable," Olivia laughed. "You two would make super cute babies, I'm already crossing my fingers for you two."

"Well, I have to, like...have a few conversations with him first before we start having babies," Greta laughed.

"Oh, really? Is that...is that how that works?" Olivia asked, which had both Stephen and Greta cracking up.

"Oh, Liv. You always give me a good laugh," Greta giggled.

"I try, I try," Olivia nodded, pulling out her phone and seeing a response from Shawn. She was currently texting her best friend back home — just catching up. School talk, Marcus talk, Fitz talk. The usual.

"Alright. I have to go FaceTime my lab partner and work on my post-lab write up," Stephen sighed, getting up from his comfortable spot on the floor full of lots of blankets and pillows.

They didn't have much space in their suite so floor space was very valuable.

"Ewww, not jealous," Greta said, giving him a wave. "Bye!"

"Me neither," Olivia agreed. "Bye, Stevie."

"Bye ladies," he announced. "Hey, dinner later, yes?"

"Yes," the girls said in unison. "I'll see if Huck still wants to venture over and eat with us too," Olivia added.

"Sweet. See ya later," he said, opening their front door.

"See yaaaa."

"Adiós."

Olivia went back to texting, and Greta smiled.

"Boyfriend?" Greta asked, nodding to Olivia's phone.

She was rapid-fire texting and smiling — because she was texting _about_ Fitz — so it was a very fair guess.

"My best friend at home actually," Olivia replied with a laugh.

"Ohh, my bad!" Greta exclaimed.

Olivia felt her cheeks grow warm though, as an embarrassed smile formed on her face.

They did live together, so naturally, Greta knew there was a guy in her life. Olivia had said as much the very first time Greta asked, without giving anything away. But she had acknowledged to her that there was, indeed, a guy.

Greta never pushed the subject. Whether or not she sensed that Olivia wasn't ready to talk about him quite yet or not, Olivia wasn't sure. But she appreciated that Greta was perfectly content to know there was a guy and nothing else.

But she did ask a question just then.

"Will I have the honor of meeting...boyfriend...someday?" Greta asked with a smile.

Olivia started to laugh, and nodded. "Of course you will! I'd love for you to meet someday."

_That seemed vague enough, right?_

"Sweet, I'm honored!" Greta said. "Alright, I know you're private about him so that's all I'll ask!"

Olivia looked at her with a smile and a nod. "I am...a little private about him."

"Hey, more power to you," Greta shrugged. "It's certainly none of my business. I'm just..._so_ happy you're my roomie and I've really enjoyed getting to know you. And I just know that..._boyfriend_ is the luckiest guy, because you're just...such an amazing person."

"Greta, what the hell," Olivia laughed, shielding her eyes. "I hate crying and you're really about to make me do it!"

"Oh, shit, that's right, you hate crying," Greta said with a laugh. "I'm the exact opposite. I see someone give someone else a hug or something and I'm in tears instantly."

They both started laughing and Olivia smiled brightly at her.

"That's very sweet! And I've really enjoyed getting to know you as well. I am so thankful you're my roomie. It feels like I've known you so much longer than I really have!" Olivia exclaimed. "And by the way, I am certain that you and Mikko are going to happen. So...when it does, _he_ will be lucky."

"Girl, you are the positive, optimistic energy I have always needed in my life," Greta said, laughing.

Yeah. She had to rely on her positivity and optimism these days, especially when it came to..."boyfriend."

"Hey, I'm just speaking the truth," Olivia shrugged.

"Well thank you. I'll keep you updated on Mikko. I just...I don't know him well at all. We've barely said a word to each other but...I feel this weird...thing? I don't know. I'm probably nuts. But he just looks at me a certain way, and...I don't know. He makes me feel weird. In a _good_ way. I don't know how to describe it, I just know it's something new and something...important. Do you...get what I mean, or am I super crazy?"

Certain looks. New feelings. An inability to describe it. And all of that even without many words being exchanged? _Yep._

"Oh, Greta," Olivia laughed. "I know _exactly_ what you mean. You're not crazy. At all. _Feelings_ are what are crazy. They are...so strange."

"They really are," she agreed. "And super distracting."

_Another big yep._

"Mmmhm," Olivia nodded with wide eyes.

Greta smiled at her. "We get each other."

"We get each other," Olivia nodded in agreement.

She sighed, finally looking over at her laptop on their table. "Okay. Ready to study?"

"Absolutely," Olivia agreed, putting her phone away.

She'd continue texting Shawn later. It was very important, after all — Fitz talk always was. Especially to Shawn, her number one supporter who always loved hearing how things were going, and giving advice when needed.

And she wasn't the only best friend who was a good listener and advice-giver.

Miss Abigail Whelan was just as supportive of Fitz, and he was in need of it these days. The past couple days, especially, as he'd been keeping Abby in the loop about all of his recent discussions with his wife.

There had been _multiple_ discussions lately. He'd kept at it, that was for sure.

And later that same night, he was back at it again — conversing with Mellie in their closet.

Well, actually, it had progressed to yelling already. _Quiet_ yelling.

"You never fucking listen to me," Fitz said, shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

He was over this.

"What can I say — maybe I'm not used to it. We've been together 10 years and you've only recently seemed to have found your words," Mellie shot back. "And they sure as hell aren't words I wanna hear."

"Please, _for the love of God_, if you're going to deflect like you normally do, can you at least pick a new flaw of mine to make fun of? I'm getting pretty Goddamn tired of that one."

"Ahhh, so he's a smartass now too? So many new facets of you, baby, this truly is interesting," she said.

He grew annoyed, because he truly wasn't a smartass by nature. Perhaps she brought it out in him.

And he _winced_ at "baby" coming out of her mouth, yet again. She said it almost condescendingly, even though she knew he hated it now. She didn't know why he did. She probably thought since he wanted to be done with her, he just didn't want to hear endearments from her anymore.

She didn't know the real reason. She didn't know that he wanted to throw up when it came out of _her_ mouth. She didn't know that it was only reserved for one woman, and that woman was _not_ her. She may have been the first one to call him "baby," but she sure as hell wasn't the one he wanted to hear it from.

"Hey, here's a thought, if you despise me so much, why'd you ever think it would be a great idea to stay with me to begin with? Seems like a _great_ environment to continue to raise a child in together," he said sarcastically.

_Shit, okay, maybe he was a smartass._

She laughed. "Oh, Fitz, I've stayed with you because you knocked me up with said child, I thought we've been over that," she said sassily. "Although I have to admit, the things you can do to a woman in the bedroom are _such_ a nice perk. Don't they always say the shy ones are the best in bed? At least you've got that going for you."

He shot her an annoyed look and turned his head away from her in literal disgust.

"You literally will do anything to avoid a normal, mature conversation, won't you?" he asked.

"First of all, you're the one who cornered me in our damn closet to start this conversation, so don't stand there and talk down to me about avoiding conversations or maturity," she shot back. "All I was trying to do was change after my relaxing shower, and here you are to ruin it all."

"I didn't corner you. I asked if I could come in, and you said yes. And I wouldn't have to do these...ridiculous things if you'd agree to have a conversation with me? All we have to do is go somewhere more private. And you refuse _every time."_

"This isn't private enough for you? We're in our walk-in closet and I'm in nothing but my robe. Seems plenty private to me," she said sarcastically, shimmying her robe off.

He eyed her annoyedly as she stepped out of it, now completely naked and searching for clothes to put on.

He rolled his eyes and shook his head at her.

"Oh, now you go quiet? Come on — I give you a chance to talk, and you say nothing?" she asked, slipping on some underwear. "Why am I not surprised."

"You didn't always...treat me this way," he stated, leaning against the door, looking at her.

She looked up at him, giving him an odd look. "What on _earth_ are you talking about?"

"I mean, _you didn't always treat me this way._ Not in the beginning."

"Treat you what way?" she snapped back, clasping her bra into place.

"You aren't a bad person," he shook his head, crossing his arms. "You are...the best mother to our daughter. No matter what, I always know you have her best interest at heart. You love her more than anything, just like I do. You're the best sister to Harmony. The best...daughter to your mother. The best nurse to your patients. The best friend to your girlfriends. You're...a good person. You're kind. You have a good heart. But when it comes to me, that person...disappears. It was there once, when...we were young. But I haven't seen her in our marriage for a long time. You..._despise_ me."

"That's ridiculous," she shot back.

"Is it?" he asked, giving her a "really?" look.

"You're being dramatic," she huffed, slipping into a pair of silk pajamas.

"Oh, I — _I'm_ being dramatic?" Fitz asked with a laugh. "My God, Mellie. Why don't you think about it before insinuating things. When was the last time we even had a nice conversation? One that wasn't fucking...pretend? One where we weren't at each other's throats? One that was...real?"

She eyed him angrily, but didn't answer.

Because she couldn't. _He_ didn't even have the answer. That was his point.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed quietly, throwing his hands in the air. "You don't even know! _I_ don't even know!"

"Why does that fucking matter to you?" she asked. "We've done this for so long — we've learned? We've learned how to do this? Why are you so Goddamn fixated on the ins and outs of our relationship all of a sudden?"

"Because! I should have have been fixated on it a long time ago! _You_ should have, too. And not...not just for us. For K, too. She should have gotten to grow up in a _real_ happy environment. Something that was real. And yes, even if that means with...divorced parents. At least it would have been _real_. And...it still can be, Mell."

"You're out of your mind," Mellie laughed, shaking her head.

"How come? Because I'm finally thinking about...the bigger picture?" he asked.

"No. Because you're thinking about you. And _only_ you," she snapped.

"You're right. I am thinking about me," he said. "For the first time in my life, I'm thinking about me, and...and my happiness. But I'm thinking about Karen too. I'm thinking about _you_, Mell. You deserve so much better than this, too. You deserve someone you can actually look at without being...fucking disgusted."

For the first time during the conversation, her face softened a bit. She looked at him like she was about to say he was wrong.

"I...I don't — "

"_Don't_ tell me I'm wrong," Fitz shook his head. "In here, we don't pretend. In here, we can yell and argue as much as we want. But...we don't pretend in here."

She exhaled quietly, looking at him curiously. But he continued talking, so all she was able to do was listen to him.

"We deserve better," he whispered. "You and me. We're still...so young. We've got so much of our lives ahead of us. And...we deserve something that isn't what we have _now_. What we have now is...laughable. And sad. And not the right way to live our lives."

She shook her head at him, looking at him almost in _pain_.

And for the first time in..._ever_, she hadn't said anything. She couldn't seem to speak. She just listened, and she actually listened intently.

"Don't...don't you want to...love someone?" he whispered, starting to walk toward her. "Don't you want to...feel that?"

She furrowed her eyebrows at him, completely silenced now. She shook her head at him, looking as though she was either going to pass out, or cry.

"Because I want to," he said. "I want to feel that."

He was on thin ice here. He wasn't lying, he _did_ want to feel that.

_Continue_ to feel that.

"Don't...don't you want to know what it's like to...to _be loved?"_ he whispered, standing close to her now.

She shook her head, and she sniffled slightly. "We..."

"Don't pretend," Fitz shook his head. "Not in here. Don't say the words that aren't true. Words that have _never_ been true between us."

"What we have..." she began shakily. "Is a family. And we love her. More than anything. That's...that's all that matters."

"No," he replied. "Mell. It isn't. That's what we told ourselves all those years ago. That's...what we forced ourselves to believe. You and I told ourselves we weren't important the _second_ we had someone else to think about. But that isn't true. Because...what is Karen going to learn, continuing to grow up in this environment. What does this...teach her?"

He had to take steady breaths, watching the changes that flashed across Mellie's face. Things he'd never seen before. He wanted to celebrate, truly. Because he knew for sure that he had gotten somewhere tonight.

He'd been fighting with her _all week_. All week. And finally. _Finally_, he'd reached yet another place he'd never gotten to before.

She looked sad. Lost. Worried.

"We matter," Fitz said gently to her. "You and I — we matter. What we want, matters."

"Yes, and what I _want_ is for Karen to...to be happy. I want her to have the best home life. Not anything like mine — " she said.

"I know. I know, Mell," he nodded. "I know you just want what's best for her. I hear you on that, okay? But...can you listen to me for a second, too? Can you please, just...hear _me_ now?"

She looked up at him, and he could physically see her agreeing. She looked down at the floor briefly, and gave the slightest nod, before looking back to him. Truly allowing him a chance to speak his mind. No sassy comments. No sarcastic responses.

He was given a chance.

"K deserves only the best. She deserves...the _truth_. She doesn't deserve lies. We've done too much of that. If we keep going on like this...pretending, lying...she will know. Even if she doesn't fully realize it now, she knows enough. And it will only get worse from here, Mell. She will only get older; get smarter. And...that's something we can't come back from. It'll be too late. But we have a chance _now_ to stop it. _This_ is our chance. She's still young enough. And...if we don't take this chance, she _will_ feel the way you felt as a child. She will feel..._exactly_ what you don't want her to feel. Lied to. Caught in the middle. Scarred."

Tears fell from Mellie's eyes, as she took in everything he was saying.

"The thought scares me too, Mell. It scares me, okay? In no way am I saying this is easy. It will be difficult. But...it's the right decision? And if we work together on this, it won't be as difficult. If we can just...be on the same side. If we could just be a team..."

But that's when she snapped out of it, with tear-filled eyes, and looked fearfully at him.

"A team..." she whispered, sounding almost afraid. "We need to be...a team. We _have_ always been, no matter what. We do what we have to do for her. We're...a team. We can't stop that. What...what will she think? How will she cope? It's too much. It's...it's...no. We can't. We...we can't."

"No, Mell, listen to me," he shook his head, grabbing her arm gently.

But she ripped it away, wiping her tears and heading toward the closed closet door.

"You're right, Fitz," she admitted with a sniffle, wiping her face. "We're not perfect for each other. We're not...meant to be. But we are a team. And...that stops, if we end. And that can't stop. She needs that. For Karen's sake, that...that can't stop."

"Mellie, we can still be a team — "

"No. We...no. We make this work. We do what we've always done. What we've _learned_ to do. We make it work for her. We had your conversation, Fitz. We've had it a million times now, it seems. And this is the last time. I'm done with them now. We're done," she said, opening the door.

"No — "

But she was gone. Out of their closet. Out of the place where they didn't pretend, and back into the open — where they _did_ pretend.

He sighed, taking a few steps back toward the wall by the door.

He could hear that she'd completely left their bedroom, as it was utterly silent now all around him. He put his hands up to his face and slowly sunk down to the floor.

He bent his knees and rubbed his eyes, sitting there against the wall in thought.

It was hard to stay patient, and stay optimistic. It was hard to be gentle about it, and have an adult conversation with someone so stubborn. So close-minded on this particular matter.

He was losing his patience now, and it was all getting old. Clearly he was getting through bit by bit, but even after he got through to her — she would always return to her previous mindset. She would get scared, and revert back to what she knew. Her stubbornness would emerge even stronger than before. It always ended the same.

One of them got upset and left — usually her — with this particular fight. And she would be unapproachable for at least a whole night.

And he would always apologize if he said something that warranted an apology. But he would never back down, not anymore. They'd had conversations surrounding divorce a lot the past weeks. He had to admit that Mellie was right; they'd had the conversation he wanted to have, multiple times. She'd heard almost everything he had to say. She'd heard his point of view, his reasoning. He was done "easing in" at this point — they were fully there. The discussions happened constantly, but only initiated on his end.

But it was hard to have a conversation with someone who didn't want to listen to what he had to say right from the get go.

There was only one thing left he had to say to her. There was only one thing, at this point, that he had yet to bring up.

Olivia.

The never-ending internal problem he faced. To tell her, or not to tell her.

From the beginning, his gut had always told him one thing: he needed to tell her. He wanted to be fucking _done_ with secrets. He'd kept one of the biggest ones of his life from his own daughter, and all it did was cause problems, and make him feel like shit.

And so did making up random excuses to go see Olivia. He wanted to be done. He didn't want any more lies or pretending. He wanted to live in his truth.

He wanted Karen to know. He even wanted his mother to know. And he wanted Mellie to know.

He feared how long this battle could take, and how long he would be making up excuses in order to see his girlfriend. He feared Mellie somehow finding out another way. He feared not being the one to tell her, himself.

If he was doing something as dishonorable as cheating on his wife, he sure as hell wanted to be the one to tell her so. He wanted to be the one to try and explain it to Karen, too, when the time came. He knew it wouldn't make up for his actions in any way, but them finding out from someone that was not him wasn't an option in his mind.

But he also feared what would happen when he told Mellie, too. Every time he played it out in his head, deciding how he might go about it, he started to sweat and fidget. His heart raced, and he grew extremely anxious. He feared how she would react. What she would do.

He had no idea how she would take it. Truly. He assumed it would be bad, no matter when or how he told her. But he hadn't ever foreseen himself cheating on her, so he had to admit, imagining how she might react now was difficult.

He sat there in the closet thinking. _Over_thinking, and stressed. Rubbing his eyes and already feeling the onset of a headache.

After letting out a huge sigh, and tapping the back of his head against the closet wall, he got up slowly and annoyedly.

_In time, Fitz_, he thought. _In time._

Their bedroom was empty, as he assumed. She was undoubtedly in the sunroom, as not to risk Karen hearing her cry. Karen was asleep right now; she had gone to bed fairly early because she was "so excited for it to be tomorrow," in her words.

Tomorrow, she was going home with her friend Casey after school, and having a sleepover. So naturally, to try and pass the time quicker, she'd just gone to sleep. Smart little girl.

But still. Apparently they couldn't be too careful with that one — who heard everything they thought she didn't.

He headed downstairs to the basement; his domain. His place. The place that used to be Olivia's.

And the first thing he did after he got ready for bed was text her.

He hadn't slept well at all lately, so he knew tonight would be no different. He'd slept like shit and felt like shit. A huge anxious ball of...shit.

Thank god he was going to be seeing Olivia tomorrow morning.

**Fitz: I miss you.**

It took a few minutes for her to respond. He checked what she had replied as he laid in the dark basement guest bedroom, fan blowing for some background noise.

**Olivia: Aww, my smiley. I miss you so much. We still on for tomorrow morning?**

**Fitz: Absolutely. Wouldn't miss it for the world. **

**Olivia: Me neither. How are you?**

Not great. But complaining about this situation? She did _not_ need to hear that. He tended to hold that kind of stuff in.

**Fitz: I'm alright. Fill you in tomorrow.**

**Olivia: Okay. How have you been sleeping the last couple nights, baby?**

He smiled at her thoughtful text, especially after he'd just been thinking about his sleep patterns. Their minds always seemed to be synced.

**Fitz: It's been okay. I need you. I sleep better with you.**

**Olivia: Me too, I know how you feel. Wish you were next to me, always.**

**Fitz: All I ever wish. You want a reminder?**

**Olivia: You know I love reminders. They're my favorite thing ever!**

Fitz smiled to himself, typing the three-word phrase that served as one of their things — their "reminders."

The phrase he would never get sick of saying to her.

**Fitz: I love you. **

**Olivia: Night = made. I love you too!**

He smiled bigger. That was the best, to read those words from her.

**Fitz: Thanks for your reminder. See you tomorrow, bright and early?**

**Olivia: See you tomorrow bright and early. Praying you sleep well tonight.**

**Fitz: Me too. Goodnight, baby.**

**Olivia: Goodnight, baby.**

* * *

Olivia worked out hard the next morning. Not only did she use a few machines, she also shot some hoops in the gym _and_ ran five miles on the treadmill. _Whew._

She always felt really good after she ran. She appreciated the high it gave her. It also usually put a smile on her face as she got ready for her day at the gym — showering, changing, applying her makeup, and making sure her hair looked perfect. Well, the excitement she had each morning when she was headed to see her boyfriend _also_ put a smile on her face.

That day, she looked pretty cute, too, she thought. Long cardigan over a cute blouse. Dark jeans. A nice pair of boots. Her natural hair perfectly bouncy and curly, in a half-up, half-down style. All of her jewelry — including the necklace Fitz gave her, as always. Her makeup.

She felt good. And she felt happy, despite the always-lingering thoughts about where her relationship with Fitz was at at that point in time — or more accurately — where he was at with Mellie.

And seeing him, of course, only made it better.

She walked into Starbucks that morning, seeing him already saving a spot for the two of them in the corner. The _best_ table there was; their favorite one.

He eyed her up and down and smiled at her brightly, standing up as soon as she neared the table.

A dark gray suit...man, did he look good. Always.

"Hi, you," he greeted, pulling her in for a hug.

"Hi," she smiled, hugging him back and pecking his lips. "How are you, smiley?"

"Much more smiley now," he said, flashing her his cute Fitz smile.

"Aww, my favorite," she giggled. "I'm so glad."

His eyes then traveled from her face, all the way down her body.

"You are...so gorgeous," he said.

"Oh, Fitz, thank you!" she replied, setting her backpack down by her feet.

"Mhm," he smiled. "So how are _you?"_

"I'm good. I missed you, though!"

"I missed you," he said, reaching for her hand across the table.

She rubbed the top of his hand with her thumb and looked contently at him.

And that's when she noticed the slight dark circles. They weren't that bad, she'd had some pretty bad ones in her day from staying up too late. But his were definitely there.

"Honey. You haven't been sleeping," she said sadly, looking at him.

Last night he made it seem like it wasn't so bad. Clearly — it was worse than he'd been letting on.

His smile dimmed a bit, and he shrugged nonchalantly. "I've been sleeping okay, Liv."

"Your eyes don't show it," she replied, looking at him.

"Livvie, I'm okay," he chuckled. "No need to worry."

"Hmmm," she said questionably, putting her hand on top of his again. "Now you know my answer to _that_, Fitz."

"I know, I know. I am..._yours to worry about," _he nodded.

"_Mine,"_ she mouthed.

He bit his lip.

"You should…say it again."

"You are..._mine,"_ she said again in a whisper.

He smirked at her, sitting all the way back in his chair with a cute wink.

She smirked back. He was so sexy.

"How's little K doing?" she asked, smiling.

"She's good. She's been excited all week because she's having a sleepover with Casey tonight. Apparently they have…all these science experiments planned," he chuckled, as they both sat down.

Olivia started to laugh and smile. Sounded about right. "Oh man, only K. She is _so_ cute."

"Very," he nodded.

She started to get up, looking back at him.

"So what are you thinking you want today? I'll go get it," she said.

"Oh, no worries, Liv, I've got it today," he said, getting up right away.

"It's my day today!" she replied.

He shook his head. "I'm taking over your day."

"Baby," she said, tilting her head.

"Baby," he said, tilting his head back at her with a smile. He pecked her cheek as he passed her to go get their coffees.

She sighed, watching him walk up to the counter. He walked with such confidence, and he didn't even know it.

One hand casually in his pocket, one hand reaching for his wallet with the other. Swagger with each step, in her eyes.

He came back with their coffees and she thanked him with a smile. An americano and a hot coffee with cream were their drinks of choice today.

"Greta asked about you yesterday," Olivia said, taking a sip of her coffee.

"She...did?" Fitz asked.

"Mhm," she nodded. "She's super respectful about it all; she kind of senses that I'm private about you. She just asked if someday she'd get to meet you, and I said of course."

"That's very sweet of her. I would love to meet her," Fitz nodded.

"Yeah. She calls you 'boyfriend'," Olivia laughed.

"Boyfriend?" he chuckled.

"Uh-huh. I haven't told her your name and she hasn't asked. I think she figures I won't say even if she does ask," Olivia laughed. "So...we just refer to you as boyfriend."

"I kinda like it," Fitz said with a laugh. "I've been introduced to a couple new nicknames since I've met you. 'Smiley.' 'Boyfriend.' I was just 'Fitz' before I met you. So…boring."

"Definitely not, I love your name! And Shawn calls you 'mister shy man'," Olivia giggled.

He started to laugh and shook his head. "That's right. I'm glad that...you have Shawn to lean on. She seems like an amazing friend, like Abby is to me. And I can't imagine going through this without some friends in my corner, so...I appreciate Shawn being there for you."

"I appreciate her too. Abby as well, and her husband. We seemed to have gotten pretty lucky in the friend department, huh?" Olivia asked.

"We did," Fitz nodded. "And...in _this_ department."

"Oh, yes, I got lucky in the boyfriend department," Olivia smiled.

He laughed, his smile growing brighter. "That's my most important title along with 'dad,' I think."

"Hmm...not Vice President of Operational Risk at JPM?" Olivia laughed.

He chuckled. "No. Not on this list. But I probably should add 'son' to it, though, now that I think about it."

"Ohhh, you better! We don't want Jean feeling left out — you're _her boy,"_ Olivia replied cutely.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "She asked about you the other day when I called her."

"She did?"

"She did. She asked if I had kept in touch. Actually...she made _sure_ I had kept in touch," Fitz said, with raised eyebrows.

She raised her eyebrows too.

"Hmmm," she replied. "And what did you say?"

"I said that...I had..." he nodded.

"Well that is...true..." she replied, with a slight smirk.

"We've kept...in touch, huh," he murmured, kissing her hand.

"Just a little," she teased, laughing.

"Just a little," he nodded, smiling at her.

"Well, I feel like I'll need to thank her eventually for reminding you where she put all of your photoshoot photos, because…I'm really enjoying those," she said.

He chuckled. "She was probably wondering why I wanted to find them."

"Probably. If it wasn't so risky, I'd have one of those as my phone background or something," she shrugged.

"Oh God," he chuckled. "I would be embarrassed. I hated that photoshoot."

"_Noooo. _You did so well! Come on, let me see my favorite pose. The closeup where you're looking at the camera with your most serious face, and…have your hand by your chin."

"No, I can't," he laughed, starting to turn red.

"Clearly, you can," she smirked. "Should I pull up the picture for proof?"

"_No,"_ he shook his head with a laugh.

"Pleaseee. _For me?" _she asked sweetly.

He looked at her pretty face. Ugh. _Fine._

"You're…so cute, okay," he sighed, leaning forward. He rested his elbow on the table and put his closed fist near his chin as if he was thinking deeply. He knew exactly the pose she was talking about because he was pretty sure it was now her most favorite picture in the entire world.

Those photos did embarrass the hell out of him, because that was certainly not his thing at all. He didn't think he was very photogenic, so he just did what the photographer told him to that day.

But it was for his mom's sake, and for his dad's, too, so of course, he'd had to do it.

Apparently it was still paying off.

He wiped the smile off his face for a second and imitated his most serious self, as he was doing in the photo she was referring to.

Olivia smiled and started to giggle, looking at him like she always did. Like he was the most perfect person she'd ever seen. That loving, adoring look.

So then, of course, he couldn't remain serious for long. Her smile was contagious, and his face broke into a big grin as he sat there, leaned forward. His other hand was still on the table, his fingers laced in hers.

She was laughing with him, looking right at him. She was seeing the happiness on his face.

But of course, while looking at him, she also saw in his eyes that he was tired. She saw in his body language that he was stressed. He still hadn't filled her in on the progress he'd made with Mellie this week yet, but she could sense at least a bit of what he was feeling. But clearly, she couldn't sense the extent of it all.

Because as she was looking at him, seeing all of that, she saw the moment something changed.

His eyes flickered to the door as the sound of it opened and someone entered. And the happiness drained from his face again.

His eyes widened and he immediately looked down at the table nervously, taking his hand quickly away from hers.

"...Baby?" Olivia asked, looking at him curiously, before looking behind her.

"No, don't...just...don't..." he said quietly.

But she had already looked. There were many people in the building already. It was a Starbucks in New York City, it certainly wasn't empty. So whether or not she was looking at the right person — she didn't know, but the only person that had just walked in was a man.

A man in a full suit, with dark hair.

He hadn't looked up from his phone. He seemed pretty distracted by it, even as he approached the counter to order.

"What? What is it, what's wrong?" Olivia whispered as quietly as possible.

Fitz's chest was starting to rise and fall more quickly, and his face was entirely covered by one of his hands now.

"That man. That...he's…" he whispered. "Work...Andrew. I — know him. He knows...Mellie — too."

"Okay. Okay. Hey. Baby," she whispered, trying to reach for his hand. Not even to hold it, just to try and bring him back to reality. Pull him out of what she could already see was beginning to unfold.

But he wouldn't. He couldn't.

She could tell he was taking the deepest breaths that he could. And she could tell he was trying so hard to keep calm. He was attempting to push something away that just couldn't always be pushed away.

He couldn't help it.

It had been one of the most stressful weeks he'd had in a long time. Endless conversations with Mellie. Anxiety about how much longer he could _have_ those conversations. Anxiety about when, if, and how he should tell Mellie about Olivia. Not nearly enough sleep.

And now, a colleague was right there. Someone who knew he was married, and had met his wife multiple times.

Someone who never came to get his own coffee, let alone came in this early.

Of course, Fitz knew they were at risk every time they were in the city together. Of course he knew it, and still chose it every time. But after the week he'd had, and thinking more about this exact possibility — Mellie finding out about Olivia from someone that wasn't him — it was a lot at one time. And it set him off.

"Oh, Jesus...Christ," he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut.

_No, no, no,_ he thought. But there was no stopping it now, and he knew it.

She knew right away what was happening. But he wouldn't let her help him.

"Fitz, look at me. Fitz — " she whispered, starting to get up.

But he shook his head as he felt her get out of her seat.

"No. No — " he whispered immediately. "Don't — get up."

She opened her mouth in awe at him and watched him completely close himself off from the world. Accepting no help.

So much for feeling happy this morning, because she sure as hell didn't feel happy now.

The whole place kept moving quickly around them, but for him, it slowed down. He was panting — but trying to be as quiet as humanly possible. Trying not to draw any attention whatsoever.

He clutched at his pants under the table, and he clutched an empty fist against his forehead. Hiding his face, which the blood had probably all drained from by now. He couldn't even focus enough to look up at Andrew, nor would he want to risk him seeing him anyway.

He felt lightheaded. His heart raced. And he could feel the beat of his heart throughout his entire body.

Images of Karen filled his head out of instinct. His go-to distraction. His happy place — being with his little girl.

Images of the woman sitting across from him flooded his head then, too.

He now had no idea how Olivia was reacting or what she was doing, because he couldn't focus on anything but trying to pull himself out of it. He couldn't hear her anymore, if she was talking. He didn't feel her touch, because he had closed himself off physically, too.

But what he _could_ feel was her presence there with him, and that was enough. That was something.

It felt like an eternity that he was fenced off from everything else, feeling the terror that came with an attack.

But finally — _finally_, he felt warm, soft hands on his cheeks. He physically felt her touch again.

His body was clenched up in every way possible, and his fingers were beyond numb. But he gradually began to regain his senses.

Slowly, it all came to an end. And she was right there to guide him back, her voice proving to be such a comforting sound once again.

"Hey. Hey. Fitz," she said quietly, holding his cheeks. "He's gone. He's gone."

He worked on slowing down his breathing and he finally opened his eyes.

"There you are," she whispered, sitting by his side now, rather than across from him. "Look at me. Only me."

He listened to her; his eyes locked on hers, and nothing else.

The loudness of the Starbucks slowly filled his ears again, and he steadily unclenched all his fingers.

"Olivia," he murmured, letting out a deep sigh. "Olivia, I'm — so sorry."

"Shhh," she said, shaking her head. "Don't apologize. Are you okay? What can I do?"

"Nothing — nothing. I'm...okay. Just...one second. I'm fine, I'm... I'm so sorry — "

"Shhhh, stop," she replied. "Take off your jacket."

He nodded immediately and began to go through the motions of taking off his jacket, which _was_ feeling extremely warm at the moment. She took it from him gently and folded it in her lap to hold.

"Will you be okay here for just a minute?" she asked quietly.

"Yes. Yes — I'm...I'm fine," he breathed.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He nodded.

"I will be _right_ back. Right back. Okay?" she asked.

"Okay," he murmured, closing his eyes again and leaning back against the wall. Thank God they were back against a wall and in a corner.

She walked up to the counter as he continued to calm himself down. Still not quite believing that had just happened. That was his second attack in the span of a couple months. Which, for him, wasn't good; probably about twice as bad as his version of "normal". Sure, they would happen occasionally, and they always would. He had anxiety — that wasn't going to change. But it had been much worse lately for him with these changes happening in his life.

And Olivia had witnessed both of those attacks.

She came back with a large cup of water and set it down in front of him, before sitting directly next to him again.

"Drink," she urged, putting her hand on his arm.

He didn't question her one bit, as he began to take the lid off the cup.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm alright. Just...a lot going on at one time, that can...that can just happen. It's...okay now. I'm so...sorry about that. They happen at...such bad times."

"Stop apologizing," she said gently. "You have nothing to apologize for. But...can you tell me who that was?"

"His name...is Andrew Nichols. He's an executive at JPM, and...he knows Mellie. His assistant always...gets him coffee, and...usually he doesn't even come into work until about 10 every day — he doesn't need to. Just...caught me off guard to see him here. My fault."

"Fitz, how is that your fault in any way?" she asked.

"Obviously there is...risk in...meeting. I know that. And I fear this...exact situation, yet...here we are. I shouldn't have suggested Starbucks, or...should have picked a different one, or none at all. You just hope...something like this doesn't happen — you hope and hope...for the best, but...hoping doesn't work."

"No, Fitz. We do know there's risk, you're right. So if it's someone's fault, it's not just yours. But...if we didn't take these risks, when would we get to see each other?" she asked.

"I know. I...I know," he nodded in agreement.

"I kept an eye on him the _whole_ time. He barely looked up from his phone. He didn't see," she said lightly. "I'm not saying we shouldn't rethink where and how we meet, because I don't want this to happen to you again. But...I'm just saying, you don't need to worry about _Andrew_, at least. I don't want it to be a subject of anxiety for you because he didn't see."

Fitz nodded, putting his head in his hand.

"You still aren't taking your medication, are you?" she asked, holding his hand in hers.

He sighed, shaking his head. "No. I can't. I can't work when...when I take them. Overall, they hurt me more than they help me."

She gave him an understanding look and nodded.

"Okay, honey, then we need to try new medication," she said gently.

He looked at her questioningly and shook his head. "No. Liv, I'm fine. I know how to...how to deal with it without them."

She tilted her head at him. She wanted to say "seriously?" but she figured this was not the best time to scold him, after he'd just gone through that.

"Attacks can happen...whether I'm on meds or not," he said, as if reading her mind.

"I understand that, baby, but from what I just witnessed — they're getting worse. And medication sure is not going to make them worse," Olivia replied.

"I've tried, baby, I've tried," he shook his head. "I promise that I have."

"I know you have. But you haven't tried them all," she said gently. "And we're going to find one that works for you. Okay? One that doesn't hurt in any way, only helps."

"I don't..." he began. "I'm completely fine, Liv. This is...my reality. I know how to deal with this."

"Fitz, you aren't fine. You keep saying that, but clearly you aren't," she said sadly. "How come you didn't tell me you were going through so much this week?"

"I _was_ going to fill you in on...this week, but I just...I'm also not going to...to complain to you about how hard it is to fucking...leave my wife, or to get through to her even just a _little bit_. You don't want to hear that, and you shouldn't have to."

She sighed, looking at him intently. "Anything you're going through, I'm here for you. Communication is so important, especially for us. We rely on that, and we're good at it. So don't cut back on it now just because you're worried about...how I might feel going forward. Okay? I can take it. I appreciate you thinking about my feelings, Fitz. But I would feel much better being in the loop about everything — even things that are...hard to be in the loop about."

He sighed and nodded at her. "Okay."

"Especially if...you're feeling the way you've been feeling. I need to know that, Fitz. Because maybe...I can help? All I ever want to do is help you. You know that," she said.

"I know that," he nodded quietly. "And I love you for that. I love you so much."

"I love you, too," she whispered. "When these things happen, I want to be able to be there for you, and help you, in any way that I can."

"I know. I know," he nodded. "I want...I want that, too. You help more than...you even know. You're just...you're so amazing."

She gave him a slight smile, squeezing his hand. "So are you. You okay?"

"I'm all good," he nodded, exhaling deeply. "Thank you. For helping me. Thank you...so much."

She smiled and nodded, wondering why there was even a reason to thank her. Of course she would do anything in her power to help him. Always. She knew he would do the same for her.

But sometimes she forgot that he wasn't used to someone being in his corner. He wasn't used to someone supporting him.

He was used to taking care of everyone else and prioritizing everyone else, and getting nothing in return.

Everyone had their days, or their moments, when they needed help. And it was only fair that when he fell down; when he needed a helping hand, he was given the support to get back up again.

"_Always," _she nodded, rubbing her thumb over his hand. "We _are_ going to think about trying some new medication, though. No arguments."

He sighed, looking at her. She wasn't playing around, clearly. She was very serious. And he appreciated that.

He didn't like the idea, it was such a draining process and he'd never been rewarded with success so far, but he didn't want to argue with her or upset her. And deep down, he knew she was right. If he were to find one which had pros that outweighed the cons, it would absolutely be worth it. His optimism on the matter was not high whatsoever, but hers seemed to be, and he knew she cared so much. So he just nodded.

"And...maybe we should just hold off on our morning visits for a while. Not forever, but...maybe just for a bit until we...have more of a grasp on where you're at with Mellie. I don't want that to happen again, so whatever you feel comfortable with is what we'll do going forward."

"It doesn't matter...if we meet in the mornings. It doesn't matter...how risky we are anymore," he said, shaking his head.

She looked at him questioningly, because clearly that _did_ matter, given recent events.

"Ummm..."

"It doesn't matter because I can't take it anymore, and it's not right for me to...keep it a secret anymore. I can't keep any more secrets. All it does is...tear people apart. She deserves to know, if...if you're still comfortable with me telling her now. I can't risk it any longer — the chance of it getting back to her before I tell her. This is something that needs to come from me, and...the sooner the better."

Her heart fluttered, in both a happy, but very very _nervous_ way.

"Is it still...what you want? You still want that, and you're...comfortable with it?"

She nodded slowly...even though she was sure she had nerves written all over her face, too.

"Yes."

He nodded in agreement, and looked at her confidently. After everything she'd seen and heard from him thus far this morning, she was even _more_ sure about how confident he was in what he said next.

"Then I have to tell her."

* * *

**Alright, there you go. **

**Things are happening. Things are going down! Strap in!**

**Hope you enjoyed.**

**Read on, and stay safe,**

**~T**

**P.S. Olivia's favorite photo from Fitz's photoshoot is posted on Twitter and Tumblr!**


	20. The Truth Pt 1

Fitz held his phone up to his ear, his hand shaking slightly as he spoke to his girlfriend.

"Are you sure this is...are we sure this is what we should do?" he asked again. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

He'd been talking on the phone with Olivia ever since he'd been done with dinner. To calm themselves and talk things out again. Because tonight was the night.

It had all happened so fast, getting to the moment he was at now. Just this morning he still wasn't sure when or how he was going to tell his wife about Olivia.

But recent events had pushed him to the edge, and he physically couldn't take it anymore. Lying about where he was going and who he was going to see weighed on him. Perhaps that aspect of it was selfish — but he didn't want to feel anxious about her not knowing anymore. He knew telling her would come with a whole new level of anxiety, but that was going to have to happen at some point, anyway. She would have to know eventually, regardless.

And no matter when she found out, there would be risks. One thing he'd learned from his job, was that everything in the world had some type of risk. It was his job to think about them, and combat them. Plan. Prepare. Analyze. And although this situation wasn't exactly one he wanted to treat like he treated his work, he'd still gone through all the potential risks in his head.

The things Mellie could do, if she so truly desired to. But with each possible thing she could do, also came a good counter reason not to.

She could potentially try and do something to hurt Olivia. But she knew Karen's love for Olivia was strong. _Everyone _knew that. That alone would be strong enough to keep her from doing something stupid that would get back to Karen. But it wasn't just that.

Mellie liked Olivia, and had an immense amount of respect for her. Tonight's news may put a damper on that. But it would never erase the things Mellie knew to be true about her and the kind of person she was.

Another thing Mellie could try and do was get in the way of Olivia's education. But if she wanted to keep their good standing in the CITYterm program for Karen's opportunities later, that would mean keeping silent about this was in _everyone's_ best interest.

And aside from Olivia, Mellie could just try and live with the fact that he'd cheated on her, and betrayed her. She could push it aside, because of her desire to keep up the image they had.

Or, her pride would get the best of her and she'd be too proud to do that, knowing what she knew.

He'd laid out all the risks, and refuted them all hundreds of times in his head now. A work routine. But risks were risks for a reason. There was no telling what would truly happen. There was only so much he could try and predict.

But what he did know for sure, was that his wife's intentions were good. Her views on some things weren't always agreeable with him. She didn't treat _him_ the greatest and she definitely had a sassy and jealous side to her. But she wasn't some monster, out to get people. Aside from _their_ relationship, because Lord knew how toxic that had become, she was a kind woman. A kind woman who did everything she thought was right for her daughter.

So, with no clear path as to where tonight would lead, he still knew this was all he had left.

He'd already taken a risk once. He'd told Olivia he loved her, back when he had zero idea as to how he was going to get out of this mess or what he was going to do. He'd taken that risk, and it had paid off. So tonight, he was taking another one.

Olivia wasn't the reason this all needed to end. But he just wanted to be honest for once. He wanted to _stop_ with the lying and pretending. He wanted _no more secrets_ — not with Mellie or with Karen.

Secrets tore people apart. That, he had evidence of.

He just needed to do _something_, because his attempts recently had been _draining. _It had taken a long time for him to come to the conclusion that they needed to divorce. So he sure as hell wasn't going to wait another ten years for her to finally see it, too.

He wasn't going to continue to try and have these conversations constantly with zero promise in sight of it actually succeeding, meanwhile hiding from the entire world with Olivia. Not to mention, risking someone else finding out and telling Mellie first.

So he didn't know what else to do. He felt cornered, and he had no other cards to play — especially when Mellie always reverted back to what she knew during their fights. It felt like insanity; Doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different outcome.

_This_ was his last card. His last attempt at getting through to her, that things were changing and needed to continue to change. He knew it would produce a different outcome. He just didn't know what kind of outcome, and he didn't know to what extent.

But this gave them their first step toward freedom.

And he knew tonight was as good a time as any to break the news. Karen was away at a sleepover, so there weren't any worries there. Mellie would be home in about fifteen minutes from her late shift. So there Fitz was, talking things out with Olivia as he sat on the living room couch, drink in hand.

Olivia, the kind, amazing, smart woman, who he'd fallen for. The woman who was keeping him together. The woman who cared so much that she had agreed to this plan almost immediately, because she couldn't bear to see him hold so much stress and anxiety on his shoulders, and she knew this would be a big weight off of both of them.

She didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve any of this. And he didn't deserve her.

"Baby," she said gently. "If this is our plan, we should stick to it."

"I know, I know. I'm just..." he said, taking a deep breath. "I want to make sure you really want this before I do it. This is...a big step, and it can't be undone when I finally take it. And...if you were having second thoughts, I wouldn't."

"I know that," she nodded gently. "Fitz, to tell you the truth...I don't want this. I'm terrified of what is going to happen, and I'm terrified of how people will look at me differently, and...who this will hurt, once people know. Once _she_ knows. I don't want all this...stress, and worry. But you know what? You know what I did the second I kissed you back last year? I made this choice. Willingly."

He sighed, rubbing his temples. Trying to get the headache to go away, even though that probably was not going to happen.

"And if I made _this_ choice, I deserve to be terrified. I deserve much worse than that. Whatever happens...happens. You asked if I wanted this. This situation...no. I don't think anyone wants this situation. I don't think anyone wants to be having the conversation we're having right now, while we're waiting for your wife to get home. But what I do want is you," she said. "I want you. So...whatever happens...however we get there, in the end, it doesn't matter to me. Because I just want you."

He took a shaky breath, sitting there with his eyes closed. "I don't know how you do this. And I'm so sorry you have to. You don't deserve this. Any of this."

"Fitz," she said. "You...put me up on this pedestal sometimes. Telling me...how amazing I am, and what I do and don't deserve. But...I got involved with a married man. A married man with a _daughter_, in his own house. I fell in love with him, and developed a good relationship with his daughter...and wife, for that matter. I appreciate the kind things you say to me, but...I do deserve this. I deserve everything we've gone through and _are_ going through. Because I made a choice, and that choice was not an honorable one."

"Yes, but you didn't make the choice alone. I made it too. You just...you are dealing with _so_ much else right now. You have so much ahead of you. You don't...you shouldn't have to deal with this."

"Fitz. Are you trying to talk yourself out of this now?" she asked.

He sighed. "No. Yes — maybe. I don't...I don't know."

"You know what our plan is. You know what you want to do, and you know Mellie better than anybody else. Only _you _know what's best here. So don't let anything else sway what your gut says to do," she said. "I'm with you, always."

He nodded more confidently. He knew. There was no sense in second-guessing now, because they'd made the decision. This was happening.

"I will protect you, Liv. I need you to know that if it came to it, I will do whatever it takes to protect you. No matter what happens," he said.

"Thank you. I know that," she nodded. "And I'll be here. Whether you want to call or not later, I'll be here."

"Okay," he replied. "I should...I should probably go. She should be here in a few minutes. When I can, I'll keep in touch."

"Okay. Good luck," she said. "I love you, Fitz."

"I love you, too. Bye, Livvie," he said. He tried not to let her hear the fact that he was nervous as he said goodbye to her.

He hung up the phone after she said goodbye back, and he took a deep breath. He needed to keep taking deep breaths, because he sure as hell didn't need to freak himself out right now. He'd had enough of that shit for one day.

The drink helped him out a little bit at least. Probably not the best way to keep himself calm, but it slowed everything down inside. And he needed all the help he could get, because even with the liquor in his system, his mind was racing.

He went over his plan again. He wasn't going to just come out and say it immediately. He was going to start another conversation, and see where it led first before he just shouted out that he was in love with someone else.

But his goal by the end of the evening was for her to know.

His plan didn't entail revealing Olivia's name immediately. He assumed though, that he would be asked the question, no matter how she reacted to the news.

The only bit of happiness he felt before Mellie got home was Hank, snuggling his way up onto the living room couch by him.

He wasn't supposed to be on the living room furniture, but Fitz didn't really give a damn at the moment. He just pet Hank's head and scratched behind his ears, wishing for a brief moment that he had a carefree life like little Hank did.

When Mellie got home, she drudged tiredly into the kitchen, putting all her bags down on the counter and looking over at Fitz.

She looked tired. She'd had a long shift that day, that was for sure. She eyed him briefly and then smiled slightly at Hank.

"Uh-oh. Looks like mister Hank is breaking some rules over there," Mellie said.

Fitz didn't say anything, he just looked down at Hank and continued to pet him, debating his best way to begin the conversation.

"Should I be worried about what number drink that is?" Mellie asked coldly, unloading her cooler that she'd packed her dinner in for work.

"It's my first one," Fitz answered quietly, looking up at her.

"Well, would you look at that, good news," she sighed, putting her things away. "Have you just been sitting there all night in the quiet? No TV, or book?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Oh God," Mellie sighed. "What now?"

"I'd like to talk to you," he said.

"I already told you I'm done with these conversations," she replied.

"You did. But this one needs to happen," he said.

"I don't have the patience for it anymore, Fitz. I'm done," she said annoyedly.

He wanted to say "how do you think I feel?"

But he didn't. Instead, he pressed on.

"This is going to happen, Mell," he stated. "Whether...you want to believe it or not. It will happen."

Now she did turn to him. But she just rolled her eyes and laughed.

"And why would you possibly think that? You're a smart man. And I've told you over and over again, that my mind won't change."

"Yes, you have," he agreed.

"So _why_ would you think my mind would change?" she snapped back, putting her hands on her hips.

"Because mine did. And at one point, I thought the same thing you did. At one point...I was just as stubborn about this as you are, thinking there was no way in hell we could have made the wrong decision."

"Ahh, right. We've always been on the same page. And then because of something K said _one night_, you all of a sudden started talking divorce."

"Um...yes? Hearing our 10-year-old tell me that she thought we pretended...for _her_ sake? That...she wondered if I was sad because you and I are never happy together? You're damn right that's going to change my fucking perspective. She's the one we did all of this for — so of course I'm going to start thinking twice, Mellie."

"No, you're _over_thinking, is what you're doing," she replied.

"No. I'm not, not at all."

"You know what, you're right — you're just being ridiculous. And irrational. Those are more fitting descriptions, I think."

"_Me?_ I'm being irrational? Oh my God, Mellie. Listen to yourself! Do you ever hear what you're saying?"

"Are you kidding me? Do you ever hear what _you're_ saying? You sit there and talk about...divorce and...fucking fantasies of love and happiness on the other side, when life doesn't work that way! Life is what it is! We had a child — you make sacrifices for your children, Fitz! You don't spin fantasies! Because we live in reality. And _this_ is our reality," she said, stepping closer to him in the living room now.

"I do _not_ spin fantasies, and this doesn't have to _be_ our reality," he said. "It could be so much better than this — for all three of us. You do make sacrifices for your kids, yes...but you don't have to sacrifice your own...happiness? You don't have to sacrifice your whole _life?_That's not right either, and it's not good for _any_ of us."

"We aren't sacrificing our whole lives?" she questioned. She looked at him like he was insane.

"Yes, we are!" he exclaimed, standing up.

"See, okay, you know what I want to know? I want to know why this isn't enough for you now. I want to know why you think this is us sacrificing our whole lives. You've got the perfect life, Fitz. Don't you realize that? Our daughter has a good head on her shoulders. She has two healthy parents — _married_ parents. We live in a beautiful house in a beautiful town, a perfect distance from the city. She goes to a wonderful school, and has _endless_ opportunities ahead. Money's never been an issue and never will be. This is the life so many _dream_ about. And it's not fucking enough for you?"

"No! It's fucking not! I want her to grow up in a healthy, _happy_ environment. A healthy environment is a hell of a lot different than two healthy parents creating an environment that they _pretend_ is a happy one," he said.

She rolled her eyes, completely disregarding what he had said.

"And yeah. I want to be happy too, Mellie. Forgive me for not wanting to...to settle anymore in my _own_ life with a woman I don't love and who _despises_ me. I want..."

"_What?_ What do you want, my sweet Fitz? Please tell me all of your fairytale hopes and dreams," she said, inching closer to him as the conversation grew more heated.

He was growing angrier by the minute, trying not to let her get to him. It wouldn't help the situation if he let that happen. But she was relentless. And it was getting real old.

But she was giving him an in, too. This was exactly the kind of chance he'd been waiting for, and she'd given it to him. If he was going to do it, this was going to be the time to drop the bomb. But his mind was racing; racing too fast for him to say anything at that moment. So of course, she had a hay day with his brief silence.

"Oh, look, you got shy on me again. Come on, honey, don't stop there. Let's hear it! You've got me all interested now!" she exclaimed.

"Stop," he said firmly, looking at her angrily.

"Oh, good, he speaks again. Come on, I want to hear it, Fitz. What is it that you want so badly? What is it that _you_ don't have — that you need? What's your fantasy?"

All he had to do was say it. All he had to do was say her name.

"It isn't a fantasy," he said firmly. "For any of us."

"You just don't quit, do you," she said, locking eyes with him and crossing her arms.

"I never will. Never."

"Why? Why are you so difficult? You never used to be this difficult? Even if K somehow...adapted to our divorce, what is it that you think would be so much better for you and _your_ life? Sit by yourself every day because you're afraid to talk to anyone else? You haven't even been able to answer the question!"

"I wouldn't be alone."

"Oh, right, right, well K would be there half the time, of course," she said sarcastically. "But the other half? I just want to hear the elaborate plan you seem to have been creating in your head all this time. It's _so_ curious to me, baby, truly."

"Even if I had absolutely no plan at all for my life, it would be better than this," he replied angrily.

"Well that's just pathetic," she laughed.

He was so mad now, firing back at her without a second thought.

"_Your_ version of life is pathetic, not mine. All I want to do is stop pretending, for _all_ our sakes. I'm...I don't want to pretend anymore. I'm done, I want something _real."_

He was so close to saying it.

"We have a family. _That's_ what's real! _Pretending_ is what's real, because everyone does it! You keep spinning these fantasies about things you want but nobody ever actually _has!"_

And that was it for him. He'd held off before, but now it was coming out of his mouth before he could even stop it. He wanted to scream at her, that she was so close-minded and just plain wrong.

And he did scream at her. But it wasn't about her close-mindedness.

"I _have_ something real! Stop telling me it's a fucking fantasy and that nobody ever actually gets it — because I already fucking _have_ it!" he screamed.

Hank jumped off the couch and trotted away from the living room, probably afraid of all the yelling going on.

And then Mellie's facial expression changed yet again. He'd hit another point that he'd not yet reached with her, and he knew it.

Because she looked completely and utterly confused. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked at him strangely.

"What the hell does _that_ mean?" she asked rudely.

No going back now.

He sighed, meeting her eyes again. They were standing so close to each other, having just been yelling at the top of their lungs.

But now the room was silent. Both of them were quiet, as her question hung in the air.

He knew he couldn't stay silent for long. Because she was standing there confused, and waiting for an answer.

"I already have something real," he repeated quietly, looking straight back into her eyes.

She took a deep breath and looked at him more questioningly again.

"You're lying," she said, shaking her head.

"I'm not," he said. "I'm not lying, Mellie."

"Are we on the same page here?" she laughed. "You're telling me...you've been...fucking around? Is that what you're telling me right now?"

"I'm telling you that I'm in love with someone else," he replied. "I'm saying that what we have is real."

She looked at him in awe, and shook her head. "Are you...playing some sort of weird joke?"

"_No,"_ he said firmly. "I'm telling you the truth, because you deserve to know. And I've kept it a secret for too long."

She was in utter disbelief. She stood there, shaking her head at him.

It was a similar reaction he'd gotten from Abby. Disbelief, that he would do something like this. That part he could have expected. But what would follow, he wasn't sure.

"So...you're telling me that you have...a _mistress?"_ Mellie asked.

"Girlfriend," he corrected.

She shook her head, looking at him with the kind of smile that _wasn't_ happy. The smile that displayed a sense of disbelief. And she paired it with the kind of slight chuckle and scoff that you could _hear_ the pain behind.

"So...for months, you've been talking to me about divorce for _Karen's_ sake. When in reality...you just have...a secret _whore_ that you want to be with?"

"Watch your mouth," he said firmly. "_No. _I want to get a divorce for all of our sakes, _especially_ Karen's. She and I weren't even together when Karen said what she said that night. She isn't the reason. But yeah, Mell, I'd be lying if I said I don't want to be with her freely out in the open. I do."

"You son of a bitch_,"_ Mellie spat at him. "Are you fucking kidding me right now? We have a fucking _child_ together, Fitz. And this is what you do when times get tough?" she yelled.

"I didn't intend for it to happen. It was not something I planned. I pushed it away for months before it happened, and so did she. I didn't do it for any reason other than the fact that I fell in love with her, and she fell in love with me," he said calmly.

"Oh — so is that supposed to make it all okay?" Mellie asked angrily.

"No," he replied, shaking his head. "What I did will never be okay. But I don't regret it."

She looked at him disgustedly, shaking her head. And then an awful idea seemed to hit her, because her eyes got wide and her look of disgust grew stronger.

"Oh my God, has she been in our house?" Mellie asked.

He swallowed nervously, but nodded at her.

"Yes."

Mellie's eyes widened further and she looked at him like he was the worse person she'd ever laid eyes on.

"Who is it?" she asked firmly. She could barely get her angry question out after hearing that this woman had, indeed, been in their home.

He prepared himself, taking a deep breath as he looked at her.

"_Who is she?"_ Mellie asked again angrily.

He was about to reveal her identity, but Mellie's anger had just about boiled over, and she interrupted him.

"It's her, isn't it?" Mellie nodded. "All these years, you told me there was no reason for me to dislike her. All these years, and all the fights we had every time you went to see her. And here she is, causing more problems in our marriage."

There was only one woman she could have possibly been talking about.

"_Abby?"_ Fitz questioned. "Oh my God, Mellie. Abby is _not_ the cause of _any_ of our marital problems. That would be us, and us only. It's been 11 years, you need to let that shit go. She hasn't ever done anything to you, and I have _not_ been seeing her, my God. She's like...my sister."

"Bullshit," Mellie shot back.

"It's not bullshit —"

"Looks like she's got some explaining to do to her husband, too. Clearly you both don't care that you're fucking _married."_

"It's _not_ Abby. Why the hell would I tell you I'm done pretending and that I'm seeing someone, and then _lie_ to you about who she is?"

"Then who the fuck is it?!" Mellie yelled.

Fitz took a deep breath and fidgeted with his hands in his pockets. He was definitely nervous now. But he needed to be calm when he spoke her name. He needed to be calm and collected, because he hadn't done a good job of that so far.

"Olivia, Mell," he said quietly. "It's Olivia."

If he thought he'd seen confusion on Mellie's face before, he had no idea what he was in for. She looked at him _beyond _astonished now.

"What did you just say?" Mellie asked.

"You heard what I said," he nodded calmly.

"Oh...I heard you. I'm simply wondering if I'm crazy or if I heard you _correctly,"_ Mellie said. "Olivia..._Pope?"_

"Yes," Fitz nodded. He wasn't shying away now. He was standing there in front of his wife, fully in his truth.

For the first time.

"You...can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm very serious," he nodded.

"Olivia Pope. The girl that...lived in our basement for half a year?" Mellie began, thinking deeply. "The girl that you took into the city every single fucking day, but barely said a Goddamn word to? The girl that...our own fucking daughter loves and looks up to?!"

He sighed. "Yes."

It happened before he even saw it coming. He could see the angry look she had on her face. He could see the immense pain and betrayal behind those eyes, after hearing the true identity of the woman he had gone behind her back with.

But he didn't see her hand come up.

It happened quickly. She slapped him across his left cheek; _hard._

He wasn't expecting it, but it was sure quite a slap. His head whipped to his right, and pain immediately radiated across his face. A strong, stinging pain. _That_ was going to leave a mark.

But he didn't touch his face or say anything, he just turned back to her in full acceptance that he _absolutely_ deserved that, and continued to listen to her scream at him.

"An _18-year-old girl?!" _Mellie screamed. "In our own house?! The house our daughter lives in?!"

"I'm not proud of it," Fitz admitted. "It shouldn't have happened this way. We both knew that."

"An 18-year-old girl," Mellie said again, in disbelief. "You are...12 years older than that girl."

"She's not a _girl_, she's a woman," Fitz said. "And don't stand there and act like Olivia is anything less than an intelligent, accomplished, adult. Don't act like she isn't one of the most put together, mature women you know. What was it that you said to me, just a couple weeks ago? 'Don't you dare act like age means a damn thing.' Right? Or does that only apply to situations and people _you_ want it to apply to?"

She opened her mouth in awe at him and shook her head. He honestly thought he was going to get smacked again, but he didn't.

"You've got to be kidding me right now. You're going to stand there defending your decision to fuck her in _our_ house — under the same roof our _daughter_ lives? Really?"

"That didn't happen," he shook his head.

"What didn't? What didn't happen?" she asked angrily.

"I didn't _fuck her_ in our _house,"_ he replied.

"I'm supposed to believe that?!" she exclaimed.

"I did not...fuck her...here," he said again. He at least wanted that much to be clear, because that was 100 percent true.

"Ohhhh, my oh my, well look at you! That makes up for it then, doesn't it?" she asked. "What are you going to tell me next? That you've _never_ fucked her?"

He looked at her with a straight face, but said nothing.

"Yeah. That's what I thought," Mellie shot back. "You wanted me to believe from the get-go that you were actually pissed off that she was staying with us? That she was such a _hindrance_ to your everyday routine? All while you and her were secretly doing God knows what. In our own house, Fitz. Our own house."

"I was never pissed off, and I never said any of those things. Nothing ever happened between us from the get-go," he said, shaking his head. "But it still happened, and it wasn't right. I know that. We know that."

She shook her head at him in disgust. "All those weekends I left with Karen. All those late-night shifts that I had. All those nights you watched your little show with her, alone in the basement."

He, again, said nothing.

"It's...funny," she began, giving her fake, pained chuckle again. "Men look at me nonstop when I'm out and about. When I'm at work. Everywhere. Men like me; they respond to me. But I've never once strayed, because we had a fucking _deal_, Fitz. We do what we need to do for her. And that sure as hell didn't include fucking other people. Let alone 18-year-olds who stay in our _home_. Do you know...how many men I could have had throughout our marriage, Fitz, if I was a cheating bastard like you?"

He swallowed hard again, raising his eyebrows at her.

"Too many to count. But they could never have me. Because I have a _family_. Or so...I thought I did. Turns out my shy, quiet husband is just as slutty as the rest of them," she said quietly. "Turns out...the man I thought I would never have to worry about...proved me wrong."

He elected to, again, not say anything to that, so they stood there in silence before she spoke up again.

"How long?" she asked quietly.

He exhaled quietly. "Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters. Answer the damn question."

"Last fall," Fitz answered honestly.

"Oh, _wonderful_, and how long before _that_ were you thinking about her? How long before that did you two want it to happen?" Mellie asked.

He cleared his throat. "Since...a couple days after we met," he answered honestly again.

Mellie scoffed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"I _never_...would have imagined this. I never would have thought to be worried about _you,_ of all people, and the 18-year-old girl I brought home. I never would have imagined that you would be so _disgusting," _Mellie said.

"She has a name," he said.

"I...brought her into our home. I practically wrapped up a smart, pretty little whore for you and tied a bow on top, didn't I?" she asked.

"_Do not_ talk about her like that," he snapped. "Attack me all you want — but leave her out of it."

"Aww, look at you. Defending her. The girl I thought...you really never spoke to," Mellie said, looking like her mind was wandering off. "Oh, but you've spoken to her alright. You've done much more to her than that, haven't you, baby."

"That's enough," he nodded.

"No, see, the pieces are beginning to fall into place. It's all starting to make sense to me now. Why she left. Why you can't bear to sleep in our bed anymore, let alone have sex with me. Why...you can't stand it when I call you stupid little nicknames. Someone else has been calling you baby...huh, baby?" she asked quietly.

There was pain and betrayal written all over her face.

So he stood there and took in all of it. He deserved every bit of this conversation. Every insult, every rude comment, everything. He swallowed hard, looking down at her. Meeting her pained eyes.

"I can't believe...you had me fooled for months," she said quietly, looking at him in question. "You had us all fooled."

"I didn't want that to be the case anymore. We want...we wanted you to know. Because you deserve to," he said, looking down at her. "And you deserve to feel it too, Mell. You deserve to have something real, too. And K should be able to see that. She should be able to see us both _happy_. She should know the truth too. Because right now, she knows we aren't happy."

She looked at him in disbelief, shaking her head.

"You needed to know this, but...it's not about her, Mellie. She's part of the reason I'm happy and...going to be happy. But she's not the reason you and I need to be done. This is between you and I, and nobody else. It always has been. And we've been lying for way too long. It's time to be done. It's...time to move on. We will all be better off because of it."

He saw the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes and the pain on her face as she looked at him with anger.

"Get out."

He wasn't expecting that. At least not at the moment.

"What?" he asked.

"Get. Out," she said again firmly.

"Mellie," he began, watching her shake her head again at him. "Can we just — "

"_Get the fuck out of my house!"_ she screamed, at the top of her lungs.

He flinched, hearing her voice that loud and that strained.

He lingered there, looking down at his wife. The pain and the anger in her eyes, much more visible now, as the tears spilled out.

He had caused that.

He let out a quiet breath, and tore his eyes away from her, making his way to their bedroom to pack a bag.

Mellie sat down on the couch and put her hands up to her face; he saw it out of the corner of his eye as he made his way upstairs.

He mindlessly packed a bag, rummaging through all his clothes, and everything in their bathroom.

He hoped he had everything he could have needed, but he had no idea. He had no idea how long he was supposed to leave for, he had no idea where he was going to go. But this would just have to do.

He passed by the living room with his bag slung over his shoulder, seeing Mellie on the couch hunched over, Hank next to her again now.

No other words were exchanged before he left that house.

He got in his car and didn't think twice as he pulled out of the driveway. The only thing was, he had no idea where to go. He was just thankful he'd only had half a drink and was perfectly fine to drive.

He began by driving around Rye, wondering if he should hop on the train to the city or just head right to a hotel in Rye.

But he didn't want to be alone. And he didn't want to burden anybody else. So he called the one woman he knew would pick up the phone for him no matter what. The one woman he knew he could never be a bother to. And the one woman who didn't need to know everything in order to help.

She helped by just being her.

So after he hung up with her, he headed neither to the train station nor to a hotel in Rye. Instead, he began his drive, one that would take a little while.

He was fairly calm. Calmer than he anticipated he would be.

But to get through the drive, he put on music that reminded him of Olivia, and he didn't think about or focus on anything except the lyrics, and the road.

And he drove.

When he pulled into the long driveway, he felt a sense of relief. The sense of relief and content he always felt when he arrived there.

He let himself in through the front door, and the scent of home filled his nose. Not only that, but a comforting voice filled his ears.

"My boy?" the voice asked loudly.

He could tell she was hurrying to the front entryway.

And he took a deep breath. "Mom."

She came into the entryway, wearing a silky pair of pajamas and a worried look on her face.

She took in the sight of him, still in his full suit from the work day, and a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.

And overall, he probably didn't look the best, so he was thankful for the dim lighting in the entryway.

His dress shirt under his jacket having once been perfectly ironed this morning, was now pretty wrinkled. He knew his eyes had slight bags under them from lack of sleep. He'd had an attack this morning, and having an attack always seemed to take a physical toll on his body; he looked more stressed, more tired.

Not to mention he was pretty sure his left cheek was still beet red from being slapped just about out of his shoes earlier.

"Oh, Fitzgerald," she said, coming immediately to hug him.

He smiled slightly and wrapped his tiny mother in a huge huge, leaning down to kiss her cheek.

No matter what, it was always good to see his mother. It was always good to give her a big hug.

"Sorry for the late call," he said, patting her back affectionately.

"Oh, nonsense. It's never too late for you," she said, pulling back to look at him. "You're always welcome to stay here and you know it. This will always be your home."

"Thanks, mom. I...really appreciate that," he nodded.

She grabbed the sides of his arms and studied him head to toe.

The way mothers always studied their children. With concern, worry, and a little bit of curiosity.

He hadn't told her much on the phone, only that something had happened, and that he wondered if it would be too much trouble if he were to spend the night there.

"How bad is it, my dear boy," she stated quietly.

He sighed, looking around the grand entryway of his childhood home. "I'm not sure, mom. I'm really...not sure."

She nodded silently and started to take his duffle bag from him. "Well come on then, we'll have some coffee, you and I. Decaf, of course, because from the looks of you, you don't need _any_ more caffeine."

"Yeah, that's...probably a fair assumption," he agreed. "Mom, you don't need to take my bag, I've got it."

"Oh you shush," she said, taking his bag anyway. "Go on and sit in the breakfast nook, I'll be there in a minute."

He sighed, watching her take his bag not down to the basement, where he usually slept with his family. But up to _his_ old bedroom.

In typical Jean fashion.

He removed his shoes, coat, and suit jacket, leaving them in the entryway before he headed into the breakfast nook.

He was met with another wave of comfort as he entered the kitchen and sitting area. Home.

The feeling could never really be replaced, or described. It was just good. And he needed that right now.

She came back down, and started to get their coffee ready. She brewed a fresh carafe of decaf for the two of them. And only when she sat down next to him at the table, in the good kitchen lighting, could she see him better.

All the stress, anxiety, worry, and sleep deprivation from this past week. He honestly felt better now than he had all week, but he knew all the signs still lingered. Everything was written right there on his face, and in his body language.

Her hand came up to his cheek, as she examined the only red spot on his face, clearly not there by happenstance.

"She struck you," Jean said, looking over his cheek.

He chuckled lightly, removing her hand gently from his face.

"I deserved it," he said quietly, squeezing his mother's hand. "I deserve much worse than that, mom."

He took a sip of his coffee and she studied him worriedly.

"You're not sleeping," she stated.

"No I am not," he agreed, clearing his throat.

She sighed, giving him a sad look.

"When was the last time you had one?"

She didn't need to specify any more than that, he knew exactly what she was asking.

"This morning," he answered.

She looked at him even more concerned. "Related to what happened tonight?"

"Yes," he nodded, as his mother continued to run down the list.

"Meds?" she asked, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Have them, not on them," he answered.

"That needs to change, Fitzgerald," she said seriously.

_Sounded like Olivia._

"I'm...working on it," he nodded.

She nodded gratefully and locked eyes with his tired ones.

"Where's Karen?" she asked.

"At a sleepover," Fitz answered. "Otherwise tonight wouldn't have happened. I mean...it would have, just...not tonight. Not with K there."

There. Now her mother had all the facts.

Well. Not all of them. But that was the thing about his mother. She understood that not everything was something he wanted to talk about. She understood that some things were better left unsaid and untouched. Despite that, he often felt like his mother knew most things anyway. Mothers almost always did — especially, his, because he had naturally always been very close to her, as she was his sole parent.

He would tell her. He wasn't sure when, but he wanted her to know the truth and he would prefer it be sooner than later.

"And...how are you feeling about what happened tonight?" Jean asked.

He sat there in thought and swallowed.

"I feel...nervous. I feel guilty. And I feel...worried," he admitted. "But I also feel a weight off my shoulders. I feel lighter. And I feel...hopeful."

Jean nodded at her son.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?" Jean asked. "Mother's give the best advice, you know."

"Yes," Fitz nodded. "And...no."

Jean chuckled lightly. "A very fair answer. I only wanted to ask. You know I won't meddle too much. But you also know I want to hear how you're doing, and am always here if you want to talk."

Fitz nodded. "To be honest with you, mom...I want to tell you. I want to talk to you about it. But I'm afraid of what it will do to you to know."

She tilted her head at him. "Fitzgerald. You are my son. My boy. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me think less of you. I know the man you are. A good man, with a kind heart. Just like your dad. I'm not saying that you can do no wrong, or that you don't deserve a good scolding sometimes," she said, pointing at him. He smiled. "But I'm saying nothing will ever change the man that you are."

"I can definitely do wrong," he agreed with a nod. "And...I did. I did something that I'm not proud of; something you wouldn't be proud of either."

She nodded, looking at him curiously. "And would you take it back, if you could?"

He studied her, and slowly shook his head. "No. I would not."

"Then I wouldn't focus too much on what you've done. We've all done things we aren't proud of, Fitzgerald," she said. "And just because we do those things doesn't mean we don't deserve happiness. It doesn't mean we can't have that."

"That's all I want," he whispered. "It's...it's all that I want, for everyone. For Karen, for Mellie, for me, for — "

He cut himself off, before saying the name of the woman he loved.

"It's all I want," he continued. "I made a few mistakes along the way, things I probably should have done differently. But...I can't say I regret anything, because these past few months have shown me the happiness I can have. That we can all have."

"And you will have it," Jean nodded. "You will get there, son."

"I hope so. It's just...easier said than done, mom," he admitted. "You don't know everything that's...happened. You don't know...how screwed up things really are in my marriage. In...my whole life at this point."

"I don't know everything," she agreed. "But I know enough. More than you probably think I do."

He looked at her skeptically, but she looked right back at him as if to say "try me." So he chuckled lightly and nodded.

"I won't doubt you on that," he said, taking a sip of his coffee.

She laughed and put her hand on his. "It's good to have you home. Even under the circumstances. And...even though I'm not at all happy that she hit you."

"Mom, I will be just fine. The mark will fade by tomorrow," he chuckled. "It's good to be home. I missed you, I always do."

"You better," she said, pointing at him. "I missed you too. However long you need to stay, dear, you are welcome to."

"Thanks, mom. I'll get out of your hair tomorrow. I'm not sure...what my plans are but I'll figure it out," he nodded.

"Do you think...you're going to go back home tomorrow?" Jean asked.

He shook his head. "I don't see that happening. The only thing is Karen is supposed to be back at some point tomorrow, so..."

"So it's complicated," Jean stated.

"It's all very complicated," he agreed.

"Do you have other people you can talk to about this? Other people in your corner who...you trust?" Jean asked.

Abby. David. Olivia. Thank God.

"Yes," he nodded.

"Good," Jean said. "That makes me feel better. How about my sweet Karen?"

Fitz sighed. "She's alright. She knows...certain things about what's going on. She doesn't know everything, but she knows enough. She's afraid to talk too much about it, I know that. But at some point, hopefully soon, we can all have a conversation together about things. She deserves that."

"I agree," Jean nodded. "There are always things you want to shield from your child. Everyone does it. But...she's smart, that one. I don't think keeping too many things from her will lead down a good path. _Especially_ if she's already catching on."

"I know," Fitz replied. "I know. I just need...her other parent to feel the same."

Jean nodded, giving him an encouraging look.

"She will, son. She will," Jean said.

He nodded back gratefully. "Thanks for all of this, mom. I really...needed this, I think."

"Always, Fitz," she replied. "You always have my support. You're always my number one. No matter what. You know that."

"I do," Fitz nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I love you," she said.

"I love you too, mom," he replied.

He never would have imagined he had it in him to talk to his mother over a whole carafe of coffee that evening, given his tiredness and everything he'd been going through, but he did. Clearly he really did need this.

"Alright. Why don't you load up our mugs in the dishwasher. You need some sleep," she said, scooting her now empty mug toward him.

He nodded and went to put them in the dishwasher.

He adjusted his shirt, retucking it into his dress pants. His sleeves were rolled all the way up, and his tie was loose at his collar. He desperately needed to get out of those clothes — he'd been in them since 6:30 this morning.

They both went upstairs together, heading off to their separate rooms. Her, to the grand, large master bedroom. And him, to his old bedroom.

"Alright. I'll see you in the morning — I'll have coffee brewing by seven," Jean said.

"Sounds good. See you in the morning," he nodded.

"Mhm. Now you don't stay up too late," she said, pointing at him. Almost like she knew he was going to be up, talking to someone before he slept.

"I won't," he laughed. "Night, mom."

"Goodnight," she said, eyeing him.

He closed his door quietly and shook his head.

_Freaky female psychic powers._

The first thing he did was strip down and out of his dress clothes — thank God. His mind wandered as he put on something more comfortable to sleep in from his duffel bag.

What he'd told his mother earlier had been true. He certainly didn't feel great. He still felt nervous, and anxious. But there was a reason he overall had been feeling _okay_ tonight. Because there was a weight completely gone. There was uncertainty about what would happen going forward. But there was no more worrying about how Mellie could find out. No more worrying about sneaking around.

That was completely lifted. And he was on his way to no more lies at all.

He hadn't been in contact with Olivia since before he talked to Mellie, so he knew he had to at least keep her up to date on what was going on. He knew she must be waiting patiently and nervously to hear back. He certainly would be if he were her. Hopefully soon, they could talk in person so he could explain everything in detail.

He pulled out his phone and dialed her number, knowing he should speak quietly for his mother's sake. He didn't want to disturb her attempts to fall asleep.

The phone barely rang once before she picked up.

"Hello?" she greeted.

"Hi, Livvie," he answered.

"Hi. How are you? What happened? How did it go?" she asked quickly.

"Well, it went...um...it went interestingly. But...she knows everything, Liv. She knows now, and that's the main thing," he said.

"Oh God...okay. Okay," she responded. "How did...she take it?"

"Not great. Not...not well at all," he nodded. "But we expected that."

"Right. Yes," she sighed nervously. "I'm sorry you had to...do this alone, Fitz."

"Don't be. That's how it should have been. She's my wife. My responsibility."

Olivia was quiet for a few minutes before she spoke up again. "So...how long did you guys talk? What she did say? Are you just...in the basement now?"

"Not exactly, no," he answered. "We talked for a little while. She wasn't expecting it at all, which...I knew would be the case. It caught her completely off guard, and she was angry. She said...a lot of things. But all her anger was directed toward me, not you. Which, I also expected and I'm glad about. And then...she kicked me out, so...I'm at my mother's."

"_What?"_ Olivia asked.

"Yeah," he said. "That's why I didn't call sooner. I probably should have called when I was driving here I just...it had all just happened and I needed to gather my thoughts and...focus on the road."

"I understand, Fitz. All that matters to me is that you're okay," she replied.

"I'm alright. I talked to my mom for a while. And you know how she is."

"A talker, yes," Olivia nodded.

"Yeah. I didn't disclose anything about you yet. She doesn't know everything but...she knows some things. I always feel like she knows anyway, but...I'm not sure."

"Oh my God," Olivia whispered. "Fitz, I'm so sorry."

He sighed, adjusting his phone to his ear. "I'm...I'm not, Liv. I'm not. I'm nervous, and I have absolutely no idea what's going to happen. If there was any time you'd think I was going to fucking freak out or...be triggered or something...it would be now. But I'm not. For the first time, I feel...free. She could have forced me to stay at the house. She could have said it was no big deal as long as we...I don't know, hide the truth from Karen, or something. She could have done about a million other things that she didn't do tonight. I would rather have her...get pissed at me and kick me out than any of those other things. Because...I deserved everything that happened tonight, and those were her real instincts and emotions. They were real. They weren't pretend. And...that's what I want. I want her to choose real, and tonight she did. So...maybe I sound crazy, but...I have more hope, after tonight. I have more hope that everything awful that happened tonight will be the breakthrough that we needed."

"It doesn't sound crazy," Olivia said. "I understand. I feel terrible about it all. But I know in my heart this is what needed to happen."

"Yes," he nodded in agreement. "Me too."

"So you're doing okay then? You're feeling okay about things?" she asked.

"I'm alright," he nodded. "Stressed. But alright. Now how are _you_, is the more important question?"

"Oh, I don't know about more important," she said. "I'm doing okay. I was just worried about you, and...how things were going."

"I know. I'm sorry about this. I'm sorry that you have to feel this way. I'm sorry about everything," he replied. "You don't deserve it."

"You don't either," she said. "And if you say you do — then so do I. We're in this together."

He sighed, wanting to fight back at that. Because it was different. It just was. She could handle things just as well as anybody else could — if not better. But this wasn't her responsibility to deal with and she still did. But he knew she wouldn't have it if he argued with her, so he let it go.

"I miss you," he said quietly. "Feels like it's been forever since this morning."

"I miss you too," she replied. "Do you know what your plans are for tomorrow?"

"No," he answered. "I'm not sure. I want to give her space. But...Karen's supposed to come home, so...I'm not sure what Mellie will want to do."

"Yeah, I get that," Olivia replied. "Well...Greta has plans tomorrow with friends. I'm not sure what time, but if for some reason you were able to, you could come here. I always love to see you and I'd like to. Especially...right now."

He smiled. "I always love to see you, too. How about we both keep each other updated then. Sound good?"

"Sounds good. You want to...try and get to sleep?" Olivia asked.

He sighed. "Probably. I wouldn't want my mother finding out I'm staying up past my bedtime."

She started to giggle, which then made him laugh too.

"We definitely don't want to upset Jean," Olivia agreed. "I know it's hard, but try and sleep. And...maybe we'll see each other tomorrow."

"I hope so," he nodded. "I hope you get some sleep, too. I love you, Olivia. So much."

"I love you too," she replied. "Goodnight, Fitz."

"Goodnight."

He hung up the phone and plugged it into his charger. Thank God he remembered to pack that.

And then he tried his best to fall asleep, using hopeful thoughts to get him there.

* * *

**Go ahead and read the next part!**


	21. The Truth Pt 2

He awoke to the scent of coffee brewing and breakfast being made. Something with bacon, that was for sure.

He looked over at the clock, which read 7:15. That was a good sign at least. He hadn't slept all that great throughout the night, but 7:15 was sleeping in more than usual.

He immediately sat up and pushed back the covers, rubbing his eyes that were, nonetheless, still tired from this past week.

He grabbed his phone and went downstairs, seeing the smile form on his mom's face immediately.

"Hey, mom," he greeted.

"Well there you are!" she exclaimed, frying some eggs. "I was going to come wake you up soon. Because it's best when it's hot, and — "

"And you only make breakfast once," he chuckled and nodded.

"That's right," she nodded. "I've got your favorites here. Eggs, over easy. Toast. Bacon. Hashbrowns. Fresh fruit. Oh, and coffee's on."

"Thank you, mom. You didn't have to do all this," he said, eating a freshly sliced strawberry from the bowl on the island.

"Oh, it's no big deal. But it is good I went shopping yesterday, because boy, do you eat a lot," she nodded.

He chuckled. "I'll take you out for lunch today, how's that?"

"Well that sounds wonderful, Fitz. Thank you," she said, turning to look at him gratefully.

"The least I can do," he said. "Especially after you just cleaned out your fridge to feed me."

"Now you've got a point there. I'm used to cooking for one. One _small woman_ I might add," she said. "Why don't you pour us our coffee."

He nodded, heading over to her little coffee station.

"How are you feeling today, son?" she asked, looking over at him as he poured her coffee.

"Alright," he nodded. "Just, um...just trying to stay positive."

"Good," she replied, smiling. "When there's nothing else you can do, staying positive is important."

He nodded in agreement and set her coffee down next to her.

"Thank you, my boy. Okay. You go on and sit down now. Sit."

He chuckled and obeyed his mother.

He knew she was completely in her element right now. Cooking breakfast for her son and drinking coffee with him, after he had spent the night at her house. No matter the circumstances, no matter what was all happening in either of their lives right now, he knew she cherished their time together above anything else.

She was the best. The best he could ever ask for.

They had a nice conversation over breakfast, and he cleaned up the kitchen for her afterward, which she was very grateful for.

After they'd gotten ready for their days, he couldn't help but send a text to Mellie. He did want to give her space. But he also wanted to be in the know about Karen's whereabouts and what the plan was. He didn't know what exactly Mellie would tell Karen at this point, if he weren't back by the time Karen got home. He also wasn't sure he could expect an answer from Mellie. If she was still too pissed off and didn't care to think about the situation — she wouldn't answer. And if that were the case, he was just going to go home, regardless, after he took his mom to lunch.

But clearly, she was still thinking about the situation, because she texted him back.

**Mellie: Susan invited her to stay another night, and Karen wanted to. I'm picking her up tomorrow morning. I don't want to see you before then.**

He sighed, looking down at his phone. Well. It could have gone better than that. But it also could have gone worse, too.

"What is it?" Jean asked, as she grabbed her jacket from the hook by the front door.

"Karen is staying another night at her friend's," he said, texting Mellie back. He told her he would be there tomorrow morning.

"Is that good or bad?" Jean asked.

"Good, I think," he nodded.

"Good. Well, if you need somewhere to stay again tonight, you know you are more than welcome to. I have brunch plans with a few of my girlfriends on the CANY board tomorrow morning. But other than that, I'll be here."

"Thank you, mom, but that's alright," he shook his head. "There's actually...somewhere else I've got to be today."

* * *

The sight of her was exactly what he needed.

And when they reached her suite after they'd met in the back entryway of her building, he realized he needed more than just to see her.

Their arms were instantly around each other, embracing in a warm, close hug.

They had a good portion of the day together thanks to Greta's plans with her friends. He'd check into a hotel later, but since he wasn't going to be going back home, the first place he'd wanted to be was with Olivia.

So there he was, hugging her in the entryway of her place.

With everything that had been happening, the power of a hug did wonders for both of them.

She let out a deep breath, snuggling her face into his chest.

"I'm so glad you're here," she whispered.

"I'm glad too," he nodded, kissing the top of her head. "How are you doing today?"

"Better now," she said. "You?"

"Better now," he replied, pulling back to look at her.

They flashed each other small smiles, before leaning in for a kiss.

"Here," she murmured against his lips. "I can take your bag."

She grabbed his duffel bag from him and he thanked her, following her into her bedroom. It was the same as the last time he'd seen it.

It really reminded him of the first bedroom he ever had outside of his childhood home — his bedroom in his first apartment. It was similar in many ways, aside from hers being on the more feminine side thanks to her decorating.

As soon as he glanced at the wall to his right — the one opposite where her bed was — he couldn't help but think about what had happened against that wall. That was the last time he'd been here.

That was a nice memory.

But he did see something new since the last time he'd been there. Pictures, hung up by her bed. Beautifully drawn pictures, that he recognized immediately.

"K," he said, sitting down on her bed. He smiled, running his fingers over the drawings. One of them was of the New York City skyline, and the other was of a panda bear, eating bamboo. That one, she'd drawn for her after she helped her out with her wonderful panda Halloween costume.

Both drawings had "To Olivia, From Karen" written on the bottom corners.

"Yeah. I found those in a folder in my bag last week," Olivia said with a smile, sitting down next to him. "They have now become the most _important_ artwork in my room, no doubt."

He chuckled. "She would love that you've got them hung up."

"I would send her a picture of them to show her, but...something tells me this wouldn't be the best time to do that," Olivia said sadly.

He nodded in agreement, moving his hand to hold onto hers.

"We'll get past this," he said assuringly.

"I know we will," Olivia nodded, resting against him.

He pulled her closer and held her. Right now he didn't want anything more than just to hold her. Right here right now, this was exactly where he wanted to be.

He rubbed her arm slowly with his hand that was wrapped around her. She fully snuggled up against him, wrapping her arms around his body too.

And there they sat, holding each other, eventually transitioning from sitting to laying.

Her bed was small. But it was big enough for the two of them to lay closely cuddled up together. So that's what they did, enjoying each other's presence. To have a calm, quiet moment just the two of them in the midst of the utter chaos that was their lives right now, was amazing, and not something they got often.

It was so nice that they both drifted off to sleep for a little bit.

He was on his back, arm wrapped around her, while her arm and leg were both draped over his body.

Olivia woke first, trying not to wake him up as she looked up at him, sleeping.

It was refreshing to see him not worrying. Not anxious about anything. Just at peace, in his sleep.

Lord knows he probably was still way behind on his sleep, but that little 45-minute nap left her feeling refreshed, so hopefully he would feel the same. He wasn't far behind her in waking up.

She laid there quietly, enjoying his presence until he let out a deep breath and started to stir.

His eyes slowly opened and he tilted his head down to look sleepily at her. And he smiled.

"Hi you," he whispered.

"Hi you," she whispered back. "Sleep well?"

He stretched his body, letting out a yawn. "Yeah. How long were we out?"

"About 45 minutes," she said, snuggling closer to him.

"Mmm," he nodded, tightening his arm around her. "Clearly I was right. I sleep better with you."

"So do I," she said, putting her hand up to his cheek. "We probably needed that."

"Yeah, probably," he agreed. "Not much sleep to go around these days."

"No," she shook her head.

He sighed, looking down at his beautiful girlfriend. So strong. So amazing.

And she just looked up at him with that look of hers. The look that displayed everything she felt for him. It never went away. No matter what crazy thing they were dealing with — she was always looking up at him with that look.

He studied her eyes, before his gaze flickered down to her lips.

She was practically laying on top of him now. They were almost as close as they could be when she leaned in to kiss him.

He sighed lightly against her lips, letting his hand wander up to her face. He held her cheek, sliding his fingers behind her ear as he opened his mouth.

She took the opportunity to slide her tongue inside, which he reciprocated by brushing hers with his own.

Slowly, she inched closer, until she was fully on top of his body.

He wrapped his arms fully around her protectively. Holding her tightly to his body while they made out.

It was slow, and passionate, and everything they wanted to show each other right now.

No words were spoken.

She comfortably rested her arms on either side of his head, biting his bottom lip playfully.

She heard the quiet chuckle he let out, which made her smile against his mouth, and press her lips to his again.

He was already hard. But then she ran her hand ran down his body, and with each inch of ground she covered, he grew harder beneath her. But he never stopped kissing her.

Finally, his arms loosened around her, and he made his own move, while she was now touching him through his jeans.

One of his hands made its way up to her chest, pushing aside the low cut neck of her shirt to grant himself access.

He exhaled deeply the second he felt her bare breast. Her nipple was hard beneath his thumb, so he circled his thumb over it while he squeezed her whole breast lightly.

She moaned lightly into his mouth, and he felt her hand start to massage him down there.

His other arm stayed wrapped tightly around her back. Holding her close to him while still giving her some room to play around. Which, was starting to escalate now.

Her fingers fiddled with his belt buckle, while they continued to make moves slowly.

His pants came off. Her shirt came off, and then so did his. Finally, her own jeans came off.

By then, they were in their underwear, and he had rolled her over onto her back.

Her neck was wet from his mouth, and he wasn't stopping. She felt his tongue against her skin and the light sucking of his lips, and she sighed in pleasure, running her fingers through his hair.

Her legs spread open further, so he responded by rubbing himself against her. He was rock hard, and even through both of their underwear, she could feel every inch of him against her.

She moaned quietly, reveling in the feeling of his dick against her and his mouth on her skin. Her underwear were already wet, she could feel them.

And now, so could he. His hand had made its way down her stomach and to her panties. And now his fingers were teasing her through her underwear, while he was kissing his way down her chest. He was simultaneously reaching under her to unclasp her bra while his mouth and his fingers never ceased their teasing. It was a lot of wonderful multitasking going on, but it had been so long since the last time — she was growing more desperate.

Desperate to feel him again.

She eagerly sat up so that he could remove her bra. He exhaled in pleasure, leaning down to take her nipple in his mouth. While doing so, he pushed her underwear aside so he could touch her clit.

She gasped, giving up all control to him. He watched her facial expressions. Watched how rubbing her clit made her squirm beneath him.

He liked that.

But he slowed down a bit because he wanted her to feel him first. And she was so in agreement with him.

"Drawer," she panted, pointing lazily at her nightstand. "Fitz...please...please."

He stopped touching her completely and she reached right away for his briefs.

So he took the opportunity to grab the box of condoms in her nightstand drawer. The box that she'd taken with her after their night at the Langham.

He could see her desperation, and frankly, he understood, because he already knew he wouldn't last long to begin with, and seeing her moan and pant beneath him was its own kind of pleasure.

So he watched her pull down his briefs, his stiff length bobbing free.

Her face said it all; she looked at him with such pleasure.

A smile formed on his face as he rid himself of his briefs, and opened the condom.

She watched eagerly as he rolled it on, and he smiled, seeing the want in her eyes.

He nodded toward himself, indicating that she should follow him as he sat back. He briefly took in the beautiful view of her spread on the bed. But she wasn't spread for long.

She nodded and made her way over to him, smiling at his hand as he moved two of his fingers in a "come closer" motion.

Slowly, she swung her legs over his lap, looking down at his legs open for her and the raging erection below her. He pulled her close, and they both eased her onto him. Both moaned as she descended down, his thick member filling her up slowly.

She tightened her grip around his neck and he tightened his around her back. Her skin was already damp with sweat and so were his palms, so he adjusted his grip as they lingered there, him fully inside of her.

"Oh, God — Fitz," she moaned, collapsing her head on his shoulder briefly. Cherishing the feeling of him again. Her mouth was open in pleasure, and her walls were tight and slick around him.

_Oh God_, he was not going to last long.

He buried his head in her chest, exhaling against her soft skin as they both began to roll their hips in perfect sync.

She clutched at his curls while he moved his hands down to her ass, pulling her as close as she could possibly be with each grind of her hips.

His moans kept coming; the sound was so pleasing to her. She kissed along the side of his face, nearing his lips. And when she got there he beat her to it; capture her lips in a kiss.

She felt so good. Everything about her felt good; her breasts against his chest, her walls around his dick, her lips on his, and her tongue in his mouth. He grew closer and closer, with every roll of her hips.

She could tell when he was close, so she decided to pick up her pace and take advantage of the control _she_ now had.

He moaned, guiding her ass quicker, too, until his panting was so fast and his body started to really give him away.

He held to her so tightly, and he shook slightly against her as he thrust up into her in rhythm with her hips. The slight jerking of his muscles let her know he was on the very edge.

"Olivi—a, Olivia —" he panted, meeting her eyes.

A smile formed on her face through all her own panting.

He steadily breathed and moaned loudly as he spilled into the condom and thrust in and out of her.

"Oh —" he moaned quietly, resting her head against her damp chest. Both of their skin was covered in sweat.

She smiled and held onto his curly head, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

He was dead tired, and his eyes were closed. He rubbed her back affectionately as he came down from his high — oh, how wonderful it had been.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, still breathing heavily. "Just give me...a minute."

"Sorry for what, baby?" she whispered, holding his face in her hands.

He looked at her as if to say "really?" and she shook her head with a laugh, because she figured he was referring to the fact that he didn't last very long.

"Oh, Fitz, it's okay," she laughed.

"This is still just not a very, um...common occurrence for me," he whispered, leaning his head back into her chest.

"I know that," she nodded. "And I hope this isn't too inappropriate of a time for me to say...I would really like to change that."

He looked up at her and met her eyes, seeing her smirk. So naturally, he smirked back before they both started to laugh.

"I um...fully support that plan," he nodded. "A hundred percent agree. Yes."

"Good deal," she laughed, kissing his nose.

He smiled at her, starting to lift her off of him.

"Greta's not going to come home the second I walk naked to your bathroom is she?" he whispered.

"No," Olivia giggled. "They're studying for an exam in a class they all take together. She'll be a while."

"Mmkay," he chuckled, pecking her cheek.

He left the room to clean himself up, and she laid back on the bed, still trying to catch her breath from all of that.

Little did she know that would be pointless, considering what Fitz did the second he came back.

He closed her bedroom door again, walking to her bed completely naked and completely perfect. He set a washcloth he'd brought with him on the nightstand and got back in bed, admiring her whole body displayed for him.

His hands gently brushed her calves, before grabbing them and pushing them upward so that her legs were bent at the knee. And then he pushed her legs open further for him, seeing how far they could go.

She seemed to get the memo, because she voluntarily opened her legs wide, spreading herself for him.

He knelt down, reaching for her thighs to keep them spread. And then he wet two of his own fingers, before sliding them right inside of her.

She gasped, watching him pull his fingers out now, and push them back in.

They made eye contact and he smiled sweetly at her, as he now circled his thumb around her clit, too.

He spread her legs more after that, and he watched how wide she could get for him. Jesus, was she flexible.

His dick was hard again in no time, but he tried to pay no attention to it. Not when she hadn't orgasmed yet today. He couldn't have that happening.

So he fingered her hard, until he got her there. It didn't take him very long, and God, it was sexy.

He watched her body tremble and shake beneath him while his name and a few swear words spilled out of her mouth. And he watched it all in pleasure.

"There. That's better, isn't it," he whispered, rubbing her thigh.

"Oh...my," she said, resting her arms and legs back on the bed tiredly. Now she was even more out of breath.

He reached for the washcloth he'd set on the nightstand and she gratefully took it from him to clean up.

After, he extended his body upward to meet her eyes, the lower half of his body pressed against hers.

He leaned down and kissed her, which she instantly returned as she wrapped her arms around him.

He flipped them over, allowing her to rest on top of him now. And she appreciated it, laying her head down on his shoulder.

He rubbed her back, listening to the sound of her fast breathing. Her breaths gradually became calmer, and less frequent.

"I love you so much, Fitz," she whispered.

He looked at her content, tired face and smiled. "I love _you_ so much."

A comfortable silence, filled with smiles and soft breaths filled the air.

They'd missed each other, and probably were in desperate need of what they'd just done. Even if it wasn't for long, a brief mental break could do wonders for a pair of anxious, uneasy minds.

Especially a mental break like the one they'd just had...that was definitely going to have to happen again today. If not multiple more times.

But despite their wonderful reunion, the situation they faced currently was still there. It couldn't be ignored. And so their reality set back in.

The smiles eventually faded and she spoke up.

"Fitz," she said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think...she's thinking? I mean...how do you think tomorrow will go, when you go back?" she whispered, looking up at him. She still laid comfortably on his chest, awaiting his thoughts.

He sighed gently and paused his hand on her back.

"I don't know how...tomorrow will go. I've been thinking about it since I left. Wondering...what her first words to me will be when she sees me again. That part...I don't know," he admitted.

She nodded, looking at him as he continued to talk.

"But I do know how she thinks. She...doesn't know what to do," he began quietly. "She's...so angry. I had never seen her so angry before, and I've said...a few things in my day that had her really pissed at me, rightfully so. But...not at all like this. I could see...the feeling of betrayal just...radiating from her. I could see so much...hurt. And I don't know if that's because...of what I've done, or because she was starting to realize that maybe...I'm right. That maybe...we're too fucked up to make this work for K and now...she's worried about K going through all of it. I don't know, I just know I saw it."

She sighed, listening to him talk about the woman they'd both inflicted this on. Nobody deserved this.

"And…she's the jealous type. Always has been. It's why she never got along with Abby. So no matter how she feels about me…she does have a tendency to feel jealous. She's…embarrassed. Humiliated. That I had her fooled, and she never figured it out. She never saw it coming. Especially because...she's the one who was all about joining this program and having you stay with us, and it all happened right in front of her. All of that embarrassment and humiliation and jealousy just makes her...more angry," he said.

Yeah. That was understandable.

"But...despite all of that, she would never do anything to make Karen feel caught in the middle. She would never intentionally do anything to...make Karen feel...like she and I aren't okay. That's...her biggest fear, ever, is Karen getting hurt. Mellie would do anything to make sure that doesn't happen. She and I just...have different ways of trying to do that, clearly."

Olivia nodded silently.

"That's why I knew...we'd be okay through this. Mellie is stubborn. And...she can be a pain in the ass," he admitted. "But at the end of the day...she's just a woman who's trying to do what she feels is best for our child. It's the only thing we ever see eye to eye on. She and I _really_ don't...mesh. It wasn't always this bad; it's gotten worse over the years — how much she dislikes me. But...she isn't evil. She's kind. She has...a good heart."

Olivia nodded. "I know. I know she does."

There hadn't been anyone more kind to her in that house than Mellie. Always supportive of her, always cheery.

Olivia sighed, putting her hand up to her face.

It was a lot. Everything had just been...a lot. And she was proud of herself, because she felt she'd handled it all very well. She was a calm, strong person, and she always felt she could deal with just about anything.

But sometimes feelings of guilt, uncertainty, worry, and fear were stronger. Especially when they wore on you for a long, long time.

Her eyes welled up slowly with tears and she immediately hid her face from him, resting it on his shoulder again.

_Nooo_, she internally screamed. Tears? Ugh.

"Hey," he said gently. "Hey, hey. Hey. Livvie, look at me."

She sighed, wiping her face as she looked up at him. But wiping her face did next to nothing. Her eyes were red, and brimming with more tears. And her eye makeup was slightly smudged.

"Talk to me," he whispered, wiping the tears as they rolled down her cheeks.

She let out a steady breath, trying to pull herself together. But it didn't work. Not this time.

"I just..." she began, sniffling. "I just wish we didn't have to hurt anyone."

"I know," he nodded gently.

"I believe...what we chose to do was right. The worst thing we could do to her is to continue with the lies. And I believe...eventually, everyone will be happier. Most importantly...Karen. But the pain we've caused right now...to Mellie. It doesn't feel good."

"No," he agreed. "It doesn't."

"I was right, when we talked about this in November. When...we ended things. Our situation...always hurts someone. We were...always going to hurt someone, even though...it's a better option for everyone," she cried quietly. "We can't cheat and...go behind people's backs and expect not to hurt people. And I just...wish, impossibly, that...we didn't have to."

"I know. I know, Liv," he nodded.

He just wanted to let her talk. Because she hadn't broken down like this, and he knew it was healthy for her to get it out. So he continued to stay fairly quiet so she would keep talking.

"I just wish...this wasn't our situation. It's not fair," she whimpered, laying her head down on his chest.

Tears fell from her cheek as she sniffled, and it pained him just to watch. He hated to see her cry.

"But life isn't fair. And we want this. And...it does no good to dwell on wishes," she cried. "I know that. I'm...I'm sorry. I'm being ridiculous. It's just...a lot going on. It's just...so much."

"You're not being ridiculous," he said, brushing her hair back. "You are being normal. You are being _human. _And this _is_ a lot. Trust me...you know I understand that. How things pile on. I _understand."_

She sighed, wiping her eyes with a nod. "I hate crying."

"I know you do," he chuckled lightly. "And I hate it too. It hurts me, to see you cry."

"I'm sorry," she shook her head. "I'm sorry. I'm...I'm fine."

"You have no reason to be sorry," he replied lightly. "You are...so strong, Olivia. So strong. You...amaze me. You are a person everyone should aspire to be. So...when you need to talk, I'm here to talk. Because as you reminded me yesterday, you know...we all need it. It's not good to hold things in."

She knew he was referring to yesterday morning — a situation he had just experienced.

She nodded in agreement.

"When you need help, I'm here. I am _always_ here," he whispered, intertwining their fingers together.

"Thank you," she sniffled.

"There's no need to thank me," he said. "And...I'm so sorry, again, that you have to feel all of this. I wish you didn't, Olivia. I wish...I just wish...we had different circumstances. For all of us. But as you said...it does no good to dwell on wishes."

"No, it doesn't," she nodded in agreement. "I know that...you leaving her needed to happen regardless of if I was in the picture or not. I know that it wasn't healthy, and I know she never treated you the way you should have been treated, and that really fucking upsets me. And I truly believe that Mellie will believe those things eventually, too. I really do. But...sometimes it's just hard for me not to feel like...I'm the bad guy in this story. In times like this...sometimes it's hard not to feel like...the mistress, homewrecker."

"Oh my God, Olivia. Baby. You know that couldn't be _furthest_ from the truth," he said, shaking his head.

"I know," she nodded. "And I don't regret anything. I don't regret anything we've chosen to do and I'm glad that Mellie knows. I feel...so much freer, and I feel like the only place we can go now is up. But...when you hurt people, it's still hard not to feel like the villain."

"I understand. I have the same feelings. I feel...the same guilt. But what gets me through is the life that we want. That we all deserve. What gets me through is that this will be best for everyone. Mellie included. And she will see it. It may take her some time to heal, and stop being angry. But we'll get there."

"We will," she agreed, squeezing his hand.

He sighed contently, locking eyes with her.

"I don't ever want you to feel like you're...a mistress," he said, struggling to even say the word.

"I know. I know, Fitz," she nodded understandingly. Because she did know that wasn't what she was. She knew better than that.

He reached for her face and held onto her cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over her soft skin.

"You are the _love_ of my _life."_

The breath caught in her throat and she looked at him in awe.

"Do you hear me?"

She nodded admirably at him and gave him a soft smile, trying not to let herself start crying again or something, because she really wanted to now.

"I...hear you," she whispered.

"Good," he whispered back. "Because if you didn't hear me I was...going to...say it again."

She looked at him innocently and shrugged.

"Maybe...I didn't hear you."

He smirked and chuckled at her.

"You are the love of my life, Olivia Pope."

She sighed, laying her head back down on his chest contently.

"You're mine, too, Fitz," she whispered. "You're the love of my life, too."

* * *

"Thanks for the takeout, baby," Olivia said, taking a bite of fried rice.

"Mhm," he nodded, grabbing a pair of chopsticks. "Sounded...really good actually. I can always go for Thai."

"Sometime you're over next I'll have to _make_ you dinner instead. We have a kitchen just down the hall. It's pretty nice actually," she said.

"Mmm," he nodded. "I'll take you up on that. I love your cooking."

"I love yours," she said, smiling. "But...on occasion, takeout hits the spot. Especially after working up...an appetite."

He about choked on his pad thai.

He coughed, looking at her with a smile and clearing his throat.

She started to laugh, watching him shake his head at her.

"Thank you for that," he chuckled.

"No problem. Thank _you,"_ she said, smiling.

He smiled back, and his cheeks slowly turned a light shade of pink.

"You are so cute," she laughed, shaking her head. "You and your blushing."

"I'm not blushing," he said, shaking his head.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "You realize...I'm looking at you right now and can physically _see_ you blushing...right?"

He put down his chopsticks and held his hands in front of his face, starting to chuckle quietly.

She gasped and leaned forward, moving his hands away. "Don't cover your handsome face from me."

He smiled, looking between her pretty eyes and her lips as she held onto his hands.

He leaned in and pecked them briefly, then again once more.

"Your lips are spicy," she whispered, pecking them again. "I like it."

He chuckled quietly, and watched her smile get bigger with each peck he gave her.

"Thanks for eating dinner with me on my bedroom floor," she whispered.

He smiled and started to chuckle again, leaning his forehead against hers.

"The only place I ever want to be is with you," he whispered back.

Her bright smile lit up the whole room.

She kissed the tip of his nose, something that had become a habit of hers. It always made him smile.

"I love you," she whispered. "I'll let you eat now, but I _do_ want you to know that I love you."

"I love you," he chuckled, kissing her hand as she retreated back to her previous spot on the floor.

And then he sighed.

"After we're done, though, Livvie...I probably should go."

She looked at him sadly and nodded. But then she tilted her head.

"Do you have to?"

He shrugged. "I just figured...Greta would be here soon."

She shrugged. "That doesn't mean...she has to see you. There are plenty of nights we just chill in our rooms. I'll just keep my door shut, we've been in here all afternoon anyway."

He raised his eyebrows at her and looked at her skeptically.

"I mean...even if she were to see you, would it really even matter anyway? I don't know that I'm really ready to tell her everything I guess, but...she doesn't even know who you are," Olivia shrugged.

"Yeah. That's true," he agreed. "Being careful doesn't hurt, but...either way, it's not the end of the world. I already did the damage, anyway."

"Mhm," she nodded. "So...?"

"You want me to stay?" he asked, smiling.

"If you don't mind sleeping in a tiny bed with me that you barely fit on, then yes," she nodded.

"Doesn't bother me," he said, taking a bite of his lo mein.

"I guess it's settled then," she shrugged, smiling at him. "You're stuck with me. Saves you the ridiculous amount of money you would have spent to stay at The Langham, too."

"How do you know that's where I would have picked?" he asked.

"Because I know you."

He nodded at her. Yeah, she was right.

"You do know me," he chuckled.

They finished up their takeout and Olivia cleaned up a bit, before deciding they wanted to take a shower.

So, he showered with her. It had her giggling quietly afterward, because he only had Olivia's options for soap.

He smelled like her when they were done. He smelled damn good!

It was after eight by the time they got out of the shower. So they figured they'd just get ready for bed all at once, and be able to relax and watch some TV in Olivia's room after.

But as they were brushing their teeth, the front door opened.

Fitz paused with his toothbrush in his mouth, looking at Olivia.

She had wide eyes and was trying not to laugh. Whoops.

"Hey Liv," Greta said tiredly through the door.

"Hey G," Olivia replied, mouth full of toothpaste. "Have a good time studying?"

"Yeah, yeah. If I don't ace this damn exam I'm throwing myself off the Empire State Building."

Fitz about sprayed her with toothpaste, looking half amused and half worried at Greta's comment as he covered his mouth.

So naturally, Olivia almost started giggling at Fitz's reaction.

"You all good in there?" Greta laughed.

"Yeah," Olivia said, going to spit in the sink. "You would never do that!"

"Oh of course not, that's way too dramatic. Plus I'd miss you too much. And then Mikko and I would never live happily after ever," Greta sighed.

"That's the spirit," Olivia laughed. "I'd miss you too! You'll ace the exam anyway. I believe in you."

Greta sighed happily. "Always the positive energy I need. What would I do without you, Liv?"

Olivia gestured to the sink and then to Fitz, and he nodded, going to finish up as well.

"Be super sad," Olivia said.

"You right," Greta agreed. "Hey, I'm gonna take my makeup off and then is it cool if I hop in the shower?"

"Yeah, I'm just about done," Olivia said.

"K cool, thanks," Greta replied.

She listened for her footsteps into her room and looked at Fitz.

"Okay. Come on," she whispered.

He slipped his toothbrush inside his bag and nodded.

Greta was in her room with the door just partially open, so it was an easy walk back to Olivia's room. Not like she was that desperate to keep him a secret, but she figured with having just told Mellie yesterday, she didn't quite feel the need to go and tell everyone else in the world quite yet. One step at a time.

Olivia shut her door and locked it, watching him set his bag down by her dresser again.

"She seems fun," he chuckled quietly.

"She is fun," Olivia smiled. "You'll like her when you meet her...officially."

"I look forward to that," he nodded. "Until then, I guess...being quiet is my specialty."

He sat down on her bed and she sat down with him. "I wouldn't say that's...always the case," she smirked.

He smirked back and started to blush. "Hmm...well. I don't think I can argue with that one."

"No. I don't think you can," she said, smiling. "So, what do you wanna watch?"

"Well. We still have a season left of 'Game of Thrones.' We could work on finishing it, if you want?" he shrugged.

Watching their old show, while actually being able to cuddle with him? Sounded like a plan to her.

"Yeah," she smiled. "Let's do it."

* * *

"I'll keep you updated," Fitz said.

"Okay," Olivia nodded, speaking quietly as they were still in her bedroom.

Fitz had quietly gotten ready for the day there at her place. The fact that Greta was a late sleeper and had a heavy fan blowing in her room helped their cause, even though Greta hearing him truly wasn't their main concern at all.

The only thing on their minds now was what was going to happen today. How Mellie was going to react, or what she was going to do when he went back home.

They'd find out soon enough.

"Come here," he whispered, pulling her toward him.

She leaned into him for a hug, cherishing the feeling of his arms around her.

"Thank you for asking me to come. I needed this. I needed you," he whispered.

"I did too," she replied. "I really did. And it makes it even harder to say goodbye."

"I know," he said solemnly. "We won't always have to say goodbye. We won't. I promise."

She nodded into his chest, holding tighter to him.

"It's all going to be okay, Liv. I know it," he whispered. "No matter what happens, we will be okay. Always."

She nodded again, looking up at him.

He kissed the top of her head and pulled back to look down at her, too.

"I love you."

"I love you," she whispered.

She stood on her tiptoes and waited for him to lean down to kiss her lips. He did.

She gave him some appreciation and he eagerly returned it. She felt his tongue, and she kissed him harder.

Part of her just wanted to stand there and kiss him. Not let him leave, for fear of how bad the day could turn. But she couldn't do that. She couldn't stall progress. So as nice as their last half a day together had been...as nice as the little break had been, it was over now.

They said goodbye, and he left her place. He took a cab back to his mom's house to grab his car and make the drive home. Her car wasn't in the garage, so he knew she was at brunch with her girlfriends.

And then he made the drive home, which went faster than he could have expected it to, considering he was a bit uncertain about the day ahead of him. A bit anxious, but that was nothing new.

When he pulled up to the gated driveway, he wasn't sure whether or not Karen would be home yet. He wasn't sure if he should hope for anything either way, but he kept his bag in his car just in case.

He had no idea what to expect here.

The second he walked in through the garage door, his little girl's voice filled his ears and he couldn't help but smile. Well, that gave him his answer.

It had been two whole days since he'd seen her, which was too long in his book, hence the smile that instantly formed at the sound of her voice. And from the brief conversation he'd heard upon walking in, she sounded happy, so that was a plus.

But she cut herself off after she heard the garage door open and close. She gasped.

"Dad!"

He peeked his head around the corner as he entered the kitchen, and saw her coming toward him, along with Hank. You could always count on little Hank to greet someone upon walking in the door. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mellie not far from him, standing by the kitchen island where he assumed she had been talking to Karen.

But he turned his attention to Karen first.

He gasped back, opening his arms for his daughter. "There's my favorite girl! Hey!"

"Hey, dad," she greeted, smiling as he wrapped her in a big hug.

"Hi, sweetheart. How are you?" he asked, kissing her cheek.

Hank's tail was wagging furiously while he vyed for Fitz's attention. Fitz chuckled at him and patted his back.

"Yes, hello to you too, buddy," he said.

"I'm good. I missed you," Karen said, also laughing at Hank. "How was grandma Jean's?"

He looked up, meeting his wife's eyes for the very first time as she closed the distance between them. She nodded ever so slightly at him, to hint to him that that was her cover for him and their situation. At least it was partially true.

So because of that cover, she did what the two of them would normally do in the presence of Karen. She greeted him in their most "normal" way, with a hug and a kiss.

But even in her acting, he could tell she was angry. She had every right, and he wasn't surprised at the fact. But her actions felt even more forced when they wrapped their arms around each other in a hug, and she leaned in to peck his lips.

He knew that they probably had a lot more talking to do and this wasn't even close to over. But still, he desperately didn't want to pretend in front of Karen. But, there they were.

He very hesitantly and very briefly kissed her back and then cleared his throat, studying her eyes.

"Hey," he said, as normally as possible.

"Hey," Mellie said back.

"Uh...grandma Jean's was great! She says hi," Fitz said, smiling down at Karen, who was instantly tickled she'd revived a shoutout from grandma.

"Glad you made it back. I was just telling Karen how sad I was that I didn't feel well yesterday and couldn't come with you to stay at grandma Jean's," Mellie said.

He nodded slowly at Mellie and realized that was also part of the cover; the reason he had been gone and she hadn't been.

"Uh-huh," Fitz nodded. "So, you um...you feeling okay today?"

She gave him the fakest smile, and nodded at him. "I'm feeling much better."

"Good," he nodded, returning a fake smile.

"Now what about you, miss K? How was Casey's?" he asked, giving his daughter a very real and genuine smile.

"It was so fun, dad. I was telling mom on the way home about the solar system model Casey and I built for fun. I was waiting for you to come home to show it to you both. You want to see?!" she exclaimed.

"Of course we do!" Fitz nodded.

"Absolutely!" Mellie exclaimed.

"Okay, okay. I'll be right back. It has a lot of pieces, so...it might take me a second. But...but just wait, I'll be back!" Karen said, before darting upstairs.

Both Fitz and Mellie laughed as she quickly left the kitchen, and then they instantly removed their arms from around each other. Fitz headed for the coffee maker immediately after.

Clearly he was in for a long morning, so he was making his damn coffee.

"Surprised you made it here so early," Mellie said dully, but very quietly.

He turned on the coffee maker and nodded. "I wasn't sure what time would be best, but thought sooner was better than later."

Mellie laughed quietly. "Oh, I just mean because you were probably busy..._having fun_...for 48 hours straight."

Ah yes. Here it came.

He sighed, stopping what he was doing with the coffee maker. "Mell, I just got here, okay? Can you just...give me a minute before we're at each other's throats again?"

"Oh sure, baby. Anything for you," she whispered sarcastically. "Wouldn't want to upset you anymore. Because now we all know what happens when Fitz gets upset and times are tough. He decides it doesn't matter what he does as long as, hey, it feels good to him."

"Karen is upstairs," he yelled at her in a whisper.

"_Then don't fucking yell,"_ she whispered back. He realized quickly, that she was mocking something he had said weeks ago to her in the sunroom when she'd said the same thing he'd just said. That Karen was upstairs.

"Or does that only apply when _you_ want it to?" she asked.

Now it just felt like she was mocking everything he said.

He sighed, continuing on with his coffee making.

"I understand that you're upset. And you have _every_ right to be. I just don't think right now, when our daughter will be down any minute, is the right time for this," he said calmly, and quietly.

"Oh trust me I agree. I don't want our sweet, innocent daughter to know about this any more than you," she sighed, watching him distastefully.

"Good. An agreement," he whispered, hearing Karen's little feet at the top of the steps. He sighed, looking over at her, seeing her glare back at him.

"We're not done talking."

"Hell no, we're not," Mellie agreed quietly, seeing Karen's emerge from the staircase.

They both instantly plastered happy faces on and Mellie wrapped her arm around Fitz's side, smiling at Karen holding up her adorable little model in all its pieces.

"See! Isn't it so cool?! It's not painted yet, but I want to paint it. If I did all my chores today...could we please get some paint next time we go to the store?" Karen asked. "I have paintbrushes. I just ran out of my paint after my last GT project."

Fitz smiled and wrapped his arm hesitantly around Mellie in return. Ugh.

They looked at each other and nodded.

"I think we can make that work, what does mom think?" Fitz nodded at Mellie.

She nodded too. "I think that would be a nice little craft, K," Mellie agreed with a smile.

"Yes!" Karen exclaimed. "Thanks, mom. Thanks, dad!"

She took off running again back upstairs with her model.

The instant she did, they both disconnected themselves again and Fitz immediately turned his attention back to his coffee.

He sighed, looking over his shoulder at Mellie, who looked completely annoyed, upset, and a little bit defeated.

And on his end, he could relate too.

And so marked the beginning of another long, uphill battle.

The truth.

* * *

**Well, there you go. That was a lot!**

**Some more steps were made. ****_Big_**** steps!**

**Pretty rough and bumpy, but we'll get there eventually. Thanks for sticking with me, friends. Some are either really liking the direction it's headed, or really not. I cherish all opinions, because nobody thinks the same way and everyone views things differently. I just ask that you please stay respectful in how you share those opinions. **

**Stay safe and read on.**

**~T**


	22. Important Conversations II

"Why did it start?"

Fitz looked at Mellie from his desk chair, confused.

"What?"

"You heard me."

He sighed. "Mellie."

"Answer me," she said.

He shook his head, having a feeling this would not end well for him.

"Because...I liked her. And...I was drawn to her," he answered hesitantly. "And she felt the same."

"_How_ did it start?" Mellie asked next, looking at him angrily.

"Mellie, I really don't think —"

"Fitzgerald, answer the fucking question."

"I just don't think knowing every little detail will help, Mell," he said gently.

"Why do you care if it will help me or not? You told me about your affair already, so I'm not sure why you can't give me a straight answer to these questions. It shouldn't be that hard. You said I deserved to know, right? So these are things I want to know."

He sighed. "I started it."

"And _how_ did you start it?" Mellie asked.

He shook his head. "Mellie."

"I'm not going to stop asking."

He rubbed his forehead and wished desperately that she stopped asking questions. She did have every right to know, and he could answer them. But he knew each answer would only hurt her more, and he didn't want that.

Perhaps it was a good sign she was even talking to him at all, though, because it had taken some time to get to where they were now. Talking almost every night in the basement office. And tonight, talking about more specific things related to him and Olivia.

Since he'd initially told Mellie about him and Olivia, it had taken some time for her anger to diminish enough to actually have conversations with him that were _productive. _The only thing she wanted to do was yell at him and insult him, and he had pretty much let her.

Now at least, they'd graduated to talks daily, and in the basement where Karen couldn't hear if she did wake up. Her coming to the basement to talk _never_ used to happen, so that was probably another positive of it all. They were getting there.

Very slowly.

"I...kissed her," Fitz said quietly.

"Where?"

"In the room she stayed in."

"And then what?"

"And then...I don't know. What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean did it lead _anywhere else?"_ she snapped.

"No, Mell. Nothing else happened for a long time," he answered.

"As in...you stopped? Or what?" Mellie asked.

"We didn't stop, not...at that point. We just...didn't do anything further for a long time. We felt..." he sighed. "We felt really guilty about it. It's the reason we did end things. In November."

"And when did you start again?" she asked quietly.

"December. Over...a month later," he said.

"So why did you go back to her? Why did you two start up again if you really felt so 'guilty'?" Mellie asked.

"Because I'm in love with her, Mell."

She met his eyes with a sharp glare, but then turned immediately away, looking down at the floor from her spot in the big, comfy chair in the corner of his office. The look she wore then, was pain.

But he continued. If she wanted explanations, he'd give them to her.

"We did feel guilty. Still do — every day. And we have to live with that now. But I love her, and the feeling is mutual. We weren't strong enough to stop for good, and for that, I'm sorry, Mell. We are more sorry about that than you know."

"Right, you're so sorry about all of this, yet you don't regret it?" Mellie asked. "Isn't that what you told me?"

"We should have waited to become involved, and we didn't. We should have done things a little differently, and we didn't. But we...can't change that now. So no, I don't regret it. Because I started to care for someone in a way I hadn't experienced before. And it showed me a lot about what we all deserve."

"You think we deserve this?" Mellie asked. "You think Karen and I deserve _this?"_

He sighed, shaking his head. "No. You don't deserve what I did to you. But you know what you do deserve? To _feel _the way I do. And Karen deserves to see it. Not...wonder why her parents fake affection in front of her or...wonder when the next time she's going to hear one of their fights is."

"So was this your plan then? Start screwing the girl who lived in our basement and then when I found out, maybe — just maybe — I'd think 'oh, yeah, that's something I want, too! Let's get divorced!'?" she asked.

He shook his head, putting a palm against his face. "That isn't what happened at all, and you know that. So stop. She is completely unrelated to what needs to happen, Mellie. I only told you about her because it's not _right_ to keep it from you. We didn't want to keep that secret anymore, and you deserved to know."

"She's completely unrelated to this? Seriously? How am I supposed to believe that?" Mellie asked.

"Because! Even if she hated me — even if she didn't want to be with me and I never saw her face again — I would still want to divorce you, Mellie! I would still bring this up every night! Don't you get it? You don't...love me? I don't love you? I am _never_ going to stop pushing for this! We made a mistake ten years ago and it's about fucking time we put an end to it!"

Her face grew cold, and he could see the tears threatening to spill out.

"You really think...she's going to stand by you...the way I did? The way I did for over a decade?" Mellie asked quietly.

"Mellie, that wasn't for me. It was for Karen. And don't talk to me about 'standing by my side' when you treated me like shit for years. And...I let you. I let it happen because I didn't care and didn't want to argue, so I take blame for it, too. But I don't want to hear that bullshit because it's not true," he said. "And it doesn't _matter_ what happens down the road with Olivia and me. It has no relevance in this conversation."

"Like hell it doesn't. I'm supposed to divorce you and let Karen see you with that girl only for it to last...what, a few more months? Then what the hell is Karen going to think?"

_Now, he was angry._

"Mellie, I don't know what the _fuck _you think this is, but I would never have done this if it wasn't real. I wouldn't have done what I did if this wasn't...different. This is different. It's not just some...fucking fling."

"See why I'm skeptical, Fitz? What am I supposed to think? 'It's...different'? What the hell does that even mean?" she asked. "To me, it feels like you're picking her over your family. To me, it feels like you would pick her over your own daughter."

He looked at her sternly, and now completely pissed off. "Karen is the most important thing to me in the world, and you know that. She comes above all else. And you know that, too."

"Do I, Fitz?" Mellie asked. "Because I don't know what 'it's different' means. That isn't a fucking reason to me."

"You don't understand because you've never felt it," he replied. "That's why you don't get it."

"Oh, I'm sorry Fitz, forgive me for never feeling your _fairytale love_—"

"Oh _for the love of God,"_ he interrupted, putting his face in his hands. "Mellie, you make this...so damn difficult sometimes."

"Well, I'm sorry if discussing your affair is difficult for you, Fitz," she shot back, looking at him with intense anger.

He sighed, and nodded. "I shouldn't have said that —"

"How do you fucking think it makes me feel? Huh? Do you think I enjoy this? I didn't ever want to talk about divorce and now we talk about it every night — along with the fact that you're a disgusting, cheating bastard. Do you know how...humiliating this is for me? Do you even know?"

He nodded regretfully. "I know. I'm sorry—"

"No — you _don't_ know. You have no idea, because you never cared enough to think about how this would make me feel."

"That is _not_ true," he corrected.

"Oh really? How can you sit there and say you cared, when you continued to do it anyway?" Mellie asked.

"I did care, and I still do. I _care_ about you. I never wanted to hurt you and I wish so badly that I hadn't. I fucking freaked out over there in that room because I felt so afraid and...so guilty about all of it for Christ's sake," he said, pointing across the basement toward the guest room. The guest room that he and Olivia had ended things in. "It literally made me sick."

"Oh, is this where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you Fitz? Is this is where your anxiety is supposed to make me feel bad for you?" Mellie shot back.

"No! But I don't want you telling me that I didn't care — because that's the opposite of the truth. The _complete_ opposite. All I ever _do_ is care about everyone else."

"Hmm, you have an interesting way of showing it, baby," Mellie said skeptically.

He slammed his fist on the desk and rubbed his forehead. Man, could she get to him.

He knew what he was saying was true. He knew all he did was care for others. He knew all he was used to doing was putting others before himself.

But he also knew the seriousness of his actions. Even if this was one of the only times he was including himself and his own happiness in the thought process, he knew he hadn't done it in a very honorable way.

"Yeah, tell me about it," she said, nodding to the hand he'd just slammed down. "That's how I feel. Except...add humiliated, afraid, uncertain, worried, and about a thousand other things on top of it."

"Yeah, story of my life, Mell," he sighed.

That was an everyday occurrence for him and his anxious ass.

"Aww, baby. Did your wife cheat on you too? Did she betray you and the vows you made ten years ago? Did she break your trust and your heart all at once too?"

"Alright, let's not act like we're something we're not," he said, glaring at her.

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"I said, _let's not act like we're something we're not._ You have every right to be pissed at me and you have every right to feel betrayed. But don't act like we had...the perfect life. Don't act like you love me, and that I broke your heart because I fell in love with someone else. That's not us."

"Oh, look at that, just another man telling a woman how she should feel when he does something wrong," Mellie said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"That's not—" he sighed, wanting to slam his hand down on the dam desk again. But he didn't. "That's not what I'm trying to do, Mellie."

"Oh really? Because I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you were just doing, actually," Mellie nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't..." he began, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to tell you how to feel. You have every right to feel everything that you feel."

"Look, Fitz. You're right. We aren't solid, and haven't been since the first few months we dated. But that doesn't mean this doesn't fucking hurt me. This doesn't mean it has no effect on me. You betrayed me, Fitz."

"I know," he nodded quietly. "I know that, Mell. And I'll never be able to tell you how sorry I am about that."

She shook her head, giving him another one of her pained chuckles as the silence then filled the room.

But not for long, because she spoke up again.

"The first time I saw Olivia over FaceTime...I thought there was no way she was 18. She looked far older. And...she was just..._gorgeous._ And then we saw her for the first time in person, and man, FaceTime did her no justice. She's a stunning girl, no doubt about that. And...I had a brief thought, Fitz. I think all of us women do, when a pretty girl comes into their life. I think we _all _have a moment of...panic. But mine was short; about a second or so. Because I was reminded that...it's you. You would...you would never. I didn't have to worry. I'll admit, Abby always...brought out my jealous side and I don't like her much, you know that. But I don't think I could ever..._actually _see you going there. I mean, I hated that you're such close friends with her, but inside I didn't really think you'd go there. For the most part...I never worried with you. You're so good. So...quiet. Shy. I thought...I thought I didn't have to worry, Fitz. But I was too naive. Because you're just like every other disgusting, slutty man, who can't keep his pants zipped and his hands to himself, and then sits here and tries to apologize for it."

"I'm not...that isn't me. It isn't me and you know it," he said.

"I don't know it. I don't know you anymore, clearly. I didn't even think you...fucking talked to her Fitz. Even if you were in the basement, or...commuting to the city. I mean...I saw you together when we ate dinner, or...sat in the living room. You barely talked to her. And I was too stupid to realize you weren't talking to her on purpose. You...fooled me, Fitz. So don't tell me what kind of man you are or aren't. Because I don't...know anymore."

"You're not stupid, Mellie," he shook his head. "You just...thought I would never do something like this. And I thought the same thing. I...never saw this coming either. But I know I'm the same person. I know that I am. And I still want the same thing. It's the same thing we've both _always _wanted; for Karen to have the best version of life she possibly can. Our ways of getting there are just...different."

"Yeah, we clearly do things a little differently, Fitz. I get upset with you and I say things I shouldn't. I'll admit that. You, on the other hand, just start screwing people and that's your coping mechanism."

He sighed. "Perfect example of you being upset with me and saying something you shouldn't."

"Actually I think that was perfectly reasonable," she nodded.

He rolled his eyes and shrugged it off. "What do you want to do, Mellie? All we do is have conversations that end the same way they always have. With one or both of us even more pissed off than when we started. We never talk about what's next, and I'm genuinely wondering what that might look like in your head. What do you want to do?"

She looked down at the floor, rubbing her temples. She took a big sigh and glanced painfully over at him.

"You want me to be honest, Fitz?"

"I do," he nodded, looking intently at her.

She shook her head, the pain radiating from her.

"I don't know," she whispered. "I don't...know."

And for the first time now, _he_ was the one who had hit a point he had never reached before.

He knew she was pissed at him. But there was still a part of him that couldn't help but fear she'd revert back to what she always reverted back to. That she would say that they needed to make it work regardless. At least a snide comment toward him or a deflection, if nothing else.

But she did none of those things.

"I hate you for what you did. What you're doing. I hate you so much for it and...I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. Because every day I still feel like...I need to show Karen that we're a team. I still want to be...a team. And I don't know how to do that when I fucking hate you with everything in me. I don't want Karen to feel...like things are bad. I don't want her to know that things are this bad between you and me, because...I _know _that feeling. That feeling hurts, as a child. I'm so...afraid of her feeling that. But I can barely fucking look at you, let alone...try to kiss you in front of her. I don't know...how to play both parts right now, no matter how hard I try."

He nodded, actually very appreciative that she'd let that all out. Because now he knew exactly what she was wrestling with internally.

"Then...how about, we start, by not pretending in front of her?" he suggested gently.

"Fitz, when I don't pretend with you, my real thoughts and actions come out. So the last thing I need is to slap you in front of our daughter, which by the way, felt very good. Not pretending isn't an option."

"That's not what I'm saying. We'll have to ease into it more than that, considering when Karen's not around you look at me like you want to run me over with a car," he said. "All I'm saying is let's start by cutting the basic bullshit. Quit with the awkward...fake affection. Lord knows it makes both of us cringe anyway."

She glared at him.

"Do you want to...slap me again? Because now's your chance. K's not looking," he said casually.

She rolled her eyes. "Tempting."

"All I'm trying to do is help, Mell. I just want things to be better. I just want us all to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."

She sighed, looking down at the floor briefly, and then back up at him.

"Sorry if I'm not the happiest right now, Fitz," she said quietly.

"I know, Mell. I know," he nodded. "Is there...is there anything at all, that I can do? Anything?"

She looked back at him, letting out a deep breath.

"Are you...going to stop seeing her?"

He winced and shook his head. "No, Mell. I'm not."

She nodded and sniffed, gathering herself quickly and standing up. "Then there's nothing you can do."

"Mell, just wait a second," he said, standing up from his chair.

"I'm tired, Fitz. I'm going to bed," she said, leaving the room.

"Mell—"

But she was gone.

He let out a deep breath, watching her shut the basement door behind her and head upstairs.

He rubbed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, wondering where this was all going to go.

Truthfully, it hadn't gone much of anywhere like he'd hoped it would. However, it also could have been going worse than it was.

Mellie could have done a lot of things if she was evil enough. She wasn't, and he knew that. But still, he was thankful that she was focusing on the situation and on him, more so than on Olivia, herself.

It just felt like Mellie needed a lot of time. Time to heal. Time to _not hate_ him. Time to know what she wanted to do, because no matter what _he_ wanted to happen, he didn't want to put up a divided front for Karen. That much, he agreed on with Mellie.

He didn't know if now was necessarily the best time to get up and move out, or tell Karen everything. He really wanted them to be able to move forward _together, _and he thought there was a good chance of Mellie feeling the same. The last thing she wanted to do was make Karen feel that they were at each other's throats, like she'd said. She wouldn't want to put up a divided front either.

So right now, he knew they needed some time. Nothing of this nature was ever going to happen overnight, and he and Olivia knew that going into it.

But still, he went to bed tired. Physically tired, and tired in general, from everything going on. What he wanted felt so simple and so harmless; happiness.

But it was a lot more complicated than the surface made it appear.

And it certainly had _not_ been harmless.

* * *

He did the same thing he did almost every day of the week.

He slept in the basement. He got ready for work. And like he did at least twice a week, he went to see Olivia before they both began their day.

They did go to a different Starbucks now. Not that it mattered anyway. Not that someone he knew or she knew wouldn't potentially walk into that one, too. But that had always been a possibility; even from the first time they'd ever gone on a date together in the city.

There were still difficulties. But the fact that Mellie knew now, and couldn't be hurt more by someone other than Fitz telling her, put them both much more at ease. There were still others they needed to tell, too. Other important people; Karen and both of their mothers among some of the most important. But Mellie was for sure step one. She was his wife, and the primary concern for both of them. Particularly Fitz, and that worry was at least gone now.

And after he had coffee with Olivia, he went to work.

But unlike most of his other days, that day, he went to go have lunch with Abby. Something they hadn't done in far too long, especially because he still hadn't seen her in person since he'd told Mellie. There had been plenty of texts and phone calls to keep her and David in the loop, and for some friendly support. Lord knew he needed it these days.

So seeing her in person was nice.

They went to one of Abby's favorite cafes in the upper East side, Candle Cafe, and she was extremely happy to see him the second she saw him holding their table.

She smiled and waved, and he got up immediately to greet her.

"Hey," he said, smiling back.

"Hey there," she greeted, wrapping her arms around him in a hug.

He pecked her cheek and hugged her back. "So good to see you, Abbs."

"So good to see you!" she agreed, looking up at him. "Look at that hair! I swear, it gets longer every time I see you. My God, I would die to have those curls."

"Thank...you?" he chuckled.

"You're welcome! I don't think I've ever seen you let it get this long," she said.

"Yeah," he shrugged, as they sat down.

She smirked. "Olivia likes it like that, doesn't she?"

"Loves it," he nodded. "She asked me if I was going to let it grow once, because she liked it. I've only ever had it trimmed since."

"It suits you, it really does," she nodded. "And let's see, we've also got minimal eye baggage, that's a good sign!"

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Liv's got me on her favorite drug-free melatonin brand. I think it's better than anything I've ever tried before."

"Well that's great! Thank goodness for her! She's got you on track. Was that really all it took? A beautiful woman to get you to start taking your medication?"

"Oh trust me, it's not that easy and I'm not taking those meds right now," he replied. "I'm just waiting for things to settle down a bit more with Mellie before I start taking a new medication. It's a stressful process and I've explained that to her. But...yes. I am going to work on finding something that works for me."

"I think that's great, Fitz. Seriously, so great. I am going to personally thank her next time I see her, for getting your ass in line. No offense, of course."

He chuckled, rolling his eyes. "I'm sure she'd love that."

"So how have you been doing otherwise? How have things been?" Abby asked.

"They've been...I don't know. I don't know if things are going in the right direction or not. With Mellie, it's hard to tell."

"I bet," Abby nodded. "What kind of things have you talked about? Or has she not wanted to talk?"

"Yeah. She's been talking more to me this week, which I'm glad about. But we just talked about...Olivia. And...how things in the future would go. It's unknown, that's the thing. She doesn't know what to do. She hates me, but...doesn't want Karen to know that or make her feel caught in the middle. I know she will never do that. At least intentionally. So...I'm torn between if the fact that we're talking again is a good thing, or if it's bad that we haven't made any more progress than that considering the seriousness of...what I did."

"Well, I would say it's a good thing you're talking again, _especially_ because of what happened. Nothing like this is going to go super fast, unfortunately."

"Yeah," he agreed. "It's tough seeing her like this. I know I have no right to talk because I'm the reason for it. She's so...hurt. And she takes that out in forms of...anger. So basically, it's non-stop insults. Which, I can take and I deserve. But I do want it to be productive at some point. If it's not productive, that's not going to help anybody."

"No, it won't," she nodded in agreement. "But yes, it seems her coping mechanism is definitely to hide behind insults."

"Yeah. And make assumptions. So many assumptions. Like...I don't even think I told you this, but she assumed when I told her there was someone else...that that someone else was you."

Abby's eyes widened and she looked confused.

_"What?"_

"Mhm," Fitz nodded. "I think she was shocked and had no idea who it could be, so she just assumed it was the one woman she knew I was close to."

"Wait a second. She thought you were fucking _me?"_

"Yes!" he exclaimed quietly.

Abby gave him a disgusted look. "Eww!"

"That's what I said!" he nodded. "Okay, well...I mean...I didn't say exactly that. But I reflected that that's how I felt about...that particular situation."

"Ew, ew, ew. And I mean that with the utmost respect, Fitz. I'm sure you've got it going on in the bedroom and everything, but ew. She needs to get over a stupid ass kiss that happened _11 years ago._ I have never known anyone so jealous in my life."

He was chuckling and blushing at her statement, but nodding in agreement. "Yes, I meant...um. I meant no offense either, I'm sure...you are...um. Okay, we're just not going to..."

"Yes, please don't finish the sentence you sweet, shy man. But you are correct, I'm an amazing lay and I take no offense at all," she nodded.

He chuckled and nodded thankfully.

"That's just not right. I'm sorry she forced you to explain to her that you're not all the sudden fucking your married best friend of over a decade. Who...does happen to be extremely sexy so...I guess I can't say I blame her for the assumption I suppose," she said with a shrug. Fitz couldn't stop laughing.

"It's okay," he laughed. "I got it all sorted out and obviously...she's well aware now who it actually is. Which...probably pissed her off more than if it was you. Understandably."

"Yeah..." Abby winced. "That's understandable. You have to admit, she has every right to feel humiliated and pissed off."

"Oh, I know," he agreed. "She does. I'm an asshole."

Abby shook her head. "You're the opposite of an asshole, Fitz."

He shrugged. "I don't know. But what's done is done."

"Yes. And what happens going forward...you know I'm always here to help with that. Like we talked about last week."

"About helping with the process and filing the papers?" he asked.

She nodded, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Thank you," he whispered. "Thank you. I'm not...nearly there yet. But thank you for your offer."

"I know you're not there yet. But you'll get there. I know it. And when you do, I'll be here to help. I am always here to help you if you need it," she assured him, putting her hand on his arm. "Contrary to what your wife thinks, though, I will not fuck you. Literally ever."

"Please, God, no," he agreed, shaking his head with a laugh.

"Alright, enough about that, when's the next time you get to see her?"

"Today," Fitz answered. "I saw her this morning for a bit. And...I'll see her soon, after she gets off and I've finished up."

"Oh good, good. Does Mellie know?"

"I don't explicitly tell her, but I think she knows, yeah. She knows I make time to see her, which pisses her off. She just doesn't know exactly when I do it. But...I don't really care. Part of the reason we decided to tell Mellie was to relieve some stress and lift the weight off our shoulders about seeing each other, and it really has. So...we go more places now. I've taken her out on more dates. And when Olivia's roommate has plans, she tells me, and that's when I go and see her at her place, usually. Those are...our only options right now. That and...brief morning coffee dates. It's not enough. It never has been. We hate that part of it, but...hopefully as time passes, that will change."

"God, I hate it even listening to it. I mean...would it matter if Olivia's roommate found out at this point? Considering Mellie knows?"

"No, I don't think it would be a big deal. It's just...we're in an awkward spot right now. Nobody else knows, and we still aren't in a good position with Mellie. So...we're not really sure what it is we'd have to tell. It's just complicated. It's still...what it always has been. It's still not enough."

Abby nodded understandingly. "But you've felt less stressed, generally, since you told Mellie, though?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "For sure. We feel a different kind of stress now. But...it's much better than everything we felt before. There's definitely a weight gone, even with some additional pain it's brought."

"I knew...a long time ago that this was going to happen — you telling Mellie. It was bound to. You and Olivia were always a giant bundle of guilt about this, and continuing to hide would not only be the shitty thing to do, but...would have weighed on you both and likely led to more issues down the road," Abby said.

"Yeah," he agreed. "I think that amount of guilt has lessened since this fall. I think...there are more things we know now. And things we've done since, that have helped lessen that. But I'm sure we will always feel it. Hard to forget how our relationship came to be. I don't think...it's possible to forget that."

"No. But, you also can't forget what it has done for you, either. What it's made you feel. And how it will change your life. _All_ of your lives — for the better."

"Yeah," he smiled. "She's already changed mine for the better."

* * *

"How you been doin' about it girl?" Shawn asked.

"I've been alright," Olivia nodded, smiling at her friend on FaceTime.

Her smile was not entirely forced, it was always nice to talk to her best friend back home. But she still wasn't feeling all that chipper about the subject they were currently talking about.

Where things were at with Mellie.

Clearly Shawn knew her well enough to know that.

"Liv. You ain't gotta put on show for me. If you ain't doing well, you just come out and tell me. You know all I wanna do is support you and help."

Now she really did flash her a genuine, small smile.

"Thanks, Shawn. It's not that I'm not doing well with it. It's just...tiring. And I wish things were different, but they're not."

"I get you," Shawn nodded. "I'm so sorry Liv."

"It's okay. We knew this would take time, so...this certainly isn't a surprise. And we don't deserve for this to go fast anyway. But it's still hard."

"I know. I know it is. God, I get that Mellie's upset. And I think she's got a reason. But you know what else I think? I think she knows what's up. She knows what needs to happen, but she's _afraid_ to let it happen now. Because she doesn't know how things gonna go, so she's just stayin' scared and staying' 'safe.' That's what I think."

"Maybe," Olivia nodded. "It's hard to tell. She's stubborn, so I don't see her admitting that even if it is the case. I do think we will get to where we need to be. It's just a question of when."

"Can mister shy man just take matters into his own hands if she don't listen eventually? I mean, I get y'all need to give her some more time, it hasn't been that long. But...y'all can't wait forever either."

"Mhm," Olivia nodded. "He knows that. For now, he wants to keep a united front for Karen, which I understand. And he's banking on the fact that Mellie wants that too, rather than have him just up and leave while she's completely pissed off at him. When it happens, she's going to want it to go smoothly. I feel like...she _has_ to want that. Because she was scarred from her own parents' divorce which went the _opposite_ of smoothly. So now...we're just kind of waiting in hopes that...we get there. And hopefully...sooner rather than later."

"Yeah. Well I bet she's feeling conflicted then. It sounds like she hates his guts but don't want Karen to know. And if she's stubborn? God damn that makes it worse."

"I know. She's extremely conflicted. She even...admitted it last night to Fitz; he told me this morning," she said. "Which...I suppose is a good step. At least she's admitting that part. But...she does hate him, and that makes me feel bad. She just attacks him every chance she gets when they're alone. And I just found out recently that she actually...physically hit him when he first told her. I don't think he wanted me to know, but he let it slip accidentally when he was talking about that night."

Shawn gasped. "Shit? For real?"

"Mhm," Olivia nodded quietly.

"The Lion, the Witch, and the audacity of this bitch!" Shawn said distastefully. "I don't appreciate that, no I do not. There are other ways to express your anger than puttin' your hands on someone. I don't care who does it, I don't agree with that shit."

"I'm with you. Trust me, I was...so mad," Olivia agreed. "But what's done is done I guess. He didn't seem phased by it."

"Well, she better not do that shit again. I don't like it. Nope. She can be pissed at him, but that don't need to be happening."

"You wanna call up Mellie and tell her that?" Olivia asked with a laugh.

"Hell yeah! You think I'm afraid of a stubborn white mom? Hell no. Let me tell her how things are since she _still_ don't get it."

Olivia laughed, but her smile quickly faded. "Yeah, I don't agree with all of Mellie's decisions and never have. But...I will never not feel bad about this. She didn't deserve it."

"I get you," Shawn nodded. "That's fair. And you're a good person, Liv, so I know you're struggling with this. I just also know at some point, just like you know it, that things will get better. They will."

"Thanks, Shawn," Olivia smiled. "Thank you for always supporting me. Even when I run off to New York and start making a damn mess of things."

Shawn started laughing.

"I will always support you. And I know you'd do the same for me. Because let's be real, I've been makin' a mess of things since I came out the womb, and all you've done since we were five, is support me."

Now Olivia laughed, too. "Ever since we decided we shouldn't be enemies anymore on the playground."

"Mhm. The best day of my damn life!" Shawn nodded. "I'm forever glad I told you your braids were on point that day."

"Me too," Olivia laughed. "Although I'm pretty sure if I remember correctly, you said 'Olivia, maybe we should just be friends, 'cause your braids is pretty nice.'"

"Listen, a girl had to get her point across," Shawn laughed. "I think it worked!"

"It definitely did," Olivia smiled.

"I'm glad. Now look — I do gotta go to my godforsaken tutoring session. You know me and pre-calc. We don't fuckin' mix."

"I do know of your quarrel with pre-calc," Olivia nodded with a laugh. "I'll let you go! Fitz will be over soon anyway."

"Ohhhh good, good. Whatchu two gonna be doin'?" Shawn asked, raising her eyebrows with a smirk.

"Oh, you know. Holding hands...talking about our days...telling each other how much we love each other."

Shawn frowned and raised her eyebrow at her friend.

Olivia burst into laughter.

"I'm kidding. I mean...I'm not. Actually, that was probably really accurate, that sounds like us. But I'm sure...other things will occur."

"Yasssss," Shawn said, snapping and doing a little dance in the driver's seat of her car. "Get that dick! Jealous! Meanwhile, I have to go outside again in this ridiculous snowy weather and then study...math. The fuck?"

Olivia winced. "Sending you luck! Although I do apologize about the weather. Fuck Dakota."

"Fuck Dakota," Shawn agreed. "Seriously? I really have to live in the damn arctic? North fucking Dakota? Jesus help me. I was not meant to live here. Send me to Florida instead."

"That sounds wonderful," Olivia said. "I could use some palm trees and sun right now."

"Me too," Shawn sighed. "Okay. I'm pulling a Midwest goodbye on you, I'm sorry. I'll let you go now."

"Ah yes, the famous long Midwest goodbye," Olivia laughed. "Good luck!"

"Thanks, girl. Talk to you later, love you."

"Love you too!" Olivia replied.

She hung up, and then did some homework until Fitz came over.

It was snowing outside, so he came in with little snowflakes in his curly hair, that quickly melted when they met the heat of her warm suite.

What was left was cute, damp curls that she ran her fingers through during their hug — turned kiss.

"Mm. Long time no see," he murmured, removing his dress coat.

"Too long since you've been here," she murmured back, capturing his lips in another kiss.

He chuckled, trying to remove his outerwear while his girlfriend gave him some much-needed affection.

"Can I take off my shoes?" he whispered, smiling at her.

"I suppose," she laughed, giving him just a tiny bit of space to remove his dress shoes.

Thankfully he did it fast.

He set them on the rug in the corner out of the way, and tossed his briefcase on one of the chairs in the sitting area with his coat.

"Okay. Continue," he said, gesturing to her to come closer.

She laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck and feeling his hands slide down to her ass.

He picked her up immediately, smiling at her and pecking her lips.

She wrapped her legs around him too, smiling brightly back at him before kissing his nose.

"Hi," he said.

"Hi."

"How are you?" he asked.

"You know my answer."

"Better now?" he smiled.

"So much better now," she whispered, leaning her head against his chest. "Always so much better when you get here. Just...so much better with you."

He smiled, hugging her tightly against his body. She looked so comfortable. So happy and content, to be in his arms right now. Her eyes were closed and she wore a slight smile on her face.

He was still getting used to seeing someone love him like this so much. Hearing, seeing it, and feeling it were all different in their own way, but seeing was...man, it was beautiful.

"Could you use a long hug today?"

"Yes. Its one of those days," she nodded.

He chuckled, kissing her cheek and walking her over to her bedroom.

After shutting the door behind him, he turned around and sat down on her bed, pulling her body into his even more.

He rubbed her back. "How was your day, baby?"

"It was good," she nodded. "How about yours?"

"It was alright," he nodded. "Glad to be here with you now. Been waiting all damn day."

"Me too," she laughed, sneaking a peek up at him. "Oh! How was lunch with Abby?"

"It was good," he nodded. "Always good to catch up with her. You were our topic of conversation for the most part."

"I was?" she laughed.

"Mhm."

"You were the topic of conversation for the most part earlier too, when I was talking with Shawn," Olivia giggled.

"Really?" he chuckled. "How's Shawn doing?"

"She's alright. Always her peppy self. But...stressed about school. And work. And...life."

Fitz sighed. "I can relate."

"Yeah. Me too," Olivia agreed.

He looked at her solemnly and shook his head.

"I'm so sorry, baby."

"Don't be sorry," she whispered.

"I am though," he replied. "I'm part of the reason you're stressed."

"Baby, you are the reason I'm _happy," _she said. "Not the reason I'm stressed."

"Well...things revolving around me then," he said, studying her eyes.

She shook her head. "I know you're doing everything you can. It's frustrating. But we both knew it wasn't going to happen quickly. Not to mention I want it to be amicable just as much as you do. It's a bit of a stressful...time. But I'm also not doing any of the work here."

"Well, you shouldn't _have_ to do anything. And either way, I know you bear this all every day. Mentally and emotionally."

She cupped his face. "I can take it. I promise."

"I wish you didn't have to," he whispered. "What else can I do? How can I help? There has to be something I can...I can do."

"You can be _you," _she shrugged, kissing his nose. "That always works. 'Cause I love you. A lot."

His face softened and he studied her eyes. "I love you...so much, Olivia."

She smiled and leaned in to peck his lips. But one peck wasn't enough. So as her lips lingered on his, she opened her mouth. And he opened his in return.

His grip around her tightened, and he moved his hands instantly to her ass. His hands rested there comfortably, as their kisses had now progressed into a slow makeout.

She ran one of her hands down his chest, and then back up toward his collar. She couldn't help but start loosening his tie.

"Stand up," she whispered against his lips.

He pulled away and held her tightly to his body, standing up with her in his arms.

When he set her down, she pulled on his tie, bringing him toward the wall as he took off his suit jacket.

She lifted the tie over his head, and both of their hands instantly went to his dress shirt buttons.

Their lips never stopped, and their hands became desperate.

By the time they were in just their underwear, her hands went to the front clasp on her bra.

She unclasped it and shrugged it off, watching his eyes flicker toward her bare breasts.

He swallowed hard, letting out a staggered breath. His eyes then followed her hands to her underwear, watching her remove those as well.

His fingers went to his briefs, intending to push them down because he was throbbing and needed them off _now._

But she stopped him, before she kneeled down in front of him and took over.

She watched in pleasure as she pulled down his briefs, and he bobbed free of them right in front of her face.

Her eyes just about lit up as she grabbed his length with her hand and started to stroke the base of his shaft. Meanwhile, she took his tip in her mouth.

He sucked in a sharp breath, looking up at the ceiling and leaning his head back.

And then she started going deeper, and he just about lost it.

He focused his attention back on her, bringing his hand down to her face.

He held her head, watching her as she knelt down against the wall, going to absolute town on him.

"I want...to have...time...to make you...come...too," he panted, as she picked up her pace.

"Shhh," she said, before continuing.

"Oh...God," he groaned, starting to guide her head now too.

It felt so good. She was using her hands too, and doing things with her tongue that he couldn't even see, or describe.

It was almost hypnotic to watch. Her eyes were closed, and she was moving her head like her life depended on it.

Not to mention, she was naked, and her breasts were right there, so perfect and visible to him. So much to look at and not nearly enough time.

Because he was already well on his way to reaching his edge.

He let out a moan, reaching one of his hands out to brace himself against the wall.

His panting grew quicker and louder, and she reveled in the sound.

All she heard, when he finished, was the sounds of his moans, and the desperate murmurs of her name coming from his mouth.

She swallowed multiple times as fast as she could, feeling his cum on her hand, too.

"Oh," he moaned, panting and standing there above her.

She slowly stood up, wiping the corners of her mouth swiftly and smiling at his exhausted, satisfied face.

"I'll be back, okay?" she asked, planting a kiss on his lips.

He kissed her back tiredly, giving her a nod.

She stepped around her clothes she'd carelessly tossed on the floor, exiting her room.

He turned around and leaned against the wall, catching his breath and coming down from his high. He needed to pull himself together, because they were not done here.

She came back and immediately grabbed something else from her nightstand, before handing him the washcloth and leaning in for a kiss.

He gratefully accepted both her kisses and the opportunity to clean up. He was still panting as she dragged her lips down to his neck.

He could only take that so long.

He dropped the washcloth and held her tight to his body, flipping them around.

"Oof," she murmured, locking lips with him as he pressed her to the wall.

She was able to squeeze her hands between their bodies as she held the condom she'd grabbed up for him. He felt the square package in her hand and took it, opening it quickly without so much as opening his eyes.

She started to stroke him too. And that, along with her now bare body against him while they made out, was already making him grow hard again. So, he reached down as she plunged her tongue into his mouth, and rolled the condom on.

She was thoroughly impressed at his quick bounce back, and made it known with her passionate kisses.

His hands slid up to her hips, and he hefted her up against the wall.

She hadn't been expecting it, but she instantly widened her legs for him, and held onto him as tightly as she could with her arms around his neck. She pulled away from his lips, looking down at their current position.

He put his palms flat against the wall, and she draped her calves over his forearms. He let out a deep breath, looked down at her legs open wide for him.

He guided his stiff length toward her, and slowly started to push in.

She gasped, digging her nails into the skin on his neck and leaning her head back against the wall.

He saw that wonderful effect it had on her, and he thrust all the way up.

His face showed the pleasure he felt as he pulled out slowly, and thrust back upward.

"Oh...Fitz," she moaned, as he started to develop a steady pace.

The position required quite a bit of adjusting on both their parts, but it felt good, that was for sure.

Olivia felt like she now had no control; her legs were spread and draped over his forearms, and he was the one pumping in and out of her faster and faster now. But she wasn't complaining. After all, she'd just had complete control earlier.

Her back felt every single thrust, despite the fact that he wasn't being rough with her. He was going fast, but he was being gentle about it, given her position.

Gentle. But commanding.

"Hold on...tighter," he said, pulling his left palm away from the wall. She braced herself, not having his arm to rest her leg on, and wrapped it around him instead. Talk about a core workout.

His hand went right to her clit, and started to rub it as he continued his thrusts.

She let out a loud moan of pleasure as the feeling grew inside her. And she could tell by the look on his face, that he was getting there once again.

"Keep...going," she pleaded, locking eyes with him

The corners of his mouth turned up in the cutest smirk, and he leaned forward to capture her lips in a soft kiss.

It was desperate near the end. Desperate kisses, desperate to hold on tight enough, and to feel the release of the wonderful tension building up.

He came again just after she did, hearing her pleads and moans and fast breaths. Feeling her nails on his skin, and her muscles clench around him.

He slowly let her down to her feet and pulled out, feeling so exhausted he didn't even want to move. Luckily for him, Olivia had him covered.

She grabbed the cloth and cleaned them up, and he disposed of his condom in the trash that was conveniently next to her dresser.

"Here," he murmured, grabbing her hand. He took a few steps toward her bed and collapsed, and she gratefully collapsed on top of him.

Pure exhaustion.

"That was...a workout," she panted.

"Uh-huh," he panted back, wrapping an arm around her.

"The wall huh?" she asked, looking up at him with a smirk.

He tried not to start laughing at the sight of her cute little smirk, but he couldn't help himself.

"Mhm. The wall," he chuckled.

"That wall sure has...seen some things," she panted.

He raised his eyebrows, remembering the first time he'd ever been here and what had occurred.

"Wow. It really has, hasn't it?"

"Yeah. I guess...mostly just my ass pressed against it."

He laughed again. "Lucky wall."

She smiled and giggled at him. But her smiled faded.

Do you...have to go?" she asked hesitantly, tracing a finger along his chest.

He let out a deep sigh. "Soon. I'm sorry, Livvie. It really wasn't my intention to come here, have sex with you and then leave."

"I know that, Fitz," she giggled. "I'm the one who seduced you, so."

He nodded, thinking back. "You know, you really did."

"How'd I do?" she asked.

"Exquisite," he murmured, lifting his head up to kiss her.

She leaned down and pecked his lips, and he laid back down contently.

"Plus. If I remember correctly, you're trying to make this a much more...common occurrence. And you will not hear any complaints about that from me."

She smiled. "I didn't think I would."

"Just...lay here with me for a minute," he whispered, holding up his free hand to her.

She nodded tiredly against his chest, putting her hand up to his. Their fingers clasped together perfectly. She studied their fingers, watching his thumb rub the top of her hand gently.

And a thought came to her. She started to laugh quietly.

"What?" he smiled.

"When I was talking to Shawn earlier, she asked if we had any plans today and I jokingly told her that we would probably hold hands, talk about our days, and talk about how much we love each other. She kind of gave me a face, like, 'seriously?' so then...I told her perhaps...other things...would occur as well. And now...we've checked every single one of those things off."

He thought back at their order of events and started to laugh. "Wow. You were spot on. Like...exactly spot on," he said, looking at their fingers currently intertwined.

"I know!"

"Did she like your second response better?" he chuckled.

"Yeah. I think her exact words were 'get that dick'" Olivia confirmed.

His face started to flush and he laughed embarrassedly. But he nodded. "Well uh...I think it's safe to say you got it."

"I think so," she laughed.

"And hey — that was all...a good combination of things," he shrugged.

"It was!" she agreed.

"And now I don't want to leave," he admitted.

"Mmm," she smiled, snuggling up to him. "Then don't," she said, kissing his chest.

He chuckled, sitting up slowly with her in his arms.

"If only it were that easy," he said, kissing her cheek.

"If only," she nodded, getting off of him. She squeezed his hand briefly.

"I'll be right back — I have to pee," she said.

"Okay, you do that, Livvie," he laughed. He smiled at her as she quickly tiptoed out of the room. All while still completely naked of course.

He looked around for his briefs — which were thrown carelessly on the ground like all of Olivia's clothes. Thankfully, his suit was somewhat draped on her corner bean bag. As neatly as one could do that right before having sex.

He started putting on his briefs as she came back, and she gave him a sad face at the sight of him dressing.

"So...guess you're not _really _staying then, huh?" she teased, going to grab a clean pair of underwear in her dresser.

"Hmm," he thought. "You know what, you're right. Maybe I'll just crash here for a week or so. Think we could pull it off without Greta knowing I'm here?"

"Ohhhh," she giggled, clasping her bra. "Not a chance, not for a week. We're too loud for that."

He smirked, pulling her into his body.

"What's a matter? You don't think...I could keep you quiet?"

She gasped, looking at him with a smile. "Do not tease me, smiley. You know I'm not afraid to tease you back," she warned, reaching her hand down to touch him through his underwear.

"Mmmm," he murmured, kissing her neck.

They were a half-naked, teasing, laughing mess.

And perhaps all that teasing wasn't such a good idea at the moment.

Because before either had a chance to process the sound they heard, Greta was walking in the door.

Olivia had just gone to the bathroom so she'd opened her bedroom door, and Fitz was about to leave anyway, so she hadn't shut it again.

So there it was. Wide open, displaying the two of them standing in the middle of the room near the door.

There was really no hiding any of it. Clearly, their clothes had been off, as articles of clothing were scattered across the bedroom still. He was in just his underwear and she was in underwear and a bra.

And clearly Greta had walked in on more than just them and their absence of clothing, because they were laughing and both of their hands were in places they wouldn't necessarily want someone else to see them.

It was a mess.

Olivia and Fitz's eyes went wide, and their faces grew warm with embarrassment.

Greta's eyes also went wide. But her face quickly changed into a face of pure excitement. It was like she had completely disregarded the fact that they were _barely_ clothed, or what she had possibly just walked in on. She pointed at Fitz and gasped.

"Oh my God. Boyfriend! You must be boyfriend!" she said happily.

Olivia put her hand up to her mouth, looking up at Fitz.

He was looking back and forth between the two women, unsure of what to say but knowing he had to say something before it got too awkward.

He cleared his throat and nodded. "Um...yeah, hey! You...must be Greta?"

"That's me!" she nodded. "It's nice to...meet you!"

"Nice to meet you too," Fitz said, giving her an awkward wave. "I would...I would shake your hand but I don't want to, um...weird you out considering I'm...not really clothed."

"Sorry," Olivia mouth, wincing at her apologetically.

Greta was laughing hard at both of them. "No worries you guys, you're totally fine."

"We're just gonna..." he said, pointing back to her bedroom.

"Clothes," Olivia nodded to Greta.

"Yep, go ahead," Greta laughed.

Fitz nodded gratefully and closed the door, looking at Olivia with wide eyes.

She reflected his wide eyes right back at him.

"Whoops," he said

"She is _not_ supposed to be home yet," Olivia whispered.

"Well, I don't think she got that memo," he chuckled quietly.

Olivia sighed, shaking her head. "I'm so sorry. That was so embarrassing."

"Yes," he nodded. "It was. But I find most things to be embarrassing so I have to admit, this isn't new to me."

"I'm _so _sorry," Olivia said again. "That was _completely_ my fault."

"Livvie, it's okay," he replied. "You didn't think she was going to be here, and...it's not the end of the world, anyway. She doesn't even know who I am, and even if she did...that's not our main concern anymore."

"Mhm," Olivia agreed. "It's just a lot to explain to someone and...it's not the most fun thing to tell someone. You're...well aware of that."

"Yeah," he nodded in agreement. "But you don't have to explain anything yet. Not if you're not ready to."

Olivia nodded and sighed, looking around at her messy room.

"Well...what we do have to do is get dressed."

"Yeah. Probably a good call," he chuckled.

She put on some warm, cozy lounge clothes and put her day's clothes in her laundry bin.

He, on the other hand, didn't have the same option, so he got dressed back up in his suit. Probably something that would be another shock to Greta if Olivia had to guess.

When they were both dressed again, he reached for her hand to pull her close to him and she wrapped her arms around him, looking up at his slightly tousled hair.

"Wait one second," she said, reaching up to fix his long curls.

"Thank you," he said, trying to smooth them out as well.

"There," she nodded, eyeing his hair, satisfied. "Wish you didn't have to go, boyfriend."

He smiled. "Me neither. But we'll see each other soon. Promise. How about next week I take you to one of the restaurants on our list?"

Olivia grew excited. "Another date?"

"Mhm," he nodded.

She smiled happily. "Sounds like a plan to me."

"Good. You pick okay?"

"Okay," she nodded. "Give Karen a hug for me."

"Always," he said, holding her tightly. "I'll keep you in the loop, okay?"

She nodded, squeezing him tightly back.

"I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you too."

He kissed the side of her head as they lingered there in an extended hug, before finally pulling away.

They opened her bedroom door again and found that Greta was no longer in the entryway.

Fitz went to use the bathroom quickly, and Olivia waited, peeking into Greta's bedroom from the hall.

As Fitz finished up, Greta came back from her bedroom with her laptop and notebook in hand. Perfect timing for a more _traditional _meeting between the two.

"Aww, I hope I didn't scare you away!" Greta exclaimed, looking at Fitz.

"Oh not at all — I hope I didn't scare _you_ away," he chuckled.

"It'll take a lot more than that to scare me away, boyfriend," she said, giving him a smile.

"I'm glad to hear it. Unfortunately, I do have to get going, but I hope to get to know you more...properly...next time," he said, reaching his hand out to her. Now that he was fully clothed.

"Sounds like a plan!" she nodded, shaking his hand.

"Um...Fitz, by the way," he said.

Greta gasped, looking at Olivia.

"Glory hallelujah, he _does_ have a name."

"He does," Olivia laughed.

"I'll leave you to it then," Fitz said, looking at the two of them. "Great to...meet you again, Greta."

"Yeah, you as well!" Greta said.

Olivia followed him to the door, and he reached his hand out to her to hold.

"Let me know when you get home, okay?" she asked quietly.

"I will. You have a good night, and I'll talk to you later, okay?" he said.

"Mkay," Olivia smiled.

He leaned in and pecked her lips. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too," she said, letting go of his hand.

After a brief wave, he was walking down the back stairwell toward the back exit.

Olivia closed the door and turned around, wondering what kind of reaction she was about to get from her roommate.

Greta's mouth was open in shock and she was giving her suggestive eyes.

_"Girl."_

Olivia winced. "Okay, I know, I'm sorry I didn't—"

"Sorry for what?! That you're really private about your super hot boyfriend that looks like he just walked straight out of a Calvin Klein ad?" Greta asked.

Olivia felt herself blushing as she laughed.

"We did not intend for you to...meet like that," Olivia said, shaking her head.

"Well I'll take the blame for that one — I know my tutoring session is supposed to go until 5, but I got done really early 'cause this dude canceled on me last minute. But I _definitely_ didn't mean to interrupt anything, I'm sorry about that!" she said apologetically.

"No, no, you didn't. You could never, you _live_ here! He was about to leave anyway. We were just..."

Greta smirked.

"Uh...saying...goodbye," Olivia laughed.

_"Mmm_hm," Greta said, watching Olivia's smile grow bigger. "Looked to me like if I hadn't walked in that was going to be one long-ass goodbye. One that maybe didn't involve the little clothing you were wearing."

Olivia put her palm to her face, shaking her head embarrassedly.

"Ughhh. That was...really embarrassing. The absolute worst."

"Neither of you have anything to be embarrassed about...trust me," Greta said.

"Well...thank you," Olivia laughed.

"Mmhm," Greta nodded. "I'm really glad I got to meet him. Even if it was a little awkward, which I apologize about, but...he seems _so_ sweet."

"He is," Olivia said, smiling. "The sweetest. And...pretty shy."

"Yeah, I kinda got that vibe too," Greta admitted. "You two are super cute together. I don't think I've ever seen the human definition of heart eyes until I walked in on you guys."

Olivia started to laugh. "Well, I certainly feel that way. Fitz is...well. We've got some things to work through, G. There's a reason I'm private about him — it's not all heart eyes and rainbows with us. That's for sure. But...he's my one. He's it. I don't know how I know, I just know."

Greta put her hand up to her mouth. "I'm gonna cry. You know me and crying — it's easy for me."

"I do, I'm sorry," Olivia laughed.

"That's awesome. And look, O, everyone's got things to work through. Nobody's relationship is ever always easy or smooth sailing. So I completely understand. Whenever you're ready to tell me more about him — I'm here! Lord knows I've bombarded you with all my Mikko details, so...it's only fair."

"Thanks, G," Olivia said gratefully. "And I _love_ hearing about Mikko!"

"I'm glad, I would love to hear about Fitz, too! I look forward to the story of how you first met," Greta admitted. "And...why he looked like he worked in the damn U.S. Capitol or something. That _suit_ though."

"Yes, he does have an affinity for suits. _Really_...nice suits," she nodded, thinking about how good he looked in them.

"You can say that again," Greta agreed. "Very...distinguished. And...important looking."

"He would be honored you think so," Olivia said, smiling.

Greta let out a happy sigh, looking down at the homework she had in her hands. "Well this all seems so boring now after that exciting event."

Olivia laughed. "Want some company? I've got tons of shit to do too and we could make it _not _boring."

"Yes, please!" Greta nodded.

"Alright, I'll be back in a second," Olivia said, going to grab her backpack.

Her night descended into a very calm, relaxing evening full of productivity, and dinner with friends.

Fitz, on the other hand, wasn't quite sure how his evening would go after the conversation he had with Mellie the prior night.

When he got home, he was the first one there, as Karen had GT club after school and Mellie's shift coincided perfectly with it, so she was going to pick her up on her way home.

He barely made it home first though, as he took a quick shower and changed, and found that they had come home while he was upstairs.

When he went downstairs, he was met with Mellie and Karen chatting at the kitchen island. Mellie was signing Karen's reading log, and Karen was discussing something she'd learned in her GT meeting.

Mellie had a smile on her face, nodding along with Karen.

The second Hank came to greet him at the bottom of the steps, Karen ad Mellie turned to look at him and he gave Karen a big smile.

She gasped. "Hey, daddy!"

"Hey sweet girl!" he said, coming to give her a hug. He had to keep his promise and give her a big hug from Olivia too, even though Karen didn't exactly _know_ that.

She wrapped her little arms around him happily from her spot on the kitchen stool, and he leaned down to kiss the top of her head.

He looked up at Mellie and nodded.

"Hey," he greeted.

"Hey," she greeted back.

He prepared himself and waited for the awkward lean in for a kiss and hug. The usual.

But in those briefs seconds he was waiting for it, he began to realize it wasn't happening.

_Seriously? Did Mellie actually listen to a suggestion he made?_

There was no cringy, awkward fake affection for Karen's sake. There was usually at _least_ a hug. But not this time.

They locked eyes and he tried to read her. She looked at him with a fake smile —that much was still there. Otherwise, she just wore a straight face and nothing more.

Regardless, the whole interaction was a lot less fake than normal. And that was something.

He looked back down at Karen with a smile, leaning against the counter.

"How was school today?" he asked.

"It was good," she said. "I learned about platypuses today."

"Platypuses?!" he asked, rubbing her back.

"Mhm. They are mammals, but they lay eggs," Karen began.

"Mhm," he nodded.

"Look at you, miss smarty pants," Mellie teased.

"Well, I knew that part, mom," Karen said importantly. "But _guess what."_

"What?" Fitz and Mellie asked simultaneously.

"They aren't even the only ones. Echidnas are mammals that lay eggs too!" Karen exclaimed. "I was shocked."

Fitz started to chuckle and so did Mellie.

"That _is_ quite shocking!" Fitz agreed. "Well, thanks, sweetheart, I learned something new today."

"Me too," Mellie agreed.

"I know," Karen nodded importantly. "Anyway. Platypuses live about 17 years, so they would be great pets. Only...they're semi-aquatic so I don't think they would like New York too much."

"That's unfortunate," Mellie agreed. "It's a good thing...you've got the best pet in the entire world down there!"

Karen smiled, turning to look at Hank.

"My Hank!" she exclaimed happily. "He is the best. He is so cute."

"He _is_ the best," Fitz agreed. "Speaking of, I bet mister Hank is hungry."

Karen nodded. "Me too. Could you make me a snack, dad?"

"Well, do you think you can wait just a bit, honey? I'm sure we'll start dinner soon and I don't want you to wreck your appetite," he replied.

"I know, but I'm just _so_ hungry," Karen said. "Not something big. Just little?"

"I think someone is hitting another growth spurt," Mellie said, smiling at Karen.

Karen giggled back.

"Alright, you growing girl. What would you like?" he asked.

"Hmm..." she thought. "Could you make some celery with peanut butter?"

"You want me to _make_ you some celery and peanut butter, huh?" he chuckled.

She nodded happily.

"That sounds like an excellent choice, K," Mellie said.

"Yes, it does," Fitz nodded. "Why don't you feed your pup while I cut up your celery.

"Okay!" Karen nodded, going to grab Hank's bowl.

His eyes flickered back to Mellie now that Karen was temporarily distracted, and she looked at him with a small sigh.

He could tell she was studying him, probably wondering if today was one of those days he'd seen Olivia. She had no real way of knowing, but he assumed she always thought about it now.

She cleared her throat. "I'll...I'll go grab the peanut butter!"

He nodded. "Thanks, Mell."

"Thanks, mom!" Karen echoed, filling up Hank's water dish.

Mellie still looked at him with anger behind her fake smile. And he knew that anger would take time to fade.

But tonight, was already a step in the right direction. Small, maybe, but still a step. A step toward real — not pretend.

And he'd take that.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed everyone. Thank you for reading.**

**I know this is taking time. But all good outcomes do. And they'll get there!**

**Stay safe everyone.**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	23. Wishes

"Watch the decrescendo," Fitz said gently, following along with his eyes as Karen played one of her assigned piano songs.

She continued to play quieter, following the decrescendo as her dad and the sheet music so kindly reminded her.

She was still on her first couple play-throughs — getting the hang of this particular song.

But she played it all the way through, ending strongly.

"There you go. Nice!" Fitz said, holding his palm out for her.

She smiled and high-fived him. "Thanks for helping me, dad."

"Mhm. You'll get the hang of this one in no time. Just like you always do," he said proudly.

"Well...I think I would have forgotten to decrescendo if you hadn't reminded me," she admitted.

"It was only the third time you played it, that's okay. You can't be perfect at it right away. That's what learning is for."

"Yeah. I think this song is the hardest one I've ever played. There are so many sharps and flats," she noted, studying the sheet music.

"Mhm," he nodded. "You are becoming _such_ a good player, K. And, as you continue to learn, your music will become harder. There will be more things to pay attention to."

"I bet I'm not as good as you were when you were my age," she said, smiling at him.

He chuckled. "You're right, you aren't as good...you're _better."_

Karen gasped. "No way."

"Way," he nodded. "So much better. You are a natural, sweetheart."

"I don't believe you! You are so good, dad," she said.

"Well I'm old now, I've got lots of practice under my belt," he shrugged.

"You are not old," she giggled. "You look a lot younger than all my friends' daddies."

He chuckled. "That's because I _am_ a lot younger than all of your friends' daddies. But...thank you, K."

"You're welcome. Now will you play for me?" she begged.

"Me? You are supposed to be the one practicing miss K," he said, giving her a look.

She giggled. "I know, I know. I will. After you play a song. Please? You haven't in so long."

"Didn't I just play 'The Little Mermaid' for you last week?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Hmm...maybe," she smirked. "You are so good at 'Part of Your World' I can't help it that I like to hear it!"

He couldn't resist. She gave him her pleading look and he chuckled, rolling up his dress shirt sleeves.

"Alright. Is that what you want to hear again? Or...Lion King? Mulan?" he asked.

"Hmm," Karen thought. "No, I don't think I want to hear a Disney song today."

"Ohh, okay. Broadening your horizons," he said, smiling at her.

"Yes. Can you play the song you said you used to play for grandma a lot? The one you and Olivia like?" Karen asked.

His heart jumped just at the mention of her name.

"Oh. 'Hallelujah'?" he confirmed.

"Yeah. Olivia used to sing it to me sometimes. But I've never heard _you_ sing it. Or play it," Karen shrugged.

He nodded. "I can do that. But you've got to sing with me, okay?"

She smiled and nodded. "I'll try my best."

He relaxed his shoulders and rested his fingers on the keys. They instantly knew what position to go to on the piano, because he'd played this song so many times he could probably play it in his sleep.

The song began in a fairly deep octave, so his left hand started off, and the deep notes rang out beautifully. His right hand played simultaneously along, and then the melody soon became distinguishable.

Karen was watching his fingers nimbly moving across the keys, mesmerized. He looked down at her and nodded, letting her know this was where the lyrics came in.

She sang what she remembered from the times it had been sung to her, but Fitz helped her out along the way. The lyrics were also something he could probably _sing_ in his sleep, no matter which version, so he was plenty able to sing the whole song while he played.

Karen was delighted at the end, even clapping quietly for him.

"That was beautiful, dad," she said.

"Thank you, Karen," he chuckled.

"You're welcome. Maybe I have to request that one more," Karen said.

"Maybe you do," he smiled.

"Some pretty beautiful music I've been hearing in here," Mellie said, walking toward the archway of the music room.

"Well, that was daddy, not me," Karen said.

"I don't think so, K. You've been killing it for the past half hour!" Fitz said.

"It's true — I've heard it all," Mellie nodded with a smile. "You've been playing _wonderfully."_

Karen smiled back happily. "Thank you, mom. Maybe you can sing one, now that you're here."

"You want me to sing? Sing what?" Mellie asked, coming in to sit on the chaise lounge across from the piano.

"How about...the one you and dad always used to play for me. The...Beatles one...I think," Karen suggested.

"'Let it Be'?" Mellie asked.

"Yeah! That's it!"

She looked at Fitz and he cleared his throat, nodding. "Alright. 'Let it Be,' it is."

He moved his hands up almost an octave from where they'd begun with Hallelujah, and looked at Mellie for confirmation.

She nodded back at him and he started to play.

He set the tempo and looked over at her just before her cue to come in. And then she started to sing.

Mellie had a beautiful voice, there was no doubt about that. He could tell that as Karen grew older, her singing voice was starting to resemble her mother's. Very similar already, although Karen's was obviously not quite matured yet.

They hadn't done this in a while; played the piano and sang together for Karen. They would often help her with her piano if she needed it, they just hadn't done _this_ in a long time. But apparently, Karen was in the mood for some songs tonight. And it probably wasn't such a bad thing, either.

He played the song through and she sang along, both doing it to see Karen smile.

She also gave them some applause when they were done, too.

"Woo! I love hearing songs. You are both so good," Karen noted happily.

They both laughed and thanked her. She gave them too much credit.

"Thank you both for singing for me," Karen smiled.

"Of course," Fitz said.

"Absolutely!" Mellie nodded.

"Olivia used to sing for me or with me a lot at the piano," Karen reminisced. "And you guys always used to love our songs."

Fitz sat next to Karen on the piano bench, wincing to himself as she brought up Olivia's name. He snuck a glance up at Mellie, who he could tell was trying to keep her composure and not alert Karen to what she was probably really feeling.

"Yes we did," Fitz nodded to Karen, trying to take some pressure off of Mellie for having to answer.

But she still did.

"Yes. Olivia was very sweet to sit and sing with you at the piano," Mellie nodded.

"Yeah. Liv's the best," Karen said. "I miss her _so much."_

Fitz nodded at her and gave her a smile. "I bet she misses you _tons."_

He knew that for a fact, actually.

Karen smiled happily and scooted back toward the center of the bench, to resume her practicing now that she'd heard some songs.

Fitz looked over at Mellie and gave her a subtle nod, locking eyes with her. Trying to tell her thank you, for what she'd said.

Being as jealous and as pissed off as she was, he knew it couldn't have been easy to outright say how _sweet_ Olivia was.

Even though it was true.

She gave him a subtle nod back before she put that fake smile back on.

"Well, I am going to go put in our dinner order. You keep practicing, K!" Mellie said.

"Okay, mom," Karen nodded.

Fitz sighed quietly and leaned in to kiss Karen's cheek. He rubbed her back as he got up off the piano bench.

"Alright. I'll leave you to it. I have to go do some work now, but I'll be listening, okay?" he said.

"Mmkay. Thanks for helping, daddy."

He nodded, giving her a smile before he exited the room.

"Always."

* * *

"Love you, too."

"Bye, Livvie."

"Bye, mom," Olivia said, hanging up the phone. She smiled like she so often did after having a nice conversation with her mother, and opened her bedroom door to go rejoin her friends.

There were three of her friends, crammed into the tiny sitting area of Olivia and Greta's place. But the tininess of the sitting area had no effect on them. And none of their places would offer much room anyway, so one small room was the same as the next, really.

"Ahh, she returns," Stephen said, raising his glass of...what was that?

"Stephen, what are you drinking?" Olivia laughed.

"Umm..." Stephen said, examining the beverage. "I'm not quite sure. Greta, could you offer me some assistance here?"

"It's a Japanese soda. You want one?" Greta asked.

"Oh, sure!" Olivia nodded.

"Honestly really slaps," Huck said. "And this is coming from someone who doesn't even like soda."

"It's very good," Stephen agreed. "You have to...push down the little marble to open it."

"Ohhh, right, right," Olivia nodded, thanking Greta for the soda.

She'd had one before, they _were_ good.

She got an orange flavor, which, she couldn't complain about. She took off the plastic wrap and disassembled the part of the cap she'd need in order to push the marble down into the drink.

After pressing firmly on it, there was a brief popping sound as the marble was forced down into the soda, opening it.

"Damn, okay, she made me look really quite stupid trying to open mine," Stephen pointed out.

Greta was in a fit of laughter. "That's alright. They're very unique so I'm guessing the first time you ever see one you have no idea what to do."

"Yes, I can confirm that," Stephen nodded.

"But you know, Stephen, while it may be Japan's National soft drink now, it was actually originally a Scottish invention," Greta pointed out.

Stephen looked confused. "What? You can't be serious. Surely I would know such a thing."

"I am indeed, quite serious," Greta laughed, speaking in her best Scottish accent back to Stephen.

Her Scottish accent was actually quite good. No surprise there!

"Well isn't that a nice fun fact. Now I feel even more ridiculous for not knowing how to open it," Stephen chuckled, as everyone laughed.

"Yeah — I mean, they're way more fun than cans, though, I'm gonna be real," Huck said, taking a sip of his.

"And very good," Olivia added.

"See — this is what I like to see, drinking Ramune with my two American friends and my Scottish friend," Greta said.

"Mhm, right, and have you shared a Ramune with your..._Finnish_...friend, yet?" Huck asked, giving her a smirk.

Greta started to blush and everyone laughed.

"No. We're not quite to the...Ramune stage yet, I told you all I'm working on it! At least he knows me now," Greta shrugged.

"Uh-huh, because tripping into him in an elevator is a little hard not to notice, G," Stephen said.

"Hey!" Greta laughed, as everyone cracked up. "I got nervous, okay?!"

"It's okay, G, it happens! The people we like tend to make us nervous sometimes," Olivia said, glaring at the two boys. They just kept chuckling.

"Right! And you know — this is different. Guys don't usually make me this nervous. I mean, what do I have to be nervous for? They're usually bumbling idiots. Women. Now _women_ make me more nervous. They're so...cute and smart, and...you know, everything a guy isn't."

"That's extremely accurate, I will admit," Stephen nodded.

"Oh, a hundred percent," Huck nodded. "God, we tend to suck."

"But then there's this damn blond ass white boy that I can't seem to be normal around, or figure out why I like him so much. It's so annoying," Greta said. "_But_. Now, he knows who I am, _and we've_ ridden to school together a couple times."

"You are well on your way to Ramune with Mikko, my friend," Huck said.

"Thank you, thank you, good vibes only," Greta laughed.

"I already called that you two would get married and have lots of babies, G," Olivia said, raising her drink.

Greta pointed at Olivia, wrapping an arm around her. "O, your positivity, I tell you."

"Holy shit, I just realized that together, you two make O and G. You're like...the OG," Huck said.

Greta shrugged. "What can we say, we were made to be roomies, I think."

"Agreed," Olivia added. "We've had some...interesting times together, to say the least."

Greta smirked back at Olivia, both of them undoubtedly thinking of the same thing, and started giggling.

"That, we have," Greta laughed. "And I would never trade them for anything. And I wouldn't trade you two boys, either. We've had some of the best times, and I look forward to many more."

"Yesss!"

"You know it."

"You're damn right."

"Here, here, everyone smile," Huck said, holding up his phone to take a selfie of all of them.

They all leaned in and smiled, looking happily at the camera with their Japanese sodas in hand. Just another memory to add to the list.

"Oh damn, I look good in that," Huck said, examining himself in the picture.

"Damn, we _all_ look good in that," Olivia said.

"Hell yes, we do. My makeup is on point today," Greta nodded.

"G, your make up is _always_ on point," Olivia nodded.

"Honestly true. It's no wonder cute Finnish boy wants to ride into school with you," Huck said.

Greta gasped. "Ohhh, do I have to compete with you now, Huck?"

"Yes Huckles, I thought you were into, you know, the older fellows," Stephen nodded.

"Stevie boy, quit with the Huckles, okay?!"

"Only if you quit with Stevie boy!" he exclaimed back.

Olivia and Greta were laughing at their little quarrel.

"Fine, fine," Huck said. "But no, you don't have to compete with me my darling Greta, I've already got me a man at home. And as Stephen said...we do know I like the 'older fellows'."

"Yeah, how old is El again?" Greta asked.

"He's 25. So by older fellows, I mean...they're not actually that old," Huck chuckled.

"Yeah that's not old," Greta agreed. "He seems younger than that, too."

Olivia internally breathed a sigh of relief — because if her friends thought Elliot was old, oh dear. She'd have an interesting discussion coming their way when the time was right.

"Yeah. Look, guys our age — some can be hot. Mikko is definitely an example, and honestly, Mikko _looks_ like he's 25," Huck said.

Greta laughed. "He does. He's so tall, and...muscular."

Olivia smirked.

"But...a little bit older? _That's_ where it's at. Some of the hottest guys I have _ever_ seen in my life are in the twenties to thirties range," Huck said. "It's the hot age — I didn't ask for that, that's just how it is!"

"Yeah, I would agree with that honestly," Greta nodded.

"Like...oh my God. G, have you ever seen a picture of the family Olivia stayed with her first semester? I mean — _damn._

Olivia's eyes widened, and her heart started beating faster.

Oh God.

"Oh, that's right! I remember you telling me the guy in the family was super hot," Greta said to Huck. "I've never seen a picture, though!"

"Oh man, God was not messing around when he made that man. Probably one of the hottest straight men I've ever seen. _Mr. Grant,"_ Huck said, looking at Olivia with a smirk.

Olivia's face was hot with embarrassment, and she just prayed to God this wasn't the day she had to explain everything to all of them. That would just be...a lot at once.

"Ha _ha,"_ Olivia laughed.

"I wouldn't know that particular detail about a man's...'hot age range' — however my girlfriend is two years older than me. Does that count?" Stephen chimed in.

_Thank you. Thank you for changing the subject, Stephen._

"Absolutely that counts!" Olivia nodded.

"Oh hell yeah. Stevie boy likes the older women, huh?" Huck asked, looking between Stephen and his phone.

Stephen smirked back. "You know it."

"Oh my God," Olivia laughed, rolling her eyes.

She noticed Huck had been scrolling through his phone. She'd thought they'd successfully moved on, but the next thing that came out of Huck's mouth showed her that they had _not._

"Okay, Liv, I'm sorry girl, I don't want to make you uncomfortable but I just _had_ to show G Mr. Grant," Huck said, facing his phone toward the two women. "Apparently he's an easy Google search."

And there on his phone, was Fitz's professional headshot from what she assumed was J.P. Morgan's leadership page.

**Fitzgerald Grant,**

**Vice President of Operational Risk**

Olivia's whole body went numb as she looked nervously at Huck and back at Greta, who was examining the headshot, and beginning to put things together. It hadn't been too long ago that she'd met Fitz, herself. But Olivia had certainly not introduced him to her as "Mr. Grant, from the family she stayed with last semester." That was all...new information that she was now receiving.

Greta looked over at Olivia in surprise.

"Wait a second. That's..." Greta asked.

"Isn't he hot? _Whew!"_ Huck said, looking at Fitz's picture.

Olivia looked at Greta, desperately wishing she could say "just play it cool" out loud or something, but clearly she didn't need to, because Greta seemed to get it.

"Yeah...super hot," Greta nodded.

Olivia cleared her throat, looking around and trying to think of something to say. She came up with nothing. Well, nothing good, at least.

"Hey, uh...you wanna come with me to grab some of our snacks from the kitchen?" Olivia asked Greta.

Greta seemed to understand right away and she nodded.

"Uh, yeah, sure. We'll be back, boys!" Greta said.

"Oh, sweet. Hey, grab the hot Cheetos, will you?" Huck asked.

"Yeah, yeah. You want some chopsticks to eat them with, too?" Olivia laughed.

"You know me so well. I don't do dirty fingers," Huck shook his head.

"Alright. Be back soon," Olivia nodded, grabbing her keys as Greta followed behind.

They were silent walking the brief distance down the hallway to the kitchen. When Olivia confirmed they were alone in the kitchen, she turned back to Greta, who was raising an eyebrow at her.

"Oh...my...God."

"Yeah..." Olivia sighed, putting her hand up to her face. "I know."

"I mean...holy shit. Like _actually?"_ Greta asked. "Like while you were...living there, too?"

Olivia sighed. "Not at first. But eventually...yes."

Greta looked at her, jaw dropped, with a slight smirk.

"So _that's_ how you met boyfriend..." Greta said. "I would have _never_ seen that coming."

"Um...yeah, it's a bit...unorthodox," Olivia agreed.

"A bit? Shit, Liv. Isn't he...you know..." she said, pointing to her ring finger.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded. "Yeah, he is. Hopefully not soon, but...currently, yes. And she knows, too."

Greta's jaw dropped even wider. "Wait. She knows...like, about you two?"

"Uh-huh," Olivia nodded.

"And she knows it happened while you were living —"

"Uh-huh," Olivia nodded again.

"Holy _shit!"_ Greta whispered. "Are you...fucking with me right now?"

"Nope. It's a mess," Olivia admitted. "But hopefully sometime in the near future...we'll get it cleaned up. We're working on it."

"So they're obviously...getting a divorce then, right?" Greta asked.

"That's the goal. She's...their marriage is also a bit unorthodox. It has _never_ been good. I'll explain everything later, I just wanted to give you a heads up because I knew you would be sitting there so confused if I didn't," Olivia said.

"Well, thank you for that. I know how hard it must be to have told me, and I take it...nobody else knows?" Greta questioned.

"Just...my best friend back home, Shawn. A couple of his friends know, too, and Mellie. His wife. Otherwise, nobody else. Those guys in there, they're some of my closest friends, too. Especially Huck. I'm just...it's a big thing to tell, G. It's a _scary_ thing to tell. I was going to tell you all about him when I felt Fitz and I were in a better place than we are now. I trust you all, and really...there's no harm in any of you knowing. It was just...easier for _me_, not to say anything. Mostly because, I didn't know what to say and...I was afraid of how you'd think of me when I figured _out_ what to say."

Greta shook her head sadly. "Oh, Liv. God, no. Don't even think that way. You've become one of my closest friends...I know you. I know the person that you are. A _good_ person. Kind. Caring. I know you. This doesn't change any of that at all. I saw you two together. And I knew right away that you two were...well, you know what I'm saying. Trust me, I know what it feels like to be so unexplainably into someone. I know you don't control feelings. I would never think differently of you because of this, _especially_ when I don't know the full story."

Olivia sighed and nodded. "Thanks, Greta. Thank you."

"No need to thank me. Thank _you_ for sharing with me," Greta said. "But if you don't mind, I do look forward to hearing the full story later, because _wow_, do I have some questions."

"Totally understandable," Olivia laughed. "I'll have lots of answers for you."

"Cool," Greta nodded. "And hey, I got you, Liv. Always."

Olivia sighed, leaning into her for a hug.

"Thank you."

"Of _course,"_ Greta nodded, hugging her tightly. "Now...should we grab those dumb boys their snacks before they come looking for us?"

"Yeah, probably," Olivia laughed.

They grabbed the snacks they had in their spot of the kitchen, including the hot Cheetos for Huck, and headed back to their suite.

As soon as they opened the door, Huck was quick to apologize.

"Okay, Liv, I realized you got really uncomfortable when I brought up Mr. Grant, so I will refrain from ever bringing him up again, because I know it's probably awkward for you. Please accept my apology, you beautiful, badass Queen."

Both women started laughing and Stephen rolled his eyes.

"I accept your apology, Huckles," Olivia said, laughing.

Huck gasped, but then shrugged it off. "Okay, okay, I'll deal with Huckles this time around because it's you."

"Hey! Why can't I then?" Stephen asked. "That doesn't seem very fair."

"Oh Stevie boy, because you're not a beautiful, badass Queen," Huck shrugged.

"Well...am I a beautiful, badass King?" he asked.

"You are in my book, Stevie," Olivia said, coming to sit back down again.

"Mine too," Greta agreed.

Stephen smiled.

"Okay. I have the girls' opinions, that's much more important than yours," Stephen said to Huck.

Now it was Huck's turn to object.

"Hey!" Huck exclaimed.

"Now, now, boys. Here, distract yourself with food," Olivia said, tossing some snacks in the middle of their group.

"Ayyeee!" Huck said, reaching for one of the bags. "Our ladies always save the day."

Greta and Olivia laughed.

"Hell yes we do."

* * *

"You sleep tight okay?" Fitz asked, squeezing his daughter's little hand in his own.

"I will, dad," Karen nodded.

Fitz sighed and looked around her bed. "Now..._where_ is mister sunshine?"

Karen shrugged. "I'm getting too old for mister sunshine."

Fitz gasped. "That's what you said about daddy's tickles and I think...I proved that theory untrue—"

He started tickling her tummy, which, as always, had her in a fit of giggles. She tried to roll from side to side in her bed — away from his tickles, but it didn't work too well.

He smiled, seeing her giggle so hard. And then a tuft of yellow fuzz poked out from underneath the covers from all of her movement.

He gasped again.

"Now who is this?" he asked, reaching for the bear. Karen's famous mister Sunshine, hidden underneath her sheets.

She smiled and shrugged.

"Okay. Maybe I'm _not_ too old for mister Sunshine, or daddy's tickles."

He chuckled, leaning down and kissing her forehead.

"Never," he said, smiling down at her. "I love you so much, K."

"Love you too, dad," she smiled.

He tucked her bear under her arm and covered her up snugly with her comforter.

"Goodnight, baby."

"Goodnight."

He shut her door behind him and headed to his bedroom. Not to sleep — he hadn't slept in there in months.

But to do something he honestly wasn't expecting to do today. Thank Mellie.

She had already said her goodnights to Karen, so when he walked in she was all comfy in their bed, reading a book.

He shut the door behind him and she looked up at him hesitantly.

"Um...I just wanted to say thank you. For earlier. Playing nice when...K brought her up. Thank you," Fitz said.

It may have seemed like a simple thing, but he knew it wasn't. And not only playing nice, but _complimenting_ the woman your husband was in love with — that was something.

Especially when you were as jealous of a person as Mellie was.

She looked up at him and sighed.

"I know...how much she means to Karen. And...I wouldn't ever try to tarnish someone's appearance in the eyes of an innocent, sweet 10-year-old," she said quietly.

Fitz nodded. "Did you...want to, though?"

He was nervous to hear her answer, but felt this was a good chance to get to know just how she really felt regarding Olivia. Lord knew he was aware of how she felt about _him_. But Olivia, herself, hadn't ever really been Mellie's main focus — thank God. She was usually too busy focusing on all of Fitz's shortcomings and wrongdoings.

Mellie didn't nod or shake her head. Instead, she just laid there, slowly setting her book down on the comforter.

"I don't know, Fitz. I don't know. I always thought she was the sweetest young woman. Of course now...she makes me so..._irritably_ mad. But not as much as you do," she replied.

And for that, he was grateful. Another thing jealousy could have done, was make her hate Olivia more than him. Thankfully, that wasn't the case for Mellie.

Unfortunately, though, that's what she had always done, anyway. Hate him. Or at least, that's what it felt like.

"Yeah. I know, Mell," he nodded.

He got ready to turn around and leave, just because he felt like they didn't need to get into how much she hated him tonight. They could take a night off of that, he thought. Plus, he owed his mother a call.

But she spoke up as she saw him turning to leave.

"Fitz."

He turned back to her curiously.

"I hate you right now," she admitted. "It's hard to even look at you."

"Yeah, Mell. I know that," he said.

"No, wait."

He waited, wondering where the hell this was going.

"I know that...I can't hate you forever. I know that I can't, and that I won't."

"You have...every right to," he nodded.

"I know. And I still do."

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head. "Yeah. I got that part."

"But I won't always," she said.

He nodded, looking at her thoughtfully.

"Thank you for...telling me that."

She nodded, putting her book aside and turning off her lamp.

He watched her settle into bed and he shut off the main light for her.

"Night."

She rolled over, facing away from him.

"Night," she replied.

He slowly shut their door, before making his way quietly down the stairs.

Well that was new.

* * *

"Wait — you two were doing the nasty while you were in the next room and I was too stupid to notice?!" Greta asked.

"Nooo, no," Olivia laughed, shaking her head. "All we did was...get ready for bed in the bathroom, sneak into my room, watch some 'Game of Thrones' and sleep."

"Okay...but still. How did I not notice?!" Greta exclaimed.

"Honestly, I thought for sure you would when you came in and announced you were going to throw yourself off the Empire State Building if you didn't ace your test — because Fitz almost spit out all the toothpaste in his mouth in surprise."

"Oh my God," Greta laughed. "Hey, good news, I remember that exam and I did in fact, ace it."

"Uh-huh, and do you remember me telling you that you would?" Olivia smirked.

"I do!" Greta nodded. "Thank you for believing in me during such...apparently hard times."

"You're welcome," Olivia laughed.

"And...thank you for giving me the full story about Fitz. It really means a lot that you did," Greta said.

"Of course. I'm glad you know. I should have just...told you before," Olivia said.

"No, you had no obligation to tell anyone anything. This is your business and your business only, Liv. I get it. So...I'm honored to know. And...by the way — you're calling this for me so I'm calling it for you, too. You're gonna get through all this with him. And you're gonna be stronger than ever; all of you. And you're gonna get married. I _said_ it! I have spoken the words!"

"Ohhh _shit," _Olivia replied. "You think so, huh?"

"I do," Greta nodded. "I really do."

Olivia smirked. "I will absolutely take that. Because...as crazy as the world would probably think we were...that sounds pretty amazing to me."

"Mmhmmm," Greta smirked.

"He's just...all I want," Olivia sighed. "I mean, before I came here to New York...I thought I only wanted one thing. I thought I knew what I wanted to do and I had a plan. And don't get me wrong, I absolutely still have that plan. I just...want more than that now. He came out of nowhere and just...made me fall. So hard."

"You know...in his eyes _you_ were the one that came out of nowhere and made _him_ fall hard," Greta pointed out with a smirk.

"Yeah that's probably true. _Literally_ came out of nowhere because he didn't know I was coming until last minute," Olivia laughed.

"Probably the best last-minute surprise he's ever gotten, looking back on it," Greta said. "Based on — you know — the heart eyes he looks at you with."

Olivia smiled. "He's a sweetheart."

"And an absolute dilf. The face, the body — Jesus. I mean...I'm sorry, can I just be frank? Or are you going to kick my ass for saying that?" Greta asked.

"Oh, no. Trust me — I'm well aware. He's hot as hell," Olivia nodded. "I got damn lucky. And obviously with more important things than just his looks too. He's...the best dad to K, and...so selfless, and kind. He's just...amazing."

Greta put her hand to her heart and smiled. "My heart."

"Sorry. I don't mean to go all soft," Olivia laughed. "He just gets me."

"You can be as soft as you want. I know the feeling," Greta nodded. "You know what I _am_ disappointed about, though?"

"What?"

"That I didn't get to guess his name!" Greta exclaimed.

"His name? You met him — you knew his name?" Olivia questioned.

"Yeah I knew his _nickname_, but I knew there was no way his full name was just...'Fitz'. I honestly wondered if it was his last name or something, because I'd never heard that as a first name before. And if it wasn't, I knew it had to be some...rich white family name or something. And I was going to guess...FitzSimmons. Or...FitzPatrick," Greta shrugged.

"Fitz_Simmons_," Olivia laughed, shaking her head.

"Yeah, I was going for the more unique guesses, as you can tell," Greta giggled. "But Fitzgerald is cool, too. Very...sophisticated sounding. Just like he looks."

"Yeah, tell me about it. You should see the house he grew up in. My God. Trust me, you were on to something when you were thinking, uh...rich," Olivia said.

"Oh, yeah? I'm guessing it's _beautiful _then."

"Extremely. And his mother still lives there. She's amazing too," Olivia nodded.

"Awww! I bet. Sweet guy like him, you just know his mama is the best."

Olivia smiled.

"She really is."

* * *

"Yes, darling, I am," Jean said happily.

Fitz chuckled.

"Of course I'm too protective of you, Fitzgerald. I won't deny it. But it's my _job_ to be protective of my son. My only child. You know the feeling. How protective are you of your little girl?" Jean asked.

Fitz nodded. "Fair point."

"That's right. And plus, I mean no harm. You know I only want to know you're doing okay," Jean said.

"I know, mom. I know. And you're very sweet to worry about me. But you don't need to. I promise," Fitz said.

"Now, if I told you not to worry — would it work?" Jean asked.

Fitz started to laugh. "Another fair point."

"I _am_ always right, you know," Jean said.

"Can't argue with that one," Fitz agreed.

"You know what I think you need, son? I think you need to get away," Jean said.

"Probably," he chuckled. "But right now I'm trying to...be here for Karen while I'm trying to set things right. I can't leave her when things aren't...solid. I don't know what that would do to her, I think she'd be...really confused."

"That's very noble of you, I admire you for not wanting to leave her when things are uncertain," Jean said. "But I think you're misunderstanding me. It doesn't even have to be far or for very long. Just...go somewhere and clear your mind for a bit. I always find that extremely helpful."

"Like...where?" he asked with a laugh.

"Oh, I don't know. Anywhere! You know, I'm thinking of heading somewhere in March for a little spring break of my own with my girlfriends! You could always join us — you know how much they love you!"

Fitz laughed. "Thank you, mother. But I would never want to intrude on your...girls trip. Where are you ladies thinking about going?"

"I'm not sure yet. Maybe Turks, or Barbados. One of the usual places. Just somewhere beautiful and warm and away from all this cold!"

"Sounds great to me," he nodded.

"Well, my boy, the offer still stands. And if not...you can always come house sit for your mother, too. That would be a little vacation, wouldn't it? Plus, then I wouldn't worry about my plants!"

He chuckled. "You keep me updated and I'll get back to you, okay?"

"Okay, son. Well, I'll let you go. But you make sure you take some time for yourself before then, okay? You need it."

"I will, mom," he replied. "Miss you."

"I miss you too — and I love you more than anything, Fitzgerald," she said.

"I love you too. Goodnight, mom."

"Goodnight."

Fitz hung up the phone and glanced at the time on his watch, seeing that it wasn't too late to call his girlfriend. She'd be up.

He scrolled through his recent calls and clicked the FaceTime icon next to her name.

It didn't ring very long before he saw it was connecting, and her cute face popped up.

Both of them were in their bedrooms in the dark, but their faces were slightly illuminated by the lights of their screens.

She gasped, smiling at her screen.

"Hi you!"

"Hi you," he chuckled back quietly. "How are you?"

"I'm better now, how are you?"

"Better now," he smiled. "I was just missin' you and thought I could catch you before bed. I hope you weren't trying to sleep."

"Oh, no I wasn't. I was just scrolling through Twitter," she said. "Thank you for saving me, actually — I've been scrolling for almost half an hour."

"You're welcome," he laughed.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to be busy...talking with Mellie tonight or anything — so I didn't call. But I'm glad _you_ did, because...we probably should talk," she said seriously. "There was something I was waiting to talk to you about over the phone or in person."

He grew extremely nervous, nodding at her with a straight face.

"Oh. Um...okay," he replied. "About what?"

Olivia sighed. "Okay. So...it's a long story, but...today, I ended up telling Greta everything. I was kind of put in an odd position that would have just left her so confused and probably more weirded out than if I explained everything — so I made the decision to just explain it all to her. And I figured you had a right to know that now...another person knows."

He sighed in relief.

"Oh my — thank _God_," he said.

She looked at him funny. "Are you...relieved that she finally knows everything or what?"

"No, no — well, I mean, sure, actually. That's more...convenient, I guess. But no, you scared the hell out of me!" he exclaimed.

"Oh shoot! I'm so sorry, I should have probably gone about introducing that better," she said apologetically.

"Yeah!" he nodded. "Christ — I think my whole life just flashed before my eyes."

"Oh my God, I'm _so_ sorry. I did sound kind of serious, didn't I?" she asked, putting her hand up to her mouth.

"Yes! Baby — you _do_ know I have anxiety, right?" he cracked up.

She was laughing, shaking her head. "Oh, baby. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about that. What did you think I wanted to talk about?!"

"I had no idea. But when I heard the words 'we should talk' it's like...all logic and rationality went out the window. My mind just assumed the absolute worst scenarios possible. That wasn't fun, I don't think I've ever experienced that and I didn't like it," he said, shaking his head.

"Again, I'm so sorry!" she apologized. "Jesus, smiley, don't be thinking I'm done with your ass yet. You have to put up with me longer than _this."_

He was chuckling, shaking his head. "I'm _never_ going to be done putting up with you. And I never want you to...be done with me. Or...my ass."

"The feeling is very mutual," Olivia nodded, smiling. "When I was talking to Greta about you, I actually...um. We were talking about you and I and...us being together. Hopefully for a...long time."

He nodded. "Oh yeah? Like...like how long? 'Cause I don't know, I was thinking maybe...for like another week or so."

She glared at him playfully and then shook her head. "Okay — I deserved that after the scare I gave you."

They were both cracking up together.

"Look at you making jokes over there you cutie," she giggled. "I would love to be with you for another...week or so."

"Aww, really? That's so nice of you," he chuckled.

She smiled, rolling her eyes at him.

"So um..." he began. "So how did it go, then? With Greta?"

"It went well," Olivia nodded. "Basically, it all started because Huck was discussing his attraction toward older men, and that one of the hottest older straight men he'd ever seen in his life was 'Mr. Grant — the guy whose family I stayed with last semester'. So then — naturally — he showed Greta a picture of you, and I was left looking at Greta like a deer in headlights while it all clicked in her head. So...I pulled her aside to explain."

His mind was racing over all the information he was just told.

"Oh — my God. I don't know which part to address first. But I feel as though I need to thank Huck for such a...nice, um...compliment."

Olivia laughed. "Well, he's very correct, you know. And he's certainly not alone — in fact, all of the people in my life who know what you look like can't seem to stop telling me how hot you are. I don't know whether to be protective and jealous or...proud, or...all of the above?"

He was blushing to an insane degree on the other end of the phone, and she could see it all.

"Wow. I don't...I don't feel like I deserve all that recognition," he chuckled. "But I do know what that feeling is like, because everyone who knows what you look like says the same thing. Abby's first impression of you was that you are a Goddess, which I agree with. And...even Mellie knows you're stunning. She said so."

Now _Olivia's_ mind was racing.

"Oh, wow. Okay — now _I_ don't know what to address first. Tell Abby thank you for her kind words — she looks like a Goddess, herself. And second of all — _Mellie_ said that?"

"Yes, she did," he nodded. "Even she knows you're...hot. As fuck. And she's jealous of you, so that's how you _know_ it's true and that...everyone thinks it."

"Wait a minute, did you just say I was hot as fuck?" Olivia asked.

"Uhh...yeah. Yeah, I said that."

Olivia smirked. "I've never heard such words come from that mouth and I really liked it."

"What? Come on — you're gorgeous. And I tell you all the time. Don't I? Do I not say it enough? Oh...shit. I don't...I don't say it enough —"

"No, no, baby," she laughed. "You say I'm gorgeous, and beautiful _all_ the time. _Plenty_. Which I love, and you're so sweet to tell me that! I'm just not used to 'hot as fuck' and it was...really sexy."

"_Oh,"_ he nodded. "Well...I just always thought women wanted to hear 'beautiful' rather than...'hot.' Not that hot is wrong, I mean...you're the hottest woman I've ever seen in my life — I just...okay. I think I'm...I'm overthinking it now and you're probably not...thinking this is sexy anymore—"

"You are _definitely_ overthinking it," she giggled, cracking up. "I appreciate all those adjectives, Fitz. They are _deeply_ appreciated."

"Okay. Good. How about...'fine.' Can I use that, or am I too old? Because you're _really_ fine—"

She was cracking up again, and now he was blushing, chuckling back.

"I'm going to take your laughter as a no. Okay — how about...'foxy?' Am I too _young_ to use that one? I still would like to point out that you _are_ quite foxy, regardless of...you know, if you like it or not."

She couldn't stop laughing.

"Smiley's got _jokes_ tonight," she laughed, probably looking at him with the biggest heart eyes Greta would have ever seen in her life.

He chuckled back. "I'm taking that compliment for sure, because I'm...not so good at jokes."

"I think you are," she replied. "and I appreciate both 'fine' and 'foxy.' I'm thrilled you think I qualify for both adjectives."

He smirked. "Livvie, there aren't enough good adjectives in the _world_ to describe you."

She opened her mouth in awe. "_And_ he's got the lines tonight? Damn, baby, I see you!"

He was laughing, smiling back at her. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too, you cutie. I'm gonna need to kiss you real soon, so we're gonna have to figure something out," she said.

"I agree," he nodded. "A kiss, or...many kisses. And an extra long hug."

She gasped. "I love your extra long hugs."

"I know," he smirked, raising his eyebrows.

She sighed contently, looking at him longingly.

"I wish..." she began. She sighed. "Ugh. I just wish a lot of things."

"What do you wish?" he asked curiously.

She shrugged. "It does no good to dwell on wishes."

"Not always. But dwell for me," he whispered. "I want to hear them."

She smiled at him. "Really?"

"Of course. Always," he nodded.

_Hmm_. Okay.

"I wish...I could be with you all the time. And Karen, too. And I wish...everyone we loved could just know already how much I...fricken love you. And I wish...we didn't hurt anybody to do it all."

He looked at her intently.

"I think those are good wishes to dwell on," he noted gently. "Because they _will_ be true one day."

She tilted her head at him curiously.

"One day...we won't hurt anyone anymore. We can't take away the pain that's already been felt. But one day...there won't be any more of it to go around. One day, everyone will know this was for the best. _Especially_ Mellie. And by then, the whole world can know how much you..._fricken love me. _And vice versa, by the way. And by then...we can be with each other all the time. Karen too. I don't think it's possible to get sick of my daughter, she's perfect, but...you _might_ get sick of me after all that...togetherness."

She started giggling. "I could _never."_

Fitz smiled. "I hope not. 'Cause...all those things are kind of...getting me through this right now. No more lies. Just truth. And...you. You and K — that's...literally all I ever need in my life. That's all...I want."

"Me too," she whispered.

"And contrary to what I said before...I want that for _far more_ than just the next week," he chuckled, hearing her laugh with him. "I was actually thinking more along the lines of...for the rest of...our lives, or...you know. Something like that."

He said it quickly and quietly, clearing his throat afterward.

"So like...forever, right?" she teased, seeing him blush.

"Uhh...yeah. Yeah. Along those lines," he nodded, starting to smirk along with her.

"I'm glad we're on the same page," she said, smiling at him. "I think...we've been on that same page for a long time."

"Yeah I think so, too," he chuckled.

"Since I burned your poor hand," she said.

He chuckled. "Mhm. That was exactly what I was thinking as you tried to desperately bandage up my hand. 'God, this woman is _mine_.'"

She was giggling, cracking up again.

"I knew it!" she exclaimed. "I _am_ yours."

It felt good to hear all of that. Especially because at one point in their relationship, they'd separated and come to the conclusion that they didn't belong to one another. _Couldn't._

But now, the truth was much more clear, and neither was afraid to admit it anymore. Those wishes _would_ all be true one day.

"And I'm yours. Forever."

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed this little chapter.**

**I decided to give you two at one time since they were both pretty short, but definitely wanted to make it clear that they're separate chapters with some time in between. So head on over to the next one if you want to!**

**Read on,**

**~T**


	24. Pain

"So how did last night go?" Olivia asked, running her fingers through his hair. Watching him as he was now sliding her leggings down from their current high-waisted position.

"It was okay. I think we made some progress in at least starting to _think_ about next steps. And I will say that...we're moving away from the consistent insults all the time. Which is also a plus," he said, pulling her leggings off one leg at a time.

"That _is_ a plus," she nodded, feeling the softness of his curls under her hands. "I don't appreciate the insults at all. Not my baby."

He looked up at her and smiled, giving her a wink. But then he shrugged, looking at her uncertainly.

"I just wish I could...see into her brain sometimes," he said, sliding her white silky thong down her legs.

"Yeah. Things would definitely be a lot easier if that were the case," she agreed, watching him.

He dropped her thong over the side of the bed and extended back upward, looking at her now almost naked body.

Her shirt was already gone, but her bra still remained.

"Yeah. But…I'm just staying confident about it. _Trying_ to," he said, instinctively reaching around her back for her bra clasp. "That's the only thing that keeps me sane. Along with you. And K."

"Is that right?" Olivia smiled.

"Mhm," he nodded, feeling around for the clasp. "And I need that right now. Because along with dealing with Mellie, work has been…just crazy lately, too."

"Yeah? What's been going on?" she said, looking at him intently.

He furrowed his eyebrows, analyzing her bra, since it clearly had been kicking his ass for about 30 seconds now.

"Oh, Fitz, sorry, it's…here. It's on the front," she laughed, gesturing to the front clasp on her bra. Which, was actually a new one.

_Ah yes, one of these bras. _

"Oh. Shit. That's right, I like these ones," he nodded, identifying the front clasp and undoing it as she giggled. "Is this…yeah. This one is new."

"It _is_ new! Thank you for noticing," she said, smiling at him as her perfect breasts came free of her bra. He pulled the straps down and she took it off completely.

He bit his lip, looking at her pretty smile and her now bare chest below him. "You are…_very welcome_."

She pulled on his tie, smirking up at him.

"Tell me what's been going on at work, baby," she said, watching him smirk as he knelt above her.

He was fully clothed — wearing everything except his suit jacket. She, on the other hand — completely naked.

"Well..." he began, leaning down and taking her nipple in his mouth.

She gasped quietly, holding his head against her chest.

His warm mouth was doing the absolute most in the best way — sucking, and pulling gently with his lips. Circling his tongue in such a teasing manner and watching how it affected her.

Her eyes were closed and she was laying so relaxed on her bed, letting him have full control.

"Like I told you last week we've got a new executive in the division that I'm...sort of taking under my wing," he explained, kissing his way across to her other breast.

He took that nipple in his mouth now, letting his tongue do the work. But then he paused again.

"He knows what he's doing, I don't have to babysit him or anything. But as far as switching companies goes, he's just had to adapt to how...JPM does things and I've just been helping him with that. He's a great guy and...he's been really appreciative," Fitz nodded. "It just...adds to my responsibilities and things I have to think about."

"...Right," Olivia nodded, biting her lip in pleasure.

He smirked, and continued on.

"But there are other execs getting him situated too, it isn't just me. Andrew's been helping, so has Cyrus. My assistant Ethan has been...assisting him a lot as well. It's a team effort."

"That's...that's good," she whispered, becoming even more relaxed.

"Yes, it is. But along with that, just...the stress that comes with nearing the end of quarter one. A few board presentations. A whole new risk evaluation model that...we're trying to implement right now. And just the everyday fires I tend to have to...put out."

"Right. Right...you told me about...the new...model," she said, squeezing onto his hand.

He smiled, bringing her hand up to his mouth to kiss it gently.

"Yeah. But I won't bore you with any more of that."

"No, no — it isn't boring at all, I asked," she said, opening her eyes to look at him. "I love hearing...about what you do, and who you work with and...how important you are. I..._really_ do."

He chuckled. "I know, Livvie. I'm just busy with, um...some other things right now. More important things."

"Oh. Like...what?" she asked breathlessly.

He brought two fingers up to his mouth and wet them, and she studying him the entire time. She watched, smirking, as he brought those two fingers down her body.

She inhaled sharply, feeling him start to tease her. He circled her opening with a finger, watching how she reacted to it.

And that, along with the kisses he was planting on her chest, had her weak.

He'd managed to have her almost shaking already, and he hadn't so much as started to finger her yet.

"I'm just...having fun with my girlfriend," he whispered. "That's all."

"That's…all," she laughed quietly, widening her legs for him.

He noticed, looking down at her open legs for him.

She looked back at him pleadingly, holding into his arm that was bracing himself above her.

He smiled. "Should I stop teasing?"

"Please," she whispered with a smile.

"Mmkay," he chuckled.

He inserted his finger inside her again, this time not as slowly.

He went all the way in, watching her face contort.

Even the brief teasing had her wet.

But he decided to make things...wetter.

He pulled his finger out and scooted down the bed, getting a good look at her naked body from a different angle.

Beautiful.

She panted, watching him intently as he lifted her legs, and guided them over his head.

Her heart raced and she smirked, resting her feet on his back.

He brought his index finger back into the equation, but this time added his middle finger. Slowly. With his face right there, he got to see everything up close. And my, what a show that was**.**

Her breathing was growing faster, and he felt his pants tighten as he became harder. He just ignored that part.

Because her clit was right there in front of him, begging for his attention. And he was happy to oblige. He craved her. He craved the position they were in right now. And he had to admit, he was pretty sure Olivia would take it any day he wanted to give it to her. Which...would be every day if he had it his way.

He knew the effect it had on her; it was her favorite. His too.

He leaned in and let his tongue do the work, and she instantly responded.

"Oh...baby," she whispered, her muscles tightening. "Oh..."

"Hmm?" he responded.

She clutched at her sheets, unable to look at him. So he wrapped his other arm around her hip and rested his free hand on her stomach. The other hand was quite busy, pumping two fingers in and out of her slowly.

She instinctively reached down and laced her fingers in his on top of her stomach. It was at least something to hold on to — kind of.

And now she couldn't help but look down at him, finally opening her eyes as she steadily panted.

His eyes were the ones that were closed now, as he did what he did.

Did what he could do.

He was so incredibly good at what he was doing right now, and she was pretty sure he downright knew it. It was something he did with such confidence. Such pleasure.

His fingers hit that spot repeatedly. Expertly. And his mouth complemented perfectly. Skillfully.

If she thought she'd been shaking before...her body was just about convulsing now. All that tension, building up. All those things he was doing so right.

He paused, as her clit throbbed. He admired her body, and the place his head had just been buried in.

She whimpered quietly, almost begging him to resume.

He pressed a soft kiss to her clit, looking up at her pleasured face.

"You are killing me right now," she whispered.

"Oh no. That's...that's not a good thing," he whispered back, pressing another kiss to her clit.

She opened her mouth in awe, feeling the constant throb. Feeling desperate for contact again.

He'd pulled his fingers out of her too, which were glistening wet from her body.

"Please..." she moaned, biting her lip as she watched him.

He smiled and used his tongue heavily now. Against her clit, circling her opening. Sliding inside of her.

She'd said "please" after all.

He resumed his fingers and mouth combination not long thereafter until she couldn't even speak.

He pulled his fingers out at the perfect time; knowing exactly when, based on her body language and her murmurs of his name. And he tasted her as she came.

She kept feeling his tongue against her skin, and looked down to see probably the sexiest thing she'd ever seen. Her cum slowly ran down her skin, and partially out of his mouth.

He'd seen that through all the way to the end, that was for sure.

He kissed the soft skin on the insides of her thighs, making his way back up to her face.

What a nice journey that was. She was so perfect.

But she needed a moment before she could even remotely begin to talk to him, or move. She hadn't even moved from her position; wide open legs as she laid there exhausted on her back.

But slowly, she unbent her legs and stretched them out, before laying in a more comfortable position.

She was still panting.

"Oh..._my_ God," she whispered, looking at him.

He had kissed his way up, and now planted one on her lips with a soft smile.

"Fitz."

"Hmm?"

"Do you know...how good you are at that?" she whispered, breathing hard.

He pecked her lips once more and then her cheek, nodding at her.

"Yes...actually," he whispered back.

She laughed. "_Good_. You are...talented, baby."

"If I could do it every day, I would," he smirked, kissing his way back down her body.

"Oh God, that sounds amazing. What a...stress reliever," she giggled, letting out a big sigh.

"Good to know," he nodded, settling down and laying his head on her stomach, resting his arms on either side of her bare hips. "Next time you have a stressful tutoring session, you can just...call me."

She laughed. "Now that's an idea I can get behind."

"When's your next one?" he asked.

"Tomorrow," she answered. "I don't have a set schedule yet because I'm new, but soon I'll be able to decide which days I want to work and I'll be assigned to certain students."

"That's great, Livvie," he said happily. "And how do you like it so far?"

"I really like it! I did it back home too, I just didn't do it as often as I'm going to do now because I had another job at home. But...doing it just about part-time now will be a good way to earn some money," she nodded.

"And you're just tutoring English, for the most part?" he asked.

"Yeah. Language and Composition, editing, help with Literature essay-writing. All my favorite things," she smiled. "Although, I did qualify to tutor in almost all core subjects. So...that gives me more flexibility and opportunity to get more hours, too."

"Mmm," he replied, kissing her just below her belly button. "That's because you're fucking brilliant."

She smiled and looked at him cutely. "Well thank you, baby. How sweet of you."

"How _honest_ of me," he corrected.

He returned to kissing her skin, giving each square inch of her hips and her abdomen some attention. And she watched contently, playing with his hair while he did.

He eventually tilted his head, looking up at her with a smile.

"Whatcha thinking about, smiley?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"Just...you. And how much I love you."

She looked at him sweetly.

"Really?"

"Really," he nodded. "My mind goes there often."

She sighed contently.

"I love you too, Fitz."

"Yeah," he nodded, snuggling his head against her tummy. "I know. And that's...the best feeling. In the world."

"It is," she whispered with a smile, playing with his curls. "Indescribable."

He looked up at her and nodded in agreement. "Yes. That's _exactly_ right."

"Mhm. I get it. I'm in the same boat you are here, mister," she laughed.

"Oh, you mean the...never been in love with anyone and still have a hard time explaining everything it makes you do and feel. But...all you know is...it's...the best...boat?"

"Yes, that's the boat," Olivia nodded in agreement.

"Right. More like a...ship, if you ask me, actually," he said.

She burst into laughter.

"You're right. So are we talking like...a steamer or...a pirate ship, maybe?" she asked.

He chuckled, shaking his head at her.

"You are so funny."

"You've been telling me that since day one," she smiled.

"I've meant it since day one. And no — I'm still not smoking anything. I...don't even think it's possible. I couldn't smoke anything if I tried. And yes...I have tried. I didn't do it right. Although...maybe I should try harder, because that would probably...do wonders for my anxiety —"

Now _she_ was cracking up again.

"_You_ are the funny one," she giggled.

He shook his head. "No way. I will fight you on this."

"Oh, really? You're going to fight me, huh?" she challenged.

"Yes. Because I don't...try to be funny. I'm just awkward and I say...awkward things, and it makes you giggle. Which...by the way — I love. Because your laugh is angel-like. But you, on the other hand, are just naturally funny," he shrugged.

"Oh — this is our fight? I was expecting a little more action than that," she teased.

"Oh. More action and...less words sounds...kind of tempting to me," he noted.

Now she was laughing again.

"See!" she exclaimed.

He looked at her funny. "What?"

"You don't try to be funny and it's why you _are_. You aren't awkward. You're adorable and I love you. And I'm so glad you think I'm funny. Because like I've told you before — every time you laugh, a baby is born. So...we might as well get to the baby-making."

He chuckled, shaking his head at her.

"We seem to be excellent at that particular...activity," he nodded.

"Exquisite you might say," she agreed.

"Yes. Exquisite," he laughed.

She sighed, holding the side of his face with her hand.

"I don't want you to go."

"I won't," he said. "I'll stay here a while longer."

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Really," he nodded, intertwining his fingers with her free hand. "All I ever want to do is be with you."

* * *

"I don't know."

"You don't know what?" Fitz asked.

"I just...I want to be a team, Fitz. No matter what, we've always been a team for K, and...if we ended things, I don't know how that would work. I don't know how to do that, or if it's even possible."

"Of course it's possible. Divorced parents all over the world do it. Not every divorce is..._bad_, Mell. Not every divorce goes down like...your parents' did. We just need to move forward together. Don't you want that? Because that's what I want. And that will be good for Karen to see."

"I don't..." she sighed, putting her hands up to her face. "I don't even know how we would go about that."

She was extremely stressed out — he could see it. And he could feel it, and relate.

"We start by agreeing. Agreeing that this is what needs to happen. Things will go so much smoother from there if we're...on the same page. Things like...telling Karen, and filing the papers. Abby has already said she'd help us do it. She's done it before, for her cousin. It can go smoothly, Mellie. It really can. If we're a team. Like...we _should_ be."

She shook her head, letting out a deep sigh. He could tell she was panicking a bit inside. Yet another thing he could relate to.

"I just...I don't...I don't know how to do this, Fitz. This is all we've ever known and...this is what's worked," she said, panicked.

"Mellie. This hasn't worked," he said, as gently as possible.

_"Yes it has!_ _Yes_ it has — it worked until you went and —" she yelled. But then she realized how loud she had gotten and she cut herself off.

"Do we need to go downstairs?" he asked sternly, but quietly.

"No," she shot back. "No. I'm fine."

He sighed, but continued. "Okay, so you _think_ this has worked. But answer this — do you realistically think you could even continue this...this _sham _now? I know the answer to that question for me — but what's the answer to that for you? Because, look...you say you won't hate me forever, but sometimes I'm not so sure."

"I don't...I don't know," she said, putting her hands up to her stressed face.

"I think you do," he said. "I think you know how fucked up things are, and have been. How _we have_ made things. I think...you know what needs to happen."

_"You_ fucked them up more than I ever did!"

"Don't just blame me, Mellie. I've done things, you know I won't hide from that. But I'm not the only reason things are the way they are now," he shook his head.

"Oh, please. Give me a damn break, Fitzgerald —"

"Mommy? Daddy?"

Both of their eyes went wide and they looked toward the bedroom door, which was currently closed. But the muffled, innocent voice had come from just outside of it. She shouldn't be up, it was really late.

Jesus, who knew how much she had heard.

Fitz was nearest the door, so he eyed Mellie and they instantly lost the anger in their expressions before he opened it.

Fitz opened the door and looked down, seeing Karen looking up at him almost sadly.

"Hi, K. I'm sorry, did we wake you?" Fitz asked, crouching down.

"No," she shook her head. "My stomach did."

"Oh no. Your stomach, huh? Is it upset?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Do you think you're going to be sick?" he asked.

"I don't know. I don't think so. But...maybe?" she questioned. "It just doesn't feel good."

Mellie got out of bed concernedly and walked to her, putting the back of her hand against Karen's forehead to feel if she was warm.

"Anything else feel wrong, baby?" Mellie asked gently, adjusting her hand's position on Karen's forehead.

"No. Nothing else," Karen replied.

"Hmm. You're a little bit warm," Mellie noted. "Why don't we get you back to bed, okay? We'll take your temperature and give you some medicine."

She nodded solemnly, and Fitz stood up from his crouching position and picked her up afterward. Mellie on the other hand, went to their bathroom to grab some medicine and a thermometer.

Fitz rubbed Karen's back as they headed to her bedroom together, and she laid her head tiredly on her dad's shoulder. He knew she was probably sleepy, but he could also tell she was just not quite herself. Sad, a little off, and probably just feeling gross.

"You're okay, sweetheart," he said gently, laying her down in bed.

She reached for her covers and pushed them down as far as she could.

"Too hot?" he asked.

She nodded, looking at him as she laid her head sleepily on her pillow.

He took note of her long-sleeved pajamas and went to her dresser to grab something cooler for her to sleep in.

"Here, why don't you put these on instead, okay? They won't be so hot," he whispered, bringing a tank top and shorts for her to wear.

"Okay," she whispered back.

"I'll go refill your water for you," he said lightly, grabbing the empty water bottle by her bed.

"Thank you, dad," she said quietly.

"Of course."

He left her door slightly ajar and went to get her some nice, cold water. Extra ice, too.

He came back to Mellie sitting on the bed next to Karen, holding a thermometer up to Karen's mouth and waiting. It beeped and upon looking at it, Mellie nodded.

"Just a little fever. Not too bad," Mellie said. "We'll get you all better, okay? And the medicine will help with your stomach."

"Okay. Thank you," Karen said.

"You're welcome, K. Try to get some rest, okay? Resting is the best thing you can do. And there's a bucket down here just in case you think you're going to be sick."

Karen nodded, but looked at both of them intently.

"You were fighting," she said nervously.

Fitz's heart dropped, and he looked over at Mellie — who he could tell felt the same way as him.

Normally, this would be a scenario that they would downplay to Karen. Not outright lie — she clearly had heard. But perhaps they would attempt to brush it off.

He, instead, took the opportunity to tell the truth. Because it was what was right, and because she deserved to know.

"We were having a disagreement," Fitz nodded, looking at Karen.

"I know parents have disagreements. Like you told me, dad. But...are you supposed to have a lot? Are you supposed to...pretend that you don't?"

Mellie froze, and Fitz could remember the exact moment he felt what she was feeling now. It was so long ago, that she had said something like that to Fitz and Fitz alone. When she had brought up the instances of her parents pretending, and of all their arguments. It had only happened once, and it had about brought his world crashing down.

Of course Fitz had told Mellie many times of the incident, but she didn't take it seriously from him. Nothing was quite like hearing it firsthand from your daughter.

And now she was.

Karen took her parents' brief silence as a bad sign and started to panic. Another thing she had done the first time, too. It was very clear she knew what she was talking about — but that the topic still made her a little nervous to address.

"I'm sorry. I don't want to make you mad. I'm sorry," she said worriedly, looking between them.

"Hey, hey. No. You didn't," Fitz shook his head.

He looked to Mellie, but was afraid he wasn't going to get any help from her at the moment. She looked stunned.

"Mom and dad are...going through some things right now," Fitz nodded honestly, looking at Karen. "We don't want you to worry about it, okay? But we _are_ going to be a lot more...open, about things with you going forward."

Karen nodded slowly. "Okay."

Mellie nodded slowly in agreement. Seemingly the only thing she could do.

"Okay. Now try and get some sleep, okay? Like mom said, rest is the most important thing right now. Right?"

"Right," Karen nodded, giving them both a faint, tired smile.

"Alright. I love you," he said, squeezing her hand affectionately.

"Love you," she murmured. "Love you, mom."

"I love you so much, Karen," Mellie whispered, coming to kiss her forehead.

Fitz waited for Mellie, and then headed down the hall with her after leaving Karen's door open just slightly.

They walked into their bedroom, and he could sense the feeling in Mellie. The defeated feeling he had experienced, too.

"Mell," he said gently.

She shook her head, heading into their bathroom.

"Mellie. Hey," he said, catching up with her.

He grabbed her arm gently, turning her around to face him.

"No, I can't. I..." she said, pulling away from him and refusing to meet his eyes.

He sighed, watching her go through the same emotional pain he'd already experienced, and still experienced.

She looked at him solemnly, almost like she wanted to cry. She probably did want to.

But she didn't. Instead, she stood there, unsure of what to say. She just stood there in disbelief.

He would never be the one to say "I told you so," so he didn't really know _what_ to say in this scenario. He just tried his best.

"I know how you feel."

She swallowed hard and shook her head.

"I just...I just want to go to bed. I just...need to go to bed," she said quietly.

He did wonder if perhaps for Karen's sake, that he should stay upstairs tonight. But if she really did wake up and she found out he wasn't sleeping with Mellie, so be it. Probably something she should know anyway. It was the truth.

"Okay," he nodded. "Night."

She nodded hesitantly and looked up at him.

"Night," she responded, slowly heading to the bathroom.

He almost felt bad for her.

He knew the feeling and it wasn't a good one. And he figured she was having flashbacks to her own childhood, remembering what it was like to be in Karen's position and feeling those things.

That aspect, he couldn't relate to, and was partially why he didn't want to get on her too hard at the moment.

But he also knew that she hadn't always understood exactly the severity of what Karen had said to him months ago. She had doubted what Karen really knew and thought before now.

But clearly, there wasn't much room for doubt now, after hearing it all from Karen herself. Poor Karen, who was feeling sick and hearing her parents argue yet again.

God, this all needed to end.

And perhaps tonight, with Karen speaking up again this time in the presence of her mother — they were a little bit closer to getting there.

* * *

Fitz felt the strain in his muscles with every pushup. He felt the tension in his abdomen throughout his entire long, agonizing plank.

Planks could "step on legos," as Olivia once put it. She'd been correct about that one.

His run on the treadmill felt longer. All his weights felt heavier. _He_ felt heavier, when he repeatedly pulled himself up on the pull-up bar. Because he worked out insanely hard — while mentally working through what his next move should be with Mellie.

Maybe this was the time to capitalize, because she'd heard something she needed to hear from their own daughter. Exactly the person she needed to hear it from.

Or maybe this was the time to shut up about it all and give her a little space, because he had to admit, the feeling she was experiencing now did suck. He'd felt it all himself.

He didn't know.

Sometimes he wished there was a book out there written about what to do in situations like these. Had anyone else had a shitty marriage based on obligation — and then fallen in love with someone staying in their house — before trying to really make things right?

Probably not.

Maybe he should pitch the idea to Olivia when she became New York City's greatest book editor.

He hopped down from the pull-up bar, wiping the sweat from his face with his sweat towel.

Looking down at his sweaty self, his muscles tensed and flexed with every exhausted, deep breath.

He put his hands on top of his head, panting as he made his way slowly over to one of the mats on the floor. He slowly got down, bracing himself with his palm on the floor, and laid down, catching his breath.

That was a good workout.

He sighed, looking up at the clock and seeing that he better head upstairs pretty soon.

So after a few more minutes of rest, he grabbed his shirt and slung it over his shoulder, chugging the rest of his water as he went upstairs.

After grabbing his protein shake, he climbed the final flight of stairs to check on his little girl.

When he peeked into her bedroom he saw she was still completely passed out, which made him happy. At least for now she wasn't feeling icky.

But still, when we entered their bedroom, he gently woke Mellie up.

"Hey. Mellie," he whispered, touching her arm.

She gasped, startled at his wake up call. Probably still not used to someone else sitting in their bed at this time of morning.

"Oh — hey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just me," he said.

"You scared me. Sorry," she whispered, laying her head down. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to ask if you knew how your day was today; if you could call in or not. If Karen had a fever last night I'm assuming it's best she stays home today," he said quietly.

She nodded, sighing. "Yes. She should."

"I have a big meeting this morning. But I can call in if I need to. I just need to know now if that's the case so I can give some heads up."

She nodded, putting her palm to her face.

"Um...okay. I think it should be fine. You go, I can stay," she nodded tiredly.

"You sure?" he asked. "I can."

"Yeah. It's fine."

He nodded. "Okay. Thank you for that, Mell, I'll try and come home as early as I can. I checked on her just how; she's sleeping so I didn't want to wake her."

"Okay. That's good, at least," Mellie noted. "I'll check her temp when she wakes up."

"Okay. I'm going to...go get ready for work then. But...I'll check on her before I head out. Go back to sleep if you want, sorry I scared you," he said.

"It's okay."

He walked to the bathroom a little bit confused, but definitely not upset about how that entire interaction went down.

_Hmm_. Even the most basic of conversations seemed amazing with Mellie when there was nothing remotely insulting or negative about it.

Well, aside from the fact that their sweet daughter was ill. Poor K.

Hopefully, it was a 24-hour bug and she'd be back to her normal self tomorrow.

The hot water in the shower felt nice on his skin. He stayed in the shower a tad too long probably, but he was mentally preparing for the big day he had ahead of him, and that caused him some anxiety.

Hot water was a godsend.

He wished this morning was one where he got to see Olivia, but he was going in a little bit earlier than normal to prep, so unfortunately, he'd have to wait a few days to see her again. That always sucked.

For now, he'd have to settle for a good morning text, and texts throughout the day when both had the time.

After getting ready for his day, he looked at himself in the mirror, analyzing everything about his appearance. He approved.

He checked on Karen, who was still sleeping, he fed Hank and himself, had a cup of coffee in the process, and then was out the door. He left a feel better note for his Karen on the counter, assuring her he'd be home from work early that day.

And he made sure to keep that promise.

* * *

"Hey."

"Hey," Fitz greeted, walking in the door and removing his jacket. "How is she?"

"She's alright. Still not feeling great. Steady fever all day," Mellie informed him, as she stood by the stove.

"Hmm. Okay. What do you think? Stomach flu?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Or just a bug. It's been going around at her school, remember. She hasn't been sick yet, but she doesn't have an appetite and everything else she's experienced leads me to believe that's what she caught."

"Alright," Fitz nodded. "Is she resting now?"

"Yeah, she's napping a little before dinner. She didn't sleep well last night so I think she's exhausted, but having a hard time getting to sleep."

"Yeah. That's too bad. I feel awful for her; the flu is never fun. I'm sure she's sad about missing GT club more than anything, if I had to guess," he said.

_"Very,"_ Mellie agreed. "We had to have a little chat about how she absolutely _could not_ go, because she's contagious."

He smiled, shaking his head. "She's determined, that one. Even when she's sick."

"That she is."

He glanced at the stove, looking like she was preparing something. "You making dinner?"

"Yeah I thought...maybe we could have soup tonight. Easy on her stomach and...my mom's recipe is the best," Mellie nodded quietly.

"Yes..." he nodded. "It is. That's a great idea."

She nodded, turning back to the stove silently.

Everything about her just sounded...defeated. Though honestly, he felt like she was realizing now — that he had been right about Karen this whole time. So being genuine was the least she could do.

He appreciated that, even if she was a bit late to the party. Or..._very late._

He headed upstairs to change out of his work clothes and then worked for a while until dinner. Since he wasn't cooking tonight, he had a little extra time to get additional things done, which was good.

Unfortunately, Karen couldn't even muster up a smile when she woke up and they brought her her soup. And that was never a good thing to see as a parent. Your child, clearly not feeling great. Not their normal happy selves.

It certainly would not be one of those nights that he could get giggles out of her from tickling her. Tonight would be much more lowkey than that. All he hoped was that tomorrow she showed signs of getting better. It had been about a day, after all, so perhaps there was a chance it was just a 24-hour bug and she'd be feeling better tomorrow.

The night _was_ lowkey, that was for sure. Fitz had been able to tell since yesterday that Mellie needed her space. She was processing, which was fair. But he'd given her a day, so he figured it was okay for him to head back upstairs to talk with her later that night.

He'd already said goodnight to Karen long ago, and most definitely didn't plan on getting into any yelling matches tonight; he just wanted to see how Mellie was feeling and thinking from last night. So, he entered their bedroom.

The door was slightly open, so he pushed it further and then shut it quietly behind him, looking at Mellie in bed.

She looked tiredly up at him from her book, shaking her head.

"I was just about to go to sleep, Fitz."

He nodded. "Can we talk first, please?"

"About what?"

"You know what," he said quietly.

She sighed, looking down at the comforter sadly. "I don't want to...talk about that."

"I get that. I didn't really either. But it's not something you can just ignore, Mell."

She scratched her head, looking as if she could cry.

"I've never been...so taken aback before," she admitted.

"I know. It doesn't feel good. Hits you like a wall," he agreed.

"I don't...I don't know what to do with that, Fitz. I don't know what to do, okay?" she whimpered, putting her head in her hands.

Now he truly did feel bad. She hadn't been easy to deal with throughout all of this. She'd truthfully been a pain in his ass. Almost _all the time._

But they'd pretty much talked nonstop about this for months now, all while he knew it scared her, and she didn't want it, and _he_ was the one who'd betrayed her.

He could see all the defeat and pain right in front of him now. No anger, no disgust, nothing toward him.

Just defeat and pain.

There seemed to be a_ lot_ of pain going around this house right now.

"I think you do," Fitz said gently. "I think you know what we should do. What we need to do."

She wiped her eyes as the tears fell from, and sighed.

And for the first time now, she didn't even respond. She just sat there and cried.

Oh _shit._ Now what?

He stood there awkwardly, not knowing whether or not he should go and try to...hug her or something — or just keep his distance and comfort her from here.

They were definitely not affectionate in any way, at least _honestly_ affectionate.

But he didn't have any more time to decide what was best, because they both heard something down the hall. Karen, groaning in pain.

Fitz's lifted his head and he looked toward the door, listening closer.

Mellie wiped her face, looking worriedly up at Fitz as she listened too.

"Mom...dad..." Karen said loudly, sounding like she was trying her best to be as loud as possible but it took a lot of effort.

Fitz looked back at Mellie with a worried look, and she pulled back the covers and got out of bed immediately.

He opened the door without another word between them, and they walked quickly down the hall.

"Baby?" Mellie asked loudly, composing herself.

"Mommy. Daddy..._please_," she cried.

They opened the slightly ajar door and saw her in bed, holding her stomach.

"Hey. Hey. What's wrong, honey?" Fitz asked, right behind Mellie as they surrounded her bed.

"My stomach hurts. My stomach _hurts_," she said, crying.

"Have you been sick?" Mellie asked, sitting down on the bed. Fitz sat down on the other side, pulling her covers down.

"No. No," she shook her head frantically.

"Hmm. Okay. Hey, try to calm down, okay sweetie?" Mellie asked calmly. "Do you want me to go get you some more medicine?"

"No! It doesn't...it doesn't help. Mom, it doesn't _do_ anything," she said, sobbing now.

Fitz's heart picked up its pace, watching his daughter unable to stay still. In so much pain, and _sobbing_ now.

A dreadful thought hit him. A dreadful, very unlikely thought. But now he was panicked. Because given what he'd seen thus far, maybe it wasn't so unlikely.

"Karen, where does it hurt?" he asked.

"Here, dad. Here," she said, placing her hand on her abdomen. She wasn't able to be specific enough, so he couldn't be sure, but he placed his hand on her abdomen and her chest as Mellie felt her forehead.

"She's _burning_ up," Mellie said worriedly.

"Her heart's racing," he said, feeling the tiny fast beats beneath his hand. Her abdomen, her chest, her face — all of her skin was_ hot_, and her heart felt like it couldn't keep up.

Karen couldn't stay still. She writhed in pain, and then let out the most worrisome, loud shriek.

"Something's — wrong. It's not right. It's not right, I know it!" she shrieked, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Mom, dad, please help. Please help me — it hurts so...much. It hurts!"

"Oh God. Oh God," Fitz panicked, looking at Mellie. "I know what's wrong. I know what it is."

Mellie nodded worriedly, showing a flicker of fear in her eyes as the awful realization washed across her face, too. But when she looked at their daughter, all she showed was calmness, and not a bit of worry.

"Okay, baby, everything's going to be just fine. _Just _fine. We're going to go and get you checked out, okay?" Mellie said gently. "The doctors will make it better."

Karen couldn't even nod, she just cried uncontrollably in bed, grabbing at her abdomen.

"I'll go get my phone to call ahead and get our shoes. You grab her. Meet at your car," Mellie whispered frantically, as Fitz nodded in agreement.

Mellie raced out of the room so they could divide and conquer — hopefully so they could get out of the house as _fast_ as humanly possible.

Both were frantic inside, but Mellie had a much stronger sense of calmness wash over her as they figured out the seriousness of what was at stake. She knew what it took in an emergency like this one. She was a nurse, and dealt with it all the time. Being calm always helped.

Fitz just thanked the heavens that she was, because he was having a hard time being calm himself, since it was imperative that they get to the Emergency Room _now_.

Because both knew now, what the problem was. The problem that often masked itself as the flu, or just a simple stomach ache. _Especially_ in children, who couldn't describe the pain as anything other than an upset stomach. The symptoms were different for everybody, but the common ones were showing themselves for what they truly were. Mellie could see it now, probably cursing herself for not seeing it sooner. And Fitz was cursing himself too, because he'd gone through the same exact thing as a child, when he was only a couple years older than she was now. And he so desperately wished he had seen it.

The problem wasn't the flu, or a 24-hour bug.

The problem was her appendix.

* * *

**Alright, there you are. I gave you two chapters, but as a tradeoff, I'm leaving you on a bit of a cliffhanger. **

**I know it ended on a more scary note, but I hope you can see that otherwise, things are progressing in the right direction. And _that,_ at least, is a good thing.**

**Stay tuned.**

**Read on, **

**~T**


	25. Chaos & Change

**Hello friends, this is just a warning that this chapter does contain content related to anxiety and its symptoms. Read on, if you feel comfortable to.**

* * *

It felt like the walls were closing in on him, even though his daughter's bedroom was quite large in size. His breaths seemed to be coming out just as quickly as Karen's. And Jesus, his heart _had_ to be racing just as fast.

Because all the worst possible things were racing through his head. The awful possibilities of appendicitis.

Not his little girl. _Please_, no.

But he didn't even have _time_ for those things to race through his head. What he needed was to _not_ show what he was feeling, or thinking. Not right now, in a moment like this.

For once, he _needed_ to pretend. Pretend to be calm.

At least all parents really did do that for their children's own good sometimes.

"Heyyy, hey, honey," he said calmly, before yanking her jacket off the hook on her door only _somewhat _chaotically. "Everything's going to be okay."

Karen just about screamed in response. Yeah. He remembered that pain. She had every right.

"What's wrong with me? Dad — what's wrong with me?" she sobbed.

He quickly approached the side of her bed and held up her jacket.

"Here, come on, let's get you up, honey. We're gonna put this on so you don't freeze," he said, lifting her slowly from her laying position.

She groaned loudly in pain, allowing him to quickly put on her jacket.

"I know, baby, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he apologized.

He didn't bother to take time to zip it, he just didn't think the chilly winter air on her bare arms was going to feel good, even with such a high fever.

He saw her volleyball sweatpants draped on her bowl chair in the corner, and thought that would be an easy slip-on over her pajama shorts.

"One second, one second, honey," he said, speedily going to grab them.

He started to slip her sweats on, leg by leg, and carefully stood her up so he could pull them up completely. She let out another groan in pain.

"Alright. I'm sorry, K. Come here, I won't do anything else to make it hurt more," he assured her, leaning in.

He scooped her up, holding her upper back in one arm and her legs in the other. She wrapped an arm around his neck, sniffling as the tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Daddy, _please_ tell me what's wrong with me," she sobbed again.

"Oh, sweetheart. You're going to be just fine, I promise," he assured her. "I think...your appendix is just...like daddy's was."

She looked at him worriedly, eyes widening as he walked as quickly as he could down the hall. "My appendix?"

"I think so, sweetie. _Mell?!"_ he yelled, trying to locate her.

He heard her voice and keys jingling, so he figured she was on the phone near the entryway.

He carefully walked down the stairs, trying not to make it too bumpy for Karen. She still whimpered in pain, leaning her head against her dad's chest.

"Why is my appendix...so mad at me?" she sniffled. "Appendixes don't even — _do_ anything, I learned it in...in Miss Zeagler's class —"

He chuckled internally. Only his daughter would take the opportunity to spew knowledge.

He nodded. "We're going to figure that out, okay? I promise, we'll get you _all_ better."

"My heart. It's...it's beating so fast," she said worriedly.

"I know. Just try and take slow breaths, okay?" he said, nodding at her.

She nodded back, tears running down her cheeks.

He rounded the corner and carefully, but quickly, made his way to the back entryway, where Mellie was waving him along while on the phone.

She pointed to his pair of easier slip-on shoes that she'd laid out for him as she frantically ended her phone call and he nodded thankfully.

They were out the door in record time — about three minutes.

"They know we're coming," Mellie said, getting into the backseat.

"Okay — okay. Here, sweetie, mommy's going to sit with you, okay?" he asked, sitting her down as gently as he could into the backseat.

She cried in pain, as it appeared the pain just grew worse and worse by the minute.

"I know, honey. I know," Mellie said, looking down at her sadly, buckling her seatbelt for her.

"Fitz, are you sure you don't want me to drive?" Mellie asked.

"Yeah, I...I got it," he yelled.

Fitz raced around the car, trying to adjust his feet in the actual correct position in his shoes so he could drive.

He already felt absolutely freezing as he was wearing only a T-shirt and shorts, and had prioritized Karen's outer clothing over his own. It appeared Mellie had too, as both were in comfy clothes they normally wore at night — _not_ for the outdoors. Both had prioritized doing whatever it took to get Karen out of the house as quickly as possible.

"Are you both strapped in?" Fitz asked frantically, his hand shaking slightly as he pulled his seat belt over his lap.

"Yes," Mellie answered. "You're sure, Fitz?"

"Yes," he answered, looking over his shoulder as he backed out of their garage.

Now was _not_ the time to freak out. He couldn't. If there was any sort of control he had, which was minimal, he forced himself to exert it now. Because he simply had no choice. This was his daughter. And it was his job to get her to the hospital safely as her father. He distracted himself with the road as Karen groaned in pain. His brain, unfortunately, remembered aspects of his own appendicitis. Probably not the greatest thing to be thinking about, but he couldn't help it. And it probably was, at least, a source of distraction.

His appendix had ruptured, because his mom hadn't caught it in time. And it hadn't taken very long in the grand scheme of things, which made matters worse. It took about a day, similar to Karen's situation. A day of what felt like a stomach ache, and some nausea among other things. A day of symptoms that resembled the flu. The flu could normally have symptoms that lasted a week, perhaps longer. Nobody ever suspected a day's worth of symptoms to be something as serious as this could be. But oh man, was he blaming himself, and _only_ himself, for not noticing. For not putting the pieces together.

Based on the pain Karen was clearly feeling, he figured hers had already ruptured, or was about to. And that was dangerous. It left the door open to so many infections from the rupture, and even possible conditions afterward.

It's why he was driving about as fast as he could. Carefully, but _fast._

Meanwhile, Mellie was calmly assuring their daughter in the back seat. Holding her, as Karen was leaning into her mother in pain.

"I know. I know, honey. It won't last forever. I promise. You won't be in pain soon, okay?" Mellie said quietly, hugging her tightly.

"But...what are they...gonna do...to make it stop?" Karen sobbed, looking at her mom worriedly. "What will they do...to me?"

"I can't know for sure until they check you out, baby. But they'll do what they need to in order to make you feel better, okay?" Mellie said calmly.

Karen took it in, and started to breathe faster in worry. "Daddy has a scar...on his tummy. Will that happen...to me...too?"

Karen was never one to like the doctor's office much. Then again, who really did. But she _really_

wasn't a fan of even her yearly check-ups. So thinking about what scary things may happen to her at the doctor's office probably wasn't exactly assuring in the eyes of an afraid child. But she was beginning to hyperventilate, and that never helped anything either. He knew from experience.

He looked in the rearview mirror and caught her eyes. "Hey, hey. Baby. Try and slow down your breaths, okay? Remember what we do?"

She cried, nodding at him.

"Good. Tell me what we do," he said, hoping to distract her.

"Take a break...take a breath," she recounted. She visibly was trying to calm herself down, he could see it.

"That's right, that's good," he nodded. "It will help if we slow our breaths, okay? Don't think about anything else. Just your breaths."

Karen inhaled deeply, as the tears ran down her face, and Mellie nodded.

"There you go. Good job, good job," she said, rubbing her back.

Oh, so much for a little girl to handle. Excruciating pain. Fever. Racing heart. Fear. And trying to calm down from all of it. That was a lot easier said than done, so he was proud she seemed to really get her breaths under control.

She was wheezing with every breath, but they did become less heavy, and they slowed down. That, at least, was good. But her whimpers of pain didn't stop. They just got worse as they neared the hospital.

He was scared. _So fucking scared._ And he saw the fear in Mellie's eyes too, in the rearview mirror. Fear neither of them would show to Karen, but the unfortunate truth was that it couldn't be helped.

It felt like a miracle when they finally pulled into the ER, parking in the nearest spot they could to the entrance.

Both he and Mellie quickly unbuckled their seat belts and he raced to their side of the car, opening the back door for them.

"Alright, here we go, K," Mellie said, gently helping her up.

She was still crying, groaning as moving just made things worse.

"You're okay. Come here, baby," he said, grabbing her hand as her breathing started quickening again.

"Dad...," she whimpered, looking at him with a strained face. He could see all the pain written across it.

And then her eyes rolled back, and her hand went limp in his.

His eyes went wide. "Karen? Kar—"

She collapsed right into his arms as both parents were trying to gently and quickly get her out of the car.

"Oh — _fuck," _Fitz said, gathering her in his arms.

Mellie gasped, taking note of her limp state as Fitz hauled her unconscious body up onto his shoulder as gently as he could. He rested her on one side, so her face naturally laid on his shoulder.

"Karen?" Mellie asked nervously.

"She's out — she just passed out," Fitz replied in fear, opening the door further for Mellie.

"Oh God," Mellie replied, getting out of the car. "Oh God."

"I got her, I got her, let's go," he said, panicked, pulling back to look at his daughter.

She at least looked peaceful now. Eyes closed, completely out cold on his shoulder. Her small body not able to handle all the pain.

At least she wasn't feeling pain currently.

Both he and Mellie were shivering by the time they reached the entrance to the building — both not wearing a coat of any kind. Karen was much more covered up, so even though she was passed out, she at least wouldn't wake up freezing, hopefully.

As soon as they got inside, Mellie ran up to the check-in desk, telling her that she'd called ahead about their daughter. She gave the details as Fitz sped walked with Karen in his arms not far behind.

The look on his face as he carried his unconscious daughter in his arms was one that the ER nurses and doctors had probably seen on hundreds and hundreds of parents throughout their careers.

_Please help my child._

It was a whirlwind of activity around them. Paperwork was being dealt out. The nurses were nodding, some people were walking and running past them — all dealing with emergencies of their own.

Karen's was, indeed, an emergency that needed _immediate_ attention because of the many possibilities of further infection, so, fortunately, the nurses were quick to take them to an exam room.

Karen was out through all of it. Which, may have been a good thing, because Fitz and Mellie were a collective ball of worry and stress as they waited impatiently for the doctor to enter their exam room.

He had laid Karen down on the padded table, bending her knees so that her legs were somewhat elevated. Both him and Mellie held on to her, waiting for both her to wake up, and for the doctor to come in.

She awoke first.

Her eyes flickered open and it was like the pain hit her like a steel wall all over again.

She immediately grimaced and clutched at her stomach.

"Hey, sweet girl. You're okay. You're alright," Fitz assured her, rubbing her legs as she laid there.

She looked a little confused — probably wondering how she had gone from being in the car to being on a padded table in a doctor's office.

She started sitting up, looking at both of her parents with worry.

"Woah, woah, hey, take it easy, honey. Let's wait before we sit —"

She sat up suddenly and leaned over, emptying the contents of her stomach all over the floor.

Mellie gasped, looking down at the floor between both her and Fitz.

Thankfully the floor bore the brunt of it, rather than Fitz or Mellie, though that wasn't their first concern at all.

"Ohhh — shit. Okay. Okay, honey, here, let's lay back down," Fitz said, rubbing her back and laying her back down.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," she mumbled in pain. "I couldn't — I didn't know that was going to happen."

"That's okay, sweetheart, it happens," Mellie assured her, grabbing her a tissue. "Here, do you want to wipe your mouth?"

Karen nodded gratefully and wiped her mouth, still clutching at her stomach in pain.

"That was...so gross," she murmured, as the tears began to flow again. "What...happened? I feel...so dizzy."

Mellie threw away the tissue and squeezed her hand. "You fainted, honey. But you're okay. The doctor will be here any minute to help."

And _thank God_ — the door opened.

"Apologies for the wait — I got here as quickly as I could," the doctor said, nodding at Fitz and Mellie.

"Hi Shelly," Mellie greeted.

"Hi there, Mellie," she said, nodding sympathetically at her. "And Fitz, it's good to see you again."

Fitz cleared his throat and nodded. "Yes. You too, Shelly."

"I'm so sorry it has to be under these circumstances, though. I hear miss Karen is having some appendicitis symptoms," the doctor said empathetically, looking at Karen.

"Yes, for about...26 hours now," Mellie nodded. "We should have...caught this sooner."

"You caught it very fast in comparison to many other cases, believe me. It's _hard_ to catch, as you know. The symptoms are textbook flu symptoms. Which ones has Karen been experiencing?" the doctor asked.

"Really bad abdominal pain, fever, racing heart. She passed out when we got here and...was just sick," Fitz said, gesturing to the floor.

"Oh, dear. I'm so sorry you're not feeling well, Karen," the doctor said, stepping her way around to the front of the padded table. "I'm doctor Bauer and I promise, we'll find out what's going on, okay?"

"Okay," Karen whimpered, wiping her tear-soaked face.

"Your parents are going to fill out some paperwork while I check some things out," she said gently. "Give me one moment, I'm going to have someone come in and clean things up and I'll be _right_ there. Okay?"

Karen nodded, trying to put on a brave face. Doctor Bauer did indeed have someone come in and clean up the floor, thank goodness. And from there, it was clear the doctor wanted to get things done as fast as she could to offer Karen some much-needed relief.

Karen's face grew anxious as the doctor began to put on a clean pair of rubber gloves.

Fitz and Mellie did have to take care of the standard paperwork, but each was keeping a close eye on their daughter to make sure she was alright.

They could tell by her facial expressions that she was both nervous and in so much pain — only now, she had to actually be attentive as the doctor applied pressure to, and felt around her abdomen. Feeling for muscle stiffness, narrowing in on the specific location of pain.

But unfortunately, quick physical exams — while very informative — weren't enough to take next steps.

She explained to Fitz and Mellie that she would do a brief blood test to analyze Karen's white blood cell count, which would detail the extent and presence of infection. She also explained that she was going to do an ultrasound in order to confirm that this was, indeed, her appendix before they could go further. The next step was very likely going to be an appendectomy, so proof was needed before they jumped right into the Operating Room.

Doctor Bauer left the room, only for a nurse to come back and take Karen's blood. At that point, Fitz and Mellie had finished with the paperwork detailing all of their information, including important details about Karen's medical history. So, they were able to be at her side when they took blood.

That was also not a very pleasant experience for her.

"You don't have to look," Mellie said, squeezing her free hand.

Karen nodded squeezing her eyes shut during the process.

When Doctor Bauer came back, she brought equipment for an ultrasound and explained to Karen as she prepped her.

"What we're going to do now is what's called an ultrasound," Doctor Bauer said to Karen. "It will show us what's going on in there so we can have full confidence in what's going to be best for you, because everyone is different."

Karen nodded, looking to her parents who were standing on either side of her, each holding onto one of her hands.

"We're going to put this gel on your tummy, and then with this, here, we'll be able to see what's going on in there. Okay? It won't hurt at all, I promise," doctor Bauer said.

Karen nodded, tears streaming down her face.

She had held it together pretty well since they'd been in the exam room, that was for sure. She hadn't made so much as a peep; she'd just held her abdomen in pain and cried silently. The sniffles were the only audible sound. She was a little trooper, that was for sure.

She did start to panic, though, when they were able to confirm with an ultrasound that appendicitis _was_ the problem. They were all pretty sure beforehand; it wasn't a surprise to either Fitz or Mellie at this point. But now that they had the confirmation they needed, things moved forward.

And they moved _quickly. _

Karen started to breathe fast as it was made clear to her what was going to happen next. Surgery.

She was given antibiotics for infection, and prepped for an appendectomy.

Fitz and Mellie tried to keep her mind off of it as best they could, promising her everything would be okay. She wouldn't remember much of this, and when she woke up, they'd be with her. Her pain wouldn't be nearly as bad, and this would all be over with.

"They're going to do what they did to you," Karen whimpered, looking up at her dad. "They're going to cut it out. It will leave a mark, like...like your mark."

"It will," Fitz nodded honestly. "But you know what? You won't have to worry about this _ever _again. This will make it all better. Just like dad was all better afterward, too."

Karen's look wasn't exactly an assuring one, but they didn't have much more time for them to make her feel completely ready for something like this. Things had to move as quickly as possible, so they had to take her to an OR, and they all had to say their goodbyes.

"Okay, hey. Hey, everything's going to be okay, baby. We'll see you soon, okay?" Fitz asked, kissing her hand a couple times.

Karen was crying harder now, looking at her parents uncertainly. It was not a fun look to see on your child's face. One that seemed to say "why are you letting them do this to me?" She was young, and she was afraid of the doctors, to begin with. She'd realize later that this was what needed to happen, but for now, the fear was very understandable.

"Daddy and I will see you soon, okay?" Mellie said, squeezing Karen's hand.

"Okay," she sniffled.

"We love you. We love you so much," Fitz said.

"So much," Mellie agreed.

"Love you," Karen cried, wiping her face.

"We'll take good care of her. We'll keep you updated," Doctor Bauer assured Fitz and Mellie, as they started rolling Karen's bed away.

Fitz and Mellie nodded, having to let go now. They reluctantly let go of Karen's hands, giving her encouraging thumbs-up as she was brought away. That would likely be one the last things she'd remember, because she'd be given anesthesia and from there would be out, and wouldn't remember anything.

Fitz and Mellie were left there in the hallway of the hospital, unsure of what was going to happen now. It was a comfort that she was in the best of hands now, and the problem was going to be dealt with. But it was also a very scary situation.

When an appendix ruptured, it leaked dangerous bacteria into the abdomen. On top of the infection that is likely already there — the infection that caused the inflammation in the first place — it can lead to much more infection. Much more dangerous infection. It could be fatal in some cases.

They couldn't be sure of all of the potential damage until surgery, so there was a lot that was unknown as of now. All they knew was that there was sign of an infection beforehand, which had caused the blockage, and the swelling of her appendix.

It was a lot. Being uncertain about how an extremely serious surgery would go for your child wasn't an assuring feeling. And now that there weren't any distractions — no driving here, no paperwork, no comforting Karen — both of them were left there alone having to deal with it all at once. Both were now met with silence for the first time tonight, grappling with things internally.

It was too much. Too much for both of them. Mellie was good at outwardly displaying calmness, even when it wasn't what she felt inside. She had that down pat. But now she was able to let her guard down. Now, it all hit her at once, not having to put on a show for anyone. And her tears came.

As for Fitz, he didn't even try to stop thinking. Normally he would at least attempt to pull himself out of it. Get out of his own head and distract himself with other things. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. He couldn't help what happened either way. But this time, his brain felt overloaded. He drowned in fear and worry, and he didn't even bother to pull himself out of it as the awful possibilities flashed through his mind.

His breathing started to become uneven, and he squeezed his eyes shut in defeat. He slowly sank down to the floor, putting his hands up to his head.

The one thing he _had_ felt all this time, was his heart racing. He swore it had been racing since he realized the problem in Karen's bedroom. He had just been able to focus on other things since then. But not now.

Impossibly, it actually seemed to race faster.

He was so dizzy now, so thank God he was about to sit down. But Mellie noticed him sinking down to the floor through her nervous tears.

"Oh — no, no, no. Fitz. Hey," Mellie said, trying to catch his arm. But he pulled away, sitting down and resting his elbows on his knees. He covered his face as the breathing turned into wheezing. Similar to what Karen had almost started to do nervously in the car, only on a much worse scale.

He barely felt Mellie sit down next to him. His skin tingled and felt numb, but he knew she had sat down.

"Fitzgerald," Mellie said, her voice sounding muffled in his ears.

He didn't care. He let himself feel it all. He felt like he deserved it anyway. He should have known. He should have caught this. And if he would have, this wouldn't be nearly as serious as it was now. The faster it's caught, the better.

"Slow it down, Fitz. Slow it down," Mellie nodded gently, resting her hand on his arm.

He heard her distant voice as he panted, hiding his face from the world. The thumping of his heart echoing throughout his body.

Mellie had dealt with so many of his attacks throughout their marriage, so this was not nearly anything new. Although, it had been a while since she'd seen one firsthand. Unfortunately, Olivia had borne the brunt of all his attacks recently.

He wished she was here. He wanted to feel her touch. Hear her voice. But that wasn't an option. Instead, he faintly heard Mellie's voice trying to pull him out of it.

And this attack was bad. _Much_ worse than his recent ones had been.

"You know what to do, Fitzgerald. You can do it."

His pants grew shaky and he clutched his empty fists against his forehead.

_Pull it the fuck together._

He actively tried to calm down. Slow his breaths, as he had successfully advised with Karen. Following his _own_ dad's advice, as he always attempted to. Take a break, take a breath. A _slow_ breath, to try and break the cycle of unsteady wheezing and panting.

Even his active effort didn't always work. These things were beyond his control most of the time. But he finally did start to calm down.

He started to regain feeling in his fingers and he opened his eyes, feeling a little less dizzy.

"I should have...known. I should...have fucking known," he said quietly, taking deep breaths.

"Shhh," Mellie shook her head. "One thing at a time. Breathe."

She was right. She really was. He nodded in agreement and worked at it. Pulled himself together.

"Sorry. Sorry," he said quietly, shaking his head.

"Don't apologize," she replied. "And do _not _beat yourself up about this. _I'm_ the one who should have...realized. _I _should have known."

She wasn't crying anymore. She'd pulled herself together, too. But he could see the shame all over her face.

"No," he shook his head. "You're not the one who...who felt exactly what she was feeling. I went through this...same fucking thing. And I...didn't see it. I fucking...didn't think anything of it."

"And I've _seen_ it_, _Fitz," she said, looking at him sadly. "I've seen the common signs..._hundreds_ of times. And I didn't put it together. The flu is going around her school and...I let that sway me. This is my fault. _All_ my fault."

"It's not," he shook his head. "You know it's...difficult to diagnose this. Specifically with...kids. They don't know how to...describe it. It looks like the flu in...every single possible way, like Shelly said. This is not — your fault."

Mellie shook her head, sighing disappointedly. "It feels like it is."

He nodded, looking into the distance at the boring hallway wall. "Yeah. It feels like it...for me, too."

"An agreement between _us?_ That's interesting, isn't it," Mellie noted.

He scoffed, but gave her a brief chuckle. "Yes. Very rare."

She took a deep breath, looking over at him.

"She's going to be okay."

He nodded back, swallowing nervously. "Yeah. I hope so. I...I think so, too."

"She...will be. She has to be. She's strong."

"I know she is," he agreed. "She's put up one hell of a fight."

"She has. The pain must be..._unbearable. _Passing out — that's not a common symptom," Mellie said. "My assumption is that was...merely pain-related. She was fighting so hard."

"Yeah. The pain is...excruciating. I passed out too, actually. When it got bad enough," he replied. "Luckily for my mother, we were already...inside the hospital when I went down, because she definitely couldn't have carried my 12-year-old self."

"I guess we're lucky our daughter is ten and...very light."

"Yes," he agreed, scratching his head.

"Oh, dear. Is medical attention needed over here?" a worried voice said.

"Probably," Fitz sighed, looking up at the woman who had just stopped to look down at them worriedly.

He was...mostly kidding.

"Oh, my goodness, Mellie?" she asked.

"Oh, hi Liz," Mellie greeted, trying to give her apparent coworker a faint smile.

"What are you two doing here? Are you both alright?" Liz asked.

"Our daughter was just taken in for surgery. An appendectomy," Mellie said solemnly. "We're just a little...shaken up. And my husband..."

"Just...freaked out on the floor of the ER wing, yes," Fitz nodded tiredly. "Nice to meet you. Fitz."

"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. And I'm so sorry I'm meeting you under these circumstances," she said, reaching down and shaking his hand.

His hand was still shaking as he greeted the nurse.

_Great, now you look like even more of a whackjob._

He cleared his throat, nodding awkwardly as he pulled his unsteady hand back.

"Very unfortunate circumstances," he agreed quietly.

She seemed to study him, and analyzing things.

He forced himself to appear as normal as possible, even though he was sure he didn't look remotely normal after all of that. He sure _felt_ like crap afterward, so he could only assume he usually looked the part too.

"This is Liz North, she's a doctor here," Mellie said.

"Oh, that's awesome," Fitz nodded.

"What about you, Liz? Why are you here?" Mellie asked worriedly.

"It's my dad. He...fell, in the middle of the night trying to get to the bathroom. And unfortunately, he broke his wrist," Liz said.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," Mellie replied, giving her an encouraging look.

"That's awful. How is he doing?" Fitz asked.

"He's okay. He's insisting that he's fine and it's just a 'scratch'," Liz said, shaking her head. "He's pretty tough."

"I hope all goes well with his recovery," Fitz nodded.

"Yes, many well wishes to your dad," Mellie agreed.

"And to your daughter, too," Liz said. "Well, I won't keep you, I know you're probably stressed out. I just wanted to make sure you were both alright."

"Thank you, Liz," Mellie nodded gratefully.

"Thank you," Fitz echoed.

She nodded politely and left them to themselves again. Fitz was finally _truly_ getting a handle on himself as he let out a big sigh.

"I'm going to go call my mom," Fitz said quietly, getting up. "Or...at least text her, if she's asleep."

"Okay. Are you sure you're alright?" Mellie asked. "That was...that was a really bad one, Fitz."

"Yeah. I'm fine," he nodded, clearing his throat. "Well. As...fine as I can be, I guess."

"Yeah," she agreed. "Okay. Well, I'm going to call my mom and Harmony, too. Just...take it easy, though, Fitz."

He nodded, before heading toward the waiting room to have a little more privacy. He was going to reach out to his mom, that was for sure. But he also was desperate to talk to Olivia, too.

He found a quieter spot near the vending machines and took out his phone, dialing his mom's number.

She picked up after a few rings, answering worriedly.

"Hello?"

"Hey, mom," Fitz answered. "I'm sorry if I woke you."

"Hi, son. That's alright. Is everything okay? It's late," she said.

"Yeah, I know, I apologize about that. I just uh...I just wanted to call you; it's important. It's K, she...she was having these symptoms that we thought were flu symptoms and it turns out they were...far from it. It was her appendix, just like...like mine. So she's in surgery right now."

Jean gasped.

"What? Oh my God. Oh...oh dear. Is she okay? How was she holding up before surgery? Have you heard any updates?" Jean asked.

Fitz shook his head, hearing her worries rapid-fire questions.

"No. No updates yet. But...she was brave. She was fighting off a lot of pain. A _lot_ of pain. I know just how much. So I know...she's going to be just fine. Because she's strong."

"Well, I know that's true. Just like her daddy," Jean replied.

He sighed. "Her daddy's hands are still shaking. Not sure if strong is the best word to describe me right now."

Jean sighed sadly. "Did you have one, son?"

"Yeah. But that is the _least_ of my concerns right now."

"Well, maybe not, but it's no surprise, my boy. Your daughter just went into emergency surgery. This is one of the most stressful situations out there, you most definitely get a pass," Jean replied.

"No. I don't, mom. Because it's my fucking fault she's even in the position she's in," he sighed, putting his hand to his head.

But he instantly regretted blowing up at his sweet mother. He shook his head, clutching his hair. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to...I'm sorry mom."

"Fitzgerald. You don't have to apologize for your language, and you don't get to insinuate that you're not strong. What happened to you tonight and what happens to you every so often — it isn't a display of weakness. What you deal with on _top_ of being a human being enduring this...well, _terrible_ world, makes you _strong_. You are the strongest person I know. So don't ever suggest otherwise because of something you're forced to deal with and can't control."

Fitz nodded in surprise, not expecting to hear all that right now. "Um...well. Thank you..."

"And last of all, you do _not_ get to blame yourself for this. You know more than anyone how the symptoms present themselves. Especially in little kids. You _know_ that. Now, I'm on my way. You sit tight."

It sounded as if she'd knocked something over in an attempt to get up and get ready.

"What? Mom, no. I just thought you should know, I didn't mean for you to get up and come here. It's...past one in the morning."

"I could care less what time it is — my granddaughter is in surgery. I'll be there as fast as I can."

Fair enough.

"Yeah. Right. Um...okay, just let me know when you're here and I'll come walk you in," he nodded.

"Will do, I'll see you soon. Now you _call_ me if there are any updates, okay?"

"Yes. I will," he nodded.

"Okay. Bye, son."

"Bye, mom," he replied, hanging up the phone.

He quickly pulled his phone away, looking down at it as he got ready to call Olivia now.

He wasn't sure whether she would pick up either, figuring she would also be asleep. He just wanted to try, because he knew she would want to know."

It took her a few rings as well, but she answered with a sleepy voice.

"Baby?"

"Hey, Livvie. I'm _so_ sorry to wake you. I just...I'm sorry. I just...needed to hear your voice, and...I needed to tell you what's going on."

"What time is it? What's...what's wrong?" she asked, yawning.

"It's Karen," Fitz said quietly. "We're at the hospital right now because...well, she has appendicitis, and is...in surgery."

The phone was silent for a moment as Olivia tiredly took in this important information.

"Wait. _What?_ Like...like exactly what you had? She's in the...oh my God. Is she okay? What're the doctors saying?"

All the women in his life with these rapid-fire questions. He really couldn't blame them though.

"I don't have any updates yet, she just recently went into surgery. She was...in a _lot_ of pain, but she won't be anymore. I'm just...so happy she won't be anymore."

"Oh my God. Oh my God," Olivia said nervously. "So...when she had the flu..."

"...It wasn't really the flu," Fitz nodded in agreement.

Olivia sighed. "Oh my God. Thank you for telling me. Thank you, I just...I'm so sorry. I'm _so_ sorry, Fitz. How are you doing with all of this? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Fitz nodded.

"How have you been...I mean, have you handled it alright?" she asked worriedly. "That's...just not a good situation _at all_."

"Yeah, I...I kind of lost my shit if that's what you're asking," he nodded. "Managed to keep it together and distract myself until after Karen was in surgery, which was...a positive, I guess."

Olivia sighed. "Baby. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't...I'm just so sorry."

"It's okay, Livvie. I don't care about that, I just...I just need updates. I just need _her_ to be okay."

"She'll be okay. She'll...pull through. She's such a strong girl," Olivia said shakily.

He could tell she was scared, herself, but trying to reassure him. He understood, and he was thankful.

"Thanks, Liv," he said quietly. "That's what we've been saying, too. She's strong."

"Is there...is there anything I can do? How can I help?" she asked.

He exhaled, adjusting his phone against his ear as he leaned against the wall.

"You could just...stay on the phone with me for a minute," he said. "I just want to...be here with you."

"I can do that," Olivia said.

"I'm here, Fitz. Always."

* * *

All he could do was pace. Pace the halls and the waiting room, trying not to get in anyone's way. Trying to keep calm.

He and Mellie had had multiple cups of coffee so far, to help them stay awake. Not that they would be able to sleep anyway, but it was still the middle of the night and their bodies weren't used to that.

He texted Olivia throughout, trying to be somewhat discrete because he was with Mellie the whole time, and eventually, her mom and sister, too, because they lived so close and were able to wake up and head right there. They were just as worried about their little K.

But it served as a distraction for him, texting Olivia. And it made him feel better. So he really didn't care about much else, because it wasn't a good night. And anything to help — he'd take it.

There was no way Olivia would be going back to sleep — she'd said as much. At least until she had more information. She was nervous and just wanted updates now, so he promised he would give her every crumb of news he received.

It was agonizing. The nerves and the caffeine raced through everyone's systems as they waited for any update. Any bit of news.

It took a little over an hour for Karen's surgery to be complete. But it felt so much longer than that.

Everyone waited and waited for the surgeon to come out and talk to them. And finally, it happened.

And finally, they could all breathe a little easier.

Because Karen's surgery had gone well, and they had been able to prevent further infection from the rupturing of her appendix.

It felt like a physical weight had been lifted from Fitz's shoulders.

_She was going to be okay._

They couldn't see her yet, though, because she was in the recovery room. She would be there for a while, all depending on how quickly she woke up from the anesthesia and how she felt afterward. But she would be carefully monitored by nurses for any post-surgery complications, so she would be in good hands.

The doctors were quick to assure both Fitz and Mellie, who clearly were highly blaming themselves for everything. They were assured that this was in _no way_ anyone's fault. It was very common, and nobody, no matter what, assumed the worst like this, when faced with normal, basic flu-like symptoms.

Both were still upset with themselves, no doubt. Both having their own reasons for blaming themselves. But hearing assurance from surgeons didn't hurt the situation. Hopefully, they could take steps to forgive themselves at some point.

Afterward, he, of course, had to call his mom and give her the good news. She was still on her way, but more than halfway there.

He was desperate to call Olivia, too, but he was sitting with Mellie and her family, and calling her with them wouldn't be as normal as calling his mother in front of them.

So, he rapidly tried to text her as he sat next to Mellie, while her mom and sister were on the other side of her, chatting amongst themselves.

He clearly wasn't hiding it very well, as Mellie seemed to know what was up.

He was talking with Mellie at the same time, and his phone was blowing up.

She nodded toward his phone quietly. "Just go, Fitz."

He shook his head. "Sorry. I'm just...I've just been trying to..."

"Keep her updated. I know. I know she loves her. And I know Karen loves her too. So go. Update her."

Fitz studied Mellie confusedly, but saw nothing but genuine eyes looking back at him.

He nodded, flashing her a genuine look back, and took a quick break from all the family time to go update the one woman he desperately wanted to talk to.

And he told her the good news.

"_Oh_ thank God. Thank God," Olivia said gratefully. "Thank you for calling to tell me, I've just been...sitting here in the dark, waiting. I know you're probably busy there, so...seriously, baby, thank you for calling me."

"Of course. I was actually...um, encouraged to call you. By Mellie. Which...I wasn't expecting."

"Wait...really?"

"Yeah. I was trying to find the right time to come and call you because Mellie's sister and mom are here. But she's seen me fidgeting with my phone I guess, and...told me to just go update you. So...here I am."

"Well...thank you, Mellie?" Olivia said surprisedly.

"Yeah. I'll uh...I'll take it, though," he said.

"Me too. I just wish...I could be there. In person. To be there for K, and...for you," she said sadly.

He sighed. "I know. I wish that more than anything. And I know K would love it too. I'm just..."

"No, no, baby, I know. Lots of family there, it's not my place at all. I just miss her and wish she knew I was thinking of her," Olivia replied.

Fitz nodded, his heart sinking at the thought that she felt helpless. Sitting there in the dark, alone, waiting for updates but knowing she couldn't be there for real.

Fitz shook his head. "I'll...I'll figure something out, okay? I will. I promise. In the meantime, do you think you can try and get some more sleep?"

"Maybe. I've been wide awake since you first called. But now...I feel so much better. I'll try," Olivia replied.

"Okay, baby. Any more updates and I'll let you know. I'll be in touch, okay?" Fitz said.

"Okay," Olivia said. "Thank you for keeping me in the loop. It means a lot to me."

"Of course. I love you, try and get some sleep."

"I will. I love you too," she said.

"Night, Livvie."

"Night."

He hung up, heading back to the waiting room where Mellie and his in-laws were still chatting.

It wasn't fair Olivia wasn't here. Everyone else close to Karen that loved her was here, or would be here at some point. Olivia was no different. But obviously, he didn't think anyone else would see it as he did.

He didn't care. He'd told Olivia he'd figure something out, and he would.

Mellie gave him a subtle nod as he sat back down next to her, joining in on their conversation. Trying to pass the time until Karen was out of the recovery room and back in a room of her own where they could finally see her.

Jean finally texted him that she was there, so Fitz excused himself again to go meet her by the door.

They hugged for a long time upon first seeing each other. Jean stood on her tiptoes and patted his back affectionately as he held his tiny mother in an embrace.

"How are you doing, son?" Jean asked.

"Good. Better now that...she's alright. I just want to see her," he replied.

"Good. I'm so glad she's alright, too," Jean nodded.

She pulled away, looking at him, concerned.

"My boy, you must be freezing in this," Jean said.

He looked down at his gym shorts and T-shirt and shrugged. "I didn't have time to change."

Jean shook her head, rubbing his arm. "Well, we'll just have to drink some coffee to warm you up then."

"Yeah, I think I'm on my third cup now," he chuckled. "Come on, we'll go get you some too."

"Alright then," Jean nodded, taking his arm.

He led her to the waiting area with everyone else, and she was quick to show her support with lots of hugs.

He went and got her a cup of coffee how she liked it and brought it back to her. And thus began the next round of waiting.

Thankfully, by that point, they didn't need to wait that much longer until Karen was out of the recovery room.

They were all quick to make their way to her room, where she would have to stay for at least one night, according to the nurses.

They'd also let everyone know that she was still a bit sleepy, but had already been asking for her mom and dad.

Mellie opened the door to her room and she and Fitz went in first by themselves, as not to overwhelm her with everyone that was there in support of her.

She was sleepy and had just gotten out of surgery, after all. Plus, it was after three in the morning.

Her eyes were closed as they entered the room. Her hair all pulled back into one French braid from the night before, with a few baby curls not cooperating. Her little hands on top of the covers, resting there peacefully.

She was so much more peaceful. The pain had been decreased drastically. And that brought peace to her parents, too.

"K?" Mellie asked quietly, as she and Fitz made their way to her bed.

She stirred, opening her eyes slowly at the sound of her mother's voice.

A soft smile spread across her cute face, and she looked at them with tired eyes.

"Mommy. Daddy."

"Hi there, sweet girl," Fitz said, grabbing her hand.

"Is it still night time?" Karen asked, looking around.

They both nodded back.

"It feels like...it's been forever. I barely remember anything past...before they took me away from you. They said they were going to count down from ten...I tried to count with them. But I must not have done a very good job, because I only remember getting to eight," she wondered aloud.

They both laughed and nodded.

"That's how anesthesia works. It makes you go to sleep _really_ fast," Mellie nodded. "How are you feeling, honey?"

"My stomach feels...kind of sore. But it is so much better than before," Karen whispered, squeezing both of their hands.

"That's _so_ good to hear," Fitz said, sitting down beside her. "We're so glad you're feeling better."

"And we're so sorry this happened. We wish we would have understood what this was sooner, honey," Mellie nodded.

Karen nodded back. "That's okay, mom. It's only my appendix's fault. It must have been pretty mad."

Fitz and Mellie chuckled, and Karen smiled at them both.

"Dad. Can I see your scar again? The nurses say mine is bandaged up, so I can't see it," she said, looking up at him.

He chuckled and nodded, lifting up his shirt a little bit to show her part of the scar that remained on the right side of his body.

"We will be scar twins, daddy," Karen noted.

"That's very true," he laughed. "I guess both our appendixes must have been pretty mad, huh?"

"Yeah. Must have been," she nodded seriously.

"Well, we're so happy that you won't have to go through anything like this ever again. And you wanna know what?" Mellie asked, leaning in.

"Hmm?"

"There are a couple more people here to see you. Do you want them to come say hi before you rest a bit more?" Mellie asked.

Karen's smile grew large and she nodded eagerly, probably wondering who had come to see her.

"Okay. I'll be right back," Mellie smiled.

"It's the middle of the night and people are here to see me?" Karen asked.

"Of course. It's _you!"_ Fitz said, squeezing her hand.

"You are _so_ worth it!" Mellie agreed, opening the door.

Karen laid there happily as Mellie waved them in. Her two grandmas and her auntie Harmony came in with encouraging smiles, and Karen grew even happier.

Fitz kissed his daughter's hand and got up from where he was sitting, allowing her grandmas and aunt to come join her near her bed.

Karen received lots of attention as they were all so happy to see her doing well and out of surgery. She even got a few treats to save for later, and a new stuffed animal. The hospital treatment wasn't all bad for miss K.

However, it was still late, and Karen was still tired, so she was encouraged to get some more rest.

Harmony and Maggie didn't live far at all, so after a little more visiting, they returned home, promising to be back within the next day to visit more properly. For now, they were just so glad that Karen was okay.

Jean however, lived a ways away, so she stayed at the hospital for now. She and Fitz and Mellie had all talked about that, and decided she should just stay at their house that weekend so she could be closer to all of them.

So, as family members left and Karen slipped off into sleep with her grandma next to her, Fitz and Mellie went to go get coffee refills.

"You sure you need another cup of coffee?" Mellie asked with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugged. "It's only cup number...four."

"Mmhm. That's my point, Fitz," she laughed.

And he laughed, too.

"Nah, really, I'm fine," he said. "Not like I'll actually be doing much sleeping tonight anyway. How are...you doing?"

"I'm okay. Happier now that...she's alright and seems more like herself. Just still a little shaken, and mad at myself," she shrugged.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Me too. Sounds like we better...I don't know, _spike_ our coffee at this point."

She laughed again and shook her head. "Very tempting, actually."

He cleared his throat as they made their way quietly to the coffee station. Things between them the past days had been so much different. So much had happened. Sad things. Crazy things. Mostly negative things.

But things between the two of them hadn't been so negative. Not like normal. It seemed some good had come of the last couple days, actually.

And what Mellie said next confirmed that even more.

"We...we were a team today," Mellie said. "Or...yesterday, I'm losing track of the days, I don't know."

He chuckled and nodded, but didn't want to get ahead of himself. So he waited to see if she expanded on anything else. And she did.

"I've been...so worried about being a team for her. It scares me, that we may not be. That we may not be the team she needs. And this whole time I thought...no matter what happened between you and I behind closed doors...we could always show up and be a team in front of her. I really thought that. Until...two nights ago. When she...said what she said."

He set his cup down and nodded, giving her his full attention now at the coffee station. Thankfully, nobody else was really around. It was just the two of them, having a pretty damn important conversation.

At a hospital coffee station.

"You were right. It hit me hard. _Really_ hard, and I wasn't expecting that at all. I wish I would have listened more to you when she said what she said to you, and...I'm sorry about that. I thought...I thought it was ridiculous that she'd say that. I thought we were...a good enough team to where...there was no reason she'd ever say that, or think that way. So it's been a rude awakening for me recently. But...that's no excuse. So I truly apologize for doubting you. And...for not being there for you when you felt what I feel now."

He nodded, swallowing hard and meeting her eyes. "Thanks for that, Mell. I appreciate it more than you know."

She sighed, filling up her coffee cup, and then reaching for his. He gratefully gave it to her.

"We were a team today," she said again. "We have been a better team for her these past two days than we ever have been in our marriage. And that's not...that's not how it's supposed to be. If...we can be a good team when we're practically _separated_ in our own home and going through...all this crazy shit, then being a team when we're apart doesn't scare me. Because...I know that no matter what, you and I will always prioritize her. I know that in my heart. And...that's not going to be affected by whether we're...living together or not...married or not. I...I think I know that now."

Holy _shit. _

Fitz nodded along, unsure of what to say next. He stood there awkwardly, but celebrating internally at everything she just said. This was what he'd been waiting for. He'd been waiting and hoping, blindly, that she would begin to understand things from his point of view. And it felt like she just admitted that she had. Or at least, had begun to.

"...I realize I've been getting on you unfairly for your natural quiet tendencies but...I really would appreciate it if you said something," Mellie said quietly.

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Uh...right — sorry. Sorry. Yes. That was...that was just a lot and I was...processing."

"It _was_...a lot," she agreed, seeming almost surprised at it, herself.

"So...what are you saying, then?" he asked her.

She turned, leaning against the counter. She shrugged, glancing up at him.

"I'm saying that I understand. I understand what you are saying," Mellie answered. "I get what...you're talking about."

"Okay..." Fitz nodded along.

"She deserves...the best. Tonight scared the hell out of me. I kept thinking...what if something truly bad happened, and..." she stopped, swallowing hard.

He could tell she may cry. But she held it together.

"And the last thing she had been thinking about was...how uncertain she was about her parents, and...how much they fought, or something," Mellie said quietly. "That just...that scared me. God, she just deserves the world, our girl. And...maybe you're right. Maybe this isn't the best," Mellie said."

Holy shit _again._

"I want it to be. And I want you to be wrong, Fitz. I think you know how much I'd like this to work, and for you to...be _so_ wrong. But I just...don't know if you're wrong anymore. You've _done_ things that are wrong. That's for sure. But...the things you talk about...maybe not. Maybe...I'm the one that's wrong."

He turned to her, leaning against the counter too. He gave her a genuine nod.

"Okay," he nodded.

She nodded awkwardly back, not meeting his eyes.

"Okay."

"Okay," he cleared his throat, grabbing his coffee. "Alright."

"Another...agreement between us, it seems. Kind of," Mellie pointed out.

"Yeah. Things are just...getting out of hand now," Fitz said, taking a sip of his coffee.

She started to laugh, looking at him with a smile.

Well, this was _definitely_ new. He honestly wasn't sure what the hell to say back. He felt like he'd said everything he'd needed to say already, truly. So he stood there and took it all in — everything _she'd_ just said.

And he smiled back briefly, but quickly saw someone approaching from their right.

It was the woman that had talked to them right after Karen had been taken into surgery. Liz, if he remembered correctly. He'd been a little..._sidetracked_ at that point.

"Hi, Liz," Mellie greeted.

"Hi there, I hope I'm not interrupting. I'm so glad to see some happier faces over here!" Liz said.

"No worries at all. Yes, we're feeling a little better now," Mellie nodded.

"Definitely," Fitz agreed.

"Good, good. How's she doing?" Liz asked.

"She's doing well. She's sitting with her grandma now. Resting," Mellie nodded.

"That's so wonderful to hear," Liz nodded.

"Yes. How about your dad?" Fitz asked.

"He's better. He's got a cast on now, and he's on some pain medication. We're actually...able to leave here pretty soon, so I think we will," Liz nodded.

"Oh that's great news," Fitz replied with a smile.

"Yes, that is," Mellie nodded. "I'm so glad he's doing better!"

"Thank you, yes, me too. And I'm so glad your daughter is as well!" Liz said.

Fitz nodded at both and then turned to Mellie. "Speaking of, I'm going to go check on her and then...I'm going to head home — grab a change of clothes I think. You want me to grab you something?"

"Sure, Fitz, thank you. Something warm!" Mellie nodded gratefully.

"For sure. Alright," he said. "It was nice to talk to you again, Liz. I'm glad your dad's doing better."

"Oh, _thank you_, it was nice to talk to you again as well!" Liz nodded politely.

He smiled at both women, feeling a little awkward as he left them there as they continued to talk. It was Mellie's colleague, so he wondered if he should have been a little bit more attentive to Mellie.

But then he remembered. Their marriage was nobody else's business. The world didn't need to see their fake bullshit.

And as of recently, apparently, Mellie didn't think so either.

He was still trying to grasp that one. He couldn't wait to tell Olivia, too. To update her on this amazing step. But he wanted to do so in person, and didn't want to wake her up either, so he'd just have to wait a bit.

He headed back to Karen's room and saw that Karen was asleep again, and his mother had nodded off sitting next to Karen, holding her hand.

He smiled, seeing them, and left the room quietly as not to wake them up.

He made sure he had his phone and keys in his pocket, before heading toward the exit of that wing of the hospital.

Part of him wanted to call Olivia again, but he refrained because he figured, or at least hoped, she was sleeping now. He'd already woken her up once so he didn't want to do it again, at least for a while.

Making was his way to the car was just as cold as it was earlier when they'd arrived. He ended up running, yet again, because it was freezing and he was in shorts and a T-shirt. His drive home, though, was much calmer than their drive there.

He listened to music, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

Hank was excited when Fitz entered the back door, probably wondering what the hell was going on after his owners left in the middle of the night.

"Hey, bud. Hey," he chuckled, leaning down to scratch his ears. "Sorry, Hank. We had to get your favorite girl to the hospital. I'm sure you'd understand our reasoning for leaving you if you knew what I was saying."

Hank moved closer to him, snuggling up to his legs.

Fitz smiled, patting his back. "Don't worry. K is okay. She's okay."

He gave Hank some attention and a treat, planning to let him out before he left for the hospital again.

In the meantime, he actually went and took the quickest shower he could, because after hours of feeling sweaty and nervous, he felt gross. He changed into some warmer clothes and brushed his teeth, and then packed a bag filled with things for everyone.

A warmer outfit for Mellie. Hopefully she didn't mind his outfit-choosing skills. He grabbed some clothes for Karen just in case, although wasn't sure if or when she'd need them. Grabbed all of the toiletries they may need, and finally, grabbed Karen's phone and iPad, and her favorite stuffed animal.

He let Hank out to the bathroom because he wasn't sure when someone would be back to the house, and then headed out after he felt he had everything they may need for now. The hospital wasn't far, so it wouldn't be a big deal to come back anyway.

When he got back, he happened to catch Mellie near the coffee station again, filling up a cup of water for herself.

"Hey. Mell. I've got your clothes here if you want to change," he said, gesturing to the duffel bag on his shoulder.

"Oh, hey. Okay. Thanks," she nodded, taking a sip of water.

He started heading back toward Karen's room, thinking she would follow, but she stopped him.

"Hey, just a minute, Fitz," she said, waving him back.

He slowed to a stop and turned, awaiting what she said.

"Hm?"

"Before, when...Karen had just gone into surgery. You...had an attack."

He paused but nodded slowly. "Yeah. Um...yeah. Just...kind of a stressful situation, I guess."

"Right, I understand. I'm not surprised, but...I hadn't seen you have one in a long time. I thought maybe things had been better. But then...this one seemed _particularly_ bad."

He sighed. "Yeah. I...I guess, yeah. I _have_ had them recently, though. They just haven't happened around you."

She nodded solemnly. "Oh. I'm...sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, it's...whatever, it happens. Why are you asking about this now?"

She pulled out a business card from her pocket and handed it to him. "Because I know you've always had trouble with your meds and you don't take them. And based on what I saw tonight...you really _should_. I didn't know it had gotten this bad, Fitz."

He flipped the business card over in his hands, seeing "Doctor Elizabeth North" on it.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Is this...Liz, who I met tonight?"

"Mhm," Mellie nodded. "She's a psychiatrist."

He grew nervous, fiddling with the card in his hands.

"Were you...talking to her about me, after I left for the house?" he asked quietly, feeling a little bit self-conscious.

"No, no. Not for long. She just...she knew right away, Fitz," Mellie replied. "She sees it every day, and deals with it as home with her son, who also has anxiety. It probably didn't help that she met you right after..."

"I freaked out, yeah," he nodded.

"That's not how I would have worded it," Mellie said. "Look, she's really good, Fitz. And...after seeing you tonight, and knowing you've had trouble with medication in the past, I just asked for her card for you. That's all. You don't have to call if you don't want to. I just thought it couldn't hurt."

He nodded, pulling out his wallet to put the card inside. He could tell Mellie felt bad. About _many_ things. And she meant well with this. And Olivia was probably going to kick his ass if he didn't start looking into finding medication that worked for him, anyway. This could be a good thing.

"Thank you, Mell. Thanks. That was thoughtful of you," he nodded.

She nodded awkwardly back. "You're welcome. The fact that we ran into Liz here at the same time is maybe...a sign? A sign you'll have better luck this time around."

"Well. I would definitely take some luck in that regard," he chuckled. "I'll give her a call. Not...for a while though. I'd rather focus on K for now."

"Yes, yes," Mellie nodded, gesturing toward the hallway. "Should we go check on her?"

"Yes."

He adjusted the duffel bag on his shoulder as they made their way to Karen's room.

He checked his phone again, just seeing if perhaps Olivia had woken up and texted him. She hadn't.

"So...did you update her?" Mellie asked quietly.

He looked up at Mellie as they neared Karen's room, putting his phone away. Man, apparently he was _really_ obvious when checking his phone.

"Uh...yes. Yeah, I did," Fitz replied. "She was...really scared. She was forcing herself to stay up and wait for updates until I encouraged her to finally go back to sleep."

Mellie nodded awkwardly, opening the door to Karen's room.

His mom was still resting peacefully next to Karen, who was also sleeping. Keeping her company.

But while they were on the subject, he was going to take a shot at fulfilling his promise to Olivia. He spoke quietly though, as not to wake up the sleeping beauties in the room.

"You know, I actually wanted to...talk to you about this. I'm not sure she's even getting sleep. And she would never, _never_ ask to be here. But..._I'm_ asking you now. If you'd feel comfortable...if she was. If not, that's okay, and I respect and understand that. But I _do_ want to ask you," he whispered, looking down at Mellie.

Mellie looked at him uncertainly. She furrowed her eyebrows at him.

"Fitz, I asked if you'd _updated_ her not...to _invite_ her here," she whispered.

"No, I know. I know. I would never invite her here. It's not my place to do that, not without...knowing how you'd feel about it. And I know it isn't fair to you, I know that. I only wanted to ask, because you know how important she is to Karen, and...vice versa. That's all," he whispered.

Mellie looked stressed, shaking her head.

"Hey, okay. It's not fair of me, I know. It's not fair. It's okay," he whispered.

Mellie sighed. "I'm...sorry. I just wasn't expecting to...think Olivia might...come here."

"I know," Fitz nodded. "I know."

"Did you...say...Olivia?" Karen asked groggily, looking at her parents sleepily.

They both looked at their daughter in surprise and awe.

_Good lord, that child heard everything._

But she also awaited them eagerly, after hearing her _favorite_ Olivia's name. Somehow.

There was no doubt her hopes were up now. And despite Mellie's extremely uncertain feelings about it, she nodded at Karen.

"That's right, honey. She's...she's going to come and see you. She's...so glad you're okay," Mellie said.

Fitz's eyes widened, looking at Mellie in surprise as Jean awoke from the chatter as well.

But Karen gasped excitedly.

And then clutched her side in pain.

"Oh. Oh. Ow. That hurt," she admitted. "But...I am so excited. I haven't seen Olivia...in so long. I am so excited!"

That happiness and excitement just couldn't be denied. Couldn't be ignored. Especially not after she'd just had to go through literally _days_ of pain.

"She's so excited too," Fitz nodded, smiling.

He caught his mother's eyes, who it appeared was trying to follow the conversation after being asleep for part of it, and was now just catching up.

He could see the wonder in her eyes, though.

"Why don't you get some rest, okay, baby? We didn't mean to wake you," Mellie suggested. "Or you, Jean! Sorry about that."

"That's quite alright," Jean smiled.

"Okay, mom. But will you and dad stay in here with me and grandma anyway? And...and wake me up if Olivia comes?" Karen asked hopefully.

"Yes, of course, K," Fitz nodded. "Here, I have something that might help you sleep a little better."

He dug through the duffel bag, pulling out the famous mister Sunshine.

She smiled and reached out to him. "Oh, daddy! Oh my gosh, thank you. You went home! Oh...wait. Yeah. You _are_ in different clothes."

"I am," he chuckled. "I got your phone and iPad too, in case you wanted to talk to Casey. But for now, you need to get some rest first, okay?"

"Okay," she nodded, taking her bear happily. "Thanks, dad."

"You're welcome, sweetheart," he nodded, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "Mom's going to go change her clothes too, but she'll be back."

"Mmkay," Karen murmured.

Fitz handed Mellie the duffel bag and she nodded thankfully.

"I packed a couple things, I hope what I grabbed is all okay. You may have to dig through it, we've all got some things in there," Fitz said.

"Okay. Thanks," Mellie nodded.

When Mellie left, and Karen turned over, attempting to get some sleep again, his mother looked at him curiously.

He looked back, feeling as though they were having a conversation without words. He knew what she was looking at him like that for, or at least _figured_ he knew. But he didn't say anything, obviously. Not with Karen trying to sleep again.

He looked away from her eyes, smiling down briefly at the ground. His eyes flickered back up to his mom, who was smiling to herself, too. She leaned back comfortably in her chair and closed her eyes again.

Somehow, that sent a wave of comfort through him. He wasn't sure if they were on the same page there or not, but it felt like it.

Eventually, Mellie came back after having changed, and they all spent time in Karen's room to try and get some form of sleep.

And Fitz went to sleep happy, knowing that Karen was okay. And, knowing that when he awoke, depending on the time, he was going to give Olivia a call. He wanted to let her sleep through the rest of the night, and he knew he probably should get some sleep himself.

It was shitty sleep, but it was still sleep.

* * *

He woke up around six in the morning, seeing that his mother was just waking up as well. Karen and Mellie were still asleep, although he knew it would be time for Karen's pain medication soon, so she'd have to wake up in a bit.

And upon looking at his phone, he saw he had a text from Olivia as well.

**Olivia: Hey you. I couldn't sleep any longer, but I did get a few more hours. How is everything going? How is K? I'm thinking of her!**

He smiled, immediately texting back.

**Fitz: Hey you. Can I give you a call?**

She started texting back not long after he texted her.

**Olivia: Yes, please!**

He got up quietly from his chair, seeing his mom open her eyes tiredly at him. She smiled, giving him a wave. He waved and smiled back, and left the room quietly.

Dialing her number, he headed toward the waiting area again as not to wake anyone up in the hallways.

It didn't ring for long.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Livvie. Good morning," he said sweetly.

"Hi, baby. Good morning back, how is everything?"

"Everything is good. Karen's still asleep; she's slept pretty well since after her surgery. Although, she _did_ have a tough time falling asleep after we told her you were coming to visit her."

It was quiet on the other end for a moment, before she spoke up.

"Wait..._what?" _Olivia asked.

"What do you say?" he asked with a smile. "You ready to see her again?"

"You're not...are you serious?!" Olivia asked.

"Absolutely serious," he nodded.

"I can see her? I can...baby, for real?" Olivia asked excitedly.

"For real," he nodded. "I'll have an Uber come get you, okay? Whenever you're ready just let me know. She is _so_ excited to see you. And so am I, by the way."

He could practically _hear_ her smile on the other end.

"Oh my God. Baby. I'm so...oh my goodness. What about...Mellie, she's...she's really okay with this?" Olivia asked.

"I can't tell you that it was her idea, or...that she wanted it to happen. But she knows how much Karen loves you and...vice versa. Making Karen happy right now is...important to her. And you are important to Karen. _So_. You are welcome here."

"Oh, wow. _Wow_. That...means so much to me. Tell her thank you so much for me, Fitz. I know how hard and...probably awkward it is, and may be. But it just means the world to me. Will she be there? Can I...thank her in person?"

"I'm not sure what she'll do. Regardless, I will pass it along," he nodded. "She and I have had...some good chats recently, baby. I...I want to tell you about them in person, and I can't wait. So just text me when you're ready, okay?"

"Okay. Okay," she nodded. "I'll get ready fast. Thank you so much again, and...I'll see you soon?"

"Absolutely. See you soon, Liv. I love you."

"I love you. Bye."

"Bye."

The smile on his face couldn't be removed after that.

He got back right as Karen was needing to be woken up for medicine and a little breakfast. She could have a normal diet — it just needed to be easy on her stomach. So, she was having some apple sauce and some plain toast for now, as she wasn't all that hungry.

They made sure she had a good amount of water as soon as she woke, too, as staying hydrated was important.

Fitz did quietly inform Mellie of the updated Olivia plans while Karen was eating and laughing with her beloved grandma Jean.

"Mom. Dad. I have to go to the bathroom," Karen said. "Am...am I allowed to walk around?"

Fitz and Mellie both got up immediately.

"Yes, honey, as long as you feel up to it, you can. You just can't be too active yet. Do you need help getting up?" Mellie asked.

"Maybe," Karen nodded, pushing her covers back.

"Here, I'll keep your apple sauce safe until you're back," Jean offered, reaching for her tray.

"Thanks, grandma," Karen giggled, handing it over.

Jean smiled, touching Karen's nose affectionately.

"Here, K," Fitz said, turning her gently in bed, and lifting her up sideways in his arms. "You want me to walk you there?"

"No, it's okay. I got this," Karen nodded.

"Absolutely you do," Fitz smiled.

He set her down on her feet and Mellie took her other hand. She didn't need their help. She did, indeed, have it covered.

It was likely a little bit painful; he remembered it was mostly just unpleasant to begin with. She'd just had surgery yesterday after all. But she made it to the bathroom no problem, holding both her parents' hands.

"Alright. You want mom to go in with you, or are you good?" Fitz asked.

"I'm good," Karen nodded.

"Okay. I'll be out here if you need, honey," Mellie said.

"Mmkay. Thanks, mom."

When she was done, Mellie walked her back to bed and then Karen reached her arms up, waiting for her dad to lift her back into bed.

He got her settled back down in bed, ready to finish her apple sauce. She was pretty happy, especially considering the last days' events. She was almost back to her normal self, it seemed. She'd be even happier when Olivia was there.

Olivia texted Fitz not long after, letting him know she was ready so he could have an Uber pick her up.

Before Olivia came, though, he did have a chat with Mellie. Mellie gave Karen a goodbye kiss on the cheek, assuring her she'd be back in a little while. Then, she pulled Fitz aside out in the hallway.

"I'm going to go home and take a shower. I assume...she'll be here soon," Mellie said.

"Uh...yeah. Yeah. Soon," he nodded. "I understand if you don't want to...be here."

"I...don't," Mellie answered honestly. "Sorry. I truly don't even want her here, Fitz."

He sighed, nodding. "I know that."

"But...Karen does. And...I don't think we've done a good job doing what's best for Karen lately. Or..._I_ haven't," Mellie admitted quietly.

Fitz said nothing, but nodded at her.

"She wants me to thank you, you know. She understands how hard this must be for you and she is so grateful you gave permission. She misses Karen a _lot."_

Mellie nodded, but didn't say anything back.

He cleared his throat. "Anyway. Here."

He dug in his pocket and handed her the keys to his Jag, which she nodded thankfully for.

"Thanks. I'll see you later," Mellie said. "Please text me if...I need to come back, or if Karen needs anything."

"I will. See you."

She nodded at him and headed out, bundling up for the chilly weather outside.

He, on the other hand, went back to Karen's room until Olivia got there.

"Is mom going to take her shower now?" Karen asked, looking up from her conversation with her grandma.

"She is. And she's going to go let your pup out. But guess what?" he asked, trying to distract her from the fact that Mellie wouldn't be here while Olivia was. He hoped that was either seen as a coincidence in her 10-year-old brain, or that she didn't even think about it.

"What?"

"Olivia will be here _so_ soon," he smiled.

Karen's smile grew larger. "Really?!"

"Really," he nodded.

"She's been waiting so patiently for that news," Jean laughed, eyeing Fitz.

"Well, Olivia has been waiting so patiently to see you," he nodded, feeling a vibration in his pocket. "Oh, and I bet that's her."

It was, indeed, a text from Olivia that she was there, so he bid an excited Karen goodbye so he could go meet her.

She walked toward him outside, immediately smiling at the sight of him. He smiled back, noticing she had flowers and a gift bag in her hand.

"Hi you," she greeted.

"Hi," he replied back, immediately pulling her in for a hug. "Oh, it's so good to see you."

"You too," she sighed, wrapping her arms tightly around him. "How are you doing?"

He exhaled, resting his chin on her head. "I'm okay. I wasn't for a while. But I'm better now that she's okay, and...seeing you only makes it better."

"I can relate," she nodded.

She stood there, leaning into his chest. Relishing in their hug. It wasn't a very long hug — not there at the hospital. But it was still a nice hug, nonetheless.

And he finally got what he could have used about two nights ago. A hug from the woman he loved. Even when things sucked, hugging her always seemed to provide a light. Something _good._

But they couldn't stand there all day. Karen awaited.

"You want to go see her?" he whispered.

"Yes. _Yes,"_ Olivia nodded immediately. "I went and picked up a few things for her before my Uber came, I hope that's alright?"

"Of course! That was so sweet of you, thank you, baby. She will love you _even_ more," he chuckled. "She is _so_ excited to see you, Liv."

"Me too!" Olivia said, walking close to him as they entered the building.

As they neared her room, he slipped his finger into her hand and she squeezed back, looking up at him with a smile.

He brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss to the top of it, before letting go hesitantly. Not the smartest idea to walk in holding hands.

He separated himself from her so they weren't walking so closely, and then opened the door for her to enter first.

Olivia gasped, seeing Karen propped up in bed and Jean still sitting by her side.

Karen got so excited. "Olivia! Oh my gosh! Olivia!"

"Hi miss K!" Olivia exclaimed, coming into the room excitedly. "And hi Jean, it's so good to see you again!"

"Hello, darling! It's so good to see you again too! Come on over here and give me a hug," Jean said, standing up and waving her over.

Fitz watched with a smile as Olivia happily hugged his mother, and then leaned down and hugged Karen too.

Karen closed her eyes and smiled, resting her head on Olivia's shoulder as they hugged.

"Oh, honey. It's so good to see you. I missed you so much!" Olivia said.

"I missed you so much, too," Karen nodded. "It feels like it's been forever since I got to see you."

"It _has_ felt like forever. I'm so sorry about that, I've just been..._so_ busy," Olivia said.

Fitz looked down at the ground sadly, wishing she hadn't had to lie. That wasn't the truth. Unfortunately, there hadn't really been another time for them to see each other. He thanked the heavens they were seeing each other now.

When he looked up again, his mother was, again, glancing his way. She gave him an encouraging smile before looking away again. There she was again being...well, her. Talking without words, and he was left wondering what she was internally saying.

"That's okay. I know you are busy and doing awesome stuff at school," Karen nodded.

Olivia giggled, pressing a kiss to her cheek before pulling back. "Why thank you, K, I know you are doing _just_ the same. So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling okay. It doesn't hurt so much anymore. It does, but just not like before. I guess my appendix is like my daddy's," Karen shrugged. "Or..._was_ like daddy's. They took it right out, you know."

"I did know. Was that scary?" Olivia asked, sitting down in the chair on the other side of the bed across from Jean.

"A little. I was scared before they took it out and scared to leave my mom and dad. But...then I barely remembered anything, and when I woke up, everything felt better. So now I know why they had to do it," Karen nodded thoughtfully.

Olivia giggled and Fitz and Jean also laughed. Oh how rational, for a 10-year-old.

"That's right," Olivia nodded. "Sometimes things like that feel scary, but really they're the best thing for you."

"Mhm," Karen agreed. "Plus. Me and my dad are scar twins now. Have you seen dad's scar?"

"I have," Olivia nodded. She then paused, quickly recovering. "At...the beach."

Oh God, Fitz wished he wasn't a blusher. But he very much was blushing now, so he looked down at the floor again, scratching his head and hoping to God he didn't look suspicious. But he knew he did. He was so awkward in general, and now he was practically incriminating himself to his mother, mostly, since Karen and Olivia kept right on talking.

He might as well have said, _"actually, mom, she's seen my scar because she regularly sees me naked."_

His mother was, of course, one of the few people that would know his scar wasn't just visible to the everyday person walking by him on the street. Part of it could be seen when he was shirtless, yes, but he usually had to pull down the waistband of his pants at least a bit in order to see it in its entirety. Oh well. The beach was plausible.

"I don't really want to have a scar, but...at least it will look sort of cool," Karen shrugged.

"That's right. It _will_ look cool, you've got to think of the positives," Olivia laughed. "Plus, you know what else?"

"Hm?"

"When you look at it, you can always remember how strong you were these past couple days. I've heard how painful appendicitis is, so you're pretty strong for having to deal with it!" Olivia said, patting her arm.

"Thank you," Karen giggled.

"You are very welcome. Here, you want to see what I brought you?" Olivia asked.

Karen nodded excitedly. "Okay!"

"Well, these are for you, first of all. They're beautiful, just like you," Olivia said, handing her the flowers which were wrapped up in clear plastic wrap.

Karen smiled. "I wondered if these were for me!" she said, admiring them in her hands. "Thank you, Olivia!"

"You are so welcome!"

"Olivia's right, they are almost as beautiful as you!" Jean nodded.

"Maybe I'll have mom grab a vase from home so you can put them by your bed, how's that sound," Fitz asked.

"Yes! I would like that!" Karen nodded.

"Alright," he chuckled.

"And then, I just brought you a few things in here, too," Olivia nodded, setting the gift bag on her bed.

Karen excitedly opened the gift, pulling out a stuffed panda bear.

Her eyes lit up. "A panda! Just like I was for Halloween!"

"Yes! I know they're now your _second_ favorite animal," Olivia nodded importantly.

"Yes they are! Second after dogs," she giggled, admiring her panda. "Thank you!"

"Mhm. I thought he or she could keep your other bear company. Which it looks like he is...right here?" Olivia smiled, picking up her yellow bear laying next to her.

"Oh, yeah. Dad grabbed him for me at home," Karen nodded, smiling. "Mr. Sunshine and my panda will be the best of friends."

"Well that sounds great, you'll have to let me know what you name your panda," Olivia nodded.

"Okay, I will," Karen nodded, seeing if there was anything else left in the bag.

There was.

Karen gasped. "Skittles!"

Fitz chuckled, seeing that it was her favorite kind of Skittles specifically. Jean was also smiling at the larger bag of Skittles, knowing they were her granddaughter's favorite.

"Well, Olivia just knows all the best gifts, doesn't she!" Jean exclaimed with a smile.

"Yes!" Karen nodded.

"You may have to save them, I'm not sure if Skittles are the best thing for you to be eating while you recover, _but_, I knew it would be a fun treat to look forward to," Olivia said.

"Yes! Thank you so much, Olivia. These are my favorite ones ever," Karen said, opening her arms for a hug.

"You're welcome. I know they are!" Olivia said, hugging her back.

"That was pretty nice of Olivia," Fitz said with a smile, watching the scene from afar. His arms were crossed, and he was leaning against the opposite wall.

"Indeed! So very sweet!" Jean exclaimed.

"Anything for miss K," Olivia said, holding her hand.

"You are the _best,"_ Karen said happily.

_"You_ are," Olivia said, touching her nose lightly.

After the terrible past days everyone had had, the lighthearted moment was so great to be a part of. And it lasted a good while.

Olivia stayed for about two hours, before Karen started to get sleepy again, anyway. All of their sleep schedules were a little out of whack, so it was understandable. And the last thing Olivia wanted to do was overstay her welcome. She was so grateful she'd gotten to come in the first place.

Olivia called an Uber and before she left, Karen thanked her endlessly for the wonderful gifts and for coming to see her. And sadly, Olivia then had to say goodbye officially to Karen and to Jean.

She looked as though she was about to say goodbye to Fitz, too, but he still wanted to talk with her.

"I'll uh...I'll walk you out, I know the way back to the entrance is a little confusing," Fitz said.

"Oh, okay, thanks so much!" Olivia nodded.

He nodded and told his mother and Karen he'd be back in a minute.

The second they were outside in the hallway, he could see she was so happy. So happy after having seen Karen again. And that happiness was contagious, because he was happy they'd gotten to see each other, too. It had been too long.

"Thank you so much for this. And...please thank Mellie for me if you haven't already. I wish...I wish I could thank her myself," Olivia said.

"I know," he nodded. "I think she just thought it would be best if she wasn't here. She was awkward about it, which I do completely understand."

"Yes, I completely do too," Olivia nodded. "That last thing I would want to do is make her even more uncomfortable here...after your guys' daughter just had surgery. It's not my place and I really didn't want to ruffle any feathers. I'm just...very grateful, that's all. Because I just love Karen like...like family."

"I know you do, baby," he nodded, grabbing her hand. "And I love you so much for that. And I hope you know by now how much you mean to her. She loves you like family, too."

Olivia nodded gratefully, smiling and squeezing his hand.

"So...before you go, I did want to tell you something. About a conversation Mellie and I had earlier," he said, as they neared the entrance.

"Oh, yes, right," Olivia replied. "Good? Or...or bad?"

"Good. Really..._really_ good. In fact, I'm having a hard time processing it and...I'm still wondering if it was real," he said, pulling her to the side of the entrance so they could talk.

"Oh?" Olivia said excitedly.

"Yeah. Um...well like I told you before, she's been a little different these past few days since Karen said what she said to us both — remember, what I texted you about."

"Yep," Olivia nodded along.

"She's been sad, and...thinking things through, I think. I started to actually feel bad for her, because she just...well, she was going through exactly what I went through. I know how it feels. It's shitty, so I've been understanding, even though she wasn't...eager to talk about it."

Olivia nodded along, listening intently.

"And earlier, she brought up the fact that...she's not necessarily afraid of us not being a good team for Karen anymore if we're...separated. Because Lord knows we've been going through a lot these past few days and...yet, we managed to be a better team than we ever have been as a 'happy, married couple'. Which, you know, isn't...normal. And she knew that. She...admitted things earlier, Liv. She was honest, and open, and...knew that she'd been wrong on things. And...Mellie doesn't do that ever — unless she really means it. Mellie loves being right."

Olivia didn't even know what to think, or say. She had a surprised smile on her face, looking at Fitz in awe.

"I'm not...I'm not saying we're going to be divorced tomorrow. I don't know what else lies ahead for us. But...I know for _sure_ that that was a step forward. A _big_ step. She has never admitted those things. _Ever_. So in a way...all of this happening with Karen...it kind of showed her some things, I think. Things...she needed to see. Life is too short. Karen deserves the best. And...us together, is _not_ it."

"She admitted that?" Olivia asked, unable to believe it.

"Pretty damn much," Fitz said, cracking a smile. "I'm serious, Liv. It was big. And I couldn't...I mean, I didn't even know what to say. That was the last thing I expected to hear after this..._shit show_ of a weekend."

"Seriously. This is..._huge_, Fitz. I wasn't expecting to hear that either!" she admitted quietly. "It feels a little surreal?"

"I know," he nodded, smiling.

"Oh my God," Olivia said. "Wow. Just...I don't even know what to say, baby. That's amazing. _So_ amazing. Who knew...something good could come of...like you said, a shit show."

"I know," he agreed happily. "Oh! And...and I got this doctor's card. A um...a psychiatrist, that Mellie knows, and I just met this weekend. I got her card, and...I think I'll call her, when this is all over. When...Karen comes home and everything. I will."

Olivia gasped, looking up at him. "Fitz, really?"

"Really," he nodded. "I will."

"Oh, baby," she noted, slipping her hand into his discretely. "Fitz, that's _so_ great. Seriously, I'm so happy for you. That is just...the _best_ news. All of this is so good to hear!"

"Yeah," he chuckled, squeezing her hand. "I think we deserve some good, after all this."

"Absolutely," Olivia nodded. "Oh, baby. That all makes me so happy."

She held his hand happily, absorbing all the good news.

"Me too," he nodded.

"Even the psychiatrist part?" she asked, giving him a look.

He chuckled. "Yes. Even that part. Mostly...because of you. But I do know you, as well as most of the other women in my life, are right. It's time. Something out there will work for me, and I just have to...put in the effort to find it."

"I wish it wasn't such a hard process for you. But I know we'll find it. And I'll be here every step of the way," she said, looking up at him.

"I know you will," he said. "Thank you for being you."

"Thank _you," _she said, smiling.

"I'm so happy we all got to see you today. I'm sure my mom was ecstatic, too."

Olivia laughed. "She's such a sweetheart, I was ecstatic to see her, too. And of course, it wasn't bad getting to see you either."

"Oh, yeah, that was a plus. It was...nice to see you, I guess," he teased, acting nonchalant about it.

She laughed, shaking her head. "I love you."

"I love you too," he replied, giving her a crooked smile.

She sighed, looking out the windows. "Well. I'll let you get back to K and your mom so they're not wondering where you are. I think...that might be my Uber, anyway."

He looked outside and nodded. "Okay. Here, I'll walk you out."

They headed outside and finally hugged one last time on the sidewalk, saying goodbye.

"Bye you," he said, kissing her cheek and then internally saying "fuck it" before kissing her lips.

"Mm," she replied, pecking his lips another time. "Bye, my smiley."

"I love you," he said again, eyes flickering between her lips and her pretty eyes. "Text me when you're home."

"I will. I love you too," she whispered, kissing his lips one last time. "Keep me updated on everything."

"I will," he nodded, opening the back door of the Uber for her.

She gave him a cute wave and he smiled, closing the door gently behind her. He waved through the window and watched them drive away, still with that smile covering his face. The smile she always caused.

The reason he was her "smiley."

The smile immediately faded when his eyes finally started wandering elsewhere, and they landed on Mellie, walking toward him from the parking lot.

Well, _that_ was awkward.

He wondered how much of that she'd seen.

He nodded in her direction, waiting for her to reach him before heading back in.

He cleared his throat as she grew close enough. "Hey."

"Hey," she replied.

"How was...your shower?" he asked, scratching his head.

He internally cursed himself for such an odd question, but it was the first thing he could think to say.

"Uh...it was good," Mellie nodded, barely meeting his eyes. "I wasn't sure...how long...you know."

"Uh, right. Yeah. She...just left," he nodded.

"Yeah, I mean...I figured that was her. Hope you're not kissing anyone _else_ in hospital parking lots," Mellie said.

Oh..._yikes._

He looked at her uncertainly. "Uh...right. Yeah."

"I'm — sorry. That was...sorry," she sighed. "That was unfair of me, and I don't need to be unfair."

"Actually, you've been anything but unfair today," Fitz nodded. "Like I said before, I really appreciate what you did today. For K, especially. But...for me and Liv, too. It meant...so much. She really wished she could have thanked you in person. The last thing she wanted was to upset you or make you uncomfortable, but if she knew you were here just before she left, she probably would have tried to say thanks."

Mellie raised her eyebrows, crossing her arms as she looked around. "Brave woman."

Fitz nodded. "Yeah. Maybe. But more importantly...she just wants things between us to be okay. She wants you and me to...get through this together, just as much as we do. No matter what you may think about her...she never wanted to hurt anybody, and I know she desperately wishes she hadn't. She's...one of the kindest people out there, Mellie."

Mellie took a deep sigh, looking at him.

And what she did and said next, kind of shocked Fitz. But it turned out to be another positive thing to make up for this awful start to a weekend.

She nodded.

"Yeah," she sighed quietly. "I know."

* * *

**Hope you all enjoyed. I know I left you all on a bit of a cliff hanger last chapter. I appreciate everyone's patience since then!**

**I am so grateful for everyone who is along for the ride and enjoying this story. I know things have moved slowly, but things are really developing now, which is great news for Olitz!**

**Stay safe everyone, and read on.**

**~T**


	26. Important Conversations III

"What are we supposed to tell her? How do we know how to do something like that? I don't...I just don't feel confident in anything, Fitz. It makes my head hurt and it scares the hell out of me," Mellie admitted, rubbing her temples.

He could see the stress in her. He could feel it too — she wasn't alone.

"I don't think there's a...universal 'how to tell your children you're going to separate' book. There's no 'how to's'. Every situation is different, every married couple is different, and...every child is different. We know our daughter. We know us. So...we'll know the best way to do this."

"Oh, we do? Okay, can you enlighten me? Because this half of 'we' isn't sure at all," Mellie said.

He gave her a look, and she nodded.

"Sorry. I...sorry. Okay," she replied. "Sass doesn't help, I'm aware."

"I get it — it's a habit around me. You hate me — sass is natural," he nodded, taking a sip of his drink. Scotch tonight.

She glared at him, shaking her head. "Really?"

"Sorry. That was kind of sassy, too," he admitted.

"It was," she said. "And...I don't _hate_ you. Okay? We both...know that, Fitzgerald."

He tilted his head. "Oh, we do? Can you enlighten me? _Because this half of 'we' isn't sure at all."_

She stared blankly at him, fighting back a smile. And then he chuckled.

She sighed annoyedly, but he could see her smile underneath it all.

"Okay. That was clever," she admitted. "_And_ sassy."

"It was, I'm sorry," he replied.

"I'm...sorry too," she nodded. "And I don't...hate you. Maybe I _did_...briefly."

"Hmm...it didn't feel that brief to me," he responded.

"Okay, well, _regardless_. Hate is a very strong word," Mellie said.

He nodded. "I know. I appreciate that you don't _hate_ me..._anymore_. But I would understand if you did."

"Well, yeah, you were an ass to me," she said.

"Yes. I was," he agreed.

"Good, I'm glad that's been covered," she nodded.

He rolled his eyes and chuckled lightly. "But _you_ haven't been an ass to _me_, right?"

She shrugged. "I didn't say that."

"Ahh...wow. Was that...another admission of guilt?" he asked.

"Yeah, haven't I admitted enough to you recently?" Mellie asked.

He put his hands up in defense, raising his eyebrows.

She sighed. "And...just because I don't hate you doesn't mean I like you all that much either," Mellie pointed out.

She was partially being sassy again, in a playful way. But he knew part of it was probably true, too.

"Come on. Really? You and I have been on better terms since we've been on the same page," he replied. "Well — aside from the fact that you still look at me like...you want to slap me sometimes."

"I do still want to slap you sometimes."

"...Fair," he said.

"Especially when you make out with your girlfriend at my place of employment," she nodded.

He sighed. "I did not _make out_ with her there, and nobody was outside. Except for...you, I guess — which was...completely accidental. But, it may have been a lapse in judgment on my part, and I apologize about that."

She nodded. "Well, for the most part — it was just gross."

"Oh, it was...it was 'gross.' Okay. Are we five now?" he chuckled.

She glared at him. "Yes, it _was_ gross. Do you think I would have ever imagined seeing you and the woman whom I orchestrated to come _live_ in our house for half a year — _kissing_ in front of me at my work? The answer is no, no I did not. So yes, 'gross' really just fits that description for me, okay?"

"Okay. Alright," he nodded. "I'm sorry about that, Mell. I would have never..._ever_, done that if I knew you were right there. I hope you...know that. I didn't think anything of it — I'm sorry."

"It's...fine," she sighed. "I'm over it. I guess...I have to admit, I just wasn't expecting to see it. It threw me off, for multiple reasons. It wasn't _just_ gross, it was also...I don't know. It was eye-opening, too, I guess."

"Eye-opening? Can I ask...how so?" he asked.

She looked down at the carpet, shrugging. "I guess...in my head, things looked a lot different. I didn't want to think about it _at all_, that's for sure. But then I _saw_ it. And I saw...you, with her. I saw...how you were with her. And she, with you. I just...wasn't expecting it. I wasn't expecting to see you that way."

He nodded. "...What way?"

She sighed. "So...happy, I guess. I just...I don't know. It opened my eyes to the fact that you and I have never been that way. I mean — I knew that. I knew we weren't...Jesus. I don't know how to explain it."

"No, no. I...I think I get what you're saying," Fitz said, trying to save her.

She nodded gratefully.

"Seeing it. Seeing _you _that way, it was just...different. I mean...I didn't know you could even look at someone like that, Fitz. You smiled at her like...like I've just never seen before. And...the way she looked at you...I sure as hell know _I_ don't look at you that way. Just...I wasn't expecting to see it. That's...all."

He nodded, looking at her intently. He didn't say anything; he wasn't sure what to say, exactly. It felt like another scenario in which he'd already said everything he needed to say, and she was just now making her comments based off of what she'd seen and experienced. Regardless, he was grateful she was thinking about these things. Even if they were "gross," they were realizations that needed to occur at some point.

And clearly she wasn't done with her realizations.

"You're, like, fucking..._in love_ with her," Mellie said. "I mean...seriously —_ in love."_

He could have continued on with the sass. Replied with a solid, _"Yeah, kind of what I've been saying for a while." _But he didn't. It probably didn't feel good to admit, see, or even come to that realization in general, let alone_ out loud_ to him, so he just nodded at her, and kept it gracious.

"Yeah, Mell," he said quietly.

She nodded too. "Yeah. Sorry. I'm...kind of late to the party on that one, too. I know."

He shrugged. "It's okay."

She sighed. "I guess I just didn't take you...very seriously until I saw it. Because I don't think I've ever felt that before so I haven't exactly had...the experience. No...no offense, obviously."

He chuckled. "You mean...you _haven't_ been in love with me this whole time? _Damn_, I really thought you were. The...constant fights and...our _wonderful_ relationship really led me to believe it."

Now she laughed, too.

"Oh, shush."

He shrugged, sipping his drink. "You would know if you've felt it, Mell. It's not something you're unsure about. When you feel it...you _know_. Overwhelmingly, and...sometimes annoyingly. And you don't get to control it. Frankly...it controls you. Makes you do...stupid shit."

"Sounds fucking awful," she said, downing her glass of wine.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "Sometimes it can hurt. A lot. I'm...not going to lie about that."

"Well — good thing I'll never feel it then," she sighed quietly.

He shot her a look. "Why would you say that?"

She shrugged. "I just...I don't know. I don't think I ever will."

"This is coming from miss...'men love me, they respond to me'?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. "Come on. What did you do with the...the old Mellie — the one telling me how many men she could have _fucked_ while married to me?"

She shook her head and laughed. "Well, yes, that was the truth. But mostly I think they respond to me because of _that_ reason. They just wish they could get in my pants — not...because of anything else."

"Well...the right one won't respond to you _just_ because of that," he said.

She looked at him uncertainly and shook her head with a laugh.

"This conversation is...weird, with you," she said.

"Yeah, a little bit," he agreed. "Personally, I like it better than...insults and sass, though."

She nodded in agreement. "Yes. I suppose. It's also distracting me from the other aspect of the conversation we were having before about telling her."

He nodded, looking at her. "It scares me, too, Mell. I'm...fucking terrified to tell K. It's not just you. We're in it together. Alright?"

She sighed. "Yeah. I'm just...afraid it will hurt her. I have a...deep fear of that. And it's hard for me to just...not be afraid of that, Fitz. I understand where you're coming from. I know now that...Karen suspects a lot, and that's not good, either. But I'm still afraid of what it will do to her when we tell her."

"I know," he replied.. "Me too. I would be lying if I said I wasn't. I just think...what she feels as a result of this — will be much better than what she'd continue to feel further down the road. And...I'd rather pick the less painful option. Even if it takes some adjusting, which...it will. Obviously."

She nodded. "Yeah. I...I know."

He nodded back. "Isn't it fun agreeing on things?"

Mellie glared at him, but laughed. "It's weird, mostly."

He agreed, downing the rest of the scotch in his glass. "If we keep it up — we may just become, like...friends, or something."

Her eyes widened. "Oh — let's not get carried away."

"Yeah. You're right," he agreed, standing up. He reached for her glass. "More wine?"

"Oh, sure. Just a little bit. Thanks."

He headed to the bar, both glasses in hand to get a refill. Karen was asleep upstairs, and they were downstairs in the basement talking, as per usual. Not that things were heated between them — but just because they weren't sure how to go forward with things that involved Karen. And clearly — that child heard everything.

"So...can I ask you something?" Mellie asked, looking at him as he stood at the bar.

"Yeah," he replied, pouring her more white wine.

"Do you want to move out?" she asked.

He stopped pouring and looked up at her surprisedly.

"Uh...well. That's...that's a big question," he admitted. "Do you want the short answer, or the long answer?"

"I don't really care. Just...an honest answer," she said.

"Honest answer is yes," he replied. "But...I know we haven't even...had that discussion. I know that it can't happen overnight. I know we need to explain to Karen what's going on first. And I know...I actually have to _have_ a place to live in order to move out."

"I'm surprised you haven't been looking around for places with..._her,"_ she said, watching him bring her wine to her.

He stopped in his tracks, tilting his head at her and shooting her a look.

She sighed. "Sorry. Sorry."

He sighed back, handing her glass to her.

"I probably _would_ have been looking. But...I've wanted to do this all _together_ for Karen's sake — and you haven't exactly been on board with this until recently."

"Yeah. I know," she nodded.

He handed her wine to her.

"Thanks."

"Mhm. Do..._you_ want me to move out?" he asked, sitting down next to her on the couch.

"I don't know, Fitz. Clearly, I'm not sure about anything. I...want what's best for Karen — but this all still freaks me out. I'm aware that our marriage is a joke — but ending it still freaks me out. I don't even...I don't even know anymore. I mean — I know that _I_ don't want to move out."

"Well, I figured that. I wouldn't...I wouldn't make you do that," he shook his head. "You should keep the house."

She sighed, looking up at him nervously. "Great. This conversation."

"What? You...you started this conversation?"

"No, no, I know. I just mean...now we're getting into the..._who keeps what_ conversation," she said. "I'm...I'm just not even...in the right headspace for that conversation right now."

"That's fine. You don't have to be. I didn't mean for it to be _that_ conversation. I was just talking about the house," he replied.

"I know," she nodded. "So...if you moved out, then...where would you move to? And...when?"

"Mell, I haven't even...started looking at places yet. I mean — if you want me out of here right now, tell me. Tell me, and I can...I'll get on it more quickly. Because...believe me — I _will."_

"No. I didn't mean it like that," she apologized. "I was just asking the question."

He shrugged. "Where would you feel comfortable? I would never...go anywhere you didn't want me to, because of K."

She nodded. "I guess...close. I'd like you to be close, for K."

"As would I," he agreed.

She sighed. "There's so much...we have to talk about, isn't there."

"Uh-huh. See. Maybe the 'you'll find somebody' conversation we were having earlier _wasn't_ so bad," he pointed out.

She chuckled. "Yeah. Maybe not. Frankly, I think I'm still getting used to you and I talking this much in _general_."

"Come on. It's been months of you insulting me for either...my abundance of words or my lack of them. You're still hung up on that?" he challenged.

She rolled her eyes, and sighed.

"You're right. I'm sorry about that."

"Thanks, actually. But you don't...have to keep apologizing," he replied.

She drank a healthy sip of her wine and set it down in her lap, shaking her head.

"Fuck, Fitz."

"Yeah. Fuck," he nodded, sipping his scotch.

_"Fuck," _she emphasized again. "How did we get here? How did we end up in...this situation?"

"You and I were _not_ meant to be married, but we did it anyway. _That's_...why," he began. "And we did that because the condom broke, which...turned out to be the best thing to ever happen to us. It just...didn't change the fact that we _shouldn't_ have gotten married afterward."

"That was a rhetorical question, Fitz, but thank you for summing it up," she nodded, raising her glass to him.

"Oh. My bad. Well. You're welcome anyway," he chuckled, raising his glass. "To...the best thing that ever happened to us. We can still drink to that."

She nodded, giving him a smile. "To her. I'm..._so_ glad the condom broke."

"Me too."

"Even though...you and I suck, and have pretty much _always_ sucked."

"Yes, quite a bit," he agreed.

"Well...I think I'm all out of toasts for now. I'm tired — I think I'm going to head to bed. After I down this," she said, tilting her glass back.

"Yeah. Me too," he nodded. "Thanks for...talking. Really. Thank you."

"You too," she replied. "I'm sorry, again. For...you know. Things I've said. I know...I'm stubborn. And I'm not the best person to...deal with sometimes."

"I'm sorry too. For...having been an ass," he said back.

"Yeah. A big one."

"A big one," he said, nodding.

She cracked a smile, but gave him a serious look afterward. "So...same time next time? Unfortunately?"

He started to laugh. "Same time next time. Unfortunately."

"What's next on the docket? The _custody_ conversation? The _who gets what_ conversation?" she asked.

"Whichever makes you want to throw up less," he said. "That's...that's my proposal."

"Hm. Okay. I'll have to think it through and get back to you on that one," she said nervously.

"Kay. Sounds good," he laughed. "Night."

"Night."

He downed his drink and put both their glasses in the bar dishwasher. Things were a little easier to discuss when alcohol was involved.

But also, things were easier to discuss when both were on the same page. And that was now the case.

Not that they were agreeable on _everything_. But on the fact that staying married would only hurt Karen more in the long run — they were on the same page now. Mellie was just really scared about it still.

And he understood that. Her own childhood trauma with her parents wouldn't just disappear. But he did hope that talking about it would ease her in even more. They'd already made so much progress — it was so much easier talking to her when they were working toward the same goal.

And the conversations went a lot smoother too. Her perspective had finally begun to change — which naturally changed the way she spoke to him about the subject. She'd admitted her wrongdoings, too. He appreciated that.

He mostly appreciated it all for Karen's and for Olivia's sake. Both deserved so much better. Karen deserved the truth, and Olivia didn't deserve to have to wait forever. He knew she was impatient about it — how could she not be. He just wanted things to keep moving forward.

And as of now, they were.

* * *

"What time will you be home tonight?" Mellie asked tiredly, lying in bed and watching him get ready.

Fitz buttoned his shirt, looking in the mirror with furrowed eyebrows at his long hair. He'd just showered so he still had to style it, but his curls were so long.

"Uh…let me think. Karen's choir rehearsal gets done at…6:30 right?" he confirmed, running his hand through his hair.

_Jesus, it was really unruly today. _

"Yeah," Mellie nodded. "I have an early day today, so I'll be home early. But I can go back out and get her if you need me to."

"Um…no, that should be fine. I can grab her on my way home," he replied.

"Okay. Late day today…or?" she inquired, looking at him curiously.

"Um…no, actually. I'm just going to see Olivia after work," he answered, flipping up his collar.

She nodded silently, looking down at the bed. "Ah. Got it."

He cleared his throat awkwardly, looking at her through the mirror as he started tying his tie. "Sorry. I wasn't going to _not_ be honest about it."

"Yeah," she replied, lying back in bed, looking up at the ceiling. "All right. Um. Do you want to pick up dinner on your way home?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Well. Maybe over dinner…we can talk to Karen," she suggested.

He completely stopped tying his tie, looking at her through the mirror, confused. But she was still staring up at the ceiling, so he turned around, coming to stand closer to her.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, you heard me," she said, glancing over at him.

"Really…?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that? You were the one pushing for this way before I was. Way before even our conversation last night."

"Well…yeah. I…that's why I'm surprised. I…didn't want to do anything until you…were feeling comfortable with it, I guess," he said, tightening his tie. "And I didn't get the sense last night that...you were ready yet."

"Well, honestly Fitz, that's the thing. I don't think I'm ever going to be comfortable with it. I don't know how to feel..._ready_ for it. It scares the hell out of me, and it's going to no matter when we do it. All I do is think about it nonstop — as I'm sure you do. So...she might, too. And I don't want that. I never…got that conversation with my parents. And…even if it hurts her...at least she'll have gotten the conversation. She'll know…what's going on. Right...? You told her last week before everything happened that we were going to be more honest with her about us going forward. So let's just...do it then. I've been...in the way of this. I get that. So...I'm saying I'm sorry, and...maybe I can change that now."

"Well, I c_ouldn't _agree more," he nodded, giving her a genuine look. "Like I was saying last night, I don't think there's going to be a 'right' time. I think it's going to be a difficult conversation no matter what."

She nodded in agreement. "Okay then."

"Okay," he nodded back.

She studied him, sighing. "I do want to make it abundantly clear — that I'm terrified, and I don't know how to do this."

"All we have to do is be honest with her," he said gently.

Mellie glanced up at him nervously. "I know. That's what I'm afraid of. The truth hurts."

"Sometimes. But it's also for the best," he replied. "You...know that now. Right? Remember? We...we agree with each other _all the time?"_

She shot him a look and saw his joking smile.

"Yeah. _All the time," _she said sarcastically.

He headed back to the bathroom, dress shirt tucked in and suit jacket on, going to do his hair finally.

"We'll get through this, Mellie."

"Yeah," she said.

He ran his product-covered fingers through his hair, getting his curls under control.

"I think...maybe K and I should take my mom up on her spring break offer," Mellie said loud enough for him to hear. "Girls week...in Florida. I think maybe it could be...exactly what she needs after everything she's gone through recently. _Especially_ if we sit her down to talk tonight, too."

He nodded, finishing up in the bathroom. "Yeah. I think that could be good. Have you talked to her about it?"

"No, not yet. Maybe we can talk about that tonight too. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to. But I think she may jump at the chance for something like that. You know how she loves girls' trips, and it's been a couple months since our last one," Mellie said.

"Yeah," he agreed. "That's a good idea."

"Yes it is; it was my mom's idea."

"Alright. We'll bring that up tonight, too," he said, coming out of the bathroom. "I gotta go. I'll see you tonight. For...for dinner."

She nodded, giving him a nervous sigh.

"I'll check on K before I head out. See if she's up early again," he said, buttoning his jacket.

"Okay. See you tonight then."

"See you."

He headed down the hall, opening Karen's bedroom door quietly.

She stirred, turning to look at him tiredly. For the last week, she'd still been on her pain medication routine — which did have her sleep schedule a little bit messed up.

"Daddy."

"Hi, baby. I'm sorry — did I wake you?"

"No. I've been...half-awake," she replied.

"Okay. How do you feel today?" he asked.

"I feel good," Karen said, smiling.

"Oh, that's _great_, honey. I just wanted to check on you quickly before I left for work. Your smoothie's in the fridge, okay? Make sure you have some with your meds."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, dad," Karen said.

"You're welcome. I'll see you tonight — have a good day at school."

"Thanks! See you tonight."

He left her door ajar and made his way downstairs and out the door — giving Hank a treat before he left.

With a day of work ahead of him, his mind was somewhere between his job and his home life — trying to figure out how to go about that conversation with Karen later. He was beyond ecstatic about it. About the fact that Mellie agreed it was about time to sit down and have a talk. But just like her, he was nervous, too — for how Karen would take it.

He'd have a whole day to think about it beforehand — about the best possible way to go about it.

Hopefully, he'd come up with something.

* * *

Fitz laid there, holding Olivia close on top of his chest.

He was so relaxed — he could almost fall asleep like that. He didn't, because his time with her these days felt precious. He didn't want to waste it sleeping.

"What are you thinking about?" he whispered, looking down at her. He studied her face.

She shrugged. "Just...everything. You. K. The...progress you've made with Mellie."

"Mhm. What about it specifically?" he asked, stroking her cheek with his thumb.

"I'm just...I'm so happy about it," she nodded, smiling. "And I guess I'm nervous, too — especially about the conversation with Karen tonight. I know _I'm _not the one sitting down and talking about it — but it's just...an important conversation. And I'm afraid of the same thing you and Mellie are afraid of."

"I know," he replied. "You know I'll let you know how everything goes as soon as I can."

"I know, baby. Thank you for...always keeping me in the loop about everything."

"Of course. It's...the least I can do. Literally...the least I can do. I would never want you to feel even more...shut out than I know you already do," he said sadly.

"Yeah," Olivia nodded solemnly.

He sighed, looking down at her face. She wasn't looking at him right now — she was looking down. Her face was resting on his upper chest and her arms were wrapped tightly around him.

Her long eyelashes fluttered up and down as she blinked. Her cute nose and perfect lips were visible to him, too. She was so beautiful.

But he felt a pit in his stomach, at her solemn tone. "I'm so sorry about that. I'm...I wish you knew just how sorry I am."

"I do know," Olivia nodded quietly, reaching out to hold his left hand. His right one was already around her.

She examined the band on his ring finger — the band that signified that he was married.

And to Olivia — probably a reminder that he wasn't hers on paper.

And to Fitz — a reminder that made him cringe.

His ring caught the light shining through the window — and it shined back at the both of them as they examined it.

"I'm trying, Olivia," he whispered. "I'm trying _so_ hard. To do this as quickly as I can. But...to do it right, too."

"I know that too, honey," Olivia nodded, looking up at him.

"I've been walking this line between trying to guide Mellie along so that we can be this...united team for Karen, and yet...doing it as fast as I can. Sometimes it feels like...slow and steady is going to win the race. Mellie is finally coming along. She's agreeing with me — we're having _such_ productive conversations and...making plans. And...we're doing it all while staying calm and...amiable, for our daughter. And that's all...good. But...there isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish things were...fucking _over_ with, and that I got to...see you every day. So I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm just fucking sorry. I'm trying so hard to do what's...what's best. And it doesn't always feel that way. I know that."

Olivia shook her head. "You know that all I ever want is what's best for Karen, Fitz."

Fitz nodded at her.

"And I think you _are_ doing what's best for Karen. In fact — I _know_ you are. You are the best father to her, and that is one of my favorite things about you," she said, running her finger over his cheek lightly.

He gave her a cute smile.

"And...I'm with you. I know what you're going through, because I'm walking a line too. I have to be _really_ patient. And I can be, don't get me wrong. If I couldn't be...I would have had problems a long time ago. In no way, shape, or form, do I want your separation and divorce to go badly, or less than amicably. You know I want it to go smoothly, and I want Karen to be okay through it all. That's...honestly, my number one concern. I've _hated_ all the pain that I've caused, and I hope to God there isn't more to go around," she nodded. "But...there's another half of me in this situation, too. The half that just...fucking wants you. That's the other side of that line for me. You're mine. Yet...you're not. I'm the one you want to talk to — but our phone calls and visits are rushed sometimes. I'm the one you want to be with — but not the one you come home to. I'm the one you want to have sex with — but not the one you fall asleep next to. Well — I want all of that. Not just half of it. And I know it's coming — that's what I get to look forward to. Believe me — I am. I _really_ am. But...if I'm being honest, it_ is_ hard to keep staying patient. That's why...I'm _so_ happy that Mellie is coming around."

He looked at her regrettably and sat up, bringing her with him.

"Olivia."

She looked at him, awaiting what he said.

"I _am _yours. I belong to you. In every way that counts, and...and soon, in _every_ way. _You_ are what my mind goes to when I don't get to talk to you, or...or sleep next to you. You are...you are just _everything_ to me. I know this isn't fair. And I know it's hard to keep staying patient. I'm...so sorry about that, and I wish there was...something I could do to move this along more quickly. Believe me — I would do..._anything_. You don't deserve this. At all. But...I just never want you to forget that...although our situation may say otherwise currently — I am completely, and _always._..yours."

She nodded silently, cupping his cheek with her hand.

"Do you hear me?" he whispered, trying to meet her eyes.

"I do," she nodded, leaning her head into his chest.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he said, hugging her tightly. "I'm so sorry. I just can't say it enough."

She shook her head. "Fitz, you don't need to keep apologizing. It's okay. We're in a _much_ better spot now than we _ever _have been, and believe me…I'm so excited about that. I've felt _so_ much happier about things lately."

"Yes. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't apologize, or that…you don't have the right to feel the way you do. You've been waiting...a long time. And that's never going to be fair. Or okay. And I'm never going to be able to...give you this time back, and that's — I'm just so sorry about that. I don't know how to...how to fix that, and I wish I did."

She laughed, shaking her head. "Well, part of this is just me being irrationally impatient. Now that…she's on the same page as you, I think I'm starting to really see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light being…you, by the way. And…it's making me all the more excited, which…in turn, makes me all the more impatient, I think."

"Well, nothing about that is irrational at all," he replied. "I'm feeling the same way, so…I can only imagine how you are feeling."

She studied his apologetic face, and pressed her lips gently to his, sighing lightly against them.

He closed his eyes, kissing her back.

"I'm clearly just feeling…very in love with you," she whispered, kissing him again. "That's a big reason behind all this…impatience."

He smiled, eyes flickering between her lips and her eyes as he touched his lips to hers again.

"Well…_fuck me,_ then," he whispered.

"Yeah, _fuck you," _she teased, kissing him again.

She felt his soft breath lightly against her lips, as he leaned his forehead against hers.

"How are your cramps?" he asked quietly.

"Crampy," she said, giving him a disgusted look.

He gave her a sad look back. "Is there anything I can do to...make it better?"

She smiled. "You already brought me hot chocolate — that's plenty! Although...I _guess_ you could kiss me again. That always makes me feel better too."

He smiled back, and opened his mouth against hers. She was quick to slide her tongue inside.

His hands slid down to her ass, pulling her more into his body as they sat there on her bed.

It soon became more of a makeout; it never took them very long before that escalated.

He held her to his body, flipping her over slowly to lay her back down. This time — on top of her rather than under her.

His hands went from her hips to her sides, running along the top of her sweater slowly.

One of his hands ran over her chest, lingering on her breast. But he focused much more of his attention on kissing her. They were slow, but passionate kisses that seemed to go on forever.

By the time they pulled away for breath, they were breathing much harder. Olivia licked her lips, letting out slow, steady breaths.

She pulled his head gently down by his neck, and he settled in snugly in between her neck and shoulder. He breathed hard against her skin, pressing a kiss to her neck.

One of Fitz's hands was resting above him, underneath Olivia's pillow. His other hand, though, was still on her chest. He slowly ran it over her breasts and then up to her chin. He held her chin and tilted it upward, allowing him to kiss his way across her neck.

"Mmm," she moaned, looking so relaxed.

"Is this helping?" he murmured, continuing his kisses up her jawline.

"Yes. Very much so," she replied, tangling her fingers in his hair.

He smiled against her skin, switching sides. His hand then moved above her as well, sliding underneath her pillow. That pretty much trapped her underneath him — and she seemed perfectly content with that.

She laid there, feeling a little crappy, but having her boyfriend on top of her kissing her — that was something to celebrate.

Eventually, they heard the front door open, knowing that it was Greta.

Fitz didn't even move though, he just kept right on.

"Hey, Liv! Guess what!" Greta asked.

"Hmm?" Olivia asked, as loudly as she could.

Fitz finally stopped, looking up at the door, where they now heard Greta just outside of it.

"Wait a second. Is boyfriend in there?" Greta asked.

"Identify yourself," Olivia giggled.

"Hey, Greta. It's me — Fitz, also known as boyfriend," Fitz greeted, resting his head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Oh, shit! Sorry to interrupt!" Greta apologized.

"No, it's okay. We're just laying here being lazy, what's up?" Olivia asked. "You can come in."

Greta opened the door quietly, seeing both of them looking dead to the world. Fitz's face was barely visible because it was buried in Olivia's shoulder and Olivia's was barely visible because Fitz's arms were on either side, hands underneath her pillows.

They both turned to look at Greta, though, now that she had entered the room.

"Oh my God, I can barely see you guys," Greta laughed. "Y'all are clearly thriving."

"Oh yeah. Big time," Olivia laughed, playing with Fitz's curls.

"Nice to see you, Greta," Fitz said, giving her a smile.

"Nice to see you too! Okay, sorry, this is completely unimportant and I would not have interrupted you guys with it if I knew you were here, Fitz. However — guess who got the job."

Olivia gasped. "You did?!"

"Yes!" Greta replied. "You are talking to the new desk clerk at Brown and Whitley. Well. Over the summer."

"Oh my God! Greta, that's so amazing, congrats!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Aww, congratulations!" Fitz echoed. "That's big news!"

"Thank you! It probably helped that I had a connection there. But...the interview process was still very intense, honestly. It's going to be great experience for me going into undergrad, I think," Greta said.

"Yes, that's going to be an amazing experience," Olivia nodded. "I'm so glad you came in here — that isn't unimportant at all!"

"Well, I didn't want to interrupt," Greta apologized. "I'll leave you guys be now, but I'm just so excited."

"As you should be!" Fitz said.

"Yes. Well, we'll be out in a bit, okay? I have cramps so I can only lay in one spot doing nothing for so long. Especially with a large man on top of me," Olivia nodded.

He looked down at her, smiling. "Well — baby, do you want me to get up?"

Olivia gasped. "Don't you dare."

Fitz chuckled, shaking his head at Greta.

"Sometimes I get these...these mixed messages, Greta."

Greta was laughing. "Yeah, see, boyfriend, us women can do that sometimes."

"Oh, yes, I'm very aware," he nodded, kissing Olivia's forehead.

"You guys are so cute," Greta smiled. "Okay. Sorry. Ya girl will just be out here doing some homework."

They bid goodbye to Greta and returned to the silence of her room, just the two of them.

He looked down at her, tracing her soft cheek with his finger.

"Speaking of homework — have things calmed down a bit at school? I hate it when you're so stressed," he whispered, kissing her cheek.

"Yeah, I'm doing a little better. Things will be better once spring break hits — but it's going to busier before then," she nodded.

"Mhm, right," he nodded. "I'm glad you're staying here over spring break. You'll get a chance to relax. And hey, um...maybe you and I can even go on a few dates."

"Oooo, I am so down with that," she smiled. "What are your plans, by the way? Have you decided yet?"

"Yeah, I'm going to house sit for my mom, I think. I know, fun, right?" he chuckled.

"Um...yes? House sit in your beautiful Hamptons home? Absolutely. You should just...stay there all week since you're going to work from home that week anyway. That's like a vacation in itself — isn't it?"

He laughed. "I probably will, to be honest. That's...quite a drive there and back just to water a few plants here and there and take out the trash, so...I probably will just stay there for the week — take Hank with me. Not like there will be anybody in Rye, anyway, because...I think K's gonna be gone with Mellie and her family for a girl's week in Florida."

"Oh really? Well that's fun! Right? I think...K could use that. Especially with...the conversation tonight," Olivia said.

"Yeah, that's...exactly what we thought, too," he nodded. "She loves going away with 'the girls; I think it makes her feel grown-up. And...who doesn't love going somewhere warm when it's...you know, cold here."

"Definitely," she agreed. "I'm jealous. Florida sounds wonderful right now. And so does...where your mom's going."

"Turks and Caicos? Yeah. She and her girlfriends have their favorite resorts they stay at together there, and throughout the Caribbean."

"See — that right there is goals. I hope when I'm her age I'm picking one of my favorite island resorts to stay at whenever I want with my girlfriends," Olivia laughed. "That's...Queen energy."

He laughed in response. "Oh, I can most definitely see that happening with that big brain of yours," he said, poking her forehead, which had her giggling.

"You're going to be the most successful person I know — and I'm going to feel like...a _celebrity_ for being with you," he nodded.

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh you think so, huh?" she laughed. "A celebrity?"

"Yep," he nodded confidently.

She was smiling so big. "Well, baby, I really appreciate that. But I hope I don't disappoint you in the future if I'm not the most successful person you know — because holy shit, you know a lot of successful people. _You_ are an insanely successful person."

"Well, thank you, Liv, but I'm very confident in what I said. And also — you could never disappoint me. Ever."

"I hope not!"

"So...then, when you're the most successful person in all of New York City — maybe you can um...bring _me_ on some of those island trips with you, too," he said, smiling.

She smiled back. "You know you're the _first_ person I'm going to want to go with, baby."

"I like the sound of that. _And_ um...the thought, too. You...in a bathing suit...somewhere tropical. I mean...I don't think there would be _anything_ better than that."

Now she was laughing again. "Add tropical, fruity booze to the equation too."

"Oh, yeah, okay. I could...I could do that," he chuckled. "Can I ask...how much experience you've had with tropical, fruity booze?"

"Tropical? None. Fruity? Too much, I think," she laughed.

He raised his eyebrows. "Oh, now I'm curious. Do tell."

"Baby, think back to your high school days. Or...no, I forgot how innocent and adorable you were. Your _college_ days. What shitty, cheap booze did you manage to get your hands on?" she asked.

He was chuckling, shaking his head. "First of all — I wasn't _that_ innocent in high school."

"Oh really? You're gonna have to prove it to me, because I think we've already confirmed otherwise," she said.

He thought back. "Uh...shit. I wasn't prepared to...have evidence to back that up."

She cracked up. "You're so adorable."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Laugh it up," he nodded.

"I'm serious, you're very sweet now so I can only imagine the sweetness of your high school self. If we had gone to school together at the same time, I would most definitely have dated you."

Now it was his turn to crack up.

"What?!" she asked.

"Baby — please tell me you don't actually think that," he said.

"Um...yes, I do? I fucking love you — you're an angel. I would have corrupted your innocent, angelic ass the moment I _met_ you."

He chuckled. "Noooo way. Do you know how out of my league you would have been? And...still are?"

She furrowed her eyebrows. "You're kidding, right? Look at you. You look like...a fucking gift from God, himself."

He opened his mouth in awe, shaking his head. "Says you!"

"What do you mean says me?!" she exclaimed. "Plus — you were the star quarterback and all that business."

"Okay — that's very misleading. I _was_ the quarterback, but...our football team sucked, and I was a _major_ nerd," he said. "And like _you_ weren't the star of your basketball team?"

"Barely," she laughed. "And I was a nerd, too! Or — _still_ am! But I do want to clarify that even though I'm a nerd, I would have still corrupted your innocent ass."

"And I'm sure I would have loved every second of it — _if_ you would have given me a chance," he said.

She scoffed. "You are really sold on that, aren't you?"

"Yes," he nodded. "Nothing will change my mind — I'm sure of it."

"Hmmm. Okay — well, nothing can change my mind either," she said.

"That's okay, we can...agree to disagree," he chuckled, smiling down at her.

"Alright, I'm down with that," she nodded, leaning her head up and kissing his nose.

He smiled down at her adoringly.

"But I am still curious about...your abundant experience with fruity booze," he added, raising an eyebrow.

She laughed. "Oh, it's nothing very exciting. I've never been one to be a crazy drinker. I'm usually...the one that takes care of the crazy drinkers, actually."

"Yes, I can relate to that," he chuckled. "And I would expect nothing less of you."

"But, of course, I've tried my fair share. We all experiment a little bit, even before...we probably should," she shrugged.

"Yes," he nodded. "I did experiment with alcohol in high school too, by the way. I would have glasses of wine here and there with my mom. She was cool with it. And...I may have dug around the liquor cabinet a few times...behind her back. I was curious. I just...never went too far until I got to college. Which I kind of regret."

"Right. My mom has always been cool with it too. She actually preferred that...I know my limit before I went off on my own, you know? She certainly didn't encourage me to go...drinking with friends or anything, but she wasn't against me having a drink with her at home every once in a while, as long as I wasn't driving anywhere. She wanted me to have some experience with it beforehand so that I didn't go off on my own and...have no idea how it would affect me, you know?"

"Yeah. And I think that's a good approach. Because...not knowing your limit can get you into some bad situations," he said.

"Mhm," she agreed.

He looked at her intently, studying her pretty face.

"What?" she asked, smiling.

"Nothing. I was just looking at you."

"Hmm," she replied contently, touching his cheek.

"Hey," he whispered, planting a light kiss on her lips.

"Hmm?" she smiled.

"You...want a reminder?"

She gasped. "Of course I do! I love reminders."

He smiled and started kissing her lips, and her cheeks. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, returning his kisses. "So much."

"So much," he whispered, looking down at her.

He touched his lips lightly to hers, and waited for her to kiss him again.

He sighed contently against her lips when she, inevitably, kissed him back, and the kissing continued.

They could kiss each other all damn day.

And it was just so comfortable. So nice.

So there, in her dark bedroom, they spent a few more minutes in bed, sharing kisses.

"Wanna go talk to Greta a bit before you leave?" she whispered, pressing her lips to his again.

He nodded, kissing her back. "Absolutely."

"Okay. Just a couple more and then we'll get up," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He chuckled against her lips. He wouldn't complain.

But soon, they did get up, so he could put a few things back on before they headed out of her room.

He sat on the edge of her bed and she sat on his lap, tying his tie for him.

He held her tightly in his lap, smiling down at her fingers as she tied it.

"How'd you learn how to do this?" he asked her.

"My uncle Frank," she replied. "He's a big tie guy."

"Ahh," Fitz nodded, admiring her work. "Well — I think you're...better than I am. Actually...fuck, I _know_ you're better than I am."

She laughed. "Guess that's just another reason you need me."

"One of many," he said, leaning in for a kiss.

She kissed him back, smiling at him intently before standing up.

He smoothed out his shirt and adjusted it, making sure it was all tucked into his pants.

She held his suit jacket out for him and he slipped it on, one arm at a time — followed by his dress coat. And then they headed out to the main sitting area, where Greta was doing her homework.

"Oh, hey you guys!" she greeted.

"Hey!" they said.

"I was worried for a bit — I thought I heard some arguing in there," Greta said, typing away on her laptop.

Olivia laughed. "Oh — you're right, you did. We were arguing because he thinks if we went to school together at the same time that I wouldn't have dated him!"

"There is no way. She's completely out of my league," Fitz nodded at Greta. "I'm standing my ground on this one."

"Ohhh, a little feud, huh?" Greta laughed, looking up at them.

"Yes. I mean, come on. He's obviously wrong," Olivia said.

Fitz scoffed, wrapping his arm around her. "Oh — that's how you're playing it?"

"Absolutely!" she exclaimed.

"Olivia. I am...a _grown ass _man, and I _still_ could never flirt with you to save my life," he said.

"Okay — well you can't be _that_ hard on yourself, our situation isn't exactly normal," she pointed out.

"No — but I'm pretty sure _you_ don't suck at flirting," he replied.

"That's...debatable," she shrugged.

"What? No it isn't. You're...you're a great flirter," he said, almost hurt at her comment.

Greta was cracking up. "You two. These are the most hilarious arguments I've ever heard."

"Okay — but I totally win, right? He's cute, and smart, and nice — how would I _not_ have dated him?" Olivia asked.

"Because...my awkwardness would have scared you away," he said.

She shrugged, starting to smile. "Okay. Well...I _guess_ you _did_ barely speak to me for like...two and a half days when we first met."

Now Fitz turned to Greta, mouth open in awe, which had her laughing harder.

"Well..._obviously_ not. I didn't...want to be weird. And...look at how beautiful she is, how was I supposed to...speak actual words to her?" he asked Greta, who was now just about on the floor laughing.

Olivia was dying next to him, too.

"Yeah, he's...he's not a _huge_ word person," Olivia giggled, rubbing his arm.

"But...I am with you," he said, frowning.

"Well _now_, maybe. But you're still a man of very few words in general, baby."

"Oh. Well...yeah. Fair," he agreed. "But...anyway — you just proved my point more."

"No I didn't! You've always been introverted and I've always been extroverted — that clearly doesn't affect us now, so it wouldn't have ever mattered!" she pointed out.

Greta was still cracking up. "You guys are hilarious. And so cute."

"Thank you! I do wish he would listen to me though," Olivia said, tilting her head at Fitz.

He just smiled cutely, tightening his grip around her. "I'm standing my ground on this one. But...it doesn't really matter anyway. Because that's...some alternate reality. And...this one's the only one that matters, because in this reality, we're for _sure_ together."

Greta put her hand on her heart. "Aww!"

"Well that's very sweet, Fitz," she said, leaning her head into his arm. "See — now I can't even be mad at him for spewing such nonsense before."

He chuckled, shaking his head.

"You are something else," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you," she nodded. "You have to go?"

He looked down at his watch and nodded. "Yeah. Unfortunately."

"Okay."

"Greta — always a pleasure," Fitz said.

"Of course! Good to see you," she replied.

"Yeah, you too," he nodded, as Olivia took his hand.

They stopped by the front door, and he grabbed his briefcase.

"I'll be in touch later, okay?" he asked.

"Okay," she nodded gratefully. "Thank you. I'm _so_ hoping everything goes well, baby."

"Me too," he replied quietly. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, accepting a kiss from him, followed by a hug. "Goodbye, my smiley."

"Bye," he said, pecking her cheek.

And then he was gone — headed to Grand Central where he'd head back to Rye, to grab Karen from school before going home.

And then — who knew how the night would end. He could only hope that it would go well — especially for Karen's sake.

* * *

"What'd you learn at school today?" Fitz asked, looking at his daughter in the rearview mirror.

She sat in thought. "Hmmm...oh! Well, I learned about some of the properties of matter."

He nodded, impressed. "Oh, yeah? That's awesome. So what are they?"

He smiled, knowing she always enjoyed being tested.

"Well, they are things you can measure. Like...density. And volume, and temperature. Oh, and color, too. There are more than that, but those are the ones we focused on today."

"Very good," he nodded. "And what's matter?"

She laughed. "Dad, that's so easy. It's anything that takes up space!"

He chuckled. "I was just testing you, my little scientist."

She smiled, looking at him proudly. "I really am gonna be a scientist one day, daddy."

He grew even prouder of her, if that was possible.

"That sounds pretty awesome to me," he said. "You can be _whatever_ you want to be. You always remember that, okay?"

"Whatever I set my mind to," she nodded, remembering what he and Mellie always told her.

"That's right," he nodded. "Whatever you set your mind to."

"Is your job now always what you wanted to do?" she asked curiously.

He shrugged. "More or less. My field is pretty broad, so there's quite a bit I could have done. But yes...I do like my job a lot."

"And you're...the best at it in the world. Aren't you," she said, smiling.

He chuckled. "Well, the world has a lot of people like me in it, so maybe I can't take..._that_ much credit. But between you and me...yeah. Dad's pretty good at his job."

She giggled, seeing him wink at her in the mirror.

"I knew it. You and mom both are," she said.

"That's right, mom is _great_ at her job. You better tell her that when we get home — it would make her day," he said, pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant he was stopping for dinner at.

"I will," Karen nodded. "Can I come in with you, dad?"

"Sure, baby," he said, unbuckling his seatbelt.

It was Karen's favorite restaurant in town, so she loved to go in when they had the chance.

They grabbed their takeout and headed home, where Mellie was waiting with the table already set.

"Hey, mom," Karen greeted, setting her backpack down by the table.

Hank came over happily to greet Karen and Fitz, tail wagging crazily at the sight of his favorite little girl.

"My Hank!" Karen greeted, petting his head affectionately.

Fitz chuckled, leaning down and giving his back a few pats as he walked by.

"Hi honey," Mellie smiled, leaning down to hug Karen. "How was school today?"

"It was good," she nodded.

"You've been feeling good, too?" Mellie asked, rubbing her arms.

"Mhm," Karen nodded. "Look at my scar. It's almost healed."

She pulled her jacket aside and lifted up her little sweatshirt, revealing part of the healing scar.

Her staples had only recently been removed at the doctor's, so she was newly fascinated with the way it looked. They supposed it was better that she was fascinated rather than horrified — because that scar wasn't going anywhere.

"Oh, yes, the doctors did such a good job, didn't they?" Mellie asked, examining it.

"Yeah," Karen agreed. "Now it _really_ looks like dad's. Except mine is still more red."

"Mhm," Fitz nodded. "When it heals fully, it won't be so red anymore. It's healing really well, though!"

"And it doesn't hurt too much anymore. I think...I could do gym class again soon."

"Well, we've got to stick with what Doctor Bauer says, though, honey. It's very important that you don't do anything too strenuous yet. We just want to be careful," Mellie said.

Karen sighed. "Yeah. I know. I just miss gym."

"I know, honey. But you'll get there again," Mellie assured her. "I promise."

"Well, I guess I have to listen to you, because you _are_ the best at your job," Karen said, smiling at her mother.

Mellie laughed, looking over at Fitz who was unloading the food. He looked back, nodding at her seriously.

"Oh, you think so, huh?" Mellie asked.

"Yep. Me and dad know it," Karen nodded.

Mellie looked over at Fitz again and he smiled at her briefly. Mellie flashed him a grateful look — one that he knew was truly very genuine.

She was still having a tough time forgiving herself for what had happened with Karen. And so was Fitz, for that matter. It would take time, and they knew that. But he knew hearing something like that from Karen, herself, probably felt good to Mellie.

"Well, you are just so sweet," Mellie said, kissing her forehead. "I try my hardest! Alright, why don't you feed your pup and then go wash up for dinner, okay?"

"Mmkay," Karen nodded, heading to grab Hank's food bowl.

When she went upstairs to wash up, Mellie looked at Fitz nervously.

"Well. Here we go. About to ruin the adorably happy mood she's always in," Mellie whispered, helping him dole out their food.

"Relax," Fitz whispered.

"Are _you_ relaxed?" Mellie asked genuinely.

Fitz shook his head. "Of course I'm not. When on earth am I _ever_ relaxed?"

Mellie nodded. "Good point."

"I think we should both talk," he whispered. "It will sound better coming from both of us together than just one of us. I can...I can start, if you want."

"Um...okay," Mellie nodded. "Okay."

They only had a few minutes for that discussion. To briefly summarize what needed to be said tonight, and how they'd go about it. But truly, all it was — was the truth. It wasn't something that they needed an eternity to go over. Being honest was all they needed to do.

So, after they started eating and made a little small talk amongst themselves like normal, Fitz looked over at Karen and prepared himself, as Mellie eyed him, too.

"Hey...sweetheart," Fitz said.

Karen looked up.

"Yeah?" she asked, chewing thoughtfully.

"Mom and I actually...wanted to talk to you tonight about something. Is that okay?" he asked.

She stopped chewing, looking between her parents nervously.

"Did I...do something wrong?" Karen asked.

"Oh, baby, no. You did nothing wrong," Mellie said.

"It's nothing you did, K. It's actually about...mom and me," Fitz nodded. "Remember, we told you...we were going to be more open with you going forward. And we meant that."

"Okay..." Karen replied, putting her fork down. She looked at them curiously.

_Oh dear Jesus._

Fitz was nervous. His heart was beating fast, and he could hear the nervousness in his voice. But at the same time, he was still ready. He'd wanted this for so long, and this was a huge step to take. One of the biggest ones there was. He was ready for this. And he truly believed Karen would be too.

"Well. You've...mentioned a couple times now that...you've noticed how we have arguments sometimes. And that...we've pretended before," Fitz said.

Karen nodded slowly, still looking between them nervously.

"We just want to tell you that you are right. We do do that," he nodded. "And that's not something that moms and dads are supposed to do."

Karen kept nodding at them, but remained silent.

He looked at Mellie, wondering if she wanted to jump in yet. She took it as a cue and started talking. He could hear the nervousness in her voice even more than he could hear it in his.

"See, daddy and I...we've been married since you were just a baby," Mellie began.

"Yeah...you got married after you had me," Karen replied.

"Yes, yes we did, that's right," Fitz nodded.

"Right. Because we wanted to be the _best_ parents for you. Because we just love you _so_ _much!"_ Mellie said with a smile.

Karen smiled back.

"But..." Mellie began, before pausing. She looked at Fitz, unable to find her words.

She looked like she was going to struggle, so Fitz tried to help her out.

"But sometimes...people _shouldn't_ be married. Sometimes, they're just not..._right_ for each other," Fitz explained. "Even if they're moms and dads together — it doesn't always mean...they should be husbands and wives together."

Mellie nodded in agreement, and they both stopped talking then, to see how Karen would react. She wasn't eating anymore; she was looking down at her food with a straight face, but still nodding.

"You are trying to tell me that...you are not good at being married," Karen stated, peering up at them nervously.

Fitz held his breath, looking over at Mellie.

"Yes. That's...what we're trying to tell you, honey," Mellie said, to which Fitz nodded.

Karen swallowed nervously, and nodded. "Yeah. I...already knew that."

Fitz looked at Mellie and he could tell she was a little taken aback. He was too. He also felt a mix of sadness, and relief. Sadness, because she was a smart kid, and she'd been living with this in her head for who knew how long. Relief, though, because perhaps after this conversation was over, it wouldn't hit her as hard as they feared it might. Not if she'd already processed that bit of it.

"How long have you known that, K?" Fitz asked gently.

She shrugged, playing with her food with her fork.

"I don't know. A while. I heard your fights for a long time. And then...you would always act happy in front of me. So...I would know it wasn't _real_ happy. It was...pretending," Karen said.

Both had heard that from her already for the most part, but it still made them sigh in defeat. In shame.

"We're so sorry that we kept that from you. We should have..._never_ pretended. And you should have never had to hear us fighting" Fitz said.

Karen shrugged in response. "It's okay."

Mellie shook her head. "No, baby. It isn't okay. That was _wrong_ of dad and me. Because we kept the truth from you. We lied. And...lying isn't a good thing to do."

Karen nodded, eyeing them both. "I knew you were trying to do the right thing. I knew...you were trying to be a good mom and a good dad to me."

Fitz sighed, looking at his daughter intently. So mature, so intelligent. Maybe too much for her own good sometimes, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

"Well, thank you for saying that, honey. You're a very big girl, and...I think mom and I forget that sometimes. Because — we just remember when you were _so_ little!" he said, trying to get her smiling again.

She did smile at her parents. And she looked so old sitting there, nodding at her parents.

"I know. I'm still sort of little. But...I _am_ going to be 11 this year," she said, matter-of-factly.

Fitz and Mellie laughed.

"I know, I can't believe it!" Fitz exclaimed.

"Neither can I!" Mellie agreed.

Karen smiled, but then looked down at her plate again. Everyone waited for the conversation to continue, so Fitz jumped in again.

"So," Fitz began. "Mom and I are trying to do the right thing now. What we should have done a long time ago."

"...Telling me?" Karen asked.

"Yes. But also...mom and I are going to think about...separating. Do you know what that means?" Fitz asked.

Karen thought for a second. "I know what...divorcing means. So...separating is what comes first? Like...you will be more..._separate_ from each other."

They both nodded in agreement.

"Yes, exactly right. How do you feel about that?" Mellie asked.

"Well...aren't you...already separated?" Karen asked. "You don't sleep in the same bed anymore like my friends' parents do."

_Fuck._

Mellie looked at Fitz with raised eyebrows.

"How did you know that, honey?" Mellie asked.

Karen shrugged. "Because. Daddy has some of his things in the basement. And...I've heard him come up in the mornings before."

Fitz almost wanted to chuckle out loud. _She. Heard. Everything!_

But this wasn't the point of the conversation, so he moved it along.

"Well, we do sleep in different beds now. But...separation is a little more than just that," Fitz explained. "It also means...we live in different places."

Karen looked at him, processing.

"Oh."

Fitz eyed Mellie, seeing the nervousness in her eyes.

"What are you thinking, honey?" Mellie asked again.

"I guess...that will be weird," Karen said quietly.

"It will be a little different," Fitz agreed. "But...in the end, that's what's going to be the best for _everyone."_

"So...will we live in this house still?" Karen asked worriedly. "And what about...my school? Do I have to switch?"

"No, no, honey. Nothing like that. You get to stay living here, and going to your school," Mellie assured her. "We haven't talked through all of the details yet. But the only thing that would change is...you'd have another house somewhere else. With daddy."

Karen nodded slowly.

"...Where?"

"I'm not sure yet, baby. Like mom said, there are details we haven't...talked about yet. We just wanted to be very honest with you upfront, so that...you knew what was going to happen, and...you weren't surprised. Because you should _get_ to know. We're not going to keep things from you _anymore," _Fitz said.

Karen looked down at the table, sitting back in her chair awkwardly.

Fitz felt nervous, because her demeanor now was much different than it had been throughout most of their conversation. She'd been pretty understanding and not surprised — until now. Now it seemed, she was truly understanding everything they were saying. All of its implications. Not just what was going on, but what that _meant._

Her bottom lip started to tremble, and that's when Fitz's heart sunk.

"Oh, no, honey. Don't cry," Mellie said, getting up from her chair.

Fitz got up too. His appetite was gone anyway.

"Sorry," Karen whimpered, wiping her face embarrassedly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. _We_ are the ones that are sorry," Fitz said, crouching down on the other side of her.

He and Mellie were on either side of her, trying to comfort her as best they could.

"I get it. It makes sense to me," Karen nodded, wiping her tears quickly. "I am okay."

"Karen," Fitz said gently, squeezing her hand.

"Hmm?" she murmured.

"If you're not okay — that's okay. You can tell us if you're not. We know this is a lot to take in," Fitz said.

She shook her head, sniffling. "I am okay. I just...wasn't thinking it would mean things had to — be very different."

"They _will_ be a little different," Mellie nodded. "But guess what?"

"Hm?" she asked, wiping her tearful eyes.

"You will still have the both of us. _Always_. You'll still have your favorite little pup. And no matter if we all live in the same house our not — you will always be _our_ daughter. And we will _always_ love you more than anything in the world. You know that, right?" Mellie asked.

Karen nodded immediately. "Yes — yes. I know that."

"Good," Mellie said, smiling.

"You know what mom and I were talking about last night?" Fitz asked.

"What?"

"We were talking about how you were the _best_ thing to ever happen to us in our _entire_ lives," Fitz said, giving her a smile.

Now Karen's smile started to show, as she looked back and forth between her parents.

"I am?" she asked.

_"Of course_ you are," Mellie said, rubbing her back.

"By _far,"_ Fitz nodded. "We love you so much. And we always will. Just like mom said."

Karen nodded at her parents, and flashed them both a smile. "I love you both, too."

Fitz and Mellie smiled.

"Alright. I think dad and I need a hug," Mellie said.

"Absolutely," Fitz agreed.

Karen smiled and leaned into them both, wrapping her arms around them. Fitz and Mellie did the same — holding their daughter close.

All in all, it could have gone worse than that. Perhaps it could have gone better — the tears were hard to see. But it was going to be a big change. It was understandable.

Fitz looked at Mellie during their little group hug — and both flashed each other a genuine look, nodding at one another.

When they pulled away, they all stood up and Mellie grabbed Karen's plate. "Here, I'll warm up your chicken again, how's that sound?"

"Thanks, mom," Karen said. "I think...all our food got cold."

"That's okay. Easy fix," Fitz said, rubbing Karen's shoulder.

They all warmed up their food again, and sat back down to finish their dinner. It was quieter after that, that was for sure.

Karen's tears stopped, though, and that was a win, in itself. Plus, they still had some news yet that might cheer her up a bit.

"So, we do have some other news, baby. Some...happier news, maybe," Mellie said.

Karen looked up at her mom. "What is it?"

"Well, how would you like to go to Florida for spring break? Go stay at grandma Maggie's beach house for a little girls trip?" Mellie asked.

Karen perked up. "Really?"

"Really!" Mellie nodded. "What do you say?"

_"Awesome," _Karen nodded. "It will be so warm there. Who else is going? Grandma and auntie Harmony?"

"Mhmm," Mellie replied. "They are so excited."

Karen smiled, nodding happily.

It was nice to see that genuine, happy smile, even though her eyes were still red from crying.

"But...you won't go, dad?" Karen asked.

"No, I don't think so, honey. I would...ruin your girls' trip!" he teased. "Plus, I think I'm going to do a little house sitting for grandma Jean while she's away on her trip, too. _And_, someone's got to watch mister Hank."

Karen giggled, looking down at Hank. He was in his usual place; laying next to Karen's chair.

"Right. We can't forget about you, my Hank," she said, petting his head.

"You'll have to send me lots of pictures though, okay?" Fitz asked.

"Mmkay," Karen nodded. "I _will."_

"I'll let grandma Maggie and Harmony know after dinner that we're going to come along! I know they'll be _so_ happy," Mellie nodded.

"Okay. I better plan ahead and get more books from the library before we go. That way...I'll have enough to read on the plane rides," Karen nodded seriously, taking another bite of her chicken.

Fitz and Mellie chuckled.

"Just like your dad with all that reading," Mellie said, smiling.

Karen smiled up at her dad, and he smiled back.

Karen finished eating and he and Mellie looked at each other almost in relief. There was definitely a twinge of uncertainty in their glances too, though. Uncertainty about how things would go from there, and what steps they'd take next. Uncertainty from Mellie in general, because Fitz knew she was still having a hard time with all of this deep down. It had taken a while to get her to the place they were at now — so he understood, and knew it wouldn't just be a flip of a switch for her.

After they all cleaned up from dinner, Karen went to practice her piano, assuring her parents she didn't need any help, or company.

Part of them wondered if she truly just wanted some space now. Space to process, and think on her own. So both Fitz and Mellie nodded, and told them they'd be listening to her beautiful playing from upstairs.

He figured Mellie was going to do what she always liked to when she wanted to unwind — read a magazine. And he wanted to take a shower, so he wasn't far behind her.

When he entered their bedroom, he found that she wasn't laying in bed relaxing quite yet. Instead, she was sitting on the edge of it, with her head down.

He didn't even have to ask her anything — he knew she was sad. Struggling.

Without a word, he closed the door behind him, and slowly made his way over to her.

He looked down at her, waiting for her to say something, because he wasn't going to. He didn't have the right words to say.

But she must not have either. She sniffled a little bit, and then stood up, and collapsed into his chest.

He was a bit surprised. But he wrapped his arms around her, hearing her cry quietly against his chest.

They hadn't had a genuine hug in forever. Years. Fake hugs, sure. Awkward half-hugs, absolutely. But not full-on, genuine hugs, like this one now.

He didn't say anything, he just embraced her. The mother of his child.

No matter what they'd put each other through — no matter what they'd done to one another — what they'd done earlier with Karen was a big thing. An important thing. And frankly, an emotional thing.

The sound of their daughter playing the piano was the only thing either of them heard, along with the occasional sniffle from Mellie.

She held onto him tightly and he rubbed her back, hoping to calm her down. He certainly didn't have the right words for this situation. But truly — he didn't think words were needed. Not now. Actions spoke louder.

It was a long time before she pulled away from him. She did so slowly, and they both looked at each other awkwardly.

But then they both gave each other a nod. A nod that seemed to say "thank you" and "we're good" at the same time.

She got into bed, and he headed to the bathroom to shower. And that was the end of that.

* * *

"Goodnight, you," Fitz said, smiling down at his daughter.

"Goodnight, dad."

"You doing okay?" he asked.

She nodded at him.

"You sure?" he asked.

"Mhm," she replied.

"Okay. I just want to be sure. You can tell me if you're not."

"I am. But I...have a question. Is that okay?"

"Absolutely," he nodded. "You can ask me anything."

"You and mom...weren't meant to be married. So...was it my fault then? Am I...the reason that you and mom were married, even though you didn't want to be?"

He shook his head immediately. "Oh, Karen. Baby, no. Nothing about this is...your _fault_. We _did_ want to be married_ for _you. But...that was _our_ decision. Just ours, something you had no control over. And...I don't want you to think that mom and I being married was only a _bad_ thing either, okay. Because that isn't true. We aren't..._meant_ to be married. But...we've all had some very fun times in this house, haven't we?"

Karen smiled, and nodded.

"We have. And I don't ever want you to forget those, okay? I know mom and I won't."

"I won't," Karen replied confidently.

"Good," he said. "You can always remember the good times. Because there's been a lot of those, too. And...we'll have a lot of good times in the future too."

Karen nodded, looking up at him curiously. "So...where will we live, dad?"

He chuckled. "Well, where do _you_ want to live?"

"I don't know," Karen replied. "It's weird to think...I will live somewhere else. And it will just be you and me there, and...just me and mom here. It is hard for me to picture it."

This is where he had to hold in more of the truth from his daughter — the fact that perhaps it wouldn't just be him and her all of the time. That there may be someone else there with them, too.

But holding that in, for now, was necessary. He didn't _want_ there to be any more surprises. He wanted to be truthful with her. But they'd dropped a lot on her tonight, and he certainly didn't need to go into the whole "I'm dating someone" thing. And not just "someone." Olivia. Jesus — that would be a whole other conversation.

"I know," he nodded. "And you don't have to picture it yet, if you don't want to. This is all very fresh, and...I haven't even started looking for somewhere yet."

"When you look...maybe...I can look with you," she suggested.

He smiled. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Karen nodded.

"Well I would love that _very_ much, K," he said.

She looked at him contently, and he brushed a few curls off her forehead.

"Do you have any more questions?" he asked kindly.

She laid there in thought, and shook her head. "No. I don't think so...right now."

"Okay. Well if you ever have any more questions — you can always ask me or mom, okay? Always."

"Okay, dad," she said. "Thank you for telling me those things today."

He sighed contently, rubbing his thumb across her little cheek. "Oh, honey. Thank _you_. We had some _very_ grownup conversations today. I'm _so_ proud of you."

"Thank you."

"Alright," he said, tapping his cheek.

She smiled and sat up, kissing his cheek.

He gave her one too, and got up.

"I'll go get mom, okay?" he asked.

"Mmkay."

"Okay. Goodnight for real this time," he chuckled.

"Goodnight, daddy."

He went and let a very sleepy Mellie know that Karen was in bed and ready for her to go say goodnight.

And then he had plans to go and call Olivia, to let her know how everything had gone.

But before he could — he actually received a call, himself. A call from his mother.

He cleared his throat, answering the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hi, my boy. Is this a bad time?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. It's never a bad time for my mother," he replied.

"Oh, Fitzgerald," Jean replied. "You are so sweet."

He chuckled. "Well thank you, mom."

"You're so like your father, you know."

He smiled, memories of his dad flashing through his head. The wonderful memories that he had as a child. They were still there.

"That's what I've always been told," he nodded.

"Well, it's the truth," Jean said matter-of-factly.

"Well, I'm glad you think so," he nodded. "So what's up, mom?"

"Right. Well — I was just calling to check in about spring break plans. Are you still thinking you're going to be home that week?" Jean asked.

"Yes, I was planning on house sitting for you," he nodded.

"Oh, wonderful! Thank you, son! You know I feel better with you there than anybody else," she replied.

"I know," he chuckled.

"You're not missing out on anything, are you? Because if you have an opportunity to go somewhere — you absolutely should. House sitting is _not_ that important — I can always ask Shari," Jean said.

"No, it's really okay, mom. I'm not doing anything. Mellie and Karen are headed to Florida for a little girls week with Mellie's mom and sister, anyway. Kind of last minute, but...with um...with recent events it seemed like it would be something fun for Karen to...take her mind off things."

Jean paused.

"What do you mean with recent events? What's been going on?" Jean asked.

"I'll uh...I'll explain everything to you in person. It's just...it's a lot. But I don't want you to worry or anything — it's actually...good. I'm...feeling good with where we're at," he replied.

"Okay..." Jean replied skeptically. "You're sure everything's okay?"

"Very sure," he nodded. "How about I pick you up from the airport on that weekend when...you get back, and...we can sit down and talk — have coffee?"

"Oh, Fitzgerald. That sounds wonderful!" Jean exclaimed. "I'll make sure to have plenty of coffee there at the house for you."

"Sounds good, mom, thank you," he laughed.

"So...you'll just be all alone for a week in Rye, otherwise?" Jean asked worriedly.

"Well, actually I thought I might just stay at...your house for the week, if you're alright with that. I'd rather not make the drive back and forth throughout the week and...it's always nice to be home, anyway."

"Oh, well that sounds great to me! Absolutely you can stay there — you don't need to ask! It's your home!" Jean exclaimed. "I'll make sure to have the fridge and pantry stocked for you too then!"

He chuckled. "Mom, that's okay. You don't need to do that, I'll buy my own groceries."

"Oh — nonsense! Consider it my thank you for babysitting the house while I'm away," she said. "Now — what about work then? Did you take the week off? Otherwise that would be a pretty dreadful drive into the city."

"Well, I considered it, since it will be so slow in the office that week. So many people will be out of the office on vacation. I'm just going to...work from home though, I think. That way I can still check in when I need to, but...don't have to make the trip into work every day. I think it will be a nice little break for me, actually. I'm looking forward to that. I...am in need of a break."

"Oh, son. I know you are. You've been going through so much lately," she said. "Speaking of — have you got your appointment set up with that psychiatrist?"

"Yes, it's set up for the week after spring break," he nodded.

"Good, good. That's great news, darling," Jean said. "I have to say, I'm very pleased that Mellie initiated that. It was very nice of her."

"Yes," Fitz nodded. "It was very nice of her. It's...long overdue, I think."

"I know it is," Jean replied. "I don't like the thought of you feeling helpless. I know there's something out there for you that will help. I just know it. And I desperately wish we'd had better luck finding it before now."

"Well, that's my fault, mom," he replied. "It hasn't always been my number one concern. I always feel that...I'm fine without. I've been fine. But...I know that...it can be better than this. I just have to put in the effort. So I'm going to try harder this time."

"I'm happy to hear it, honey. And I'm sorry it's something you even have to deal with. Your grammy Mae was the same way," Jean said sadly.

"It's alright. No sense in...dwelling on something I can't control. It is what it is," he said.

"Unfortunately, you're right," she sighed. "But you're sure that you're okay? I know you're dealing with a lot right now — more than I know."

"Yes. I'm alright. I've got...great friends, my daughter, and my mother in my corner," he said, smiling.

"Always, my boy. Always. You know you're always my number one," Jean said.

"I know, mom. I'm...very lucky to have you," he replied.

_"I'm_ very lucky,_" _she exclaimed. "I love you so very much, Fitz."

"I love you too, mom."

"Of course you do!" Jean exclaimed, which had him chuckling. "Now — I don't want to take up too much of your night. I just wanted to check in and confirm with you about spring break. I'm sure I'll be in touch with you before then and we can talk more about it."

"Okay, mom. Sounds good," he nodded.

"And...hey," she added. "Have a friend over, or...something."

He raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"A friend!" she exclaimed.

"A friend?" he chuckled. "Well, thanks, mom. This is taking me back to…like, my teenage days living at home."

She cracked up on the other end.

"Well, I'm serious! You think I want you to spend that whole week _alone? _That's no fun, is it. I certainly don't do that, I have my girlfriends over all the time to keep me company!" she replied.

"Got it," he chuckled. "So…I should invite…a _friend."_

"Yes. A…friend," she nodded. "I know you've got…good friends."

He raised an eyebrow again.

Was this her talking to him without..._really_ talking to him? Sometimes he really couldn't tell with her.

"Hmm. Okay. I will…I will do that, mom, thank you," he nodded.

"Good," Jean said satisfactorily. "That makes your old mom feel better."

"I'm glad, mother," he chuckled.

"Now, I can let you go so you can get on with your night. I'll be in touch again soon. I love you," she said.

"Okay. I love you too, mom."

"Goodnight, my boy."

"Goodnight."

He hung up, looking up from his phone and thinking that was just a bit odd.

He didn't know if he was nuts for thinking his mom knew certain things about his life, especially since there were many things he had not explicitly told her. Or if it just made sense — because she was his mother and he wasn't all that great at hiding things all the time. Who knew. But, he did keep what she'd said in mind as he called Olivia.

"Hi, baby. How are things?" Olivia asked immediately.

"They're…really good, actually. They're really good," he nodded. "We told K, Livvie."

"Yeah? What…what did you tell her? What did she say? Is she okay? Are _you _okay?" Olivia asked quickly.

He chuckled at her rapid questions. Nothing new there.

"Baby, everything's okay. I promise. It went…pretty well, I think. I really think it did. There was a lot that…she already knew, to be honest," he said. "We gave her the rundown. About…us separating, and me living somewhere else. She got a little teary-eyed, which was…hard to take. But…she understood. She really did. She…she is so strong, and so mature."

Olivia sighed. "Well...okay. Okay, that sounds like it went well for the _most_ part. I'm so sorry she was sad, though. That…ugh. That makes me sad."

"The reason she was sad wasn't because of the fact that...we are starting to separate. That was actually…kind of what she already knew. She knew things weren't good between us, and I think…she was relieved that we confirmed that for her. But…what she didn't think about was what that all meant. I think…the idea of us _living _separately wasn't something she'd thought through, and...she got nervous about that."

"Yeah, that's understandable," Olivia replied. "Aw, K. I feel..._so_ bad, Fitz."

"Don't feel bad, baby. She knew a lot of it already," he nodded. "It was hard. And it will take some adjusting, but...we already knew that. This needed to be done, and now it is. That's one hard conversation out of the way."

"Yeah. Yeah, I know, you're right, and I'm so glad it went pretty well," Olivia nodded. "How are you doing? How is…Mellie doing?"

"I'm okay. I was…much more prepared to do it than she was. She was…sad. I think she is just having a hard time dealing with it all, and...telling Karen. I think it just brings about…negative feelings for her, in general" he said.

"Yeah. Also understandable," she nodded. "I'm so sorry she is feeling that way. I really am."

"I know you are, baby," he said. "But like I said, it needed to be done; she knows that, too. And…as a kid, she...never had any conversations like this with her parents. Her parents dealt with things…_horribly._ So I think she's still…very glad that we went about it this way. She was the one who suggested we do it all today, after all."

"Right," Olivia said. "Well, I'm glad you all had this conversation tonight. I'm really hoping that…the more difficult part is past you all, and things from here on out aren't so painful."

"I think that's the case," he nodded. "There's more to come. Finding a place to live. Divorce. And…telling her about you. But...we'll get there."

"I know we will," Olivia replied. "I'm…so excited to get there, Fitz."

"Me too," he said, a small smile forming on his face.

"So…when are you going to start looking at places?" she asked curiously.

"Now," he nodded. "And actually…I think Karen's going to look with me sometime. She said...she wanted to."

"Aww, that's so great!" Olivia exclaimed. "I'm sure that's hard for her to grasp, so…that's great news that she wants to look with you. Do you know…where you're going to look?"

"I'm not sure yet. I've briefly discussed it with Mellie; obviously it can't be too far away, for Karen. We'll see. I'd like, ideally, for…it to be close to you, as well."

He could practically hear her smiling. "Oh, baby. I would love that. So much."

"I would love that too," he nodded. "Maybe you can look with me, too. Over…spring break?"

"Oh, are we going to go house hunting for you while we're on those dates you spoke about?" she giggled.

"Maybe. Or…you could come to my mom's house with me," he suggested.

"Come to…your mom's?" she asked.

"If you want to, yeah. Like I said, I'm planning on being there all week. And…I was just talking to my mom on the phone before this, and...she was _so_ adamant that I 'bring a friend'," he laughed.

She laughed back. _"Bring a friend?!"_

"Yes. I kid you not," he chuckled. "I…kind of wondered if she was hinting at something, but I just…can never tell with her, honestly."

"You mean, like…hinting at you spending time with me over break?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah…maybe? I don't know. She doesn't want me to be alone, which is very much like her and I'm not surprised about that. But…just the way she said it made me wonder," he said. "I don't know. But…I think I'm going to have a conversation with her when she gets back from Turks about everything going on. And…depending on how the conversation goes, I might tell her, Liv."

"You might tell her about me?" Olivia asked.

"Maybe," he nodded. "Does that…scare you?"

"No, not really," Olivia replied. "I mean…you're so close to her, so…I think she deserves to know at some point in the near future. I just hope…she doesn't dislike me after you tell her, because I think she really likes me as of now!"

_"Not_ possible," he shook his head. "You are the most likable person on Earth."

She giggled. "Oh, Fitz. You are too sweet."

"It's just the truth," he shrugged. "Plus…I have always wondered if she had a feeling about you and me. I don't know…how the hell she would know for sure, but…she's my mom, and she can read me better than most. Whether she knows or not…there's no way she could dislike you. That woman _loves _you."

"Well, that feeling is very much reciprocated," Olivia said. "She's the sweetest woman."

"She is," he agreed. "So anyway. If you're up to it and you want to spend some time in the Hamptons with me…you are more than welcome to. In fact, you are _encouraged_ to."

"Well, I think it would be rude of me to refuse this offer!" she exclaimed. "That sounds…amazing to me, Fitz. I am very gratefully saying _yes. _That sounds like a wonderful spring break to me."

He smiled.

"It sounds pretty good to me too."

* * *

**Well, there you go. A lot more progress, and some future plans being made!**

**The next chapter(s) will be spring break in the Hamptons!**

**Thank you as always for continuing on this journey with me.**

**Read on and stay safe,**

**~T**


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